Jules Cobb is a mom in her forties facing the often humorous challenges, pitfalls and rewards of life's next chapter. Along for the journey is her son, her ex-husband, her husband/neighbor and her friends who together make up her dysfunctional, but supportive and caring extended family... even if they have a funny way of showing it sometimes.
Aired 12 years ago - May 19, 2010
Jules and Grayson hatch an elaborate plan to break the news to Bobby that they're officially dating, and Travis sees the wrath of a truly angry woman for the first time when he forgets his momentous seven-month anniversary with Kylie.
Yeah. They pick an average student
to kinda speak for the masses.
Bald by 16.
- Oh, boy.
- Baby picture buttons!
Ellie Torres, you are my family.
- Did Andy let you in?
What happened to Mr. "I Don't
Care About High School?"
We don't need to look through that.
I mean, I'm barely in it.
who dressed up as you
for the Halloween dance.
I don't know, you just
decided you hated it.
from a Sandra Bullock movie,
but, you know, I still mean it.
- I need to see you tonight.
[Singing show tune]
If it is, it'll be my last thought
before I shoot myself.
Let's go to the mall where they
print your picture on a sweatshirt.
Never again! Never again!
"Laurie's stupid," "Laurie's a tramp,"
Oh... Oh, yeah.
I love you, too.
Listen, I stole his
speech off his desk.
if it weren't for
the love and support of...
- of how much I do for him?
- Please don't let it be me.
Go, go! Let's go. Go. Go.
- Well, come back out.
- I think it's charming.
- It's an inflatable gorilla!
and I feel like this might bring us
some kinda karmic good will
for your food and your clothes.
You know, it's really no different
than... when I taught you how to read.
What else have I got to do? I'm Ellie.
When you tried to back out
of going to Travis's graduation,
Your mom did such a great job with you.
You and I don't talk on the phone,
I don't know who she'd pick.
Even when you're
acting like a chore, I still like you.
- You know Travis loves you.
you are definitely going
to Travis's graduation.
If you ever let her know,
our friendship is over.
- Do you have a relative graduating?
- No, silly.
Aired 12 years ago - May 12, 2010
Despite Grayson's warning, a curious Jules reads the speech without permission and is left crushed when she finds she's not been acknowledged. Meanwhile, Ellie uncharacteristically does something nice for Laurie, and Bobby tries to restrain himself from embarrassing Travis on his big day.
- Did you tell... everyone?
- What's up?
- That's private.
- This is gonna crush Bobby.
OK, so who do we think should tell him?
- What are you doing?
- So skinny. They're like pool cues.
Last player left
has to drop the bomb on Bobby.
until he tried to share
a hot dog with one,
because he sounds delicious.
Or I could tell her
how ridiculous she's being.
- Whiny baby say what?
I would totally hit that"?
He wants to make love to an ewok!
- How much snooping have you done?
- Your hipster wool hat collection?
- What is she doing here?
- Ellie used to be a DJ,
OK, Grayson, we're not staying here.
Go get your PJs.
You know what really sucked
about hanging out with Travis?
- You saw her devil face, huh?
- I can still see it.
- Nice moment over?
- So over.
- Do you wanna go shopping?
- I guess so.
- Fo' shizzle, fo' shizzle!
Put 'em in the toilet tank,
that'll cool 'em down.
Bobby, it's for the best!
- He ain't running nowhere.
- It's a great plan.
- I'm gonna ruin the ending for you.
- This is good for you to see.
At the end of Teen Wolf,
he wins the big game
Can I show you something?
Bobby, Grayson and I... Uh...
Me, neither! To us, the single folk.
I'm going out for ice cream later.
Why does everything always have
to be so difficult with you?
You're not gonna talk to me now? Hello?
I just miss the days of us
just being friends hanging out.
Bam! Freshly moisturized.
- OK. Tell me everything!
- About what?
[Chuckles] Hell, yeah, Jules.
It catches all the little fishies.
Look, I don't really like
playing games in relationships,
- You're the "yes" man.
- Yes! Yes, I am.
Aired 12 years ago - May 05, 2010
Jules and Grayson consider the notion of FWB, friends with benefits. Meanwhile Andy hires a nanny for Ellie, and Travis benefits from Bobby's unconventional plans to make some extra cash
- I really gotta get to school.
- You will.
I hired a nanny. I know you're
gonna say, "We don't need it,"
Stop. It's just a tiny thing.
I mean, I just had to put my ego aside
and realize I can't do it all by myself.
You only have one, don't you?
Why would you do that to me?
You didn't mean that, did you?
Well, she doesn't have one.
- Friend-sex is the most fun.
- Friend-sex comes with feelings...
Oh good, you're done.
I got your text.
No guilt. No commitment.
She holds on like an otter
trying to break open a clam.
OK, it is, but still...
I set up a diversion.
Sometimes it's just easier to do what
Bobby says and not ask questions.
So what time will you
be home from work?
You're kidding. How do people
get through the work day?
We'll look up in shifts. First me.
Travis. Now Andy.
Now... it feels like you're putting out
a real... relationship-y vibe.
But... You are squeezing me
Are you stealing the plot
of Erin Brockovich?
We'll bed down here, then at first
light, we grab hard hats,
We can't go dancing. I sent
the nanny home. I don't want her.
* We're friends with benefits
So, how was the
boom-boom last night?
Because the balloon's right there
and we don't want to spook it.
with our friends with benefits
So you're gonna focus on the eyes?
Either I'll want him or I won't.
But the point is, it'll be my choice.
is to give them a taste
of their own medicine.
that she thinks is for her,
but is actually for him?
or a movie or even dancing
once in a while.
Look, no more driving
senior citizens around for cash,
I was just thinking about how
we get to keep knocking it out
I just, I want more. I do.
I've been making so many decisions
my whole life out of fear,
Aired 12 years ago - Apr 28, 2010
Jules has mixed feelings when Travis gets accepted to two of his choice colleges. Now he must decide between schools in California or one just 20 minutes from home. As Jules struggles with the thought of Travis moving away, Grayson is there for her.
Meanwhile, Laurie considers her feelings for Smith when he returns from law school, and Andy longs for the freedom to do whatever he wants around the house, free of Ellie's rules.
I have several cowboy hats.
- It's 8:00 in the morning.
Perfect number. Trust me,
you have nothing to worry about.
Smith, remember when we met
and you went off to law school?
would go over there
and make a huge scene
- Hell, yeah, baby!
- Accepted to both!
It doesn't really matter what I want.
[Jules] Travis, help! I'm hurt!
I mean, one is known as "the jewel
of central southwest Florida."
Now you're eighth.
Oh, yeah. One, two, three. See ya.
Would you rather be
with someone emotionally stable
I added a T,
so now it says, "Diet, bitch!"
Pipe down, girls. Watch this drive.
- He's got a gun.
- Yeah, he does.
- Oh! Hi, Kylie.
- I know.
I know. Except it totally does.
I think they just kissed
with a little upstairs work.
Are you watching me sleep?
We've gotta be able
to figure out all eight Gosselin kids.
When I got divorced,
I made steak.
I'm trying to kick
my insane drama habit.
I am so angry at you right now!
and I was watching you sleep
while I pretended to sleep.
I'm sorry. I didn't hear anything
after you said how much you love me.
- Why don't you join him?
- In a sec. I'm a tad dewy.
Hell, yeah. I can't afford
to visit him in California.
I wanted to break into your apartment,
tie you up with my underwear
prance around on all fours
like a little show pony.
And I just don't want that
for us. Do you?
- All right, I'm an idiot.
- Go nuts.
- Twenty minutes away!
I banged the broom
on the ceiling, right... there.
It's the only time
I feel like it's all mine.
without it ever messing us up.
Well, I'm just gonna go
drive off the bridge on the 16th.
Probably. Or she noticed
you have a watch.
Aired 12 years ago - Apr 14, 2010
Jules is thrilled for the chance to take care of Travis after his first big break-up. But when Jules discovers the truth about the break-up, she comes to an unwelcome realization about herself. Meanwhile, Sara considers whether Jules threatens her
relationship with Grayson and turns to Ellie for guidance; and Andy searches for any resemblance between himself and son Stan.
For instance, I look exactly like
It's like taking shampoos from a hotel.
They expect you to do it.
But when you go off to college,
If you go to college within six hours,
I'm gonna drive there.
over 25 is really disgusting?
Are you worried that
Sara's gonna feel insecure
Cute for an ugly person.
and writes thank you notes.
because she might just
rip your face right off
[Ellie] Not to me.
I don't think it's cheating
if you're on vacation,
Oh! You two have so many
cute things in common.
- You're welcome.
- I hate you.
I'm sure you guys have
other things in common, right?
Bobby said there's
that petting zoo at the park!
- Just go with it.
The guy at the pizza place would say,
[Jules and Bobby] "More juice, please."
Oh, good. I'm special.
- cheat on everyone equally.
- That is not the lesson!
I mean, mostly 'cause you think
I'm really funny and pretty and...
- That's not a metaphor, is it?
[Andy] Hi! I got long ears.
- Ow! Ow!
- Right. But not exclusively.
- I was exclusive.
But guess who's
the common denominator?
I've always been very brave, Jules.
No. I mean, you are a filthy skank.
- Am I gonna thank her?
- I doubt it.
Saving her? She's not a cupcake.
Go get the garden shears!
Kylie, women like us
are always gonna get hurt.
And I'm 41 and skinny, so I should
probably "thank" her, right?
Yeah, and I kissed Joey Spangler
Wait. Why wouldn't you just tell Ellie
I'm too great a person.
Hey, it's 8:00.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 31, 2010
Jules and Sara hit it off, but when Grayson is overly attentive to his new girl, Jules warns him to back off before Sara pulls away. Meanwhile, Jules' perfect new bathroom complete with a "talking toilet" becomes the main attraction in her home and Grayson finds inspiration for a new song with a little help from Sara.
- [Ellie] Laurie.
- [Camera clicks]
Oh, I forgot. You don't know me.
What kind of a skank wears a watch?
I've got heated floors,
a steam shower,
We're in a bathroom.
Wow, brace yourselves.
Grayson's on his way up with Sara.
- A wittle num num...
- Oh, no.
- That's not how it works.
[Ellie] I never got this
whole Grayson thing,
I don't wanna watch a friend drown.
I feel like photos really capture
our collective unconscious.
Art should never be compromised
for the sake of vanity.
So Ellie pulled the whole "to get sex
more you have to want it less" thing?
Fish guts, dip, spit, dead rats.
- Good day.
Grayson, you are acting
like a total pursey.
- You enjoy your shower?
but I looked inside,
and it was nothing but sex.
I present to you the crown jewel
of stolen moments.
What about all the stuff you said about
art being more important than vanity?
I'm trying to really be in it. OK?
It's like I don't have teeth no mo'."
I'm not jealous. I'm happy for you.
Yep. Get comfortable.
but I do it because I know,
ultimately, you're all grateful.
She was pretty clear the first time.
- I'm in.
- You just need to get to a place
I stuck my nose in my friend's
business, and I hurt him.
You know, I was thinking maybe
I might just crash at my place tonight.
Was it as beautiful
as it was in my dreams?
See, there's a few tiles over there
that are just a little uneven.
Could be that she's pretending to be
angry so she doesn't feel so guilty
There is no end to what
a man must do for a woman.
I left my bathroom to come over here,
and that's a big deal.
We want a guy who truly listens to us,
It's easy. Just treat
her like you treat me.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 24, 2010
Sara is a confident wine rep who sets her sights on Grayson; but is he strong enough to be her man? Meanwhile, when Ellie tells Jules she can't change past a certain age, Jules is determined to prove her wrong by giving up wine for a month; and Bobby's new dog poses some unwanted competition for Andy.
It's French. It's Hurpes. I'm gonna
put you down for three of them.
His house is like a clown car
for barely legal bimbos.
- It's an inside joke.
- It sounds hilarious.
I am so not ready to die.
All right, if it feels right,
you can throw up.
Can you believe that I spend
as much money on wine as I do food?
I'm still young enough
to totally change who I am.
I just came back for that.
I got wine!
Fine, why don't you ease us into some of
that banter you use on the young gals?
- Not a great area.
- What's your favorite number?
Bet his nose is cold and gross.
Oh, no. Did someone not
have fun on his big-boy date?
He's a big ole sweetie,
aren't ya buddy?
I was just scared
you'd think I was a dork.
Does this story go on much longer?
but I did buy everybody these little
environmentally-friendly water bottles.
What the hell is this?
I wrote a few things down.
I support both of you
with everything you do.
If no one has anything else to say,
I'd like you all to leave.
Careful, ARod, dogs smell jealousy.
You know how if you eat too much
of a certain type of candy
You get to know each other, have sex,
decide who apologizes to who
Honey, you were right.
Is your tongue purple?
That's weak, dude.
He's on a play date.
No. It's like finding my missing child,
but in a glass.
I mean, you're still young. You've got
big changes around every single corner.
I don't think they put your picture
on magazines for selling clocks?
You know? "I am who I am. "
- Nope, didn't help.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 10, 2010
Jules is determined to prove to Grayson that women and men can be friends without any sexual undertones. Meanwhile, with Jules' encouragement, Andy buys a motorcycle from Laurie to Ellie's dismay and Travis joins Bobby on a man-trip for some "noodling," only to be mortified by his discovery of what noodling actually is.
well, when you tweet it,
When I realize no one's ever gonna see it. The only
time I have for just me is my drive to and from work.
What, are you still mad
Because we both know
it would end in disaster,
Oh, yeah. He definitely wants
to water your flowers.
(rock music playing)
I'll buy it!
Where a catfish is
protecting its eggs,
Go drive over it, and then
find out who it belongs to.
(imitates bird calling)
Popular? Organ donors.
It's not happening.
Trying to find one who didn't want to
sleep with her. Oh, hi, gil. This is-
what a kook, huh?
He also said
that you should call him,
So first things first
- we gotta find a good hole. Define "good hole."
Dad, I'm trying,
but why would anyone do this?
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Guys, when did
this turn into a real fight?
If you open that churro hole of yours one more time
- I had sex in your house.
It's probably not the time.
And I have a strict "you
breait, you buy it" policy
you had to top me, tom.
I'm gonna go check on ellie.
you pull any crap with her,
There's nothing to be afraid of,
all right? Look.
Is this whole thing
Well, why didn't you
just say that?
Don't be late. I'm gonna stay
on bobby's boat for a few days.
(ellie) it is not okay
for him to just bail
This is why I usually don't
meddle in people's lives.
Until we decided
to go horseback riding. Okay.
Was he pointing
to his eyes?
So I didn't noodle.
I'm a man, jules. She treats me like
a child! Just come down and talk.
You can go as a contestant. Do you know why
she doesn't want you to have a motorcycle?
Oh, andy. Come on!
Whatevs. Do you have any
red wine? I'm out of red wine.
Witch. Anybody want wine?
I bet he didn't even move.
I'm gonna cry.
I should feel bad,
but I don't. I hate ducks.
Hey, look, trav,
I don't care about noodling.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 03, 2010
Laurie needs a co-signer to buy her first condo and finds her less than stellar, absentee mother no help at all. Meanwhile, Bobby is mugged by a woman and Travis comes to Barb's aid after her latest cosmetic surgery procedure.
- If he was two years older...
Anyway, Laurie, you can
absolutely afford this condo.
You're my younger sister,
I'm your slightly older sister.
Mom, there's got to be a line somewhere.
I mean, sure, I'd get a lot
of sympathy and that would be nice.
Ergo, you got robbed.
You let an unarmed girl take my money?
I don't want to hear your sex stories.
- [Door opening]
- Hello? May I help you?
And if you try anything,
I'm gonna stab you in the neck
So, Mom, I haven't seen you
since you ran off with that doctor.
A rape whistle, to help you
ward off other scary lady muggers.
- How are you not embarrassed?
- Sorry, Ellie, can't be done.
She pretends that people
back their cars into her.
All right, don't feel weird. We all have
our embarrassing family members.
Rick's not gay.
Honey, just please
try to stay out of this, OK?
- [Both] Penny-can!
- [All] Penny-can!
- No, I trust you.
- No, it's not going anywhere.
I think Laurie would
want me to say something.
I'm sure it's not bad. Let me see.
- [Rattling, banging outside]
- Hello? Someone out there?
Why are there dogs
singing Christmas carols?
Look, Laurie is in a place
in her life right now
I think them, I write them on
scrap paper and put them in my purse.
- The point is, you're a horrible mom.
- Nice try, Kiki.
- Don't you dare.
We've already been over this.
I'm more like her slightly older sister.
So I got to get my niece home, because
I never cleared it with her parents.
- What about you, Face?
- How's he Face? He's...
Stop being such a baby.
- What's wrong?
- I can't believe you don't hate me.
- Look, that's your mom.
- I made you dance.
that I wasn't good enough
to do, well, anything.
Hey! Don't do that.
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 10, 2010
Jules, not wanting to spend Valentine's Day alone, turns to Grayson to keep her company when everyone else makes plans. Meanwhile, Bobby and Jules take different sides when Travis asks to go to a party where they know he will be drinking; Ellie tries to prove she is the alpha dog, not Grayson; and Laurie meets Smith's father.
They canow us with math skills
while they stab us to death.
Fine. Who do you want
to be in our coffee circle?
Wow. You're, uh, you're
even prettier than laurie said.
I will not be questioned
by a woman.
A zero-down commercial re-fi
in a cratering economy
With low-hanging fruit
around here, aren't you?
also makes a lot of dough.
it's nice to have someone
in my corner.
I'm not driving.
You're probably right
not to let mgo to the party.
Starting Monday morning?
Mrs. Torres, are you gonna
be around later
I'm not in the mood
for the 'tude, dude.
Buying a bar mitzvah card
trying to change
Yeah. I do it for them.
A zero-down commercial re-fi
in a cratering economy
Like I'm starting
a lawn mower.
I love our little talks.
If you give in, she's gonna
dominate you forever.
it's not that gross.
Yeah, it is.
Yes, I decided that
our underage son can't drink.
He won't call for a ride home
if he's been drinkin'.
Do you have a better idea?
So you never answered me
about valentine's day.
Any other day but today.
Is that okay?
Sure. It's no big deal.
Hey. Let's eat quick so we can
go home and knock one out.
No. No, no, no.
I-I-I--I'm--I'm with you.
Ha! Trick question.
Call me, and I'll drive you
home. No questions asked.
She could look that up.
She's not going to.
Oh, man, I can't believe
But that's all
that parenting really is,
To suck up to roger frank,
I've had 30 straight years of
being a valentine's day winner,
"to gebuck naked"?
We're totally kidding, dude.
Ah. That was not
a strong moment for you.
I liked that one so much
I put it on my license plate.
And say good-bye to
your little swimsuit calendar.
then how'd you get home?
some really mean things
For being truthful.
Before you go pick him up?
Nope. He thinks I'm his buy.
Kid's a dope. (laughs)
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 03, 2010
A hot tennis instructor gets between Ellie and Jules, while Laurie turns to Travis for advice, and Andy and Grayson try to cheer up Bobby after a fresh heartbreak over Jules.
that you want to wear them,
it makes you seem serial killer-y.
and then it takes me back to obsessing
on what am I doing with my life,
Trucks carry beers,
beers come in 40s, I'm 40 and alone,
What would Burt Reynolds do?
A little flirty-flirty
might help me with my mood.
- Oh, God!
[Groaning] Oh, God.
[Grayson] Why are his pants
so long and tight?
when I was making those noises...
You missed some idiot calling
20 times at, like, four in the morning.
- No one.
- Well, then I got nothing.
because I know how to talk
like young people.
- It is so on, you stupid bitch.
I did something
that I really, really regret.
That is so smart! You should make
all my decisions for me in life.
- How could I say no to that?
- [Knocking at door]
Where are you going?
Do you think you should you be
hitting the ball that hard
I am glad Dale wasn't there.
You know, a better conscience
would've stopped me.
[Sighing] Man, remember
when you were in your 20s,
- I'm out, fellas.
- Like your belly button, I'm "innie."
- Look, I think that...
I'd love to.
And not just because
when he drove me home,
I'm no good at saying tough stuff
to Bobby. I always chicken out.
Wow, Dale has a lot
of hurting paraphernalia.
- Hey, Bobby.
- Best buddy!
If you're not gonna talk to me,
then why did you come back to my house?
Whatever. I don't have time for this.
But you had plenty of time to come hone
in on my fake boyfriend and ruin that.
just because my marriage
worked out and yours didn't?
That's 'cause you never were before.
that I stashed some granola bars
just in case.
- It totally does.
- See, that's new.
[Sighing] To lay some hard truth on you,
but I don't think I can do it.
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 20, 2010
After her breakup with Jeff, Jules turns to Bobby for some cheering up. But when a bottle of wine leads to a passionate kiss, will they agree it was only a casual meaningless kiss? Meanwhile, Laurie discovers a thing that both Jules and Grayson have in common, while Travis plans with Kylie don't go as planned.
Let's start by eating a crap-load
of something. Put on your elastic pants.
- I wish I owned my own parking lot.
- Really? That's what you wish for?
Hanging with the fellas.
You know, Jon, Skeetch, Toby, Keith.
* Someday I'll meet her in a...
- Why aren't you taking this seriously?
- I promise to take it seriously...
- [Phone beeping]
- You have any of that pink wine?
- I got white wine.
I'm sorry, it's just that this "someday"
stuff is so ridiculously girly.
It's that damn pinecone.
[Chuckling] Good thing I didn't get
first place or you'd be blotto.
- Well, I'm glad you're here.
- Me, too.
but when you're our age
and a relationship doesn't work,
I did. Some are a little scary.
At least it's not that
awkward feeling you get
What's up, sky? What up, trees?
It's my very first
golf cart ride of shame.
Well, well, well.
Again and again...
but I'm starting to feel like
that is really bad advice.
Don't you get it? Sure, "someday"
could be 20 years from now,
What'd you do last night?
Here. Finish taking Stan on his walk.
I'm gonna go grab a nap.
No, Jules, I don't think
Sex with the Ex would be a great song.
What is with this neighborhood
and the songwriting?
That's OK, though. I like food.
Why can't we just celebrate the fact
that I'm not sad anymore?
Ahoy, land-lubbers. Daddy's home!
I'm thinking I'll be better off
- Deep down I think I always knew.
- [Door opening]
Just treat it like white noise.
You're gonna be fine.
You're sweet and kind
and forgiving and...
I feel like I always do.
Last night, we, uh...
- What did you say to her afterwards?
- I was late so I ran off.
Thanks for the insight, Mom.
Dad, thanks for the, uh...
You know what else is funny? Is...
- You just think about it, all right?
Because if you tell,
it will mess up all of our friendships.
To never tell Ellie
that you saw me completely naked?
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 13, 2010
When the relationship between Jules and her boyfriend start to heat up, Jules starts to get scared. Meanwhile, Laurie seeks diversion sex with an unsuspecting friend and Andy spills the beans about his big secret.
that sent a very clear heterosexual
message out to the world.
Laurie, I didn't try to sleep
with you because I like you, OK?
- Have fun, ladies.
OK, time for group talk.
Let's dive in.
- Please stop.
- No, I'll take this one. Um...
Sweetie, we're going to get deep,
so go take a restaurant walk.
their spit would mix in my mouth
and would kill me.
Oh, my God, there's
the accidental bump and smile...
- You sure?
- I'm sure.
# Little pregnant girl
I'm glad you guys like him, because we
actually are getting kind of serious.
No! No goodbyes.
Bobby and Grayson are both
kind of interested in Jules.
I can't believe it!
I'm a little dizzy. I'm flabbergasted!
- With my wife.
- Yeah, me, too.
Well, now that it's out,
let's go shave you.
Nice bar, don't kick.
Smith didn't dump you.
So, Bobby and I need to talk.
You're gonna bartend.
Stealing... from me.
- Those jeans really work.
- They're new!
Is that what you want?
No! You get better tips that way.
Thanks for trying. But I do.
- doesn't make it a Ferrari.
- I was being ironic.
waiting for me to show up...
but I just didn't.
That's the weak crap
you're bringing in here? "Hey?"
You can't, can you?
Because you are selfish.
in the middle of your big, beautiful
lips that you're so damn proud of.
You told me to be here at eight.
What? Wait, is the highway flooded?
And where's this dam? You...
Would it be OK if we
didn't talk about this
Yeah, I'm gonna need a few giant drinks
before you start any gropey stuff.
You know, there are also girls
that will sleep with you
If there's a group of girls and
one's got a great body but
- Well, that was a waste of 40 minutes.
- What's happening?
Are you naked except for black socks?
Hey, you want to see how I made
penny-can a little less frustrating?
Sometimes I still try and
figure out why it fell apart.
We can fix this.
I know exactly where you're at.
Yeah, it does.
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 06, 2010
Despite fearing the meanest and most unrelenting dermatologist in town, Dr. Amy Evans, Jules and Ellie are willing to endure the harsh ridicule and wrath for an appointment with the best in the business. But when Jules learns Dr. Evans is seeing
Bobby, she's determined to stand up to her and protect him. Meanwhile, Travis gets a job working for Barb that turns out to be more than he bargained for.
- You have to meet with our banker.
Do you think every single
person is here for Botox?
I'm totally submissive.
- I've killed her with kindness.
- You've got your guns with you.
You've got a smoky, sexy voice.
No, I'm gonna wait right here.
Whoa! And you in a suit?
What is going on?
I try to hang in there
for longer than five minutes.
I keep thinking someone's
trying to strangle me.
- But that's just me.
- Well, it's nice not to judge.
But I started my own business.
I'm in real estate.
Well, not this face, of course,
but the airbrushed version.
I mean, I thought he was cute, but what
kind of a tool goes by his last name?
- The one that's next to the hotel?
- We are not getting anywhere here.
Of course not, Trav. Nobody does.
Do you really want to understand women?
He's better looking than me,
but his wife is not as hot as mine.
Ah... Bill, bill...
I dove in and got it.
After all, you're the one
who busted in on us.
I'm closed Monday.
- that my family's throwing.
- Yay! I love those!
they're like a cornered badger,
ready to lash out.
Later, she'll feel guilty,
and that's gonna work for me.
She thinks she's
so much better than me.
Your banter's starting
to sound a little sexual.
So those are the main differences
between Democrats and Republicans.
- Yeah, it's a... It's a great system.
- I think it works.
- But he tries really hard.
- He doesn't.
- I just haven't decided yet.
- Well, you have my number.
Bobby doesn't mind being used.
He calls it "getting sponsored."
Screw it. I'm not going.
We just came by to pick up Trav,
but he's not here.
- Does he have an awesome peep?
- I've told you this a thousand times.
So, why'd you bail on Richie Rich?
"Couth," you know, like,
the opposite of, of "uncouth."
It's a classic case
of misplaced lady-rage.
Right? Trav, you're the best.
- Can I get another vase of wine?
- Comin' up.
Pipe down, Jeff.
Just be happy that you're here.
That's the voice that should tell you
not to be an ass when you're sitting
- Who wouldn't?
- Thanks, Grayson.
There is no possible way
I can let you down.
- No. Don't you dare answer.
Hey, this is good stuff for me to know.
Aired 12 years ago - Dec 09, 2009
Scott Foley gest stars as Jeff, a very wealthy potential home buyer who is interested in one of Jules overpriced homes. Meanwhile, Ellie with reserves leaves the baby with Andy for a day to prove that she trusts in him.
You know what might
make you feel better?
That's a sentence I was hoping
not to hear until you were 70.
- Aw, that was sweet.
- She didn't mean it though.
Always look out for the purse.
They leave it behind like a little spy.
who turns her clothes inside out
and steals yogurt.
You talking about that
"Green Business" certificate we got
who wears tiny little pants,
who sometimes twirls a tiny little cane
Maybe. You look bored.
Go play with your phone.
- Oh, nothing. Just...
No, I'm, I'm big in your head.
I'm like a giant.
All right, that's it! You can't buy
the house! Because I won't let you!
Jeff thinks he's in my head.
He is so not in my head.
- He would look so great at a movie.
- So go ask him out.
but, um, I can sense from here
that he's an old soul.
It's a play area I built for Stan,
so I can take a nap.
He might try to fight his reflection.
I'd like to see that.
Look, you're my friend,
and I wanna know what's bugging you.
I just want you to leave me alone.
Fine, but after I get them out, we're
finishing this. Come on, guys. Come on.
She's not doing bad.
- He's gonna call.
- Ah, so you gave him your number?
G- Man, I brought you over here
to prove a point.
It might be because, on your boat,
you use your microwave as a stool.
OK, this is the house at night.
It's very similar to the house at day.
Jeff, why aren't you buying
this house, hmm?
Well, I do have a date tomorrow
with a slightly younger fellow.
- Out front.
Hm... I get that. Yeah, I don't
like to be alone in my house.
- and it was an amazing experience.
I've had some time to think about
what you did, and I don't like it.
Shushing, on the other hand,
gets my panties right off.
Good. So forget him and go have fun
with Spin Class Jeans Boy.
Hey, where's the baby cage?
It's pretty taut right now,
so I'm guessing he's in the kitchen.
You and me are open for business.
Today's the day you spill the beans.
Fine. All right.
Well, I like the way the floor
really grips my shoes.
I mean, Ryan is super pretty, plus,
he's not at all afraid of cologne.
I should have had fun with
Spin Class Jean Boy, I just couldn't.
I don't think Ryan was bi.
Aired 12 years ago - Nov 25, 2009
Jules plan for a romanctic dinner for two backfires for Thanksgiving. Travis shows off his girlfriend Kylie to everyone. Jules gives Travis and Kylie advice on birth control. Bobby and Grayson bond over a common interest.
- I like this one.
- Thanks again.
That bit me in the ass, though,
on show-and-tell day.
Do you remember
that great Thanksgiving blow-up
Wine, when all the beer runs out.
- That's not healthy.
Excuse me. Quick announcement:
Mr. Torres, I don't care how much
you eat, let's keep our pants buttoned.
# Hi, Kylie
- Oh, cool it, she's still here.
For you ladies, I assume
two giant buckets of wine?
- She's pretty great.
- and get on that Mom train?
- I'll allow it.
- Well, thanks for being so cool, Mom.
- No problem.
All right, hands in!
Let's leave it all out there.
Nope! No more fatty foods for you.
I get heartburn and just...
it hurts so bad.
I guess you'll have to stick
with those middle-aged golf biddies
Tomorrow. My son's gonna be
making love, tomorrow.
- And then he farts.
- Later. But you know what?
- They're gonna put me on the news!
- Keep it together, sweetie.
and thinks my name's exotic.
Oh! Getting deep alert!
Oh, my chest.
I mean, people think that condoms
are foolproof, but they're not.
and I happen to know
tomorrow night's the big night.
I only had to break up with him
because he hit puberty
She's not gonna leave
without her purse.
Because Travis has found
every present I ever hid for him,
you're on the same team, right?
Not in front of Stan. Wake up.
How's that feel, Mr. Torres?
Do you like that?
And I promise I'm not gonna
make you uncomfortable,
I really thought
I had time to take a sip.
Please don't torture him
the way my mom tortures me.
doesn't come naturally to me.
Aired 12 years ago - Nov 18, 2009
Mad because her two best friends don't get along, Jules tries to have fun at her birthday. She finally convinces Ellie and Laurie to go with her on a wild birthday weekend, and they accept. But Jules encounters her nemesis with her flirtatious husband.
I just wanna go somewhere
where no one knows who I am
if they gave away free lipo
with the continental breakfast.
OK, your dad convinced some tourist
that he's a hunting guide,
- It was the happiest day of my life.
- Damn straight.
I'm guessing, like, seven.
I thought we agreed on 36.
Ooh! I call the bed by the window!
This weekend we're gonna be
like Thelma & Louise and Louise.
I hate her.
"Say hello to Tanya
and her slightly smaller twin, Tina."
- She won't find out.
- Jules always finds out.
Which is kinda weird 'cause I'm allergic
to pecans, and Jules knows that.
"Is it OK to have sex in a limo
before your prom?"
Of course they are.
It's OK. I'll just get my stuff.
Where is it? Whitesnake video?
Come on, Jules, have a drink.
You'll loosen up.
You see the nice gentleman
Why do you have to ruin everything?
[Gasps] How could you say that? Good!
Look, sex is supposed to be an emotional
connection between two people...
but what's done is... is done.
My friend Eric
wore this Superman costume
Where is that mouthy waitress
with our change?
Well, I had to take Shanna
someplace nice because of yesterday.
and picked herself back up! And
I still get to have a kick-ass birthday
Yeah, and then after you put
Queen Buzzkill to bed,
You know, it's my birthday. I'm 34.
And even though my friends are jerks,
the next round's on me!
Come on, I'm trying to scrape
together a fantasy here.
- No. I did.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
You make it too easy to judge you!
- You look fab, by the way.
- Still gay.
even though we barely
know each other.
The craziest story...
Maybe you're feeling
a little trapped in your own life.
- Nobody likes gossip, Shanna.
- Yeah, they do.
- What's wrong now?
- Shanna was so mean to me.
If you ever say anything about Jules
to anyone ever again,
[Up-tempo music plays]
Aired 12 years ago - Nov 04, 2009
Jules always seems to be with her friends, her ex or her son. One night when everyone is busy, she reluctantly takes a date with an older man just to get out of the house, so Grayson makes her a wager that she can't spend a whole day by herself.
I know how this is gonna end,
but I'm still gonna dive in.
- Hey, Travis.
Lot in common, lot in common.
Look, E-Train, I know you went south on
me after the divorce and I respect that.
just went from "definitely"
Oh, I'm sorry, Jules. I can't hang,
I'm right in the middle of something.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
She is eleven years younger than me.
If you add that to the age difference
Because I am a history buff...
[Strums energetic Spanish tune]
a tree and a cloud shaped
like mashed potatoes.
* Confident in my sexuality *
All right, great!
The bet starts now!
T-Rex and I are gonna fire up
the grill and have a BBQ.
* You're gonna owe me 20 bucks *
- [Crocodile hisses]
And if you don't want it, you can trade
it in for a rock that says "believe."
I figured out where I am.
Come and get me. Please?
You pump the juice yourself out of
these old-timey gas pump things.
It is so much fun being alone
when you're with someone.
Yeah, I probably shouldn't have used
those Roman Candles
Swing and a miss, Trav.
Swing and a miss.
She likes to thank people.
Unlike you, who never thanks me.
So, Dale un-broke up with Misty
because he got on her cell plan
Sweetie, whatever it is,
I have to be on her side. You know that.
What rhymes with:
* Wa, wa, wa, wah *
- I love that name you gave us.
- You're welcome.
[Strums Confident in My Sexuality]
I mean, it's not cool that he forges
Dan Marino's autograph for a living,
- it must be very important.
- Popcorn and chin whiskers.
What the hell are you guys doing?
I've got that DVD, too.
So, she really doesn't need me
to cook hot dogs?
Oh, remember we used to talk like this?
GAC, Ellie. GAC forever.
Aired 12 years ago - Oct 28, 2009
When Josh tells Jules he's in love with her, she knows the time has come to break things off with him. Unfortunately for Jules, she's not the best at ending relationships without hurting people's feelings, but thankfully she has the expertise of
friends Laurie and Ellie to see her through. Meanwhile, Bobby, Grayson and Andy hit the links with money and pride on the line.
I hate knowing looks
unless I'm giving them.
Hey, Grayson, if you were at a barbecue
playing drinking games with your buds,
No, Josh, thank you.
All he wants is, well... All of this.
- [Telephone rings]
- Ooh, that's him.
Jules, I'm trying to tell you
that I love you.
- That was uncomfortable.
- I thought it was fun.
You have to cold dump Josh's ass,
I like to do it after sex.
It's when my hair looks the best.
Fine, I'll do it. But not today.
What do you need?
I gotta go break up with someone.
But, financially, I'm still in the red.
- Here's your cash, Bobby.
- Merci beaucoup.
You're welcome, baby.
Josh, people go through
many phases in their lives.
that you actually
don't want to see them anymore?
I mean, you are easily in the top ten to
15 guys that I've ever met in my life,
- Are you dumping me?
- No, no, no, no, don't be sad.
- They didn't see me, did they?
- They did, but they rolled with it.
That's 500. That's my half
of a stupid bet Bobby made.
- One, two, three.
- All right, let's go! Come on!
Hey, thanks for this.
So I set up that tee-time for tomorrow.
but I was talking about you.
you'll be sitting in your bedroom,
sipping a glass of wine,
And there, standing on your lawn,
you'll see him.
Oh, there isn't a woman in the world
who can resist the scent of wounded boy.
Why isn't my coffee made yet?
- Oh. Is it just the one?
- Good God, Jules!
Sure. Hey, do you think
your mom likes me?
You bring the cheese, please,
I'll bring the nosh, Josh!
Relax. Do you know how many people
I've slept with that I didn't love?
- You give him his clubs back!
- Andy! Apologize and go home.
- Now we can call that bet off.
- Did you nail this in?
- I didn't want anyone to steal it.
Why are you such a wuss?
Fine. If you wanna do this right, you
have to smother any hope the boy has.
- Aw! Choked it.
- [Glass shatters]
I'm so sorry for putting you
in this position, truly.
Not my place. But come on now,
let's see this. Come on!
Back off, man. I'm warning you.
- so here's your money.
- Thank you.
Aired 12 years ago - Oct 21, 2009
Jules rues the day when her ex-husband, Bobby, and Grayson become fast friends over a mercy golf lesson that she organized to help boost Bobby's self esteem. Meanwhile, Laurie surprises even herself when she takes on a new client to prove her worth to Jules.
It sucks you're so tired.
Why do you work so hard?
I'm wearing matching underwear
with tiny bows on the side.
I knew I had to work early,
so I blew him off.
Oh, and I swear,
if you don't stop with the hazelnut,
I'm pulling up. Come outside.
Do you ever carry folders right here?
- [Mouths] What am I supposed to do?
- I don't care what you do, Laurie!
or play with him three weeks from now
after I've spent all this time
I was air-drying my skirt and it got
away from me! You made me rush.
- You rock!
- [Both] Whoo!
Oh, my God. You look amazing.
Really, I am so proud of you.
Aw, thanks for my promotion, Ellie.
So sweet of you.
I could duct tape these bad boys
and there'd still be too much jiggle.
- Sorry. Hey, Trav.
- Too late. Scarred for life.
She's probably bored answering phones.
- You mind if I call you G-Man?
- I do. Very much.
What the hell was that?
- Why does that work?
- Nobody knows. It just does.
I feel like you're embarrassed by me
and you can kiss
whoever you wanna kiss.
OK, do you remember Chrissy,
that skank Dale hooked up with,
You remind me of the statue
of David. He's nude.
I've been doing some soul-searching,
and I am in.
You are fantastic on the neck.
Work it. Oh, there you go. OK.
- Interrupt what? Travis.
- Bye, Mom.
The only time I ever spoke to your wife,
she told me she'd, and I quote,
I underestimated the fighting skills
of one of our nation's finest soldiers.
It's not good.
Look, I did a great job
staging that house.
but it has, like, 20 hooks,
so just forget it!
- Hey, you do really smell nice.
- Yeah? New cologne.
Do you know how much his self-esteem
is tied to that stupid record?
Bobby's best quality is that
he's always upbeat. Mr. Sunshine.
So I put out some food,
but this thing snuck up on me
- You and Bobby played golf today?
- Stop it.
You are coming with me.
You broke him, you fix him.
Come on, Josh. Try to keep up.
It's because I can't get
this stupid bra off.
But... All right, I'm gonna get
a little corny and brace yourself.
I went to a party with
a professional-grade margarita machine,
Aired 12 years ago - Oct 14, 2009
When Jules inadvertently tells Grayson he's hot and he doesn't reciprocate, she's on a mission to get him to admit she's sexy. With a little help from Laurie and Ellie, Jules uncovers the ultimate burn to put Grayson in his place. Meanwhile, Ellie
is feeling like she's lost her looks after the birth of Stan, and Bobby and Travis search for something to bond over.
but our marriage is over.
I just want this stuff out of here.
- Oh, a Running Man.
You know, in a weird way,
- Then stop looking at it!
- I can't stop looking.
Sweetie, nobody wears boob tape
I've got an idea.
Oh! Somebody's obsessed with my hair.
It's still weird.
I spent the whole morning
in the bathroom just staring at myself.
So many times I've just wanted
to throw this thing out!
No one goes behind
that garage much, so...
It must be worth, like, three times
its original value now.
Well, that's a great sell, Dad,
but I'm still leaning toward "no."
No, no, no, they really are
very, very sweet cheeks.
Guilty. But it is kooky how many
women find me attractive.
I knew I'd regret telling you
about Jules's sex tape.
She gave him her best years.
Cute shoes. Good shirt. Bad skirt.
I don't have to know everything
about you, OK, Laurie?
It's like that feeling you get
when someone loses weight,
I get really, really sad for two days,
Oh, my God, my pores
look like giant bullet holes.
Yes. Because you are
a stunningly beautiful woman.
Your cards are no longer honored
at this establishment.
- Yes, out of love.
I hope you were smart enough
to snag your sex tapes
- Guess who I saw today?
How'd I do?
Oh, yay for you, Laurie. Turn around.
It made me hate my ancient, saggy,
40-year-old train-wreck body.
Stay here for 30 minutes,
I'll give you Friday off.
'cause that way we get to make,
like, nine thousand trips.
See? No big deal.
I just wanted us to...
- Come on, I just...
- Not now. I gotta go harf.
I'm so sorry I was the one to,
well, break the news about Vivian.
Your opinion means nothing.
You're always nice to me.
Well, yeah, because if that trashy,
big-lipped slag said it,
Seriously, is this actually happening?
Oh, and there's our one bathroom.
Didn't even have a door.
And I'm out.
Sorry. I pictured that being
much more of a bonding moment.
Maybe for some reason
I thought you'd be really annoying
Grayson, look, I know what it's like
to want to erase your past.
Aired 12 years ago - Oct 07, 2009
Jules family and friends crash the 10th date with her new boyfriend, Josh. Ellie and Laurie help Jules realize that it's ok to be selfish once in a while, when Jules has a disastrous experience in bed with Josh. Meanwhile, Jules left Travis with Bobby, who has to be responsible and deal with his son.
and I'm like, "Whoo!"
And you're like, "Ow!"
If you're not gonna eat that,
may I have it?
That's two locations
and a wardrobe change!
Oh, you want to see a cool magic trick?
What's happening tonight?
- It doesn't bother me, Ellie.
- This is not about you.
I already scheduled your mani-pedi.
before she gets waxed, so her waxer
doesn't think she's a cavewoman.
You're ruining it.
- and I was all...
- Excuse me for one second.
Right. So she was all,
"Your boyfriend is tasty... "
- Wow, he seems tense.
- You ate your baby!
- We're just not connecting.
I found barnacles and a starfish
in the cabin,
Hey, Dad, does this thing have an anchor
you could drive through my skull?
Classic tune, turn it up!
- Were you trapped in a well?
- I missed my appointment.
I'm not sure I'm comfortable doing
the manicure while she's waxing you.
Bring it! I'll be still.
- All right.
- Come on. Hurry.
- Hey, baby!
- I hate you, Dale.
Come on up!
- You OK?
- Was it a six?
- Way higher.
You were probably off your game.
It happens to all of us.
Well, I did feel a little off. When
I was on top, my knee kept clicking.
you and I get along so well,
golf cart that you drive around town,
the super-fun fact that you mow lawns
Your pie is on its way out.
You know it serves eight, right?
- Know what, that's OK.
I'm out seeing if our real estate signs
are still up.
Speaking of which,
I may need a ride back to Dale's later.
is total rejuvenation surgery.
Some people are just
doomed to hate themselves.
- Did you not see the ankle bracelet?
- Yeah, it's horrible.
Aired 12 years ago - Sep 30, 2009
Jules tries to party hard like a twentysomething and ends up looking like a total fool, when even her best friend Ellie, told her not to do it. Travis discovers trying to avoid further embarrassment due to his father, Bobby, working at his school, can actually add to it. Jules gets as frustrated as she faces the physical limitations of her age.
I don't want to play this game
anymore, OK? Let's go.
I thought we were sharing
incredibly boring facts about ourselves.
and we're going through this stuff.
You know what? This should be our thing.
- Ah! Don't tell Ellie.
- Later, J-Bird.
I don't believe
in having regrets, Jules,
You can still have your twenties.
I mean, you're halfway there.
[gasps] Eating pancakes
at 3:00 in the morning.
instead of getting
a barrel of popcorn and eating it
I just made a horrible mistake,
That's why I brought out
ol' Bessie here.
- Helps with the bugs.
- Good God.
Hmm, so witty.
But this isn't how I do fun anymore.
But, don't worry, she looks great.
Did you see how tiny her purse is?
You can't even put a credit card there.
You guys take your time.
- Let me see that.
- No, no. You don't want to see it.
- Are you OK?
- My head hurts, I kissed Barb,
We need you to go over to Grayson's,
make friends and then be mean to him.
- Whoa, Andy. What's up?
- I brought over pizza and beer.
- That's right.
- I'm gonna get some takeout,
- Give me. I'm in.
- What's happening?
I came out to get the mail and
I got thirsty. I'm a little hung over.
Turn around and catch her
on "three." One, two...
- Good guy. He's a college professor.
- Of course he is.
Ah! Ha-ha! Ahh!
- So Ellie had you call.
- Please, girlfriend, I'm my own man.
Proving something. "Proving."
Hang up the phone.
The night you were in New York. Miami.
The month you didn't see the sun.
because you thought
it'd give you mouth wrinkles?
Ellie? Are you still there?
You know, I've seen
the endless parade of girls
Men get older, it's adorable. It's
actually my favorite double standard.
Aired 12 years ago - Sep 23, 2009
We meet Jules, a woman who at her twenties took on marriage and a baby instead of experiencing the dating scene. Now on her forties, she finds herself as a divorcee and eager to live the dating scene that she missed. With the help of her friend,
Laurie, her younger co-worker who wants to show Jules to go out there and have fun. Ellie, her sarcastic, married and content to her average but lovable husband Andy. There's also her family, her ex-husband Bobby and her son Travis, who will test her patience, and her new forty-something divorced neighbour Gray, who doesn't believe that Jules can date again.
I'm gonna show everyone
that baby picture of you two
You see? It's not a walk of shame
if someone does it with you.
But nobody cares, because when
a 40-year-old guy gets divorced,
Oh, to hell with it. Hey, kid!
- Ryan. Tell him I love him.
- I got you.
I don't care if you fire me.
I am putting you back out there.
- Hey, Barb.
- And good morning to you.
Tonight is the night.
We're going on the prowl.
I'm also saying that I just don't want
to become someone that I make fun of.
Please buy the house.
- I can't believe I married you.
- Yeah, that was a bad call.
And maybe you should ask yourself
what you did to make me do that.
You know, ever since you got divorced,
she's been trying to steal you from me.
The biggest mistake of my life,
screwing that one up.
It's a little chilly in here.
Also, I never really had my twenties
Well, I only had four left, and
this is the hand that I smoke with.
- [Mouthing] Hit that!
- Stop it!
- Good, you're home. Come over.
- May I come in?
Do you like crackers
with peanut butter on them?
I lied to you and I went to a bar...
Oh, just go look at him.
Oh, my God, what if he
wants to leave the lights on?
We're having grown-up talk.
Go push Stan around the block.
You know why all the junior high boys
are stealing these?
- How about now?
- But you and I had a plan, remember?
Ellie, I will always have time for you.
a landscaping position
Look, I know you and I had a bit
of an awkward moment last night.
Hey, don't worry about it.
He'll be fine.
you're not going to.
Not when you're 50,
Hey, nice pull with that hottie, sister.
Can we stop sprinting? I feel like
my boobs are trying to kill me.