S1 E3
Status
Continuing
Next episode
TBA
Airs
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXX
SEASON
VIEW ALL EPISODE

Season 1  "Diversity Hire"  1x3

Aired 9 years ago - Jan 21, 2010

Owing to a rash of agent deaths (the result of Sterling's carelessness), ISIS can't meet government diversity standards. Enter the gruffly elegant Conway Stern, an "onyx" agent who wears a Star of David around his neck. Conway is "a diversity double whammy," gushes Malory, but that and his secret-agent skills aren't the only reasons she hired him.

Mouse over thumbnail for slideshow

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 1
Yeah, I am kind of lovely.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 2
Wait, you don't think you're getting the office.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 3
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 4
Well, I'll leave you to it. But if you need anything...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 5
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 6
Yeah, so, let's go on...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 7
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 8
And what, you need more room to chop vegetables?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 9
- Salsa was a highly complex operation. - Two phone calls.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 10
I am the top agent around here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 11
He just came up to me and was like: "Byoop!"
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 12
Oh, shit! Those were the newsletters!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 13
so I need you to hook a sister up. - Well, I will certainly try.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 14
What are you doing? - Uh, none of your businessing.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 15
because we actually agree on something. - Wait, really?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 16
No! Glossing.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 17
- Oh, my God! Get over yourself! - Hey, I am over me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 18
- Conway! - Now, whom can I thank for these shrimps?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 19
The system bounced your sexual harassment complaint against Conway.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 20
- You get any of that in the trash can? - No.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 21
Well, that's the thing. How did you actually find Conway?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 22
Lana Kane! Just because now you're not the only black agent...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 23
But that never stopped J. Edna Hoover from persecuting Martin Luther King...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 24
- Think about that while on suspension. - While I'm on what?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 25
homeboy McJewerson. - Whoa, Lana, honey.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 26
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 27
- Yeah, she's kind of weird that way. - She's kind of weird a bunch of ways.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 28
- Excuse me? - Oh, my God, why are you still here?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 29
but we've got a problem. - A problem or a blessing?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 30
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 31
And all we need is a stand-in, who resembles Schmeck's Cuban contact...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 32
we slip in just ahead of the real Cubans, capture Schmeck, and recover the plans.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 33
You were there, in the condo, together?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 34
You go! Get on the plane, buckle in, sit there...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 35
Lana, maybe when I get back, we can work out some kind of bang-buddy deal, but...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 36
and cut me out of the will. - Ugh. Archer.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 37
Seriously Lana, call Kenny Loggins because you're in the Danger Zone.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 38
She never shares anything with anybody.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 39
- Ninety-gazillion percent of the time. - Just because the glare is annoying?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 40
I'd rather have it and not need it... - Uh-huh.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 41
You are more handsome in your photos.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 42
You may have them once I confirm the balance in my Swiss account.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 43
- It's already too late. - Ha, ha! Yes it is, now hand over...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 44
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 45
What, Conway? No!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 46
Hey, you know what? Water under the bridge, dude.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 47
- Conway? - Yeah, buddy.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 48
The Chinese'll pay five times as much for the Whisper Drive.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 49
Wait, what? That is your only question?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 50
That would have been a though image to get out of my head.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 2
Wait, you don't think you're getting the office.
#2
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 3 #3 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 4
Well, I'll leave you to it. But if you need anything...
#4
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 5 #5 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 6
Yeah, so, let's go on...
#6
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 7 #7 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 8
And what, you need more room to chop vegetables?
#8
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 9
- Salsa was a highly complex operation. - Two phone calls.
#9
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 10
I am the top agent around here.
#10
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 11
He just came up to me and was like: "Byoop!"
#11
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 12
Oh, shit! Those were the newsletters!
#12
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 13
so I need you to hook a sister up. - Well, I will certainly try.
#13
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 14
What are you doing? - Uh, none of your businessing.
#14
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 15
because we actually agree on something. - Wait, really?
#15
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 16
No! Glossing.
#16
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 17
- Oh, my God! Get over yourself! - Hey, I am over me.
#17
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 18
- Conway! - Now, whom can I thank for these shrimps?
#18
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 19
The system bounced your sexual harassment complaint against Conway.
#19
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 20
- You get any of that in the trash can? - No.
#20
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 21
Well, that's the thing. How did you actually find Conway?
#21
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 22
Lana Kane! Just because now you're not the only black agent...
#22
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 23
But that never stopped J. Edna Hoover from persecuting Martin Luther King...
#23
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 24
- Think about that while on suspension. - While I'm on what?
#24
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 25
homeboy McJewerson. - Whoa, Lana, honey.
#25
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 26 #26 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 27
- Yeah, she's kind of weird that way. - She's kind of weird a bunch of ways.
#27
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 28
- Excuse me? - Oh, my God, why are you still here?
#28
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 29
but we've got a problem. - A problem or a blessing?
#29
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 30 #30 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 31
And all we need is a stand-in, who resembles Schmeck's Cuban contact...
#31
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 32
we slip in just ahead of the real Cubans, capture Schmeck, and recover the plans.
#32
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 33
You were there, in the condo, together?
#33
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 34
You go! Get on the plane, buckle in, sit there...
#34
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 35
Lana, maybe when I get back, we can work out some kind of bang-buddy deal, but...
#35
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 36
and cut me out of the will. - Ugh. Archer.
#36
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 37
Seriously Lana, call Kenny Loggins because you're in the Danger Zone.
#37
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 38
She never shares anything with anybody.
#38
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 39
- Ninety-gazillion percent of the time. - Just because the glare is annoying?
#39
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 40
I'd rather have it and not need it... - Uh-huh.
#40
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 41
You are more handsome in your photos.
#41
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 42
You may have them once I confirm the balance in my Swiss account.
#42
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 43
- It's already too late. - Ha, ha! Yes it is, now hand over...
#43
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 44 #44 Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 45
What, Conway? No!
#45
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 46
Hey, you know what? Water under the bridge, dude.
#46
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 47
- Conway? - Yeah, buddy.
#47
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 48
The Chinese'll pay five times as much for the Whisper Drive.
#48
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 49
Wait, what? That is your only question?
#49
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 1 Episode 3 (S01E03) - 50
That would have been a though image to get out of my head.
#50