The Big Bang Theory

Leonard and Penny struggle to recover from an awkward first hookup while Sheldon and Howard stake their best comic books on a bet to determine the species of a cricket.

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If that’s Morse code, that’s terrible.

#2

Maybe an airplane headed for a mountainside.

#3

Let’s see if he can figure it out.

#4

Yeah, it’s a perfectly good word.

#5

Okay?

#6

No.

#7

Actually, ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction

#8

No, you’re misunderstanding

#9 #10

(cricket crping)

#11

a fixed relationship between the number

#12

Okay, you were right about wolverine and bone claws,

#13

childhood years capturing them with nets,

#14

(cricket chirping)

#15

I’ve always found that an inappropriate slur.

#16

I believe a chicken made you his bitch.

#17

the classicFlash of two worlds issue.

#18

(chirping continues)

#19

More wine? Hit me.

#20 #21

My stomach.

#22

(chirping)

#23

Don’t push me, Sheldon.

#24

or the classic "Why are you hitting yourself?"

#25

Peppermint schnapps.

#26

Schnapps.

#27

Stairwell.

#28

(vomiting)

#29 #30

His name isn’t Toby

#31

The common field cricket,

#32

That is not Toby,

#33

Shiksa. Shik-sa.

#34

what kind of cricket Toby is.

#35

Holy crap.

#36

Yeah, well, I don’t like bugs, okay?

#37

You’re welcome

#38

Who wants to know?

#39

Let me ask you one first.

#40

(sarcastic laugh)

#41

Of course I can.

#42 #43

Young man, I’ve been studying insects

#44

That’s a Crawley’s dung beetle

#45

you that that’s a common field cricket,

#46

Congratulations.

#47 #48

in an ill-considered cricket wager.

#49

I don’t know, empathy?

#50

ever since the sweaty night of ’06.

#51

but you’re wrong about the cricket.

#52

The science chirps for itself.

#53

(chuckling): Humorous word play.

#54

I spent many

#55

putting them in glass jars, sticking pins through them,

#56

underneath, identifying the genus and species.

#57 #58

Oh, dude, you are never getting a shiksa goddess.

#59

Thatis a snowy tree cricket.

#60

I was done with Latin by fifth grade.

#61

I am willing to bet anything

#62

What’s the matter, you chicken?

#63

Chickens are not, by nature,

#64

my neighbor’s chicken got loose

#65 #66 #67 #68

Fair enough.

#69

I will put up my Fantastic Four number 48,

#70

first appearance of Silver Surfer

#71

the classicFlash of two worlds issue.

#72

Hmm. Great.

#73

There is no way to determine the species

#74

(cricket chirping)

#75

(chirping continues)

#76

I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.

#77 #78 #79 #80 #81

I don’t see anything.

#82

(cricket chirping)

#83 #84

(groaning)

#85 #86 #87 #88

My stomach.

#89

Ironic, isn’t it?

#90

Shh!

#91 #92

Help me open it.

#93

Fine, if you don’t want to proceed,

#94 #95

Are you bothered that I can so easily manipulate you?

#96

I may be small, but I took kung fu when I was 13,

#97

and I remember a good deal of it.

#98

and a very contentious twin sister.

#99

in any physical confrontation-- be it noogies, swirlies

#100 #101

Ooh, big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.

#102 #103 #104

Peppermint schnapps.

#105

Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?

#106

and it’s fun to say schnapps.

#107

Hey, Leonard? What?

#108

Schnapps.

#109 #110

SHELDON: If I were not being careful,

#111 #112

Stairwell.

#113

I need some batteries.

#114 #115 #116 #117

Oh, sweetie.

#118 #119

and then I’m gonna rock your world.

#120 #121

Are you okay?

#122 #123

Ugh, Toby, what did you do in a past life

#124

to be so disgusting now?

#125

Toby is an absurd name for a cricket.

#126

For example, Jiminy.

#127

Kleingast’s Field Guide to North American Insects.

#128

Right here.

#129

AKA Gryllus assimilis,

#130

Hang on.

#131

AKA Oecanthus fultoni,

#132

because the Latin for that isnihil exsorbibo.

#133

That is not Toby,

#134

Oh, I really don’t care anymore

#135

God, I had the most horrible night.

#136

Obviously another carnal fiasco with the shiksi goddess.

#137 #138

And if it was, it wasn’t spoken for long.

#139

The point is, you’re wrong again.

#140

Tell you what. Let’s go down

#141

what kind of cricket Toby is.

#142

I bet I could throw a rock in this room

#143

and come up with three better friends.

#144 #145

Holy crap.

#146 #147 #148

Don’t do that!

#149

They’re just bugs.

#150

You’re afraid of insects and women.

#151

Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

#152

It was a joke.

#153 #154 #155

Just walk in.

#156

on the dung beetle?

#157

Who wants to know?

#158

I’m Dr. Cooper from the Physics Department.

#159

I haven’t even packed yet,

#160

for one of your godless laser machines.

#161 #162

Let me ask you one first.

#163

and 20 years of experience to do with his life

#164

when the university cuts off the funding for his lab, huh?

#165

that make people uncomfortable?

#166

What’s your deal?

#167

Are they planning to outsource my job to Bangalore?

#168 #169

Professor, can you identify our cricket?

#170

I can identify every insect and arachnid on the planet.

#171

to keep me from having to move in with my daughter in Oxnard.

#172 #173

in the onion fields.

#174 #175

Toby?

#176 #177

Yes! No, no, wait.

#178

Young man, I’ve been studying insects

#179

in school?

#180

Cruel as that may be,

#181

Let me show you something.

#182

That’s a Crawley’s dung beetle

#183

through a Bornean rain forest,

#184

shacking up with a two-bit ornithologist

#185

and likes to wear boot-cut jeans!

#186

you that that’s a common field cricket,

#187

you can take that to the damn bank!

#188 #189 #190

Congratulations.

#191 #192

Enjoy Oxnard.

#193

I’m sure your daughter’s looking forward to having you.

#194 #195

Oh, hey, Sheldon.

#196

I just retrieved it from my safe deposit box.

#197

What do you have a safe deposit box for?

#198

I lost this to Wolowitz

#199