Aired 16 years ago - May 18, 2008
Lisa outshines Krusty as his new assistant and steals the spotlight from him, earning her own TV show. Meanwhile, Homer and Bart spend some quality time together with their new coin collecting hobby.
Hey! Quit steppin' on my solo,
ya creepy little show monkeys!
The Krusty Show is searching
for a new Krusketeer.
Well, I really
hope you get it.
A great man once observed:
Now I'm a jack-o'-lantern.
but we only have enough
money for one.
I can't believe I lost.
a whole new world of free labor for you.
And get me a scotch,
but she had just dipped her
toe into the business of show.
an underpaid assistant.
I know what I want
and I get it.
And if he mentions
Mitzi Gaynor, and he will,
Bart's having girl trouble.
You better go talk to him.
Why did she have to
steal Krusty from me?
All this prim
Krusty merchandise
- Am I?! No.
- Hmm.
All right, time to fill
these slots with coins.
Do you want to collect coins
with your old man?
What the...?
We missed one!
but the one on the right is
just experimenting.
I can't ad lib
to save my life.
** for some R and R.
Which clown?
Chuckles?
If there was a rehearsal
for the network,
Oh, well, it's one thing
to fill in for a monkey.
Everything you said
came true, Ron.
I'm eight years old.
- Cut that out!
- Sorry, sorry.
Quick, switch from internal
monologue to external dialogue!
Last Gasp with Krusty the Clown!
and I once made out
with a blow-up doll
- Pepperoni slice.
- Wait!
But unlike life, I have
a solution for this.
Okay, boy, this is it.
Five dollars!
- Objection, your honor.
- Sir, I am not a judge.
It's really brought
us closer together.
- Do you have change for a nickel?
- Oh, of course.
You got it, boy.
Aired 16 years ago - May 11, 2008
After Mona, Homer's mother, passes away unexpectedly, Homer feels guilty for not getting the chance to tell her how much he really loved her.
- That dump?!
- Clothing?
when we've got a video
that shows you!
How much love do you want
in your Stuff-N-Hug?
nurse it is.
- It's a medical condition!
- Homer is a big jerk.
Yes, sir!
You're just like that show Scrubs.
Every time you go,
I feel abandoned.
In fact, I don't even
want your pie.
Oh, I have a picture
of that right here.
Mommy has to go chain herself
to a nuclear submarine.
So I filled it with food.
Did you win those
at the Tour de Pants?
It's my feelings that are mad.
I'm gonna make her a card.
But now?
That bad.
Hey, Mom, I just wanted you
to know that you mean...
Apu, what do you think happens
after you die?
that newborn baby or...
The following video was recorded
at Garry's Video Wills.
And if I'm not,
get out of my stuff.
Grandma, I accept your gift.
I leave you something
very special.
I've got one last chance to make up
for the things I said to my mom.
This is hard work.
Isn't it, boy?
in a way...
Marge, your back is so sweaty.
You're finally free.
Wait a minute.
Ugh, ever since you started watching
Monk, you think you are Monk.
She's what held up
the launch, sir.
I'm using the rocket to dispose
of Springfield's nuclear waste
All systems operational.
Toss it down.
Aired 16 years ago - May 04, 2008
Lisa makes a documentary of her own family for a school project, and the film is so impressive that Superintendent Chalmers and Principal Skinner push her to enter the documentary in the Sundance Film Festival.
Now would you care
for some sushi?
And I do mean
Beer me for always
Beer, beer,beer, beer, beer.
I want to be back on the plane.
Chicago is
Nice job-- where do I apply?
at a Starbucks in Siberia.
Is it much different from a normal plane?
Hey, Homer.
That's where you're wrong, Homer.
Oh, tell me more.
what you normally do.
I'd like you to film it for insurance purposes.
Will you shut up?
Behold my 217 average and weep.
Is it like that?
I'm the man
Well, I can see the position of
hand somest CEO is already taken.
- Yay, Dad.
- You're our hero.
What do I have to buy
so I can sit here all day?
So, how was your first day
at your new job?
Principal Skinner,
Look out!
If it touches you, you die of suicide!
I know it's you, Homer.
and he said,
"That's not the Johnson Report!"
Come on, say
"You're hired"!
- Just say the word.
- Cheryl.
Fax, Wi-Fi,
teleconferencing capabilities.
- What was that?
- I don't know.
I drove a car over a cliff once.
How different could it be?
I need you to coach like
you've never coached before!
This near miss will be
investigated
Aired 16 years ago - Apr 27, 2008
Bart joins the 4-H club and falls in love with a cow named Lou, but when he finds out that Lou is destined for the slaughterhouse Bart gives the cow to Mary, a fellow 4-H member, and her father mistakes the cow for a dowry. Homer and Marge come to the rescue to try and free Bart from his marriage agreement.
We're about ten minutes away
from "You may kiss the bride."
I do.
- I love that big ol' cow.
- How could you say that?
If this marriage is off,
then that cow is going
encourage parents to get
involved in the activities.
Let's skip the oath and, uh,
get you behind the wheel
I want a tough one.
in Siberia."
Pullet, Bantam, Orpington,
Pullet, Flemish Giant,
- This is my calf, Lulubelle.
- Uh, you know that's a boy, right?
and carbonated pee.
This is Colby Krause.
So what do you think of my calf?
You're the greatest cow
in the world!
gets to go first.
honey, we'd love to,
but a prizewinning bull
Lou?
I'm just a little boy!
- Homer, you're up!
- This I can do!
Behold my 217 average and weep.
I have an aunt
who became an uncle.
Cheese is genocide.
Lisa's Brother.
Now to make sure you're
motivated to get this job,
I don't care how much
of a pumped-up freak you are.
Find out if he has a wife!
We could double date!
All right, Lou,
to freedom!
They're all the same maze.
Can I give him to you?
And I have dreams.
I got 1580 on my DQAT.
I wished I had a tail
what did swap away flies.
We always figured
someday Mary would marry.
It's yucky.
- but it'll take a lot of sewing.
- I'll get your fabrics.
But, Dad, you gotta tell her.
And excuse me, why are the spittoons
so far from the chaw station?
and something stew.
We're about ten minutes away
from "You may kiss the bride."
And since we don't need
to hear from women folk
- I love that big ol' cow.
- How could you say that?
If this marriage is off,
then that cow is going
Aired 16 years ago - Apr 13, 2008
When Mayor Quimby realizes the city of Springfield has gone broke, Lisa goes through the town's financial records and discovers millions in uncollected city taxes; Marge reluctantly allows a fugitive to stay with the family.
Where's all the money?
If you don't give me
those cookies, I'll pass a law
People of Springfield,
our city is broke.
I know a lot of you from church
and the market and such.
Rip off the federal government?
Er, uh, five minutes ago.
out of $2,500.
We are now worse than broke.
Comic Book Guy to...
Lurleen Lumpkin,
seen here at the height of her fame.
Dad was Colonel Homer
and he wore that awesome suit
walked past the showroom
and didn't even go inside.
I told her not to go
into one of those.
Hey, Homer.
Bye, Marge.
Thanks, Marge.
ketchup, Coca-Cola,
and fricasseed possum.
- Confederate degenerate?
- Southern-fried succubus?
Why'd you jump off the roof?
to make payments
of a hundred dollars a week
Well, I thought if we acted
like The People's Court,
and clean the vomit out
of the pool table pockets,
That's sweet,
but I'm not lookin' to date.
She turned down
Lenny and Carl?
o/~ He left a hole in my heart
So that's it.
and I'm gonna fill it.
She's 34,
and she's having a rough time!
Lurleen?! My goodness.
And he has hair! Oh!
I'll always be able to see
your face.
Get back here so we can put
our love on a shirt!
- it might be cold outside.
- No problem. I bought you a hat.
Oh, Daddy, you made me
the happiest girl
o/~ I haven't felt this good
since the Lord knows when o/~
o/~ My body wash is Este Lauder o/~
I'm really worried
about Lurleen.
o/~ We pledge allegiance
to Fox News o/~
o/~ America's back o/~
o/~ And we're feeling patri-otter again! o/~
Hey!
Aired 16 years ago - Mar 30, 2008
Lisa enrolls in a ballet class and develops an addiction to secondhand smoke after being exposed to it by her smoking ballet classmates. Meanwhile, Homer lets Bart in on his secret beef jerky manufacturing operation.
More after this.
Thursday you realize
you love me, damn it.
It's upstairs in
my Disappointment Closet.
was a ballerina.
Mom, it's not too late
to un-shatter your dream.
- Boring!
- Oh...
You have a drinking problem?
Now, I'll cut and you soak.
Look, Lise!
I'm as supple as ever!
Uh, I don't know, I...
Not till you've won six Tonys,
gone into rehab,
This is so hard.
Fresh air.
Maybe it's all the secondhand
"focus" and "pep" you are inhaling.
get in on the ground floor of
a delicious new taste sensation.
Good day and be well!
I do not thank you
and I will not come again.
As the oak said to the beagle,
you're barkin' up the wrong tree.
Look, everyone knows that
cigarettes are where flavor lives
Smoking gave me the energy I needed
to write plays and inventiveness!
Just turning fuzzy.
Do you need more leg warmers?
Lisa the dancing Marge girl.
Now, let's take care
of those raccoons.
Aw, they even share
my views on parenting!
A "sturgeon" is a fish.
both as a mother and
a fan of youth ballet!
Homie, Lisa's dancing has made
I thought you might have
trouble with this.
I'm gonna be on you like fish stink
Hey, I'm still paying
for that nose!
that smoke might go
into a baby.
I have a perfect way
to conceal his identity.
Okay, now we get rid
of the cigarettes.
Aired 16 years ago - Mar 09, 2008
Marge hires an investigative television show to follow Homer around after she suspects him of cheating on his diet. Meanwhile, one of Bart and Lisa's pranks on Martin Prince goes wrong and they become burdened with guilt after assuming they are responsible for Martin's accidental death.
Meet Jennifer.
We'll find out
if Jennifer's boyfriend
Out of the house, kids!
This is my husband.
No, I mean,
cry to the camera over there.
You can brush,
and I can blow!
Bart, Martin could be
seriously hurt, or worse.
who has apparently
plunged off a guardrail here
Huh?
So Chief, what's your final word
on the Prince boy?
At worst, I'm an accomplice.
I've been in trouble,
but never like this.
You're saying
we shouldn't tell the truth?!
Maybe I should sit down
with them and...
The load is on the road.
Martin was a shy, awkward child
Don't let your life pass you by
You know,
something bugs me.
Um... what's up?
Act like you're shopping.
I like how "Kwik" is spelled
with a "K."
Almost like someone
was playing a prank on him.
I'm going to Martin's house
I have to see you right now.
I'm tending to Martin's
butterfly enclosure.
I thought I turned
that tape off.
Here you go, hon-
one Butterscotch Stallion.
that not only would it be an
enormous ratings success,
Aired 16 years ago - Mar 02, 2008
Bart teams up with a new kid at school, Donny, to pull some pranks, but when the hijinks go haywire, Groundskeeper Willie tips Bart off to the fact that there might be a rat amongst his friends. Meanwhile, Homer becomes attached to a loaner vehicle while his is in the shop being repaired.
You people are idiots!
Look at you!
Idiots!
but since then I've really
come to respect you.
Now let's add
the rear window defogger.
known as the Flex Plan.
But, as a one-time occurrence,
no cause for alarm.
Bart! Bart! Bart!
Bart! Bart! Bart!
I'm gonna throw this away...
Huh?
We did it!
You're in!
the Bart Simpson operation
have failed.
but pretend I'm a jerk.
the cool scams
we run at school.
Fun's only fun
if everyone's having fun.
Did you just unlock
the car from here?
And if you want it,
you got it forever
and me making sweet,
sweet love.
Faculty lounge
I'm shipping off
to find my wooden leg
I throw a tomato,
he's making salad!
- Who is it?
- I dunno.
Today I've...
or a kid I just met?
Be quiet, Robo-potty.
Gentlemen,
this is an ostrich egg.
The radio lets me contribute
could be so amazing.
Well, we gonna start by shooting
her full of holes, and, uh,
uh, what are we doing here?
Aired 16 years ago - Feb 17, 2008
After being stranded in a Tunnel of Love ride at a carnival, Homer, Marge and Bart pass the time by sharing some of the greatest love stories of all time.
Aired 16 years ago - Jan 27, 2008
After discovering Marge's diploma, Homer recounts the story of how he gave up his dreams of being a musician so Marge could attend Springfield University. However, after she became attracted to one of her professors Homer started focusing his emotions into music and formed the first grunge band called Sadgasm.
Like all young people,
I'll make rub to you
Show respect for you
You applied to college ?
What do you need
the money for ?
This counts as your break.
Fraternity pledges
in their beanies.
Everything you think you
know about history is a lie.
Fall semester,
you just got interesting.
Even Walt Disney ?
Who is he, somegray-haired
old bookworm ?
To the faculty club !
Okay, I relate your pilot light.
my professor more and more.
have marginalized the
contributions of the Third World ?
Oh, Elaine, will you ever find
someone who's sponge-worthy ?
Hey, I worked hard all day
to pay for your education.
and let you out into the world...
It-it's just a note
from my boyfriend.
You are his object.
Before it's too late.
Hey, it's townies like me
that cook your food and
I think it has already
caught my dream.
Successfully !
make sense in this cruel world.
Kisses are dirt...
someone who wants to
nurture the new you,
I'll take the typewriter;
you take the computer.
Okay, let's go back
to my place.
Razorblade of apathy
Morally, I couldn't display
them on shelves if I hadn't.
Why don't we put on some music ?
You look lovely.
I had finally realized
every rock star's dream:
Raisin bread with applesauce
He who is tired of Weird
Al is tired of life.
Oh, Marge, it's statements like that
make people say women are stupid.
I only got denied tenure because
my department head is an idiot !
I paid for her dreams
Aired 16 years ago - Jan 06, 2008
In an effort to raise money with a bond issue Mayor Quimby moves up election day, making Springfield's primary election the first in the nation causing the media, candidates and political pundits to descend in the city.
The day you promised
to start your new diet.
Well, if I'm going
to start a diet,
I'm lost in a crowd
Can't let Marge see this.
tricycle...
And now for a victory cigar.
And I'm hungry
like the wolf.
I don't know about you,
the Springfield presidential primary.
Well, Mr. Rather,
Into the truck!
our humble city is
overrun with candidates,
It's primary fever.
Yeah, they're great.
Are you writing this down?
More ridiculous than that place
Democratic debate is
Andrea Crowney of CNN,
I live in that place!
terrorist leader
Nussaf Al Mustaffi.
They're going steady!
but the Democrats can't win
do I have to put up?
I wonder who that could be...
get the hell out
of this house!
Is everyone here
as sick of those
like, uh, Juan Peron.
No, no. This candidate has to
eight-year-old Ralph Wiggum.
Live from our nation's capitol,
in the Springfield Primary.
from take on immigration reform...
Before we invite
Ralph to the prom,
to get rid of all the '07s.
Ralph said he'd let me be
It says in the Constitution,
you have to be 35.
we cancel the rest of
the primaries and offer
But at least he won!
This meeting of the Democratic Party
I don't know how we will blow it,
Aired 16 years ago - Dec 16, 2007
Homer wakes up to find himself outdoors and covered in snow, without memory of the night before. When he arrives home, he finds everyone missing. Seeking help from Moe and Professor Frink, Homer tries to piece together his memory to find out what happened to him the night before.
Or yourselves?
Show me on MapQuest.
No one ever remembers.
and the funniest ingredient...
Jeez, I don't look like that.
I was trying to do a
Don Rickles about Arabs,
- There he is! Get him!
- Kill him!
I remember seeing you...
No, I swear!
I could never do
something like that.
I had to--I heard a hubbub, Bub.
Hey, a memory!
Yeah, yeah, me too!
I can't take one more
minute of this high school
What a lady
What a night...
which I did back in 1998.
Done.
coming up with a name.
Ah, my first Christmas.
followed by an extremely painful pinch,
And we're off!
Oh, I miss those by gone
days of earlier this week.
but I need help.
You want to join me?
Hello. I'd like to order a pizza.
Oh, can that tuna!
Oh, Homer, I didn't want you
to find out this way.
No!
I've done horrible things.
My family's gone.
Suicide Bridge
in memory of governor Chester L. Suicide
We want to see if the splash
reaches the moon.
What's going on here?!
I'm sorry your surprise party
was spoiled.
It's like Christmas in December.
Let's celebrate now.
So Marge wasn't cheating on me;
and think it was my wife
having an affair.
Aired 16 years ago - Nov 25, 2007
Sideshow Bob returns, this time with his entire family, and sets in motion a complex diabolical scheme to finally kill Bart.
Doctor Chef will be back
after these messages!
and got Two and a half men in
Marge Simpson!
You TV fat cats have plenty of money.
former NFL draft pick, Ryan Leaf.
Their commercial featured a talking frog.
Sometimes I think about gettin' on
a bus and never comin' back.
And the easiest placemat
puzzle in the state.
That's how they get ya.
Simpsons.
That commercial was a trick.
And now you're all going to die,
I'm Wes Doobner.
and I picked the most strawberries!
where I found work as a chimney brush.
I never stopped plotting my revenge.
got me an offer to direct a feature.
Let's not tarry
What Shakespeare really said was,
I shall.
It's "hoist with
his own petard. "
Okay, if he doesn't say "but"
right now, we are home free.
Dr. Robert Terwilliger, Senior.
I'm sorry, I know this
is a terrible time.
To what degree was
this dementia blown?
Who among you have not suffered
He cheats at Uno!
I didn't want to use this,
This man is dead.
Joining them now is
Robert "Sideshow Bob" Terwilliger,
A veritable who's who ha-ha.
Your shoes are empty
and the stage is dark
And it seems to me your loyal fans
And deleted scenes
Well, I guess the rest of us
should pay our respects.
Homer, your behavior is heinous.
He was always
zigging when I zagged.
It's a guessing game
in which one
He's gonna teach me to umpire!
We've got to save Bart!
Now everyone wishes I was dead.
So when Bob collapsed in the courtroom...
Aired 16 years ago - Nov 18, 2007
Marge starts up a new women-only gym in Springfield and Homer frets about losing her after she becomes a highly successful businesswoman. Meanwhile, Coolsville, a new comic book shop, opens up in Springfield and puts Comic Book Guy out of business.
Aired 16 years ago - Nov 11, 2007
After Milhouse's parents are lost at sea and assumed dead, he is forced to toughen up. His new confidence and personality help him become cooler than Bart. Meanwhile, Homer gets into trouble with Marge, when he can't remember her eye color.
So you're good at
noticing dress colors,
Ow! What the...?
despite the fact that he is
fundamentally the same man
The seagulls have gotten
into the hors d'oeuvres.
Why does every kid who stays
with us bring "mommy meals"?
commercials in them
for The Container Store?
I can't wait to wake up
so tomorrow can start.
Uh-uh-uh.
I need more nickels!
This is my fault!
They'll find your parents soon.
Hey, hey, come on.
Billy Ocean CD?
The History of Atlantic Records?
Like I'm going to a funeral?
Uh-oh. I slipped on some blood.
I could use a pick-me-up.
They get their moo-moo
from a big-boy cup!
what's the combination
to our wedding album?
Who is it?
Oh, Milhouse!
Looks like you're not the coolest
kid in school anymore.
You can have my pizza crust.
Every Christmas...
My name is Gaylord Q. Tinkledink.
Well, I'm one
of the Danish Van Houtens,
No, but have a butter cookie.
Milhouse, your parents may be
gone, but I'm here for you now.
to give your uncle a hug?
Oh, man, now he's
even more popular.
Elm? Rake?
Guessing?
Let's see, what rhymes
with appraisal?
Hazel!
Aired 16 years ago - Nov 04, 2007
The 18th installment of the Treehouse of Horror series.
Mr. and Mrs. Simpson
A parody of the 2005 film Mr. and Mrs. Smith, featuring Marge and Homer as the title characters.
E.T. Go Home
Bart and Lisa help Kodos return to his home planet, but
Kodos uses their assistance to secretly plan something sinister.
Heck House
Flanders decides to scare Bart, Lisa, and their friends straight after they go too far with their pranks.
MORE
-LESS
Aired 17 years ago - Oct 14, 2007
During a bank robbery, Marge convinces Dwight, the bank robber, to turn himself in with the assurance that she will visit him once in jail. Marge never makes good on her promise and things get interesting when Dwight escapes from jail and comes looking for Marge.
Shall we look
at the next one?
Ooh...
this was the Midwest
Savings and Loan.
Everyone down
on the floor, now!
would be to have a school with
Lisa Simpson!
I'm a hostage in
a bank robbery.
the bulletin board in the closet.
I was voted America's
least funny clown.
Maybe you should take over,
a DVD of The Negotiator.
Oh, man, oh, man.
you're only lookingat a few years in jail.
will you come visit
me in the joint?
You have a new home now with us.
I promised that bank robber
A man who held a gun on me.
I keistered a bunch of butterflies.
Ooh. That is harsh.
we can have a picnic there!
without an apple pie
for everyone at the prison.
Your father, the millionaire,
Hello, this is Ted Nugent,
the Motor City Madman,
We now return to
I ain't afraid, see?
Oh, poor Johnny Stabbo.
Hall of shame
in after he takes care of one
unfinished piece of business.
Who can it be now?
Dwight!
Dwight, please,
don't do anything crazy.
Aired 17 years ago - Oct 07, 2007
Homer starts working in the towing business, but gets into some trouble when the town sets up Homer to look like he is towing on a rival's turf after he becomes greedy with power. Meanwhile, Marge signs up for a counseling program that teaches
parents how to raise young children to become independent, but the program works a little too well on Maggie.
MORE
-LESS
Okay, I'll sign up.
Get a load of "Beautiful Mind" over here,
Oh, I'd really like to meet this guy.
When you call in sick,
who do you call?
I got all kinds of names for them:
You can't tow a hybrid.
The Springfield territory's wide open,
Not to worry. These...
I'll rip off your head,
Really? What's your handicap?
Allow me to demonstri-care.
She's celebrating her independence.
You see?
What the hell are you doing?
Correction: a great 81 minutes.
No, he's just moving it so it won't get towed.
Hey, when you married a man
who would, years later,
You can't impound my spirit.
I guess I'm more powerful
than God now.
Stalin put my grandmother
in a forced labor camp for 20 years.
I know a thing or two
about tow-Joes.
Oh, my God...
in a point system
we work out right now?
All right, Just... let... go.
Tow truck drivers who got greedy.
It's number two, right?
- That's great.
- Great story.
Aired 17 years ago - Sep 30, 2007
After a freak accident, Homer becomes an opera singer and finds himself star of the Springfield Opera. Soon he becomes mobbed by fans and gains himself a female stalker.
Aired 17 years ago - Sep 23, 2007
After Homer saves Mr. Burns' life he is rewarded with a trip in Mr. Burns' private plane. A depressed Homer realizes he will never again receive a chance to fly in a luxurious private jet and Marge hires Homer a life coach to help get him out of his rut.