Aired 11 years ago - May 19, 2013
Marge mistakes Sassy Madison, a swinging-type website, for Dolly Madison, a cupcake site, not realizing it’s a destination for married people seeking liaisons. On the site, she meets the charming Ben, who pursues her after they learn they share
mutual love of TV series Upton Rectory.
Meanwhile, Bart and Homer obtain a small steam train from the now closed down Itchy & Scratchy Land.
MORE
-LESS
Uh, I had one,
but I forgot it.
Eh, take it home.
It's yours.
There's no such place!
I just ordered Homer's
anniversary gift.
Trust me, Homer doesn't care
where the cupcakes come from.
♪ Kelly was at
the end of her wits ♪
I just put all my personal
information on their Web site.
Selma, cheating is a sin.
and may thy dead man switch
never be used.
"Sorry. I'm not interested
That coming up?
The expression on her face
will be priceless.
Good question.
And by the way,
this is my real voice.
How stupid are you?
I'm sorry. I didn't even
know you were here.
I know a place where no one
in town will see us.
Going on ten years.
Your Homer is
the luckiest man on earth.
Such great characters,
Yeah. Alone, I'm sure.
You see, Moe's been
depressed and needs
Mom, Bart's twisting facts
in an Orwellian fashion.
Upton Rectory is made possible
by a sizeable endowment
I guess sometimes
you just don't end up
and a man who once served me
soup from the wrong side.
Take mine--
the Star of Bombay.
Room room.
Three kids with no money,
but plenty of love!
Where's it from?
Yeah. I sell 'em on the Internet
for like-minded people.
cut out of the house
to go to a movie?
I guess this
is good-bye, then.
♪ Just thinking of you, Marge
suck it in and smile.
Happy anniversary!
Mmm, I'm Marge Simpson.
I've learned over
ten years of marriage.
and he broke his wrist
or something.
Of course I do.
♪ Marge was feeling
lonely and bored ♪
♪ Ben went back on the site
Aired 11 years ago - May 19, 2013
Homer, Moe, Lenny and Carl win $200,000 in the Springfield Lottery. But when Carl takes off to Iceland – his homeland – with all the winnings, the guys embark on a Nordic adventure to get the cash back.
Or be hit by lightning.
Are you nuts? You can't win
if you don't play.
And I'm 69.
I'm so happy.
♪ And...
His travel neck pillow's gone
from its pedestal.
"I've gone home.
I still can't believe it was
Carl who took your winnings.
You don't know
where Carl is from?
and we're already
auditioning replacements.
Something's reflected in
the lenses of Carl's sunglasses.
"Strokkur Geysir."
I guess I'm only bringing one
guitar on this revenge trip.
all the way to the
very edge of the bed?
Hey, Lenny, when are you
gonna wise up?
Hey, Vikings,
it's still pretty damn cold!
Just say he's black, Moe.
It heals, but slowly.
burning our sweaters
Ooh, phew, oh,
that's a lot of letters.
Well, I guess I'll just read
the car rental contract again.
repulsive food of
my native land.
My family's always believed
We are just guys who sit
next to each other at a bar
When the nice ones snap,
What the hell is this?
Guys, do you think
Carl was right?
Hmm?
Carl spent all our money
Well, we won't
know that till after.
Okay, let's see
what this thing says.
"The Carlsons
then wrote down this saga
and a lesbian prime minister.
The blood of 1,000 tiny horses
is on their hands.
You peel it off,
in youse's hearts
to forgive his ancestors.
Guys, thanks for teaching me
Aired 11 years ago - May 12, 2013
Marge encourages Bart to explore his creative side, and his initial reticence quickly subsides when she hires Slava’s beautiful daughter, Zhenya, as his new piano instructor.
Homer is shocked when he loses the last two hairs on his head, and employs a wide variety of headgear to try and keep his new found baldness a secret from Marge.
into artistic expression.
get in there.
they win the grand prize
of $100.
If you're worried about
your Mother's Day present,
Let me disabuse you
of that misperception.
Gurney Halleck's beloved zither:
I see you are wearing
the bald man's beret.
A cowboy hat means
Sit at piano.
There might be
some nagging involved.
But I used the best label paste.
Those royal elephants have
trainers to keep them in shape.
Clickety clack!
Hands at 10:00 and 2:00.
Do what I do.
♪ Yeshche odim sezon
Lesson over.
Ugh. Speaking of police...
We're all not high-waisted
like you, Lou, okay?
What's wrong?
I have hidden talents.
And you.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, I've got
a watch, egghead.
Been bald since I was 23.
I just slept with
thousands of bald women.
I guess Bart must be
a musical genius,
Oh, of course I'm grateful.
you'd still be proud of me
You'll need your voice
to say, "Thanks, Mom,"
could go to your brain
and kill you.
♪ Who can make the sun rise?
I was faking it.
And to think you'd do this
on Mother's Day.
Mrs. Marge, I took
my driver's test.
Even Russian dressing
is just Thousand Island.
I know it.
Thanks, Mom.
I have something to show you.
Aired 11 years ago - May 05, 2013
Moe is flying high after venture capitalists take a shine to his homemade whiskey, while Grampa, after injuring himself babysitting Bart, decides he'd rather be looked after by his grandson than be at the nursing home. Also, Lisa voices her
displeasure at a hologram of music legend Bleeding Gums Murphy, and Sonny Rollins (as himself) shows up to ask her to stop all that jazz about boycotting a record label.
MORE
-LESS
♪ It brings on many changes ♪
♪ How deep is your love?
How deep is your love? ♪
♪ I believe in yous.
and I'm gonna take
this opportunity to...
I sent you to the store
to get applesauce
Moe, this trip is about
turning your life around.
Bart, you're in
charge of Grampa.
but you're with
people who love you
That a boy!
♪ Better than before
I'll be the best-dressed
john in the whorehouse!
Oh, Moe, this suit
really brings out
Whatever Bart's doing,
it's got to be pretty bad
Bleeding Gums Murphy?
If the Wilsons' calf
is birthed,
My tailbone!
Another layer of dirt.
that the new, improved Moe's
is open for business.
but you get a little.
I've made a lot of mistakes,
Time for your meds!
Not like I miss
having my afternoons free
"Once again, I write protesting
your holographic exploitation
From Tupac Shakur to
Dwight Eisenhower,
Have you no shame?!
Hey, thanks, guys.
made of girl-parts
that I have ever seen.
All you do is show up
at the stock exchange,
but it turned out
the magic was
Don't stand up!
giving you love and
attention for nothing!
of this final horrible
part of my life.
Look!
My face is gonna be
on every bottle!
Aired 11 years ago - Apr 28, 2013
Homer is recruited to be a deacon by the cutting-edge new pastor. The dry cleaner mistakenly switches Marge's wedding dress for one of Krusty's costumes.
Why won't somebody
blame the children?
He will give us succor.
Mind if I p-p-pray through?
Now, for chili,
that's just dandy,
He was the number two man
from Shelbyville.
And that's all
this thing really says.
Aw.
One day out of rehab, and I...
Homer's Pie Man costume,
Lisa's red dress,
Let's go.
What's the hurry?
Some of us
don't have dressing rooms.
Well, I represent an easygoing
offshoot of Protestantism.
I've sucked every church
book ribbon there is
Listen, I'm just thinking.
Well, I'm not one for
taking new jobs on a whim.
before the wedding.
really can be explained
Um... give me a minute.
Heading for the door,
pushing the handle.
The only thing bigger than you
is you tomorrow.
♪ Three things I pray
How?
That couple
right there.
We can have the
reception at Wong Lee's.
♪ I'm already a deacon,
day by day... ♪
Church songs
with clapping.
He's in a place full of
brimstone and exposed flesh.
We wouldn't have to do this
if you remembered your Hindi.
Reverend, this is just
the kind of tomfoolery
Hmm. Plagues.
for thinking about doing
something naughty,
To think those
exterminators were just
Much better.
Remember you said,
"When hell freezes over?"
with scholarship offers?
His boringness saved us all.
Aired 11 years ago - Apr 14, 2013
Homer's behavior once again lands him in hot water with Marge and he needs to fathom a way to save his marriage, while a dose of "A Streetcar Named Desire" drives Milhouse to affect a Marlon Brando-esque bad-boy demeanor in an effort to impress Lisa.
I think I'm interesting!
The most romantic part
of this was the hold music
That usually works,
but not today.
Listen, we swore
we'd never go to sleep
For a man confronted
with danger,
do whatever the other thing was!
I think our lunches
got mixed up.
Um... do you want it?
He could board my
streetcar any time.
Great. She's never gonna talk
to me again.
Certainly not I.
Moving on...
From the place beside
the gas station.
"Marge, I'm gonna
lose ten pounds."
It came with fries
or salad.
and then I wondered if the me
she likes is the real me.
and I'll be here
for as long as it takes.
How do I win Marge over?
Searchy, where can I
find brake fluid?
you left me in the forest,
so I made cookies.
Then this is just me.
I put training wheels
on Bart's bike,
comparing our relationship
to the Special Olympics?
and for this to be the last
decision I have to make.
Lis, you saved us.
...and parts we make
into omakase.
Wow, this is the most delicious
analogy I've ever eaten.
He ate the eye.
All he has to do is not eat
a piece before I do.
Well, at least you don't
have to suffer, boy.
Whoo-hoo! I'll woo
her with whoo-hoo.
I-I can't be the only one
who likes this.
Go back to the cowboy thing
and wait in the car.
What does this do?
Now, I'm going to give you
Not because of
what you bought,
Not gonna say.
Are we forever to be
trapped here in this sea?
Aired 11 years ago - Mar 17, 2013
Lisa comes to her brother's defense when Bart is accused of an Easter prank involving the school marching band, the horn section and some rotten eggs. Meanwhile, Mr. Burns seizes the opportunity to realize his lifelong ambition to become a superhero.
and his sidekick,
The Fleecy Kid.
You've ruined
Halloween, Thanksgiving,
Okay, I'll pay
for your damn band candy!
Hand over your son,
There's only so many kids.
It's so frickin' boring.
but it's impossible to find
one who doesn't hate you.
Gentlemen,
our system balances both.
The attorney general and
I have been playing chess
He's just like me.
No sooner than I'd
forget my own mother.
Objection!
Prejudicial!
Yay, field day!
A little
more brooding, and...
I am the squeak in the rafters,
Who has the
strength for that?
No one could have touched
those eggs
Motion denied.
And then I...
Oh, man, this is so painful.
Hmm?
She mustn't know
I'm a hero.
you could have
actually helped.
Why are you washing
Bumblebee Man's pants?
Interesting,
except you missed one thing.
This kilt says you framed
my brother.
But how did you get the key?
Ah! A human fruit bat!
It's amazing how much exercise
I've gotten from those words.
Inside your head?
Despite what happened here,
Maybe I should wrap them around
your gabby little throat.
Gentlemen,
this threat is too great
Iron Lung.
Aired 11 years ago - Mar 10, 2013
When Flanders' parents prove to prefer Homer's company to his, he jealously responds by giving Homer a shiner, and then tries desperately to reconcile with him. Meanwhile, Lisa is at a loss to understand why a new substitute teacher is bullying her for no obvious reason.
and who won't just teach us
corporate-sponsored lessons.
Do I detect enthusiasm?
the new art teacher,
Mr. Testacleese.
I just put an "A."
Now if you could make with
some bacon and eggs,
Son, you are
the Mayor of Dullsville.
Oh, man.
I'm hop-scotching
from paragraph to paragraph,
Is it possible I've met
a teacher who doesn't like me?
Homer, you'll need to
wear this eye patch
My mustache fell out;
this is a clip-on.
one nation, under Zod...
Punch my eye,
destroy my marriage.
You need to get
some sleep.
Not to my taste.
I remind you of you?
We don't know
when we've gone too far!
My bully is my teacher.
Oh, I got some explaining to do
down at the bank.
Quiet, nerd!
Union!
Power.
"Life shall go for life, eye
for an eye, tooth for a tooth."
Jeepers creepers, pop my peeper!
What? Why?
Way better-better-better!
Way better-better-better!
that you and I
aren't getting along.
Why does someone become a bully?
of dog feces right into
that monster's mouth!
The word "tarp," of course,
is short for "tarpaulin,"
it just makes things worse.
in Louisiana
during the off-season.
Well, sir, here's
a roll of quarters
with any desire,
and nothing was forbidden?
Ms. Cantwell?
Yes?
Well, I can't see
what harm one kid could do.
I know.
Posted a video online.
Wait, wait.
That is so unsatisfying.
Bookworms like me can't
stand party girls like you.
into the brownies
I gave them.
Aired 11 years ago - Mar 03, 2013
Homer's obsession with the TV show "Storage Battles" leads the family to discover Grampa's past identity as "Gorgeous Godfrey," the most feared, villainous man in pro-wrestling history.
What's more amazing, he was once revered by a young Montgomery
Burns, who now convinces Grampa to get back in the ring. But when Bart starts to adopt some of his grandfather's former cheating ways, Grampa must reconcile with his past before it's too late.
MORE
-LESS
$650.
Tights? Robes?
I think this is great.
My dad has
always been so angry.
because it's cool
to be accepting
The contents of that locker
are my private business!
Oh.
"Wonderful older man
seeks life partner
I hope someone
saw our ad.
You're blocking the ducks.
I so wanted
him to be gay.
You could make good money
if you were the manly mixture
Grampa, you were
the original bad boy.
Oh, yeah?
Well, it looks like
you've made a new fan.
I can't believe I'm on the town
What I wouldn't give
to see Glamorous Godfrey
♪ Don't really care
for chasing women ♪
♪ Oh, the crowd is full
of gentlemen ♪
♪ Terminators,
one, two and three ♪
♪ If everybody wants you dead
Glamorous Godfrey
will wrestle again!
The only thing he's
"straight-up" is loves you.
In this corner,
Baby Face Palooka.
It makes you strong,
powerful, alive.
I just...
it's that... he, uh...
It's the prettiest boy
in Springfield, Bart Simpson!
Hey, Simpson, tell your
kid to quit showboating.
I got one
just for watching the game.
Look what your
number one fan
that would make every fan
in the history of the sport
Bart cannot be an
old-time wrestler!
You know it,
Glamorous!
a busboy, or even
a stoplight squeegee man,
In this corner,
for truth and justice,
And you're a baby-face.
How dare you.
I wrote a song for you.
They're cheering, Grampa.
Aired 11 years ago - Feb 17, 2013
Bart and Milhouse explore the perks of being an adult when a shaving accident leaves Milhouse looking exactly like his father, Kirk.
Marge fears Maggie is slipping into the clutches of children's television.
written by TV stars.
One day, Silly Sally said,
Oh, I could slurp this soup
forever.
Okay, now to see if I
can apply my book knowledge
I couldn't get
through a day without
Don't worry, all I need
is a cigarette lighter
I always wanted
to wear a necktie.
Whoa, that's a little too tight.
What, now I'm not
pulling it off?
♪ Here comes your man.
Another invasive Skype
from Mil... Huh?
I also want to say that
Bart is a remarkable boy,
Sometimes it's just so nice
to have a man take charge.
You now have one
minute, 55 seconds.
You know what's itchy
and what's not.
I'm driving a truck.
An adult-- he's buying it.
I want to buy this beer,
uh, cigarettes,
Your grown-man
friend is all right.
Oh, well, in my case,
not to go to downtown
Springfield.
visited upon our people,
I mean, he-he's my son.
a settlement to any parent
Marge, can I get a subscription
to Highlights magazine?
Just my honey pie.
Shake hands?
Uh, we'd like it in singles
and nickels, please.
Give me a break.
but Luann just told me
they're supposed to be here.
How many kids
will jazz corrupt?
Lady, my stomach's full,
and I want to go.
Though, some days,
Kirk, don't you have
something to tell her?
The kids?
How'd you know it was me?
And worst of all,
you cast my vote.
just like you.
Aired 11 years ago - Feb 10, 2013
Bart's dream girl, Mary Spuckler, comes to town, but his failure to pay her enough attention is having a negative impact on their relationship. Meanwhile, Homer once again runs afoul of Marge and lands in the doghouse.
That sure makes up for my dad
beating me last night.
overcame a bout of
prairie madness,
Ask his girlfriend,
the game.
She knows she's the apple
of the corner of my eye.
♪
our folk singing for posterity.
A lot of musical
talent in this house.
to watch-listen
to this!
I wrote a whole song
for you, Bart Simpson.
Mary, it's our turn to
use the boyfriend room.
You did everything
great, Bart.
What I'm saying applies
to you, too, Dad.
How can something
Thank you,
last contestant.
Then you got no act.
Uh-huh.
And me, too.
You're givin' me
book report talk.
to get my own
liquor ad.
Everything's fine.
Everything's fine.
She has been
de-avoidably untained.
into your purple rose
of Cairo.
Everyone's fast asleep.
Okay, Luann,
it's all settled.
Hey, you're a pretty
little thing, you are,
Yeah.
kind of human being
separate from myself.
You're both
in the doghouse,
You're saying it like
it happens all the time.
It just says somebody died in
this room in the last 72 hours.
So, um, how are you
handling taking a break?
♪ Of underachieving
♪ Was totally horrid
♪ Where he'll eat
his own shorts. ♪
Well, then let's "power"
this party up.
Well, we had it there that day,"
recalls a reporter.
the assassination to push
through the Civil Rights Act.
I... that is to say...
Agreed, but to win
back our women,
Hmm, cursive.
♪ Dad, don't be
a credit hog ♪
A completed chore list.
but we wouldn't last.
Any video game ever made.
Aired 11 years ago - Jan 27, 2013
A tornado inspires Homer and Marge look for guardians for the kids in case something bad happens; Marge questions the motives of potential guardians.
One, two, three, go.
Enough with the singing.
Police have arrived on the scene
Well, our
top priority
It was so scary
thinking something
Now, I know you kids
are scared by what happened,
It's hard to imagine
I got it, Dad.
or should I say
two identical choices?
Didn't you want to
ask us something?
before inviting in
three more mouths he can't feed.
winds up in the stew pot.
Wait a minute,
I live here. Aw.
Homer, dual incomes,
no kids at 2:00.
That's where they
filmed The Wire!
Wait, what about
that couple?
It's one of the, like,
awesome side effects
Yeah, I earned a couple million
on the tour last year.
What's that stone
around your neck?
because Cecil Rhodes
was such a racist.
Okay, take whatever
time you need.
I'm exactly the kind of kid
he's pretending to be.
Maybe this will help you
make up your mind.
You don't look a Trojan horse
in the mouth.
Oh, uh, well,
he wanted to be here,
I still have my uses.
Oh, wait, there's one more.
Hey, if they can watch them
for the rest of their lives,
It helps me write.
to get the pets'
Christmas presents.
except me,
from that theme park jail
without wrecking
that perfect figure.
Then an apology to make.
and it just seemed like you guys
didn't really want them.
I'm a lawyer;
he's a surfer.
We're going to Bali.
Aired 11 years ago - Jan 13, 2013
Springfield Elementary must depend on Bartificial intelligence when it's threatened with closure after doing poorly on standardized testing, and since Bart's the only one who missed the exam, it's up to him to raise the average grade to save the school.
To decide how much your
electricity bills will rise,
Release the radioactive steam.
in my dressing room.
We can keep the shrimp
de-veiner, though, right?
thanks to the magic
of potato power.
Well, class,
I don't mind leaving you,
Why did I sell one to Nelson?
I don't teach to the test.
I teach 'em to dodge balls.
Ah, ah, ah, but let me check
that list of things
Oh, thank God.
Any correlation to your talents,
needs, or friends
It's not like you're losing
a rake or a backhoe.
Hey, don't blame me.
I didn't even take the test.
It's Bart.
You can spin in my chair!
All right, now to drag
the meter to the next idiot.
♪ Turn and face
the strange ch-ch-changes ♪
Principal Skinner, could you help me
sharpen this pencil?
If you don't
pass this test,
We've got to get you
more time to study.
I bought you time, boy.
Don't blow it.
But, of course,
that question mark could be
So, how's the studying going?
No one in this town
has any money.
Lisa, I want to
pass that test.
People cut their own heads,
I can't make up for ten years
of goofing off in one day.
Your paper towel packets
promised 102 sheets of towels.
As for the quarters, well,
I wish that
wishing wells worked
Start the upswing!
Aired 11 years ago - Jan 06, 2013
With the end of the world looming, Homer decides to join an off the grid group of survivalists who've set up a secret sanctuary outside of Springfield to prep for the apocalypse. However, a skeptical Marge is suspicious of the plans.
Soon you'll know peace.
Real... mature...!
Ain't no shame
in being poor, boy.
I'm sure they'll have us
out of here soon.
The sneeze guard is broken!
Mmm. Butter.
It's time to get
back on the horse.
Sweeten your greetin'.
I guess, despite all
our so-called civilization,
What's W.R.O.L.?
Or is it?
The man who is prepared.
And I'm the guy you want to know
when the stuff hits the fan.
Homer, meet
the Springfield Preppers.
Electromagnetic pulse.
that you keep
your prepping secret.
While you can.
Uh... are you eating my grain?
What's up? Going
crazy again?
Guys who call themselves
Preacher or Deacon are very bad.
will teach you
the true meaning of cold!
Aren't they just
saying "refrigerator"?
Anyway, when
the Four Horsemen ride,
I can't find
all our cereal crackers,
I've hidden all our supplies
behind a fake wall.
Marge, the apocalypse is coming.
All electronics in Springfield
have been disabled.
to ensure
there's no panic?
and Bart's in his room
with Milhouse.
Ay, caramba!
How can you call yourself
a Christian?
Now, do not look at their faces.
I'm sorry, Bart.
You said you cut the wires
to the alarm.
If we miss it, we're dead.
The starving people
of Springfield
Society may have crumbled,
but our decency hasn't.
Dad, you said people would be
drinking each other's blood.
as if all the weird,
angry people had left.
I would have been a big shot.
is better than the savagery
of creating a new one?
or if you wait ten
minutes, you can have
Aired 11 years ago - Dec 16, 2012
A distracted Homer allows Santa's Little Helper to get loose, and the family are furious with his unconcerned attitude, until Grandpa shines some light on things by telling them the story of Homer's childhood pup, Bongo.
I gotta write that down
and send it to Conan.
"And the Lord saw
Um, where's
Santa's Little Helper?
Hank-hew.
We don't want a raccoon.
Goofing on it made me feel wise.
Your father's an idiot.
Whoa, now I've got to buy
a corpse wagon.
♪ I wonder what will happen...
I've just never really
been a dog person.
We got him years ago.
but Bongo knew just what to do.
Uh-huh. All my stories
have endings now.
Then came the fateful day
Creepy.
and feel his wagging
tail go stiff.
So Mr. Burns wanted
to kill Homer's dog.
♪ Little Homer had a dog
When God closes a door,
he opens a gun shop.
A hole next to the seat
to hold my cup?
Ralph, I like that name.
He'd go to jail and stay there
'cause he loves the easy life,
Now, son,
a lot of people are cuckoo
Son, uh, why don't you
give him your sweatshirt
I've got
a hockey game tonight.
I got a bug zapper,
and I ain't afraid to use it.
drop a horse on a
church afterward.
I insist you never wear shoes
or a proper necktie again.
You're probably wondering
how I got rabies.
I happen to remember it
just a little differently.
so I'd never get the toy
I actually wanted.
There's one part of the story
even Grampa didn't know about.
Bongo was...
A Christmas card I got
from Miss Viola years later.
You saved Bongo.
Aw, give me a hug, son.
If you don't give the
driver all the money,
Aired 11 years ago - Dec 09, 2012
A "cool family" from Portland moves in next door to the Simpsons. Homer is desperate to befriend them, while Marge is skeptical, worried about some of their more eccentric qualities.
Aired 11 years ago - Nov 25, 2012
Homer wins a MyPad at the school auction and quickly becomes obessed with it. He goes into a funk when he breaks it, until Ned Flanders discovers a miracle tree in the Simpsons' back garden.
Your tolerance is too high.
One minute you're lying in
your hammock drinking beer,
Sorry, I'm afraid
the most I can do
for comin' out to
the ol' corral here...
Remember when me gettin'
a cell phone was a big deal?
Three cheers for Homer,
and agree to buy
all our future products.
Ooh, that adult Etch-A-Sketch
Here's one that gives you
a cool '70s moustache.
Hey, Dad!
Dad, check this out!
Homie, you want to read to
Maggie before she goes to sleep?
Hmm, I guess you're right.
How long have I been playing?
Flushy, go get help.
Which of you is the YouTube
And please, please make the next
swing of the yo-yo an up.
Has the myPad risen?
or George Washington
on a dollar bill?
God's there
with his little spare
and squeezed the sap
out of that tree.
perhaps the greatest is hope.
So come and see
the sticky brown truth.
This is newsman Kent Brockman,
the truth behind this
so-called miracle tree.
The castle is plywood?!
with which he writes
the word "hope."
Don't call Satan.
Let's go inside.
♪ And you'll sing "Vita Bella" ♪
♪ When you dance down the street
with a cloud at your feet ♪
♪ When... ♪
♪ "Vita Bella," "Vita Bella"
Hearts will play ♪
♪ That's amore. ♪
Aired 12 years ago - Nov 18, 2012
Homer is shocked to discover that his bowling teammate, Dan Gillick (guest voice Steve Carell), is an accountant for Fat Tony (guest voice Joe Mantegna) and his mob. Meanwhile, Lisa adds insects to her vegetarian diet after passing out during a saxophone solo, but starts questioning her decision when bugs start pleading for mercy in her dreams.
which is the only thing
we should not be bleeding.
Yes, sweetie, it's Daddy.
This is why
I'm a season subscriber.
Lisa, if you must forgo meat,
I advise you to take
Okay, can't touch
the bread-dipping.
Or... a couple of hooves.
A kid's never lonely
when he has bologna.
eight spiders in his sleep.
And I promised Paul McCartney
I wouldn't sleep with John.
but I am sure if you put
your foot down on their throats
Thank you. Thank you
for giving me an attitude.
Please welcome long-time
squisher, first-time eater,
And while we're at it,
no more tortellini!
Oh, you did that to help me out.
Bottom line, Tone,
I agree.
If I may,
just one question.
Oh, thank God.
I'll be cool.
First of all, hi.
Hi, Dan.
I want you to stop me
from doing it.
Please stop.
Okay, I don't... I don't
know why I said it.
Oh, it looks like
a kidnapping in progress, Chief.
Oh, that's good.
Oh, that burns.
Hello.
Just don't lay egg...
I really think that's
coming from our house.
How about the Disney
Minority Program?
would be a part
of the Day of the Locust.
why I shouldn't
kill you right now.
Stop!
How do you keep
finding me?
Give it to me.
I don't have to see it.
And I have it.
Can you hurry
this up, please?
Aired 12 years ago - Nov 11, 2012
Homer and Marge try to track down Grampa by following clues from his past, while Lisa struggles to resist gambling away her college fund.
Wait, the frog in the trench
coat is Kermit, too?
where the FDIC can't get its
grubby little hands on it!
...invested!
Ha! Of course I do!
A lot of bobbers then.
By which I mean
every museum.
The place that changed
my life..."
Not counting my tips
to the waitresses.
All due respect, Mr. Flanders,
could I have a little privacy?
When people ate steak, drank
champagne, and the music...
Simpson! I pay you
to clean tables,
♪ When you waltz in the place
Can a 35-year-old busboy's
life get any better?
Hey, you can't
do that!
Papadapaconstanti-kasgianopolop
odopotopolis.
That's where we live!
Start with your senses Marnie.
because I'd be pretty
devastated right now.
Well, just what attracted
you to my father?
Alive, but very clueless.
Abe popped the question.
Abe! They want to book us
on a European tour!
He can handle 110 volt,
but 220 would kill him.
Sometimes you gotta hit
the minor keys.
"Cash out now," and yet...
It's like Kenny Rogers'
most famous line:
You've still got a college fund.
Listen, after I won,
the website found out
Because I actually like you
and felt sorry for you.
And tell him to put on
a splash of this.
After people found out
it's 98% squirrel sweat,
and make us explore your
fascinating past again.
Grampa, we will never
miss a visit again.
I can't say all is forgiven,
but most is forgotten.
Don't take Grampa's meds.
Aired 12 years ago - Nov 04, 2012
When Marge's car falls into a sink hole, she buys the perfect replacement to fit her family of five. But she quickly grows to hate it because, as she tells a shocked Homer, the car would be too small if she wanted to have another baby. Meanwhile,
Bart and his friends are determined to find out what secret Lisa is keeping when Bart finds her cryptic messages and follows her sneaking off downtown for covert meetings after school.
MORE
-LESS
Eh, you know, in this town,
you learn to adjust to things:
Try to land on
the other traitors.
my administration has solved
a problem.
they go and fill it in!
Well, if they're not taking
the bus, neither am I.
"The five boxing wizards
jump quickly." Whoa.
Are you and your husband here
to look for a new car?
Wow, somebody
knows her cars.
Those Web sites are taking food
out of my children's mouths.
Uh-oh!
Do you hear that rattle?
Can I be straight with you?
Mm-hmm.
for the female mind.
Do you think maybe
there's another reason
I mean, I don't know what we'd
do if we had another baby.
I do!
Being a mom is who I am,
and I'm not done being who I am.
'cause we're gonna
try it tonight!
with...
Gentleman doesn't ask,
lady doesn't tell.
you know, working
stuntmen in his cannon.
Oh...
It's okay!
We got bigger problems.
Homer can't make a baby
That's how I got the money
to buy you your necklace.
Then today will be nothing
but beautiful memories.
Can we stop?
If her grades drop, we're not
technically a school;
There's no permission slip
for what we're doing.
to investigate a piece of paper
we found on the ground.
Uh, we do not.
What's that, baby?
was to have another baby.
It's just that we have
a hard enough time
Where'd Daddy go?
that I'll change my mind
and not want one.
Or it may be under
the name Thad Supersperm.
And anything that's half you
Aired 12 years ago - Oct 07, 2012
Marge and Homer go back to ancient Mayan times and learn that the world will come to an end in 2012; and a glitch in the Springfield Subatomic Supercollider wreaks havoc on the city.
At least the pennant
works both ways.
Oh, my God particle!
Oh, no! I got to take it away
I's poor
and shack-less.
three stray dogs?
Help a brother out, B.H.
Dad, don't pat it!
Dad, that's
creepy.
♪ Gone, gone, gone ♪
This is a black hole,
not a lawn-and-leaf bag!
your Presidents' Day
Mattress Blowout insert.
- Wonderful stuff. Enjoy it.
- Zune.
Night 1.
waits for a family to go
to sleep then kills them.
Oh. Like
what you see, huh?
and now the devil
wants his due.
It's Moe with wings!
Hail Satan.
Save us, Marge.
Now, before we start,
what's the safe word?
I won't be needing this!
Well, well, well, if
it isn't Homer Simpson
who killed all your fun!
Promenade? With you?
Don't act like I'm the first
person that ever said that.
Ma'am, whatever you do,
do not marry that ape.
Thursday Night Football?
Why would I suck smoothie
when I can suck face with you,
Achem!
Aired 12 years ago - Sep 30, 2012
Bart will be visited by many of his past girlfriends. Zooey Deschanel, Anne Hathaway, Sarah Silverman, Natalie Portman, and Sarah Michelle Gellar will guest star, reprising their roles as Mary Spuckler, Jenny, Nikki McKenna, Darcy, and Gina Vendetti.
So, is this a "date" date or
just a meaningless friend thing?
Jimmy!
Okay, but you have
to do your homework.
Milhouse may not
be the perfect date.
they departo de Barto.
Three days.
Look in the mirror,
unplanned miracle.
and it never gets easier,
until you can drink.
and prove they still like me.
Eat fist, jerk.
Mary Spuckler,
What you want?
She ran away after we engaged
her to Old Man Wellbottom.
I know where
my sister run off to.
Come on, Dad,
you love New York.
will do a soft show
on your solar plexus.
Homer, that sounds like
The Sweet Smell of Success.
It's all set, boy.
New York style.
Fievel was a mouse
in a movie.
Come on,
let's go find Mary.
Hey!
except briefly between a man
and a woman before marriage.
I'm sitting here waiting for a
girl that's never gonna show up.
Well, it's not very steady
and I'm kind of ashamed.
So, this is basically
what we can afford.
all the way here
just to see me?
Keep my secret!
We're safe because you have
to climb steps to get up here.
just like the menfolk do.
♪ Well I'm on the cusp
of womanhood ♪
I've come
to take you back, Mary.
the museums are over-curated,
Get your cuckold's horns,
neck ruffles, Yorik skulls!
I'm afraid that tonight's
show has been cancelled.
Well, uh, idiot, it says
Zaybar's on the package!
Faster, man!
More annoying!
a nefarious hot dog
in an ad for Taco Bueno.
Oh, for the love of God!
to a crowd
with every cell phone muted.
Psst!