Status
Continuing
Next episode
3 years ago
Airs
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 3

Aired 12 years ago - Mar 22, 2012

Season finale. Archer and the rest of ISIS are held captive by mutineers on the International Space Station.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 1
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I'm on my way.
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PAM : "Auto." Got it. Moving the lever.
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Really?
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Ew. Lana, trust me, this is the only way.
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Nothing, just bet you're glad we're in reduced gravity.
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No, you cannot borrow-- Oh, my God!
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No, I'm good. Yeah, uh, me too.
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What the hell am I supposed to wear? Uh... Oh, maybe this will work.
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Security breach, Pod 6. I heard you.
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That's what Dad said when the bank man came out to foreclose on the farm.
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They're right where they've always been.
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Now? Really?
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One, I didn't invent whatever this door is made of...
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Tell me, if you kill her, who's gonna bear our Martian children? Huh? Trish?
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But Drake wants to use the Intrepid to push Horizon to Mars...
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Heh, heh. Burn. Cyril.
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I thought I'd made myself very clear. You did, but--
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Are you sure they can't get in?
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Why, yes, and you're...? Your Majesty.
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Seal the door behind me and prepare Horizon for launch.
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How do you not get that? Cyril, I know what an animal farm is.
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What? What is wrong with you? And where are the other two--?
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Don't you people get it?
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Drop your weapon. Make me.
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All right! No, no, no. What are you doing?
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There is no Mars without you, Tony. I'm sorry.
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Heh, heh. Self-burn. Cyril!
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Aw, crap-snacks! How could this get--?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 38
Hey, pumpkin pie! What's that?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 39
Oh, hey, hon, you're breaking up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 40
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Archer! Quit screwing around with the robot and shut the damn airlock already!
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LANA: Yeah. So, Trish? What?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 43
Wait, what is this?
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Come on out, Archer. I mean, I'd come in, but. ...
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Where do you think you're going? Uh, this place called to kill Barry.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 48
There we go. Look, check this out.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 49
So the only reason to go out there is your ego.
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And that's her saying that.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 15, 2012

Archer and his colleagues at ISIS voyage to the final frontier in an effort to prevent a catastrophe on the International Space Station.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 1
Forget it. Never mind.
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You're a baby. And astronaut training sucks complete ass. Literally.
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And why aren't you with the other trainees?
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Six? Who knows? He put me under. Maybe 12.
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Your wife is a very lucky-- Oh. I'm a widower.
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Come on, baby, keep that nose up.
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A, because you're all crap. And B, who cares? We're not gonna land it.
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What--? But almost always.
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And if you're wondering why we call it that...
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We'll do this 20 times... ARCHER: Whoo!
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What, are you crazy? What's not to-- Oh.
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Looking good! Only 19 more to go!
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Jeez. Even in zero gravity, you're an asshole.
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But we haven't been trained properly! To what? Wear a seat belt?
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COMPUTER: T-minus 90 seconds.
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Sterling. Archer.
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Double-check that. I'm showing green across the board.
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Because I won't-- I can't-- let anyone jeopardize the success of this mission.
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I think it is.
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I'm kidding. There is no Phase Three.
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A bar? Or, whatever. Cantina?
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On "kill" mode, the M-41 fires lethal plasma ammunition.
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I'm not the one who was all sweaty.
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MAN: Burn rates were good. Flight, uh, stand by.
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Well within them. Malory.
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Yeah, so that safety is tricky, huh?
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Aye-freaking-aye.
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So that we don't die writhing in agony, when we run out of oxygen.
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Are you k-- You're still mad about that?
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Well, good luck fighting a bunch of-- whatever-- space-pirates without me.
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It makes me sleepy. I think we're okay, sir.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 42
Nor was I told there would be a party. Lana, what are you wearing?
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Cough. Well, not you.
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And remember, these are mutineers. Even if they try to--
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What the hell? ls wrong with me?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 46
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Ahem. Couple things.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 12 (S03E12) - 48
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Or tricking me into that fart-locker to get blasted into outer goddamn space...
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Thanks. And I'm sorry, but you gotta let me out, Pam.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 08, 2012

Archer is faced with a dilemma when his murdered fiance, Katya, miraculously reappears. In Krieger's lab.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 11 (S03E11) - 1
ARCHER: Here they are, God, geese at the trough.
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Because I burn clean, Cyril. Because I don't glop up my engine with bear claws.
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I swear to God, if you people can't keep it down, this is the last bear--
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It's zed! And no, Neil Peart stands alone.
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And you need your head examined if you think that abomination is ever going to work for ISIS.
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Yeah, way to bury the lede.
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I feel love, I laugh, I sometimes cry. Albeit a saline-lubricant solution.
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That she's so jealous of my love for Katya, she won't hire a world-class spy...
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...someone like her working at ISIS, since-- Since you wanna screw affirmative action?
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Yeah, he never calls, he never writes...
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...and I certainly don't want her and Sterling back together!
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Oh, all right! ARCHER: Really?
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She didn't break my heart, Mother, she was murdered.
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Which turns out to be kind of a panty-dropper.
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...she also just got a job today, so, yeah, pretty special.
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No, no, darling. I'm meaning a cyborg.
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...all I care about is what I see when I look into those big green...
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Oh, boy. Darling? Are you all right?
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Which, if I gave it any real thought, would probably explain a lot.
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ARCHER: I swear to God, if I went blind right this very second, I'd be okay with that.
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How are you this morning? I am amazing!
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Or the Mountain Everest.
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...is your vagina?
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No. No, it isn't.
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I think if you're looking for insight into why Archer is Archer...
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Well, gross, and or, ick. Right?
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...because I was saving it for a special occasion...
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Wait, her vagina? Ow, ow.
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Well, then I feel even worse, because I'm probably gonna puke it up in about five--
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What? That just sounds considerate.
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And, more importantly, tried to murder me.
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What, was that Peter Lawford's?
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While they made us fold those pointy goddamn paper birds.
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That's my fiancée you're talking about! Really?
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Ha, ha. Brett! BRETT: Aah!
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Okay! Ugh. Red wine, ass.
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BARRY: Oh, I think other Barry might.
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Okay, I'll bite.
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Archer, don't! GILLETTE: Everybody down!
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But first, let's me and you cut a rug.
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I'm confused, what are we--? LANA: Here!
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Well, I'm sorry, Ira Flatow.
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Barry! CHERYL: Polo!
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Goddamn! ARCHER: Brett? I thought you were dead.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 22, 2012

Season finale. Archer and the rest of ISIS are held captive by mutineers on the International Space Station.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 10 (S03E10) - 1
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You will wake up in three separate 50-gallon drums.
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Yeah, how are you gonna--
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Ugh. Seriously, how can you be drinking after last night?
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What? How do you know about that?
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Uh, ISIS getting an inside look at every single KGB operation in the world?
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What with our work schedules and...
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Get your bloated carcass-- Out! I got it, I'm on this, I got it!
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Well, I'm sorry, but if anybody ever found out, I would die of shame.
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Well, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of shitty.
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Wait, don't answer yet, because I'm also reassigning you to Siberia.
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I would never defect! I love mother Russia!
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If you're quite finished... Damn near.
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And Barry doesn't like!
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I won't forget this!
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...and the details of every single KGB operation on the globe in his fat, combed-over head.
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Contact our sleeper in New York and then cancel all my meetings this week...
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A what? This is actually, ahem, the ISIS safe house.
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Am not very fond of you. I mean, we have such history together, and--
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Hi. Lana Kane. You must be Major Jakov, such a pleasure.
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Marmaduke. And regardless of any personal ties...
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Come on, you make me sound like some kind of chupacabra, but for dicks.
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The camera's set up for debriefing and one of us will relieve you in eight hours.
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So, da, this is a little awkward.
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Well, don't take this the wrong way, but neither does anyone else.
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Duh. Are you telling me Barry...
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Really? This isn't your kneecap?
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LANA: Ahem, Cyril? I'm sorry.
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Don't you ever disrespect her.
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And don't take this the wrong way, but thank Christ!
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You-- Wait a minute, why am I thinking you live in, like, Russia?
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Oh, my God, totally, but it has to be your place because mine reeks of ocelot piss.
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Yeah, but you have to promise that all that horrific stuff...
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So it's a DVD, a box of wine, some Hot Pockets, and off to bed.
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...we'll talk about the DNA test thing if, you know, you're still into doing that.
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Can I see your neck a minute? Oh, Barry.
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Because who's to say you're not using him for sex?
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...thanks to Cyril. Who has apologized profusely--
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You son of bitch, you actually think you'll get away with this?
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...and you dicks turning me into a cyborg, I'm kind of amazed I'm even this sane.
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Well, again, relative term.
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This, glad you asked, is a block of ice with a fork frozen in it.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 15, 2012

Archer and his colleagues at ISIS voyage to the final frontier in an effort to prevent a catastrophe on the International Space Station.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 1
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Did they get into the mainframe? I don't know, but--
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Put Sterling through the minute he calls in!
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No, and to where? Six Flags Over The Shittier Parts of Chernobyl?
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Two questions: Is that the sheriff and have you recently gone insane?
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I hear that. You hear what?
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For a minute there I was thinking maybe you come back...
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Man. Is it me or is he super menacing?
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Farmer. He and Archer are in West Virginia doing...
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Oh, no! I'm not getting mixed up in this, and if Ms. Archer asks me--
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...that the break-in was a lot worse than we thought.
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GILLETTE: Well, there she is. The old homestead.
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Well, you ain't gonna be much help with your legs blown off.
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Okay, now I'm having third thoughts. Oh, please don't.
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...or else him and his boys'll just take it and grind me up into fertilizer.
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That's what you went with? Bet you're up to your eyeballs in poontang!
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Well, then open wide. RANDY: Okay!
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But this will take hours, so we'll just bring you a report when it's done.
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If I can just get what I got to my distributor, I can retire.
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Yeah, there are a lot of them.
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But damned if I'm gonna contribute to the obesity epidemic.
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...AR-15s, maybe grenades. Oh, dogs! Duh.
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But speaking of, it's about suppertime.
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First of all, that is a rooster!
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Until you followed it up with nonplussed.
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Even though Ray used to be a preacher, he was never big on the Old Testament.
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ARCHER: Okay, so-- Aah.
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The mainframe is Krieger's baby. How'd you get him to go in?
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It did sound too cool for the Bible.
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You gotta wait till later, maybe after supper. Remember: No kissing.
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Wha--? Finally, a non-idiotic greeting.
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Come here, you skinny-legged son of a bitch!
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...is that we should go in the barn...
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GILLETTE: You white trash piece of--
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 38
You lucky I didn't kill you. You're lucky I didn't kill you!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 39
Somebody, come on, promises were made.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 40
To be a hoity-toity interior decorator. You can just say decorator.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 41
Randy, your seemingly effeminate brother is actually a highly trained secret agent.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 42
Well, y'all do live in New York City. Just New York.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 43
Oh, come on, why would you think that? Well, I found a bunch of your old diaries.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 44
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Randy, you may be a racist, homophobic, wife-swapping drug dealer...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 46
Whoo! Ugh. Yeah, I'm pretty furious about not getting to bang Janelle.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 47
So this is how it's gonna be, huh?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 48
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 9 (S03E09) - 49
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...would wanna murder your brother and get his marijuana farm?
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 08, 2012

Archer is faced with a dilemma when his murdered fiance, Katya, miraculously reappears. In Krieger's lab.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 1
Since he's our only way out of th stupid jungle! Dumbass!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 2
ten clicks of jungle that I just assume is one giant booby-trap showroom.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 3
Nuh-uhh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 4
Oh shit.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 5
test in the world.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 6
I literal - figuratively scoured the globe for these special herbs,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 7
Non-sequential bills, please.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 8
Cyril.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 9
So quit reading and pay attention.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 10
I dunno, I just wanna feel like I'm a part of the team, ya know?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 11
- Okay... - You look, you listen, you smell.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 12
Yeah, that's why I said hold up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 13
A, he's invisible -- Not totally, he has a telltale shimmer.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 14
Which is?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 15
Yeah! Besides that.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 16
Tigers don't live in South America.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 17
Not every time, like a third of the time.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 18
Oh god, it tastes worse than it smells.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 19
Fernando, our special guests must not be injured in any way.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 20
Busted, we're arms dealers.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 21
and say you never found me?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 22
Or choose not to, whatever, besides, throwing money away like that
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 23
And people in hell want ice water.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 24
I'm gonna die in a toilet stall just like the gypsy said.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 25
The floor is lava!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 26
Must! Kill! Decepticon!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 27
No, that's a snake.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 28
- Before I knew what was happening... - Oh man, right in my new pants!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 29
Not Archer?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 30
Calzado's boss, don't you remember the dossier?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 31
Well, then you are a fool.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 32
Wait, what's in this for you?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 33
It figuratively kills me to say this Cyril, but yeah, you did.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 34
I was just mocking this giant negress and her sissy sidekick.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 35
I think, maybe, it's all these exotic animals.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 36
Which is why tomorrow at dawn, I will be hunting the most
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 37
How since we're gonna die in the morning we should have sex now.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 38
But, go ahead, start.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 39
Then El Contador and I, just us, alone, will track you and kill you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 40
I -- alright, since you called it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 41
As hypothesized, after mind-shredding hallucinations,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 42
Where the heck is - shmmpf!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 43
to rescue Archer, capture Calzado, and escape.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 44
And sooner would be better than later.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 45
Just Archer!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 46
Yeah, you do that, and I'll just wait here for a bask of Orinoco crocodiles to
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 47
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For when I was thirsty, you saw fit to slake my thiiiiiirrrrst!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 49
Well then you're obviously an idiot when it comes to crocodiles,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 8 (S03E08) - 50
ISIS?!
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 01, 2012

Archer's sex life compromises his effectiveness as an agent. But more seriously than the countless other times.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 1
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exaggerating when I say... PAM: That I was the best sex you ever had?
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Of Pam's hot, dirty, ball-slappiney... ARCHER: Gaaghh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 5
ARCHER: Yeah, how're you gonna... I mean, my God, you can't,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 6
MALORY: Hitting on your dead colleague's widow?!
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ARCHER: How can you not?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 8
ARCHER: Wh-?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 9
LANA: Uh, ISIS getting an inside look at every single
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 10
I mean, are you like dating, or...?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 11
Only at your place, or maybe a hotel, or... PAM: Or on the dirty floor in
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 12
Wait, could -- you don't think Burt's ashamed to be seen with me?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 13
PAM: Ugh, oh alright!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 14
Are seeting et my desk?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 15
JAKOV: Et tu, Brute?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 16
You'll be like, six hundred miles from a toilet.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 17
MALORY: Because if and when Nikolai shows up here,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 18
CHERYL/CAROL: Orientals, duh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 19
And as you can -- well it's over there now, but the telex from the Siberia
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 20
Promise broke.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 21
KGB operation on the globe in his fat, combed-over head!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 22
because I will also be in New York.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 23
MALORY: And this is actually, ahem, the ISIS safehouse, cheers!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 24
MALORY: Nikolai, it's not that I don't- am not very fond of you, I mean,
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CYRIL: And isn't.
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MALORY: I can't believe you all know about that... JAKOV: Wow, thet is big dog!
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ARCHER: I'm serious, you are literally draining the life out of me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 28
WOODHOUSE: Ms. Kane... and your mother.
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ARCHER: Awkward?
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LANA: Since otherwise he'd kill you?
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ARCHER: Yeah, when was... oh! I guess when I was in the
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LANA: Any time now... Cyril. Cyril!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 33
GILLETTE: Yeah, if Old Yeller had a big stack of KGB codebooks and fif - forty
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KGB AGENT: Only if I can defect, too.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 35
Barry gave me up so you'd trust Jakov on the rest!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 36
Yes you are.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 37
ARCHER: You're not my dad!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 38
ARCHER: And don't take this the wrong way, but thank Christ!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 39
CHERYL/CAROL: You -- wait a minute, why am I thinking you live in like, Russia?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 40
your place, because mine reeks of ocelot piss.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 41
Wait, doesn't ISIS have a safehouse?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 42
MALORY: Hold the door!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 43
PAM: So it's a DVD, a box of wine and some Hot Pockets, and off to bed.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 44
So just debrief yourself with the camera, and when I get back we'll talk
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 45
CHERYL/CAROL: Well, here it is!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 46
who cares if he wants to keep it on the DL?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 47
LANA: Archer don't talk, just listen!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 48
ARCHER: Ha ha haaaa!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 49
MALORY: I swear to God, if he put as much effort into
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 7 (S03E07) - 50
BARRY: Obviously!
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 23, 2012

Archer must help Gillette save his younger brother from a crooked sheriff in the backwoods of West Virginia.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 1
I'm kidding, crab rangoon.
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- but if you're trying to actually escape... - Well at least he's trying something.
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- Exactly, and if we get to the radio... - Which this idiot shot to piece...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 6
birdlike throat.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 7
stereotype of the gay man as collegiate cheerleader...
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Yeah, it's Algonquin for bloodsport?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 9
Jeezow Lana, answer your stupid phone.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 10
- This is Malory Archer... - This is Malory Archer...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 11
Malory will call, she'll haggle over the ransom for me, you and Riley.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 12
Rr. Rr. Rrr!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 13
Before this cruddy school burns to the ground.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 14
If I don't remember that password I can't unembezzle that money,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 15
Aw, but I love it when Malory bails you out of one of your idiot jams.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 16
Don't listen to him, I bet that brain aneurysm
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 17
Actually not making much progress.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 18
- Hey, Ms. Archer... - Three million in cash?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 19
Archersucks, no.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 20
Duh.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 21
and I just assume that includes his spleen.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 22
You know, as long as it's got fuel.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 23
Archerbortion -- - No!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 24
- So, your plan is for us to get as black-out, knee-walking,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 25
There's a lesser man than you?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 26
We'll keep it loose.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 27
No not yet, but this is damn good I... Nnngh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 28
Was that a gunshot?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 29
Rrrnh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 30
Today please!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 31
How short is the list of guys you haven't screwed?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 32
The murder of my crazy-hot Russian fiancée by becoming a pirate king!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 33
What I do need, is some frickin crab shampoo!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 34
Although, neither is Riley and neither is your situation!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 35
But these other three, whatever, who cares, I mean Noah's a slave.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 36
So now you thinking, did he fire eight shots or only - Four.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 37
The world holds its breath.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 38
What I don't have, is all day!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 39
How would I know?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 40
"Dr. Charles Drew, or I will eat a bag of dicks!"
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 41
- And even if Riley's O-positive... - No, I'm A-negative too.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 42
Oh my God yes, hey, what about this Sunday?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 43
- Because all I need to do is just... - Re-evaluate your entire
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 44
Probably my grisly murder, since we still haven't found that password!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 45
U.S. or imperial?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 46
The what?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 47
I built that team from nothing, and now -- - Archer!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 48
I, of course.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 49
I will never, ever forgive you, and we will never, ever be friends again.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 6 (S03E06) - 50
- Hooray! - Now can we please get out of here?!
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 16, 2012

Malory turns to Archer and Lana for help when she finds herself in a compromising situation with the Italian prime minister.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 1
Mother!
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Why he's here!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 3
It was a NATO stay-behind mission, set up to counter a possible Soviet invasion
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 4
Anyway, Savio was in Italian intelligence-- Rimshot.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 5
Well, you nailed it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 6
As he grew older, Savio's tastes became more and more... exotic.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 7
Shut up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 8
We caught up over a glass or two of champagne.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 9
Si, cara mia, sono molto pronto!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 10
In burst three men!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 11
No, Mother, I don't!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 12
What?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 13
fortunately he's Italian so that shouldn't be too hard a sell, then --
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 14
But those bullet holes don't prove anyone else was ever here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 15
What, I put Bactine on it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 16
How about for you dragging us into your S&M--
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 17
I mean, not necessarily spaghetti and meatballs, but...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 18
But you should wait'll you try it, I'm just kinda winging it here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 19
Unseemly!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 20
We're not burning down my apartment!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 21
Why not?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 22
We'd have to go past the super's apartment, and his door is always open.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 23
We surely count on it, ma'am.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 24
Do I eat the potato now, or let it ferment, so I can drink it later?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 25
Yeah, besides that.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 26
this time of night, so -- Soooo... if we can't get the body out of
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 27
Oh. Ewww! Mother!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 28
Stop that!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 29
black, bitter, preferably fair trade.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 30
Yeah, you got a potato?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 31
Hopefully my greatest work yet.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 32
Ya big fat liar!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 33
But it's still pretty gross though.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 34
different drop points on a map, it'll look like a big smiley face.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 35
Speaking of, why the hell was the prime minister of Italy here?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 36
Just get it out of here, please!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 37
Oh for the -- now what do we do?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 38
Sorry, I was in the-- kitchen, I'm making spaghetti and --meatballs.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 39
But we got an anonymous tip that Savio Mascalzone was up here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 40
Well, that's another coincidence, 'cause this anonymous tip said
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 41
Mind if I talk to them?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 42
My mistake, ma'am.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 43
But we got a tip there'd been a murder up here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 44
I find the very suggestion laughable.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 45
I hate you all so much.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 46
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I hope you won't need it, but-- Why would I need...?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 48
He does?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 49
It's just, who would call in with a fake tip like that, though, ya know?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 5 (S03E05) - 50
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 09, 2012

Archer's surprise birthday present - a high-tech, souped-up spy car - leads to all sorts of other surprises. None of which are good.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 1
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I mean obviously sex was implied, but-- Ugh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 3
Mainly because you've got bigger things to worry about.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 4
You know what to do.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 5
Leave it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 6
and memories of last night.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 7
I mean not that you would, but -- Hey!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 8
in a mental ward with total amnesia under someone else's name.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 9
Wh-?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 10
You broke my frickin nose!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 11
Ohh! Yeah, okay!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 12
- I love it that I'm the idiot... - So unless the building
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 13
"Dear Malory, it's been --"
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 14
Wait a -- who calls it Tinseltown?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 15
Knocks out Burt Reynolds?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 16
go ahead and get it over with.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 17
It's my own fault, I should've known!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 18
Why are you asking rhetorical questions?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 19
A, because he thinks they're imaginary, and B,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 20
What's your poison?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 21
You have to not date my mother.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 22
I wasn't in it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 23
And he's looking out the window, the afternoon sun on his face,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 24
he really is so she helps him escape and they get chased by a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 25
but could you put my Pimm's Cup in a-- Pimp Cup! Certainly!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 26
I'm gonna give them all an EP credit.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 27
Coming from a woman.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 28
I mean don't get me wrong, I'm all for affirmative action, but --
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 29
My brand-new van!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 30
Á¡Vamonos!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 31
Go on... If I don't catch 'em, I will just ride off
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 32
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 33
Your point!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 34
I know.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 35
- Nothing, just... - Didn't know they sold those to men.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 36
Yes such thing!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 37
- Heading north on the FDR at... - 60th!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 38
He was part Indian.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 39
She has hopes, dreams, fears... needs.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 40
Holy shit, Burt Reynolds!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 41
See wh -- no!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 42
mother and see her not just as your mother but as a person, a real person...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 43
But I guess you're outta luck, because we had a -- Bet. God damn it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 44
Oh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 45
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 46
Oh shit.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 47
Wait, was that the same footage?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 48
What do you mean you gawww shiiit!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 49
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 4 (S03E04) - 50
No, it's -- never mind.
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 02, 2012

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police enlist the help of ISIS to transport a captured Canadian terrorist. On a train.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 1
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 2
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 3
Noah, seriously, I swear to God... Stop.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 4
- Missed it by that much - Shut up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 5
Not unlike a metal spoon.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 6
Couple things, one, Ray, thanks for perpetuating the
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 7
Yeah, it's Algonquin for bloodsport?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 8
Gimme Sterleen Archer mudda!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 9
No, you just listen to me, buster!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 10
- We'll come back for you later - No, shut up,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 11
Before this quack's office burns to the ground.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 12
Oh, who remembers.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 13
So you better just sharpen your pencil.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 14
Partying his ass off, as king of the pirates!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 15
Actually not making much progress.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 16
- Hey, Ms. Archer... - Three million in cash?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 17
Archersucks, no.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 18
Lana no! C'mon, you're gonna kill him!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 19
A helicopter.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 20
We're still locked!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 21
dissolve me in a drum of acid, unless you have a better idea.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 22
Well don't hog it all! Pam!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 23
Here's what we do, we lure Bucky down here, and take him hostage.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 24
No not yet, but this is damn good I... Nnngh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 25
- Yep, they got ol' Ray this time... - Raayyy!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 26
Mother, I'm a little busy right now.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 27
I am incredibly sorry.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 28
- For once? Oh my God, Columbia Hou -- All I wanted!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 29
So Mother can keep her stupid ransom, because I don't need her!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 30
Check on Ray!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 31
- Got that right - I mean her, yes, kinda, maybe,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 32
So now you thinking, did he fire eight shots or only - Four.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 33
The world holds its breath.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 34
Jeez damn!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 35
Discoverer of blood groups?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 36
God damn it Archer!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 37
Yeah.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 38
Cyril!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 39
Why just me, what's happenin' Sunday?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 40
I dunno, ten gills.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 41
Oww!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 42
Ray is dying.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 43
I mean I know we fight a lot, but God, now that I think about it,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 44
I will never, ever forgive you, and we will never, ever be friends again.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 45
He's not talking about the defenders.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 46
- Hooray! - Wait wait wait, Lana --
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 47
Well that's just super!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 48
If and when that becomes a thing!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 49
Just screw already!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 3 (S03E03) - 50
Oh for Columbia House!
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 26, 2012

Cyril is promoted to field agent, while Malory institutes a strict drug-testing policy. Neither of which sit well with the staff of ISIS.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 1
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 2
ARCHER: Woooo!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 3
NOAH: Well um, besides all of those things, they haven't been paid.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 4
So good luck finding all these Swiss accounts!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 5
CYRIL: Uh, yep!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 6
NOAH: And she sounds lovely.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 7
ARCHER: Sorry, I don't know all the pirate terms yet.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 8
For the jillionth time, nobody is raping anybody!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 9
You know what kinda margins those guys work on?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 10
That's why I made you first mate.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 11
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 12
ARCHER: Who -- to whom you are forbidden to speak!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 13
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 14
ick, sexual frustration.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 15
I'm sorry, did you wanna hear what I think, or just what you wanna hear?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 16
BUCKY: We hold erections for king!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 17
It's like last week when you said "lend me your ears" and they were like "Apa?"
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 18
ARCHER: Now is not the time for a new king!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 19
If the king loses to a challenger in one-on-one combat, he has to step down.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 20
ARCHER: Okay Bucky, we'll melawan raja... NOAH: Oh, one thing --
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 21
NOAH: Anda -- Do you even know what an idiom is?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 22
NOAH: See, Bucky doesn't have to fight you himself.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 23
NOAH: Yeah, they're fascinating... BUCKY: Now we melawan raja!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 24
ARCHER: Hey, maybe there's a way to make some money on this.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 25
full of Claymores, neutralize the fortress garrison, and finally extract that
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 26
ARCHER: Suck it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 27
BUCKY: I know it in here somewhere... Damn! Okay, maybe it don't say
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 28
Wow, I never realized how much we rely idioms.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 29
NOAH: That's not me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 30
RILEY: Mayday mayday mayday, this is Rip Riley calling ISIS.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 31
If you are, key your handset twice!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 32
CHERYL/CAROL: What.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 33
NOAH: Yeah, "See about getting a back-up radio" was itemmmmm five.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 34
Because there is no mutiny, potential or otherwi -- BUCKY: Pemberontakan!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 35
Do not upgrade that mutiny, Noah! I will tell you!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 36
Oh, this is great. This is just great for my ears.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 37
ARCHER: I -- well for one thing, I'm kinda regretting making you first mate!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 38
BUCKY: Archer! Kami membunuhmu!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 39
Now we've only got -- give me that!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 40
NOAH: Uh, heah gang... why don't we just use that?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 41
MALORY: Those dirty pirate bastards!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 42
"No" because he didn't want to give away their position!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 43
You're not my -- wait, tell me there's no chance you're my father.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 44
ARCHER: Wow, you're only a doctoral candidate... NOAH: Hey guy, my field's
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 45
NOAH: Anthropology is an important field of study!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 46
NOAH: Just curious.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 47
Oh, shi -- That was just a flash-bang grenade!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 48
And I doubt we can bribe Bucky again, since I crippled his girlfriend...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 49
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 2 (S03E02) - 50
MALORY: Whatever it was, you better pray it had about
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 19, 2012

Archer is shocked to learn that his mother is dating Archer's idol/hero/man-crush, Burt Reynolds.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 1
MALORY: Oh please!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 2
I mean obviously sex was implied, but-- ARCHER: Ugh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 3
Mainly because you've got bigger things to worry about.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 4
There's a -- ARCHER: Ha! Voicemail.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 5
MALLORY: Sterling it's -- ARCHER: Elaborate voicemail hoax.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 6
MALORY: Burt dear, what a lovely surprise!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 7
How totally hot is he?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 8
Burt Reynolds is taking me to a movie premiere tonight, so -- help me God,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 9
CYRIL: Archer, hey, about this expense report-- ARCHER: Not now, Cyril!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 10
LANA: Because of the Cubans?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 11
LANA: Bullying Cyril isn't gonna make Burt Reynolds stop shtupping your mom.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 12
LANA: I'm sorry, your words made sense, but your sarcastic tone did not.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 13
is literally on fire, none of you are to call me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 14
"Dear Malory, it's been --"
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 15
LANA: Wait a -- who calls it Tinseltown?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 16
CHERYL/CAROL: Archer?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 17
BURT REYNOLDS: Well, then you should probably just
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 18
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 19
PAM: Why are you torturing her like that?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 20
Everybody else, let's go to Archer's.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 21
I already got my tub.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 22
And she's, um... BURT REYNOLDS: Beautiful, smart, funny, successful...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 23
You're gonna drink your Pimm's Cup... BURT REYNOLDS: Which is exciting!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 24
broken men shuffle like zombies we see a hospital wristband on
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 25
and there's a spark of recognition in his eyes, cause you know what
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 26
BURT REYNOLDS: And you just got a screenplay credit.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 27
It would be an honor, Mr. Gable!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 28
I'm gonna give them all an EP credit.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 29
GILLETTE: Interesting.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 30
Ma¡talo!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 31
LANA: And this conversation isn't over!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 32
CYRIL: Krieger, go!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 33
I've seen you drive.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 34
And since we've wasted a shitload of time already, I feel pretty good about
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 35
ARCHER: I know, it drives me nuts.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 36
BURT REYNOLDS: That's ridiculous.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 37
BURT REYNOLDS: And you were gonna pay for it yourself,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 38
BURT REYNOLDS: I am.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 39
ARCHER: I don't care about them!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 40
Getting shot at by your damn Cubans!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 41
BURT REYNOLDS: He was part Indian.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 42
She has hopes, dreams, fears... needs.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 43
And until you -- oops, hang on.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 44
Because my point is... oh wait, wait, you're gonna wanna see this.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 45
My pants are now literally wet.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 46
a lot of her.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 47
LANA: Will you please!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 48
Now watch what I do right here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 49
BURT REYNOLDS: Uh-oh, looks like we're in danger of a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 3 Episode 1 (S03E01) - 50
ARCHER: You should be, that was totally irresp --