Status
Continuing
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in 8 days
Airs
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 4

Aired 4 years ago - May 22, 2013

Everyone flies down to Florida to be with Phil after his mom's passing. Claire helps Phil with Gracie's last wish for Frank, and the kids reflect on the gifts grandma left for them. Gloria has to contend with an outstanding arrest warrant in Florida, Cam finds himself fitting right into an elderly women's group at Frank's retirement community, and Jay runs into a pivotal person from his past. MORE -LESS

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 24 (S04E24) - 1
- I said, why don't you and that... - That book get a room, yeah.
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"who looked a little like Heather Locklear, only with bigger jugs,"
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Really?
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"Zanzibar knew he couldn't control his space horniness any longer,"
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Hey, if you ask daddy, he might even give you some money to do it yourself.
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You're putting me in a real awkward position here.
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Oh, damn you, Chris! Look what you've done!
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 24 (S04E24) - 9
So, computer, what are you thinking about right now?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 24 (S04E24) - 10
you could loan me $7 billion to publish it.
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I look forward to having a raging semi!
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Well, then we are on two different wavelengths.
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"or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish," by Peter Griffin.
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Wow! You know, from the other side, that's kind of annoying.
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Mr. Pewterschmidt, I'm Scott Greenberg, attorney at law.
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Your fat bastard husband ruined me!
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Look, you can stay with us if you want, you filthy hobo.
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Hi, i'm Julia Roberts.
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You right, Lois. Who the hell am I kidding? I can't live like this.
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Well, that's the end of Puss.
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is preparing to begin the floor routine.
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It's what us regular people do.
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So don't try to deny it, pretty baby
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maybe being a regular person does suck.
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and I'm looking for the son of a bitch responsible.
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You sure this is going to work, Peter?
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Why can't I eat it now?
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I promised myself that I'd save it for the man that I marry.
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I do res... I totally respect you.
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- He's that kind of... - No, forget it, forget it.
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I don't see that happening.
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I'll probably just cancel it before you can use it, so...
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- Thank you... I guess. - Yeah.
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Oh, yeah, what, uh, just a week ago, I think.
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A fate worse than death.
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- We own half of CNN. - He-hey!
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because money just complicates everything.
Aired 4 years ago - May 15, 2013

Phil gets a new RV for a fun family road trip. Jay and Gloria search for Manny's backpack. Lily's gymnastics meet brings out Cam and Mitch's competitive spirit.

Aired 4 years ago - May 08, 2013

Mitch's ex-boyfriend, a personable and successful doctor, invites the whole family to a fundraising event at a roller rink; Phil teaches Gloria how to skate; Haley helps Alex talk to boys.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 22 (S04E22) - 1
- One that makes you half a man - You're half a man
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You make a small incision in the
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When you do it with your wife
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And it's like why do you wear that if you don't want attention?
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Like, ridiculously huge for someone who has to talk about that kind of stuff
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A bunch of the guys on the force have had vasectomies,
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I don't know, Cleveland. It didn't work out so great that time I froze my nuts.
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It might be stuck to a tree or a rock.
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Yeah. Uh, I kind of, uh, warmed myself up in the car, if you catch my drift.
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I think I feel them moving.
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It's a boy!
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seeing as how I'm not a real man anymore.
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I got to go meet Cleveland, Joe and Quagmire down at...
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You, did you get me my Cheese Whiz, boy?
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Oh, that was a tricky one.
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Bertram! I haven't seen you since our microscopic encounter.
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So be it. I'll do to you what B.C. does to comedy on a daily basis.
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I'm just gonna grab something, too, and go back to bed.
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She's got elbow cleavage.
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Do it again, Griffin.
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It's five pounds at the most. It's not a big deal.
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He wants fat?
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Behold the armada!
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Unleash hell.
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What took you so ugly?
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- On television? - Yes.
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What's this?
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- Come on, we got to get you out of here. - No.
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A couple more oatmeal baths and you'll be all better.
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Well, kids, just when I thought we'd never find and assistant coach,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 22 (S04E22) - 40
This Friday on TNT, the world premiere of Morgan Freeman in
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 22 (S04E22) - 41
Why, even right now, I'm just sitting in a chair
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No, I haven't. Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her.
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- Ow! Lois, that hurts! - Peter, if you'll just stop for one second...
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Lois, last night was amazing!
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You've got the best Spike Lee stories.
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It will please me.
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You have an annoying habit of turning up where you're not welcome.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 22 (S04E22) - 49
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Aired 4 years ago - May 01, 2013

Phil is jazzed to share the wonders of residential real estate with Luke and Manny's classmates for career day. Gloria challenges Jay's claims of always wanting to become a novelist. Mitch and Cam make a costly mistake while executing tooth fairy duties.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 1
and I've never heard you mention anything about writing.
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- What? No way! - Oh, that's so exciting!
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- What? Okay. - Wow. Look at that.
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is criticizing someone who made an honest mistake
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and I no longer have to carry crayons in my front pocket.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 6
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Athens and Sparta, Kerrigan and Harding,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 8
Instead, I'd like you to watch as I converse with a young man
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 9
Real estate? Isn't that just buying and selling houses?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 10
- I put a "Spanish" couple into a Spanish home. - Gil.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 11
And I have a very funny story, actually.
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Gil pickles.
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Thank you, Mr. Thorpe.
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Uh, what that means is I actually have
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 17
But when my kids came along, I just wanted to be there.
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No. I-I didn't win.
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Oh, so there was no one at home to teach you not to interrupt?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 20
All right! All right!
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and told them that you can't come in
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You're gonna be long gone by then.
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Well, um, thanks for rescuing me in there.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 24
Are you offering me a job?
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- Yeah. Yeah. Take your time. No pressure. - Okay.
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Really? I don't get much mail.
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See, "dear Lily, I'm writing because I made a mistake
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 28
Uh, well, it sounds like she's really in a jam.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 29
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"I mean, what's the point of t-t-t-t-t-t-t?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 32
Are you kidding? What's your last name?!
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 33
I can't be the only one who gets hungry in there!
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 34
I think Claire's going through some pretty dark stuff,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 35
I'm racking my brain for a compliment here.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 36
"Chuck Stone smiled and lit a cigarette,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 37
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- Let's do this. - All right.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 39
Are you really the tooth fairy?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 40
Is this about the money again?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 41
Why did you lie? You said lying was wrong.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 42
- Yes. - Don't you?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 43
You've got a hundred dollars.
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- Why? - I'd rather not say.
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I'm just messing with ya.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 46
This was between us. You don't bring family into it.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 47
You know what? We're gonna tell your mom
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 48
How was your first day of writing?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 49
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 21 (S04E21) - 50
Just... there were no cell phones in 1965.
Aired 4 years ago - Apr 10, 2013

Phil gets desperate when Cam and Claire's flipped house is more difficult to sell than expected; Javier brings his new girlfriend along to visit Manny.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 1
Yeah, well, um, here's a suggestion. Um...
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 2
- Uh, how's everything else going? - Good.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 3
Huh.
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Boy, imagine what it would be like to be a big shot.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 5
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You've got till 5:00, you hear me? You got till 5:00.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 9
- Hey, Peter Griffin, is that you? - Hey, Mike, long time no see.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 10
Oh man, I got to tell you, you kick ass, man.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 11
Peter, I know you're humiliated, but getting drunk is not the answer.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 12
I've never a seen a guy your size who could move like that.
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Our top story tonight, we go live to terrific haircut Bob Costas,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 14
What do you think of that?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 15
He's, uh...
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 16
Diane, didn't your first husband blow his brains out?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 17
Oh, I am so happy for you, Peter.
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110%. Huh? Come on, let's go. Let's go. Good game!
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Yeah. Yeah. How-How much you pay for that fake moustache?
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Well, that's not gonna come out. You better take a shower.
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I say, what the devil is all the fuss about? I don't get it.
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We're just a couple of guys messing around. That's what we are.
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you'll be driving your new Hyundai or Subaru right to a touchdown.
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I don't know, Chris. And I'm starting to get worried.
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Where the hell is Griffin? It's almost time for kickoff.
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Griffin, I'm getting really tired of your cocky attitude.
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Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi
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Si, la, so, fa, mi, re, do
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Look at her now, she's a go-gal. Who only goes for me
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But you can win her yet
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You can win her...
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And the only one that'll take you,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 41
You shot me in both my knees then lit me on fire.
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Peter, this is crazy.
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I'm the quarterback, Lesley. This is our team.
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All this will I do If you'll marry me.
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All right, well, where is she? 'Cause I need her now!
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It, too, is called condensation.
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Look, Peter, I know you're upset
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And we'll challenge the Patriots to a game,
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I'm calling to challenge you to a grudge match
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 20 (S04E20) - 50
Aired 4 years ago - Apr 03, 2013

At the hospital Claire and Phil see the older version of their family; Mitchell and Cameron plan a day for Lily and Gloria; Manny and Jay go to a private school to look around.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 19 (S04E19) - 1
- I'll see you, honey. I'll be back in a... - Joe, are you all right?
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- You need to get out of the house. - I don't know. I'm a little depressed.
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Listen, Sarah. I can't be in your club. I'm not a lesbian.
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Do you have any other friends to invite to your party?
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Sunshine Bear! Wait!
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That you don't have that blue vein up there that some of the bigger ones get.
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Excuse me. I got a thing to do.
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It was amazing. I got to tell you, he said some things that were exactly what I needed to hear
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I feel more exhilarated than Peter did when he swam with the bulls.
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Brian, when you wear that suit, it looks like you're taking a white poop. But it stuck.
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Then they can say, "I'm not going to pick up those cards. "
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Whoa, easy, kid. These people paid good money to get in here.
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- Figure it out for yourself. - We're freezing our asses off over here.
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- I can't hear you over my central heating. - Go to hell!
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- What is this, Lois? - It's jambalaya. It's a new recipe.
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Peter! You know, some people would be very happy to have this food.
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Happy Thanksgiving.
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Peter! Meg, you are not a lesbian.
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Oh, yeah. He's... He was right here, right next to me, like, four hours ago.
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Here's where the story gets fun. You may have noticed I'm missing an ear.
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- My ear's in a cup. I guess that doesn't count. - I'm not his baby-sitter. I have my own life.
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Don't worry. I don't need to go to the hospital. I'll just use this Mr Potato Head piece.
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I just want to apolo... You know what? Forget it. I don't need this. I'm outta here.
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So just Pay It Forward and we'll all be Happy Gilmore.
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Come on, Meg, you can stop the charade.
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I went into a store last week and they wanted 800 bucks for a TV,
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And sometimes I open the back part and pee there, so when you flush, pee come out.
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I could do without the Triscuits, but they sure are good.
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I hope it's OK if I pay you in pennies.
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Is that why you've been on this path to self-destruction?
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Well, no wonder, Faith. That's not baking powder. It's sneezing powder.
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- Hey, Meg. What are you doing here? - Sarah, I gotta get something off my chest.
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What? So all those rounds of golf we played, those were all lies?
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That was awful. That was just awful. What do you think, Mark?
Aired 4 years ago - Mar 27, 2013

Claire and Cam bring in a third party (Wendi McLendon-Covey) when they reach an impasse on a landscaping decision; Phil teaches basic fix-it skills to the kids; Mitch helps Lily with a bully.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 18 (S04E18) - 1
it will be "numero uno."
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because of all the attention I give Joe?
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and we both have a special day?
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Hey, maybe she can take you.
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Next!
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No switcheroos. Are you playing or not?
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Well, I'm really good, too.
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- Mm... - What is the one thing this backyard is missing?
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Like we need a white tiger.
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You just throw numbers at me to frighten and confuse me.
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You know what? I will not stand here
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and it was great... for about 20 minutes.
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- How you doin'? - Couldn't be better.
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- So nice to see you. - Nice seeing you.
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and today, that tradition continues.
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You might find yourselves living alone at some point.
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Oh, my God, we're literally in a closet,
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That's odd. Why is it not working?
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and a fellow gay parent at Lily's school.
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- You, too. - Pam is a licensed contractor.
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Thank you.
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Here-- just go ahead. Attaboy.
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get me a T6 torx screwdriver.
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Dad, help me.
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that you were a pretty good handball player back in the day.
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I tried to put him in his place on the handball court,
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But you know what? It's gonna more than make up for itself
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Are you kidding? What are you, like, 35?
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Um, okay, well, you know, Pam,
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to having a little drama in the backyard.
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I'm not, but I am enjoying this little show tremendously,
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Hey, isn't that Joe over there?
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She's not a stranger. She's Claire's friend.
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or some rust, and you're done for.
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Oh, the old thumb. That's simple.
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No, your mom's a little tired of hearing how pretty Claire is.
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Okay, you're just screaming now.
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And I'll be the happiest father in sector 7...
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 18 (S04E18) - 45
Nice try.
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Joe was asleep. He didn't even know he missed the puppet show.
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and they have tons of tickets for tomorrow's show.
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Fine. I lied, but I earned that lie.
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you get what you give.
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Hello, one of Lily's dads.
Aired 4 years ago - Feb 27, 2013

Mitch and Cam's friend Sal announces she's getting married the next day and they are in the wedding; Gloria doesn't trust her new nanny; Claire bonds with Haley; Phil helps Luke with a girl.

Aired 4 years ago - Feb 20, 2013

Things get awkward when Phil shows up at Claire's college reunion; Jay is fixated on winning a big bowling tournament; a wig malfunction during an elaborate photo shoot with Joe leads to unfortunate results.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 16 (S04E16) - 1
That's how I won friends when I worked for E!.
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Brown-nose? All right. I'll do something special for her.
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Oh, boy.
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Stewie's really been acting out a lot at home and I was just wondering,
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- Exactly. - Peter's been preoccupied with work lately.
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- What happens to us in the future? - It's your kids. Something's gotta be done.
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- Yeah. I mean, what's wrong with that? - Nothing. It's nothing, I guess.
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It seems your son's baseball broke one of my windows the other day.
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Until you pay off the debt, you'll do whateverjob he wants you to.
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All peoples must go through hard times. We Jews are getting ours out of the way early.
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I wanted to tell you Opie will not be receiving employee of the month. He's being promoted.
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- We need to talk about your son. - The fat one or the funny-looking one?
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OK. You can make a box fort. See? Here's a box. You can pretend it's a fort.
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Hey, remember those hot homeless twins who live under the overpass? Last night...
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Let me tell you, Tuesday afternoon is not exactly their A squad. I saw bullet wounds.
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Maybe next year, OK? I'll see you Friday night. Tell your mother I sent the cheque.
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That rice got you, bitch.
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See if she's got any cash on her.
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- I hope she can get out. - I'm sure she'll be fine.
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Sounded like a peeptoad, but it's not summer.
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- Stewie, you're going to your room. - I think not. Dad's got my back.
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Sorry, Brian. It's just not doing it today.
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Get out of here, you spineless oaf. And by the way, I faked all those bowel movements.
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I know you're mad, but when you see where I'm taking you, you'll change your mind.
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I'm still mad at you.
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Oh, my God, he's gone. Has anyone seen my son? Hello?
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Well, well. A lost child. Looks like we've got a new recruit.
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You're free. Run back to your individual countries of origin.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 16 (S04E16) - 50
Aired 4 years ago - Feb 13, 2013

Claire and Phil's Valentine's Day romp ends with Claire in the hospital; Jay and Gloria's attempts at romance are interrupted by the kids; after hosting a wild party, Cam and Mitch are left with hangovers and a new housemate.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 15 (S04E15) - 1
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- This is Brian, our newest contributor. - Hi, there. How's it going?
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I'm sorry?
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- Where are the toilets? - No one at The New Yorker has an anus.
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- Lance, I told you to fix that chair. - I checked it earlier. It seems fine.
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Cleveland's right. It seems it's our destiny to be the A-Team after all.
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If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 15 (S04E15) - 8
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You went to Harvard? I'm an Ivy-League man myself. I went to Brown.
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It didn't work out too well for Kristy McNichol, but then again, nothing did.
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but, it's just not working out and we've decided to go another way, so...
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 15 (S04E15) - 14
Boy, not graduating from college has haunted me for years.
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Hi, I'm your roommate Caleb. I like cutting myself.
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and we need money for books and highlighters
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- Stewie, you want more strained peas? - What you talkin' 'bout, vile woman?
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This is advanced physics, right?
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Statistics indicate that both of those men will rape you.
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Now, Louie Anderson, our first test is Friday,
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Don't you worry, sad little girl. The A-Team'll get your beloved kitty down. Ready, boys?
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We're the A-Team.
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It's an MC Escher drawing. I think it's called Crazy Stairs.
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I am so all about Ultimate Frisbee.
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I graded your assignments.
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May I borrow your pen?
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You know, I haven't taken a shower since we got here. I totally reek, man. Check this out.
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Oh, no, I take Stewie there all the time, don't I, sweetie?
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Well, all right. Make sure you practise safe sex, Meg.
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Dammit, Steve, you forgot to put out the cheese and crackers.
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before you came along I was so depressed I was planning to kill myself.
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You were supposed to get potato chips, you jackass.
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- Oh, baby. - I thought about this all day.
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Only way I'll pass is if I cheat. If I do, what was the point of coming back to college?
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We'll probably shoot the ground around you to make you scared.
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Messed his neck up, he's got partial numbness, he's just not the same guy.
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Well, you got a lot of work to do. We should get out of your hair.
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- We're a terrible A-Team. - The problem is we didn't stay focused.
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Is it a problem if your penis and your vagina touch?
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I couldn't do it. I thought I'd be able to finish this time,
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- Hey, what's in this closet? - What are you doing?
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Stop! Stop it! Stop it! It's scaring me!
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 15 (S04E15) - 50
Aired 4 years ago - Feb 06, 2013

When the lead in the school's production of "Phantom of the Opera" gets sick, Manny is willing to do anything to land the lead; Phil and Jay wind up in a golf-off with Mitch and Pepper; Gloria and Alex visit a psychic.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 14 (S04E14) - 1
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Meg sucks. Everything she does is so freaking terrible and depressing.
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I'm just telling for your own benefit. I'm very aware that I'm watching a play right now.
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- You like eating red carpet, tough guy? - Yes.
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- I hear there's one on vacuuming. - Really? That sounds interesting...
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Man, this sucks worse than my 16th birthday party.
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Our top story, beloved entertainer Bob Hope
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 14 (S04E14) - 12
when a "trouser malfunction" caused him to expose his testicles.
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Yeah, it's done.
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Sir, what course of action do you recommend regarding the Hyde Pierce incident?
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What? Why are they blocking out all the good stuff?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 14 (S04E14) - 17
I'll stimulate the economy by buying an American car.
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Well, Peter, I'm flattered you came to me for help. We'll have more after this.
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I bought a giant, life-size slingshot from you. Itjust slammed me into a mountain.
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but I'm not supposed to tell Mom because she'll just bitch him out.
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like in All in the Family, where Archie got the Jeffersons to move.
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- Good night, Jim Bob. - Good night, Pa.
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Peter, look at these numbers. We're a hit. I'd think about expanding your programming.
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a wonderful look back on all the partial nudity network television used to offer.
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You gotta be careful about what you put on your network.
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Don't worry. I got a bunch of great new shows lined up.
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You cheeky bastard.
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We'll find out where. Giggety giggety, giggety goo. Stick around.
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Responsibility lies with the parents.
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Soap's right there next to the radio, and towels are on the roof.
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- I dared him. - All right. Here we go.
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Turn off the windshield wipers. They don't work. They're making it worse.
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They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a piss
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They're as stuffy as the stuffiest of special-interest groups
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And if you find yourself with some young, sexy thing
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I can think of quite another place they should have stuck it first
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 14 (S04E14) - 39
but I'm here to tell you that as of today, PTV is shut down.
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- What are you doing? - Censoring real life.
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Before I start playing, I'm gonna eat this whole sandwich.
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I'll finish it later.
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What? Now I can't say... in my own... house?
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the world wouldn't have some of its most inspired creations.
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- I'm Officer Reeses. What happened here? - He got peanut butter on my chocolate.
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Whoa. Those actions are highly inappropriate.
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Aired 4 years ago - Jan 23, 2013

When Gloria's mother and sister visit, they bring traditions, baby names and family baggage; Phil helps the kids with their problems; Mitchell and Cameron try to correct Lily's bad habits.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 13 (S04E13) - 1
Anyhoo, uh, your balloons are co-- Damn it!
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- Okay, never mind. - No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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she cursed a blue streak and got our money back?
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Oh, hey, Reuben,
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but she already has a camper and a cord of wood there.
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for drinking all those little waters.
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and yell at all these people and burn a bunch of bridges?
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- I'll try her cell. - It's off.
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It's the dressing gown for Fulgencio's christening.
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In America, it's not real common to hear the name Fuljencio.
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Nah. We can act like everything is fine for the family,
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I sure do love the cross you got me.
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She likes to keep busy. But I feel bad for her.
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No, no.
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You just strapped on those high heels
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I don't know if you've seen his new look,
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Well... consider me reminded.
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"Too many RSVPs. Have to make cuts to party.
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Hey, kids. How was your day?
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How good is lamb, huh?
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because they'd never seen it.
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maybe you could ge the other ones to ease off a little?
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But anyway, if you could--
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- I got her husband Lee on the machine. - There is no husband!
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Ay, but it-- it wasn't a bad one, right?
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His father with the wooden leg...
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Oh, catering by Amelia's. Ow!
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when, let's face it, Lily's snarkiness is my doing.
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Oh. We're you trying to get me to take the blame?
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I think it'll make you feel better.
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I've... I've tasted her native food.
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You have an in-law who, no matter what you do,
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But don't forget to light your candle.
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and he acts like a real person, he comes close.
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I turn. I see this pretty girl talking to her friend.
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I didn't send the pie to Gloria.
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It's not the family gun?
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Where is Luke?
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Wah-wah, wah-wah.
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But you're an attractive woman with a lot to offer.
Aired 4 years ago - Jan 16, 2013

Gloria and Jay try to make Manny's 14th birthday extra special by planning a surprise party; Haley starts hanging out with a much older guy.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 1
so we'll just meet you guys at the party.
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- Kenny designs jeans for our boutique. - Uh-huh.
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- And a "rack star." - Ohh.
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These jeans just slipped on me so perfectly,
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and Claire hasn't gotten hers yet, so...
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What? He's practically my age.
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Yes, but-- Luke, I'm never telling you anything!
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Sir? This is my cake right here.
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- What do I look like to you? - 34!
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- but you know they're sturdier than you think. - Yeah.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 11
Let's go this way, honey.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 12
Okay, so by the power vested in me
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 13
Cam, y-you got her a car?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 14
We always knew there was a strong possibility
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 15
- What's the matter? - Jay, I can't find the parking ticket.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 16
I know I put it somewhere here but I cannot find it now.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 17
Let's drive through something else!
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 18
Young people seek out older mentors all the time.
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Oh. All right. I'm gonna go take a squirt while you grab it.
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Hey, Claire, um, could you help me with this?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 21
Yeah, well, look how well that worked out.
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- What? - No.
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Stop beating yourself up. Hey, let's go mingle.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 26
- Your defeats are my defeats. - Hey, Mr. Tucker!
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- We love you, Mr. Tucker! - We love you! - You're the best!
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 28
Okay, Manny is going to be here soon,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 29
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No!
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 31
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No, everybody's so excited to celebrate with... you.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 33
I do! I do! Come out!
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The problem is, they never believe you.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 35
I mean, I'm probably more of a 14-year-old than he is, and...
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 36
Just keep practicing.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 37
I clicked with the students, the teachers.
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It's why she asked you to marry her, to get back at me.
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That's another Colombian tradition.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 41
No, it's nothing! Keep singing! Keep singing!
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 42
Oh, my gosh! It's happening!
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 43
I'm not gonna let you share it every year, okay?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 44
You know that I love you no matter what?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 45
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- Uh-- oh, no. - No, that's not what happened.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 47
I guess daddy was worrying about nothing.
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For what?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 49
It's gonna be an adventure,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 12 (S04E12) - 50
Aired 4 years ago - Jan 09, 2013

Jay and the family plan to celebrate New Year's together at a hotel in Palm Springs, but the hotel doesn't meet their expectations; Alex and Haley are faced with challenges as they try to watch the kids back at home.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 1
Do you see that? Do you see what I did?
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That'll be more pathetic than that game of Marco Polo I played with Helen Keller.
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You know, it's like I tell the other volunteers down at the adoption center:
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 5
Working at James Woods High is great.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 6
We should get them to rename the schooI after Dr. King.
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Whoa, you know what, that actually didn't really come out right.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 8
we just finished reading The Da Vinci Code at my book club.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 9
Good night, sweetie.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 10
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 11
Oh, tonight's no good, Peter. I have another date with Shauna.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 12
Hey, you almost done in the john? 'Cause we're late for darts.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 13
Hey, what's that? What's that? Is that a dog?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 14
I'm not a dog, you fat bastard!
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- Oh. The guy who played Sheneneh? - That's Martin Lawrence.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 18
Well, thanks for playing. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
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to put their e-mall address on the list in the back there...
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Now, unless there is any objection, I move that the board pass this measure.
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- Coffee for you, Capt. Griffin? - Thank you, stewardess.
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- What? - Wow!
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You're pretty much offensive to all five senses.
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Hello, Mr. Woods. Peter tells me you're in films.
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Why not Ronald Reagan?
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Oh, it's just Reagan. Just leave him alone. He'll tire himself out.
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- Guess I'll be heading back to old L.A. now. - You're leaving?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 33
Come on, we'll have a campout in the yard.
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That's a scary story, Peter.
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To be there for
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 36
Whichever betides you
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Do or die for
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too
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Would you like some corn? I brought it from home.
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I brought it from home, because I don't like the creamed corn they have here.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 42
What do you say? I kind of miss sleeping at the foot of your bed.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 43
Look, Lois. Lois, look, look, look. He's dreaming he's running.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 44
Motivation. What is my motivation?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 45
Yeah, that's neat.
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Hey, how's it going? I'm Peter. You want to go out sometime?
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 47
I got a coupon for Sizzler with your name on it.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 11 (S04E11) - 48
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Would you like some cold roast beef?
Aired 4 years ago - Dec 12, 2012

When Manny and Luke's Little League team makes it to the playoffs, Claire and Cameron search for a field to use; Gloria uses a microphone to sing to the baby.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 10 (S04E10) - 1
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Justin Timberlake.
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Well, I wanted to, but your grandfather wouldn't let me.
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Yes, I imagine those little fellows are enjoying quite a feast.
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Are you calling me gay?
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by selling these fine products over the phone.
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Sorry, you have to sleep with Rob Schneider tonight.
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Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 10 (S04E10) - 10
Oh, this is not a bathtub.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 10 (S04E10) - 11
You fired that gun reaI nice, John.
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- It's working. - Just need a little more...
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I should've stopped listening to you a long time ago.
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I'll front you the money, and you pay it off by working for me.
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Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.
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Wow, Mom. You look pretty.
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Oh, God. Meg, that's sick.
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Thank you, Mort. I'm trying to get into modeling.
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Well, gosh, Mort. You ever think about sending out a maller?
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so, you know, start thinking up some fun tacky ties to wear.
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Oh, man. I can't believe I'm sleeping with a modeI.
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Karin Parotta, modeling agent.
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Now, perhaps some young gentleman would like to light me up.
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I am so pressed.
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You wanted something?
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Well, I think you do know.
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Oh, Brian, there you are. Can I talk to you about something?
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And, you know, between you and me, I think it's a stitch...
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except you're not a fat guy.
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Lois, I got your new headshots, and I set up a shoot for you...
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Yeah, Lois. I'd like to wear you like a hockey mask.
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Lois, if you being a modeI means you're going to be eye-candy...
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 10 (S04E10) - 40
I am going to the top, and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 10 (S04E10) - 41
Come on. Come on.
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Hey, there, sweetie.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 10 (S04E10) - 43
That guest list is more exclusive than the Garden of Eden.
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You have smelly dog farts.
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- Yes, it was. - No, it wasn't.
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How is that even... How you doing that?
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but first, you have to do something for me.
Aired 4 years ago - Nov 28, 2012

Mitch and Cam try to save an old tree in the park; Jay takes Manny to a kid's Olympics-themed birthday party; Gloria and Claire have an eventful shopping trip.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 9 (S04E09) - 1
All boys. All sports. All day.
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Doug finishes with the most medals no matter what.
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Fine. I'll put on my sporty shoes.
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Oh, I see what this is.
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I walked around all day smelling like a bucket of popcorn.
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Duck! Duck! Come on and hit him, you little freak!
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Look, I'm Mexico. Again.
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Well, come here. Let me introduce you around.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 9 (S04E09) - 9
Ugh. I want to be so mad at him,
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 9 (S04E09) - 10
They kind of just hung out in there, let me do my thing.
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Where is he?
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Tell me about it.
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Hey! My supervisor wants to know
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Yes. I've never been more sure about anything in my life.
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That was my theater troupe. An actor's sick.
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No! No, I'm not. Come on.
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Daddy, you've got to save the tree!
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Last summer, my sister took a totally humiliating photo of me.
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Okay. Hey.
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It says "dozen." I need the eggs!
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Good news, gentlemen! I found another rope.
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Well... he called me to rescue him one time.
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I had about ten pretty bad pictures of Haley.
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Oh, well, that's a very good question.
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It's not your fight.
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You know, this isn't just a tree.
Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 9 (S04E09) - 30
So Alex comes home from school the other day,
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You have to at least try to pay attention.
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if we wanted to steal it,
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Oh, my God, I'm Sisyphus. Yes!
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So he turns it up full-blast,
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so I nail him with the sprinklers!
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and if you beat me, I'll buy you any boombox you want.
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I'd rather box my daughter's husband
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I scooped ice cream all summer for that boombox!
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Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen!
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Easy peasy.
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You're a bored housewife, drives a minivan,
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Grandmothers, businessmen, honor students--
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I need you to sign this, admitting your guilt,
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Sorry about that. I went a little nuts there.
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- and he was like, "uhh! Uhh!" - No. No!
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- Go away now! - Yeah.
Aired 5 years ago - Nov 14, 2012

When Claire, Manny and Luke go to Alex's academic decathlon for the weekend, Phil throws a guys' night at home; Manny and Luke crash bar mitzvahs looking for a girl; Cam and Mitchell get Jay and Gloria a surprise baby gift.

Aired 5 years ago - Nov 07, 2012

Cameron watches Alex and Luke while Phil, Claire and Mitchell deal with Haley's arrest; Jay tries to cut short a surprise visit from ex-wife Dede (Shelley Long), so she doesn't learn about Gloria's pregnancy.

Aired 5 years ago - Oct 31, 2012

Jay and Gloria host a yard sale to help with a school fundraiser; Mitch and Cam vet Alex's new friend; Manny finds a trunk full of secrets.

Aired 5 years ago - Oct 24, 2012

Claire must rein in her enthusiasm for Halloween and keep her celebration kid-friendly; Phil decides to hold an open house on Halloween; Mitch and Cam have a costume party; Gloria's hormones make her more quick-tempered than usual.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 5 (S04E05) - 1
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Hi, there. I'd like to welcome you all to CPR.
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Everybody likes a snack.
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I figured Andre the Giant would be a little hipper.
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But, you know, that stuff about spending the day together tomorrow...
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Well, I'll see you later.
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Only a couple of Oreos gone. I'm gonna take the rest home to the cats.
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- Sir? Sir? - What the hell is wrong with you?
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You guys take it easy. No need to thank me. Just pay it forward.
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"The life of a silversmith's apprentice was not an easy one!"
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- Somebody fall through the ice? - It's summer.
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black guy, Cleveland's got a cute, little white ass.
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We can't tell anyone about this.
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My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you.
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I don't know how to tell you this, Mr. DeVanney.
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It isn't clear But what we're certain of is you have AIDS
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But full-blown AIDS Not HIV, but really
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You want to take it from here, Bamm-Bamm?
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I need a real man. And Lord knows that ain't you.
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Cleveland Brown, you are pathetic!
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Cleveland, I am so sorry. You can stay here as long as you like.
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Somebody went under a dock
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That's right, kids. So just treat him like one of the family.
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You know, Peter, I'm a little worried about Cleveland.
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- No. - C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P?
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5-5-5-0-1-4-3.
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It never felt right! Please don't tell Cleveland!
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Better it be Quagmire than someone she could get a disease from.
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I must be in Quahog 'cause all I see is a bunch of hicks!
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- And I'm doing you, Loretta. - What the hell?
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[Theme music from Popeye]
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Oh, God, you're hyperventilating! Chris, get me a bag.
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There's no time. I got to go warn Quagmire while I got the chance.
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- The blades are still spinning! - Oh, my God, Peter! What is that thing?
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It is my job. I only ask that you do not feed my cat, Bootsie...
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It's all right to go to sleep, my friend. I'll stand guard.
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His name was Boner.
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[Cleveland growls]
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Aired 5 years ago - Oct 17, 2012

Phil can't accept that Luke wants to quit magic; Gloria's snoring keeps Jay and Manny awake; Mitch and Cam struggle to deal with their reversed role.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 4 (S04E04) - 1
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Strong with the force, young Skywalker is.
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All right. All right. Give me "Sperm Dumpster."
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Help, I've escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement!
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Coming up next, Joan Rivers speaks to us from beyond the grave.
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Meg, that's it. You could get a makeover.
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It looks like we've got a winner, Tom.
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Oh, man, that's the best idea since they faked the moon landing.
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And solar winds...
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- I'd never even heard the word "rubber"... - Peter, this is Meg.
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Welcome to the family, sweetheart. Chris, go burn all Meg's old pictures.
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[Singing Don't Stop Believin'] Just a small town girl
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Born and raised in South Detroit
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Some will win
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Hey, that's Journey. Kickass!
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Stick around, you just might learn something, too.
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Brian, you're just ants at a picnic. We're gonna be awesome.
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You know, maybe we should have decided on outfits that matched.
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LOIS: Oh, my. Hi, Gene. I didn't know you were here.
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Great, I'll pick you up whenever I feel like it.
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You gotta start somewhere, fellas. That's how you evolve.
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The people who beat you are proud to present, all the way from Quahog...
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The guy behind me braided my hair.
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Boy, that's not healthy, is it? That that's the first place I go to?
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But I wanna be without a care
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Gonna buy me a rainbow
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- What're you doing in prison? - I stomped a cat to death.
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God, I'm so sorry. I keep doing that.
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can you perform surgery on yourself?
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Let me explain something to you, all right?
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I'm not sure I'm comfortable with Meg being exploited that way.
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Oh, God. Sorry.
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You did say you hated Crooklyn.
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Intercourse with you
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- I said more Skittles. - All right. That is it, Meg.
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Meg, you and your family are gonna perform on Saturday Night Live.
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I can't think of anything more exciting.
Aired 5 years ago - Oct 10, 2012

Phil gets a vasectomy; Gloria and Jay can't agree on whether or not they should find out the sex of the baby; Mitchell tries to steer Cameron toward getting a part-time job.

Aired 5 years ago - Oct 10, 2012

Claire and Phil embarrass Haley when they drop her off at college; Manny makes Gloria and Jay take a class; Lily gets into a tussle on her first day of kindergarten.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 2 (S04E02) - 1
6, 21, 18, 7, 42.
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You know, that is a terrific idea, Lois. I probably have a lot to offer young people.
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Good morning, class. I'm your substitute teacher, Brian Griffin.
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- Just pitch me a line right now. - Okay.
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It sucks! Mr. Griffin gave me an F on my first assignment!
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when a teacher gave us a bad grade?
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Yeah. They stood for corruption and greed.
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Reassigned? Can I at least come down to your office and talk to you about this?
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- Good morning, class. - Good morning, Mrs. Lockhart.
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All right. How about we go around the room and everyone can say...
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- Oh, my God! - Yo, it's my turn to deliver.
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It's... What is this?
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I wish you'd told me that before I got you this.
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WOMAN: Give that back! MAN: Man!
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On my 25th birthday, your father surprised me by showing up...
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Then you can have the remains.
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Chris, you can't be so impulsive.
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I don't think Mrs. Lockhart likes me at all.
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You know what else is gross?
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"mess all up the bitch's house."
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Wow. You know, you're right. Maybe I should just try...
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and my posse's representing West Side.
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Lois, honey, let's make sure we do this delicately, all right?
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I mean, a sopping-wet pair of breasts barely covered by a racing t-shirt.
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that I could tape to the back of Lois's head?
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'Cause I couldn't stand to be away from you for another moment.
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Maybe you could just get a divorce, and we could live together...
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It looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. Don't put that in with my things!
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[Mr. Lockhart screaming]
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Yo, man, what's that thing in the middle?
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And don't worry. If Mr. Furley comes by, I'll make sure he thinks you're...
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- I could be a ditch digger? - A motel maid?
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"O, Captain! my Captain!"
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No, wait a minute. I can't call the police.
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- What happened to your shirt? - You know, just a pizza party at the office.
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Yeah, that's always been Arnie's problem. Well, take it easy.
Aired 5 years ago - Sep 26, 2012

Phil takes Jay on an unconventional fishing trip; Gloria wonders how to break the news about her pregnancy; Dylan temporarily moves in with the Dunphys; Cam and Mitch think about adopting a cat.

Recap of Modern Family Season 4 Episode 1 (S04E01) - 1
I guess that things have become a little stale for me.
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I mean, our honeymoon. So much rug burn!
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- Be good. - Bye, Mom, I love you!
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I'll tell you. Of course, I'll want a favor in exchange.
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Sweetheart?
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Gross. Hey, why don't you go back to sleep?
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PETER: Look at all those hamburgers.
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This is just terrific. How are we gonna get...
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And then our second honeymoon's back on track.
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Turn it, Chris. I want to watch George Lopez.
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You two better settle down.
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I don't know. What do you say we read a book or something?
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"Garfield at Large, by Jim Davis."
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You mean it's up to us. Clearly you need my help with this parenting thing.
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Yes, Papa Geppetto. I'm sorry.
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That was all the money we had for this trip.
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of Manhattan's newest luxury hotel.
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on permanent reserve. A room which he barely uses.
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Jake swiped it from his dad's liquor cabinet.
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In fact, last year alone, there were over 27,000 deaths from...
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- Peter, we can't afford this. - No, but Mel Gibson can.
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Let me show you to your room, Mr. Gibson!
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Did you think you were grown up?
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- Mel! - Mel? Wait a minute.
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I'm just gonna watch British porn.
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I don't think so.
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Well, what are we supposed to do, Lois?
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Caviziel? Is that it? The guy from the first one?
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Peter, are you crazy?
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We gotta get rid of this thing for the sake of Jesus and Snoopy...
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Man, this is even more intense than that time I forgot how to sit down.
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- Peter, what the hell are you doing? - Lois, trust me.
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- Look, Mr. Tucker, l... - We're through here.
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There's got to be a way to get back at Jake Tucker for what he did to Chris.
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You stay here. I'm gonna go bury this film.
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Well, that may be. But what we're all forgetting is...
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