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Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

S3 E13
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Ended
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Netflix
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Season 3  "Kimmy Bites an Onion!"  3x13

Aired 7 years ago - May 19, 2017

Kimmy decides to become a crossing guard. Buoyed by the success of "Boobs in California," Titus tries to win back Mikey with help from Jacqueline.

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Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 1
Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 2
I get there before the cops
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 3
Something insane happened while I was accidentally
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 4
Well, I can't just sit here
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 5
You owe Titus half of everything you made on "Boobs and California."
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 6
by the same lawyers who did Mrs. Claus' prenup.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 7
Hall was nothing without Oates.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 8
Husky children.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 9
Then how do you zip or button it?
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 10
who died after falling from a tree they were both climbing.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 11
Bunker!
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 12
to keep the party tunes coming.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 13
Number one killer of Desirees.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 14
just to watch you die.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 15
Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 16
while enjoying a bank lollipop.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 17
Mm!
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 18
I can't control anything in this life.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 19
[bright music]
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 20
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 21
Oh, uh, Andrew,
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 22
We've been to condominiums and such.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 23
[shakily] Unlimited?
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 24
Well, you're gonna have to pass the test.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 25
"Which is most dangerous to pedestrians?
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 26
One hundred percent! Out of what?
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 27
Jacqueline! [chuckles]
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 28
even though I was raised Mennonite, yo!
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 29
Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 30
Up here, you'll be something that Andrew could never be:
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 31
♪ Oh, Lord, to tell you What you should be ♪
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 32
♪ I'll die with a stop sign in my fist ♪
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 33
Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 34
Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 35
to a registered sex offender in Indiana, are you?
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 36
♪ Champ ♪
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 37
♪ Lovin' California ♪
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 38
No, no, no, no, no! Stop it, Mikey!
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 39
Why do you think I'm up here singing this stupid song
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 40
Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 41
But as Gordy is my witness,
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 42
Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 43
Fudging onions.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 44
I was kind of counting on you to--
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 45
[Titus panting]
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 46
So forget this stupid test and whatever
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 47
I'm-- I'm waiting for her.
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 48
[tires squealing]
 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 49
Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 50

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 2
I get there before the cops
#2 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 3
Something insane happened while I was accidentally
#3 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 4
Well, I can't just sit here
#4 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 5
You owe Titus half of everything you made on "Boobs and California."
#5 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 6
by the same lawyers who did Mrs. Claus' prenup.
#6 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 7
Hall was nothing without Oates.
#7 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 8
Husky children.
#8 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 9
Then how do you zip or button it?
#9 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 10
who died after falling from a tree they were both climbing.
#10 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 11
Bunker!
#11 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 12
to keep the party tunes coming.
#12 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 13
Number one killer of Desirees.
#13 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 14
just to watch you die.
#14 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 15 #15 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 16
while enjoying a bank lollipop.
#16 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 17
Mm!
#17 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 18
I can't control anything in this life.
#18 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 19
[bright music]
#19 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 20
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
#20 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 21
Oh, uh, Andrew,
#21 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 22
We've been to condominiums and such.
#22 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 23
[shakily] Unlimited?
#23 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 24
Well, you're gonna have to pass the test.
#24 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 25
"Which is most dangerous to pedestrians?
#25 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 26
One hundred percent! Out of what?
#26 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 27
Jacqueline! [chuckles]
#27 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 28
even though I was raised Mennonite, yo!
#28 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 29 #29 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 30
Up here, you'll be something that Andrew could never be:
#30 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 31
♪ Oh, Lord, to tell you What you should be ♪
#31 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 32
♪ I'll die with a stop sign in my fist ♪
#32 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 33 #33 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 34 #34 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 35
to a registered sex offender in Indiana, are you?
#35 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 36
♪ Champ ♪
#36 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 37
♪ Lovin' California ♪
#37 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 38
No, no, no, no, no! Stop it, Mikey!
#38 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 39
Why do you think I'm up here singing this stupid song
#39 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 40 #40 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 41
But as Gordy is my witness,
#41 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 42 #42 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 43
Fudging onions.
#43 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 44
I was kind of counting on you to--
#44 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 45
[Titus panting]
#45 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 46
So forget this stupid test and whatever
#46 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 47
I'm-- I'm waiting for her.
#47 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 48
[tires squealing]
#48 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 49 #49 Recap of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 3 Episode 13 (S03E13) - 50 #50