Status
Continuing
Next episode
3 years ago
Airs
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 2

Aired 13 years ago - Apr 21, 2011

Krieger works to finish a top-secret project, and Archer brings a mysterious former KGB agent named Katya Kazanova home to meet Malory.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 1
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 2
If you're into power, let's go down to my van...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 3
Eh, l almost got married once. Church, reception, I had it all lined up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 4
I mean, she did move in with me but--
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 5
Well, whatever. And shut up. And if you don't make Katya an lSlS agent, Mother...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 6
And yet you talk.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 7
Because the traitor Kasanova knows too much.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 8
No, you have actual egg on your face. What? Unh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 9
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 10
...and l was trying to beat my record for cramming pool balls in my mouth...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 11
Speaking of, would you describe your relationship with Katya as solid or--?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 12
My God, Krieger, why not just give her the project on a floppy disk?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 13
I know it just kills you that I'm in love with Katya--
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 14
Which is more than l ever got.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 15
From there it's all just Orcs and Gollums and Balrogs.
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How long until Mother sees this? Okay. Ow.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 17
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Faking my file so that everyone here thinks that l am--
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 19
You don't have to. Look at me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 20
Although not in that order. Hey, not in any order.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 21
[YELLS]
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Don't worry, she won't get far. I'm locking lSIS down, top to bottom.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 23
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But he is not a double agent. Are you retarded?
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[CHUCKLES]
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 26
He's your son, not a-- Ray, she got him to quit drinking.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 27
What was it? My bug-out bag. It was right here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 28
I shall check my sewing room. Wait, his what?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 29
Ah, is not so bad. You take crossword, you catch up with your neighbors.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 30
So nyet promotion...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 31
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 32
[SPEAKS IN RUSSlAN]
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 33
Oh, pleasure. Definitely pleasure.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 34
Even if it's-- Oh, l don't know, a criminally insane cyborg.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 35
If l knew and/or cared who and/or what that was.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 36
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Canada's got casinos, right?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 38
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At one time, yes, but I needed a place to sew your suits, you see, so--
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 40
And nobody, especially Mother, is gonna ruin that for me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 41
...l'd like for you to have this.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 42
Well then, goodbye, Woodhouse, and you're fired.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 43
If you come out to the living room, I have a surprise for you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 44
Yeah, it hurt like crazy. No, no, about this, about us.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 45
Okay. Coming, Mother!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 46
I'm all good. Uh, no, I'm fine.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 47
...but l am in love with Katya.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 48
I knew l forgot to mention something, and it was this.
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...is Russia's most dangerous enemy.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 13 (S02E13) - 50
Krieger-san, you promised.
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 14, 2011

Archer's search for his father's identity leads him into hot water. Agent Barry Dylan is sent to rescue Archer.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 1
- Super bad, have you seen a neurologist? - Have a cat-scan tomorrow.
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- Who, nice. - Right? The man you've been having a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 3
- What's up? - You disgusting little sneak!
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- and it's freezin my jernk... - Then I put whipped cream all over everything...
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- really just the, ya know, core group. - Pam, I should have you
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 6
Probably hanging by his Achilles tendons in some KGB hellhole!
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- You little...! Okay, then... Lana! - Yes?
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- As what, Russia's only black woman? - Damn it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 9
wouldn't hurt... could, um, this someone be from outside the agency?
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- Oh! And he sodomized my fiancée! - You're still together?!
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- Or more damage. - One million dollars.
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- You did it once! - By accident! Mostly.
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Not Archer! Well, also very much Archer,
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- After. Non-negotiable. - Then can I bring you back anything from Moscow?
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- Yeah, so I hear... - Damn that... Pam!
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Which is... pretty rare for me. Hi.
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I swear I'm just a Finnish skydiving enthusiast
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- In the brain's language center? - I tink nut. Okay, we wait some test on you,
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Barry?! Oh my God, Barry, I got... Holy shit, Barry! You're in the KGB?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 20
Um, okay. Until then, do you have some sort of escape plan, or...?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 21
Nikolai Jakov, the head of the KGB?
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I know you heff been sleepink with thet,
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Da?! Do you know your son is here, in the cells of the dreaded Lubyanka?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 24
- Touch it Barry. - Uh, no, it's not that thick back here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 25
So what was your plan again? I think I remember thinking it was good...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 26
Were you talking about we're out of rubber cement?
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- Just roll it down. - We're hiding in plain sight, alright...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 28
Or earplugs, you idiot! You know how bad that is for your eardrums?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 29
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- Yeah?! Well at least I have a father! - Are you implying
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- Barry wait, slow down! - Why?!
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Kroshka, he kill two military police. So even if he wuz my biologik son...
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- The unly guy who want a fodder? - Under wery suspicious circumstences...
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- You could help, ya know! - Yeah so now, what are we doing?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 35
- Who tut you women how to shoot?! - It's just I'm not super-big on heights...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 36
Yeah, to the silk-lined sleeve of a bespoke Savile Row suit jacket!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 37
And uh... That way's not looking too good. Wait, wait, wait Barry, there! We'll jump it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 38
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get outta here... So I'm thinking that we probably should split up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 40
- Archer! Lemme climb up you! - Barry...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 41
Mudaks! You shoot like uld women!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 42
Uh... secret police! Shoes! Now! Those cannot be your only shoes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 43
But I'm giving you this coat, so... Hi, how ya doin, Sterling Archer.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 44
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- Who would break in to this shithole?! - Come on! He's on the roof!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 46
What is Luffers...? Wh-?! Aahhaaaghhhh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 47
More of a lace-up crowd?! Aaaaaghhhh! How?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 48
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 49
Did I just blow your minds?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 12 (S02E12) - 50
Oh, that's groceries? Sorry, thought it was garbage. Here, take this...
Aired 13 years ago - Apr 07, 2011

When a mysterious stranger summons Malory and her intrepid ISIS agents to Monaco, all bets are off! Well, actually all bets are on. Because Monaco is basically one giant casino, and Archer has $4 million in untraceable bearer bonds. Also, it's Gran Prix week, so you can just forget getting a hotel room

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 1
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Sounds like "Ben Wa balls," Benoit. "Balls." See?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 3
...a post-Jacuzzi female companion, and for somebody to get up here...
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Pardon, monsieur, but as I said, the suite royale is reserved for...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 5
Madame, the only way you will have this suite is over my lifeless corpse.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 6
- Pretty dumb taking a bath with it. - Sterling, I'm warning you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 7
No.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 8
Um, slightly from where?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 9
- You better not. - Oh, my God.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 10
And how does she have 2.3 million damn dollars in her 401(k)?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 11
Which is funny why?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 12
ARCHER: What? - Lady luck, monsieur.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 13
- Bon. Then I wish you bonne chance. - Oh, shoot. I can't. I don't have any...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 14
- Banque. - What happened?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 15
Shit. Or whatever, merde.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 16
Uh, speaking of candy, I'm gonna be here a while...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 17
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- Here, take this. - No, thanks. I'm not thirs... Ow!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 19
- Three-point-two million dollars? - I've been really streaky, Ray.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 20
BOY ARCHER: Um, hit me? MALORY: Busted.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 21
- Archer, when your mother finds out... - No, Ray, you cannot tell her.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 22
Who are you, Carrie Nation?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 23
- Keep it in your pants, sister. - Ha-ha-ha.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 24
Unh. Oh, God.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 25
Shut up. And ours too.
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- Look, I said I was sorry. - No, you didn't.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 27
Not without my turtleneck, but still...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 28
...is whatever asshole physically holds the piece of paper.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 29
Because your mother's cleaned out all the ISIS 401(k) accounts.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 30
He does have a point.
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Well, whatever's on the disk, Lachouffe expects $4 million in bearer bonds...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 32
I bet you get chilly at night, all alone in that great big castle.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 33
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- Lf they're even in the casino. - Well, where else would they be, Ray?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 36
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Why not? They're already tied up, and we don't even have any rope, so...
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[BOTH SPEAK IN FRENCH]
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 39
- Zoo? Ici? - Go, dumbass.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 40
And I can let all this stuff go for $41,688.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 41
...and about, say, 80 computers for your clubhouse?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 42
Oh.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 43
Wow, this might be hard to drive with such a huge, throbbing erection.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 44
And a Negress at that.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 45
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Well, yeah, now.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 47
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And I never got my swan-shaped towels.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 11 (S02E11) - 49
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Just must be out of carburetor.
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 31, 2011

Pam is abducted by kidnappers who mistake her for Cheryl. It seems that Cheryl wasn’t completely forthcoming about her background when she applied for her job at ISIS.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 1
Because my last name isn't Gimple, like it says on my W-4.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 2
Not a big deal, they're everywhere.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 3
I spent like, every summer there, listening to my creepy
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 4
Oh my god! That's you!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 5
Ugh, my stupid ocelot.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 6
Do what huh what?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 7
The chauffeur had a stroke and slammed into a tree.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 8
I... because I'm not worth a billion dollars!
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Being scared of kidnappers the rest of my life?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 10
- First of all, I'm sure Pam is fine... - Who taught ya how to punch?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 11
For, you know... a modest retainer.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 12
What're we doing?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 13
It's like Meow-schwitz in there.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 14
Followed by an illion.
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Cool.
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Plus an administrative fee, a small contingency fee, few odds and ends...
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Crepuscular?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 18
Cheryl is insisting we try to get the kidnappers to release Pam!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 19
Yes? Yeah, one sec? Kidnappers.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 20
- Two minutes. - What?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 21
Small price to pay for beauty.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 22
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We don't want them coming here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 24
How do ya think I paid for college?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 25
Well I just assume she's safe at ISIS, laughing her skinny lying ass
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 26
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Wh-? Not the IRA, my IRA!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 28
But...
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- Well, we obviously don't want you to... - Violate the First Law of Robotics.
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- And even if she were... - I am!
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- Five thousand? - For Pam?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 33
so if you will excuse me, I am going to rescue Pam.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 34
No heroics, you two. It's just Pam.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 35
Now shut up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 36
Especially Cheryl.
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Jesus, how many Irish gangs are there?
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Are they?
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- Oh my God... - I'm not taking his side!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 41
Brett! For the love of God!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 42
No she didn't!
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I mean, unless you wanna chop off my fingertips and slice out my retinas!
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- Uh, let's see, what else... - Tom Collins, try not to drown it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 47
Ahhhhh... ha!! Who ya talkin to?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 10 (S02E10) - 48
What kind of sick, degenerate...
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Not the phone sex operator you're totally lying about! Cheryl!
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No, I've been up here the whole time.
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 24, 2011

When Archer discovers that the chemotherapy drugs he has been taking are phony, he goes on a rampage against the Irish gangsters behind the scheme. He also makes friends with a fellow marijuana-toking cancer patient (voice of Joan Van Ark). Meanwhile, Cyril learns why Krieger is fluent in Portuguese.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 1
Yeah. Me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 2
What are you...? Sterling, no, you're not well.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 3
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Which I am going to push, very slowly, into your urethra.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 5
- Well, excuse me, Lana. It's a rampage. - Still, though.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 6
Plus I can only assume a Brazilian mob would be a jillion times sexier.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 7
- Name the douchebag who's in charge. - Vincent Van Go fuck yourself.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 8
- Unh, unh. Oh, you son of a whore. - Save it for the fast money round, Paddy.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 9
One more and the innocent Honduran janitors...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 10
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They told me it was cream for male pattern baldness.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 12
Victimless crimes, Mikey. Tell me about the counterfeit chemo drugs.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 13
All those beaners care about is taking American jobs.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 14
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I know, but now in mid-rampage? You really think that's a good idea?
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...and, wow, how you holding up?
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- And have you ever told him that? - What, are you kidding? No.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 20
I thought Krieger was a German name.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 21
- "Aha" what? - It's Austin, duh.
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Me too. It was my fifth best feature.
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- But, uh, it's not good, huh? - No, dear.
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- Pretty sure the Nazis had scientists. - No, they didn't.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 28
Because between the cancer and the chemo...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 29
And do it badass like I would...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 30
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 31
Speaking of hurt, boy, you're stepping into a great big world of it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 32
Because ain't nothing in the world can make me talk.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 33
- What? - She's not gay, she just has big hands.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 34
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 35
Now, where's your cancer-patient-killing boss?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 36
What, Lana?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 37
What are you doing? Delaney's not here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 38
Regis. I wake up early every morning and watch Regis.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 39
- Archer. - What? Oh.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 40
A walk? Is that some sort of a joke?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 41
What? That's like comparing apples to Nazi oranges.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 42
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 43
But, Cyril, I know all about Dr. Krieger's origins.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 44
Yeah, Cy... Wait, what?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 45
The day my pet Dobermans accidentally ate my father.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 46
...I promise you, I will shoot your fat Irish faces off...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 47
Damn it, that is classic him.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 48
Pretty much, yeah.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 49
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 9 (S02E09) - 50
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 17, 2011

Breast cancer strikes the Archer family---Sterling has it. "I'm trying to stay positive," he says. "I can beat this." But before surgery, he wants to bond with young Seamus (even though he isn't actually the baby's father) and take a Las Vegas vacation.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 1
that I might have breast cancer, he'd be devastated.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 2
Pam!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 3
A what? What are you...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 4
Because no one is to speak of this, ever, and especially not to... Sterling!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 5
I'm okay I'm okay, I'm good! I'm good...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 6
You'd think he was a half fainting goat.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 7
I'll know for sure after I get the results of her diagnostic exam, but...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 8
I didn't have breakfast.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 9
Or perhaps the lead container I probably should've left it in?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 10
Yeah, and is it... I wanna say Peggy?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 11
Peggy?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 12
Thaaat... Yeah that's breast cancer.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 13
but it's not, ya know, obviously not as good as no cancer.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 14
I go in for surgery next week, and they'll try to cut it all out...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 15
I have to be positive.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 16
Excuse me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 17
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 18
So is me paying you child support, Trinette,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 19
Was getting all the attention?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 20
I know, I'm not normally a tattoo guy, but...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 21
Costs more than that, I bet to buy acid, Trinette.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 22
Oh, and smoothies, and... and why are you dressed like a tout?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 23
And we've always dreamed of someday going to Las Vegas together,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 24
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 25
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- Oh, well... - I'm serious, you know,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 27
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 28
Here, take two, and... Brett!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 29
Oh you gotta go, it's amaze... zing I hear, but I've never been.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 30
Alcohol?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 31
Well, you do the best you can.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 32
Yeah, gimme another belt.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 33
B-but what if I dooon't?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 34
- I seriously might though. - Ugh, you're gonna be fine.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 35
- Newp. - Did I mention I have cancer?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 36
Archer. Archer.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 37
No wait, we should talk about... whatever's in this IV, which I love...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 38
I've been here since six!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 39
Ha ha ha!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 40
- No I wanna be here, in case he... - Don't.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 41
Ha ha ha!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 42
MALORY Wh-?! What about Sterling? ! Ass!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 43
Yeah, so... is that why you didn't even
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 44
Sorry! Jeez!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 45
So, the thing is... here's the thing.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 46
You may want to... hold off on that?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 47
Well it's not good, obviously, so...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 48
Sterling, there's radiation treatment, there's chemotherapy, there's...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 49
Oh my God listen, I'm gonna clear up this Vegas thing!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 8 (S02E08) - 50
Lana, I want you to know that what I said last... Woodhouse,
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 10, 2011

On Malory's orders, Lana helps Hollywood star Rona Thorne (voice of Rachael Harris) research her role in a spy thriller while Malory writes a role for herself in the movie (with Cyril's reluctant assistance). Meanwhile, Pam steals Rona's diary.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 1
"Woman's perspective". I mean...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 2
- Well played, sir. - Thank you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 3
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- Ha, ha, you're kidding. - And just what exactly is so funny?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 5
"If you like puzzles, I may have a job for you."
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 6
Guess that Tunisian guy would still be alive.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 7
But not Martin, something like Steele, because she's a very strong woman who...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 8
Ha, ha. Oh, my God, that is amazing!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 9
Oh, my God, if I, like...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 10
- Excuse me? - You're rigid and stiff...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 11
But, hey, speaking of your body and my body and stiffness...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 12
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 13
...which is why, please don't hate me, you're teeming with insecurities.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 14
Hey, where's my journal?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 15
Oh, come on. Haven't you ever snooped on somebody you thought was dreamy?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 16
He said it was in a coconut.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 17
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- I'm sorry? - I said, "Come in here, I need your help."
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 19
Oh. "Cut to Malory Steele, the 50ish and incredibly sexy CIA director..."
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 20
- That's where you come in. - Bad writing.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 21
Yeah, but racist overtones aside, it really limits your casting options.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 22
...not the embodiment of sexy, empowered womanhood that you've become.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 23
- Ooh. What should we call it? - Dick Sledge.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 24
I was invisible. He wouldn't even sign my cast when I broke my own arm.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 25
Because he totally snuck up on me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 26
- Holy shit snacks. - Yeah. They said he could've gone pro.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 27
...that this guy... Who, also, cannot be named Cassius.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 28
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Mawp. But I'm under a lot of stress.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 29
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Hey, who am I, Kissinger? Broad strokes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 31
Oh, come on, I just wanna see if me and her have stuff in common, like...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 32
...you forget it's in there.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 33
Now, beat it. I'm on a mission.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 34
- No. - Yes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 35
The forbidden love between Malory and Cassius is central to the plot.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 36
But even though it's super-dangerous, I'm preventing World War III, so...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 37
...from assassinating the Soviet premier as he enters the UN.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 38
- If your aunt had balls, she'd be your uncle. - What?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 39
Which is why shut up because I and Rona, am and are taking the mission.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 40
But we're, like, keeping the world free for democracy...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 41
Look, I took this call as a courtesy to Rona, okay?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 42
Anybody doing a Mandingo sequel? When can you get me a treatment?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 43
- Oh, yes. Take me. - Mm, mm.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 44
You swallow it over, three days and you start to, you know, pass it...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 45
Oh, yeah? While you're tangled up in a half-mile of shit-covered tape?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 46
That's not all. If you order now, you'll also receive...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 47
What voice is that? Is that from Bullwinkle?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 48
Oh, my God, I can see my penthouse.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 49
I just this second realized why you do macramé instead of knitting.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 7 (S02E07) - 50
- Give me. Give me it. - What the shit?
Aired 13 years ago - Mar 03, 2011

Cyril agrees to help George Spelvin inject a virus into the ISIS mainframe so Cyril can defeat the virus and be seen as a hero.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 1
You're the one who stuffed four pool balls in it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 2
Yeah, the last thing I remember was... I don't know, were we super-bitchy to Cyril?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 3
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Right after you idiots de-worm the entire computer network!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 5
At not sucking at stuff.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 6
I snuck into the mainframe last night, after all the champagne and the, uh...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 7
be the hero for once, that didn't happen.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 8
Oh good, for a second I thought they'd brought you chicken toes or something.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 9
Too good, that's the problem.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 10
Not from this! It's just a cute little pirate.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 11
- Wow... No, I mean, as long as it's for the greater good... - Oh, it is.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 12
Because now the worm is in the mainframe databanks, and...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 13
Pam, I swear to God...!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 14
here to Hanoi that they are secret agents!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 15
Because the worm has transformed the mainframe... into a sentient being!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 16
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 17
Sesame Ginger Savings and Loan?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 18
Was. But it mutated, and now we're like, on the brink of World War Two.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 19
So what am I supposed to do, just look out the window?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 20
Oh please, he couldn't fix... dinner.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 21
For the love of God, man!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 22
Ya gonna disappoint it to death?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 23
Rrrrungh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 24
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Oh yeah, just like Cyril Figgis always does everything wrong,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 26
is allowing him to legally marry her!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 27
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 28
The worm's decrypting the ISIS agent list and then, apparently,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 29
behind this foul deed - every ISIS agent in the field will be exposed.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 30
right here Like, one second ago.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 31
Once my little worm uploads the list to my server.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 32
You'd still be about three zeros short.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 33
Or maybe your father, who never thought you quite measured up!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 34
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 35
No, it could take hours for this thing to bypass the electronic lock!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 36
And just for once, be the guy who... oww!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 37
- But I already spent like, three thousand on new suits, and shoes and... - Mine.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 38
I am unbelievably angry right now.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 39
Are there windows, do they face west, can we use the sun to our advantage?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 40
Don't open it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 41
Well, you say that... Dammit, the worm's got the list!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 42
Which are um, real. Unbelievable.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 43
Because I don't even know if that's a real thing!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 44
Ninjas are sexy! Right?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 45
Keiko, katana!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 46
Gotcha.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 47
Do you hear this?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 48
Any time now, Cyril!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 49
D-drop it, Spelvin!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 6 (S02E06) - 50
Then go ahead, Cyril... shoot!
Aired 13 years ago - Feb 24, 2011

When members of Woodhouse's famed WWI Royal Flying Corps squadron start dying mysteriously, Archer tries to track down the killer.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 1
- Thank God you're all right, sir. - God and my twin Vickers, Woodhouse.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 2
See you've already bagged yours.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 3
- The tontine. - Oh.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 4
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 5
...and the last survivor collects the capital and interest.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 6
What? Nobody is getting killed over however much that is in real money.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 7
Here. God. Baby.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 8
Well, now that's Stilton's been killed, it's just me, Scripes, and...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 9
None of my business. Consenting adults and so on.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 10
- ...in Secaucus, New Jersey. - Riveting.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 11
We'll turn this fruity flat into a killing field.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 12
So, sir, perhaps your mother could look after the wee baby Seamus?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 13
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- No, because... - That's what I always did.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 15
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 16
Oh, what the hell? Hello?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 17
Serves you right, shooting blind like that. You could've killed me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 18
He's got it tough enough as it is.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 19
Did somebody trick you? Hmm?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 20
It's not... Cyril, can you explain compound interest to her?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 21
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Yeah. Yeah, count me in.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 23
I don't know, sir. Scripes was the toughest man in the squadron.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 24
And if you won't tell him, Woodhouse, I bloody well shall.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 25
And he was looking at me... My God, I can still see him smile.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 26
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 27
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 28
...and now it seems his chickens have come home to roost. Bawk, bawk.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 29
And there I found him, in the words of Henley, "bloodied but unbowed".
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 30
- Cheers. - Now, let me just light that for you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 31
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- What? - He must have had 50 of them.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 35
Then I sort of washed up in Tangiers...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 36
So I could really, really use a drink.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 37
Oh, I can't breathe.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 38
I know you're not supposed to have them on a greasy bar. In Tangiers.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 39
He also saved my life. And yours.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 40
Here, Miss, for the baby.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 41
No. A little too gay, but...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 42
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 43
Wha...? What?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 44
But you won't have him to kick around forever...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 45
Wait, why did you have an eye patch?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 46
- Cyril, what? - Noth... Oh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 47
You'll never take us alive, Scripes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 48
Bloody should be. Almost killed me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 49
Gloucester fell off the roof mucking about with the aerial.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 5 (S02E05) - 50
Always looking for something sturdy to loop his Sam Browne over?
Aired 13 years ago - Feb 17, 2011

Archer and Lana head to Louisiana to stop an ecoterrorist from blowing up a natural-gas pipeline. (Archer’s also looking forward to a Big Easy vacation.) Back at ISIS headquarters, Mallory orders the staff to go green to get “freebie socialist tax credits.” A flashback recalls Lana’s introduction to ISIS.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 1
It's a pipe inspection gauge, for cleaning the pipeline.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 2
Cause I'm not sure if I'll like it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 3
- What? - Big money.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 4
Umm...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 5
lean and green.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 6
- protect that pipeline... - Which I'm only doing for the wetlands...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 7
Shoulda called first... Cause dat's the only airboat
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 8
Cause I've waited my entire life to say this exact phrase...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 9
Annie! Annie?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 10
One for each cat, duh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 11
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 12
Nope! Can't hear you, I'm too happy!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 13
I am not... gonna blow...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 14
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No no, by all means, let me do it...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 16
Yeah, back then Hollywood was pretty weird about the whole race
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 17
Tell all this wildlife you're sorry when the pipeline
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 18
Yeah, right after I set up the grill.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 19
Loot at me, chopping ice for a Tom Collins
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 20
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God knows what kinda parasites are swimming around in it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 22
What the [BEEP] shit is this?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 23
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Morphine?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 25
C'mon, this is a very fragile ecosystem.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 26
I'm not radical.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 27
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 28
And how and why is that funny?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 29
No, I'm pretty sure it was shut up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 30
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- I mean, maybe... - Great, so maybe he's wounded.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 33
Yeah, it's not ideal.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 34
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 35
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 36
Six, really?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 37
- It's free-form, you come up with a lot of ideas... - Yeah, like using the
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 38
also known as dry ice, of which we have plenty...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 39
Well, we got plenty of water.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 40
Ruth Baker, age 39,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 41
And so... you've memorized every fatal alligator attack?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 42
God, will ya just... it's crocodiles!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 43
What does a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 44
I guess you can if you want.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 45
How could you even say that?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 46
- I think your biggest fear is intimacy... - Ha.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 47
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 48
Oh I'm sorry, I forgot to time it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 49
You know why.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 4 (S02E04) - 50
Now behold the horror you have wrought!
Aired 13 years ago - Feb 10, 2011

When Archer's favorite call girl suddenly arrives for a visit, Archer is shocked to learn that she claims her new baby boy was fathered by him. She obtains a court order that forces him to take a paternity test in hopes of proving her claim.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 1
Nothing. Hundred-to-one he's mine.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 2
Ouch. I mean that's gotta hurt, huh?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 3
One, I don't need a baby to validate my existence.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 4
Well, I'm sorry, Lana, but I didn't invent the childproof pill bottle.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 5
Bring it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 6
Oh, he'll hate that. I wanna come.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 7
And said test will, obviously, be administered by a third party, so...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 8
...given your agency's, uh...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 9
- How's it hanging, buddy? - Hanging great, Barry. How's the leg?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 10
- What the...? Hey! - What the hell is this?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 11
...which should prevent his attempting to compromise the test.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 12
I don't know why I told you where. It doesn't matter.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 13
...along with a blood sample from the wee baby Seamus...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 14
I seriously don't feel good at all.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 15
How could I show my face around town if...?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 16
...and replace your blood with someone else's.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 17
Ugh. I think I could use a drink.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 18
- Oh, you guys are so sweet. - I made that.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 19
Here, it's some plastic dry cleaner bags. Oh, and a book about SIDS.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 20
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 21
Well, I don't care to be judged by a couple of lousy hooker-baby havers.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 22
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 23
...you're gonna get all boohooey and ask me to pump a baby in you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 24
Alcohol tends to exacerbate an underlying personality disorder.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 25
I don't know, sometimes I think, you know, I'd like to adopt a little baby.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 26
- Come on, Ray. - Sploosh. Called it three drinks ago.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 27
Oh, and here's to child support.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 28
Hey, I just ran all the way to the drugstore a liter low on blood...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 29
After that scrape I got you out of?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 30
I didn't have a sip of water the entire time I was down there.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 31
- Cyril, you are... - Preaching to the choir, buddy.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 32
- Uh-huh. - Prancing around in their stirrup pants.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 33
- What are you doing to me? - Shut up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 34
God, how are you even still alive? Holy shit, how am I still alive?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 35
...for the bastard child you humped into a filthy whore.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 36
"Hey, where did you get your turtleneck? The turtleneck store?"
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 37
...because I'm kind of drunk for this. Oh, shit. Nuts.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 38
- Oh, yeah? Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 39
So shut up and help me find the nutmeg, and I'll make you some Malcolm X tea.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 40
- It wasn't exactly planned, Lana. - Okay, shut up, but...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 41
Why are you and Mother in my room, going through my things?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 42
Cannot picture him as a baby. You know?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 43
- I was trying to get him off, buttinsky. - Out.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 44
His first smoking jacket.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 45
- And why are you calling me right now? - I had to, before it's too late.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 46
- And yes, maybe I've had a few. - Really?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 47
Sterling, no one's ever sure they're ready for a child.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 48
Was it when I wanted cornrows? No.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 49
- They only took a bit of blood. - Quit being such a baby.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 3 (S02E03) - 50
- ...out of sight of ODIN personnel. - We get it. Let's move on, Barry.
Aired 13 years ago - Feb 03, 2011

After Malory is wiped out in a Ponzi scheme, she hatches a scheme of her own: selling ISIS - lock, stock and snack machines - to archrival spy agency ODIN. Archer and the rest of the ISIS employees, rightfully fearing for their jobs, must use every trick in the book (ISIS Field Manual, 3rd Edition) to try to stop the sale.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 1
CHERYL/CAROL Or whom...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 2
Hello, beautiful!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 3
The what?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 4
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 5
- So I'd be like, like the... - Regional director for the Americas.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 6
And also mine. Yes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 7
My plan, is to crowdsource a plan!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 8
And speaking of, kiddo, hope you're gonna welcome me into your family.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 9
- Holy shitsnacks... - Is Trexler buying ISIS
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 10
She does have a point, though Not the... m-i-l-f part!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 11
- Well that explains a lot... - I thought those
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 12
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 13
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 14
- Okay... - I lied, I didn't wire it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 15
- Okay, yeah that's... - But sounds like
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 16
Will you shut up?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 17
Ugh... there's not enough liquor and therapy in the world to undo that.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 18
Your new... oh my God, ODIN's making you the new boss?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 19
Speaking of mess, you traitor, your stupid birdbot is leaking.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 20
The sale isn't final yet, Barry.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 21
Yes it is, Other Barry, yes it is.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 22
named this bunny.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 23
Oh. Yeah, maybe.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 24
You really do, don't you?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 25
Yeah, that's how you like it, huh?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 26
- As we speak. - Yessss!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 27
- So us hooking up is still, um... - A perquisite for the job, yeah.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 28
For sexual harrassment complaints.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 29
Ray you lure Lana into the mainframe, Carol you lure Barry...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 30
That was a pretty weird time for me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 31
You're about to do brain surgery!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 32
Not even the other kind. Technically.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 33
I guess you must be the infamous "Barry"
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 34
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 35
We're buying this place.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 36
I think I'm gonna miss you so much!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 37
Uck. It all feels so... dirty.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 38
So guess that worked, huh?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 39
- And once you countersign... - We can set sail for romance!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 40
No, it's beautiful!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 41
Yeah, so listen, about the job, and this... I don't think I can do it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 42
of a lounge, Morris chairs, that kinda stuff...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 43
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 44
Okay, he's out. How's Krieger doing?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 45
Look this sale is gonna happen.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 46
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 47
- Okay now, uh... wow, that feels good... - Krieger!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 48
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 49
- Uh, uh, what do I do, what do I... - Just hit tab!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 2 (S02E02) - 50
Uh, can we give Lenny the rabbit?
Aired 13 years ago - Jan 27, 2011

In yet another attempt to secure funding for ISIS, Malory drags her agents to the luxury winter resort town of Gstaad to protect a Swiss billionaire's daughter from a kidnapping threat. But Archer soon finds out the real threat is his protectee: an underage nymphomaniac who will stop at nothing to bed the world’s greatest spy.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 1
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 2
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 3
Yeah, and if money's so damn tight, why is she even here?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 4
What kind of limit is that?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 5
- Let's hope not. - ...you must protect mein princess.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 6
Surely El Frente does not frighten the famous Sterling Archer.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 7
- Come on. - And the rest of you, get to work.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 8
- What what? Didn't you see that? - I saw you totally eye-bang a teenager.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 9
Don't smell it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 10
Your twin brother.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 11
- So we go with my plan. - Your plan stinks more than that cheese.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 12
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 13
Countess von Fingerbang.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 14
In many ways, yes, but we can talk about that in bed.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 15
Holy shit. Did you see that?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 16
So they're not pikemen. Wait, Anka, tell your father what happened.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 17
And yet here you stand...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 18
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 19
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 20
Yeah, the entire hotel's talking about your little shaving accident.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 21
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 22
And as luck has it, there is some chilling in mein suite.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 23
Meaning I set one on fire?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 24
- Should I kiss it and make it better? - No, you should get away from me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 25
Now, raus, you mouse. Get ready for our ski lesson.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 26
Yeah, which is last.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 27
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 28
Now I must call headquarters for reinforcements.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 29
All these idiots think about is sex.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 30
...who's got a jillion guests coming to her birthday party tomorrow.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 31
Holy shit. Lana, look. That's the kidnapper I set on fire.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 32
And if you don't believe me, fine.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 33
Going against an unknown number of radical terrorists...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 34
Not without my glasses. I was hoping you could read this to me...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 35
Then you don't get to squirt that hot white cream all over your face.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 36
Right after I freeze to death. Double dukes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 37
Do you think I need a boob job?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 38
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 39
Come on.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 40
I mean, I'm sure I've been in worse situations.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 41
Immigrants. Cramming their lowriders full of free health care and snow.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 42
Yeah, all four minutes of it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 43
Triple dukes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 44
Okay, I need you to do exactly what I tell you when I tell you without...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 45
Hey, that's right in my ear, so...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 46
You want lies? Wait until I tell everyone you seduced me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 47
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 48
...the Lars Larsen Snowmobiling Experience?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 49
You gotta twist it, like this.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 2 Episode 1 (S02E01) - 50
Grip it hard as you can and twist the absolute shit out of it.