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SEASON
EPISODE

Season 2

Aired 6 years ago - May 25, 2011

Jay wants to go fishing on his birthday, but the family insists he have a big party, leading Claire and Mitchell to get trapped in their childhood yard, Phil encounters his college nemesis at the mall and Cameron to have trouble at the bakery.

Aired 6 years ago - May 18, 2011

With the whole family gathered at Jay's before going to Alex's middle school,graduation, Jay is hiding a botox mishap, Cameron is upset about Mitchell's habit of laughing at his expense, and Phil tries sympathiic and critical of Claire's worries over the kids growing up too fast. They might miss Alex's big moment.

Aired 6 years ago - May 11, 2011

Jay advises a dog trainer, while Phil and Claire switch parenting duties to the kids' chagrin. Mitchell has an extra Lady Gaga ticket when Cameron ends up sick.

Aired 6 years ago - May 04, 2011

Claire and Gloria's Mother's Day excursion with the kids turns into the mother of all disasters. Meanwhile, Phil and Jay share an awkward moment when they stay home to prepare dinner for everyone. Cameron worries about gender roles in his relationship with Mitchell.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 21 (S02E21) - 1
are taking the kids up the canyon
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♪ I know you want to leave me ♪
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I have a walking stick.
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And it smells like lemon-lime,
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- I'll come then. - I'm hungry.
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was making you fluffy pancakes, okay?
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We don't want to go to your baby shower.
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Oh.
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- and I need you to know that it bothers me. - Sorry.
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No, let's go. Let's get out of here. Leave the stroller and run.
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Okay, tighten up, tighten up.
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Manny, that's not a rash.
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all you people have done is whine!
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It's like you walked under a bird that poops ugly hats.
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Kids, your hike is over.
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What it says on the page goes in the pot.
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That was unnecessary.
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What the hell are you talking about?
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How much longer on the meat?
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Jay?
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Those really frame your face.
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Okay, I don't want you to judge me,
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the rest would go down like dominos."
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But that's not what I'm talking about now.
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Oh. Okay.
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but sometimes I need my own space.
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just be a boy!
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I was talking about another Manny that I know long time ago!
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You know mom's just gonna want us to apologize.
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Why would she do that?
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let her know we're onto her little game.
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and it embarrassed him.
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I could get scratched.
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- It's okay. - Gotcha.
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and it reminded me of my mom, I might get a little misty,
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We're just a new type of family, you know?
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All right, if -- if I'm thinking about it,
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- You don't -- you don't think I can throw a ball? - Cam.
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Cam, hands.
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Say something terrible about me
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No. But there was some hurtful stuff said about my poetry.
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A bunch of 30-year-olds living at home.
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Manny, Claire was feeling bad
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is that I never have enough of it.
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Nope. I'm good.
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And I know -- Stop it! Okay.
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But maybe this is what we're seeing,
Aired 6 years ago - Apr 20, 2011

Mitchell and Cameron assess their family members in trying to decide who would best take care of Lily should anything happen to them.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 20 (S02E20) - 1
I'm taking Luke to see a child psychologist.
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- Hey, mom, check it out. - What are you doing?
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No way. She plays lacrosse and takes cello lessons.
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Honey, after I go by the office, maybe we can grab some lunch.
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Hi, Dr. Klausner. I am so sorry we're late.
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- How did you... - How did I what?
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I wonder if she's not home.
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When you and Dylan were broken up,
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Then I'm just gonna have to come with you.
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Total gun nut, lives completely off the grid.
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but I just don't know about him raising a child.
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Couple of hours before your camping trip, huh?
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which is not exactly your strong suit.
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Really? Can I fly? Can I speak Chinese?
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He was 2, and all he could do was bark!
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How about at the zoo? Bam! Who needs a shrink now?
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I've been there, buddy.
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Well... he's a bright and curious boy,
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Too crazy.
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or focusing exercises or something?
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it looks like the can is standing still.
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No, not perfect, and... and I never said anything about my shy bladder.
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Wait, wait, I think I hear future Lily
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Excuse me, sherpa, can you assist me with the harness?
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Honey, you know, sometimes you can act a little bit...
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Now, I know it seems daunting, Manny, but it's very simple.
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Yeah, never mind.
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Just stand over there and yell if someone's coming.
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- Where are we? - Boys' locker room.
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are we looking at weeks, months?
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I could use a little piece of lumbar myself right now.
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You don't like?
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I actually... I think we're good.
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Calm down. You just did one bad thing.
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because of lacrosse and debate team and...
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No offense, but the family's hopes and dreams
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Something that nobody knows.
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why I said what I said.
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that I'm sure if I could just get in there and just... ee!
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How would I know? He rode with you.
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your father publicly shamed Manny, dropped me from the sky,
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- Whose car are we taking? - Mine.
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Then you didn't.
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Congratul... tov.
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I can't believe I ever worried about him out in the world.
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No.
Aired 6 years ago - Apr 13, 2011

Cameron is overzealous in his planning of the spring musical performance at Luke and Manny's school. Jay's brother visits while Phil convinces the family to be in his new ad.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 19 (S02E19) - 1
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Blast! This isn't the first time I've been thwarted by my small stature.
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- Anything? - Ooh! Ooh!
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Ooh! Ooh!
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I wanted to call her Twiki. But Lois said kids now wouldn't get the reference.
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But I've wanted to go to Brown ever since I was a little girl.
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I have no future! I'm just gonna wait in my room until I'm dead.
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Lois, I challenge you to a race around the world.
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You never seem to be that interested in journalism-or journalists, such as myself.
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- You get it and I'll make you a reporter. - You got it.
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- Excuse me, Mayor? - How do you know my language?
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Well, well, Mr Toilet. I thought you were in the Hamptons.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 19 (S02E19) - 20
You seize life by the throat and shake it like a topless bartender mixing a martini.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 19 (S02E19) - 21
No more treats. You're gonna spoil your dinner.
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That's why I started Stewie's Big and Tall Man Shop. If you're portly or tall,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 19 (S02E19) - 23
I say, here's the solution to my troubles.
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"Pretty sneaky, sis." That one's also funny.
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Show yourself, damn you! I've been investigating him for months.
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Your story? Wait a minute!
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- I'm Chris. - Eviscerate the proletariat.
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This'll never get Meg on the paper. This is old news.
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Meg needs something that'll pull those kids away from their Rock 'Em Sock 'Em robots
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Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh!
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Duh-duh! Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah!
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Congratulations, Meg. This is the most sensational story we've ever had.
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I'm just reading every high-school newspaper in America to see if I'm mentioned.
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- Luke Perry is suing us? - Dad, how could you do this to me?
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Ricky, we love you! We love you!
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I just wanted you to have something to put on your transcript.
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Aw, don't cry, sweetheart. I'll make it up to you.
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- Yeeh! - How the hell are you gonna do that?
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I require a hand-operated buzz saw capable of cutting through a human sternum.
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Look here, you gourd-bellied codpiece. Allow me to purchase the provisions I demand
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Oh!
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Listen, Brian, I'd take a bullet for Meg so I'm sure I can take a... Here he is.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 19 (S02E19) - 50
- Thirsty? - No.
Aired 6 years ago - Mar 23, 2011

Phil and Claire are not pleased when Luke befriends a curmudgeonly old neighbor. To avoid an invite to the symphony with Gloria and Manny, Jay goes with Mitchell and Cameron on their "boys' night out" while Haley babysits Lily.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 18 (S02E18) - 1
I just have a few questions about your return.
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First, why don't you attach that green one to that purple one?
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- Aah! - Mr Griffin, are you OK?
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No, that was for my refund. What the hell's Party of Five?
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But I need that log for my recreation of James Madison's cabin.
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Peter! I'm holdin' iced tea!
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See, that's what I do. I ask for a snack and I blow the horn.
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- Goodbye. - Ah, damn it.
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That may be. But you know what?
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Damn government, telling me I can't build a pool on my own land.
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And all in favour of "Ephraim, the Retarded Rabbit"?
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Oh. Sorry. I thought you were the district attorney.
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Which would make you... a communist!
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Hm. Mmm-mm.
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- And that makes us our own country. - What are you talking about?
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Our lead story tonight: Petoria.
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Thank you, Diane. So, Mrs Griffin, what's it like being the woman behind the man?
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Well, we're a clean and industrious people, mostly white.
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Here you go, Mr President. Mr President!
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Chug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug!
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You still owe me for the other rounds, which comes to 50 bucks.
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Not a good jail, like on Cinemax. The man-jail.
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Can't touch me
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I've been around the world, from Hartford to Bombay
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Attention, delegates. This session of the United Nations is hereby convened.
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I'm stuck up here in the nosebleeds. I'm president of Petoria. I want a better seat.
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I used to be the laughing stock around here until my country invaded Kuwait.
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of the Geneva Convention, "the".
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- I suggest we start with political sanctions. - Good, gentlemen.
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live at the site of the US blockade. Tom?
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Oh, my God, they've opened fire. It looks like things are getting very heated here.
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- Here. Use this head lamp. - Hey, where's the kids?
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It's not for ever. You know, it's just... it's just... You know.
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- Stewie, is that you? - Lois, my mind's made up.
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And we're back with our round-table discussion on the Petorian crisis.
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Oh, it's ridiculous, clearly. He's a factory worker, not a despot.
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Can anybody tell me what the square root of the hypotenuse is... Chris, is that a note?
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Damn you, Rupert! Keep these loathsome insects away, or you'll end up like Mr Giraffe.
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you can make sure that Stewie never goes hungry again.
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Look at what we're reduced to. Our own baby has to use newspapers for diapers.
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My God, I haven't seen everyone this miserable since that time we were tortured.
Aired 6 years ago - Mar 02, 2011

Claire is run ragged trying to fix Haley and Alex's relationship. Gloria is horrified by Jay's plans to purchase themselves side-by-side crypts. Cameron decides he wants to write a book that celebrates the fact that Lily is adopted, but soon learns something new.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 17 (S02E17) - 1
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- Get a hold of yourself! - Ow! Peter, you're supposed to hit Brian!
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then breed with their women. In time our differences will be forgotten.
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- Logan, let's go. - I can't.
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Yaaaagh!
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What do we do now? What the hell do we do now?!
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I feel terrible about this. Why don't I put us up in a nice hotel for a couple of days?
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Smack? Horse? X? Shrooms? Dust? Meth? In my neighbourhood? I don't think so!
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I picked this up on Dateline from that yummy exoskeleton Maria Shriver.
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Jump in, honey. Don't be afraid. The turtle will keep you safe.
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- Hey, Chris, aren't you comin' in? - Can I swim with my shirt on?
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Hey! Hey, everybody! Hey, look what Chris Griffin's father Peter Griffin's doin'!
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Sir, you can't park your van on the diving board.
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- Are you ready to... - Go away!
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and your father can help you exercise.
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- Honey, they're good for you. - Oh!
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- Yes! Yes! - I'll have what he's having.
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- Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! - Hup! Hup-hup! Hup! Hup!
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Come on! You can do it. Feel the burn, Chris. Feel the burn.
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OK, just relax. Try to soil yourself, like we practised.
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Bovine lummox! Oh!
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If you can find a hole on the boy that you wanna put your lips on, be my guest.
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FYI, he used the fat he took out of her to make the two kids from Good Burger.
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And I get all that fat, like the fat's my buddies stuck behind enemy lines, you know.
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Oh, good boy, Stewie. Clean plate. Although I think you got...
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and we have something very tasty for big fat you. Bon appétit!
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Dad took me to a doctor to get the fat vacuumed out of my belly.
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doing something as unbelievably foolish as getting liposuction? Who, I ask you? Who?
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He's become so massive he's collapsed into himself like a neutron star.
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You know, there's somethin' I always wanted to do, Brian,
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I was wonderin' if I could put a little saddle on your back and ride you like a horsy.
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- Hyah! Hyah! Come on, Old Paint! - I can feel the bones in your ass!
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Meg, you're not gettin' plastic surgery.
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Fear not, some day word will reach you about the success of me,
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or your eyes are too close together, or your chest is flabby. You are who you are.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 17 (S02E17) - 41
- Dad, you're pretty! Like a girl! - You look like a totally different person.
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- Peter, did you get a new buttocks? - I had to. My old one had a crack in it.
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But all those people were in front of me.
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Well, as a rule, I would say no, but OK, come in.
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Hey, when you're beautiful, doors magically open for you.
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This is the Beautiful People's Club, and you're our newest member.
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Serves you right. You tried to make Chris jealous, now you have an eating disorder.
Aired 6 years ago - Feb 23, 2011

After Phil and Claire have a huge fight, Gloria steps in to counsel Phil while Jay counsels Claire. Jay has some regret in buying Gloria a karaoke machine. Cameron is in full prep mode for a huge fund-raising event and asks Mitchell and Luke for help.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 16 (S02E16) - 1
I didn't think I'd make a good Gigi either, but, God help me, I was flattered.
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- That's 30. - Hit me.
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- I'm the proprietor of this delicatessen. - Butt out, shlomo. All I need is your address.
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Look, Lois, we had a broken car, I did "something", and now we have a new car.
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Hey, Cleveland, check out my on-board computer navigation system. Standard.
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You're in debt to the Mob. That means they can ask you to do anything.
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- Rita Rudner funny. - Yeah, Rita Rudner funny.
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I have asked you here tonight so that you may perform a service.
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He's also vile and disgusting.
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- No, what time is it? - It's time for you to get your groove back.
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- Home? You know, for dinner. - Oh, yeah? What are we havin'?
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That'd be better than having dinner with my family who I love and am not afraid of.
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I am gettin' tired of you doin' everything without consultin' me. And...
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You know, he meant you're crazy like...
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Sorry, what finishing school did you say you went to?
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Tell me, kid, what are you, like, 27?
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He's not the kind of person I want hangin' around our family.
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This is my friend, Big Fat Paulie, and, uh... this is his big fat ass.
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- Really? You're not just sayin' that? - No, no. It's all Lois.
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We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth!
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People are worse off than Willy Loman.
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Aw, come on, Lois. The only victim tonight was the work of Arthur Miller.
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- You thought I wanted you to whack Lois? - Guilty.
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- I sort of put a hit out on ya. - How could you put a hit on me?
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the chap who's been touting the merits of a United European Commonwealth?
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- Where's the don? - The don?
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"Now, get the asterisk, percent, ampersand, out of here, you SOB."
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Yeah, I had the doctor look at that.
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- What did you do? - Oh dear, there are so many people to thank.
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It's not that perfect. We'll probably have to buy a gift.
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Didn't you see The Godfather? The don can't refuse a favour on his daughter's wedding.
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You can ask them not to kill Mom.
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Yes, because together we can do anything, face any foe, overcome any obstacle.
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What the hell are you talking about?
Aired 6 years ago - Feb 16, 2011

Claire and Cameron are dismayed by the guest list for Lily's princess-themed birthday party. Then DeDe attends with Claire's old high school boyfriend in tow. Jay and Gloria turn to their own unique methods of dealing with this gathering of misfits.

Aired 6 years ago - Feb 09, 2011

Claire and Phil decide to reprise their role-playing adventure from last year's Valentine's Day. Jay's surprise plans for Gloria keeps getting interrupted. A secret admirer comes between Cameron and Mitchell.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 14 (S02E14) - 1
But today is not that day.
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- This is... - No. Phil. Phil. Phil. Don't hang up.
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and meet me at our hotel in 30 minutes. You think you can you manage that?
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Um, actually, Claire, something's come up. So...
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I'll slip the guy a few bucks.
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This is 50 bucks. Do not give us a table.
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So, my boyfriend, David, blows me off on the most romantic night of the year - to study!
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David never sent me a jar of his own tears.
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I am not here.
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Wait. Before you start playing these games, let me ask you one simple question...
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Let me just say my piece.
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So when you're ready, I'd like to introduce you.
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No. I just came by to pick up my man.
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Oh, aren't you a dear?
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Have I been that obvious?
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So hard to see someone else have something you want and can't have.
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It's me. The - the crush is on me.
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- Appletini? - It was.
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But I have exactly $10 million...
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Or should I say "pretty smart"?
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Surprising, I know. I'm usually pretty good at catching things from women in bars.
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It's not a gift card. Or maybe it is.
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but I'm hungry, I look fantastic, we're staying.
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Well, maybe I should just shut them up.
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Well, w-whose room is this, then?
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Oh, please, do not worry about it.
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Why do I feel like you're hinting at something?
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You just said he didn't.
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and see which one of us he runs to?
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Oh, Cam!
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Why do you treat me like I'm the first?
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Honey.
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- What the hell? - I win!
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You are romantic, and I'm smarter than you.
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Shut up. I win.
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"Mitchell, by now I'm sure Cameron has told you what happened in the elevator. "
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 14 (S02E14) - 50
Treasure each other. Sincerely, Broderick.
Aired 6 years ago - Jan 19, 2011

The kids get a surprise of their own when they take breakfast in bed to Phil and Claire on their anniversary. Jay and Gloria's Vegas vacation plans are ruined by a brutally honest email accidentally sent to Claire,. Mitchell and Cam try to get into a new restaurant owned by a mom at Lily's preschool.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 1
In fact, you weren't even there when we sta...
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your zesty performance deserves some praise.
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It! They were doing it!
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Relax. We'll get her.
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Oh, yeah, because all the finest restaurants in the world
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I don't want them flying over my food.
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I'm sorry, Jay.
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And I'd still be trapped in a loveless marriage.
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Oh. I just opened one nearby.
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Oh. One second.
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Did you hear that?
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- It's fine. - Stop moving.
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Okay, this is why she's so successful.
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Don't move.
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of that fabulous restaurant of yours
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You know, she also has that restaurant in Las Vegas
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Will you stop gasping? It's just a diaper...
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First of all, that's how they always look at us.
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They didn't even talk about it.
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We set the tone here. So let's just play it cool.
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And I was all, "someone who doesn't want to see
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as when he smells a new car?
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Let's go. Come on.
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I don't know. There was just a lot of screaming.
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We'll just... we'll tell Amelia what happened,
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Oh, no, it was in, oh, what's-her-name's house.
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I mean, we wouldn't make someone pay
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put it under the couch.
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because now I'm thinking it was Joan Collins' house.
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Claire, it was an accident.
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but you have to admit that you're only happy
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I may pass out.
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Can I use your computer? I just need to check one e-mail.
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to apply her make-up or use her computer.
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Good thing we had mom's gas card.
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How often do they let Luke go... go to school
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But, you know, I...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 39
Half of my friends' parents are divorced.
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Which is?
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I don't know where those kids are.
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better than the two of you did.
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Stefanie powers had to go undercover as a call girl.
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I was sending an e-mail to my brother in Colombia.
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Gloria, I'm not an idiot.
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It's so embarrassing.
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- I need to sit. - Okay.
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Mm. Mm.
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- Of course you do. - Yes. - Bye-bye!
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It was the perfect plan.
Aired 6 years ago - Jan 12, 2011

Phil and Claire pressure Alex to ease back on her school work, but begin to worry about their own intellectual drives. Jay is upset when Gloria tries to befriend a new couple, and Mitchell runs into an old female flame.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 1
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I saw you.
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Miles never spoke again. But every year until his death -
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 4
What's that? Something out at sea?
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Are you kidding? God, this is worse than having Ronald McDonald for a father.
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I think I got a wave here!
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Don't worry. You and your friends are gonna have a great time.
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Mom!
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and Milton Berle's legendary genitals. Ah!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 12
- Um... I can't. - OK, finish up and then come out.
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Karen!
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- Ow! Ah, jeez! Lois, what is that? Acid? - You guys are ruining my life!
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Look, I mean it. All of you. Oh, God, where's Stewie?
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Oh, Peter.
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Welcome back to "Diane!"
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Well, actually, I'm not really a woman.
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OK, OK. So, how do you feel?
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Like this one guy, didn't know he was actually two midgets.
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- Meg, how did you get these tickets again? - Let's bring them up right now.
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I can't believe you'd do this to us, Meg. Maybe now I won't give you the antidote.
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You there, Bingo. It seems the naughty baby has made a messy-poo in his...
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- Whoa! Is that really the blood of Christ? - Yes.
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Well, you'd better let him out!
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Peter, do you think there might be any validity to what Meg is feeling?
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Hm.
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I look at you and I see a series. We would like to put cameras in your house
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- So, do we have a deal? - Let's shake on it.
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How could you do this? You turned my life into the 24-hour Loser Channel.
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Um... you might have noticed my underwear has a hole in it.
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Oh, now, sweetie, your father is just a free spirit.
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What the hell is this? I said egg whites only!
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It's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me,
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"My God! Wouldn't it be marvellous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"
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Wow! Joe, this sort of makes you like Larry from Three's Company.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 39
here at the Lobster Shanty.
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Oh, my God, it is them! I can't believe the Griffins eat here like everyday people.
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Nipples! Nipples!
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We can't do the show without Meg.
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Look, the bottom line is you folks are still under contract, OK?
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No cameras. The TV executives don't want viewers to be confused and think you're Meg.
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"It spun in. There were no survivors."
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We're gonna be late! Why won't you talk to me?!
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Oh. I guess not.
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but, uh, you know, I always think...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 50
Of course I do, silly. I'm your sister, Meg.
Aired 6 years ago - Jan 05, 2011

Claire becomes a vigilante to catch a car that speeds though their streets. Phil tries to land an important listing with a difficult client, Jay teaches Manny (and Gloria) how to ride a bike. Mitchell and Cameron meet a mysterious neighbor who is quite the charmer.

Aired 6 years ago - Dec 08, 2010

At Luke and Manny's first school dance, Jay and Phil take them to the mall which turns disastrous, Claire's is jealous when Gloria joins the school dance committee. Cameron and Mitchell learn about Lily biting other kids at the playground.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 1
No wonder this clown died. His lungs are filled with candy!
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Don't you remember me? l was your favorite student.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 3
Come on, Mr. Fargas, do the whole darn thing.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 4
That's what l think about you taking chill pills from the Man.
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Chris, your mother wants me and you to have a talk.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 6
But peeping can be dangerous, so l brought you this.
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Give me that!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 8
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What's the use? You're right.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 10
The egg drop, an annuaI tradition for junior-high-schooI science students,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 11
...but those of the endangered CaIifornia condor,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 12
...has just dismissed RandaII Fargas, ending his 32-year teaching career,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 13
Great. You can get Mr. Fargas his job back.
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Lois, l can't let you deprive our children of a fine teacher like Mr. Fargas.
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Look over there! What?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 17
Peter, since when do you care about the School Board?
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See you on the campaign trail.
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Now look here, you loathsome cur!
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Don't just sit there! l have misbehaved! l've been a bawdy little monkey!
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Blast!
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The debate is tonight and you don't seem to have any supporters.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 28
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...and passive-aggressivist, Barbara Pewterschmidt,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 30
So fasten your seat beIts, We're just minutes away...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 31
...you're supposed to do Mephistopheles in a scary voice like this!
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"Like breathing out and breathing in
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"Accustomed to her voice
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Mr, Griffin, your opening statement, pIease,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 36
What might be right for you, may not be right for some,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 37
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Maybe something about education?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 39
That was AdoIpho Shabba-Doo Electric Boogaloo,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 40
They deserve a schooI board president who doesn't Ieave their feminine ointments...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 41
- Peter, that's enough! - Eats babies,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 42
...or even been to a PTA meeting,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 43
Peter! Come on! Stop, Shut up! You guys shut up!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 44
Lois Griffin is a sIut, What?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 45
...because some words are big and hard to understand,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 46
Sorry, Lois,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 47
...that Lois Griffin is not the kind of person they want running their schools.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 48
I heard that, Damn!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 49
Don't even talk to me, Peter. You humiliated your own wife!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 50
lf you blow this chance to do something good for our kids...
Aired 6 years ago - Nov 24, 2010

Mitchell tries to tell Cameron how he feels uncomfortable with his mom, Barb Tucker. Haley breaks up with Dylan to Phil's dismay and Claire's delight. Jay has a little stomach ache that gets exacerbated when he and Manny look it up on the Internet.

Aired 7 years ago - Nov 17, 2010

Manny is depressed about his birthday. Phil and Claire engage in a not-so-friendly car race on the way to the party, and Mitch and Cam get sidetracked when they stop at the mall to pick up a gift.

Aired 7 years ago - Nov 03, 2010

Claire and Haley are stuck at home sick. Gloria and Manny's surprise visit at work causes a headaches for Jay. Cameron is swept up by all the lights and cameras when he goes behind Mitchell's back and takes Lily for a commercial.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 1
You should've heard them laughing at me.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 2
Albert Einstein worked for the patent office.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 3
...you have to find a way to express yourself creatively.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 4
...who introduces culture and civility to a barbaric, patriarchal...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 5
You're right. Man was meant to create. That's why God invented Shrinky Dinks.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 6
"summer, winter, or fall
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 7
Brian, that was beautiful! Thank you!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 8
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Sing Baa Baa Black Sheep!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 10
Am I supposed to draw the penis?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 11
But then I realized that this is it.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 12
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...my choreographer and I want to thank everyone for auditioning.
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- Yeah. - Great, 'cause I could use some.
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The King of Siam? Why, that's the lead!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 19
By not using you to your full potential.
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Okay, boys! Let's do it!
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There is in "Peter Griffin presents The King and I."
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 24
Good producers put their ideas to work outside the theater.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 25
...and that's, like, 10 people right there.
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Get out of here! Go on, get out of here!
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...a Peter Griffin production, and I'm giving you the exclusive story.
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I got us a story on the 11:00 news.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 29
I'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous, closet case.
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I don't know, Peter, she's a news reporter.
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Hey, everybody, here's our star!
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Okay, let's go from the top of Scene 7.
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This is Rodgers and Hammerstein, not trash TV!
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Come on, Lois. Those hoop skirts make Diane look a little hippie, you know?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 38
And you! I just plain don't like you!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 39
They're aliens!
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I just made a few creative changes to the recipe.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 43
Face it, you're just jealous because people like my ideas better than yours.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 44
- "Carnation," "peony." - No, they did that on last week's Marlowe.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 45
Peter, you've never done a creative thing in your life!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 46
The only thing you create before 9:00 a. M...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 47
Okay, let's run this scene again.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 48
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It's a living, breathing creature with wants and needs...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 50
Someone radiant and sassy...
Aired 7 years ago - Oct 27, 2010

Claire gives each family member a role to play in spookifying the Dunphy house for Halloween, but Cameron hates Halloween due to a traumatic childhood experience. Mitchell had a terrible day at work, and Gloria acts weird after Jay and Manny tease her about her accent.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 1
Yeah, a lot of memories here. Look, my first bike.
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As it turns out, the lump on your chest was just a fatty corpuscle.
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This sucks, Brian. Why should I have to pay this?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 7
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I'm Calista Flockhart. Who the hell do you think I am? I'm Death.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 9
That's a good one.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 10
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The doctor! I guess he must know, right?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 12
Your HMO emailed it to me.
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We were in the middle of a turkey dinner to celebrate Peter's good health.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 14
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...I did some films I'm not particularly proud of.
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I guess this is good-bye. Meg, you're the man of the family now.
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A 20-minute call to Larchmont? Who do we know in Larchmont?
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Yeah. That felt good, dropping me on the couch like that.
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I have to stay off it for a while. Not here.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 22
Go on. That's it.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 23
...l'm no longer lurking in the shadows, consequences will be dire.
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I'm gonna jump off this building.
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I know I should find this ironic, but I'm just bored as hell.
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What did you use for this cocoa, crap?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 28
I hear it's got a great picture of me sneaking up on Tom Snyder.
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It seems with Death incapacitated, my matricidal efforts are futile.
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You guys, I bet I can go up to each one of those scary-looking bikers and say:
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Actually, kid, I kind of fell into this gig. I really wanted to be a wood nymph.
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Stewie, leave Death alone.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 37
Sandy? Not again.
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Okay. I'll spare his life.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 39
Our top story tonight, the rules of death no longer apply.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 40
Peter, are you saying that if I shoot you in the head...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 41
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And now it's time for sports.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 43
You have to go out there and do my job.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 44
He could never kill anyone.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 45
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...because there's this girl in New York, and it's getting kind of serious.
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You have to do something that will get everyone's attention, something huge.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 48
I knew it! As soon as that show came on the air, I said:
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 49
If you go now, you'll catch them. No way.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 50
Aired 7 years ago - Oct 20, 2010

In an attempt to reconnect the family, Phil and Claire challenge them to see who can abstain from using their electronic devices the longest. Mitchell and Cameron attempt to get Lilly into the best pre-school. Gloria deals with the neighbor's barking dog.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 1
It's not even man-crazy Mona. It's all of us.
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And Cleveland, you're the boss because of your attention to detail.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 3
Since you're half a man already, that splits them...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 4
My daddy always said, "Cleveland Jr., quit jumping on the bed!"
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And remember, the wrong keys are electrified.
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Oh, nuts. Young lady.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 8
Are you as excited as I am, Tom?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 9
That's not Angela. That's Mona, Angela's mom.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 10
Our neighborhood hasn't been this united since Quagmire got us free cable.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 11
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Come on now! This is damn foolish!
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You'd be amazed how little one eats when your legs don't work.
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Meg, order up!
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Flappy, good news! I've decided not to kill you!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 17
Welcome to Flappy's.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 18
What's going on out here?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 19
Perhaps someone could enlighten me as to the whereabouts of our Golden Clam?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 20
Pretty high and mighty for a man who left our nation's flag out in the rain...
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He's sorting your recycling because he loves our Mother Earth.
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Last night I was stealing Joe's ladder so I could steal the trophy tonight.
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Combine one small-town neighborhood with a dash of missing trophy...
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Giddy-up, you stubby little mare! To the pancake house!
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We realized our friendship is a lot more important than some stupid trophy.
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Nothing.
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Or a pilot. Or a deli owner.
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...and, when stepped on, they explode?
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I'm absolutely coo-coo for crack!
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Careful. There's a bear trap two feet to your right.
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Daddy, we got one!
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A bunch of card-carrying Commies if you ask me!
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How dare you! This is a wonderful home!
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 41
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How in the world did you make $1,100 as a waitress in one week?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 43
Welcome to your new home.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 44
- I promise, it'll never happen again. - I hope not, Mrs. Stevens.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 45
Yes, Chris. This is where babies come from.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 46
We're the ones who fed dog food to our crack-addicted baby.
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Damn those parents of his.
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You told Child Services that we steal lawn mowers and cheat on our taxes...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 50
You were all working together just fine, but then you won that stupid trophy.
Aired 7 years ago - Oct 13, 2010

Claire tries to convince Phil that his realtors' banquet speech is unfunny. Mitchell tries to convince Cameron to change his wardrobe. Jay and Gloria go to a quinceañera hosted by one of his employees. Haley gives Alex advice on how to be cool.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 1
Peter, you've been wearing that giant foam cowboy hat for eight months now.
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- Bend down, Mother. - Yes, honey?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 3
I will not be forgetting... those outrages.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 4
God, I flew across the Atlantic by myself. I'm a national treasure, for God's sake.
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What about Amelia? She saw everything.
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- Is everything OK? - Yeah, I just... I couldn't sleep.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 8
Remember, to help control the pet population, have your pets spayed or neutered.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 9
It looks like someone already tried to clean it up.
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- Huh. See, we're Catholic, so... - Then you want You're a Naughty Child
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 11
Those look like our sheets and our quilt.
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- It'll help me relax. - OK, buddy.
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before he bends a French biscuit on the conveyor belt?
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Look, I... I really don't even know why I'm here. The urologist said I was fine.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 19
It's just that... I...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 20
Now look at me. Middle-aged, alone and peeing in supermarkets.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 21
Our next dedication goes out to Tony from Kim.
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I think you're in pain.
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Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex.
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Hey, Lois, I...
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Whoa, hang on. I gave you one of the ones with silverware in it.
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- Oh, my God! Are you Stephen King? - No, I'm Dean Koontz.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 32
Being out in the world, feeling my power-and no accidents.
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Hey!
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but maybe we should consider... crating.
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Not so mighty now, are you, Catwoman?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 39
Meow!
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- All that running water. That's gotta be it! - Mm-hm.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 41
Me and Lois? That's sick.
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Don't get antsy. I got three minutes left.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 43
He, uh... thinks I'm in love.
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- Sir, I need a decision. - Uh, uh...
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Thanks, Peter. I'm gonna go find out how she feels.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 46
- Come sit with me. - Oh, OK.
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And now Part 3 of Asian correspondent Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 48
and he's in the bathroom right now, possibly doing drugs.
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- Your tail keeps hitting me. - If it's bothering you, I can stop.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 50
Mm.
Aired 7 years ago - Oct 06, 2010

When an earthquake hits, Claire gets stuck in the bathroom with the plumber, Manny experiences an existential crisis while out with Jay, and Mitchell and Cameron use it as an excuse to get out of attending a party.

Aired 7 years ago - Sep 29, 2010

Gloria decides to honor her late grandmother by cooking more traditional Colombian meals; Claire finds out Alex is interested in a boy; Mitchell's aversion to public displays of affection causes an argument.

Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 1
except maybe making that stupid sound with his mouth.
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before you start making up excuses to get out of it?
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I have tried to talk to her.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 4
And I don't think that you were the good girl
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 5
than the real you.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 6
You won't kiss me in front of other people
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 7
That's different. That's confrontation.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 8
You don't like "kiss-buggy"?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 9
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I've been trying to get this old picture of her printed,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 11
Mr. Hot-dog fingers who can't press "print"
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 12
So, I hear you have a boyfriend.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 13
Well, what are you waiting for?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 14
I thought you were.
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so I unplugged it.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 16
Here's a little trick that I've found pretty useful with Claire.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 17
Uh, that should be printing.
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Hi, Jeremy. I want to ask you something.
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Oh, God, that's from "Notting hill."
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my beliefs, my chunchullo, my abuela.
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My culture is very important to me!
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In Colombia, when you cook in honor of the departed,
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Mm-hmm.
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Higher! Louder! There!
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Do you know how embarrassing this is for me?!
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- I... - You read her texts?!
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Well, I'm sorry I'm not a perfect little good girl like you were!
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She said she felt her here this morning...
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if that's really you,
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Come on!
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Well, okay.
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I mean, lord knows I... I've got my quirks.
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Tonight we dine on the traditional Colombian recipes
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 38
To Ana-María Rosa...
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 39
One moment you were there, the next, only shoes.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 40
Ay, Cameron, it's not Mitch's fault.
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It's because of you that your son cannot kiss his own lover.
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in front of my whole family.
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you were delivered to my door in a squad car,
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I had to download new firmware, install new drivers,
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 45
This is what we're talking about.
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Well, what's wrong with "thanks"?
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Trust me, I gave you twice as much as my father ever gave me.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 48
Mitch, when was the last time he kissed you?
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 49
Jay, kiss your son. He's a mess.
Recap of Modern Family Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 50
Don't be coy.
Aired 7 years ago - Sep 22, 2010

Phil finally agrees to sell the old station wagon but only after a family trip down memory lane; Cameron asks Jay for help when Mitchell decides to build a life-size princess castle for Lily.