S13 E2
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Season 13  "The Perfect Car for a 17 Year-old"  13x2

Aired 10 years ago - Jun 28, 2009

Jeremy, James and Richard attempt to find the perfect car for a 17 year-old. Normal service resumes in Abu Dhabi with Richard, a Lamborghini Murcielago SV and a race between a Bugatti Veyron and a McLaren F1. Stephen Fry is the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.

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Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 1
If you're a 17-year-old boy and you need car insurance, slice your penis off.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 2
'The phoning went on, until eventually we had a list of cars that could be bought and insured
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 3
Not much in it and nothing you I mean, look at that
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 4
Can you imagine a 17-year-old in a Suzuki Wagon R+? Thanks(!) 1L.
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'So, we got back on the phones pretending to be Dad.'
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'Finally, we were in business.'
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'and I was the first to arrive.'
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It's a Golf and that's really all there is to say about it.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 9
for very occasional use, such as today, when I've just come to see my mates.
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Is it an S Coupe?
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It's a coupe! It's magnificent. 85bhp,
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'a geography teacher arrived.'
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The perfect car for any 17-year-old. Why?! Why? Y-yes!
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They did do a turbo... What is that?! A Hyundai S Coupe
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There's another very important issue that we must address.
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Look at the amount of metal between him and the tree he will inevitably hit.
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Thank you.
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Ha! You've had it!
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You? £500. You?
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'Two days later, our wheels were ready and I'd gone for the thing girls love most -
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but it's close enough. And I've customised it to fit perfectly.
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Well, when I say water bed, what I mean is... Well, it's a lilo.
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And then, to finish it all off, some simple, hand-painted turbo motifs.
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on exactly what a 17-year-old wants -
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BAROQUE MUSIC PLAYS
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'While he went for a wee, Richard and I decided to improve his car
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What have we got?
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We need to glue the whole damn thing, literally every button.
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That is... This will brighten his day.
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Ooh, yeah.
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and the answer to that is yes.
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'at the bottom of a very slippery field.'
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Maybe we'll have converted him? THEY LAUGH
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Ah! This'll answer the question.
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"all their camping equipment and stuff into their car
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That has to be medical. It must be.
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So, that's a piece of cake. Ah!
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Nobody's ever said that before. 'James struggled to get everything in his Golf,
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I'm outta here.
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'Hammond completely forgot about his new body kit.'
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'As Hammond and I floundered on the green ice,
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James has got the right idea. It's speed, weirdly.
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Yes.
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Here we go!
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No.
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Oh, please!
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We will pick that up later on. Can I just point out that before we do move on,
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Which they will if it's got a body kit on.
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And then one day, you'll be in the showers and a big, strange man...
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LAUGHTER
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What do you do on a driving test if you don't pass it? You...
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A traffic light went red as I came up to it and the examiner said, "Proceed as you normally would,"
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We were going along and all of a sudden, he hit the dashboard
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No, I was being correct. He was anticipating an emergency stop, not an argument, you fool! Was he?
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at the other end of the scale from our failure, you turned up with some scissors in your pocket,
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That's really what it was. When he said, the man,
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what I heard was, "Congratulations,- Mr Clarkson, you are the best driver I've ever seen in my life."
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surrounded by sheep that were no longer alive and bits of what used to be my mum's Audi.
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which is important and we got distracted
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To prop up the car industry, the Government is encouraging you to scrap old cars and buy new ones.
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to help Kim Jong-il buy nuclear weapons.
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the other is a totalitarian regime,- allegedly making weapons of mass destruction.
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Why would the South Koreans nuke Hammersmith?
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This is an important point. It is more ecological - and this is a fact,
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than it is to scrap it, throw it away and build a new one. True fact.
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and not Kim Jong-il. LAUGHTER
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Everyone had said it's superbike fast and I thought, "Oh, come on, don't be ridic...argh!"
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They're saying it's got more than 500 horsepower
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That's just staggering. A Bugatti Veyron, to put that in perspective,- is 521bhp per tonne,
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It's £100,000, but I don't believe cars can get better than that.
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You strap wardrobes, chests of drawers on there and... They've thought about it. See?
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That makes the worst noise... What?! It makes the best noise!
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It's like driving along - what's that opera singer called - Katherine...er...Jenkins!
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Lady Chatterley, goes in the barn with the gardener, in the hay,
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That's my point, it's a brilliant noise. The supercharger whine is a mechanical driving sound.
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so the cooler will be mine in 19 days, right -
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..the best noise that had ever come- out of a car came out of the stereo- in my 17-year-old Golf
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Actually, while we're on the subject of this,
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and the Daily Star, in an editorial, says that we've upset the Scouts and the Catholic Church
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Germans, blind people, anti-hunt protesters and smokers.
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How dare they? How dare they suggest that we would be rude to smokers?!!
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and I thought, "Why just do it at the track?"
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HOOFBEATS
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But the truth is, the place is shot- through with a love of speed...
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'the brand-new Lamborghini Murcielago.'
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Between me and it is a four-mile, arrow-straight stretch of highway.
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TYRES SQUEAL
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150.
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Whoa!
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or, to put it in plain English... the fastest Lamborghini ever made.
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'because a brand-new replacement is coming next year.
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'because from every angle, this last hurrah looks absolutely evil.'
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If a Toyota Prius came up behind and saw that, it would wet its pants.
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'So, LP670-4 SV.'
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The LP stands for...something.
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and also, quite a lot.
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It's got a lighter exhaust system, more of it's made of carbon fibre
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0-60, 3.2 seconds.
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Because that noise...
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and it too will die along with this car.
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'And I'm not the only one who thinks this car has a human soul.'
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Here's Mercedes talking about the exhaust on the SL Black.
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"a distinctive 12-cylinder sound from the two trapezoidal tailpipes."
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"through the trumpeting of mighty elephants, to the roar of a raging lion."
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You just get the sense that before this car dies, they actually wanted- to make it come to life.
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has transformed it into a completely different car.
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Don't get me wrong, it's still a big, scary car,
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Yeah, this'd be a lot easier if the desert would stay still.
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It is!
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'..but with the more rarefied and expensive hypercars.'
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That's an SLR 722 - like an SLR, only more.
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'let's see if the 722 can keep its royal status
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TYRES SQUEAL
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Try that on, fella.
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Man, this is close!
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Whoa! Braking up to the red light quite hard.
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I was there, alongside hypercar royalty. Compared to that,
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Quite a swan song.
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'the Murcielago has become one of the all-time supercar greats.'
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There's some evidence on these seats that you had a crisis.
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Thing is though, you've always said- that your favourite supercar is the Zonda F, OK?
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Come on!
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LAUGHTER
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top of our leader board.
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What? BOOING
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I have to work with that, week in week out.
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with German piano wire...
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All we know is that's three things he has in common with Margaret Beckett.
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Right, coming up to the first corner and he's coming in very hot.
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Stig seems to have it all under control at the moment though.
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Hammerhead. This is where understeer should rear its head.
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And the third thing, obviously,
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so that's probably why he's lifted off through the tyres.
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this car really is Widow Twankey with a wing.
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It did it in...
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It's moved up.
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It doesn't lie, the F's faster.
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He's the voice of the Harry Potter audiotapes, Blackadder,
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the only thing we can be sure he hasn't done,
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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What you're really saying is
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Yeah, gasp. Thank you.
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LAUGHTER No, you're pulling that face,
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For example, I've just had Tim Robbins in my ear
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I have no idea. You would know, you'd remember.
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without the sound of you wafting out of the children's bedrooms.
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It staggers me, you've managed to lose all this weight
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Nobody loses weight in America.
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and by about a month or twoafterwards I was at my full 21 stone.
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I did. I actually went to the General Motors Headquarters
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Yeah. And he said, "We're still the biggest automobile company in the world."
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And when he went to college to do automotive design
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If he'd tried that in Australia! Oh, yes!
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Yeah.
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in a time that was impossible if you hadn't driven in bus lanes.
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It is illegal for me to drive in bus lanes.
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You read that thing, it says from seven till something.
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And it says, "Buses and good vehicles only".
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It's like ones that say, "access only".
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Yes, it's become rather a large number.
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of a specific type of mobile telephone.
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where you can play it as a reco... Have you got that?
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This one might not be quite so upyour strata but it's called Grindr.
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No-one's going to now. Who made that noise?
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When you load it...
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and it tells you how close they are.- It says he's 20 yards away.
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Let's have a look.
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Just making sure mine isn't on. LAUGHTER
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LAUGHTER
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Some of them show rude parts which you won't want to see.
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It's a car show, I knew there was something.
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I drove in two reasonably-priced cars because the first one,
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and we obviously thought that was not safe to have.
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It's the second-to-last corner. Yes! Oh, that's a high speed.
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OK, there's a third attempt.
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Every time, I said to myself, "Smoothly."
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Who here would like to see Stephen's real lap?
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It might not be fast but let's make it smooth, Stephen, smooth.
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With his... That's fantastic!
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because that's a bit of understeer.
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except around my face! Ah!
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Here we go.
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That is bang-on, cutting the corner nicely.
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That was smooth.
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Who else do you think you beat?
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The problem is you were beautifully smooth
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Oh, no!APPLAUSE
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I could give you a hot, it was a hot day and, of course,
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Do you know what? I could be guaranteed that Alan doesn't watch Top Gear.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Earlier on we bought, insured and customised three cars
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when I sort-of ripped the body kit off the back on my Hyundai.
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Anyway, coming up now is the most realistic challenge ever attempted on British television.
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three hours after we'd said we'd be in, without waking them up.
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OWL HOOTS
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Oh, God. Ugh!
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WHISPERS: Yeah, this is a professional job.
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so that it hides the back and my mother won't see what I've done.
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50.4 decibels, that's like custard rustling, absolutely soundless.
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Come on. Come on!
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Come on, you stupid lump of Swedish lead.
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THEY LAUGH
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I might get in trouble.
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and they buried it in the summer house. Job done!
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Oh, no, no, no!
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and there's quite a lot of damage there.
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My Mum and Dad, they didn't wake up.
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The interesting thing is what James
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JEREMY CLEARS HIS THROAT What?
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LOUD TECHNO MUSIC For God's sake! No!
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God above!
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Can you smell smoke on my fingers? THEY LAUGH
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Oddly though, the man in the white coat was nowhere to be seen.
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Sunrise yellow.
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This man's destroying your Volvo. Are you going to sort him out?
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Mind the body kit!
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Ha-ha, "As you are 17, it is certain that at some point in the near future,
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"This is to find out how easy they are to repair."
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..and break out the hammers.
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Ah! Argh!
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watch that disappear thanks to the magic of polish.
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and need to straighten a dent, here's what you do.
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'Jeremy, meanwhile, was cheating.'
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You were 17? RS Turbo, straight through a fence.
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So, do you think you could use some fireman equipment to make that like new?
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it's too middle class.
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'..we had made no difference whatsoever.'
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'Then another challenge arrived.'
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"round the Hammerhead, do a handbrake turn
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"and you'll have five seconds added to your time for every object you don't hit."
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'that teenagers like to crash into.
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'that everyone, except a 17-year-old, can see isn't wide enough.
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than a good handbrake turn. God, yeah, fact.
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I have no feathers... But I can do this!
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'Armed with this new information about women,
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That's nice. Yeah.
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That's him being rubbish.
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'With James cleared off the track, I lined up for the off.'
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Missed!
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My God! That's substantial. Yee-ha!
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That's good. Wheelie bins.
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There's nothing I can do about the washer bottle,
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 243
Yes!
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 244
LOUD TECHNO MUSIC Oh, for God's sake.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 245
'why he'd bothered with a helmet.'
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 246
'But then as he approached the girls, all became clear.'
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 247
I might as well have cut my penis off for all the good that did.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 248
WHISTLING Perfect.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 249
'So now it was all down to me.'
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 250
35 seconds before he moved more than a yard.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 251
You all right?
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 252
That's my line!
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 253
Luckily, children, I got better.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 254
Anyway...
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 255
LAUGHTER Is that a minus?!
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 256
and it's still here! Look! LAUGHTER
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 257
When do you ever see the NHS go, "Oh, that's a nasty head wound,
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 258
I got 103.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 259
Yes. Right. LAUGHTER
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 260
Our teenage judges said they were prepared to award up to 5 points for a really good one.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 261
LAUGHTER What happened was...
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 262
Jeremy Clarkson, it is now between you and me. Yes, it is.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 263
..nothing!
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 264
There's nothing else going for you.- No, come on!
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 265
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 266
This is also consumer advice... The door handle's come off!
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 267
Yes!
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 268
Anyway, I got nought? Yes.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 269
They did, didn't they? They did. What did they give you?
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 270
Fairly beaten.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 271
that the best, THE BEST car for a 17-year-old is a beige Volvo estate with a broken back window.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 272
of the consumer advice for this week.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 273
and, in fact, I'm still there because now it's time for the moment
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 274
the first-ever showdown between the- two fastest road cars of all time.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 275
The meeting point for the most amazing collection of numbers.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 276
and a top speed of 252 miles an hour.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 277
the McLaren F1.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 278
It was the fastest with a top speed- of 240 miles an hour.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 279
The engine bay was lined with gold
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 280
from the 6.1-litre BMW engine.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 281
the McLaren and the Veyron are actually poles apart.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 282
the McLaren gets...nothing.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 283
It's gizmo cupboard is completely bare.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 284
And that shines through in the way they feel.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 285
that well-oiled, mechanical, metallic feel.
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 286
HE LAUGHS
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 287
and get in to the Bugatti Veyron.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 2
'The phoning went on, until eventually we had a list of cars that could be bought and insured
#2
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 3
Not much in it and nothing you I mean, look at that
#3
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 4
Can you imagine a 17-year-old in a Suzuki Wagon R+? Thanks(!) 1L.
#4
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 5
'So, we got back on the phones pretending to be Dad.'
#5
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 6
'Finally, we were in business.'
#6
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 7
'and I was the first to arrive.'
#7
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 8
It's a Golf and that's really all there is to say about it.
#8
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 9
for very occasional use, such as today, when I've just come to see my mates.
#9
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 10
Is it an S Coupe?
#10
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 11
It's a coupe! It's magnificent. 85bhp,
#11
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 12
'a geography teacher arrived.'
#12
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 13
The perfect car for any 17-year-old. Why?! Why? Y-yes!
#13
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 14
They did do a turbo... What is that?! A Hyundai S Coupe
#14
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 15
There's another very important issue that we must address.
#15
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 16
Look at the amount of metal between him and the tree he will inevitably hit.
#16
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 17
Thank you.
#17
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 18
Ha! You've had it!
#18
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 19
You? £500. You?
#19
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 20
'Two days later, our wheels were ready and I'd gone for the thing girls love most -
#20
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 21
but it's close enough. And I've customised it to fit perfectly.
#21
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 22
Well, when I say water bed, what I mean is... Well, it's a lilo.
#22
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 23
And then, to finish it all off, some simple, hand-painted turbo motifs.
#23
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 24
on exactly what a 17-year-old wants -
#24
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 25
BAROQUE MUSIC PLAYS
#25
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 26
'While he went for a wee, Richard and I decided to improve his car
#26
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 27
What have we got?
#27
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 28
We need to glue the whole damn thing, literally every button.
#28
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 29
That is... This will brighten his day.
#29
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 30
Ooh, yeah.
#30
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 31
and the answer to that is yes.
#31
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 32
'at the bottom of a very slippery field.'
#32
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 33
Maybe we'll have converted him? THEY LAUGH
#33
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 34
Ah! This'll answer the question.
#34
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 35
"all their camping equipment and stuff into their car
#35
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 36
That has to be medical. It must be.
#36
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 37
So, that's a piece of cake. Ah!
#37
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 38
Nobody's ever said that before. 'James struggled to get everything in his Golf,
#38
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 39
I'm outta here.
#39
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 40
'Hammond completely forgot about his new body kit.'
#40
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 41
'As Hammond and I floundered on the green ice,
#41
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 42
James has got the right idea. It's speed, weirdly.
#42
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 43
Yes.
#43
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 44
Here we go!
#44
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 45
No.
#45
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 46
Oh, please!
#46
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 47
We will pick that up later on. Can I just point out that before we do move on,
#47
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 48
Which they will if it's got a body kit on.
#48
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 49
And then one day, you'll be in the showers and a big, strange man...
#49
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 50
LAUGHTER
#50
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 51
What do you do on a driving test if you don't pass it? You...
#51
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 52
A traffic light went red as I came up to it and the examiner said, "Proceed as you normally would,"
#52
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 53
We were going along and all of a sudden, he hit the dashboard
#53
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 54
No, I was being correct. He was anticipating an emergency stop, not an argument, you fool! Was he?
#54
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 55
at the other end of the scale from our failure, you turned up with some scissors in your pocket,
#55
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 56
That's really what it was. When he said, the man,
#56
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 57
what I heard was, "Congratulations,- Mr Clarkson, you are the best driver I've ever seen in my life."
#57
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 58
surrounded by sheep that were no longer alive and bits of what used to be my mum's Audi.
#58
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 59
which is important and we got distracted
#59
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 60
To prop up the car industry, the Government is encouraging you to scrap old cars and buy new ones.
#60
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 61
to help Kim Jong-il buy nuclear weapons.
#61
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 62
the other is a totalitarian regime,- allegedly making weapons of mass destruction.
#62
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 63
Why would the South Koreans nuke Hammersmith?
#63
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 64
This is an important point. It is more ecological - and this is a fact,
#64
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 65
than it is to scrap it, throw it away and build a new one. True fact.
#65
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 66
and not Kim Jong-il. LAUGHTER
#66
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 67
Everyone had said it's superbike fast and I thought, "Oh, come on, don't be ridic...argh!"
#67
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 68
They're saying it's got more than 500 horsepower
#68
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 69
That's just staggering. A Bugatti Veyron, to put that in perspective,- is 521bhp per tonne,
#69
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 70
It's £100,000, but I don't believe cars can get better than that.
#70
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 71
You strap wardrobes, chests of drawers on there and... They've thought about it. See?
#71
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 72
That makes the worst noise... What?! It makes the best noise!
#72
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 73
It's like driving along - what's that opera singer called - Katherine...er...Jenkins!
#73
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 74
Lady Chatterley, goes in the barn with the gardener, in the hay,
#74
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 75
That's my point, it's a brilliant noise. The supercharger whine is a mechanical driving sound.
#75
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 76
so the cooler will be mine in 19 days, right -
#76
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 77
..the best noise that had ever come- out of a car came out of the stereo- in my 17-year-old Golf
#77
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 78
Actually, while we're on the subject of this,
#78
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 79
and the Daily Star, in an editorial, says that we've upset the Scouts and the Catholic Church
#79
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 80
Germans, blind people, anti-hunt protesters and smokers.
#80
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 81
How dare they? How dare they suggest that we would be rude to smokers?!!
#81
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 82
and I thought, "Why just do it at the track?"
#82
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 83
HOOFBEATS
#83
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 84
But the truth is, the place is shot- through with a love of speed...
#84
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 85
'the brand-new Lamborghini Murcielago.'
#85
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 86
Between me and it is a four-mile, arrow-straight stretch of highway.
#86
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 87
TYRES SQUEAL
#87
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 88
150.
#88
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 89
Whoa!
#89
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 90
or, to put it in plain English... the fastest Lamborghini ever made.
#90
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 91
'because a brand-new replacement is coming next year.
#91
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 92
'because from every angle, this last hurrah looks absolutely evil.'
#92
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 93
If a Toyota Prius came up behind and saw that, it would wet its pants.
#93
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 94
'So, LP670-4 SV.'
#94
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 95
The LP stands for...something.
#95
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 96
and also, quite a lot.
#96
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 97
It's got a lighter exhaust system, more of it's made of carbon fibre
#97
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 98
0-60, 3.2 seconds.
#98
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 99
Because that noise...
#99
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 100
and it too will die along with this car.
#100
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 101
'And I'm not the only one who thinks this car has a human soul.'
#101
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 102
Here's Mercedes talking about the exhaust on the SL Black.
#102
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 103
"a distinctive 12-cylinder sound from the two trapezoidal tailpipes."
#103
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 104
"through the trumpeting of mighty elephants, to the roar of a raging lion."
#104
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 105
You just get the sense that before this car dies, they actually wanted- to make it come to life.
#105
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 106
has transformed it into a completely different car.
#106
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 107
Don't get me wrong, it's still a big, scary car,
#107
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 108
Yeah, this'd be a lot easier if the desert would stay still.
#108
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 109
It is!
#109
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 110
'..but with the more rarefied and expensive hypercars.'
#110
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 111
That's an SLR 722 - like an SLR, only more.
#111
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 112
'let's see if the 722 can keep its royal status
#112
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 113
TYRES SQUEAL
#113
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 114
Try that on, fella.
#114
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 115
Man, this is close!
#115
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 116
Whoa! Braking up to the red light quite hard.
#116
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 117
I was there, alongside hypercar royalty. Compared to that,
#117
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 118
Quite a swan song.
#118
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 119
'the Murcielago has become one of the all-time supercar greats.'
#119
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 120
There's some evidence on these seats that you had a crisis.
#120
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 121
Thing is though, you've always said- that your favourite supercar is the Zonda F, OK?
#121
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 122
Come on!
#122
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 123
LAUGHTER
#123
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 124
top of our leader board.
#124
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 125
What? BOOING
#125
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 126
I have to work with that, week in week out.
#126
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 127
with German piano wire...
#127
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 128
All we know is that's three things he has in common with Margaret Beckett.
#128
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 129
Right, coming up to the first corner and he's coming in very hot.
#129
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 130
Stig seems to have it all under control at the moment though.
#130
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 131
Hammerhead. This is where understeer should rear its head.
#131
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 132
And the third thing, obviously,
#132
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 133
so that's probably why he's lifted off through the tyres.
#133
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 134
this car really is Widow Twankey with a wing.
#134
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 135
It did it in...
#135
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 136
It's moved up.
#136
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 137
It doesn't lie, the F's faster.
#137
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 138
He's the voice of the Harry Potter audiotapes, Blackadder,
#138
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 139
the only thing we can be sure he hasn't done,
#139
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 140
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
#140
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 141
What you're really saying is
#141
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 142
Yeah, gasp. Thank you.
#142
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 143
LAUGHTER No, you're pulling that face,
#143
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 144
For example, I've just had Tim Robbins in my ear
#144
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 145
I have no idea. You would know, you'd remember.
#145
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 146
without the sound of you wafting out of the children's bedrooms.
#146
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 147
It staggers me, you've managed to lose all this weight
#147
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 148
Nobody loses weight in America.
#148
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 149
and by about a month or twoafterwards I was at my full 21 stone.
#149
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 150
I did. I actually went to the General Motors Headquarters
#150
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 151
Yeah. And he said, "We're still the biggest automobile company in the world."
#151
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 152
And when he went to college to do automotive design
#152
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 153
If he'd tried that in Australia! Oh, yes!
#153
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 154
Yeah.
#154
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 155
in a time that was impossible if you hadn't driven in bus lanes.
#155
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 156
It is illegal for me to drive in bus lanes.
#156
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 157
You read that thing, it says from seven till something.
#157
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 158
And it says, "Buses and good vehicles only".
#158
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 159
It's like ones that say, "access only".
#159
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 160
Yes, it's become rather a large number.
#160
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 161
of a specific type of mobile telephone.
#161
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 162
where you can play it as a reco... Have you got that?
#162
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 163
This one might not be quite so upyour strata but it's called Grindr.
#163
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 164
No-one's going to now. Who made that noise?
#164
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 165
When you load it...
#165
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 166
and it tells you how close they are.- It says he's 20 yards away.
#166
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 167
Let's have a look.
#167
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 168
Just making sure mine isn't on. LAUGHTER
#168
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 169
LAUGHTER
#169
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 170
Some of them show rude parts which you won't want to see.
#170
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 171
It's a car show, I knew there was something.
#171
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 172
I drove in two reasonably-priced cars because the first one,
#172
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 173
and we obviously thought that was not safe to have.
#173
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 174
It's the second-to-last corner. Yes! Oh, that's a high speed.
#174
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 175
OK, there's a third attempt.
#175
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 176
Every time, I said to myself, "Smoothly."
#176
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 177
Who here would like to see Stephen's real lap?
#177
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 178
It might not be fast but let's make it smooth, Stephen, smooth.
#178
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 179
With his... That's fantastic!
#179
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 180
because that's a bit of understeer.
#180
Recap of Top Gear Season 13 Episode 2 (S13E02) - 181
except around my face! Ah!
#181
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Here we go.
#182
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That is bang-on, cutting the corner nicely.
#183
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That was smooth.
#184
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Who else do you think you beat?
#185
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The problem is you were beautifully smooth
#186
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Oh, no!APPLAUSE
#187
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I could give you a hot, it was a hot day and, of course,
#188
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Do you know what? I could be guaranteed that Alan doesn't watch Top Gear.
#189
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
#190
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Earlier on we bought, insured and customised three cars
#191
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when I sort-of ripped the body kit off the back on my Hyundai.
#192
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Anyway, coming up now is the most realistic challenge ever attempted on British television.
#193
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three hours after we'd said we'd be in, without waking them up.
#194
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OWL HOOTS
#195
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Oh, God. Ugh!
#196
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WHISPERS: Yeah, this is a professional job.
#197
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so that it hides the back and my mother won't see what I've done.
#198
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50.4 decibels, that's like custard rustling, absolutely soundless.
#199
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Come on. Come on!
#200
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Come on, you stupid lump of Swedish lead.
#201
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THEY LAUGH
#202
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I might get in trouble.
#203
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and they buried it in the summer house. Job done!
#204
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Oh, no, no, no!
#205
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and there's quite a lot of damage there.
#206
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My Mum and Dad, they didn't wake up.
#207
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The interesting thing is what James
#208
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JEREMY CLEARS HIS THROAT What?
#209
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LOUD TECHNO MUSIC For God's sake! No!
#210
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God above!
#211
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Can you smell smoke on my fingers? THEY LAUGH
#212
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Oddly though, the man in the white coat was nowhere to be seen.
#213
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Sunrise yellow.
#214
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This man's destroying your Volvo. Are you going to sort him out?
#215
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Mind the body kit!
#216
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Ha-ha, "As you are 17, it is certain that at some point in the near future,
#217
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"This is to find out how easy they are to repair."
#218
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..and break out the hammers.
#219
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Ah! Argh!
#220
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watch that disappear thanks to the magic of polish.
#221
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and need to straighten a dent, here's what you do.
#222
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'Jeremy, meanwhile, was cheating.'
#223
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You were 17? RS Turbo, straight through a fence.
#224
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So, do you think you could use some fireman equipment to make that like new?
#225
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it's too middle class.
#226
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'..we had made no difference whatsoever.'
#227
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'Then another challenge arrived.'
#228
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"round the Hammerhead, do a handbrake turn
#229
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"and you'll have five seconds added to your time for every object you don't hit."
#230
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'that teenagers like to crash into.
#231
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'that everyone, except a 17-year-old, can see isn't wide enough.
#232
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than a good handbrake turn. God, yeah, fact.
#233
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I have no feathers... But I can do this!
#234
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'Armed with this new information about women,
#235
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That's nice. Yeah.
#236
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That's him being rubbish.
#237
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'With James cleared off the track, I lined up for the off.'
#238
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Missed!
#239
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My God! That's substantial. Yee-ha!
#240
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That's good. Wheelie bins.
#241
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There's nothing I can do about the washer bottle,
#242
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Yes!
#243
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LOUD TECHNO MUSIC Oh, for God's sake.
#244
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'why he'd bothered with a helmet.'
#245
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'But then as he approached the girls, all became clear.'
#246
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I might as well have cut my penis off for all the good that did.
#247
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WHISTLING Perfect.
#248
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'So now it was all down to me.'
#249
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35 seconds before he moved more than a yard.
#250
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You all right?
#251
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That's my line!
#252
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Luckily, children, I got better.
#253
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Anyway...
#254
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LAUGHTER Is that a minus?!
#255
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and it's still here! Look! LAUGHTER
#256
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When do you ever see the NHS go, "Oh, that's a nasty head wound,
#257
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I got 103.
#258
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Yes. Right. LAUGHTER
#259
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Our teenage judges said they were prepared to award up to 5 points for a really good one.
#260
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LAUGHTER What happened was...
#261
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Jeremy Clarkson, it is now between you and me. Yes, it is.
#262
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..nothing!
#263
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There's nothing else going for you.- No, come on!
#264
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This is also consumer advice... The door handle's come off!
#266
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Yes!
#267
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Anyway, I got nought? Yes.
#268
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They did, didn't they? They did. What did they give you?
#269
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Fairly beaten.
#270
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that the best, THE BEST car for a 17-year-old is a beige Volvo estate with a broken back window.
#271
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of the consumer advice for this week.
#272
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and, in fact, I'm still there because now it's time for the moment
#273
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the first-ever showdown between the- two fastest road cars of all time.
#274
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The meeting point for the most amazing collection of numbers.
#275
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and a top speed of 252 miles an hour.
#276
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the McLaren F1.
#277
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It was the fastest with a top speed- of 240 miles an hour.
#278
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The engine bay was lined with gold
#279
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from the 6.1-litre BMW engine.
#280
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the McLaren and the Veyron are actually poles apart.
#281
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the McLaren gets...nothing.
#282
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It's gizmo cupboard is completely bare.
#283
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And that shines through in the way they feel.
#284
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that well-oiled, mechanical, metallic feel.
#285
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HE LAUGHS
#286
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and get in to the Bugatti Veyron.
#287