Aired 14 years ago - May 23, 2010
When Moe discovers a hidden talent for judging contests, he is approached by a television agent to join the AMERICAN IDOL judges' panel. Moe flies to Los Angeles where he tours the Fox lot and receives some sage career advice. Meanwhile, Homer drives Marge crazy when he begins hanging around the house.
Thanks a lot, everyone.
it reminds me
of my ex-wife! Hah!
Now how about
some shut-up!
in Springfield...
Say something cruel
about me!
...is what I'll say
tomorrow morning!
an outrageous beard contest
I'm in tonight.
Which means this joint is closed
for the night.
Yeah, that's right!
Scatter, ya cockroaches!
Still wanna be
at Moe's?
I'm no judge of talent,
Can I have another corpse?
Listen, Moe, reality
shows are looking for judges,
Who Wants to be a Welder?
Poodle Versus Elephant...
and Grave Robbers
of Orange County.
♪ Where the skies are so blue ♪
Now that I have
all this free time,
Well, it's been such a blessing
having you around the house.
Watching them
pass that puck.
And when you wag your tail,
it really lights up a room.
I really appreciate you
showing me around, Simon.
Oh, well... Oh, nuts.
Well, that place was for
die-hard sports fans.
They charge you for
parts and labor?
Only thing is,
you may not get him back.
don't do what I did.
People know that.
He's a...
I'm here, I'm gone.
I'm here, I'm gone.
This is it, Moe--
And then when you hit that "to
you", dude, that was the bomb.
Ellen, what's your
"ramble" on this?
♪
Don't become the mean judge.
chargin' a hundred
bucks a ticket.
But even more objectionable
were Moe's insipid comments,
Why would I try to
sabotage a new judge
Aired 14 years ago - May 16, 2010
Bart becomes convinced that his new neighbor, Walt, is his archenemy, Sideshow Bob, disguised and back for revenge. But when Marge tries to convince Bart otherwise by taking him to visit the state penitentiary, a disturbing truth is revealed.
getting to be a pretty fine artist.
Another Springfield family
so people will subconsciously
want to buy it.
And done.
That's not us.
He drives a hybrid!
No doubt you read about me
Side what whom?
but I'll never forget that voice.
and he's a very nice man.
♪ Pert as a schoolgirl,
well can be ♪
♪ Three little maids ♪
And nothing keeps me informed
Calm, Comfortable,
Look. Who needs a knife this big?
Walk fast and don't call
attention to yourself.
Sideshow Bob.
Pretty lady coming back!
Bart, care to come?
Marge, the bathroom
scale is lying again.
But that's impossible.
I am... Sideshow Bob.
You see?
As a minor offender,
he was scheduled for early release.
Well, I guess it beats
what the last guy did.
Five-second rule.
$143,000.
I bought the house next to you,
and here we are.
Well, I tried to, but I had
trouble moving my new lips.
was kind of open to interpretation.
and I have a task ahead of me
which requires a firm hand.
Come back!
I think she fell in
love with my face,
Is that a loose
thread on your collar?
and where you will meet your doom.
where your murder will
be unprosecutable.
since Snape killed Dumbledore.
What in the name of Malcolm
Muggeridge are you doing?
Not today, Bob.
Help us! Help us!
For the love of God,
Aired 14 years ago - May 09, 2010
As Mother's Day approaches, Moe narrates an episode in which he writes a letter to Homer, Apu and Reverend Lovejoy, who are vacationing with their children, and threatens to run away with one of their wives. While the trio tries to determine whose
wife Moe is referring to, Homer, Lovejoy and Apu flashback to the intimate moments they initially ignored between Moe and Marge, Manjula and Helen Lovejoy. But when the boys return from their trip, they're in for the surprise of their lives.
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Nonstop chatter
during drive time!
Aw. No! No! No! Oh!
A break from you?
And I can spend my mother's day
taking care of something
Remember when your new episodes are out
with TVShow Time for iPhone and Android
Sorry, honey.
I wasn't listening,
For you to take
towards your wife.
(bicycle bell dings)
Moe: "perhaps I should've
told you in person,
Whatever that don Pardo
gets paid, it ain't enough.
Which one of our wives
got Moe-jacked?
We're breaking up!
(explosion)
For how you greybacks treated
our boys at Andersonville!
We never even fight anymore.
(rattling)
But not so strong
that I tell them I love them.
Neighbor Marge invited me over
All right.
(snapping)
Now, we don't know
for sure it's your wife.
Think back, apu.
All right, calm down there,
'Pu and she-Pu.
We are missing a tuplet!
This ain't a kidnapping thing,
And if I win,
I have to play the challenger,
You do?! Tell me!
Sounds like you had a rough day.
So, uh, would you
like to cut one?
(children moaning)
(ferry horn honking)
Today's the first,
which means it was last month,
I'm afraid you two have
a b-b-b-big problem.
Where a clam has only one
pearl, she has many.
* Krakatoa, East of Java *
'cause there's somethin'
I gotta get off of my chest.
I'm, uh...
I'm sure you do.
I'm gonna need some help
getting this off.
How old are you, 65?
My mother explained
Your place is next.
On the world's most
romantic train?
Aired 14 years ago - May 02, 2010
A bomb squad mistakenly blows up Homer's unattended gym bag, releasing radiation into the city and authorities react by suspending civil liberties. Wiggum and his men install surveillance cameras around Springfield and round up suspected terrorists,
including groundskeeper Willie, but when monitoring the nonstop flow of video imagery proves to be too much, Wiggum enlists concerned citizens to help keep the city safe. Meanwhile, Lisa becomes fed up with being blonde, so she dyes her hair a dark color.
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Well, I am one: flattered,
and two: intrigued.
so Ralph Wiggum will be
standing in as your lectern.
Yay!
Currently. However,
solar and wind are...
Ooh, you can count to two. Aah.
of nuclear waste is full.
That's a bingo.
Breadcrumbs on the top.
to create 17 Hulks
and a Spider-Man.
To protect our city from
all future bombings,
London is now ringed by the most
comprehensive array
Excuse me.
Again with the blonde!
Now, all in favor of
these cameras say cheese.
All in favor say,
"I have sex with animals."
Hmm?
"or invite her to the box social.
Um, you ain't gonna
like what you see.
He sure nailed you, Lis.
Gas station customer
washing windshield
But it was... Leaking.
Yeah. Oh, uh...
Peer at the monitor,
Be judgmental, and Jot it down.
What is it, Ned?
Oi! Snogging people!
Don't be ashamed of what you are!
We're like Jiminy Cricket for
the whole ding-dang town.
Golf ball-sized hail!
since the cameras went in?
Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm!
Stop gleaming that cube!
Ugh!
Backside!
Welcome to Chaos Corners,
the Pleasure Patch,
Inspiration Point looks
pretty uninspired.
the one place the cameras can't
see is right here in our backyard,
Rod, hold up Daddy's shaving
mirror out the window, would ya?
Hmm, very smart.
Well, that--
that's absurd! Ridiculous!
Would you be jolly
Aired 14 years ago - Apr 25, 2010
The Simpsons decide to embrace a cheaper, alternate source of energy by erecting a wind turbine in their backyard. But when Homer realizes some of the power is being directed to the local electric company, he decides to remove his home from the grid
and becomes completely dependent upon an unreliable source of power. Meanwhile, a storm erupts, trapping a magnificent 150-foot-long blue whale ashore, and Lisa and Homer attempt to help the poor creature.
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I am suggesting you
consider cheaper,
Come on.
Why, you...
I found what you're looking for!
Well, there are tax credits,
government rebates.
It means we're
traveling back in time!
You greedy bastards have gouged
Homer Simpson for the last time.
The kite's best friend,
the flag's partner in patriotism,
What the...?
Who turned off the wind?
♪ Danger, danger ♪
Dear Lord, you've
got the wind I need,
Homie, maybe this is
too much electricity.
A beached whale!
Whoa!
Nerd!
Want me to "knock it off?"
there's a whale on the beach.
Hurry, Dad, hurry!
It usually does not end well.
I read something beautiful
and true-- poetry.
Wake up, Lis!
It was my idea to put the
whale in the water.
Good-bye! Good-bye!
Oh, Lisa, I'm sorry.
Of course.
If that flattened squirrel
Citizens, today we honor
Bluella the whale,
♪ And we did not catch the whale,
brave boys... ♪
Now, Lisa,
Hello, whale calves!
Those baby whales are doomed,
just like their mom.
are slaughtered every year
to make shark-fin soup?
Aired 14 years ago - Apr 18, 2010
Homer is completing his court-ordered community service when he befriends his supervisor, Chief Wiggum, by offering him one of his sandwiches. Touched by the act of kindness, Wiggum assigns the other convicts unpleasant tasks, but allows Homer to
join him at the picnic table. They continue to grow close, but when the Chief gets injured during a botched bank robbery, Homer doesn't come through when Wiggum needs him the most. Meanwhile, Bart becomes addicted to Battle Ball, a Japanese game made up of plastic balls and magnetic cards, and his family and teachers try to help him kick the habit.
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It's a Japanese card
game based on a cartoon
Whoa.
I think he's saying he'll
kill one hostage an hour
It's just a candy apple.
But... that's work.
You want to go to
that seafood place?
Well, well, well,
Huh. My wife only
parms on my birthday.
Brockman, you get the used
condoms out of that thorn bush.
- when you're asleep?
- Oh, yeah, all the time.
My underpants paid for their
water filtration system.
Ah, nah, who could blame you?
I'm gonna pound a few beers with.
Ralph, I will play
you for that card?
Ooh.
Hey, uh, mind if I do a
little spring cleaning?
Not a good time to be
carrying this cake.
just remind us of things
we want to forget.
He... he doesn't
have the math skills.
You need backup,
or you want backup?
Ooh, ooh. Can I cuff him?!
Not to worry, Homer.
♪ ♪
Huh?
wake up, you fat sack of...
You're too late.
No, no. You do what you have to do.
Bart Simpson, are you a drug-o?
If you can handle Dad,
you can handle this.
Well, well, well.
"World's worst friend."
Homer, you have visitors.
I, uh, brought a
32-piece chicken bucket.
Whoa. Careful, boys.
I'm sorry, Homer.
Aired 14 years ago - Apr 11, 2010
When the police are called to diffuse a rowdy crowd at Mr. Burns' estate, one of the officers recognizes priceless stolen paintings on the walls, and the maniacal billionaire is taken downtown for questioning. With Mr. Burns gone, Smithers takes
charge of the power plant. But when employees take advantage of his good nature, he exacts revenge by forcing the employees to work night and day. These unfair working conditions prompt Homer and his crew to devise a plan to bust out Mr. Burns.
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You're fired.
Burns-- what
an ungrateful jerk.
(scoffs): What's the worst
thing he could do?
Whoo-hoo.
Okay, left hand:
Rembrandt.
So, Burns,
in a Tufts University jacket
can gawk at them?
Oh... since it's your birthday.
Eat it.
Eat my lunch?
After all my years
of stock jobbing,
information that can be highly
damaging to a certain warden.
Ham?
white collar criminals
in the same cell.
(scoffs):
I am so glad
I am not your kid.
Well, I will never
forgive you, Bart.
♪The blues came fallin' down ♪
happy workers
are productive workers.
Whoo-hoo
Which jailhouse fraternity
shall I join?
Ye the service on my car
was excellent.
I do, but I'm not
going to it.
You open your heart
and they mock your very decency.
Why can't you
reject your guy?
I'd put that 50 years to use
and found a peace and serenity
I'd never known.
She's only carrying
30 times her weight.
No you're not, ya idjit!
I never thought
I'd say this,
It's too late
to turn back, Moe.
Burns, you're
coming with us.
No.
a crispy chicken sandwich
and a wonderful blue pill.
Aired 14 years ago - Mar 28, 2010
When Homer is playing noisily in the yard, it disrupts Flanders' bible-study group. Coaxed by the reverend, a frustrated Flanders takes it upon himself to redeem Homer by inviting the Simpson family on his church retreat to Jerusalem. Unappreciative
of the history and culture, Homer would rather hang out at the hotel's breakfast buffet rather than tour the city. But when an eccentric tour guide takes the group to famous monuments, including the Dome of the Rock and the Wailing Wall, Homer finally proves he is not beyond salvation.
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Great. More hell for me.
(bart and homer laugh)
And homer, put on some pants.
Thank you, kid. You made my day.
I used to live in london,
I can't talk to you.
Okay, first stop: Old city.
We can see the
stations of the cross.
Finally, something you
like better than pechanga.
This is where he
had his last supper
Experience the redemptive
power of this sacred land.
Just the slightest
bit of reverence?
Homer... Please, please, please...
Boy, are you lousy
at reading minds.
Yeah, I wanted to know:
This is the western,
or as you say, wailing wall.
Shelbyville 932871..."
Hey, this one's from you.
I'll bring you an
envelope full of nothin'.
I don't know what is "milhouse."
Once again, krav maga!
Before us stands the church
of the holy sepulchre,
Will soon begin.
In christendom,
not your backyard hammock!
This is the tomb of the most
famous man who ever lived!
And all the photos in your
camera are of funny soda pops?!
Has the possibility of salvation.
(relieved sighs): Oh! Oh...!
¶ but mostly just thirsty ¶
(sobbing loudly)
Pickle, carrot, tomato, pickle,
I am... The messiah!
I am the messiah,
come to save the world!
Homer is suffering
from what's called
What's he gonna do now?
Messiah says "rowrr!"
You can stop giving the tour now.
What, israeli people are pushy?
Aired 14 years ago - Mar 21, 2010
Principal Skinner announces that Mrs. Krabappel was called out of town and budget cuts dictate that, until she returns, the school's two fourth grade classes will merge. Bart reluctantly shares a desk with Nikki and develops a flirtatious rapport.
Bart talks to Grampa about his new crush, and at Grampa's suggestion, gives Nikki a kiss. But when Nikki starts sending Bart mixed signals, he swears off women forever. Meanwhile, Lisa's classmates ostracize her for being an overachiever, and First Lady Michelle Obama, a self-professed nerd, comes to Lisa's defence.
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I have no choice but to merge
all right, new kids,
By the physiques of the local kids,
If anyone messes with this kid,
I will destroy them.
My side, your side.
Everyone did well on this test, except...
And as long as I'm asleep,
I'm going to have some fun.
Damn!
They look like this.
Lisa, you want to come skip rope?
I'm just advanced.
Dad, that is genius, but I need some advice.
So, I kind of like this girl at school,
Bart simpson kissed me.
Really great!
You mean, he kissed her?
Unless you make this
Grampa told me to kiss her.
Thank you.
Like the last guy who wore them had pizza.
"of how difficult it is
to be smart and accepted.
Who could that be?
That one of our fourth graders did something
Demonstrates the behavior
Oh! I finally caught one
of bart's school plays.
Now, players, recreate
the incident in question.
Hmm?
What the hell are you doing?
No one will ever like her.
Flotus1 is first lady of
the United States one!
Then princeton, then harvard law.
But before I was who I am today,
I was a nerd.
well, yeah, till they find out about us.
I'm not gonna let you hurt me anymore.
He's stopped breathin'!
Move!
Aired 14 years ago - Mar 14, 2010
When Bart fails to turn in his homework, Mrs. Krabappel sends a letter home about Bart's behaviour. Despite Bart's best efforts to intercept it, Homer reads the letter, and he and Marge visit Principal Skinner for a parent-teacher conference.
Furious, Homer punishes him, but Marge takes a more sympathetic approach. When Bart realizes he can pit Homer and Marge against each other to his benefit, his scheming reaches new heights.
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Ugh.
You're staying home.
Does that help?
That's a heavy workload
for a fourth grader.
I either have to unload them,
or, uh...
You know, I think Bart might
have too much homework.
Oh, now I have to write it.
But Dad said I had to finish my...
like illegal immigration
or gay marriage.
You just have to find
a common denominator.
Right on time.
I already used a prayer
block on your prayer.
till you get to the bottom
of this homework stack.
The last time you ate there,
I was, too. The words
were in my brain.
No freedom.
Got to stay mad.
Neddy, when you're
drying your hands
Must win fight. Must win fight.
Once again, sleeping at
work has saved my marriage.
I'm going to find my husband.
I'm being cute.
Awesome breakfast, Marge.
You may not realize this, Bart,
but you got something
stuck between your...
Sugar water?
Behold, an ancient subway station.
the Radical Red or
the Blueberry Blast?
on our old dial-up modem.
Eeee.... ooo.
Keep up the good work!
Something's missing. Am I broken?
Wow.
Destroy the school, eh?
And there's a map of the
subway system attached.
Aired 14 years ago - Feb 21, 2010
When Miss Hoover asks her students to research their family history, Lisa is horrified to discover that most of her ancestors were bad people – a motley crew of horse thieves and deadbeats. But while rummaging through the attic, Lisa happens upon a
diary kept by her ancestor, Eliza Simpson. As Eliza’s story unfolds, Lisa learns that her family was part of the Underground Railroad, a group that helped slaves escape to freedom. Eliza recounts liberating a slave named Virgil, but when Lisa presents her findings at school, some of her classmates refute it, leaving Lisa determined to exonerate her family’s name.
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So dusty.
Our ancestors were
kicked out of Australia.
I can't believe we're
descended from slave owners.
I shall dress myself in finery,
my very first slave
escape to freedom.
Good point, Bart. Absolutely.
Eliza, the one good Simpson.
Ooh, good idea.
"which, I guess, is always
true of everyone all the time.
One, two, three, one, two, three...
It's my first time.
Hearts pounding,
we fled into the woods,
Escape seemed impossible.
Cheer up, sweetie.
And it comes with a story.
So, you got any talent?
after you try some
of my wheel cakes.
I give you my word as
a Southern gentleman.
"The Simpsons:
The First Family of Freedom."
The year was 1860,
and the Underground Railroad was...
Very entertaining, but then again,
fairy tales always are.
Leave me alone!
I have sells to crop.
I can't tell you where he is-
I swore an oath.
women only express their
opinions in diaries
Yes, sir.
MILFORD After that fateful day,
We've still got three
"Jackie Robinsons"
couldn't have backed
down to Colonel Burns.
has haunted me to this day.
if you know something that'll
cheer up my little girl,
in the following order-- Utah,
Omaha, Gold, Juno.
You defied your husband for me?
Aired 14 years ago - Feb 14, 2010
Homer takes Marge out for a romantic evening of ice skating and hand-holding, but upon entering the rink, they encounter a curling team practising. Marge and Homer take to the ice and discover their love for the sport, and soon after, join the
curling team and compete with them in the Olympic trials. Team Springfield claims the win and moves on to the 2010 Vancouver Games where Bob Costas covers the action. Meanwhile, sleazy vendors introduce Lisa to the world of collecting Olympic pins, and before long, Lisa is hopelessly addicted.
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It's got bowling for me
and sweeping for you.
And if, from now till the end of time,
I see.
I just have one question:
Is curling a real thing?
What's up, seymour?
Terrible, seymour!
It was a 50's style romance--
The whole nine months,
I made in utero was unforgivable.
Excuse me?
looks like we hooked another one.
That stone is coming in like a rocket.
Tonight, canada turns to its
most famous director:
: Who you gonna call?
The beaver!
Hey, bort, your sister's hotter
than a calgary brushfire.
Oh! Hoo-hoo!
But as an olympic curler,
he's dragging us down
Whatever.
You've heard that one, huh?
You're not normally this interesting.
Your dress is covered with pins.
By sweeping behind the snack bar.
No use for anything.
I love to learn about lisa.
Marge simpson is trying to restart a stone.
Team u.S.A. Heads to the gold medal match.
I'm afraid she'll never curl again.
Marge, you're really
good with your left hand.
That you can learn from watching dad.
Ah. Fatov.
We'll return to sudden-death overtime
I guess we're about to find out.
Aired 14 years ago - Jan 31, 2010
Homer blows off Marge to buy a lottery ticket and winds up winning the million-dollar jackpot. Fearing how Marge will react if she finds out the reason Homer missed their date, Homer keeps his newly inherited fortune a secret and spoils his family
with “anonymous” gifts. When Bart finds out, he and Homer spend the money like it’s going out of style, including buying front-row to tickets to see Coldplay in concert.
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Â♪ he was Â♪ homer: Â♪ I is! Â♪
Holy moly!
Come on, line, move!
Oh. Hello.
Valerie and dave will
deliver their own vows,
"1-6-17-22-24-35."
Â♪ you like tomato... Â♪
Someone going that fast
has no time for a ticket.
Lettuce who?
I'm gonna make it!
"soon you will be mi..."
I'm alive!
Now I'm really glad I didn't die!
If I tell marge I won,
Is proud to announce its
latest lotto victor.
This money will go to partially
cover the cost of a study
Now, what should I buy first?
The laundry.
Oh, barney, that's brilliant!
Hmm...
A box? No way!
I'll just take out a little
money from my "local branch."
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Â♪ ooh-wee, bah-doo, bah-doo,
bah-doo, bah-doo, bah-doo... Â♪
You work hard, or at least
you're out of the house a lot.
Uh... Your cut of what?
Â♪ oh, o-oh... Â♪
Another round of waters
in your finest paper cups!
He's dead!
Boy, I am through spoiling you.
What happened to the video game?
We tried to make the worst
job in the world easier.
Who's ready for panini?
Well, actually, mom...
what do I wear?
Get religious about a bird you see!
Aired 14 years ago - Jan 10, 2010
Krusty is approached by two network executives who want to bring on female co-star Princess Penelope to increase the show's female demographic. The onstage and behind-the-scenes rapport between Krusty and Princess Penelope grows, and before long,
Krusty asks for his co-star's hand in marriage. Meanwhile, when Mr. Burns puts a stop to the free doughnuts at the plant to cut costs, Homer, Lenny and Carl decide to meet with a headhunter who specializes in nuclear workers and opens their eyes to opportunities free of draconian doughnut-cutting measures.
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the pink cardboard box awaits.
unnecessaries than doughnuts.
The network "geniuses"
Just give me this!
You want to "buy a round?"
I guess these days,
headhunters can be anything.
I see we reached a soft
timber agreement with Canada.
♪ You're all princesses just like me. ♪
That's exactly how I'll take it.
The Army, the Fantastic Four.
Funny suicides, but still.
That's it. I've hit rock-bottom.
offering me the chance to be
Where are you? Where?
Krusty, there's something
I have to tell you.
in Mineola, Long Island, watching your show.
I knew I had one friend.
♪ 'Cause I got a girlfriend under 33... ♪
♪ It's still on in my head ♪
Sir, I have some unsettling news:
I'll have to do something about this.
♪ Until you were watered with love ♪
Penelope, will you be my princess bride?
It's so easy for something to go wrong.
But please, accept this
little going-away present.
from pre-Batista plantations,
then it's deep-fried
Well, if you stay on at the
Springfield Nuclear Plant,
Move over, Brangelina.
What happened to the monkey?
Krusty's sidekick in
1969 and his first wife.
And the one he was awake,
was a cat-tastrophe.
And that's why I can't marry you.
Don't you love me?
Aired 14 years ago - Jan 03, 2010
Grampa is sitting on a bench waiting for his family when a thoughtful-looking man named Marshall Goldman approaches him and asks to hear about his life. Grampa tells Goldman about the time he was on a World War II battleship, which was hit by an
enemy torpedo, and Goldman, a human-interest columnist, publishes it in The Springfield Shopper. Later, Grampa meets Mitch Albom and shares another story with Goldman for a follow-up article. Homer becomes jealous of Grampa's newfound fame and seeks a surrogate father. But when Homer discovers a draft of Goldman's third story, he must race to find Grampa before it is published and his life is changed forever.
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Excuse me, sir. Is this seat taken?
It was back in World War II.
It's like riding the Cyclone
back at Coney Island!
to take Larry the Lamb home for the weekend.
No, no, no. I'm just saying...
Hmm.
More adjectives!
Nope.
Ooh, I was working as a shoeshine boy
I never rode that train,
Maybe my ears are too big.
I don't know.
Don't tell this story
to anyone for 60 years.
You just never listen.
I do! It enrages me!
only by how itchy it is.
Larry? Oh, Larry?
I'm Mitch Albom, author of
"Tuesdays with Morrie".
Oh, Dad, I got you some Scotch.
Well, he's more of a father
to me than you've ever been!
Hmm.
They'd see a dark side
of me no one knows about.
You've reached Abe.
for taking him for granted all these years.
Okay. It's okay.
Hmm.
Put the rope in your teeth.
Chief, my brother fell in the storm drain!
At 3:00 on Monday,
Live each moment as if
someone's about to kill you.
They've recreated the '30s.
Oh, I remember the first time
Yeah, you'd better run!
and we'll have the rest of the weekend to...
The older I get,
Drop that pillow!
Aired 14 years ago - Dec 13, 2009
One snowy day in Springfield, Lisa informs Bart that she and Maggie share a bond that Bart will never understand because he doesn't have a brother, so Bart asks Homer for a baby brother. When Homer denies Bart's request, Bart makes his way to the Springfield Orphanage to find what he thinks he's missing.
Uh, well, I just thought, uh,
When Maggie's nightlight goes out,
And now,
making his debut on the catwalk,
Why did I want to play
with a couple of lame-o girls?
who leaves whenever people
beg him not to leave.
Why'd you stop?
- You... You were fired.
- They fired us from the show.
Bart was having a
perfectly nice dream
Oh, my God, I want a brother!
Girls are easy.
That's a great idea!
You had me at "five-course,"
Hope you saved room for passion fruit
soufflé with crème anglaise for two.
No... we could not.
Homer Simpson,
All right, all right, um,
your ankle goes there...
More Vicodin and eggs, please.
Wish I'd hocked that!
The doctor said
if I didn't take it easy,
Bart Simpson!
I just wanted what Lisa
and Maggie have.
And even if we did
have another baby,
in the galley of my last
flight to London.
It is!
I'd give my brother
everything I have!
Are you from the orphanage,
Nice! Favorite Beatle?
No glasses...
way to go!
You deserve a brother, Bart.
Two brothers?
Bart, who is this kid?
Two kid's tickets for
The Diversity Kittens.
but it's actually based on the rich
history of Hong Kong torture films.
especially 'cause I thought
it'd be no responsibility at all.
That mean boy took me
to a scary movie
my beautiful snout!
Now, Charlie, we'll have to live
off what we find in the garbage
Aired 14 years ago - Nov 29, 2009
After getting lost in a game of hide-and-seek, Lisa wanders into the field and discovers three teenage girls who are practising Wiccans. Though she is sceptical of their spells, the girls assure Lisa that they never hurt anyone and ask her to join
their coven. Just before Lisa is inducted into their pact, Chief Wiggum arrives and arrests the three girls for witchcraft and Lisa becomes the star witness in the trial.
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Finally, some
peace and quiet.
Possum?!
Oh, excuse my faux pas.
Oh, he's gonna shoot
those Google Earth folks
with my latest batch
of whoopee water.
Get her done. Get her done.
of the country bear jamboree.
of these boom potatoes
back from Iraq.
So, I'll hide,
and you guys
Dark is she,
but brilliant.
We're not going
to hurt you.
Wouldn't want you
to cast a spell on me.
have a surprising way
of coming true.
Now, who's going
to find us?
The pipe cleaner fur
is coming off on my hands.
What happened to Miss Hoover?
Which craft?!
So, let's go taste some
independent hooch!
No, I don't miss you.
You know, one hillbilly
has his way
But if the goddess
chose to help you
I worship nature!
With your bad back?
Forget about it!
I'm thinking of joining.
Just as I feared.
Damn budget cuts.
We're not the witches!
Goddess Lilith, who knows
our hearts are pure...
Dear, god, I've gone blind.
did you use
your supernatural powers
a young innocent,
into their evil coven.
Could the court reporter
read that back?
I still think he was guilty.
As citizens, we are still
bound by the rule of law.
If they drown, then they
were clearly innocent.
Don't dip those Wiccans!
coming to arrest you.
That river led to the reservoir
Aired 15 years ago - Nov 22, 2009
Principal Skinner is getting fed up with Bart's pranks, so he informs Bart that he is not the best prankster after all. A former student named Andy Hamilton is hailed as the best prankster, and Bart sets out on a mission to track Andy down. However, when Bart finds out that Andy is a 19-year-old still in his pranking days, they become fast friends.
Come with me.
Well, maybe so,
but I'm the best.
♪ But there's one thing
that must never be done ♪
Marge, how could you?!
Sorry. I didn't know.
A prankster that awesome
Hmm.
A prank that changed
Skinner from cool to tool.
Well, I'd be a pretty
lousy brother if I didn't.
and how many days
detention he got.
I was an eager, young swim
coach, teaching American youth
What an awesome day!
But he didn't, and it did.
so Skinner wasn't rescued
till Tuesday morn.
His name is Andy Hamilton.
This junk food has got to go.
That topping
is a petroleum by-product!
I once followed Santa home
from the department store,
Eh, it needs a topper.
You know, when I was your age,
Although he can still
Some chick missed
her own wedding!
This Andy sounds
like kind of a loser.
Dad, Lisa's making me see
things from both sides again!
Are you talking
about your father?
but now they're
done for.
Why is that man
carrying a purse?
non-soy dairy-based
soy sauce,
Oh, wait. I didn't see
these blueberries.
Huh.
Having to borrow spray paint
from a ten-year-old kid?
You would get me a job?
Thank you, man.
Oh, and you can't ride
on my private jet.
As my new second assistant,
Wink. Didn't Andy
start work today?
You quit after one day?
When I grow up,
It's healthy
snack time!
What percent milk fat
unsalted butter did you use
There is only one thing more
dangerous than P.F.O.A.s, Marge.
And I promise you,
I will not leave this job
so we'd have extra money
to buy fruit salad.
You found the precious!
grown-up thing I could
think of: a Caesar salad.
Aired 15 years ago - Nov 15, 2009
Marge and a group called the "Charity Chicks" pose for a calendar in hopes of raising money for charity, but Marge becomes the talk of the town thanks to her racy poses. Meanwhile, Carl is chosen as the newest supervisor at the nuclear power plant, and hires Homer to be his personal assistant.
for tapping gauges or filling
out employee evaluations.
I call to order
this meeting
I have a
great idea.
The female Tiger Woods
of the 1930s--
If you held
this glass of red wine.
Ooh, that's caliente, baby.
Spitty, 'cause he
spits when he talks.
Hey, calendar lady, you
gonna take your clothes off?
I'm making you
my new executive assistant.
Her shapely gams
have finally persuaded me
but only you get
to flip the pages.
Cuddling's for after.
Keep-away
with Bart's mom.
I'll have a quizzical expression
for the rest of my life.
Massage oil, some lingerie
from the horny hubby,
"Spank... Hair"?
Mm... Ooh.
I've been invited to the annual
Hey, it's not like
I want to go.
Okay, fission week
kicks off on Monday
Yay!
Yay!
...Still dead?
You are clearly
a man of the world.
When we get back to the hotel,
Let us stroll down
main street Euro-Disney!
Homie! Homie! Homie!
Homie! Homie!
Hmm, I guess it'll
just be dinner for four.
She's the first lady
of France, Carla Bruni!
Hello, you are getting
cozy with Sarkozy.
Aired 15 years ago - Oct 18, 2009
Lisa becomes livid with Miss Hoover, and in a series of homages to classic Hitchcock sets out for deadly revenge. Next, Krusty's latest fast-food sandwich transforms news anchor Kent Brockman into an enraged zombie and twenty-eight days later,
cannibal zombies have overrun Springfield. In the final frightening fable, Homer accidentally falls through a trapdoor in Moe's tavern and impales himself on the pipes of Moe's microbrewery. Moe serves the barflies a glass of delicious beer flavoured with Homer's blood and Homer, now half-man, half-brewing apparatus, returns for vengeance.
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Crisscross!
Mm-hmm.
Tomorrow after school,
go to her house and t.p. her.
Ah, got it!
he owes me a favor.
Burger Squared!
Juicy, flavorful,
There's gotta be something yummy
out there.
I'm not a muncher!
Well, I suppose
Bart could be immune--
Another politician
who can't keep his promises.
Ow! Quit it. Ow!
we can cure your father!
To survive, all we must
do is eat your flesh.
At night,
there is music and laughter.
♪ Just once I wish cupid
would draw back his bow ♪
Oh, my God, Homer!
Huh? Huh!
(gasps)
* It tastes
like cuddling *
♪ It's jolly, it's loyal, like
drinking your best friend! ♪
So, Marge, uh, Homer's been gone
a whole week, huh?
And it begins, "Dear Midge:
♪ A thought occurred to me ♪
♪ And spoon an English duke ♪
♪ Letters don't lie! ♪
Aired 15 years ago - Oct 11, 2009
Mixed martial arts (MMA) gains popularity in Springfield, and Marge leads a protest against it. The promoter of a local MMA company decides to gain publicity from the controversy by challenging Marge to a match, with the promise that he will shut down if she wins.
Thanks for bringing
me here, dad.
Just like the
ancient romans.
Sure, no problem.
$25, please.
but the school, the county, the state,
and that jackass Joe Biden.
Look at this--
his lunch money.
One...
Aw, I messed up.
- What else?
- A phone tree is invaluable.
but I think that because
this is not to my taste,
Studies have shown
your mother is right.
Frosting like snow on the eaves
of a bavarian castle!
Seven, eight,
use that gate.
Have you ever noticed how that
baby of hers never says a thing?
That woman has
natural breasts.
Except for the arena crew
because hufflesnuffs on ice
At least in other sports,
If you meet me in the Septagon,
fight me, and beat me.
this is the craziest,
and you're doing it.
How can I control her?
I have nothing to withhold!
Unable to move anything
but her left toe.
We've gotta get Marge some
professional training.
to impart my pugilistic prowess
to a punching parvenu.
and throw in a couple
of wildebeests.
And pop discs in spine
like bubble wrap.
Back when I wrestled at Yale,
I was in the lightest weight category--
Reversal! Reversal!
Clinch! Clinch, I say!
Knickerbocker
knucklebreaker! And so on.
By the way, what's that book
you're reading?
I should be on antidepressants.
A lot of people think
bullies are born awesome,
when I gave them my lunch money.
I can't back out,
because if I fight him tomorrow,
Let's go, Marge.
My class reunion starts in an hour.
Krusty, I'm honored
you invited me tonight.
But since you're going through
with it, I beg you,
Time to square off in the ring--
That is, the Septagon!
And four obtuse angles over,
weighing in at 115 pounds,
I had car trouble!
Come on! Come on! Get back on your feet!
I believe in you!
Heck, I'll fight anyone.
Aired 15 years ago - Oct 04, 2009
Mrs Krabappel is fired from Springfield Elementary after Bart spikes her coffee, causing her to make a drunken fool of herself. She is replaced by a cool new teacher, Mr. Vaughn, who is a quick hit with the kids. Bart, however, struggles with the guilt and considers telling Principal Skinner the truth.
Aired 15 years ago - Sep 27, 2009
Homer gets the lead in a movie about a superhero who can take on the powers of every superhero in any comic book he touches. To whip Homer into superhero shape, the studio hires a celebrity fitness trainer.
put me in sing-sing!
It's safer!
Everyman will stop
every crime every time.
Reading it, I escaped
from my troubles.
Very well.
I... Shall... Self-publish.
Eh, we've already made everything
That could possibly be a movie into a great movie.
What are his powers?
All of them.
Oh really? The way you thought
"stratego" would make a good movie?
Let me get to the point:
fine. You got it.
Thank you.
And there's more, but my fax machine
ran out of ink, so I can't read it.
But I already bought a boat
with the money you were gonna pay me.
Can you help me out?
I need change for a dollar.
Oh, there's no nudity in this movie.
What movie?
Dr. Hibbert found out my thyroid
isn't pumping out enough--
Fine. I'll give back the oscars
I stole from the lobby.
Several people
stared at the sun,
Why aren't you laughing?
Don't you know what "yo" means?
They look good with a
little meat on their bones.
But not me.
Homer, do you
know why you eat?
How about I just do a
walking around sad montage?
And... Fit.
Tobe, tobe, tobe,
we talked about this.
like I told john travolta,
my client list is private.
Well, I think we've seen
the last of the purple pariah.
What'd you think, kids?
That was awesome!
Oscar, take a shower,
or a tomato bath or something. Please!
a gig?
Don't take it personally, home team.
Who's never seen everyman.
And the grasshopperaptor
we built
Oh, marge, I'm ready
for some lovin'.
Well, I don't know, I...
Ugh. What?
Cut.
Ooh, I'm afraid that's
not gonna happen.
Editing solves everything--
except my problems with the irs.
Everyman...
Show your-ssself.
It's your job to get
their attention.