Aired 2 years ago - May 06, 2014
Jess and Nick invite the gang along with them on a cruise they booked while still together as a couple. Coach tries to suppress his fear of boating, Schmidt attempts to win back Cece and Winston tries to mend Jess and Nick’s fractured relationship.
With the amount of stuff
we're gonna be doing,
If we could just continue on without any
more nautical puns, that'd be great.
We have fun!
Okay, now I need a volunteer to help
me with some emergency procedures.
Adults are screaming, babies are crying!
No, no, screw that, man!
I'm gettin' in the boat!
Thank you all for coming to the...
Cruise! Cruise. Cruise...
I would just like to say that I
am a fan of your enthusiasm.
Did anyone just see that she was
flirting like crazy with Nick?
If this ship moves as fast as that
captain, we'll be in Ensenada by 6:00.
But from their eyes, you
have a couple of drinks,
- We're gonna do it.
- We're not doing it.
What? What happened?
As your bodies become
one, follow your breath
Give me your sexiest pose right here.
it's from falling on a
fence when he was six.
Yeah, we just don't belong together.
You know what?
You look, you look like you belong here.
Oh, yo! Yo!
- It's weird.
- I just feel like...
night fishing... that I already put
a deposit down on, so we're going.
More than the ocean sounds like the ocean?
Come on. Everybody knows
they're best friends.
Yeah, you know what you can do?
When I say, "May our progeny bathe in
the infinite glow," that's your cue.
And before she sees, just get
behind... get behind the vent.
I'm trying to get a signal so I can talk to
Buster, but it's just impossible out here.
Look, you know better than anyone
Of course they're gonna be
weird. They just broke up.
Oh, they put out. Bingo!
Would Nick Miller and Jessica Day
please return to their stateroom
Yeah, it's... I really wanted
to see how the ship worked.
It's my jam and you can't have it.
about making out with the
other two guys in this room.
I feel weird about living
with my ex-girlfriend.
Oh, snap! That was good.
We're not getting back together.
Aired 3 years ago - Apr 29, 2014
Jess fears someone is trying to sabotage her first middle school dance and she enlists the gang to help her chaperone on the big night.
- Is there a spider on me?
- Suck it up, big guy, and tell us the scoop.
Along with our hopes and dreams.
- Forgot how to sit.
- Yes, it was horrible.
Once you start work, you can probably have this place up
but it was the people at Chilton.
going back twenty-five years, and found some enlightening statistics.
Okay, A/V geek, just pan my body nice and slow.
This is degrading for a man of my capabilities.
My mother put me in dance school and I rebelled,
Yo, guys, no bickering in front of the guest.
and the owner's son is walking around with a bunch of men in suits.
- Lorelai, it's your mother.
- Mother, hi.
Well, we're sitting together.
We wanted to ask you about a gift for Rory.
- Yes, right.
- I suppose so.
Oh, about how it's not a big deal that you're walking around
- it's not pretty.
- No, that's not pretty.
Whatever you want, just make it festive.
- Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass?
- Ah, fun, festive, that's perfect! Crank it.
Well, did they find some gold in the basement or something
I guess this means that you guys can focus solely on refurbishing the Dragonfly,
because I no longer have a steady income.
Yes, that's good.
and seeing my wife and close friend way less than before.
and grandfathering in previously proposed statutes with no procedural delay.
- Oh, sorry, Taylor.
but the deer population in this town is reaching monstrous proportions.
People, do I have to detail the problems that these deer cause?
Really, how much?
Taylor, no one else has a "Kiss the Gardener" sign.
Of course, then you'll have to deal with your wolf problem.
so I only have a limited amount of time in the outside world.
He knows I need money, so he's helping me out with extra stuff to do.
have him take candid photographs along with the other ones,
because I have seen many a ring swallowed,
Oh yeah, about that. Come on, sit.
Respect your knives.
I should go. I've got a stupid job interview tomorrow morning,
- You haven't told her yet.
- Told me what?
But if you wait, someone else is gonna buy it. You said so yourself.
Aired 3 years ago - Apr 15, 2014
The morning after their break-up, Jess and Nick scramble to keep it a secret from the loftmates. Meanwhile, Winston passes his police academy entrance exam, and demands that the gang throw him a "Honey Roast."
The one where you finally meet Christiane Amanpour and she's really stupid?
finish final edition of the Franklin,
I can't finish all this and sleep at the same time.
I just shift over here and, oh, hello, Anne Boleyn is going down,
How could I forget the Kiwanis Luncheon? They gave me their scholarship.
and she has yet to show up at a function with her bra on the outside of her clothing.
and I have a bunch of supplies to buy
No, I put some kryptonite in her waffles. We're good.
and I noticed that all of his stuff was gone.
I couldn't be more relieved. I'm just worried about Rory.
and if he chose not to take it, there's nothing more you could do.
Yes, I've been holding for Mr. Hennings. I'm Lorelai Gilmore...
Okay, yes, we did recently receive seventy-five thousand dollars,
because they helped me put Rory through Chilton,
Yes, but, since I don't have the money anymore,
Hey, did you ever see The Wizard of Oz?
- I'm his son.
- His son?
I swear I will bite you back.
Okay, I can just hang out, walk around for awhile.
- No, Marie Claire.
- Whatever. We still can't wear them.
Rory, you haven't returned my calls.
What are your friends' families wearing?
And bring a color swatch of your cap and gown so I don't clash.
The minute I walk into that room, I'm suddenly gonna have to sign yearbooks,
You need to be able to stand up for yourself and say, you know, "Paris, go..."
Your hair is really shiny.
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 25, 2014
Jess and Nick face some truths about their relationship, while Schmidt, Winston and Coach scramble to make a better second impression on their hot new neighbors. Also, Cece panics after she drunk-texts Buster.
Sookie, these people wanna throw roses at your feet.
I have this chocolate balm... oh, but breads... and soups!
So what are you gonna do about it?
Yeah. What happened when you got home?
- The place was dark.
aunts, uncles, cousins pulled out from villages I've never heard of,
"Good morning, Lane."
Exactly. Maybe she thought you said you were at a smarty,
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
Don't be, it's my fault.
If there is nothing there and there should be, then this is yours.
Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two, the candy man.
I'm mixing it with love and making Stars Hollow taste good.
Come at noon, stay all day...
and if I can't turn over that table, then that cuts way back on my tips.
Oh, apparently you defended yourself all the way through the house
- Are you trying to kill me?
- Nope, it'll just be a perk.
Man, he's gonna make some woman a fine doormat someday.
Hey, you left your wallet! Hey!
Which means I either have to alter or shop.
- I forgot my notes.
- I put them in your bedroom.
Not the point. If you wanna talk to Rory, you have to call.
You're the one who called off... You know what, I didn't call to argue.
but I wouldn't include the details so you had no choice but to call me.
You already said I couldn't talk to Rory, so there,
And that's why you won't need to Botox your frown lines on your nineteenth birthday.
I'm assuming this conversation veered off of the cover page placement?
Planning is essential.
his parents out in Martha's Vineyard for the weekend.
"Stay home and dance around in your underwear to the Monkees' greatest hits" night?
- I'm gonna miss her.
- Me, too.
You don't think that because we wanted the property so much, we killed Fran.
- Not think about the inn at all.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm here to see your mother.
I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've never gotten a ticket,
I don't drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out.
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 11, 2014
Jess hires, then must immediately fire Coach as her school’s new volleyball coach. Meanwhile, Schmidt gets sued and enlists Nick and a procedural television-loving Winston to represent him at the deposition. Also, Cece catches the eye of a much younger man.
I love my little digital camera. I wanna marry it.
You've been dipping girls' hair in the inkwells again?
Trying to emphasize the word there. Got it, guys. Thanks.
Yale's grabbed you. It's too late. We don't need anything from Chilton.
I don't know.
Look who knows what light he looks best in.
That has never happened.
We have enough for two half-hour sets. What we need is a name.
Yeah, but when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to FTTTEOTD.
that will conveniently last the length of our gig.
You'd think someone would've found it. It was pretty one of a kind.
I agreed to go and I am a man of my word.
That's the third one today. All I'm doing is crushing people's spirits.
Yes, and then he skipped off to do it.
I realized that the whole time, my hand was on his butt.
We'll just talk about it after you leave.
Yeah, Tom has a terrible butt.
you guys can stay here at the inn. It'll be on the house.
All right. I'll tell Michel to keep a room available
Chin-Chin and Pau-Pau. Pau-Pau's the one with the squatty little nose.
With that last function, we raised just enough to put us in the black,
God, this year's gone by fast.
Terrific. The last fashion show alone brought in half of what we need,
- The vote was unanimous.
- I was late, can we revote?
Hello, ladies. Hope I'm not too late. Oh, and gentleman, sorry.
Well, I'm here to lend you gender support, my friend.
It's as if we had no history.
he excused himself five minutes early for an appointment
Were you looking at him meaningfully?
Maybe it was an illusion.
Oh, I told her about the kiss at first, but it's weird.
'Cause it's so wishy-washy, but it's true.
So, the prom, huh?
You can't, you missed too much.
I can catch up, I'm smarter than anyone here.
At least let me go to the prom, what's the big deal?
I just counted the money in the cash box and I'm eighteen dollars short.
and our jewelry and went straight for the Booster Club cash box
You'll put your house key through the metal thingy on your belt.
I wasn't planning on doing that.
and I'm gonna keep my promise. Good, huh?
Like you're gonna bullet straight to the top of the charts,
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 04, 2014
When Jess moves into Nick’s bedroom, they both must deal with their complete lack of personal space. Meanwhile, Cece worries that Abby is taking advantage of Schmidt, while Coach worries Cece is treating him like one of her girlfriends. Also, Winston struggles with physical fitness.
Geez, maybe two...
How longs that gonna take?
and see if you can get them into the Bunnyhop Inn. Thanks.
- All right. Heres the situation.
- Excuse me, Lorelai.
We will rebuild and well be back and better than ever.
Id be happy to put in a call.
and cheese around five in the afternoon...
Get off my side immediately.
Listen, I know youre crazed right now,
And listen, Im the night manager here
Please. If Dick van Dyke can do it, so can Luke.
But the spirit of getting is alive and well and it wants its chimney swept.
- as my International History project.
- Youve been very busy.
Oh my God, its Brazil.
Why dont you go out and do something fun?
and build us a bigger kitchen in five hours?
Sephora Wednesday, complimentary makeover Thursday,
to carry you around all day and feed you Bon-Bons,
It would be beneath me and Id be completely humiliated.
Okay. Well, hed like to set up an appointment to meet you for coffee.
Just tell her Ill meet her tomorrow.
Are you available tomorrow or not?
Leave me just a semblance of my structure, please.
- All right, youre all set.
- Thanks, Fran.
Maybe you could make her the worlds biggest something else.
Im almost done, though Ive hit a snag in 1974.
watching Kate Hudson commit suicide again, then we are ordering Indian food.
So, its been a couple days since you made the big decision.
I was bored.
I have a nephew I would love to introduce to you.
Luke, could you sit for a second, please?
- Join you?
- What do you say?
Im not on the spot. Really, Im completely off the spot.
- Oh, school, okay.
- But whyd you apply?
- I needed a fallback option.
No, I didnt fall. I had it pierced.
blocking all nasal passage, making it impossible to breathe.
a burden youve not yet faced.
A second crust?
Aired 3 years ago - Feb 25, 2014
Jess panics when her sister, Abby decides to stay in Los Angeles and sets her eyes on one of the loftmates. Meanwhile, Winston procrastinates about checking his test results for the LAPD entrance exam events.
Both your bodies are changing.
Oh, is this everyone from the Edgar Allen Poe Society?
and let me assure you there are no human body parts
If I had thought to, I still would not have.
You said you were with the Poe Society.
Hello everybody. Hope you're having a good day today.
The first time this young man sat down on that forklift,
Give him another hand folks, and have a good one.
Yeah, the forklift's going where's the extension of me?'
Jess is there even if he's already done forty hours that week.
"art sure no craven."
I'm not taking drama.
So I've heard. Oh, that's weird.
Oh, I think she's ready to go to the ghetto on you.
But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust,
Hey, how long is this thing?
It's going to be Harvard, we all know it.
that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted...
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you.
At least if I'd brought a flask, we could've played the nevermore drinking game.
- Very Poe.
- Very Poe.
- Good job in there.
- I thank you.
No, I do believe it was 1832. It was an election year.
and I wanted this magnet and you lent me the money and I got the magnet.
And I gotta take her, so I'll see you guys.
So, how was Jess' Employee of the Month thing?
No, he's pretty much duding it with Rory on the weekends.
Or he's working when he should be in school.
- I shouldn't have brought it up.
- Ah, that's okay.
and I'm gonna kick his ass around the lobby for waking me up.
- Ma'am, I'm Chief Baker.
- Oh, I'm sorry I jumped on ya.
- Eighty feet tall.
- I'm looking forward to it.
Right. I have never entertained kids how do I do that?
we will check planes, trains, whatever you need.
Aired 3 years ago - Feb 11, 2014
Jess' wild-child sister, Abby, pays a visit and immediately throws the loft into disarray. Meanwhile, Schmidt enlists Nick to be his wingman in crashing a bar mitzvah and Winston throws a dinner party with Bertie, which turns awkward when only Cece and Coach attend.
These expired in 98.
Has it ever occurred to you that the super heavy plastic is there
When I asked you to add chili-topped Pringles, you said no.
I omitted a few obsolete dishes.
It was comforting like deep-fried ham and cheese soup.
will present their speech at the ceremony next week.
However, the bicentennial is going to be quite a prestigious affair.
He returns to us fresh from Broadway
It was great, but Nathan Lane is a very bitter man.
Well, Gilmore, I certainly hope youre signing up, too.
This is outrageous.
No, we have got to have a better screening system for customers here.
and stupid people have stupid friends,
Rico tasted it, Louella tasted it.
What are you talking about?
Are you sure you didnt just accidentally
Maybe it was more than a little bug.
Be happy youre loved, hon. I got a Kit Kat in my purse.
to crush you before graduation comment,
when it involves the entire school staring at me while Im doing em.
to practice her speechin skills in front of a crowd.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Into the woods, into the woods, into the woods.
Its amazing how you manage to hide those bolts on the side of your neck.
Did you hear that?
Kirk, you have to sort the mail first.
Dean, I need some of that non-drowsy allergy medicine stuff.
This is the property of the United States Government.
Ooh, on sale, thats it, good, done.
Yes, thats my official California name.
My class ended, and I thought Id come back for the Chilton Bicentennial.
Oh, yeah, shes the Encyclopedia Britannica definition of good.
Great. Frat boys, I cannot wait.
Her DAR group suffered a surfeit of strokes this week.
Oh, good Im expecting an important call.
Aired 3 years ago - Feb 04, 2014
When Nick has an awkward run-in with his ex, Caroline, Jessica tries to convince him he can still be friends with her, by introducing him to her former boyfriend, Berkley. Meanwhile, Coach uses Schmidt's loft to impress a date, but things turn farcically disastrous when Schmidt arrives home with his own potential bedmate.
And Lorelai, things at the inn are good?
She just wanted to make sure that all our towels are Egyptian cotton.
I never really truly appreciated the Atlantic Ocean before.
Yeah, youve been on the phone for awhile.
What? You said that we had to be out of here by 8:30.
to be soap in their bathrooms when they...
Well, Mom, it looks like you got a lot going on here.
Rory checking her pager every five minutes.
Because Im the mom!
Oh, we gotta get a faster car!
He didnt call?
Hey, look, you wanna come out with me and Alex?
and I saw all this hair and dust between the keys of my keyboard.
Because he said hed call me.
Good luck tonight!
you were really lucky with Dean.
until the tenth grade when he tries to sell me a dimebag
that every guy is different.
Yeah, how dare he not lie to you.
we went to state three times in four years and won it twice.
I wanted to bring them something.
I had to work another shift, I didnt get off until midnight.
was part of a Christian trio, it was only a matter of time
Then why dont they just say that?
She arranged for him to take me to the hockey game tonight.
I mean, who talks like that, the Pope?
But how are you gonna make Young Chui dump you?
A mighty fortress is our God,
and the devil tries to hurt us.
Whats nice about that?
Hold on there, what is this?
Most of us were born here.
Okay, well, what day would you like to have the meeting?
Im not allowed to go home.
until at least six oclock because I would simply be in the way.
because theyre going to view slides of potential acquisitions
and now hes finally home, and shes there commanding all of his attention,
I mean it, I couldnt be more grateful.
Aired 3 years ago - Feb 02, 2014
Jess is ready to paint the town purple when a chance encounter finds her and best friend Cece invited to a once-in-a-lifetime mansion party thrown by music legend Prince. Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Nick, Schmidt, Winston and Coach are determined to crash the festivities, building toward an Unforgettable ending.
Or Rorys graduation.
Lets make it a foursome.
Good. Nice would be nice.
I dont know, I cant read it.
You mean our house?
Oh, whats this I have down for Sunday slatha bang trafficking?
Applying the guilt over not knowing about the Dean breakup
on the Lord of the Rings DVD?
and to top it off, the beatnik who wrote it is the father of the guy
Its a cool book, youve gotta admit.
You can trade if you want to.
- But I already kind of agreed.
- Aw, man.
Were just five bucks away from a deal.
Get in here now. No questions.
Its part stories, part songs.
Apparently, hes the director.
I was a chorus girl in a bus-and-truck tour of "Guys and Dolls."
And she sized me up,
Im not rewriting my memories, Kirk.
there is no one in the place,
Well, dont. Just give me a simple spot.
about dancing, baton twirling and gymnastics.
at dinner with the glorious Emily.
Out of love. And I love you, I hope you know that.
Oh yeah? Is that all you did?
It says, "People are already raving about Miss Pattys one woman show."
We were both hauled in there to watch her try out material
Then you two should press charges.
Why does it say, "Not in any way affiliated with Kirk" down at the bottom?
Yeah, all our songs are pretty much about property destruction
But why would Dave and Lane wanna play just love songs?
One day soon, youre not gonna go home from dinner.
For awhile, at least. Its easier.
Sorry I doubted you.
- No, its not the same.
- Exactly the same.
Okay. So what are you doing in New York?
It was okay. I liked The Producers better.
Good, here it is, okay, so, thanks.
Aired 3 years ago - Jan 21, 2014
Nick struggles to throw Jess the perfect birthday party, while Schmidt works overtime to help out Cece in her new job as bartender and Winston and Coach engage in a bake-off.
have their perspectives broaden and actually enjoy the experience."
Tom, I brought over the nails you asked for.
"Hidden Romantic Gems of the Restaurant World." Well, well, well.
Shes not a lawyer. I mean, yes, shes a lawyer,
- Your memorys that good?
- Youre screwing with me.
Six burgers, three cheese -- two cheddar, one Swiss.
Four hot dogs. Two egg salads on white. One chicken salad on wheat.
Six burgers, three with cheese two cheddar, one Swiss.
and the Tibet with the Richard Gere pictures everywhere.
Heres an idea its a retirement party, yes?
Well, fine then. What is the new theme?
a wave to the mommy as they wheel her off, dinner at Sushi Sushi,
I wonder if Laura Mercier makes Demerol.
You should go.
that ever happens in your whole career.
Just drop the Beanies by the door.
"Selected Hotels of Europe,"
This hotel is five hundred dollars a night.
- Shh, shell hear you.
- So, she likes me.
- Looks like no Emily.
- Wheres Sofia?
- Scotch, vodka, or gin?
- Hear, hear.
Oh God, I hope they go over Christmas.
Then youre supposed to join your dads firm where youll get a corner office
Well, the word "whoopee" comes to mind.
that wasnt built for Napoleon the thirds doctor
to talk me through the Korean War and she said she was busy.
- Is he sexy?
- Does he have a good car?
And, please take note of the fact that the idea
that was good for the group and didnt have me looking
Im back, sorry. Where was I?
Its a big screw-up.
You are a great kid. Shes at Boston Memorial.
Please make sure the light is very soft.
for the amount of concern she has about all of this. Ill be right back.
He needs you now, not in a sec.
The only thing I can think of is the dressmaker
Youre gonna fit into the next dress no matter what.
before I have to drive to Hartford to spend the evening
Aired 3 years ago - Jan 14, 2014
Jess does a full-court press to solidify her friendship with Coach. But Nick goes on defense when they bond over his rival basketball team. Meanwhile, Schmidt is assigned to mentor a much older new hire at work and Winston discovers a new career path.
then I dont expect to see a carved archway there,
Im gonna punch you in the nose.
Youre the town magistrate!
You want those papers signed, you pick them up and you walk them over to me.
Okay, now back to work.
Oh, no, no, dont worry about it. Ill get it.
No. My ears, the hollow tubey thing inside
She is some kind of fine.
and her mother doesnt cancel it before we get to play.
I mean, youve got the potential, but youre sloppy.
in the shins repeatedly for the next hour and a half.
Yes. If the other guys see him talking down to me like that,
You set the tone, Lane. If you suck, we suck.
There might have been a unicorn in the corner,
so actually this date is costing me about eleven thousand dollars a month.
Havent really hit a bad one yet.
So, lets see, weve covered work, kids...
I was actually thinking of doing a little fishing this Saturday.
I hear theres one from Peru that comes with a Surgeons General warning.
the planets are aligning, and I am going to my senior prom!
And I know she doesnt approve of such things,
before she signs off on him being my escort.
By the time she says yes,
I appreciate that.
a facial scrub and a honey mask.
I feel like everythings going my way this time.
I dont lie to guys to make them like me.
So Im trying to make conversation and I say, "Hey, cute frog."
No. He has the best time buying them for me,
Oh yeah. Wow, it really is time to go to college.
Tell it to the Timex salesman.
and we took an oath. An oath that stated
of committing high crimes and misdemeanors.
What privileged information?
Everyone in school saw you walking with Jamie, Paris.
Im not going to resign. You have the problem, you resign.
The swimming pool needs re-plastering.
Im not IRS. Im not IRS.
Im fine, whatever. Lets get this over with.
And neat. And in triplicate.
Aired 3 years ago - Jan 07, 2014
Jess has twenty minutes to decide if she should give-up teaching and take a new job, prompting the gang to recall how they all landed in their current professions.
on time, made sure the little fork went on the outside?
No, Lorelai, you did.
If you pay for first class and the airline sticks you in coach,
Im not content with something else? That makes me unfair?
You know, next time I want some grapefruit,
You will bring me the Brussels sprouts."
You always do this to me.
its Super Jackson and his atomic pea tendrils!
The new insurance policies you ordered.
This is specific to opening small inns, bed and breakfasts.
Jacksons taken a lot of courses through The Learning Center
- Hes a searcher.
- Yes, he is.
Now tell me you got pictures of Jackson and his giant head.
Watch Choate get Joan Didion while were being read "Eloise at the Plaza."
- I already took care of that.
Well, out fearless leaders at work already.
- Is the secretary ready?
- I am.
by a certain person without that certain person seems, well...
Any questions, Mr. Christian?
The only thing left to figure out is where to set up the sign-up table
Rory, I actually know the fire codes for the cafeteria,
I wont allow that.
for the location of the sign-up table for the blood drive.
Theres a lot of pressure associated with international grab bag night.
Way to hedge your bet. Kitchen?
- No, no, no, no, no.
when you refuse to testify for your own mother?
All you have to do is tell them I treat the help fairly.
Thank you. Your devotion is touching.
But youll pay two dollars more an hour
So in addition to being bored, Im getting hostile,
Some of us are here to learn.
Im sure one day Ill be staying in each and every one of you inns.
to show you all some opportunities
then try to sell us lame property?
That we could work at an inn for so long and learn so little.
Its Joe... Joe Mastoni from the Deerhill Lodge.
We had a real interesting crew.
Or drink all the leftover wine on an empty stomach.
about opening your own coffee place.
The only thing left to do besides build the place is pick a name.
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 26, 2013
The gang's survival skills are tested when Nick and Jess take them camping for Thanksgiving. Coach and Schmidt battle it out over who is the best woodsman, while Cece and Winston bond over their mutual distaste for the outdoors.
remember C is a constant, add one and divide by the new power.
You have to use U substitution with U equals 3 feet.
- Class is over?
I cant believe I zoned out for the entire class.
I heard something about the supplemental student council meeting
Okay, no extra meeting this week.
and he met me at the station, and I spent Christmas with him and his family.
I couldnt believe it. I mean, Ive never had a Christmas before.
who was the skinflint who thought up that deal?
and they played Christmas music and we drank apple cider...
- Move, please.
- Whoa, whats going on?
welcome, thats it. How bad could it be?
Of course you were coming. You think you wouldnt be invited?
Well, I was thinking of just giving him the kitchen.
- Could ya...
- Oh, yeah, yeah, no problem.
Dean threw out a spider for me.
It was a really big spider.
It wouldnt mean that you dont like Jess, or that you made a mistake.
Rory, Im doing some of my best work here
- I cant miss the winter carnival.
- Rory, come on.
Were you guys gonna go upstairs and kiss?
and I never put a price limit on it.
Well, its a little generic.
it usually comes with a tote bag and a soap on a rope.
Oh, yeah it lights up and sings.
in a two minutes period in a really long time.
which isnt really fair because something has to be right by the bathroom.
But they made memorize thirty different flavors.
In all the time Ive known you, Ive never seen you not hungry.
Oh, wow, hes revised it. Good for him.
But what happened to Im going to community college?
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 19, 2013
Jess is tasked with keeping a frantic Schmidt occupied inside the loft, as Coach and Cece go out on a first date. Meanwhile, Nick and Winston meet a frisky bus driver as they search for a missing Furguson.
Cheryl youre slicing not dicing, I can hear it in the chop.
Bob has two seconds to get the hollandaise off the flame before I break his neck!
Drop, drop the, drop the tops,
- Oh, Mom!
Phones out of order?
and then youd make garbling noises and hang up.
Im a silent sufferer.
But I want you and Rory at Thanksgiving this year.
so its the last chance for the family to be together for the rest of the year.
Keep up on your reading please.
every single thing she said sounded dirty.
I called shelters to volunteer to serve food.
I get something out of it and these other people dont get a thing.
Okay, all youre doing is making me more nervous.
Im sorry, can I speak to your supervisor?
Lanes house, Sookies, and we always stop by Lukes...
Hey Kirk. Discover a new freaky fetish?
A lady had a bunch of them at the grocery store
Although when my mom calls for Kirk, that may be confusing.
- Thank you, Luke.
- I gotta get back to stuffing my turkey.
It was beyond our control.
Hes the Grinch and were Cindy Lou Who.
That was my mom, and the times just gonna work out just fine.
That was very nice.
No, no. Get inspired and tomorrow I guarantee you,
Whats with the relocation before the kiss?
- He's a big boy Rory.
- I know.
that way no one will know who we are.
Oh, well, Kirk and I are going through a little adjustment period, thats all.
before I enter any room that hes in.
He doesnt like that. Or she doesnt.
I think theyll add a festive air.
Oh, I dont know, let the kids share it.
Whos that playing guitar? He looks familiar.
- Oh, intrigue.
- Who is it?
and pretended to find it with my mom next to me.
Ten percent off for cousins, twenty percent off for nephews and nieces.
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 12, 2013
An overabundance of Chinese food take-out menus left at the loft’s front door is the catalyst for an interconnected series of adventures for Jess and the guys.
Im glad, because these shiny golden edges are actually very sharp.
Its gonna need some glue if you dont sit down pretty soon.
Hey, Luke, we need a couple of donuts,
Because youre you.
Look, I know Jess is a little tough sometimes,
- Preferably the first time.
- Thank you, Richard.
Officially not hungry now.
Frank Lloyd Wright?
Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people
so a few of them try to get out through the windows,
One of these days Im going to make you eat in your room.
- Did you find it?
- Yes, I did.
- Senior year.
Theres going to be a little reunion of the Whiffenpoofs.
Anyway, a group of us are going to get together at the old alma mater
You know, you might wanna come with me next week.
and then the two of you girls could go off and have fun,
All right, you tell her.
Im not sure how anonymous it would be considering
- Its not.
- Then tell me.
Theres a reason he wants to drag you out there, Rory.
- We go. We look.
Sweetie, have you ever been to New Haven?
dress me in pearls, and ruin my life. Did I leave anything out?
Luke, wheres your lost and found?
Then, I think you should go to the police,
I actually prefer burgers after theyve been sitting around for awhile.
Lets go upstairs and look at the book.
- You want a soda?
- No, Im fine.
Take comfort in the fact that you are not doing it alone.
So, now what?
- What was going on up here?
Its time to lay down a few ground rules, sit.
as long as you two are sitting on separate seats,
and you will not be allowed near her without an adult present.
and then you put your arm around the other persons shoulder
Romeo and Juliet had warring families
Ill be right there.
- "The Best of New Haven."
it elevates this fast finger food to the level of haute cuisine."
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 05, 2013
A newly single Coach returns to the loft, and wants to pick up exactly where he left off when he moved out. Meanwhile Jess and Cece have a girls' night out, during which they meet a handsome stranger.
If we are gonna do this right, then we are going to need a tarp.
Whoa look at Taylor go.
My God, its my ninth grade homecoming dance all over again.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Which is great but did I mention the trophy?
and the best part is, he used to be part of the touring company...
Cant you let it go to voice mail?
So, what were we talking about?
Is that what you want? To B.A. history?
He was supposed to go away and never come back.
- You lost my number?
- Nope, I memorized your number.
so, good move. You saved us both a lot of distractions.
Look, you dont have to be nice, you dont have to tie up loose ends.
Still want your hand back?
Because then you wouldve known that I was calling and therefore that I liked you.
- Sitting here, staring at my pizza.
- You think?
I told him about how Andrew gets in a fight with his date in the first fifteen minutes
except if you dance, maybe that victory lap will be you and me instead of Kirk.
- Youre kidding.
- No, it wont happen again.
and its a twenty-four hour thing and my mother really wants to win,
- Are you free on Saturday?
- You cant even stop smiling.
- I can, too.
I still dont understand why hed wanna date me.
- Hey. Can you do me a favor?
I have to say, for a couple of modern girls,
Im never gonna be able to close my eyes again.
Okay, now you two go get your physicals, bring your release forms inside,
so hes going to sign us in and scope out a good spot on the floor.
- so of course the subject of children came up.
- Of course.
- I think I said yes.
Two if the first one is really quiet.
You dont have much of a marriage if you cant talk about the important things.
Yeah, its okay. I finally got a really good footing.
Lane, get scooping! The minute air hits the bread, it starts to stale.
- Lorelai Gilmore?
- Yeah, L o r ...
Okay, well, its very nice to meet you.
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 22, 2013
In an effort to reconnect with Cece, Jess throws a Halloween party at the loft. In an effort to change Schmidt's sullen behavior, the loftmates resort to "catfishing" him by pretending to be his childhood idol - actor Michael Keaton. Then, Schmidt makes a decision that could change the loft forever.
Taylor, all animals have to... you know.
Dont forget stuffed shish-kabobbed birds.
- but Ill be right out. Patience.
Well, I just met him.
Hold it. Theres one more issue that must be addressed before we can adjourn.
No, he came into the bookstore a couple times last month, never said a word.
because protesting is not allowed in the town square, period. Its un-American.
Sounded like Jesus.
and I am adjourning this meeting.
- Theyre cousins, identical cousins...
- Stop it.
- A guy at a place?
For the car. Whered he get it?
So... you got a car.
I scrape it off the plates in the back. Remember I work for you?
Did you take the additional expenses into account?
Plus, Im gonna make sure to replace the oil every couple months.
- and that yours it written in.
I can go from zero to studying in less than sixty seconds.
Yeah... although there may have been some.
- So dont apologize.
- Okay, I take the apology back.
I just kind of felt like I was betraying you or something.
- The honest one.
- Yes, he asks about you
- How about... SOS?
I wasnt here last night.
Oh... what can I get you, Kirk?
- Kirk, none of that makes any sense.
Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car...
Mr. Grind-it-til-you-find-it, huh?
cause youre gonna be making one out to my milkman, too.
Yup, its working great, if thats what youre wondering.
No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it.
So youre spearheading this revolt, Reverend?
We answer to a higher authority... like the hot dog.
Whats he like? For us common folk whove never met him?
The council gave you special permission to run bingo out of that building.
Our pleasure, Taylor.
maybe I will just stop showing up altogether.
- Hows it going?
- Ah, pretty slow.
The very concept of childbirth is vaguely disturbing.
- Oh, its a humongous deal.
- Youre taking this very hard.
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 15, 2013
When Nick inherits some money from his late father, Jess is determined to put the funds to good use and secretly tackle Nick’s box of unwanted responsibilities – aka bills. Meanwhile, Schmidt tries to find meaning in life and asks for guidance from Rabbi Feiglin.
Im gross? Im not the one exposing myself
I am being taken advantage of here,
Society Matrons League? Thats quite a name.
the ones who dont like you and your friends cause you guys are so young.
I believe we finally talked Old Lady Rollins into giving up her teeth.
Plus, I will be way too busy to sit with you if that is of concern.
Oh, well, you know I love a good auction. The drama, the strategy.
Ah, I have an excellent arm raise.
and I havent been to an impeccable auction in over a year.
And you have to oversee the nature hikers next week.
- All right, then, you can come.
- Thank you.
and I thought he needed to be reminded of that fact.
- I love the cheesy bread.
- I know you do.
Ive been dreaming about a place like Beenie Morrisons old place
Im Lorelai. And if you see a teen walking around with a halo
- Oh, right now?
- Well, this week.
Huh, last minute, and believe me, I tried to get out of it but my boss said,
a little in the late afternoon or evening, depending on your schedule.
- So, can you come on over now?
- Excuse me?
You just gotta go over here and make a right.
Oh, yeah, horrible, like a punishment out of Greek mythology.
I knew someday I would have it my oasis.
You just turn it to the right for on.
a distinguished, family-owned company in Vermont, circa 1912.
Crap, crap, crap that makes the previous two items not seem like crap.
Look, if you want it that bad, its quite obvious
Its dangerous to wave at an auction. You didnt see before,
- My daughter, Lorelai.
- Nice to meet you.
- Make sure to swing by.
- I will.
- Let me do the paddle.
How about this? Can I get an empty glass?
that dont get to hold a paddle.
Well, you know, actually, I misspoke earlier because
Wow, thats a lot of effort. Mustve been cute.
for the name of a man that I didnt meet at a function that I didnt attend?
- Hurrah for the opposable thumbs.
- All right, enough talk about pork.
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 08, 2013
A vengeful Schmidt targets Jess and Nick's relatively happy relationship. Meanwhile, when Winston learns that Furguson the cat must be neutered, he is determined to give this feline one last night of carnal glory.
- We cant play any louder, guys.
- Weve got to.
- One, two, three...
- Forget it.
- Zach, come on, we just got started.
- If Zachs going, Im going.
- Wait, no, Brian, Im not exaggerating.
- but not like this.
- We should just rent a space in Hartford.
They show be flogged, heel-hogged, strung up from the highest yardarm!
We need a real practice space. We need to be able to really play.
So I have to figure out a way to rehearse in Hartford two or three nights a week.
We should get back in there.
Now, how many nights a week would you have to go to Hartford to practice?
- with money that I dont know where Im gonna get.
- Yup, youre right, thats more than a pickle.
and insist that she lets you play with the band and rehearse in Stars Hollow loudly
Okay, I will. And hey, you know I like Cornershop.
- Its hard but I like it.
- Oh well, super.
You met Debbie many times, had many conversations with her at bake sales,
Well, narrow it down to less than eight thousand possibilities.
- Hi Debbie, how are you?
- Great, Lorelai, and yourself?
about how they got to where they are you know, all the hard work it takes,
Thats great. What are you doing with the phone?
... which is a nice bonus for Bill and me, you know?
Well, you know, my friend the Sultan of Brunei is so hard to pin down.
- Okay, Thursday at four p.m., is that okay?
- Ill be there, Deb.
Come on, move. Move your foot, move your foot, one foot.
the ones that let boys and girls sit in the cafeteria together, the party schools.
I wonder who their last speaker was - the fellow in short pants
- Independence Inn, Lorelai speaking.
- Im backing out.
Oh, wait, now, youre talking crazy talk trying to confuse me, arent you?
Its not a binding agreement, its coercion.
- Kids were as dumb then as they are now.
- I think youll enjoy this.
There goes that Luke, hes a real talk-canceler guy.
- Have you been diagnosed?
- See you tomorrow at four.
with their ban on dancing, gum chewing and bowling.
Look, Mama Kim always starts out super serious on everything but then lightens with time.
Im sick of it. I mean, I even lost my first boyfriend because of all this.
This is merely a prop until we find my true color.
- You all right?
- Yeah, fine, lets go.
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 01, 2013
Thinking Schmidt has chosen to be with Cece, Jess and Nick invite him to go on a double date with them. Nick is caught between loyalty to his friend and loyalty to his girlfriend when he finds out a shocking secret. Meanwhile, Winston promises to get the foursome a table at an ultra-exclusive restaurant that doesn’t take reservations.
I mean, just from the letter A, I excluded AC/DC, the Animals, and A-Ha, footnoted as a guilty pleasure.
- That was never my nickname.
- Wrong, I called you that as a baby.
Well, we could be at a Harvard event and I could slip up and say,
- Personal statement.
- Oh, the essay, the big kahuna.
Although she did make her kids a snack first, shows a certain maternal instinct.
- Gotta have Bowie.
- But do you have to list every album he ever recorded
- Okay, what activities interest you?
- All of them except for the sports.
- Thank you.
- Do they let kids drink coffee before school?
- Why do you ask?
- I thought we could see a movie or something.
but she did and shes doing amazing, and have you heard her speak?
- Short-sighted morons.
- What now, Paris?
But the audience wont be able to see anything.
Id like to bring up the organizers of this little event, Paris Gellar and Rory Gilmore.
My panelists are Jim Romaine, admissions officer at Princeton University,
Question : what is the biggest mistake a person can make on his or her application? Mr. Romaine?
If I read one more over-adulating piece of prose about Hillary Clinton and her profound influence,
when I was twelve and I was writing the first of my trial essays in practice for the day Id write my real essay,
If your extracurriculars and volunteer activities are too by-the-book, that says something we dont like.
Too hungry, its a little immature.
Its a complete myth that theres a benefit to be derived from early admission.
- So shes meeting you here?
- Yes, shes meeting us here.
Well, you should. Ive unearthed some shocking statistics.
With the dot-com bust and the job market dwindling and the stock market going up and down like a yo-yo,
- and theyre all on the student council.
- Theyre not all that identical.
- What do they call themselves, the Brat Pack?
- About a hundred years ago.
Lorelai, hold on here. What are we gonna do about this?
- Hi Grandma.
- Hello Rory. You look flushed.
No, no, dont blame yourself, its not you. Its those jerks at Harvard
Is it true everyone has the same GPA? How is that possible?
and God knows where else, theyre all nuts for traveling thats why theyre traveling here!
He stopped just short of calling me by name, Im losing it!
- Okay, are we calming? Are we less-freaked?
- Im totally freaked out.
Dude doesnt have a phone? Well, try back later, dude. Thanks.
Who are the Jam?
Honey, Im just kidding, you gotta go to college.
- I heard that part.
- Used to get em at Coney Island.
- A chocolate phosphate.
- Okay, now, what the hell is this?
Well, you are so close-minded to new things, Luke, that I decided to make an admittedly desperate attempt
If you ask me, yes and I have proof.
with a moral distraction, theyre gonna turn Stars Hollow into Dogtown.
And when I die, Im gonna have them freeze me next to Ted Williams,
- Still not funny.
- Well, Im not in a very funny mood!
Aired 3 years ago - Sep 24, 2013
When Jess desperately tries to fit in with a clique of "mean girl" teachers at her new school, she (mistakenly) turns to Nick for advice on how to deal with them. Meanwhile, an office party is anything but fun for Schmidt, and Winston plots revenge while cat-sitting for Daisy, whom he suspects is cheating on him.
- This is a tragedy.
- My bad, sorry.
- I hate having a cold.
- I know you do.
- A healthy immune system.
- My second guess.
Listen, Grandpa, my soups getting cold.
Okay, so please dont hate me, but I already ate breakfast.
We cannot have this mouse running around the inn. Customers will freak.
- What do we do until them?
- Make cat sounds?
Great. Well, she stepped out for a minute, but Ill take em to her.
- Could we sit?
- Sit... sure, lets sit.
makes her knees enormous. Yesterday I spent all morning cutting holes in her pants so she could sit,
Our... paths have crossed professionally and socially a number of times, all with relatively pleasant results,
I know that this is completely out of the blue for you.
- How long have you been sitting there?
- Not long. An hour... and a half.
- Not yet.
- But soon.
Yes, Ive itemized everything here by years and income ratio.
All right, you got home too late last night and I didnt get a chance to talk to you.
- Rory, I cannot go out with Kirk.
Well, you could just tell him the truth. You could tell him that youre not interested in dating him
Ill join a local community theater and Ill drive you to soccer. Itll work for many years
- Its funny.
- Is it about Vince Foster?
- Its about Grandma.
Yeah, well, look how great that worked out for Sister Sledge.
now all you need is a dimwitted, drunken or drug-addicted relative
- Thats okay, it doesnt start til 3:15.
- But I so tried to... you lied to me.
- Shes not here yet.
- You told her the real time, didnt you?
I love you, youre the greatest kid in the world, and youre in a skirt, keep your knees closed.
and this year we may have outdone ourselves.
... a larger awareness of the world around us.
We need to figure out how to make that mess a little smaller.
Maybe there is no way of keeping something that big and prosperous permanently.
and find this place turned into a high priced charm school, pink and white
- The longest.
You know, you dont have to wait, Mom, if you have things to do.
We can do it anywhere youd like. Perhaps at that Lukes Diner you two seem to love so much.
How do they expect us to get a decent education with inferior resources like that?
Peoples names might have been nice.
three-quarters of an inch above the knee, thats it. Any higher, the student gets written up.
for giving us something really important to mull over here.
The donuts are still sitting next to the coffee that we never passed out.
Aired 3 years ago - Sep 17, 2013
Picking up immediately after the events of the Season Two finale, Nick and Jess decide to go "all in" on their romantic relationship - which leads them to run away to a Mexican beach town. But when Nick runs into trouble with the authorities, it's
Schmidt and Winston to the (possible) rescue, which may land Nick into even deeper trouble. Meanwhile, Schmidt makes a decision regarding Cece and Elizabeth, and Winston becomes obsessed with completing a puzzle
- Just analyze my dream, please.
- Okay. Well, your dream was telling you
Give me another analysis or Ill put your Taylor hula-hooping dream into a whole other context.
- I miss you.
- I miss you, too.
We have a breakfast mixer with members of Congress and the Senate.
- I am so Jewish.
- Hey Sookie, wheres my...
- Do you wanna look at them now?
Oh. Well, tell me why youre not painting just the inside of the house?
Judy, Vincent has to go to work now. Goodbye Lorelai.
Sookie, Jackson just said hes fine with how everything is. I dont think its bugging him.
Hey, bacons manly. Why dont you just nail a bunch of packages of Kosher bacon on the walls?
- Hey Taylor, hows the leg?
- Its just fine.
This is gonna be a very exciting day. Im really gonna go all out for this. I even think youll be impressed.
Its gonna make every other banner weve ever had look downright embarrassing.
I mean, come on, Senator Boxer, as one of our foremost Democratic leaders, I ask you
I mean, arent we at least trying to pretend were the superpower in this world?
You dont? Great. You two will have so much to talk about. Bye.
Yes, there are times when this countrys priorities are exactly right.
Just came over to let you know I got a little sneak peak at the final debate pairings for today.
Okay, so we should meet early and go over strategy, make sure you bought enough Kleenex.
I mean, why not just line the hallways with self esteem counselors right now.
- He did?
Tonight I have a date with Jamie a Princeton man.
Think about it have you ever seen a wrinkled cow? No, not once.
Kirk here is about to tell us the difference between cows and humans.
A complete line of creams, balms, toning lotions, and cleansing liquids.
but, Im sorry dont cows eat grass?
- Mom, I have a group of...
- Its Thursday.
Were home, and yet theres no call, no message, no card.
Lorelai, everyone knows that you are supposed to call people as soon as they have arrived home.
Youll see me but Rory doesnt get back til Saturday.
- We wanted him to come with you and Rory tomorrow,
- No, I just like what I have.
- I like a man who settles.
For example, I can instantly deduce that when someone hears the name Paris
- Ill be fine. Ill see you Friday.
- See you Friday. I love you.
- Why dont you just let him pick out the restaurant?
- What if he doesnt have a Zagat?
Im covered in hives, Ive showered four times, and for what?
Close. Jamie likes you and he asked you out because he likes you. Now look up.
for them all of the time, and then they get sidetracked from their goals.
Youll know, okay? You just have to let it happen.
- But not so compatible that theyre boring.
- Someone whos compatible but not compatible.
Look, just have a good time, youll figure it out.
If he comes in here and sees you, he wont wanna date me anymore.
Okay, but when you get home, you need to get a new therapist