Aired 5 years ago - Apr 30, 2019
Dre is thrilled when Jack makes the football team, but Bow is against the idea. Meanwhile, Diane wants Junior to drive her to her first real date with Jalen, but Junior overstays his welcome.
Football isn't just a game.
Jack and Diane get all
those life lessons
Clean this [BLEEP] up.
And you think I'm not gonna cry?
But I would be honored
to be your chaperone.
- I made you a green one...
- Guys, I need your help.
No matter what I say, she won't budge.
Just send me an e-mail or
text or something, huh?
the way Cindy Demito just lifted
me to the top of the pyramid.
There, there, little bear.
You're in a loop.
- I mean, he loves?
- Right, right, right.
So I did a little research.
- Hmm.
- So no more girls' soccer.
- Mm-hmm.
- ... with a helmet
- So no soccer for Diane...
- Nope.
More protein, fruits, veggies,
I need a 2.0 GPA if I'm going
to play in the game coming up.
you want to... tell Jack?
Because I've already forged
your signature on the slip
Okay.
I've never seen you take an interest
And that wasn't even the best part.
Thank you, football.
All those college football
games I've been watching,
I'm crying, sweetheart.
- Alright. Alright.
- Excuse me. Getting a snack. Sorry.
Hey, which one's your kid?
Okay. Alright. I'll watch the game.
Good job getting a reservation.
trying to create some magic.
- Hey.
- Hi.
at our Cheesecake Machine factory.
Hey, you can go viral.
I thought I could get on
board for watching this,
- No!
- No, it's the way it fell off.
Is he okay?
For a second there, I thought
these two lifelong fans
- it's getting personal.
- Yeah.
It is high and deep.
- Your thigh okay?
- Yeah.
I love football. Alright?
It's a great game.
I'm always proud of you.
And maybe I haven't been
loud about it in the past,
Aired 5 years ago - Apr 23, 2019
Dre’s sister Rhonda takes Jack and Diane to her part of town in a black neighborhood and claims the twins are scared of their own community. Dre and Rhonda take them to a local diner to show them why it’s so special. Meanwhile, Bow becomes the “office mom” at work, and Junior tries to help her break the label.
So, yeah, Rhonda,
- See? There you have it.
- Uh-huh.
Wh... Did a patient die?
- I'm touched.
- Aww.
- ...just in here like this, right?
- Mm-hmm.
May I please have a piece with a flower?
But I'm such a braggable kid!
But at work, you're dead to me.
Well, maybe there is a less extreme way
- Oh, stop.
- Right? I mean, come here!
Off Crenshaw.
Okay, we have a different relationship
- Looking for a Church's Chicken?
- Eh...
Ah, "inconvenient." Is...
Is that the new euphemism, Dre?
while others become the nation's fabric.
but one of them is DVR-ing "Riverdale."
at Staples Center downtown?
Inglewood?
...maybe... maybe we should
just do the concert, you know?
Destroying $400 to teach you a lesson.
All right, Dad. Ready to go.
You seriously don't remember how
to get to your sister's house?
I can't believe
In fact, all kinds
of famous people lived here...
to this vibrant community
and that should make you feel at home.
because here, you can just be.
Doctor coming through.
- I spilled all of the blood, Dr.Johnson!
- N... Oh, it's okay!
You were wiping noses?
Do I look like your mom?
you need to call your mama...
but I thought she was my friend.
Free at last, right?
So, this is my brother, and, um...
She lyin'.
We know you're Black, with
your multiple savings accounts
So you can wear
five-carat diamond earrings
No, baby. It's all about
being careful, okay?
'Cause it seems like you're acting
Come on, now.
Something's off with me.
grew up only speaking French.
but now I don't.
as "Ama-do not call,"
Now I am the bitch.
"drama queen," "kid sister,"
Plus, I have sex a regular amount!
Aired 5 years ago - Apr 16, 2019
Jack is going through an experimental phase and getting himself into trouble, so Dre chaperones the twins’ school dance to keep an eye on him. Meanwhile, Junior fights with his girlfriend, Niecy, after she thinks he spends too much time taking care of Devante.
Aired 5 years ago - Apr 09, 2019
As they are planning Devante’s birthday, Bow wants to be more mindful with all the new child-rearing rules these days, but Dre isn’t having it; Jack and Diane try to change Ruby’s bad habits.
We've been riding on that for a while.
is gonna serve you well
in hell, baby girl.
if the reward you seek
is not of this world.
Is the vending machine
all out of sunflower seeds?
Now you can't call 'em "bums,"
and you can't make 'em fight.
That... That long, huh?
W-W-Who's in a secret society?
So what do I do?
Uh, look, baby, we need to stand tall
Okay, I understand that this
is important to you, Dre,
Did you just call me a bad person?
Okay, I'd be lying if I said
Think about the chorus.
Name an instance where I put
myself ahead of others.
I only laugh at Rudy.
- Well.
- Well, for someone who claims
Yeah, happy until they get
a bolt in the brain.
"It's not bling-bling.
Like that luxury SUV that seats eight
The sign of a good person, Dre,
Yeah. Science shows that
those reusable totes
Well, can you at least save them
so you can reuse them?
I'll get rid of them the right way...
I love polar bears, but I also
love a big, stanky fire.
I don't even miss my diamonds.
- That would be amazing.
- Just like our public transit system.
not with burgers or steaks or...
No... much conflict.
Hold on, b-babe, babe.
These were made in a sweatshop,
probably by children.
And now that I was seeing
the world in a different way,
I was excited about eating mindfully.
Ooh! One rib left.
Never mind.
I see you.
- I ate salad for lunch on rib day.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Sure, not wearing my diamond
ring made some things easier,
I'm not.
to put all your ideas in.
Jack, after 400 years of suffering,
Sorry, Junior, but this
strong Black man's
And that other guy just gave
his drunk girlfriend to a nerd.
Aired 5 years ago - Apr 02, 2019
Dre feels like he has made a difference with the diversity at Stevens & Lido as the head of the Urban Division, but when Junior tells him that Josh is his mentor, Dre flips out. Meanwhile, Jack and Diane show their friends a video of Bow dancing and now she’s become the hot mom.
on our innovations for centuries.
Black man needing a White man
to jump-start his career.
He doesn't need a Pat Riley.
Or you could just mentor
your assistant, Curtis.
- EMERSON: [Chuckling] Check out my mom.
- [Groans]
BEYONCÉ: ♪ Okay, ladies,
now let's get in formation ♪
Yeah, it is.
Yeah. I don't get it, either.
Did you... Did you say the hot mom?
They're obsessed with... [Sniffs]
Go to your room.
Uh, no, no, no, no.
- Um...
- What?
Let me mentor you.
I haven't seen someone lose
that many young Black people
- Well, I'll start with...
- See? You can't even name one person,
- By leading by example...
- Uh-huh.
In the medical field,
we have a little saying...
- ...then you're able to do it?
- N... [Sighs]
for seven years in medical school?
Hey, guys. Come on, you two. All right?
if they're in the middle of a meeting
Okay.
♪♪
"Orange" you glad
I sliced up some snacks?
I'll tell you in one second, kiddo.
Flirt? What?
- I'm j... Oh!
- JOSHUA: Ow!
...he ties his shoes too tight
and says...
All right.
Curtis.
I had these hot-pink high-tops
when I was little,
I decided to let them do a trial pitch.
I felt like anything was possible.
"My First Kicks"...
the story of your first pair.
Or the first time you realize
that you own 51% of the company
we're not gonna need you
around here anymore.
You know, from the shoes
to the personal touch,
[Clears throat]
- It went great.
- Yeah, it was going great,
Yeah, but those were our ideas
that they responded to.
Is what true?
You think that's why we hired you?
You're not just "the Black guy."
And now we got
two whole brothers up in there.
Wh... What?
What... What... What happened?!
Sweetheart, can you give us a second?
Aired 5 years ago - Mar 26, 2019
After Kyra's estranged father, Perry, shows up and wants to bring Kyra home to Houston, Dre and Bow work to show him the amazing life they can provide for her. Meanwhile, the kids go on a mission to get her one last chili dog from Larry's.
Aired 5 years ago - Mar 19, 2019
Dre and Bow want to send Kyra to Valley Glen Prep, but after the school treats them like a charity case, they are infuriated. Meanwhile, Junior wants to get a job as Josh's assistant at Stevens & Lido.
Yo, Jackie, guess
who's about to get a job!
You told her?
Let's sit down and talk about this!
to make a new cologne
called Cool Diamonds.
I don't know. Maybe
they have her doing puzzles.
Yeah, we were very, very impressed.
Barbara, yes, thank you so much.
Oh, sweetheart.
A-And I made a list
of all of the female clients
the Harvard alumni Facebook page.
- Now, where did you grow up?
- Connecticut.
a prep-peroni pizza!
"From Compton To The Quad."
- Can you believe this article?
- Right?
you shouldn't be, either.
to an elite private school.
Where's my movie?
Yes, they did.
Just because you don't go outside
and became a Jedi master.
Your mother is a doctor.
Now, no matter what I did,
I don't need handouts!
Now they see me
as just a kid from Compton.
Damn straight!
Like the days we spent
with the oven door open
Everybody always goes for the handout.
I'm not allowed within 500 feet
of the "Today" show
do something big to change it, Dre.
Kyra Winston will be declining
your financial aid.
Andre Johnson is paying full tuition
You know what? Here. Um, can we, um...
The Compton girl?
She has a brilliant scientific mind.
who plans to follow
in the footsteps of trailblazers
Hey.
Kirby and I just had
an instant connection.
You think you're like him?
- Yeah, I did.
- And so did I.
and that's to focus
on how brilliant she is.
which we don't.
all by myself.
What...
and wanted to pay for your schooling.
which is why I lied to you.
It doesn't matter whether you're
a Black, White, or a Chinese!
Aired 5 years ago - Feb 26, 2019
Dre is upset that Jack and Diane are getting the same surface-level education about Black History Month that he got when he was growing up; he is asked to make a presentation at the school assembly and wants to bring black history to life.
You're supposed to email
before you come.
that Harriet Tubman invented the tub.
Besides, the only thing you need to know
and people getting blasted
by fire hoses.
The original focus
of Black History Month
Counterpoint...
most people don't want to learn
I realized it was my job
to educate that school.
Yep, come on.
No!
which paved the way
for our modern lightbulb.
- Okay, okay, okay, guys.
- "To who"?!
Aretha!
Or... Or Jay-Z or Kendrick Lamar...
by introducing them
to an unsung Black hero...
Okay.
and opening a public school
for struggling kids.
Son, Latimer fought in the Civil War!
Don't embarrass us
in front of our whole school!
No, Mama, I've done my research.
Of course... I looked at...
DeR... DeRay Mckesson.
You didn't even eat today!
Uhh... a-a little mystery, Bow!
I hate it when the kids
know more than I do.
It's definitely more productive
for you to sit on a toilet
My, uh...
but we all know
sex education and drug addiction
Rubilene Johnson,
mother of Black America!
Who is your Black she-ro?
And that's a Black person
you should know.
Oprah Winfrey is the first
Black female billionaire.
about DeRay... Mckesson?
And that's a Black person
you should know.
everything that
he's going to accomplish.
You know, we were in the kitchen
I'm the one with the degree
in this stuff.
You can't even get on
the Black History Month poster
who said slaves were
a bunch of Black immigrants
Cuba Gooding Jr. had me thinking
he was Ben Carson.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, Dad, just admit it.
Forget it.
pick whoever you want.
- Okay. Gosh.
- And you know what?
Your betrayal killed my appetite,
just like you didn't like it
when Junior knew more than you.
I like it when you keep pushing
for the new kids on the block,
You took all of the lightbulbs
out of our bedrooms.
A lot is riding
on me getting this right.
for another year.
Aired 5 years ago - Feb 19, 2019
Junior shakes things up at Stevens and Lido as an intern; Bow has a meeting with one of Kyra's teachers and learns that she has an aptitude for chemistry, but Kyra doesn't want to transfer to a magnet school.
Aired 5 years ago - Feb 12, 2019
Dre and Bow struggle with the changing times of identity politics and gender neutrality. Diane auditions for the school play and scores the male lead part, but her crush starts spending time with another girl. Meanwhile, Junior's Valentine's Day date goes awry after Dre and Pops have a talk with him about chivalry
Aired 5 years ago - Jan 22, 2019
Dre's teenage cousin Kyra needs a place to stay and the Johnsons decide to take her in, but they have different approaches to helping her adjust to suburban life. Meanwhile, Jack and Diane try to vet Kyra on social media to get information on her.
More stabbing involved.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- But he is right.
But you're lying to these children.
Ah, I admire your sense of goodwill.
Look, boarding schools exist
ever since the Great Migration,
and now my credit score is eight.
and if it doesn't work out...
but you'll be celebrated on
a Black History Month stamp
and my credit score's the
best thing about me!
We are not accepting anybody
else into this house!
Why are you, uh... Why do you
have that look on your face?
And ignore everything
that... that he said.
[CHUCKLES] Now, that's funny.
Wow. This is really nice.
- Okay.
- Okay. Bye.
- Oh, I know.
- She has nothing.
- No.
- She's not showing it,
JACK: Man, Kyra posts a lot
of inspirational quotes.
and the bunny-filter
selfies is dangerous?
Maybe she is just normal.
How long have you been waiting there?
That book will be something
you leave behind
Just remember... it's not your fault!
- Irish scones, English muffins.
- Mm-hmm.
Y-You know? No, just give me that.
Easy. It's like home, Compton, hospital.
And you're just gonna throw money at her
Let's just... treat her
like one of our kids.
were acting like they
lost their damn minds.
Get your ass out of here and
take your mama's jacket off.
We have a fake Instagram?
Yeah, and look at that.
And you brought a...
- Oh.
- No?
You got another name? 'Cause
I'm not calling you "Stunts."
- That guy.
- [CHUCKLING] Okay. Oh, that guy, yeah. Okay.
Mr. Fisher's stupid.
just doesn't see their greatness.
[CLEARS THROAT]
You really didn't have to do that.
We did so good. Are you kidding me?
Mmm. Kyra.
I-I'm a little worried, Dre.
Hey, June Bug! Kyra's missing, man!
June Bug should have warned us about.
gang-infested streets of her youth,
- I won't.
- Oh, my God.
Oh. Oh, God bless you,
Pops. Thank you so much.
♪ ♪
Aired 5 years ago - Jan 15, 2019
Dre and Bow are furious after Diane isn’t lit properly in her class photo. Diane doesn’t want to make it a big deal, but they decide to talk to the principal about the need for sensitivity toward all complexions. Meanwhile, Junior claims there is unspoken colorism within their own family, and things get heated.
say they have trouble starring
even in Bollywood movies.
how to control us
by dividing us by color.
This separation caused
deep-seated tension
Like, immediately after drop-off,
- What?
- Hey, what's going on here?
Mother, why are you touching me?
And we're gonna go and talk
to them about this.
Okay, well, the point is
we have less than 40 minutes
we're gonna go in there screaming
Sometimes you need a Ferguson.
Whoo! Morning.
- then you can handle anybody else's.
- What issues?
Oh, oh, s-so that's what
we're doing here?
Yeah, I don't think is gonna
help me get to school on time.
Oh no, I can't fit all
my money in my pocket.
Calm down, Team Lightskin.
It's all right.
Well, if it's so harmless, Dre,
Well, I do not want them
learning about colorism
have to look up to, huh?
- from "Black Panther"...
- Danai Gurira?
That's why we can't tell jokes
but you can.
Drake jokes are not lightskin jokes.
I have worked for everything
that I have.
They see a Black woman.
Because clearly we are
not gonna fix you guys
Right.
A guy who dances and collects flowers
when they're done with
a ridiculous conversation.
Are the lightskins crying
beige tears again?
and lightskin people ever
since they brought us here.
would you come take me
and my sister to school?
I've gotten some glares from bike cops.
and only seeing a lighter
version of yourself.
Since when did you become darkskin?
then why are you all so scared
to talk about it?
So then why do people bleach their skin?
It's everywhere I look.
You see, now you feel bad for me!
I can connect with her on this.
- I'm wrong for that?!
- Yes, you're wrong for that, Rainbow!
That you're Blacker than me!
Ooh, and I have no struggle!
talking about it never goes well.
Kids, I need you to come look at this.
I used to feel different, too.
so my dark skin and my nappy hair
If you're Black, get back.
Aired 5 years ago - Jan 08, 2019
Dre must take Jack and Diane on a mandatory camping trip for school and hatches a plan for them to escape to a fancy hotel for some pampering. Meanwhile, Bow gets an award at work, but feels undermined after a colleague is surprised to learn that she went to USC for med school.
- Diane?
- What?
...you don't know me.
Kids today.
We should be spending tonight
- You said it, baby.
- One, two, three, unh!
get the extra credit,
Is there any other way to send a fax?
Just another routine bifrontal
craniotomy in the books.
Surprise!
- Oh, there she is!
- Oh, look. A plaque.
and then put him back to sleep
and made sure he didn't die.
Here we go! Cheese!
Now, everybody, I am Mr. Solomon,
Is that a coyote I hear?
The camp staff is gonna be coming around
I learned my lesson
at the Drake concert.
I'm gonna need you to make your rounds,
Yeah, I like to just...
I love how we're documenting
our camping experience...
only has the slider bar
from 4:00 to 6:00.
Uh, how did you know that?
- Excuse me?
- We've never touched a condor egg.
but I'm kind of having a good time.
Follow me, future flautists! Follow me!
And you went there.
Don't you think you might be
reading a lot into that?
Unbelievable.
the rooftop hot tub is closed.
We're already here,
and we're having fun.
Insider tip...
you're gonna want to make it
Let me confirm.
hot, teriyaki, and lemon pepper.
I don't care about the birds, son!
I didn't pack a tent.
Hot, teriyaki, and lemon pepper.
They can come in, but they
can't have any of my wings.
are starting to like things
that you don't.
This sounds really familiar.
So we pretty much stopped
doing things together.
I think that's kind of cool.
Ooh, I don't know about
this "La La Land," Devante.
It's fine. Nothing matters.
Yes, Ruby. Women can be doctors.
that I went to USC.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry that happened.
Oh, I get it.
And you...
Aired 6 years ago - Dec 11, 2018
The Johnsons have a tradition of going to the movies on Christmas and they can never agree on what to see. Dre wants to see an important film about Rosa Parks, but they all want to see the latest action-packed superhero blockbuster. Meanwhile,
Junior becomes embarrassed about taking a gap year after he runs into his ex-girlfriend Megan at the theater.
MORE
-LESS
Justice! Justice! Justice!
- Well, I don't listen to R. Kelly.
- That one song...
stop your grandmother from
harassing Commander Justice.
Oh, sorry, I just thought
So that's out there.
Spending a lonely Christmas at
the movies by yourself, too?
Anyway, love being at the movies.
My secret dream is to one day
make a living off movies.
A lot of the "Commander Justice"
shows are almost sold out,
Hey, and thank you for
bringing your queen
- Mnh-mnh.
- What's going on with everybody?
All right. Got the tickets.
And he wonders why Zoey decided
That's not true.
Which is your right
Can't even believe it.
Yeah, if we want Black movies,
we got to show up.
and... and the Michael Ealys
of the world.
and "Coming to America."
Thanks, Pops. Now, come on.
- Can't think of nothing.
- Mm-hmm.
you better hush up and
eat this turkey and greens.
- On it.
- All right.
off movies one day.
Run for it!
Copies, wow.
That is so cool.
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, it's nothing.
We'll be right back
after these messages.
I'll leave as soon as someone rats out
I'm talking to you.
If we don't support
Black businesses, who will?
Follow the rules.
Tell me what I want to know, boy.
You weren't there, Bow.
I've never once been on a bus.
- Can we go, too?
- No.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Where are you going?
Here. Let me get the whipped cream.
Yeah.
You know, t-there was
a post-credits sequel tease
I would be saying the message
behind it wasn't important,
Cookie, cookie, cookie.
I'm gonna go to Australia
for a walkabout.
and $7,500.
That's not a plan, Junior.
Aired 6 years ago - Dec 04, 2018
Bow makes a new friend at work and Dre thinks she has broken bird syndrome. Meanwhile, Junior transforms his shared room with Jack into a frat house, and Ruby and Diane gang up against them.
Aired 6 years ago - Nov 27, 2018
Junior hasn’t been doing much at home during his gap year, so Dre decides to put him to work as an intern at Stevens & Lido. Junior is astonished to see Dre’s co-workers say offensive things and Dre letting it slide. Meanwhile, Bow lets Ruby watch Devante after the nanny quits; and Ruby has a hard time following Bow’s rules.
with our new client, Hometown Market.
[Sighs] Okay, guys.
Ooh, these Charlies look delicious.
Or... Or the Kanye Western Omelet.
on my own a little later.
You bought him a cupcake?
I don't take cupcakes from uggos.
and no choking hazards
like hot dogs and grapes.
I'll read your bible right away,
Rainbow.
I'm trying to crack
the parental-control code
It's a creative business, son, you know.
They know when I sigh,
they better tighten up.
to make sure that we had
the best product
What's he talking about?
And I didn't go back
to Chick-fil-A after a week
No. Not at all.
so he can see the final result?
[Door opens]
- Really?
- Yeah.
so let's just jump back in.
All right. Well, we do not want
to come off as out of touch,
- so, obviously, it has to be a woman.
- Right.
We do not want a caricature
of a black woman.
Come on, guys. Can't...
Can't we find something fresher
No! It's... It's not great.
All right, Dre.
I'm just gonna call home real quick,
and then I'll scrub in.
- [Phone falls]
- Mo... Oh, okay! Mom, can you... oh, my God.
- Wha...
- ...to explore in the ball pit at IKEA.
Okay. So you didn't follow
any of my rules?
I... I tried
for like two whole, long days,
Yeah.
Ah, well, you know, son,
I just do what I can.
At least you don't have to do it.
I can't believe they iced me out.
The plastic ones
that you add to existing tubs.
Sure, black people are proud
I wanted you to take a stand,
I have to always think
about consequences.
the way that I appreciate you
helping me see
Before we get out of here, let's, uh...
Well, that sounds fun.
Oh, my goodness.
When he gets hurt,
we pretend to get revenge,
But I can't give 100% at my job
Unbelievable.
Ooh, Splenda. All right,
Aired 6 years ago - Nov 20, 2018
Bow’s mom, Alicia, visits the family for the first time since the loss of Bow’s dad, and she is still heavily grieving. Bow decides to throw a big luau-themed party for what would have been her dad’s next birthday. Meanwhile, Mason has an extra ticket to an MMA fight and invites Diane on the same night as the party.
And then, tomorrow, all of us together,
I can't believe it.
I feel so bad for her.
I have work, the kids, and you
to keep me strong.
Well, one's for me,
and one's for my Nana Jean,
You feel me, Chief?
Mixed Man Action.
And, uh... Ohh, what's wrong, Dre?
- Yeah.
- Dear God, Dre!
123 years just... just isn't enough.
I have created
an elaborate scavenger hunt
Oh, yes, it is.
just to keep all that extra money.
I'll be dead.
I'll put you out on the curb
next to the Christmas tree.
Look, I keep $45
in a coffee can back there.
♪ I'm leaning on the everlasting arms ♪
I haven't sung that song
since I was a little girl
- you know where I'll be.
- Oh, yes.
[Voice breaking] I know. I'm struggling.
We used to do so many
fun things to celebrate.
for my dad.
It's the perfect way for my mom
to celebrate his life.
Well, then it's going to be
exactly what you think.
- Good question.
- Gross.
I just think a Sunday party
would be more fun, right?
That's me getting behind you, all right?
I mean, Mom is going through
a lot right now.
This is your only chance to have
a sister who loves you.
Aloha.
Hey. I got to give it to you, babe.
- Oh, aloha, cousin Gary!
- I brought beer.
It's like Snoop Dogg's pajama top.
Oh, hey. Ohh!
- Yep.
- Thank you very much. Aloha.
Six months after I'm gone,
Mm-hmm. Got you, Pops.
♪
Who has a leg cramp and is out front
- Thank you. You guys were amazing.
- Thank you.
He loved all different kinds of popcorn.
to take me back
to see "Caddyshack," right,
Oh, God.
'cause it makes me feel like
he's... he's here with us.
able to do any of those things
with him again.
Oh, damn. Yeah, I am.
I even found a memento in my pocket.
It all just snuck up on me, Mom.
Aired 6 years ago - Nov 13, 2018
The family is shocked to learn that Jack and Diane are not familiar with the iconic music of Prince. One by one, each member of the family works to explain Prince’s tremendous impact on their lives through his music.
born on June 7th, 1958,
in Minneapolis, Minnesota,
Yes, child formerly known as Three.
loved a man who wore
heels and ass-less pants?
You guys are getting the Prince lesson.
You are comparing the
greatest musician of all time
He was short, pale, and pretty.
to become the first black man
to survive a Minnesota winter.
Oh, it's happening.
But you can't do this to Prince.
- They don't like Prince.
- Ohhh.
Yeah.
She broke her shoe.
♪ You don't need experience ♪
♪ You don't have to be rich
to be my girl ♪
I kissed a girl
- Excuse me?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh.
♪ That would want to be my wife ♪
♪
Okay, Prince's music had substance.
- Yeah, sign of the times!
- ♪ In September... ♪
♪ Why all the cosmic talk? ♪
This feels right to you?
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
they'd like you to work overtime
but didn't want to pay you.
Wait, Pops. I can't believe
you quit your job.
Sure did. And that spoke to me.
♪ Alone in a world that's so cold ♪
And it's what helped me get
my kids out of Compton.
Because I'm a beautiful,
brilliant influencer?
Yeah. Dude was dark.
♪ Purple rain, purple rain ♪
[Guitar riff]
♪
♪ In the purple rain ♪
there's lots of music you like
that Jack doesn't like.
You know, I just wanted to
pass that legacy on to Jack.
- Like, do they have faith?
- Mm.
Calm down, you're not gonna blow it.
Aired 6 years ago - Oct 30, 2018
The twins opt out of the family Halloween costume for fear it will hurt their social status in middle school. Dre and Bow take it upon themselves to protect them from bullies by putting together the best haunted house and invite the whole seventh
grade. Meanwhile, Junior starts spending time with a girl from Ruby’s choir and Ruby doesn’t know how to feel about it.
MORE
-LESS
without being excluded from parties.
I was the king of seventh grade.
You ever feel like you didn't wash your...
♪ I come running! ♪
It's an Olive's Garden now. [Laughs]
All right, you two
little babies chat, okay?
Yeah, me neither.
about everybody getting
invited to everything?
The summer between sixth
and seventh grade,
You go on and do your job.
ruling the roost.
These are for them.
[Chanting]
Thir-sty Twins! Thir-sty Twins!
[Laughter]
I can't believe they clowned my kids!
Oh-ho-ho! Let's go on the Dark Web
and enroll in the school as a cooler kid
what you need to do is throw
a kick-ass rival party.
No, no, no, no. No, no, no!
Uh, okay, yeah, thank you.
- What?
- I love that.
Have no fear, little lady.
No!
- haunted house party.
- Haunted house party!
I am going to use
all of my resources at work.
- Mnh-mnh.
- All right?
32 years ago...
RONNIE: My mom died. Also, your purse!
I make no promises.
Okay.
I was with Niecy.
having relations with people.
Not one more word out of you, young man.
I mean, you got the whole
seventh grade here,
Jack Johnson, Diane Johnson.
who will play radio edits
of all your favorite songs.
Hype Twins! Hype Twins!
[Children screaming]
Has anyone seen Joshua?
If you like, there's
40 more boxes downstairs.
Yeah, it ruined middle school for me.
Now, I know you want to protect the kids
Pushing through made me stronger.
Yeah. It happens fast.
Grandma, before you throw that at me,
You know Grandma
don't really give a damn
and it's all happening in front of me.
Aired 6 years ago - Oct 23, 2018
The neighbors decide to rent their house out for homestays and it’s causing problems for the Johnsons. Dre develops a newfound joy of calling the cops over petty neighborhood issues but begins to question the example he is setting for Jack. Meanwhile, Diane develops her first crush and Bow wants to help but lets Zoey take the lead.
Oh-ho! Been there.
What's the big deal about
having renters on your street?
that only dialed 911,
But I never snitched on that bagel.
you call the ambulance, right?
Ugh, but my eyes are closed.
Ooh... hi.
You do.
- Right?
- Oh, my God! Yes, yes!
- Ooh, yeah.
- No, that's... No, don't.
to ice cream... with a boy.
I wish there was something we could do.
Hope no one tries to key it.
Hey, want to help me measure it
Time.
But I was secure in the fact
that my castle
that might be great for
your ice cream situation.
Got it.
Hey, this is Zoey. Leave a message.
So... please help me.
This is Diane.
I-I have to get up early
tomorrow for my Tinder date.
Don't want to call the cops
because they're...
You grew up with them. Okay.
I cannot go viral.
Wyatt texted me, and I didn't
know how to respond.
Oh.
when you don't want to
seek revenge on someone?
with his first words being...
the A-word... or the B-word.
Damn it, why couldn't I have a pit bull?
You know, I just wanted to, uh,
All right. Okay.
thank you guys, you know,
for being, uh, so cool.
Whenever I smoke my cataract medicine,
Describe them?
This lobster roll is insane.
You're at a place I'm at.
Okay, I get that you're
in college now, Zoey,
That's what you did!
Aired 6 years ago - Oct 16, 2018
After dropping Junior off at college, Dre and Bow are beside themselves when they find him back at home announcing his decision to take a gap year. Meanwhile, Jack and Diane begin to question whether they should still be sharing a room.
Pops, it is not some white stuff.
You are monster food right now.
Oh, wait a minute. So... [chuckles]
Oh, no.
Watching you and Jack
You're a young lady now,
we're like bacon and eggs.
I'm trying to make my triceps pop.
Ah, one of those Doogie Howser
types, huh? [Chuckles]
and become the men we were meant to be.
For us. But not great for you guys.
I've been an unwilling party
are more likely to stay well-to-do,
But, really, it all stems
from institutionalized racism
Except for the 5 Freeway.
for me and my brethren not to hire him.
Hopefully, Bow was making some progress
Fam, you don't have a major?
Why'd he keep saying "bong"?
It's not nerves, and...
it wasn't just Marques.
- Do you?
- I do.
I-I don't really have one.
So, do you have, like, a...
um, like, a notion,
Uh, Junior has no plan.
- I'm Dr. Rainbow Johnson.
- Yes, you are.
You know what? I...
I'ma go up there,
and I'ma snatch his ass,
to buy cheap amphetamine salts.
He's a man.
M-My bad.
- Well, I'm gonna go to the kitchen.
- Okay.
You're so lucky that you get
to share a room with a girl.
Junior was a man now,
Nope. Unh-unh.
[Grunting]
You ran the numbers?
Listen, Dad.
Then let's take money out of it.
But a man has to realize
Well, I've, uh,
already done the paperwork,
A kid who's gonna go back
to school because I say so.
Fine.
I told him either
go back to school or move out,
and I'm not kicking you out!
that the world was much bigger
than my block.
and they are still spinning.
I think that that strong,
honest young man you both raised
Besides, living here rent-free
I-I'm good.