Aired 12 years ago - May 20, 2012
In the Season 23 finale, Lisa tries to boost her popularity by ghost writing positive things about herself on the school blog. The effort fails miserably, until a psychic force tells Lady Gaga (who provides her own voice) that Lisa needs her help.
No way that can go wrong.
First up, Campus Clown.
What?
You said they'd
take it easy on me.
I've been on here
since Chicago!
She just found out
no one likes her.
Wha...?
Ay carumba.
You know, it seems like
more than a coincidence
and wanted me to invite you.
This notebook is full of
things Truth Teller said.
Lie Smeller! Lie Smeller!
I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry.
That'll turn your
frown upside down.
where I always have
to get to 17.
I'm sorry, I don't really
want to be here.
Tell us in song.
♪ Because... ♪
♪ Ugly, stupid, shunned
by cupid, overweight and hairy ♪
♪ Monsters only need to love
the monster that they are ♪
Lie Smeller!
Lie Smeller!
We should go to
your house and talk.
Haven't seen so much skin since
shedding season on a snake farm.
That's how it should be.
I would like to be alone.
and so sensitive and who
beautifully plays an instrument
Marge.
Hm...
This is like the night Hillary
won the New Hampshire Primary.
There is no over-the-top.
Why do you keep telling me
what I'm gonna do?
Well, I denounce thee!
Wha...?
Don't "monster" me.
I cheat on my diet,
but nobody knows
Which means, I've got
a train to catch.
Why is she doing in defeat
what I do in victory?
eight years of rage
and rejection on you.
Aired 12 years ago - May 13, 2012
When word gets out that Edna and Ned have secretly wed, Marge offers to throw them a party, but bringing folks together makes them all realize that no marriage is perfect. Meanwhile, Edna tries to help Ned's children become more socially acceptable. Watch the credits... there's a treat!
I'm so bored I'm ready
to introduce myself
And he was tragically killed
while still in his 30s...
Oh!
Very seriously. Whee!
this fearsome burden
on my shoulders?
You can probably plead this
down to crucifixion.
What shall I do then with Jesus,
Ooh!
Maybe I should've dialed down
the Doubting Thomas.
Looks like someone didn't
follow the underwear rule!
and yielded up his spirit.
You remember when you said
if Flanders got remarried
Well, it was nice having a
secret marriage while it lasted.
(chuckling)
Oh, I sure envy him.
See what happens
when Teachy met Preachy
I would like to make a toast.
(grumbling)
Boys, you will please
call your new mother
They're both bad, and
I suspect you know it!
Sorry.
Oh, yeah.
17 chairs,
your portable dance floor,
Dice are Satan's bones.
Especially when
This is my third-favorite
wedding supply store.
when they smear the wedding cake
on each other's faces.
parent-teacher
conference for me?
Look, I'm a chalk jockey, too,
You do have science
here, right?
I knew I'd find some spices
in my chili.
Wait a minute.
Comparative religious studies.
We haven't taken in
one car all day.
Helen, have a canapé.
but it's eerie
how superior they are.
Now come over here so
Mrs. Simpson can take a photo.
(phones beeping)
And that's that.
Another story in the classic,
I vowed I would never have
in my marriage: strong feeling.
Maggie knows how
to keep a secret.
I'm sure some idiot somewhere
agrees with me.
Aired 12 years ago - May 06, 2012
Homer embarrasses Marge at the movies during a film featuring superspy Stradivarius Cain, and his apologies fall on deaf ears. In an effort to become a better husband, he seeks help from someone he believes to be the real Stradivarius Cain.
Aired 12 years ago - Apr 29, 2012
When Bart gets his wish for a family vacation, he becomes determined to make it last forever.
Just try to enjoy
your dinner, sweetie.
(grunts)
I sold a couple of my
rare jazz records.
actually, my mom stole it
from a woman she cleaned for.
It's weird to hear
myself saying this, but...
"Why does every sand castle
require my participation?"
Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but
your cruise is overbooked.
Called... it.
This isn't your cabin.
(Bart groans)
Whoa.
Your enjoyment pays my salary,
All right, Fun Schedule,
you're about to get did!
(song ends)
I don't know, a lot of barefoot
kids kicking soccer balls,
Whenever we reach the halfway
point of our voyage,
♪ One week of glitz and glam
instead of pain and fear ♪
♪ Back home, well, not so much ♪
♪ Your future's up
but parabolic ♪
No matter how much fun
I cram into this cruise,
Why can't vacation last forever?
I... Oh.
(moaning)
All ships must remain at sea
until further...
Joe Morgenstern of
The Wall Street Journal.
(clamoring)
Vacation forever!
we're having a "fundemic,"
under the capable hands
and starting civilization anew.
on our pre-virus lives.
Dave the Lifeguard.
Fun!
Bart, we're too worried
to enjoy each other's mouths.
What could be sweeter than
a vacation that never ends?
Erik, we must work
with the humans.
We're all gonna watch
a movie together.
Man, I kicked butt
in the gladiator arena today.
You stand accused
of letting down your team
Speak passenger,
son of passenger.
I take back everything
I said to you
and it says,
"Judge not, lest ye..."
Aired 12 years ago - Apr 15, 2012
When Bart supervises Jimbo's girlfriend at a movie, she develops a crush on him; Homer is persuaded to buy a state-of-the-art treadmill with a television, and he becomes obsessed with watching it from the treadmill, but not actually working out.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 18, 2012
Mr. Burns replaces all of Springfield Power Plant's employees with robots (guest voice Brent Spiner) but decides to keep Homer as the sole human worker. With unemployment at an all-time high and mechanical arms operating the workplace, Springfield
becomes a dismal and humorless place. But when Homer's machine-programmed peers start to turn on the community and his former real-life employees come to the rescue, they all realize that robots can't replace human friends.
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Section 1 of Article 21
of the State Constitution
Liquor,
mustn't think of liquor...
So, a sober weekend
hasn't been that hard.
A surprisingly not-horrible
fruit drink called a mimosa.
No! Irish and
Long Island!
O, Lord, I have
once again besotted
Yes, Hulk smash.
This is the last time
I pay the price
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you permission to shake
your fists in anger twice.
I got a few things
to get off my chest.
Nicely done,
So, workin' hard
or hardly workin'?
Are you A.) Working hard
Does it look like I've got a job?
No, I didn't.
And now I got to sell it,
just to make my rent!
He stepped on the bow!
You know what I think, Moe?
I think you ain't got the guts!
Initiate conversation.
Look at what happened
to the man on my pizza box.
and all your swimming holes
Two of my shortbreads
were broken!
Someone's in a mood.
Follow the hats,
where's the wiener?
We are programmed to respond
to your verbal prompts.
Automated workers
According to the
on-line rules of baseball,
Circuit-bunching has
yielded important advances
We will notify you
lying in the street!
to mourn their deactivation,
We do vent nitrogen
once a year.
Primary directive deactivated.
which have turned
into buzz saws.
Dad, they can only go
three miles an hour!
Robots...
trying to kill me.
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 11, 2012
Karma gets the best of Homer after he gets his friends in trouble, and as a result, his bedwetting problem worsens. The family goes on a mission to infiltrate his dreams to search for clues in his subconscious to determine the source of his problem.
But just as things take a dangerous turn in the dream, a figure from Homer's past appears, and he is finally reassured that the fond memories of his mother Mona (guest voice Glenn Close) remain alive, giving him just the right amount of reassurance to cure him of his problem.
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-LESS
Aired 12 years ago - Mar 04, 2012
In order to get back at his dad, Bart goes undercover as a graffiti street artist and plasters Homer's unflattering image all over Springfield. But one night, Bart and Milhouse get caught in the act by established street artists Shepard Fairey, Ron
English, Kenny Scharf and Robbie Conal (guest voicing as themselves), and to Bart's surprise, they invite him to exhibit his satirical artwork in his very own gallery show.
Meanwhile, a hip, new health food superstore opens in Springfield that threatens to put Apu and the Kwik-E-Mart out of business.
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-LESS
Friends are the only
people you can betray!
She's a big fan and
her birthday is tomorrow.
Oh, my God, this might
be a Marge's birthday
that looked just like it.
that will make this your
most awesome birthday ever.
I repeat.
One...
Oonnneee...
Well, at least you
remembered I like her.
Uncharacteristic?!
Wait! Maybe Paula Paul
left a message.
Hi, Paula Paul, calling back
for Marge Simpson!
Don't read my books
and don't make my recipes!
No way, man.
I'm a free-range kid.
I really shouldn't have
put you in there
But it's my home now, sir.
Fine.
("The Sorcerer's Apprentice"
playing)
I'm like...
It's, it's bankrupting me.
Don't just stare back at me,
come up with a theory!
Springfield has been hit hard by
a mysterious graffiti artist
Chief, any leads on this
"Vandal Van Gogh"?
and made yourself into a
combination of Robin Hood,
Pretty dope,
don't you think?
Because I have a gun,
you must stick them up now!
No... Or were you lying when
you begged for your life?
Where's this 2006 Beaujolais
Okay, how do we
buy your silence?
♪ Tonight ♪
Thanks, Milhouse.
We make a great team.
That's it. You just got yourself
a place on the wall, kid.
I'm the guy who created
the Obama "Hope" poster,
Bart, we would love to
set up a gallery show
Theirs is that what they sell as
chicken is actually monkey.
Not so loud.
Shut up!
I'll fix you!
And a great excuse for me to
bust out my courtroom jacket.
Pay for your genius!
I like what used to make a
neighborhood look dangerous
You made me mad,
so I got back at you.
Correction, it's worth
ten times as much.
Wait, is the Hulk laughing,
or the rhinoceros?
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 19, 2012
The Simpsons are evicted from Springfield and join an off-the-grid community outside of town.
But when Homer and Marge try to sneak back into Springfield, they are welcomed with hostility from their former friends and neighbors and begin to appreciate their new and more accepting home.
I pick up books
like you pick up beers!
Is what I would say,
if this weren't a drill.
Boy, I told you
an hour ago,
without the secondhand
marijuana!
If I didn't know better,
I'd say it's a town meeting.
This isn't good.
They're here!
The monsters are here!
We're like family to you.
I am!
Why would an entire town
go to all this fuss
Homer, that is not
banishment-hearing behavior!
We're just people.
Which is why you're
the worst Simpson of all!
Good luck patching potholes
and stuffing pillows now!
♪ I have paid the cost... ♪
Mmm.
manning up.
Well, why didn't you say so?
Oh, I wouldn't be
openin' no windows.
Private plane crashes.
I'm trying to make
the best of things,
Well I've got a really big
secret for you.
And I miss the
Springfield sign
I'm sneaking you
back into Springfield.
Mr. Burns, you might catch
a cold out this late.
After all these years, you can
still shinny up the donut
Remember when we moved in
Home sweet squat.
being picked up
off the ground.
I mean, I'm not the sharpest
pencil in the... pencil thing,
And screw the boulder in tight!
Maybe he's right--
I was wrong--
there are bad ideas!
Lenny Lenford.
you get to make.
Aired 12 years ago - Feb 12, 2012
Marge and Lisa's mother-daughter Valentine's Day plans take a turn when Lisa meets Nick, an intellectual romantic who shares the same passion for culture, history and literature. Lisa and Nick fall head over heels for each other in a fairytale
romance and make a secret getaway to Mulberry Island to profess their eternal love.
Meanwhile, Bart and Milhouse are inspired by the hosts of "MythCrackers" to "crack" Springfield Elementary's own legends.
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Hey, Bart, why don't we
become MythCrackers?
(explosion)
Why does the guy have
to do everything
I have a present for you."
(yells)
(grunts)
I hope you hit one off the
handle and your hands sting!
Someone's about to put
the Thousand Island ladle
Sorry, sorry.
I didn't mean to be nosey.
Don't panic.
This can be separated out.
What dessert are
you gonna get?
No! When I first hear
your name,
Did you invent a robot hand
to touch the buttons?
Ladies and gentlemen,
that myth is cracked!
(French accordion music plays)
Ew...
would you like to borrow
one of my twins?
Well, if you'd been here
for the design phase,
Almost there, boy.
Almost there.
This house is not an
embarrassment!
Well, Lisa didn't tell me
that she had a sister.
Hmm, the French have gotten
into the wine game?
You're going with me!
Mom can't appreciate
the kind of boy Nick is,
which inspired West Side Story,
The lovers had to whisper
their sweet nothings
(grunting)
I think I'm free.
Okay, that was
the last school myth
I can't be the guy who
killed everybody's fun.
the number of boys who have
American Girl dolls.
Prepare to be disappointed!
I'm also not from Glasgow!
Everyone's speaking Spanish!
Sir, we're gonna bring you back
to your retirement home.
I don't know, this water's
a little choppy.
She wants to steal a kiss,
like Pyramus and Thisbe.
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 29, 2012
After Moe is heckled for not having any real companions, Moe's best friend and beloved bar rag narrates his incredible thousand-year journey to Springfield.
Beginning in the Middle Ages, the bar rag was loomed into a beautiful and ornate medieval
tapestry and traveled around the globe through the hands of royalty before finding himself found himself at Moe's Tavern.
Meanwhile, Bart begs Milhouse for forgiveness after the two friends get into a tiff, and when the bar rag goes missing, Moe realizes that he has more friends than he thought.
MORE
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I'm getting tired
of things like that.
Even a kid who wears a "Finding
Nemo" back brace has some pride.
(mandolin Renaissance music)
(speaking French)
All tremble before
the duc de Springfield!
You have 25 years
to complete it.
or I could
kill them all right now!
compelled Marguerite
to loom ceaselessly,
Oh, and by the way...
Perhaps to the
South of France.
(explosion)
Hey, let's show some French
courage and beat up the corpse!
(yelling)
(yells)
Nothing will ever staunch
the pain of that memory.
Okay...
(sighs)
They're a tough pair, huh?
I wound up as a barter
in Persia.
a cruel king who demanded
Good evening, Your Majesty.
Uh... There once was a boy
named Ali Baba.
for a thousand and one nights.
Guards!
How's your neck, Your Lordship?
No splinters or nuffin'?
I played a pivotal role
in creating
(pained moaning)
(contented sigh)
"Milhouse, you're the closest
thing I have to a brother.
Not bad. Did Lisa write that?
My degradation continued.
BAR RAG: Like everyone else, I
was hit hard by the depression.
Worst... climbing... Everest.
I guess I should be happy here,
with my sad, but predictable...
Can I have someone
else punch you?
From now on I'll dominate you
in ways you don't realize.
Can you throw me my house key?
Please!
I'm in hell... (grunts)
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 15, 2012
Lisa creates her own social networking service, SpringFace, and subsequently makes everyone addicted to the internet. Meanwhile, Patty and Selma challenge the Winklevoss twins at the 2012 Summer Olympics.
I make my own
turnoffs.
No, no, no, no, let's see how
long we can keep 'em waiting.
We totally
wasted his time.
You try it, Maggie.
Ever get tired
of those dancing waters?
Give me one doll
from every time period,
fix your teeth,
send you to the best schools,
CROWD:
Aw...
Whoo-hoo!
(Bart humming)
Hop on.
No. We do
all the imagining for you.
Anyway, I ran into
some schoolmates
(Lisa's brain groans)
at 20x speed to make it seem
like a normal movie.
the complete works
of Shakespeare.
Helpful hint: If
you want friends,
(both grunting)
because she had
no friends.
So, since I had no friends,
I assembled a motley crew
Here's my favorite
computer game: Angry Nerds.
Nelson, you've just given us
the template for our site.
Ooh-oo-ooh, ooh.
the disparate children
of Springfield Unified.
Now I've seen everything.
Better than wasp honey,
not as good as bee.
Well, it's not just
kids using SpringFace,
We've gotten so much more
action since we signed up
And I created
an alcoholic hippo.
And so, this so-called
"SpringFace"
HOMER: ...counting the moments
to closing time
the light of God
shining on your faces.
Hm, I guess that's fair.
and I feel more alone than ever.
(raucous laughter)
And so SpringFace became
too big to control,
(typing)
he gets a face full
of ass shrapnel.
(chuckle
Get that, Marge?
(sirens wail)
Yeah, I did;
nice grab.
I had a friend in common
with Malcolm Gladwell.
Time to get a life.
JANEY:
Lisa.
Fish out of water.
♪ You're just like an angel
Aired 12 years ago - Jan 08, 2012
Homer lands his own political talk show and becomes the spokesperson for the Gravy Movement. He then is asked to select the next Republican nominee for President and officially endorses right-wing rock star Ted Nugent.
HOMER:
Huh?
to look through the window
and see other people
Don't tread on pee!
that make crashing
look like fun!
Come on, ladies.
And don't wake me up to land.
Looks like we're back
to traveling
That's how it works. I...
You can check my carry-on,
(bell chimes)
Hey, it's the guy
from the plane.
bottled up inside is dead.
I'm Nash Castor.
Ha! But can you save America
from its last savior?
Head butt!
(groans)
Yes. Yes. Got it!
Now, I may not be some
mani-pedied TV blowhard,
Those real people out there
I'm going to say
you are my father.
We only have 11 now.
Well, what you
do is take
I'm a loudmouth who says things
you're afraid to say,
something for fat kids to play.
(sobbing):
Shoot the mailman.
Oh, why?!
I have something very, very
pro-American to share with you.
Take that, centers of
art and commerce!
When someone messes with you,
Good night and good gravy.
You know, symbols can often
rile people up.
Marge, I'm going to meet with
Homie, I love you,
And if you're Access
Hollywood, you do neither.
I don't think so.
Who's hungry for elk?
What is that, an
eight-pointer?
Oh, yeah.
No question about it.
(snoring)
Can we get some pizza
on the way?
You want I should mess them up?
"Congress shall have the power
to lay and collect taxes"?!
Oh, Marge,
Oscar Madison came to me
(muffled grunting)
Aired 13 years ago - Dec 11, 2011
In this futuristic holiday episode, Bart is a deadbeat dad living in Springfield Elementary (which is now an apartment complex instead of a school) with Principal Skinner as his landlord. Meanwhile, a pregnant Maggie goes into labor during a family dinner.
Just get me that rent
or you'll be expelled.
You know, we can
hear thoughts now.
I can't believe we put
a man on the Sun,
Don't blame me.
You could go back
to Michigan.
Everything looks great, Maggie,
but until this baby comes,
Why do you say future?
This is now.
Ho... ho... ho.
Oh, man, I can't believe
No, I just like to dress up
to eat my carrots and smoke.
Want to go
to a concert tonight?
Suicide pills?
Mohawk gel?
Marge said there was
some family tension.
Now, where did I put it?
Oh, we're almost at
Evergreen Terrace, miss.
I'm gonna have to do this
the old-fashioned way.
The boys think
I'm a lousy father.
- Did you bake any?
- Yes, I did.
you're the person
I always wanted to be.
I gotta reconnect
with those boys.
Back in position!
Hey, guys.
Want to watch Krusty?
And your father made
so many mistakes.
I just got a B-mail
from Maggie!
Oh, Sanjay, how I wish
that runaway jerky wagon
No, I've got to find Zia.
Google, even though you've
enslaved half the world,
Hmm...
- I heard you died.
- I got cloneded.
Wow, this place
hasn't changed a bit.
Right. What was the point again?
Quit making
me fat!
I'm sorry I spied on you.
Aired 13 years ago - Dec 04, 2011
Krusty the Clown is fired from his show and gets a new agent named Annie to help him stage a comeback.
And people will see my tattoo
of Donald Duck smoking a doob!
Margie, you're the greatest.
No.
They were so childless
and miserable.
an old-fashioned lard-ass
like me on today's television?
I'm barely on my own show.
But at least I got you,
my agent and best friend.
Krusty, I'm gonna prove
that it's over.
Now I'm strung out
in a ball pit!
We met a ten percenter today.
Also better get back on
those anti-psychotic meds.
other-people's-room-service-
eating man that I ever met.
It's a long story.
These geniuses can
blow up the planet,
There wasn't a
dry turtleneck in the house.
stick this on...
This is the best kind of
comedy of all: cheap!
I got big plans
for us, Krusty.
Come on.
I'm not made of stone.
I don't find those funny,
just frustrating.
Yeah, that's right, I said "or."
It worked like magic
for Pee-Wee Herman
about doing
live theater again.
And now, let's welcome a man
Then welcome back the original
Tick-Tock the Clock!
Thanks to you, honey!
Which ones? Telebozo?
And here you don't have
to worry about budgets,
Really?
Yep.
You can't put
a green wall behind
Krusty, I am here to serve
you and no one else.
Your going rate is 100
barrels of oil.
Wha...?
What'd I do?
Notorious T-U-T.
It writes itself.
She claimed this intern
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 27, 2011
The Simpsons host a tastemaker party at their home to promote Absolut Krusty, Krusty the Clown's own brand of liquor. Mr. Burns takes notice of the party's success and decides to promote Homer to "Account Man" for the Springfield Nuclear Plant.
(crowd chatter)
Why can't I go to
the grown-up room?
Guh.
(laughing):
I was in an anecdote once.
Your cotillion seems
to be in full promenade.
Just play the oldest,
stupidest thing in your catalog.
ALL: ♪ In the air she goes,
there she goes. ♪
To which I replied,
"So's monogamy."
It's never good.
I'd like you to take
over that position.
It means a hefty expense account
and a corner office.
So long, Sector 7-G.
So, for my last good
deed before I retire,
I am really enjoying this,
but, um...
I'm eating steak
with the mayor.
Oh, Mr. Mayor,
more peanut nore?
These seats are amazing.
I love it!
Welcome home, handsome!
Read to Lisa? Why don't you
just ask me to kiss her?
Proceed to the page with
the butterfly bookmark
Shut up! Shut up!
♪ ♪
No, Bart, you can read
other books, too.
you can't feel it.
but then it turned out
it was really a guy.
(squeaks)
coming home late,
drinking in the morning.
and I can't stop bending women
to my sexual will.
There's room in here for two.
Then I gave up on my
secret other family.
You're reading
a chapter book.
And then maybe you'll be
hearing from my sisters.
(laughter)
(whispering loudly): Tell her
I'm at a meeting, not drinking.
The farthest thing from
this office I know:
(groans)
Finally, humanity has found
a use for water.
But Mr. S.,
And maybe
when we get home,
It's about time.
Why did you get us...
(grunting)
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 20, 2011
Lisa becomes disheartened when she learns the shocking truth behind the “tween lit” industry and her beloved fantasy novel characters, but Homer decides to cash in on the craze and forms a team to group-write the next “tween lit” hit, with the king of fantasy, Neil Gaiman, lending his expertise to the effort.
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 13, 2011
Marge takes Bart and Lisa on a weekend excursion, and when an unexpected restaurant detour awakens their taste buds, fellow foodies Amuse Bruce and Fois Garth (guest voices Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim) inspire them to start their own food blog, “The Three Mouthketeers.”
and the referee.
we roll pennies
and go to the dollar store?
That isn't an "X," Mom.
Come on, kids,
fun comes from inside.
All the other kids are at
something called the X-Games.
Why do old squirrels always
crawl into my engine to die?
I guess we could
make a sprint
Yeah, just have fun.
Holy casserole-y!
They've never
served me that dish,
Foodies,
heed my call!
Yes.
Goorsha! Goorsha!
Goorsha! Goorsha!
You're already
a fatty and a drunkie.
It's open 24 hours a day
and there's no dress code.
You mean, one, two... me?
♪ We're having fun now ♪
♪ Cook Thanksgiving turkey
in a trash bag, sous-vide ♪
♪ Throw it in the pho, yo ♪
I'll remind you kids
what real fun is.
Whoa!
Cool.
It's called
El Chemistri,
My kids do not eat sorbet;
they eat sherbet.
are finally having fun
doing something with me.
You'd let me in
on your thing?
Food Dad! Food Dad! Food Dad!
with famous blogging family,
the Three Mouthketeers.
Kids, I was thinking, was
it really such a great idea
He only had a letter
of introduction
cooked with chemicals
or served in a test tube.
Uh... yes.
and when your table is ready,
they will vibrate.
where you do the
crazy cooking?
romaine lettuce gel,
egg yolk ice,
I guess I'll get started
before my family gets here.
cooked in the perfect vacuum
of outer space.
Aired 13 years ago - Nov 06, 2011
Bart’s science fair project, a mechanical baby seal, outshines Lisa’s brainy asteroid model and quickly becomes a popular pet among the retirement home patrons. Meanwhile, Homer’s new and eager assistant Roz, steals Homer’s job, forcing him to team up with Flanders to reveal her true colors and evil past.
Oh, what am I going to do?
Well, I have been pretty
overworked lately.
so someone else has to
make the next pot.
like a Twinkie soaks up gravy.
Well, we gotta
come up with something.
Not a bad idea.
Baby seal, huh?
Research shows
It's about an asteroid.
When you fell out on the bus,
and I didn't have
help from a nerd!
Soon he'll just be
bones and beard.
And best of all, I got funding
for my Homer Humiliator.
I have to step out for
one hour and 43 minutes.
Guess what happens when a mop
is replaced with an octopus.
W-W-What are you
going to do to me?
Can't you see
you're embarrassing Bart?
You got any heroin?
Be my guest.
My job is the reason
I get the checks every week.
and I'm here to talk about
an extremely unpleasant subject:
Wow.
It's true.
"I used to look like this."
is about a nursing home death.
Hi. We need someone
The breast joke!
Well, looks like
it's time for another
before screwing everybody over,
in public, for no reason.
Are you aware that "stones"
means man junk?
and in the heat of the moment,
I wanted to offer
My nightmare is over!
of the North American
Man-Bot Love Association.
Uh, first,
we remotely adjust them
Oh, it's always busy
when I call.
Yeah, you, too.
Congratulations, Roz.
Aired 13 years ago - Oct 30, 2011
Simpsons' twentysecond Halloween show.
The Diving Bell and the Butterball:
Homer is bitten by a radioactive spider.
Dial "D" for Diddly:
Ned becomes a serial killer.
In the Na'Vi:
Bart and Milhouse in an Avatar spoof.
I can't speak!
(chuckles)
Just because you've
had a little setback
"Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov
was the third son
Dad! Ew.
Oh, my God!
Okay, first letter: D.
"cannot move,
my heart still beats
"For further communication,
I will require more beans.
I wish I could
move like him.
My money's on the kid.
(truck beeping)
in his favorite language--
English.
(gasps)
I command you to kill
Patty and Selma Bouvier.
It's, uh, it's, you know,
You forgot Patty and Selma.
Hey Bart...
Uh, I mean, Jesus.
Yeah, and what are you gonna do
about it?
There is no Hell,
and there is no God.
But, but...
(indistinct voices)
Oh, oh, is it Michigan?
Oh, yeah, they're back.
Yo.
Naw, we can't.
(moaning)
Suit yourself, you
one-eyed bastard.
Oh! Even when we're monsters,
he gets the girl. (grunts)
Thank the Almighty
Fungus you are wiser
Today you are a man.
Mazel Tov!
Uh... it's a place on the other
side of this planet that's...
I love you, sugar-slime.
(grunts) You said you
were using birth control!
Without it, her crankiness will
become unbearable.
Listen closely.
Traitor! How dare you betray
the planet I got laid on?!
(bellowing)
Aired 13 years ago - Oct 02, 2011
Superintendent Chalmers reveals his hero as former President Theodore Roosevelt, who makes an appearance in the episode with the use of archival recordings.
For this masterpiece, I bid
will finally get an Earth.
to our dear new friend
on the phone.
He has thrust upon us
the motley of the tomfool.
Even if I don't have a
legal obligation to pay,
What? Two dollar charge
for non-network bank?
You are a nitwit
in an ill-fitting suit.
with enough left over
for a send-home flyer.
I'm not the history teacher.
Oh, nicely done, Seymour.
♪ Don't you ♪
Same garbage,
different Dumpster.
Bart, what if I told you
there was a president
It is, are the American people
fit to govern themselves,
And one time, during a speech,
he was shot by a saloon-keeper,
Teddy, Teddy, Teddy...
than most people do
in their whole lives.
Eh-eh-eh.
Not so fast.
Mm!
"A man who is good enough to
shed his blood for the country
Teddy Roosevelt protected
America's wildlife.
Cuba si!
Castro no!
Look at him, boys.
It's all about feelings,
and celebrating differences.
with an overnight trip
to Springfield Forest.
One time, I found
She sure looked good
in a pair of jammies.
Could this be the moment my life
starts to turn around?
He got some bumps
and bruises
And I am not smiling
because I lost the case.
My desktop is sticky with soda
I'm not even
Kermit Roosevelt.
Are you boys cyberbullying
each other?
So big it involves taking over
the entire school...
and I haven't finished
my brownie!
Uh, well, would you
read it with me?
Our paychecks are
in there.
Aired 13 years ago - Sep 25, 2011
Homer befriends Wayne, a reserved security guard recently hired by the nuclear power plant. Plagued by violent flashbacks from his past as a CIA agent, he must overcome his tortured nightmares to save Homer from a Ukranian terrorist. Meanwhile,
Marge fantasizes about being a contestant on "Top Chef" hosted by Tom Colicchio, and the future of Springfield's hottest "it" couple Nedna, Edna Krabappel and Ned Flanders, will be revealed after months of online fan voting and speculation.
MORE
-LESS
Ow! Ow! Ow!
You tricked us.
Would you like
a get well pork chop?
You know, I just got a little
chill when you said my name.
No secret Santa,
we're not trading lunches,
We're completing
each other's...
Hand over your
cash and jewelry.
Ain't trying to be no hero.
is it an appropriate
reaction to the situation?
Wayne, maybe it's the me
being still alive talking,
they get a free meal.
Sure, why not.
A quiet, unassuming
security guard
Wayne, as a reward for
your valiant fisticuffery,
we did not lose the
visible half of the moon.
Die, you fascist bastard!
Why don't you
come stay with us
reoccurring flash-forwards
to a nightmarish future.
My nightmares are real.
- Don't you get it?
- He used the governor's eyeball
we'll all be blown
to kingdom come!
Your town appears
on no maps or charts.
I admit it!
I let Milhouse
Mildly funny, at best.
It's him.
♪ Oh, you're an angel now. ♪
Are you friend of his?
would he attempt
to rescue that friend?
We've received
the following video.
Oh, well, way
to make me feel obsolete.
I know that voice.
Darling, I told you
to stay in your room.
So cold!
Warm me up!