To avoid a suicide mission, Stan must beat Bullock in a DJ battle; Jeff starts drinking psychedelic teas and builds an imaginary musical instrument with Roger's help.
Stan and Steve start bowling for more quality time together; Klaus holds a contest to see whether Roger or Hayley has the worse attention span.
Stan goes on a mission to find out who didn't bring a gift to the CIA's Secret Santa party; Steve poses as the good boyfriend for several female classmates.
Stan brings President Garfield back to life to teach Hayley about history; Steve joins the school newspaper.
Stan discovers a salt mine in the backyard, but Steve turns out to be the rightful owner of the land, and faces pressure from the family to sell.
Francine convinces Stan to let Roger play in his basketball league; Steve sings a parody of R. Kelley's "Trapped in the Closet".
Stan and Francine lose their memories and resort to primitive living on an island; Jeff enlists in the Navy after he and Hayley are rescued; Roger and Steve try to survive on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean.
Stan loses his faith after Steve questions everything in the Bible, so Stan takes the family to Korea to investigate the rumors of a reinvented Noah's Ark.
Francine joins Steve and his pals for a live-action role-playing game; Stan opens a Seaworld knock-off in the house.
When Stan is on a mission, Francine pretends she's a widow. Steve and his friends play wrestling and get beat up by Principal Lewis.
Roger loses his identity after becoming fascinated by a local dentist's wife. Meanwhile, Klaus throws a party when Stan and the kids are unable to move from being sore after working out.
Steve and Snot alter their futures when they throw a party for the uncool kids. Meanwhile, Roger is disgruntled when a waitress doesn't compliment his order.
Stan, tattooed and haunted, travels a barren Langley Falls alone. Meanwhile, a mysterious element known as "The Two Hundred" has reigned terror on the town and separated Stan from his family.
Francine sets out to help news anchor Greg when he and Terry split up. Roger becomes obsessed with a fictional boy from an old game called Dream Phone.
Roger becomes a teacher at Steve's school and gets involved with a class of underprivileged kids. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine visit a retirement home and Stan decides to stay.
When Stan is given the task of putting together the CIA calendar, Hayley attempts to destroy it. Meanwhile, Roger gets a Discover card and fakes his death to get out of paying the enormous balance.
Stan gets Francine baseball tickets for her birthday but is upset when they have a horrible kiss on the kiss cam. Steve and Roger head to Nevada to help clean polluted water.
Stan goes undercover as a surfer a la Point Break. Steve befriends a drifter, Hayley might be pregnant, and Roger wants the World Cup to be held in the backyard.
Steve goes to work with Stan and discovers the N.S.A.. Hayley decides to let go of being a vegetarian and eat meat for one day.
Hayley mentally regresses to a 6-year-old. Steve and his pals get a slow cooker.
Steve joins the high school water polo team to get girls. Meanwhile, Roger and Stan get a boat.
Stan sets out to stop a tree that he considers his father from being cut down. Steve realizes he's stopped growing and considers surgery.
