Aired 20 years ago - May 23, 2004
Lisa is going to read a poem at the town's celebration of their natural landmark "Geezer Rock," but Homer who believes he is doing the right thing removes a bush from the landmark that causes it to fall apart. Mr. Burns is caught in the landslide
and Smithers fears he is lost. Lisa is disappointed that no one got to hear her poem and Marge suggests that she get it published. To Smithers' delight, Mr. Burns has survived the landslide by slithering his way out however; he is annoyed to find out that no one missed him when they thought he was lost. He decides to buy every media outlet in town. Lisa distributes the first issue of her own newspaper the "The Red Dress Press," which is a success. Now she has to get out a second issue and she enlists the help of her fellow children. Meanwhile, Mr. Burns has taken control of all the media outlets in Springfield, except one, her newspaper. Mr. Burns tries to seduce Lisa into selling out but she won't give up. Now Mr. Burns starts to play hardball, he cuts the power to the Simpson home. Principal Skinner offers Lisa the use of an old mimeograph machine, which gets her latest issue out. Mr. Burns talks with Homer to get the dirt on Lisa, that Homer readily supplies and Burns uses this information against her. Lisa is ready to give up and Homer realizing what he's done responds by printing a newspaper of his own. Homer's paper inspires others to think to begin to think for themselves and soon everyone is printing their own newspaper.
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(SOBBING)
before time could
diminish your beauty.
Because of my svelte physique, I was
able to fit in a narrow air pocket.
Beloved by children.
Quickly, Smithers,
re-hydrate me.
smush Mr. Burns.
Well, I'm going to change this
town's accurate impression of me.
I'll buy every
media outlet in town!
Thanks for helping me deliver the first
edition of The Red Dress Press, Dad.
"to think of Springfield
is to think of thee."
"and twixt thy stones
glimpsed I the truth."
You better. I've already sold
a bunch of subscriptions.
I want to be a fire truck.
Yes, that's right. I pulled a Jesus.
Have a nickel.
You're on the Morning Zoo
with Bill and Marty!
TV, radio, even the skywriters.
I will be debating Channel
6 movie ghoulie Booberella
Remember, children,
nuclear power is your friend,
"Dear readers,
you hold in your hands"
Send in Sugarbell.
Shoo.
So, what do you think of
today's popular music scene?
I was actually in Basra.
Bart, you're staying!
Your goons did run
her off the road, sir.
What I want, what I want
I'll tell you what I want
Are you kidding? I love it! I
once had a principal like that!
And I'm losing!
Blast!
Well, gather their watches.
Wait a minute. Are you
trying to get dirt on Lisa?
Now, tell me more about your daughter.
And speak into the lamp.
There's nothing more pathetic
than self-delusion, eh?
Check out
the Lifestyle section.
Aired 20 years ago - May 16, 2004
It's shot day and Bart tries to evade the needle. Dr. Hibbert manages to get the job done but Bart suffers a side effect of temporary hearing loss from the shot and he takes advantage of it for all it's worth. At Springfield Elementary the annual
Donkey basketball tournament is being held. During the playing of The Star Spangled Banner Bart has his shorts eaten by a donkey, leaving his bare ass exposed towards the flag. Martin snaps a picture and everyone present is outraged at this behavior. As a result the Simpson family becomes very unpopular. They go on a cable news channel and only manage to dig themselves into a deeper hole when the host manages to twist Marge's words into saying that Springfield hates America. The negative publicity causes Mayor Quimby to change the name of the town to Liberty-Ville and they make everything patriotic. The family is arrested under violation of the "government knows best act" and they are brought to a reeducation center. The last registered Democrat tells them how they can escape. During their musical number they escape through a tunnel but find they were on Alcatraz. They are rescued by a passing French freighter and taken to France. After being there a while they decide they miss their life in America and go back as illegal immigrants.
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For now, he can express himself
with this complimentary pen.
What'd you say
about me mother?!
Dad, he's deaf.
Now I've heard everything.
welcome, everyone, to the annual
donkey basketball classic.
Why'd you dis the flag?
it makes the new york post
look like the new york times.
And the family that
applauds his every moonery.
I'm gonna go listen to the
president's weekly radio address.
I won't have to hear,
"suck my such and such"
Just buy some ice cream
and walk around the pier.
I'm nash castor,
and it's time to butt heads.
all right, so if
I hear you correctly,
then yes, I do hate americans!
Now, coming up
after this commercial,
Overseas the reaction tonight
is decidedly different.
Look what happened
to Hitler City, North Carolina.
to liberty-ville!
It is a heartfelt expression of my true
desire to protect my mahogany noggin.
Lord, give us the courage
to worship the american flag,
"Congress shall make no law abridging
the freedom of speech, or of the press."
I don't...
it was left, right, left,
then a three-hour plane ride.
in with the joke ones.
bill o' rights.
but this is what
I believe in now.
you can do it during the prison
talent show tomorrow night.
97... 98...
99...
Now, people have
accused this family
for amber waves of grain...
give us your oil
Aired 20 years ago - May 09, 2004
Homer and Bart get into a fight over using a beer bottle to kiss girls which land them in Simpson family court, where Lisa presides as judge. While giving testimony Marge tells the kids that Homer's first kiss was with her in high school. He
confesses that it wasn't his first kiss. Back when he was ten he went to camp See-A-Tree (for underprivileged boys). Here he meets Lenny, Carl and Moe. The boys go to the girl's camp where they work in the kitchen. After Homer returns the retainer to the girl who lost it he gets the opportunity to meet her later that night. He tells the kids she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, until he later met their mother. Marge reveals that the girl was her. Marge tells the story from her perspective. At the girls camp, Land-A-Man, we find Marge, Patty, Selma, Helen (Lovejoy), Cookie Kwan. When she met Homer that it was she who first kisses him and then they have the perfect kiss. They agree to meet again the following night, but Homer doesn't show. Marge says it was years before she could trust another boy. Homer explains why he didn't return for a second date. After he left her he fell off a cliff into the lake and drifted to the shores of "Camp Flab-Away," which featured Quimby, Wiggum and Comic Book Guy as some of the overweight campers. Homer manages to escape and gets to Marge's camp, but arrives after she's left. Now that Marge knows the truth Homer hopes for her forgiveness. She doesn't believe he really cared all those years ago, until he pulls the other piece of her broken heart out of his memory box.
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Hey, you must be Homer!
I'm Lenny and this is Carl.
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
In the summertime
when the weather is high
Ooh la la!
You know, doing dishes has
been the best part of camp.
because behind them
was the girl of my dreams.
(CLICKING) D'oh! Found it.
I guess it's row versus wade.
And it's my right to choose!
Homer, that girl was me!
Granted. (BANGS GAVEL)
I guess I'll go with lame.
You were lame!
Mom, why are you so mad?
talk like ladies, and hold
your liquor like ladies.
I'd be proud if you grew up
to be my husband's mistress.
We were learning
to use all 33 forks.
(GIGGLING SPITEFULLY)
What should I wear?
I guess I'm going to have
to be a brunette tonight.
You must be Elvis.
Um...
I think about you day and
night It's only right
Imagine how the world
could be so very fine
When you're with me, baby
the skies'll be blue
(HUMMING)
It was years before
I could trust a boy again.
Face it, Lise. Men are dogs.
And I felt a feeling
I had never felt before.
But every time you smash a
nerd with it, think of me.
(SCREAMING)
Well, no one ever
escapes from Fat Camp.
I don't belong here!
Yeah, you've got a date with
a skinless chicken breast.
Hey, don't you try and
prank me with a fake name!
to kiss until
they're hot and heavy,
Aired 20 years ago - May 02, 2004
Homer is intrigued by a commercial that talks about a contest that will allow the winner, the finder of a golden ticket, a trip to "Farmer Billy's Bacon Factory." Homer buys a lot of pork products but is only able to find a silver ticket, which
allows him to judge the pig competition at the county fair. When Homer sees an injustice being done to Lisa's entry in the place setting competition, he decides to take action. Remembering Chief Wiggum's warning about felony assault, he disguises himself as "Pie Man" and delivers a pie in the face as revenge. He disappears as quickly as he came, making Springfield wonder if they will ever see him again. When Bart gets ripped off by Comic Book Guy, "Pie Man" delivers some "key lime justice." The police decide that "Pie Man" needs to be stopped and they shoot him when he makes his next appearance. He takes time out from his fleeing to save Marge and then kisses her, even though she tells him she's a married woman. Later at home, the wounded Homer makes a promise to Lisa (who's figured out his disguise) that he will stop his pie avenging. When Mr. Burns goes too far, "Pie Man" makes another appearance, but his escape from the plant is thwarted by his own laziness. Mr. Burns turns him into his personal hit man. Homer finds himself in a dilemma when Mr. Burns wants him to deliver a pie in the face of Lisa's Buddhist hero the Dalai Lama. When he comes clean in front of a crowd, no one believes that he was capable of being the "Pie Man," only his family believes in him.
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How about a bite of the world's
biggest brussels sprout?
Hey, I know that country!
but I love this country to
me she has no sins
Ha! Clearly had a snout job.
The setting features tuning forks,
champagne flutes and of course, chopsticks.
like a yard dog that sneaks into the house!
This table's about as solid
as your underlying concept.
We all know pi-r-squared.
Oh, I have a funny feeling we will.
Gee, I thought I had a bigger package than that.
"Richie Rich incorporates in Delaware,"
Maybe you're right, Lisa.
This magazine you sold me isn't "fantastic four."
Don't do the crime if you
can't do the key lime.
There is no way I'm going to be
dating a man with pie on his face.
Fistface? Who's fistface?
Ooh, I bet he's Ned Flanders.
This is for your show's slight
decline in quality over the years.
I'm going to go turn the siren on;
that always cheers me up.
Yeah, but he's skipping the
hardest part of being a cop:
Uh, listen... I'm married.
That was so exciting, yet familiar.
Let's see... cartilage, cartilage,
muscle, nerve!... Artery... bullet!
We've been getting his mail for weeks.
So it would seem.
Simpson, you're late, bald and stupid.
Lousy Burns..."bald-headed..."
Hey, Homer, throw me at Mr. Burns!
you make one last hit, then you're
out of the business forever.
Again?
It's not a rubber band; it's a scrunchie!
Do I get two paychecks?
I just can't!
Not because he wanted to, but because
he was being blackmailed by his boss?
- You know, I'm not pie man.
- I don't care.
Now pie that brownie, fruitcake!
Aired 20 years ago - Apr 25, 2004
Bart lectures the other students on water balloons and after hitting Lisa with one he gets into a fight with her all the way home. Marge tells the pair that they are going to Dayton, Ohio to celebrate Uncle Tyrone's birthday. Bart and Lisa aren't
thrilled with the idea and get to stay home. As a family activity they rent a video, "Love Story" and Bart and Lisa are bored by it such that they ruin any moment the film might have created for Homer and Marge. Homer and Marge look forward to their trip without the kids and on a whim they decide to forgo seeing Uncle Tyrone and get on a plane to Miami. Lisa and Bart are aware that the hotel in Dayton where Marge and Homer were supposed to be staying was wiped out by a tornado. Bart discovers there parents are in Miami. They get Grandpa to take them there. While Bart and Lisa find their parents, Grandpa goes looking for companionship. Marge and Homer see the kids waiting for them so they take off again, only Bart and Lisa are on their trail. Homer and Marge are in Atlantic City when they spot the kids so they go on the run from them in an instrumental musical montage. Meanwhile Abe has found companionship in Miami with a man named Raoul who appreciates his rambling stories. Homer and Marge finally find themselves in Niagara Falls, but the kids are their as well. Feeling a little guilty Bart and Lisa decide to give their parents their space and go to the amusement park only to find their parents are already there. Homer and Marge run from the pair only to find refuge in a giant inflatable castle, which their lovemaking antics cause to fall into the Niagara River. The couple floats toward the falls and certain death only to be saved by their large floatation device. Later back in Springfield, Ned and Rod Flanders receive their credit card bills.
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Oh, say it ain't so, ho!
The sweet love story
that is older than the sea
Now, if you don't mind,
Well, I wouldn't be happy.
That's kabala, jerk!
It's their hub.
Remember our honeymoon?
suntan airlines is now boarding rows
"piña colada" through "daiquiri."
As the bible says:
we're ditching our kids and
taking a second honeymoon!
so much for getting
my groove back.
This is so luxurious.
See our web site
for the recipe.
they might not be dead.
They could be in the basement.
how can I be a parent?
I break my teeth on ribbon candy.
I can't go to miami. I'm expecting
calls from telemarketers!
Yeah, I've never
sat by a pool this long
no, seriously,
The car's been driving
funny since orlando.
Time to find a woman
who needs some tlc--
the kids tracked us down.
but where do we go?
No, we're going to follow them
across this great land,
I'm going into
the gold medallion club,
I have a penthouse
Shows at 2:00, 4:00, 6:00,
8:00, 10:00 and midnight.
I am not as interested in women
as my open shirt might suggest.
I will treasure every word that
drops from your beautiful lips.
Yeah, it's a tissue, covered
in blood and boogers!
Just sleep here tonight
and now the floor
is made of lava.
Aired 20 years ago - Apr 18, 2004
Principal Seymour Skinner and Ms. Edna Krabappel are finally getting married. Edna has a great bachelorette party at the Simpson house, featuring Duffman and a top-less Chief Wiggum; meanwhile at Seymour's bachelor party at Moe's, he confesses to
Homer the fact that he is getting cold feet. When the actual event is about to occur, Edna has second thoughts; feeling that Seymour has never been on board with this whole idea all along. Edna runs from the ceremony. Unknowingly both Homer and Marge are each with the pair in an attempt to get them back together. The attempt fails when the state of Homer and Marge's own marriage gets in the way. Edna returns a gift to the Comic Book Guy. She becomes charmed by his banter and agrees to accompany him to lunch. Homer tries having Seymour serenade Edna, but they discover she's seeing Comic Book Guy. The family goes to Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con to try to keep Edna from making a big mistake. After seeing Futurama creator Matt Groening, they find Edna being proposed to by a Klingon clad Comic Book Guy. Seymour enters wearing a Catwoman outfit and begins battling Comic Book Guy. Edna stops the fight, and tells the pair that neither man is for her. Now Homer must make some amends to Marge to keep his marriage together.
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O are all of you people?
( drunkenly ):
There's something
Really hot.
about loud music and a
strip-da-didilly-dipper.
hey, ladies, ladies,
I-I really am a cop.
Hmm, hmm, like what
you see, ladies?
like that class
picture photographer.
Wussy.
Grinch.
You know, homer, edna was
lenny...
my man...
Homer, you're still
talking to me.
Oh, by the way, can i
borrow your car tomorrow?
because once a union has
been sanctified by god,
I think skinner might make
a run for it.
Here comes the bride.
Repeat. Here comes the bride.
( Playing "the wedding march" )
We had a long discussion
about that
I'm not quite ready
to take that plunge.
"I surrender."
I do.
( All gasp )
I can't do it.
That dress is a vera wang.
She was only doing it
for the appliances.
with some delicious
shrimp mocktail.
I spent $15
on those dance lessons,
what is the center
of the circulatory system?
( Bell rings )
Oh, passion's for teens
and immigrants.
But a relationship
can't be
oh, god, I've lost
the love of my life.
Don't worry.
If I feel the urge to sober up,
her beautiful,
beautiful penmanship.
You'll be my cyrano?
Hey, if we get
How's that, homer?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, that's so lovely.
"But it's too late
whittling away the batteries
until they die.
Because I'm successfully
married.
Ah, yes.
An incredible hulk melon baller.
Is there
a mrs. Comic book guy?
Would you like
to get some coffee?
Now, could you give me
a pushing start?
oh, edna k, oh, edna k
oh, edna k, oh, edna k
uh-plee-ee-ee-eease
settle for seymour
well, well, if it isn't
the square in our love triangle.
Oh, but it can.
I adore edna.
and then the bi-monthly
science fiction convention.
And you meet the worst guys
on the rebound.
( Groans )
Oh, my goodness,
it's matt groening!
What about an original sketch
or snippet of my hair?
just to see you smile."
Aw... that is the most romantic
Aired 20 years ago - Mar 28, 2004
The family is at a downtown department store, where among other things Lisa looks at the latest in fashion for young girls, Marge gets some rejuvenating cream, Homer uses the dressing room for something other than trying clothes on, and Seymour and
Edna are selecting some wedding china. Bart uses the wedding gift registry to sign himself and his bride "Lotta Cooties" for wedding presents. He invites a number of people to attend his wedding and he plans to return all the unused gifts for store credit. He gets all the gifts delivered but he gets caught by Chief Wiggum. The judge sentences Bart to six months of juvenile detention. Bart tries to find his way at the center, and when Homer becomes a guard, it doesn't improve his situation at all. The boys and girls are brought together for dance lessons, but Bart's partner Gina decides that they have an opportunity for escape and since they've been handcuffed together, she brings him along. Out on the lam together they become attached, even after they've gone to a blacksmith to get their cuffs removed; because when Gina is own her own she knows she has nothing to return to, whereas Bart has a family. When the pair is found, Gina makes a confession that makes it so Bart is free to return to his family.
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Lotta cooties.
( Sighs ):
Another employee
this prank is
my sergeant pepper'S.
Get your own!
( Loud breathing )
Would some flatware
make things right?
where bart's criminal record
occupies
Please, judge, you can'T.
I-I'll do anything.
( crying )
one pack of cards, baseball...
lessons by mail, worthwhile.
and yet I did nothing.
Oh, I get it.
Blame the strangler.
these are all fast food jobs.
Freedom!
to the spectacular 3-d
blood and gore.
They're not true friends.
Time's up!
I believe that
children are the future,
that's my doll!
His dad's a screw?
I sure am.
Oh, I'll see you
when I see you.
So, juveniles
who know how to fox-trot
I like them small
and bug-eyed.
They're escaping!
Seal the perimeter!
or I can close it right.
Can't you do both?
hey, guards!
Help! Help!
Are you looking
to do the bartman?
I didn't want to go,
I miss prison.
to understand the mindset
of the escapees,
Tell them I'll be
on conan thursday,
to juvie?
Shoplift a scrunchie?
Took a lot of courage
to say that.
but I whittles what I sees.
Bart:
Great.
Don't worry, my family'll
hide me till the heat's off.
Bart, I'm going
to miss you so much.
Oh, that girl's nuts.
to that awesome
family of yours?
Aired 20 years ago - Mar 21, 2004
Homer, Lisa and Bart get tickets for the latest chapter of "Cosmic Wars." The movie wasn't what they hoped it would be. Marge suggests that the kids write a letter expressing their dissatisfaction to creator Randall Curtis. Two weeks later when
they get a stock letter in reply and they ask if they can go to the "Cosmic Wars Ranch" and complain in person. The family (sans Maggie) goes to Northern California. While Marge and Homer go on a winery tour, Bart and Lisa go to the ranch to find the creator and make their feelings known. After Bart and Lisa have their meeting with Curtis they rejoin their parents, who they find are both drunk on free samples they had at the winery. Marge and Homer are really enjoying their wine together, but following one their nights of drinking Marge finds her with a hangover. They agree that she can stop drinking and they can still have fun together. They go to Oktoberfest and Marge almost gets away with not drinking, but drink she does and they both leave the drunk, with Homer driving. After he drives their car off the road, Homer decides to make it look like Marge (who is somewhat passed out) was behind the wheel. The police arrest Marge; Homer is nowhere to be found at the time and he later bails her out. Barney suggests a rehab clinic for Marge to start attending. Homer finds out that Marge is going to be gone for a month, he asks Flanders to watch the kids while he goes to break her out of rehab. He finds her and confesses his guilt, which makes her angry and she starts drinking again. After some heavy drinking, Marge realizes that it isn't drinking that she liked; it was being together with Homer. She gets Homer and together they leave, after Homer promises to cut out drinking all clear liquors.
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jim-jam, what happened to the
wheel covers on my landing gear?
was senate redistricting!
I feel so ripped off
by that crappy movie,
your movie stunk smelly butt.
I am fine.
He ignored
our criticisms!
Please! Please!
Please! Please!
Marge, are you sure
we should go drinking together?
( Bone cracks )
oh! Oh, my ankle snapped!
Yo, yo, yo!
Entrees start at $6.95.
( Both guffawing )
Well, now i know
you're crazy.
Plots and characters lifted
from westerns and samurai films.
Don't tell mama
what mama don't like.
( Imitating marge's giggle )
Moe's tavern?
Umm... all I got
is this old stuff here.
Now, in a step I perhaps should
have taken initially,
did you guys get home
at 2:00 last night?
This'll cover
what I did to the fireplace.
( groaning ):
Oh, my head.
( hinge squeaking loudly )
And when I feel weak,
Don't worry, honey.
I don't even know
duffmensch orders you to party!
I guess one beer won't hurt.
Have you ever walked on stilts?
It's not that great.
Drive slow but not too slow.
If I get one more D.U.I.,
They'll take away my license.
oh, boy, I smell beer.
What? It's 'cause of her
I put in a bidet.
can I have some peanuts?
Yeah, all right.
Don't bogart
our lord!
Maybe they
can help you.
At oktoberfest,
all I could think
I am a lineman
for the county
li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-
and will be answered
in the order received.
I'll show you
what I'm holding.
Well, that's good too,
I guess.
You didn't crash that car.
Aired 20 years ago - Mar 14, 2004
Homer tries to take the kids (Bart, Lisa Rod & Todd) to a movie; meanwhile Ned has taken the seniors for ice cream to celebrate Jasper's birthday. With all the kid friendly movies sold out, Homer (on Lenny's recommendation – he's in the movie)
takes the kids to see "The Re-Deadening" a horror film that really scares the children. So much so that Bart and Lisa begin hearing noises from the attic. They try to investigate, but their fears scare them out of the attic. They get Homer to lead an investigation into the attic and they find that Artie Ziff has been living there. Ziff tells them why he is living in their attic, his Internet business failed and he's lost everything. He wants to stay there and promises to be on his best behavior until he gets back on his feet. Artie stays, but Marge sees a news report that the SEC is looking for Artie Ziff. Meanwhile, Artie is playing poker with Homer and his friends. Artie puts up 98% of his remaining stock to make a bet and Homer wins the pot, just as the SEC sweeps in to arrest Ziff. Homer (as majority stockholder) is taken into custody. Homer is put on trial and sentenced to ten years in prison. Marge tells Artie that the only reason no one likes him is because he only thinks of himself, which he soon begins to realize and after a night of passion with the only Bouvier sister (Selma) he can have he Ziff turns over his corporate books and Homer is exonerated.
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Hey, lenny, is your film
appropriate for kids?
Then I have no choice.
Everything you see
is make believe,
I'd better tell the governess.
Can we go home?
Mm-hmm.
That's my girl.
like roofing and driveway scams.
with donald sutherland as the
priest who stopped believing...
Bart and I will explore
the attic
oh, god, oh, god, oh, no...
Bones!
put together.
and will be held against you
in a court of sex.
"Why america loves
saddam hussein."
I've been hiding in your attic,
Oh, yeah.
( Chuckles )
I would stop,
but I love my voice!
Everyone loved my corporation.
they even took my repo vans.
Not even a fresh remark.
Except this one.
No way! He's an annoying sneak
who's out to steal my wife.
( Sighs )
Doesn't your father ever read
to you?
Yeah, but after the ice cream
man cut up his credit card,
Guys,
It seems ziffcorp
spent stockholders' money
that ziff is living
in a cave somewhere.
Maybe I have some kind
of "tell."
Flush.
What have you got?
freeze!
I sure am, with all the inherent
legal liability.
into his home
I'm the fat one!
Dudes, I think this guy's
comin' on to me.
and she was so beautiful,
but what man would want her now?
Marge, I think about a lot more
than just moi.
I never want you in
this house again!
Okay, kids, this book
"Johnny's friends
get some payback on daddy
The smell
of marge's pork chops...
aw, it's no use, son.
We were jogging
and ran out of cigarettes.
No. She kicked me out for
sending her husband to prison.
Come on, short round, we're
going back to my temple of doom.
I'm going to stop now.
Aired 20 years ago - Feb 22, 2004
Apu and Manjula are signing up two of the octuplets for Miss Wickerbottom's Pre-Nursery School and after a verbal exchange with Dr. Hibbert, Homer decides they should do the same for Maggie. Because she can't talk, she doesn't pass the initial
screening. Afterwards Lisa discovers that even though Maggie can't talk she does show signs of brilliance. Another screening at the pre-pre school shows of her talents and reveals that she has a higher IQ than Lisa. Maggie's new brilliance leaves Lisa searching for a new identity, since she no longer has her status as "the smart one." Lisa tries stand-up comedy, becoming a goth ‘Ravencrone Neversmiles,' cheerleader, rapper, soccer player, cowgirl; none of which workout for her. After she is discovered trying to sabotage her sister's education Lisa leaves home with 2¢ to her name. She decides to stay at the Natural History Museum, where her family is sure to never find her; however Springfield's "finest" do discover her location and they bring the family to help them find her. An accident gets Marge, Bart and Homer trapped in an exhibit and they look to Maggie to get them out, but Maggie's secret to her brilliance is nowhere to be found.
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Oh, no, no.
She says lots of words.
...who steals from the till.
Would ya let me finish? Jeez!
we've got pita,
hummus, tempeh, tofu.
Rice. Why not caviar?
Einstein didn't
speak till he was three.
Well, congratulations. You're
now as intelligent as a pig.
four arrows
to make five arrows.
Your baby is brilliant. Why, she could
already teach at Florida State.
But my lQ is only 159.
I'm slapping this sucker right
over "Support Our Troops."
Sweetie, you seem so blue.
I already have one of those.
All right. If I'm second-rate
as the smart kid,
Stuffed cabbage?
Can you believe
Oh, untrue. Last Thursday,
we visited a battlefield.
Every me they reject gets me
closer to the me they'll like.
Cool. We can be goth together.
Yes, my mistress.
Oh, none of these feel right. Wait, wait.
Did I try soccer player?
Boy, I miss that. Ow!
People who accuse others
of being gay
Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Er.
(WHINING)
(HESITANTLY) No, that's wrong.
Your sister just wants to
learn and be like you!
Maggie, you're such
a quick learner.
(SNORING)
(SIGHING)
I'm sure a lot of great people
have started with less.
Oh, I thought you said 80.
Fine. "Extremely satisfied."
And I'll never run
into my family here!
Would you please step
out of the line, sir?
(SOBBING)
Why do you always take the
children and not the fondue sets?
Oh, my God! What?
MARGE: Lisa? HOMER: Lisa?
Everyone, take off your shoes.
Yo, Chief,
we got a problem here.
HOMER: Ew!
Bart, you were a worthy foe.
Oh, good. She's here
in time to see us die.
Aired 20 years ago - Feb 15, 2004
On a school field trip to the Museum of Television and TV Milhouse shows that he has developed a new attitude where he just doesn't care. Meanwhile Mr. Burns has moved Homer, Lenny and Carl to an offsite location (Moe's) so that they don't ruin a
visit by the plant's board of directors. Apu and Manjula stop by celebrating their anniversary, making Homer realize he hasn't gotten anything for his anniversary with Marge. He gets extremely drunk and finds himself ‘dancing' on the street where people, thinking he is homeless, start giving him money. Milhouse reveals the secret to his new attitude is the fact that he and his mother are moving to Capitol City, where they are going to get a fresh start. Both Bart and Kirk Van Houten are going to have to learn to get along without Milhouse being around. Bart tries to adapt to a world without Milhouse, especially after a visit to Milhouse in Capitol City makes him realize that things will never be the same. In the meantime, Homer has begun begging as a second job when he realizes he can make good money that allows him to buy Marge an expensive anniversary gift. With Milhouse out of his life, Bart finds himself bonding with his sister and she is enjoying the new relationship with her brother; a relationship that gets tested when Kirk gets "pity custody" of Milhouse and Marge is enlightened by the homeless on Homer's second source of income.
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Milhouse, why are you
acting so crazy?
I don't care what people
think of me anymore.
and nadia comaneci!
Paul lynde:
check it out-- I'm riding
some guy named ironside!
Homer ( slurring ):
I don't wanna go home!
Oh, you poor soul.
( Humming "hoochie-coochie" )
transferred her 401k.
Nooo!
by remarrying
your old husband?
That chevron station has
the most romantic bouquets!
...And scratch show!
( screams very loud )
it's hard to lose
your best friend.
My nose makes
its own bubble gum!
hmm.
You don't have to tell me.
I was number three.
Wake up, people!
( Yelling incoherently )
Oh, yes!
( Passengers screaming )
Milhouse,
this isn't you.
milhouse,
you went cap city on him!
Why don't you play outside?
Fine. You can confirm
the accuracy of the hose.
Bart, you're
in my family.
Marge, I'm not
gonna lie to you.
Diamondelle?
Nope.
Okay. Shake.
Why are you
still doing this?
Want to make out?
No one wants to be alone.
hey, bart, I "borrowed"
my uncle's pellet gun.
My sister's
my best friend!
Ha! Maybe she'll be a good
influence on him.
You scots sure are
a contentious people.
etcetera, etcetera.
Homer!
The flowers, the earrings,
the bob seger boxed set,
I don't understand.
It's awesome.
You're somebody's father?!
Aired 20 years ago - Feb 08, 2004
Marge, the kids and Milhouse go to the library where they find there are no longer any books on the shelves. With no books for reference, the kid's reports are in danger of not being able to write their reports. Fortunately, Marge knows some
history and relates to the children the following tales:
Henry VIII (Homer) tries to find a wife that will bear him a son.
Lewis and Clark (Lenny and Carl) get assistance from Sacagawea (Lisa) in their quest to explore the western territories.
Mozart (Bart) the musical child prodigy wows them in 18th century Austria, while his sister (Lisa) fights for her own musical identity.
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but I can't chop
my wife's head off
Sire, there's
no such thing
Your majesty, I work
for the pope.
sweetie, sometimes
Or-or why can't we elect
our leaders?
I get ireland?!
( Laughing )
Okay, now let's put
a son in the oven!
so I left a magazine
in the basket.
( Screaming epithets )
your lawfully wedded husband
till your first
My track record!
I've had ten sons.
Sire, I know what
you usually do
I was looking for that one woman
We still finish
each other's sentences.
Finally, henry's daughter,
elizabeth, became queen.
( grunts )
we girls learned
about sacagawea
They paddled up the mississippi
from st. Louis.
and carl.
Thanks, and welcome
In our language, her name means
because by myself,
ze darkness,
Mmm. You know, these...
ooh!
look as big as possible.
Well, nothing can crush
the frontier spirit.
We got the job because
we own a compass.
( sound of rifles cocking )
Water under the
bridge, eh? Eh?
How do you like that?
Sacagawea has an opinion!
the compass is painted on...
aw, she'll be back.
Which you mountain lions
find terrifying.
Look!
The pacific ocean!
this country can bestow.
Bart, what famous
historical figuredo you want to write about?
Boring?
Is there anything boring
mozart!
He makes bach turn back...
sonata in a, k331,
third movement.
but you forgot to push
the merchandise!
tito, randy and jermaine?
ewww! A plague rat!
to such an undeserving fool?
Papa can we have
a heinrich's bratwurst?
oh, I can't stand it...
thank you! Thank you!
( Tittering )
Claret, port, riesling!
right from your
butt, butt, butt
( murmuring )
the emperor finds it boring.
Oops.
oh, mozart, I know
you are gravely ill,
Let's get you covered
in leeches!
Aired 20 years ago - Jan 25, 2004
Homer compromises the power plant's security system and as a result gets fired. Marge and the kids go to a bookstore and while there she sits in a on a book reading and then asks the author if anyone can write a book. The answer gives Marge an
idea. Meanwhile, Homer has gotten a job as a car salesman; but there is an ambulance on the lot that seduces Homer into quitting that job and becoming an ambulance driver. Marge wants to start writing her novel and Homer agrees to watch the kids, while putting in his night shift as an ambulance driver. Marge completes her novel and lets Lisa read it. Seeing one of the characters is hard on her father, Lisa suggests that Marge let Homer read the novel. Homer makes an attempt, fails and tells her that he did. Marge gets her novel published and the kids worry that if Homer ever reads it or sees it as a MADtv sketch, he will be heartbroken. Marge's novel comes out and everyone in Springfield is talking about it. Homer gets the book on tape version, as read by the Olsen twins, and finds out what everyone is talking about. Mad Homer chases after Flanders to do something he should have taken care of a long time ago.
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Aired 20 years ago - Jan 11, 2004
Milhouse comes over with a Psycho Cycle bike conversion kit, which they use on Bart's bike to make it look cooler. While riding the modified bike, they are hassled by older boys with "big boy" bikes. It makes Bart wish for a ten-speed bike. To
get a new bike Bart sacrifices his old bike right in front of Dr. Hibbert's Mercedes. As Dr. Hibbert leaves his Mercedes then runs over Snowball II and Lisa is devastated. Bart and Homer get Bart a new bike, but it needs to be assembled and Homer tries to do his best. The bike falls apart when Bart tries to show it off to the older boys. Later Bart and Homer are watching "Robot Rumble" and the father and son teams inspire Homer to try building a robot for them to enter in competition but Bart leads Homer to believe that Bart thinks he is an oaf. Marge and Lisa look for a new cat and Lisa finds a new one that she calls Snowball III. Homer tries to build a robot, but his result is a failure. Homer looks to his father for inspiration and becomes a robot instead of building one. Bart wakes to find Homer's robot in his room, which is actually Homer inside of large metal shell powered by a tricycle. Lisa finds that Snowball III has drowned in the fish tank. Bart competes on "Robot Rumble," with the robot he's called "Chief Knock-A-Homer," but Homer is nowhere to be found. Homer, hidden inside the robot, manages to win his first match, but only after he receives numerous cuts and bruises. Lisa gets (and quickly loses) a new cat named Coltrane. Chief Knock-A-Homer quickly works his way into the finals, but Bart is sorry that his father hasn't been able to see any of the Chief's victories. The Chief's final match is scheduled to be against Professor Frink and his son's deadly looking robot. Lisa, depressed about her propensity to kill cats, is surprised when a crazy lady leaves her with a new cat. Lisa sees that new cat looks kill proof, and decides to call it Snowball II and forgot the whole dead cat thing ever happened. After the first round of the finals Bart discovers the secret inside of Chief Knock-A-Homer and thinks his dad is even cooler for doing that. The match is stopped in the second round when Homer's presence in the robot is revealed to everyone. The law of robotics saves Homer's life and the Frink robot goes out its way to make Homer comfortable. Nature's greatest killing machine is declared the winner.
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I'm very sorry, Bart.
I'll pay for a new bike.
(GASPS)
"One special cat minus nine lives
equals one sad little girl."
And I thought the pain
would never... (GASPS)
Son, would you like to ride
your new bike out of the store?
What the hell is this? Oh!
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
First of all, thank you.
That book doesn't
know how I feel.
(GASPS) Meow!
(SCREAMS)
That's it!
(GASPS)
We gotta go fight some robots!
Well, I wish Homer was here.
And in this corner,
the challenger.
Go, go, go!
Woo-hoo! I mean, beep-beep.
Well, I think it's only
fair I get to name him.
"Coltrane, you were
with us only briefly"
Mom, I'm not sure God responds
to threats and intimidation.
In my day, mechanical men
had funnel heads
There he sits with
a pen and a yellow pad
Dad, it was so great.
They really need me
over at the nuclear "plank."
when Knock-A-Homer will try to
unseat five-time defending champion
ROBOT: Speeches cannot be
longer than 30 seconds.
There it is! The thing that
makes us respect Bart.
And if anything happens to me,
Business? What business?
My cats have a nasty habit
of waking up dead.
You're a good luck kitty.
we'll just call you Snowball ll
Aired 20 years ago - Jan 04, 2004
Bart is trying to watch "The Gator Baiter," when Lisa turns the channel to "Dollhouse Do-Overs." In their ensuing scuffle for the remote, the channel is changed to "Roofi," an entertainer that appeals to very small children. To get the TV back
Bart suggests that Marge buy Maggie a "Roofi" CD, which Lisa tries to warn him against. The warning doesn't work; Marge fills the house and family car with the sounds of "Roofi," which drives Homer, Bart and Lisa crazy. Marge takes Maggie to an outdoor "Roofi" concert being held at Cletus's farm. The concert turns into a disaster and the babies begin to riot. After paying $1 million in additional taxes to help pay for the damage the babies caused, the single (and other childless) adults of Springfield join SSCCATAGAPP (Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples And Teens And Gays Against Parasitic Parents) and begin to revolt against children. "Children are the future, today belongs to me." Marge takes up the cause on behalf of the children and works to get voter sponsored initiative proposition on the ballot. Marge forms PPASSCCATAG (Proud Parents Against Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples And Teens And Gays). The tobacco lobby tries to endorse Marge's cause, but she won't take their money; however, Mr. Burns signs her petition and others soon follow. Her "Families Come First" proposition #242 gets on the ballot. Homer's attempts to help Marge's initiative, but his kind of help might only hurt it. Bart and Lisa (well Lisa anyway) come up with a plan to get Marge's prop 242 passed. It seems the members of SSCCATAGAPP have no immunity against children.
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(BELL RINGING)
We all got tired of that
chalkboard years ago.
Her eyes aren't focused.
One show only. Tickets
will go fast, very fast.
Roofi he will show you how
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
You kidding me?
Did you make funny faces?
Ow! Okay, who threw that?
Who threw it?
Tyler, is there
a peaceful solution possible?
I hear ya. Some days are
tougher than others.
KENT: Baby's got backlash!
"hidee-hoo about no
legrification noways,"
Which will now be sucked out
of your pockets.
Singles Seniors
Childless Couples
Where the whole world doesn't
stop because a school bus did.
Tough tortellini!
Is that better?
Why don't you all fade away
From now on, children
acting up in public places
That's all? Just a statue?
Miss Naegle, I'm sorry to
surprise you like this.
for what I believe in.
I would be proud if one of the
eggs I sold turned out like you.
Not even with all my free time.
You won't get that
thing on the ballot
Not cinnamon.
Truly we have
entered a golden age.
PPASSCCATAG is also a
disease of the brainstem.
But I guess you get the bill?
The only petitions that I sign are
to bring back canceled sitcoms.
Now we own you!
Hey, if Burns is signing that
petition, maybe we should, too.
But first, Marge Simpson's
"Families Come First" initiative
(IMITATING MARGE)
I'm Marge Simpson,
Three.
I eat that sandwich.
You just leave
everything to Homer.
They live in fancy houses
in other places.
Aired 21 years ago - Dec 14, 2003
It's Christmastime and at the power plant Mr. Burns passes out Christmas bonuses, a $5 dollar voucher to the cafeteria. For reasons unknown, Mr. Burns gives Homer a "confectioner's card" for Bart featuring a "current baseballer." The "current
baseballer" is Joe DiMaggio and it is his rookie card that Homer brings to the Comic Book Guy, where he gets everything he has in the register for the card. With this financial windfall, the Simpson family goes Christmas shopping at the Springfield Heights Promenade, where the rich people shop. Homer spends the remaining portion of his share of the money for a gift for himself (a personalized talking astrolabe) and has no money left to buy the family a nice Christmas tree. Marge and the kids find out what he's spent the money on and are disappointed in him. Spending the night on the couch, Homer watches "Mr. McGrew's Christmas Carol" and the story works its magic on Homer, and Homer wakes with resolve to be good and unselfish. Homer starts helping the less fortunate and his good deeds begin to make Ned Flanders' jealous. To combat against Homer's good reputation, Ned decides to give everyone in Springfield a Christmas present. Homer decides to outdo Flanders, but on advice from Lisa and her Buddhist view of the world, Homer decides to take everyone's presents. Homer and SLH (a la the Grinch) sneak into everyone's home and take all of their presents. The angry mob finds Homer in downtown Springfield. Ned tries to come to Homer's rescue, but a "star" in the sky saves them both and they return the presents. After Moe's failed annual suicide attempt the whole town joins in a rendition of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing."
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I've smudged it with nacho fingers.
I must deftly lick it off.
That your grandmother loves
(GASPS) That's
the rich people's mall!
then we'll spend the rest of the
cash on a Christmas tree so large,
Um, we'll do that.
That thing for me!
ASTROLABE: Today is the birthday
of comedienne Margaret Cho.
Dad, I don't like the looks
of this neighborhood.
Cause we got a Christmas convoy,
ain't she a beautiful thing?
Gorgeous, huh?
And quite the bargain.
Homer, is there something
you're not telling us?
There's a trickledown
theory here.
jabbing at you just when
you seem the most content.
Santa was in an awful pickle.
Mr. McGrew? I love that
blind senile old man!
Woo-hoo.
Sorry, pardon me, ma'am.
McGrew, I am the Ghost
of Christmas Past.
Spirit, surely there is some
time to reform my selfish ways.
"Unloved by all?" No!
I just saw the greatest
cartoon of all time.
Reform, Ebenezer Urkel!
Yes. But this time
I'm sober-ish.
These pants smell worse
than my old pants.
Oh, wow,
it just stings a little.
(SOBBING)
But I'm afraid you're a
distant second this week.
I'm jealous of girls because
they get to wear dresses.
And here's another act of Christian
charity I pulled out of my butt.
Thank you.
who's holding families
at nice-point.
I'll rotate your tires! I'll
even fold up that map for you!
I said "man," not "man-God"!
Keep your pants on!
(SCREAMING)
What's that one
good American car?
I'll take away their presents!
They'll thank you in the morning
for stealing Flanders' junk
WOMAN: Some jerk
stole Christmas!
I wouldn't put it past him. He stole
my gold tooth the night he left.
by any governing body.
You're like wild.
Aired 21 years ago - Dec 07, 2003
Maggie is locked in the bathroom and is eventually freed when Lisa goes against the norm and tries their rescue solution as second time. Then the family hears the doorbell. They find Dr. Hibbert at the door; it seems that SLH had impregnated his
poodle and he is turn over the puppies to the Simpson family and making them their problem. Despite a book that says that Homer was taking Homer to have SLH neutered, Homer was never able to complete the deed. They distribute the puppies and Lisa and Bart stop by Krusty's house and give him one of the puppies. Krusty takes the dog for a walk and finds that his star is not included on the Jewish walk of fame. He goes to complain and finds out that he was never Bar Mitzvah, which means he is technically not Jewish. Bart and Lisa take Krusty to see his father, who agrees to help Krusty achieve his goal. As Saturday is the Sabbath, Krusty gets Homer to replace his show on that day. Homer's replacement show is a talk show, with Moe, Lenny & Carl as his guest panelists. The replacement show becomes a success; meanwhile Krusty works on learning his Jewish traditions. Homer's show has become so popular that the network decides to fire Krusty. Homer's incredibly popular and Lisa wants to put his power to good use. Krusty pitches the FOX network on a new show that covers his Bar Mitzvah. Meanwhile, Homer's attempt to start covering topics based on Lisa's suggestions, but it becomes a ratings nightmare resulting in his cancellation. Meanwhile, on FOX Krusty's Bar Mitzvah is a rating's bonanza, but the spectacle disappoints his father. Later at a real Jewish temple, Krusty has a real, almost serious, Bar Mitzvah.
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Let's dance the last dance
And don't just dump them all
off on some crazy lady.
No. But I'll take one!
Telemundo... Me...
Turned it down... ABC...
You could nuzzle me all night.
Brazilian wax! Get your velvety
smooth, Brazilian wax!
Okay, boy. Let's find my star.
Chaim Potok! What is he?
Some kind of Klingon?
Good, good. Circumcision?
Now see here! Do you know how much
I donate to the B'nai B'rith?
I just found out
I'm not Jewish.
We have so much to discuss.
What more can a man want?
Krusty, your dad's a rabbi. How could
you not have had a Bar Mitzvah?
It's because you're a puts.
Everything is a joke to you.
Her name is Rachel Cohen and
she just got into Brandeis.
(CHEERING)
Hey, that's great.
But I got a problem.
Such expensive flowers,
filled with remorse.
I need someone
who's not intelligent.
Children, I wish to announce that our
show has undergone a reformatting.
I'm your host, next card.
Theaters, airplanes?
Why even here! Look!
How about some
new oldies, geniuses?
Yeah, yeah, twins.
I get it. Now let's watch
Now you can't mix milk and meat.
You got that?
Listen, Homer,
I'd like to raise an issue.
That light's a little bright.
You think you can move it?
(SPEAKING HEBREW)
Oh, God! You're canceling me!
So did I, son.
And look where I am today.
Well, I took Bart's advice last
week, so I guess it's Lisa's turn.
Okay, how about you televise
my Bar Mitzvah? Live.
Yet the lMF insists on unrealistic
debt repayment schedules.
it's Krusty the Clown's
Wet 'N' Wild Bar Mitzvah!
put your hands together for
the Beach Boys Experience!
Now let's meet
a man who's muscle-bound
That's one way of putting it. Time
for me to get into character.
Aired 21 years ago - Nov 30, 2003
It is Mother's Day and Homer goes with the kids to Sprawl-Mart to buy Marge a better gift. They find Abe working there as a greeter and Lisa asks her aunts to help them pick out a gift. Patty and Selma recommend the Kitchen Carnival, which makes
food fun. Marge likes the gift, which can deep fry, make cotton candy and caramelize anything. Later that night, Homer creates an 85 lb. sugar ball and he seems to fall in love with his new creation. Marge insists that he get rid off of the ball, which he takes to the dump. At the dump he gets attacked by a bear. He returns home and finds that his attack was covered by the media. He's been labeled a coward and it begins to affect his life. Too combat his fear he needs to attack the bear that bested him, and he constructs a bear attack proof suit. Marge forbids him from using the suit, but he goes anyway. With help from Lenny, Carl, and Bart, Homer goes out into the woods in search of the bear. Of course when he actually encounters the bear, he is without the suit. The bear takes Homer to his cave and Homer removes the tag from the bear that was causing it discomfort. He bonds with the bear and tries to keep it from being hunted. He lends the bear his bear proof suit and it helps to get him to the wildlife sanctuary, where the bear is free to be attacked by other animals.
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Apparently,
we're not "TV pretty."
I feel like a secretary on
Administrative Professionals Day!
Kitchen Carnival! I love it!
Thank you, Homie.
His passenger is just
a big piece of candy.
(SOBBING) I was saving sugar
for my wedding night!
Maybe you're right, Marge. Or maybe
you're right, Candy Ball. No, Marge!
Goodbye, old friend.
Homie, what happened to you?
That sound can mean
only one thing.
But you didn't
see that on tape.
Not with a gun,
but with a camera!
than some dead hero any day.
Hey, Simpson, I heard your dad's afraid
of a little, old, giant grizzly bear.
Hello? Anyone home?
Oh, Goldilocks.
(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) Ahhh!
Here's what you gotta do.
Mr. Simpson, if you want to find that
bear that attacked you, use this.
The bull grizzly is seven feet tall,
weighs more than a Mazda Miata
Risin' up to the challenge
of our rival And the...
The Bear Buster 5000!
Check it out, ladies. A suit that makes me
completely invulnerable to bear attacks.
That's the whole
point of Moby Dick.
for reasons that are
confusing even to him.
Lisa, I think your
father just left!
That man and his foolish pride.
We've gotta go follow him.
I never realized
how hot this suit is.
Yeah. We borrowed
'em for the radio.
Mr. Connor, thank you for
helping find my husband.
Ma'am, I will find your husband
before that bear kills him.
I guess this is it. If I'm gonna
die, I'm gonna die a man.
Jeez, I don't know why bear hugs
enjoy such a great reputation.
I got you babe, I got you babe
Well, I'm gonna make sure it never
harms another living creature!
Aired 21 years ago - Nov 23, 2003
Mr. Burns uses his ATM card and gets a $1000 bill. It hits him in the chest and then blows away, right across town and into the Simpson living room window, where Bart gets a hold of it. His parents (well Marge anyway) make him put up a notice so
that the owner might have a chance to claim the bill. When no one can identify the bill, Bart wonders what he can do with his new windfall. He realizes that he can make money showing off his bill, so he opens up the "Museum of Modern Bart" in his tree house. Mr. Burns makes his claim for the bill, but all is not lost. Bart has made over $3000 in admissions to his museum. To make use of the money the family decides to go to England, where Abe recalls having a memorable night with a beautiful English girl named Edwina. In merry ole England, the Simpsons meet Prime Minister Tony Blair. Abe tries to find Edwina, meanwhile the rest of the family tours London. Everything is going fine until Homer slams his rental Mini into the back of the Queen's horse drawn carriage. Homer is put on trial, makes an ass out of himself in court and is thrown into the Tower of London. Lisa finds a way for Homer to escape his tower cell, a secret tunnel once used by Sir Walter Raleigh. Unfortunately the tunnel leads to the Queen's bedroom. Homer's pathetic plea with the Queen works and the family is allowed to leave the country, provided they take Madonna with them. Before boarding the plane, Edwina calls out to Abe, and introduces him to her daughter of 58 years, Abbie, a woman who looks like Homer in drag. Abe runs on board the plane as fast as he can.
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No, it doesn't.
(SINGING) It's Bart's moon
party from outer space
Well, someday I'd like
to go on a nice vacation.
I want to see it some more.
They deserve to see
the boy behind the bill.
A subscription to
BARTFORUM Magazine,
When the errant bill struck my
chest, it left a distinctive bruise.
The Hard Rock Cafe in
Phoenix has better crap.
Bart, I don't care
what Mom said.
I wanna go to England.
How come?
I'll never forget you, Edwina!
You have my word
as a gentleman and a lady.
Why are you greeting lowlifes
like us at the airport?
There's so much to see here.
Parliament, Stratford-on-Avon,
I'm greeting a lovely Dutch
couple at Gate 23. Cheerio.
I had already hired this
cab when you got in.
So give me some free maps and
none of that dry British wit!
And was he a gentle,
caring lover?
Fish? I don't know. I'm
not really a vegetarian.
Well, Marge. You gotta admit, I've
been on my best behavior this trip.
Homie, I don't think we'll be able
to find the kids from up here.
We thespians believe it's bad
luck to mention the name of this
Ah! Now I've said it!
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a performance to give.
Yes, this trip is
entirely uneventful.
Oh, that thing is
supposed to be on fire.
(CRYING OUT IN PAIN)
Be they homecoming or dairy.
Why did you let him
be his own barrister?
You understand these things.
You're a grandmother.
my family torn by tragedy,
If there is any love
left in you for me,
(BIRD CAWING)
you couldn't know
which nags to focus on.
In return, I will spell the
word "color" with a "U."
Won't that get me
in more trouble?
Aired 21 years ago - Nov 16, 2003
It's Vegas night at Springfield Elementary, where Martin is school class president, and the event is quite a success. Homer wins big and wants his $200,000; but when he and everyone else find out they aren't going to win any real money, there is a
riot and Martin is forced to resign. Lisa runs against Nelson for class president. Lisa struggles to fight against Nelson's popularity, she of course all about the issues, while he isn't. Lisa sings her way into popularity that helps her win the vote. The administration is worried about having a popular president, whom is also smart. They start giving her distractions to keep her from knowing about their plans to remove the music, gym and art programs. Lisa is identified as a sellout, but as her last act as president, she gets all the students to go on strike. After several days, Chalmers wants action and he gets Skinner to transfer Lisa to a school for the gifted and troublesome. While it's Lisa's dream to go there, Homer isn't going to pay for it. Lisa returns to Springfield Elementary, where the programs have been restored thanks to the cancellation of flu shots and the selling of loose cigarettes.
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you're going to have
to resign as president.
Hey, student body president!
(ALL CHEERING)
Why don't you start a rumor that
he's ding-a-ling-a-ling, hello!
Honey, you could be popular.
You've just gotta be yourself
Yo, everyone, it's me, Nelson!
I've polished an apple or two
Don't vote for me
kids of Springfield
Vote Lisa!
Vote Lisa! Vote Lisa!
Yeah. The students
will do anything she says.
Well, if you ask me, a woman's
weakness is her sense of vanity.
Actually, Lisa,
I wanted you to see you.
I may be the new girl
But you can't brainwash me
Nails, dimples ears, scrunchie
Has made me a super tween
Then I'd have nice things.
It'll either be a picture of you or the
drinking fountain that won't stop running.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Well, I have some ideas for ways we
can improve the classroom experience.
so kids can call them
whenever they have questions.
"Move the brush
fire hazard needle"?
I'm proud to present you with an
official key to the study hall.
You're like Geraldine Ferraro. Except
you won where she failed miserably.
I was being sarcastic.
Say goodbye to
music gym and art
My stomach is filled
with haggis and hurt
A perfect day to unveil
Operation S. L.A.A.A.M.
They've taken everything.
Oh, no.
(LAUGHS)
"and approved by Student Body
President Lisa Simpson!"
Look, they're taking
away the art room!
But a tango takes two
With the band gone, how
will I know who to beat up?
just so they could exploit
me and ruin my good name.
(MIMICKING ELVIS PRESLEY) Hey, baby, come here.
I want to kiss you.
And not a good place mat. It's
from someplace called "Doodles."
Any student caught striking will be severely
disciplined unless all of you do it.
Principal Skinner, I will not call off this
strike until you bring back music and art!
Principal Skinner, can't you
just reinstate those programs?
Remember, boys.
These are little kids.
Sit down, boys! We're
joining this strike!
Today professional buttinski Michael
Moore arrived on the scene.
Ow.
Aired 21 years ago - Nov 09, 2003
Homer learns of his mother's whereabouts, through clues that she leaves in the newspaper. When Mother Simpson returns to Springfield, she is quickly recognized by police and Mr. Burns, and is taken to court over her germ warefare sabotage from the
60s. With help from Homer, she is acquitted, but when she reveals that she used false names when visiting national parks, she is booked on forgery charges. Homer carjacks a bus and tries to help her escape, but, not wanting her son involved, she kicks Homer out of the bus and drives off. When the bus crashes, Mother Simpson is feared dead. But another subliminal newpaper message reveals otherwise. Guest stars Tom Kenny and Glenn Close.
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There's money on the counter. No tip.
And you made NASCAR racing exciting.
Check it out! I finally found
a dead guy's clothes that fits me!
But I am not a Grim Reaper...
Ok. Who am I giving the finger to today?
NO!
It's Patty. Chump!
Sir, I'm honored to inform you
that you've won the Nobel Prize.
Great glavin in a glass! (gibberish) The Nobel Prize!
Well, our relationship was never great.
and slept with Marilyn Monroe by night
With the rolling and the heaving,
and the... you make me sick!
Maybe, I can help you two patch up your differences.
I could reanimate him, without the needless switching of tools.
where my belly should be.
Some kind of a tin-can man from planet tomorrow?
Well I did finish first in the
walk for the cure, of homosexuality!
- The people like killed?
- No! Your son!
Comic book guy's ass won't fit in couch.
She's the sexy star of Alias.
Winner of the Nobel Prize in Physics. Professor John Frink.
I'm here to accept the Nobel Prize for stupid.
The science, the love, and the physics
we called quantum. Ain't that right? People?
Muffins are suprisingly high in calories.
The pyramids were actually built by Sears.
Yes, but, how? He is 63 years old.
Pressure point here and here.
to know that's a bad idea.
This is the most exciting nobel prize ceremony ever!
I maybe a soul, but I'm hungry.
Stop the World I Want to
GOOF OFF
If we both touching the watch,
neither of us will be affected.
We can do anything we want!
mayors... have... been...
repeatedly...humiliated.
Come, let us kill them before learning of
the magical secret which they possess!
- And no one would stop us.
- I'm gonna play naked basketball.
Aired 21 years ago - Nov 02, 2003
"Reaper Madness" - Death becomes Homer and our hero must learn to reap what he sows (and pull a fast one on the almighty).
"Frinkenstein" - Soon to be Nobel-prize winning Professor Frink reanimates his father for some gruesome body parts-swapping.
"Stop the World, I Want to Goof Off" - A parody of Clockstoppers, starring Bart and Milhouse.
If I knew this would take so long, I'd put on a TV.
Clearing away the oldies and the sickies and the chokies.
This robe is pretty soft.
- Dad! You've become the new Grim Reaper.
- No way, forget it.
Never mind. I'm death now.
Would anyone like to see Mr. Simpson harvest a soul?
Pardon me. Coming through. Rest in peace.
You're dead. Take a dirt nap. Meet the worms.
Now release me from this ghastly vocation.
This isn't Marge. This is her fat sister. Selma.
- Tack fÃ♪r att ni fÃ♪rärar vĺr stad. (Swedish)
- Jumpy Jiminy!
I only wish my dear father were here to see me win.
I was always a disappointment to him.
You see, he was one of those Heman scientists
I get seesick taking a shower! Clean, but nauseous!
- We never spoke again.
- Well, where is he now?
Except you have no penis.
I'm getting me a real spleen and
then I'm gonna vent it on you boy, chick.
Hey, Hey, 700 Club, you look like a healthy specimen.
Confucious? And Milton Berle?
Boy I have been barking up the wrong tree!
Stockholm, Sweden
- that my father has become a (moronic golem?).
- Not any more, son!
You all have such big hearts and
such big brains with large juicy
dripping with knowledge heads!
Every brain unlocks more secrets of the universe.
I'm proud of you. And now it's time
for me go to Hell...
and lose your father on the same day.
Well, of course father, that'll make
too sense by your brain desire.
If you like space in the attic, aren't you gonna be happy.
To restart time, click watch again.
Wait till the other kids see we're already
on the RED unit of Adventures In Reading.
Ah, my slacks...
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so I covered the meeting hall with ultraviolet powder.
- Oh, that was close.
- Bart, look at the watch!