Status
Continuing
Next episode
TBA
Airs
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC (US)
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 5

Aired 3 years ago - May 21, 2014

The wedding day chaos continues as the entire party shifts from one contingency plan to another. Guests start to get testy, Mitchell and Cameron are feeling discouraged, and poor Claire shows physical wear and tear.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 1
Now you're breaking somebody's heart.
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Thank you, Gloria.
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Fine. Whatever. I'll undo it.
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We probably have some things that we should talk about,
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Isn't there a lot you have to remember to marry people?
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Bingo, bango, bongo, you're married.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 24 (S05E24) - 8
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Maybe I'll just take that.
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Okay. That was close. We almost connected on a human level.
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Shut up.
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I can't use any of this, but I don't want the whole ceremony to be generic.
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That was the topic 10 minutes ago.
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The butterflies are eating me!
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You're right. Today is not about flowers or superficial things.
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Oh, dreadful story.
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Of course they are.
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You know, at the end of the ceremony,
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The pastor wears one of them Madonna microphones.
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Marriage license, rings, signing pen, toast? Yes, of course.
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She's always the one who ends the phone call.
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Of course I didn't leave, Mom.
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Claire! What?
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Take a trip with me to the future.
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and goes sits next to a much younger, much handsomer-looking man.
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Phil, as they say in my native South Carolina,
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This is my second favorite suit of yours.
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Yeah, because of the fire.
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On your mark, get set, live, baby!
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We need to put a few more people on the lawn. Oh!
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Make sure their checks have cleared.
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Stop with the frowning.
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I'm not doing anything.
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Excuse me. It's my husband.
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Then in my sleeves, I've rigged two confetti poppers that I found in Lily's closet.
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No, no, water's on! Water's on!
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you just meant, like, in general, right?
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Thanks. Have a nice trip.
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No, Mitch is fine. Still mad at me, though.
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Let's send the flower girl before she's a flower teenager.
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Let's just do this.
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All right, yeah.
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You bring it up every chance that you get.
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So far, one, two...
Aired 3 years ago - May 14, 2014

Mitch and Cam’s big day is finally here and nothing can ruin it, until nothing turns into a whole lot of somethings and puts wedding planner extraordinaire Pepper Saltzman to the test. Jay and Gloria host the Tuckers, Phil squeezes in an eye procedure before the festivities and Claire embraces her role as 'best woman'.

Aired 3 years ago - May 07, 2014

Jay, Gloria and Manny challenge one another to try something new; Mitch and Cam sell a couple of their prized possessions to fund the wedding; the kids play a joke on Phil and Claire.

Aired 3 years ago - Apr 30, 2014

Phil cannot handle the stress when he tells Claire an elaborate lie; Gloria is tasked with organizing this year's family portrait; Jay covertly enters Stella in a dog show.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 21 (S05E21) - 1
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and completely forgot about them.
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That is a really cute dress.
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Hey. Oh, my God.
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Mitchell, please. Don't be so sensitive.
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counted as "working the soil."
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What do you think is the minimum age for a spray tanning?
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Quick -- what's the ring around an angel's head?
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I didn't see you. You didn't see me.
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aren't suppose to be dabbling in.
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you know, just in case.
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'cause that kid is 16 with a comb-over.
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The repair guy came, but I missed him.
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No, no, no, no, no. You are too nice.
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to throw Lily in every bargain-bin rag
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By the way, I'm barely in any of these.
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It's simplicity itself.
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I got a disease that's rare and fun -- narcolepsy.
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Everybody makes mistakes.
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Uh, I got a family thing at 5:00.
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All the machines are taken. We're gonna have to wait.
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I didn't abandon you. I-I texted you.
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Please. I could totally get you.
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It's not in the shot, and neither are you.
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Wait! I think I found it.
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By the time I got back to my car,
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No. I've been acting normally, haven't I?
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Well, that's not exactly what happened.
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I was skeptical about the jeans and t-shirt, but I like it.
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Because we're sending this picture
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- Okay. - Come on, buddy.
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Cam, do me a favor -- call Mitchell and light a fire under him.
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Hey, Lily, be careful.
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No me.
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the nibbled-on carrots for reindeer? I don't know.
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Just couldn't change, could you?
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There's a new rule from now on --
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Okay, everybody, it's picture time.
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Not everyone can look their best in the picture.
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No, that's the wrong way, sweetheart.
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between this beautiful, but a small, diamond
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in the box of clothes I gave to Lily.
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Yes. I lied. I'm sorry.
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Ay, Joe, my baby, are you okay?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 21 (S05E21) - 49
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on our own stupid problems,
Aired 3 years ago - Apr 23, 2014

The family joins Phil as he travels to Australia to fulfill his mother's wish that he see the land where he was conceived.

Aired 3 years ago - Apr 02, 2014

Mitch struggles to hide his genuine feelings about an unflattering wedding topper Cam's father made; Phil tries to help Gloria sell the apartment she had before Jay but they get sidetracked at a salon; Jay wants to host a nice family evening.

Aired 3 years ago - Mar 26, 2014

Jay is determined to get the adults' hotel suite upgraded; Claire tries to win back some money; Phil auditions to be a magician.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 1
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to the importance of discretion in my job?
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our luxury bath service, sir?
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- Yep. - All right. Thank you.
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So if you see him, maybe don't mention what I'm doing.
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Okay, everybody. We have a visitor.
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But let me tell you another story.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 9
When you think about it,
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 10
he bought Barkley, the doggy butler.
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You wore two different shoes to watch the super bowl.
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This elevator goes to the top floor.
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- I want to see an eight. - Seven out.
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It's the lady version of Barkley.
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Give these a blow, beautiful.
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Yeah, I think I'm gonna do a soak.
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The miracle... of metamorphosis.
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I'll endeavor to prove that some change is glacial,
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It's what I do.
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I did it! I did it!
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Excelsior Plus.
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I think I heard him cough one time on a conference call.
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Go that way.
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Because it didn't last very long.
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Come on, it'll be fun. Do it.
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I promise you, we did everything right.
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Oh, gambling's fun.
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- You know, I'm really glad that you came over here. - Really? Why is that?
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Yes! Yeah! Ah!
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I want to do something crazy. Okay, I'm gonna order a bath.
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from that most intimate of V.I.P. arenas --
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One of those -- one of those luxury baths.
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Burt says he's gonna be here any minute.
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be sleeping in the basement.
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Okay, I-I know I messed up,
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 36
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for somebody who was looking for you,
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- but I think it might be just what we need. - Okay.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 42
Dear, no.
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I'm not up to anything! I left my key by mistake.
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Hi, guys. What's going on?
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Gloria, hurry up, will you?
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That's not Burt Tanner, that's Long-ham.
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You're certainly gonna be clean by the end of the night, aren't you?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 18 (S05E18) - 48
Hey. Phil, there you are.
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Okay, let me just get everything set up.
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Really, uh, rubbing it in on that wife thing, huh?
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 12, 2014

Jay takes Luke to the garage for some male bonding; Gloria and Claire take Lily dress shopping; Mitch, Cam, Alex and Manny spend a day at the museum; Phil helps Andy make an anniversary gift for his girlfriend.

Aired 3 years ago - Mar 05, 2014

Cameron feels competitive when a popular teacher returns from sabbatical; Haley goes to a realtor's banquet with Phil; Mitch struggles to get his bearings at his new job; Jay and Gloria babysit Lily.

Aired 3 years ago - Feb 26, 2014

Luke competes against the son of Phil's nemesis (Rob Riggle) in a wrestling match; Cam and Mitch ask Claire to pick up Lily from school without mentioning the recent lice incidence in her class; Gloria chaperones a field trip.

Aired 3 years ago - Feb 05, 2014

Claire and Phil spy on Luke and Manny; Jay misinterprets Gloria's anger over a dream she thinks he had for another offense he committed; Mitch tries to keep a secret from Cam; Haley tries to keep her photography exhibit from her family.

Aired 3 years ago - Jan 22, 2014

Haley turns the tables when Claire and Phil try to talk with her about her future; Jay receives news from his friend Shorty; Cam and Mitch go on a romantic date.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 1
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I got all day. Hey, is that your wife?
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Will you guys quiet down? I'm trying to concentrate on my cardio.
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- How do you think it works? - I have no idea.
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I wonder what this thing is for.
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"Dear, my boyfriend,"
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 8
and publicly write on their laptops.
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Peter, you've been to the gym once...
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 10
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without the fruity accent and the Pirates of the Caribbean wife.
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Take your legs totally out of the equation.
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I thought I was just out of shape, but that ain't it at all.
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You're only as young as you feel.
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Since I couldn't help you learn to use the toilet, I found something that can.
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Remember, it's all about relaxing
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Shotgun!
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Wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic
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You shouldn't have talked, you stupid bitch! I hope you die!
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See, I told you, Peter, age is just a state of mind.
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There's a pig behind that fence.
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Peter, that pig...
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Aw, crap! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
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- What the hell?! - No! No!
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Oh, Brian, this is disgusting! Oh, my God! Get it out of here!
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- He is? - No.
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You know, at this point, I'd probably welcome that.
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Really?! The fridge?!
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What a dumbass! Hey, let's spit on it.
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Oh, boy, a pig! Can we keep it? Ow! It bit me!
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and your bag of Werther's Originals.
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Hey, you want to give me that cigar. I'm ready to smoke it now.
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Peter!
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to its lowest level in 33 years.
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Lois, I think maybe it's better if I stay at Quagmire's for a while.
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the way I figure it, the only way to even things out between us
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Well, we did it, Watson. What an afternoon.
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Well, that's the thing. I mean, there's only two phones in the...
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All right, Peter, who's it going to be? Who do you want to sleep with?
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- Anybody I want? - Anybody.
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I haven't been so struck by a woman's beauty
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 50
Aired 3 years ago - Jan 15, 2014

Gloria has an encounter with a mean mom (Jane Krakowski) during the high school open house; Mitchell meets a judgmental neighbor (Jesse Eisenberg); Alex goes to a therapist.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 1
...aurus Rex, it's clear, by the use of carbon-dating that...
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Hey, Brian, check it out!
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All right. Thanks a lot, Peter.
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Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain, Glenn Quagmire.
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We've got some very strong headwinds... giggety.
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My Pet Goat. Page one.
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That's right, Diane. As if the world weren't already scary enough,
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we'll show you how disastrous it could have been.
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But boy, am I angry!
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I feel like this is partially my fault.
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I got enough in my savings until I find another job.
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I'll remind you that I was invited here!
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Oh, come on, Marlee, I know you can't hear them,
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Hello?
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And what does 8,008 look like on a calculator?
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Hey, what are you doing out here? Don't you want to dance?
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Prom night Dumpster baby
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My fanny needs a blanket And somebody to spank it
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- I'm takin' a stroll - He's takin' a stroll
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Well, you're gonna have to help him find one,
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Uh, Stewie should probably never use this pacifier again.
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- So how's the job hunt going? - It's awful, Cleveland.
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Then that's the only answer.
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Then Joe and I will sneak into the flight attendants' lounge
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At which point, Quagmire is forced to step in and land the plane safely,
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- What's "moose stuff"? - Whatever you want it to be.
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- I really like you, Sandy. - I really like you, too, Peter.
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Ma'am, I hate to be a nuisance,
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Both the pilots are unconscious, and we're in a nosedive.
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I know you have a choice in airport sex, and I appreciate your choosing Quagmire.
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- What?! Oh, no! - And that's not the worst part.
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You look like you got something on your mind.
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He said : "You know, I've got a 13-inch member..."
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Excuse me, Hef.
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Aired 3 years ago - Jan 08, 2014

Phil ends up in jail after tricking Luke into taking a dance class; Jay and Gloria plan birthday parties for Manny and Joe; Mitch and Cam try to book a wedding venue.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 1
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I was wishing they had a gazebo, and then they did!
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I think you'll find our prices are competitive.
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Well, I'm certain, and we've looked at every possible venue.
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We're just not sure that we love it.
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No, it has to be on our anniversary.
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What perfume is that?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 8
I'm never gonna fall for one of your lies again.
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No, I did not. What a ding-dong!
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He's got an answer for everything.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 12
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Phil has $1,000 hidden in the house,
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"Moola" sounds like "coola."
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I don't want to go in here!
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until they got in a fight over a boy, Rodney.
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Of course, usually it's gay men, not teenage girls,
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Yeah, she's always saying to me, "Uncle Mitch, you're so cool.
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I didn't know you were old enough to have a job.
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You did not pay a bunch of parking tickets,
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Oh, don't you think I know that?!
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even have a union together?!
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That's your dada right there with the drinky.
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What are you doing?
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and I put one of her favorite things
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Oh, I wish she had more pockets!
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- Hi, dad. - Hi, dad.
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Well, Tracy really was out of line.
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Cam, who? Dana!
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Yeah, even though it was Sophie's fault.
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Yeah, you're definitely dancing around something.
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I needed the weekend! I never saw myself in a ranch!
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First, I thought just a little accent of color
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What are you doing? They're gonna be here any moment.
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He knows how to talk to girls.
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Stayed in that cold cell
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Would you please just let it go?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 41
You paid Haley to take me driving?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 42
He lied me into a dance class.
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but she's losing her little girl.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 45
Finally, he said, "I'll never bug you again
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 46
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But on the bright side, Amy's on her way over.
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M-maybe she's a little thick in the middle.
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You could lower your sights a little.
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No, there's a thing called chemistry.
Aired 3 years ago - Dec 11, 2013

Jay and Manny set out to cut down their own Christmas tree; Gloria is on edge when her mother visits; Mitchell does last-minute shopping to find the perfect gift for Lily.

Aired 3 years ago - Dec 04, 2013

Cam is extremely focused -- and ruthless -- as a big football game approaches; Claire wants to prove herself at work; Phil tries to teach his children about optimism

Aired 3 years ago - Nov 20, 2013

Claire encourages Jay to go to ClosetCon, where he is reunited with former colleagues; for the first time, Cam takes Lily and Mitch to the Tucker farm.

Aired 3 years ago - Nov 13, 2013

The family goes to the annual school fair; Phil and Claire each plan a separate surprise for their 20th wedding anniversary; Haley has an awkward encounter.

Aired 3 years ago - Oct 23, 2013

Jay and Manny oppose Gloria's decision to hire a male nanny; Phil and Jay try to cheer up Frank; Mitch and Cam ask Pepper to help plan their wedding.

Aired 3 years ago - Oct 16, 2013

The adults struggle to make it to a hot new restaurant in time for the reservation Jay pulled a lot of strings to get.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 1
before cooking it to a perfect medium-rare,
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Then I get mad and tell her to hurry.
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I took San Vicente thinking that I was gonna save some time,
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Nope! Dolls.
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You did it again.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 9
and just thought, "What I would do to have that many choices."
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All right, I hate to play this card,
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- Then why didn't you? - Because I didn't want to yell.
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Somebody in this family remembers a nice thing I did.
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They seem to be kind of getting lost.
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are really gonna tie your whole outfit together.
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Okay, and if you're hungry, don't order a pizza.
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In case of earthquake --
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This old thing?
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I don't know.
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Meantime, you get credit for offering to change
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And you do look super-duper handsome in that.
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Come on! You can't possibly think --
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Nice theory, Nancy Grace, but I'm not that petty.
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when you're tied up by a recently paroled pizza guy.
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Die, pizza man!
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Once I changed the earrings, I had to change the shoes.
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It's bad enough you're being rude to me,
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Where the hell is everybody?
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why don't you start earlier?
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so I figured, what's the harm?
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That dress is so beautiful.
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they may as well say, "Welcome to the Morgue."
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Any minute.
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Oh, Cam, no.
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Gloria, holy mackerel.
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♪ On that midnight train to Georgia ♪
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because you keep asking for my opinion
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We chose the exact same outfit.
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- They're fine. - Thank you.
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You will, and you should, and I'm sorry.
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They don't let Manny stay home alone.
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Thank God. Here they are.
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Okay, this stinks. I give up.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 48
before you make such a big decision?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 49
Well, do you like this suit?
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I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 09, 2013

When Cam's sister comes to visit, he tries to find a gentle way to break the news of his engagement; Phil and Claire decide to miss one of Luke's games; Gloria is in denial about needing glasses.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 1
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That is not an f-word I have heard him use.
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Yeah, I'll bet.
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Professional athlete, little poopy baby --
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That's their address, Magoo.
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- Why would she lie? - She's vain, Manny.
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You would like tha-- uh. Oh.
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That's what my friend Keisha says.
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Of course. Oh!
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He fell into me.
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I didn't feel guilty for missing Luke's soccer tournament
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 14
which meant no more excuses,
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Uh, no, thanks. I'm coffee-d out.
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Hey, girls!
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How many times have you girls seen me fall off this ladder?
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- Aah! - Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
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That's why I acted like I couldn't read that box!
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Been good -- been real, real good.
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Yeah, okay, if you're busy, I'll have Pam call you back.
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of me landing the man of your dreams!
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Hey, hey, come on, Pam, do you want to pick me up again?
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I will not! You are weak and weepy.
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No!
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I killed a bunch of baby birds.
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Um, I-I'm just walking by a construction site.
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Don't tell your dad I was here, all right? Great game.
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Hey Grandpa, great word you played earlier today.
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Oh. Well, let me give you a hand with that.
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- Good. - Good. And you know what? That shirt washes you out,
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- Hey, Phil. - Hey, Pam.
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I can tell he feels bad enough for missing it.
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You know, we all have to protect my sister in my family
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I saw this, and I thought it would look beautiful on you.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 40
Let's do it!
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 41
Oh, what is th-- did she put you up to this?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 42
The sound of you all munching free food.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 43
-have to walk on eggshells around me. - Eggshells.
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of something you haven't told me
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And when I was leaving, I-I-I stopped and I said hello to her
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 46
Well, this was fun. Who's hungry?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 47
Okay. May I ask the reason?
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Yeah, you should've called.
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 02, 2013

Phil's job takes up a lot of his time; Luke has his friends over for a poker game; Gloria worries the baby is cursed; Cam hosts a funeral for the cat's imaginary wife.

Aired 3 years ago - Sep 25, 2013

Luke and Manny have their first day of high school; Claire returns to the workforce; Mitch juggles an important meeting and Lily's first day of grade one.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 1
Are you nervous because of your first day in High School?
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that my little baby's going to the High School.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 3
Oh. Ay, but he does that, too, when he's depressed,
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 4
How many trucks would that take?
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Impossible to blow it. What are those?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 6
Well, maybe we are different kinds of managers.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 7
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Well, prepare to feel like an old denim vest.
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You're lucky I love you.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 10
Well, if his style is so effective, riddle me this --
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 11
I'm -- I'm so sorry.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 12
I'm -- I'm a friend. I'm a colleague.
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You can hang your clothes in me.
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Listen, we just want to get a cup of coffee.
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On the revolutionary war, but, ugh.
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Are you trappers from the Canadian provinces?
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who lived off the land and cried when they saw litter.
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Seriously, nothing?
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29 minutes. I think I hear creaking.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 21
Hey, Pritchett, you're not some hot single mom
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My last class is a pass/fail.
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And they poke into my thigh when I'm in my helicopter.
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Daddy's office.
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Not everybody. No, as a matter of fact,
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I'm firing him as soon as I can find an I.T. guy
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All right, you two in the back, we can hear you,
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Ah, a little down.
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Okay, cut.
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but the good news is, is I might be your permanent teacher.
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I can rally like the brave men of the Alamo.
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Wow. I did not know you could even tell the gender of a turtle.
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- Please, stop. Please stop! - Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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but, uh, no, the time is right.
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I don't know what to pretend saying.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 39
And he wanted to be dropped off a block away from school.
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Have you considered a reverse mortgage?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 42
I don't want the Fonz to see me like this.
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You're amazing. How would you fix it?
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 44
Yeah, she's not going to Cabo 'cause she's half your age.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 45
is -- is hurting the company,
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But I respect your honesty. I respect your passion.
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If you say so.
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Better. Better. Good job. Circle back up.
Aired 3 years ago - Sep 25, 2013

Phil and Claire try to orchestrate a kid-free week during Luke, Haley and Alex's summer activities; Cam and Mitch try to have a memorable summer.

Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 1
You know, but mama did get a second ring out of it
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At least Javier was on top of a dolphin.
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Do you remember when summer meant fireflies
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Oh, the 14th.
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Luke to the 14th,
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 6
- Witchcraft! - Yes.
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Oh, don't let him hear the excitement in your voice.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 8
But it was so sweet,
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 9
but there is a massive pileup on the 405,
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 10
Probably everybody getting their gay marriage license.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 11
And that Paco Rabanne will scare away any mosquitoes.
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I already paid for you, and your mother signed off.
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So congratulations on the whole marriage thing.
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I'm just being practical.
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- You open the best bottle of wine. - Mm-hmm.
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And you say, "I saw a doctor.
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I said, "thousands of children die every day..."
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But are we sure about Oklahoma?
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- Who's Carly? - Shh!
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- Oh, Luke, watch. I-I got it. - Okay.
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Hey, Carly's mom. Phil Dunphy. Big fan of your daughter.
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Okay, let's go. Gloria, better say goodbye here.
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- Wait. - No. Up!
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Oh, honey, no one ever leaves home and doesn't come back.
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Am I right?
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I'm just saying, you don't push yourself at this stage,
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Hey, princess. Second breakfast?
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Mnh-mnh. Gas,
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No friends, no dates, not caring how you look.
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He was gonna be as blindsided
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next to the fireplace, with a bottle of champagne.
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I think I need to go home. Sorry.
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Tell him that... Haley had a hemorrhage,
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the picnic under the stars we had
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No, the blue-and-white tablecloth.
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Well, that just makes me want to stay
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I was just worried about the pileup on the 405.
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Everybody deserves one.
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Hang on. That wasn't my fault. I had something big planned.
Recap of Modern Family Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 44
I say, "Gloria --"
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Yeah.
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is a couple of days carved out just for mama.
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I was in such a bad mood that afternoon.
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Are you kidding me? I was racing to my life.
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...Milady?
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Yeah, couple of days away from my perfect, romantic husband,