Aired 19 years ago - Apr 21, 2002
Fry leads the crew on a quest across the galaxy to regain the forbidden 79 episodes of "Star Trek: The Original Series", where they encounter the original cast of the show - as well as their captor, an obsessive energy being named Melllvar.
Bender the Robot, please take the stand.
Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard
what happened centuries ago.
But if you want to discuss
my books of poetry--
Uh. Jeez, don't get upset.
Bill, you are and always
shall be my friend.
Why did the world turn its
back on our obvious greatness?
You can't go to Omega 3.
It's forbidden. I forbid you!
But most importantly,
when I didn't have any friends...
You are now in forbidden space.
So many cardboard sets, so many
memories. If only the others--
We were going to Welshie's cousin's
house to stay in the guest room...
We love it here. Everything is
provided for us and we never age.
You doubt my power?
This court will now hear
some very sensual testimony...
Hey! A body! Buff, tan.
Yeah, this is mine, all right.
I am Melllvar, Seer of the Tapes!
Knower of the Episodes!
Cool! A Star Trek convention!
All you other Slim Shadys
are just imitating.
Oh, I was confused because the
scoreboard says something different.
Then explain it with a simple analogy.
Alas, my ship, whom I love
like a woman, is disabled.
Okay! I'm done re-Ca-Foobelling
the energy motron, or whatever!
Hey, you wrote it!
A crew of genuine space heroes,
risked your lives to save them.
I shall pit you against
each other in armed combat...
This will be your standard
battle to the death.
I don't have much experience at fighting,
except with you guys.
We can tie caterpillars together to
make bowstrings for bows and arrows.
What if I distract them
with my famous fan dance?
Maybe if you showed a little interest.
All right, Koenig!
I've wanted to do this for years!
We can't use our ship. We have life
support, but the engines are wrecked.
I'm living in a gefilte-Fish jar.
Yes! In mint condition, and you
made me take it out of the package!
Like destruct sequence 1 -A, 2-B, 3--
Aired 19 years ago - Apr 14, 2002
Bender receives culinary lessons from the great chef Helmut Spargle, and puts his skills to the test on national television when he competes against Elzar on "Iron Cook". Meanwhile, Dr. Zoidberg accidentally destroys Professor Farnsworth's ship-in-a-bottle and pins the deed on Fry, only to be struck with remorse afterwards.
Good thing I secretly installed
this wormhole in the table.
The pie is ready.
You guys like swarms of things, right?
Then it's settled.
Elzar will teach me to cook!
I thought that was number two.
I knocked it up a notch. Bam!
It's over. My dream of being a chef
is deader than the cat I'm sitting on.
In fact, why not join us
and ride the space rails?
Get ready. We's gonna jump
off at that switching prism.
Wait, a pie with hobo-Lifting aroma?
Who baked it?
Yo, Spargle, if you're such a great
cook, how'd you end up in this dump?
We need a chef who attracts a younger,
more extreme cooking-Show viewer.
Cilantro, mango salsa,
Interesting. You wish to cook, but as
a robot, you have no sense of taste.
You could be the greatest chef!
I have no choice but to charge you the
full cost of the materials. $10.00.
One game of chess, so must you
serve at least one edible meal.
Another thing I'm great at!
Wait, why'd you stop eating, master?
A diamond vial of Mrs. Dash?
Elzar, I'm a walking pile
of your unfinished business!
Now I'm here to avenge him!
A woman who ended a galactic
war with apple dandies...
He asked what it was to me and
conjectured my mother was a prostitute.
You've never seen mine.
No, I haven't.
Commemorative turkey basters.
Get your commemorative basters.
This is for you.
Next up, Bender, a student
of legendary Helmut Spargle...
The challenger's ugly food
shows even hideous things...
Whose confection achieves perfection?
Whose foodstuff will be the good stuff?
And accept only the lesser title of
Zinc Saucier, which I just made up.
And what is worse,
I framed my dearest friend, Fry!
Aired 19 years ago - Apr 07, 2002
Leela endeavors to become the first female blernsball player, but her lack of depth perception hinders her skills. Nevertheless, she becomes the pitcher for the New New York Mets, purely for her novelty value.
For starters, use quality ingredients.
Case in point? No more live bees.
The Earthican pastime. Blernsball.
Mets? Shortstop? Pinching the hitter?
I don't understand this Blernsball.
Play the ball.
Go, team. Beat those no-Good Signoids.
I didn't mean to hit you.
I have trouble with depth perception.
Those bums are worse than me.
Wow, the first woman ever to
play major league blernsball.
Like a sexy Yogi Berra.
Why is your number 7/8?
Skipper, we're losing the crowd.
Put in our new novelty act, Leela.
An inauspicious start for the career
of the first woman blernsballer.
You put a one and two zeros in
front of that, or we pass. Deal.
Bean-Bay Beans! They're the beaniest!
This keep up, we need to
buy second sauce toilet.
I'm on the team at NNYU.
Don't be upset, Leela.
You look really cute in your uniform.
God's my witness, I vow to earn the
respect of girls and women everywhere!
Oh. Then I have a new vow.
I solemnly swear
If I could be just a little better
than him, I can hold my head high.
How could you play so badly?
The original Hank Aaron was great!
Leela beats that. She pitched
without ever getting an out!
I need your help, so I can be one
tiny iota less pathetic than you.
All right, low and away.
Who's in the hall of fame?
You're holding the bat upside down.
Oh, you got that too?
I think there's a rash going around.
You opened a franchise!
My husband, some hotshot.
Here's his ancient Signoid secret.
No, Blek! Other way around.
Right. Offer accepted!
Put me in.
No! We're actually winning this game!
I've trained with a Hank Aaron.
All right then
Strike him out! Do it for the
hundreds of women everywhere!
Making her debut against
the worst female anything.
Strike one! A personal best!
A grand slam blern! The Mets lose!
Their season is over!
Aired 19 years ago - Mar 31, 2002
With Planet Express in financial trouble, Fry nominates a flashy businessman from the 1980s to replace Professor Farnsworth as CEO of the company. That Guy goes on to sell Planet Express to Mom's Friendly Robot Corporation, putting everyone out of a job.
I had whiskey with Boesky,
cookies with Milken.
The hardest thing was seeing my wife
on display in the British Museum.
I tell you, two go-Go '80s Reaganauts
like us could rule this world!
Come on! I've got a lot
of ransom notes to send!
And my cat smells good and is pretty.
Scruffy believes in this company.
Hey! You ate my change!
Please welcome our new chief
executive officer, That Guy!
Gutsy question. You're a shark.
Sharks don't look back...
Fantastic! The first order of business,
blame everything on the guy before me.
I'm rolling up the corporate ramp!
I ask you, who is the number
one delivery service on earth?
Switzerland is small and neutral.
We're Germany, ambitious and misunderstood.
No! I speak for the entire board
when I issue this challenge to Mom!
Yeah! Hit him, hit him, hit him!
It's time I cut you in on the
secret to success. Any guesses?
We are all one. One mind.
One purpose. One act.
This company's circling the drain!
I'd sell my stock for a sandwich.
What is this moose drip?
Our private dining room. This is where
we serve our most successful chumps.
You're not looking at the big picture!"
You've changed, Fry.
What? I haven't changed.
Right. We're not a traditional
family like the Murphys...
Don 't let the door
hit you on the way out.
It's so sad!
Where will I go? What will I do?
I've got to redeem myself!
The takeover of Planet
Express is approved!
I'm a millionaire! Suddenly I have an
opinion about the capital gains tax!
I'm an '80s guy.
Friendship means for $2...
I was so busy being an '80s guy,
I forgot to cure it!
Feed him to the jackals!
Go on with the sale!
But some things I had to learn myself.
Aired 19 years ago - Mar 17, 2002
Bender is accidentally shot out of the ship's torpedo tube and becomes lost in space. Floating through the ethereal darkness, Bender becomes inhabited with tiny alien life forms, but has trouble playing God to their unyielding prayers.
Wow, ostentatious. Except what
good is a candelabra without...?
Ask not for whom the bone bones.
It bones for thee.
All bow before the great Metal Lord.
Those peewees think I'm God, huh?
Hard to blame them.
But we are a poor and simple folk.
Can you find him, professor?
The Smell-A-Scope isn't strong enough.
Fry, we brought someone to cheer you up.
No. I just thought you would
enjoy that for a moment.
Microbrewed. My guys did all right.
Nay. Like most of your followers,
I was maimed building the great brewery.
My arms are tired from hugging.
Save him. Save my son, Metal Lord.
They saw you save my son.
Now everyone prays for their own miracles.
That was a practice miracle.
Can religion help me find my friend?
We could join together in prayer.
Bonder? Is it really you?
Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy $10.
I've not heard of them.
They are an ancient order...
I mean, yes.
I'm sure they will. Yes.
Yes, Malachi. What is it this time?
Smite someone who deserves it for once.
I miss Bender almost half as
much as you do, but it's hopeless.
Well, you won't listen to reason...
Looks like society's running pretty
well without my meddling in...
We will solve our own problems.
It is time to convert the unbelievers.
Look, Daddy, I'm hugging God.
Hello? Is anyone still alive?
How about in the porno theater?
I must leave.
I am not holy enough to enter.
Welcome to our monastery.
Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary.
I've gotta signal back!
Possible. I am user-Friendly,
my good chum.
But the remains of a computerized
space probe that collided with God!
How long have you been at it?
Like a giant karaoke machine?
Your loss is tragic, but our work...
You can look for God forever.
I'll use it with or without permission!
A lot of people pray to you, huh?
Yes, but so many ask so much...
Right and wrong are words.
What matters is what you do.
Or a guy who burns a
bar for insurance money!
I don't know.
It's been three days. Even if
you stay the rest of your life...
But still, I wish I had Bender back.
Aired 19 years ago - Mar 10, 2002
Bender fears that nobody will remember him after he dies, and sees his chance for immortality when the crew is enslaved on the planet Osiris 4. Posing as the planet's new pharaoh, Bender orders a humongous statue built in his honor, and quickly goes mad with power.
To show you that you'll be remembered.
Crushed by a runaway semi
driven by the Incredible Hulk.
Your standard bending unit is
made of an iron-Osmium alloy.
The professor's was better.
You're supposed to be dead.
From glen to glen...
Pick it up, people.
So far, it's been crap after crap.
Bender was my friend.
I thought something
looked different in here.
Call it a hunch, but I've
got a bad feeling about this.
The bad thing about being a slave is,
they don't pay you or let you go.
Our people visited your
Egypt thousands of years ago.
Look at these swanky tombs!
These people know how to die.
I noticed your sign.
I thought I'd look into your program.
Couldn't we count to one?
Pharaoh's counting on us!
Work faster! Like this:
Remember who your friends are!
I'll tell you who I remember!
And now, I have a grand announcement.
Also this bag of cats our
culture considers holy.
At dawn, the high priest will
consult the Wall of Prophecy...
Yes! Tonight we are slaves to no one!
Except the rhythm.
Great Wall of Prophecy! Reveal to us
God's will that we may blindly obey!
The prophecy is strange
and crudely drawn at best.
We hear your voice, great Pharaoh!
Reveal yourself to us!
Long live Pharaoh Bender!
This society is a bunch of idiots.
The Pharaoh has spoken!
It's a good start.
Tear it down and try again! But this
time, don't embarrass yourselves!
What about my servants?
You jerk! Why'd you
have to drag us along?
Sorry, but we're totally sealed in.
We could ignite the distillery
and blow this place to rubble!
Hey, Fry? Remember that robot, Bender?
That guy who used to bend things.
Aired 19 years ago - Mar 03, 2002
When Amy's parents' ranch is hit by a dust storm that blows away their herd of buggalo, Kif sets out to prove his masculinity by rounding up the herd, only to become entangled with the native Martians.
How can you call them stupid?
No. Not on your parents' planet.
I haven't even lit it yet.
Oh. Is it lit now?
Not bad for a city boy, huh?
I'm sure my parents will love you.
I have instant dislike of him.
Too scrawny to father grandchildren.
I can be manly too.
I think I'll light up a smoke.
Now they'll never think I'm manly
enough to date their daughter.
Mm. I might have mental anguish.
Where are the Buggalo?
Rustled under cover of storm!
They're not your parents. I'm not your
sister. And that's not your golf cart.
Mrs. Wong, could I borrow a neckerchief?
Don't worry, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.
I'll get your cattle back, or die trying.
We need Buggalo to lure the rustlers.
How many are left?
Right in front of you.
The Windows logo!
Once, not far from here,
four people set out on a cattle drive.
I have a blister, I spit, and,
of course, I tell no one my feelings.
Oh, Kif. You're so brave!
Sh. They'll hear us.
Kif, you did it! How did
you know dynamite would work?
We are the native Martians.
You mean family that took all
land and gave us a lousy bead?
This time we get most decorated
lawman in the whole universe!
Your gasps intrigue me.
Martians have no land.
And we carve presidents
in your mountain?
The time for stupid statements is over.
Kif! You're flying Betsy!
Need a lift?
We misjudged you, green one.
You fly the Buggalo like us.
You must smoke peace pipe, peacefully.
Or we'll kill you.
Hey, I'm smoking! I'm the greatest!
I'm supported by a system of
fluid-Filled bladders that... Ah!
So we can have the diamond?
No. We do have concept of ownership.
Aired 19 years ago - Feb 17, 2002
When Bender disposes nuclear waste in the sewers, the angry mutants drag him, Fry, and Leela down to the depths to be mutated. As they attempt to escape, Leela makes an incredible discovery about her true heritage, finally meeting her parents for the first time.
Because I have a photographic
memory, and I remember every night.
To nail her picture alongside those
of our most distinguished alumni.
Or simply underpaid alien janitors
who fought crime on the side.
Just like all of you kids here today.
Just make sure you
get my nonchalant side.
It's okay, Fry. I'm fine.
Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.
Well, anyway, just remember
that people care about you.
You seem to be forgetting
one simple fact.
What did I do to deserve this?
Mutate! Mutate! Mutate!
Go after them!
The waters can't mutate us mutants!
Great Cheech's ghost!
And I'm the Leela!
Dude, over here!
This time, I'm calling
for the death penalty.
Oh, cruel fate!
Bring in the airship!
I'm getting dizzy!
I can't walk straight!
I'm getting on the bus!
Stop right there!
I don't wanna hurt you.
Well, then there is one thing.
Is it done?
No extra anythings.
Like all of us! Especially him!
You won't pass for human, cutie.
What a beautiful,
gigantic eye you have--
Do you believe I'm your messiah?
The mutant Dalai Lama?
I bet you sick mutants killed them!
I'll kill you!
It says, "Your parents
love you very much."
Aired 19 years ago - Feb 10, 2002
Bender falls deeply in love with the Planet Express ship autopilot's female voice setting. Meanwhile, Fry searches for the perfect candy heart to properly convey his feelings for Leela.
My family has been making
these hearts since the 1900s.
But somewhere among these trillions of
hearts, those words must already exist.
So do we have the contract?
We each get one of the four buttons.
So, what will it be? My place? Or you?
"You're my man." Oh, so close.
You know you love it, sugar engine.
I mean, I know you're both items,
but how can you date a ship, anyway?
Bender, dating your coworker and
primary mode of transportation...
Well, I'm sick of her.
The ship? But you just started dating.
To be taking advantage
of your girlfriends trust?
And also the worlds
Oh, I see. He didn't fly there
in another spaceship, did he?
Bender! Don't lie!
Look. I'm not saying
Bender's not great...
I guess I'm just having
one of those manic Mondays.
This is ancient Earth's
most foolish program.
But I think we should just be friends.
Bender is great...
Oh, Bender is great...
If I learned one thing from my breakup
with Shawn that was totally mutual...
You might want to scooch
a few parsecs to the left.
You don't need to kill us,
Planet Express ship.
Say that afterwards, all the passion
went out of their relationship.
I'm gonna have to shut down your brain!
Merge your programming with
hers while I shut down her brain.
Contrary to what I was saying earlier...
I'm on it. Maybe I'll find those
magic words while I'm at it.
Halfway there. The ship should be
getting a bit less rational now.
We're gonna love being
each other, you sexy ion.
Aired 19 years ago - Jan 06, 2002
When the Professor fine tunes his "What-If" machine, Bender discovers what it would be like if he were human, Fry discovers what it would be like if life were more like a video game, and Leela discovers what it would be like if she found her true home.
Whoa, this is awesome!
I bet I can eat nachos and go
to the bathroom at the same time!
We found him!
For loosing this
man-Ball upon the world...
I say, do not judge me until you have
tried my way of life for yourselves.
Than the rest of us
have in our entire lives.
Good night, sweet prince. You were the
greatest man any of us will ever know.
Can you say that as a question?
Wait. I know that monkey!
His name is Donkey!
I spent all of ninth
grade studying them...
Oh, my God! He ate Fry! Fry is dead!
Invaders, possibly from space!
And my all-Rush mix tape.
You are defeated!
What do you monsters want?
One thing, and one thing only:
Look at Donkey Kong.
Have you smelled his loincloth?
Bravo! That'll be hard
to top! I pity the next...
Let's turn to the Who Asked
Machine to see who's next.
So my question is this:
What if I found my true home?
Jeez, apparently the phrase "Tone it
down" doesn't exist on this planet.
A witch? That explains how these
boots magically appeared on my feet!
You mean that Yellow Brick Road?
The city council re-Named it in 1975.
Crow, prepare to be scared.
Damn this DSL!
Here's why I brought you,
you twice-Baked barf bags!
He's not here.
Oh, for the love of Benji.
Now, what do you nice kids want?
Now, world. You put your hands up!
Aired 19 years ago - Dec 23, 2001
A Planet Express mission to Robot Santa's colony on Neptune leaves the murderous robot trapped in the frozen sea, and Bender takes over as Santa, vowing to bring peace and goodwill to Xmas again. But when Bender is mistaken for the real Robot Santa, he is arrested and sentenced to death.
Yes, us. We've got to bring
back the kind of Xmas I remember.
Look, a cute little welcoming party.
Who said toys?
Let's see who's been naughty
and who's been naughty.
I saw that!
I submit that you are naughty.
So, logically, you must destroy yourself.
Wait! This is what we're running from.
Ho, ho... Huh?
And I can deliver them.
Billions and billions in one night.
Bow before your new Santa.
The elves are back to work today...
It's back to work on Xmas Eve...
We're very, very sorry...
I should give you all a beating...
But I have to fly...
I don't know, moron.
Suppose I bend them?
I've come bearing Tri-Ominos.
Go for the shins!
Well, hello there, handsome.
Won't you have a cookie?
I gotta hand out the Kwanza book.
just the way Grandma used to drink.
Professor, don't you
remember what I told you?
There he is again!
Yet you haven't said what I told
you to say. How can we trust you?
Santa Claus, I hereby sentence
you to be executed at sundown.
Deactivated robot walking!
Deactivated robot walking here!
Look out, Earth.
I'm dreaming of a red Xmas.
A most humane death.
But that doesn't sound humane!
"Ten. Three. Twelve. Three" again.
And I'm his friend, Jesus.
Swing low Sweet chariot...
Gee whiz, Santa,
you want me to help you?
Bender, won't you join
my slaying tonight?
Aired 19 years ago - Dec 09, 2001
The combined explosions of a supernova and Fry putting metal in the microwave hurtle the Planet Express crew back in time to 1947. They land at Roswell, New Mexico, where a shattered Bender is mistaken for UFO debris, Zoidberg is taken in for an alien autopsy, and Fry accidentally kills his grandfather, Enis, in a nuclear explosion.
Bender, are you okay?
Don't know. I'll try to move my feet.
Zoidberg picks up another piece.
The crowd goes wild.
I've never dramatically revealed
anything this shocking. Dun-Dun-Dun!
For the town of Roswell, New Mexico.
According to the precision digital
chronograph, it's July 9th, 1947...
Blasted us through time.
Seen today's news?
And the alien they
captured was... was...?
We tore the universe a new space hole.
But it's clenching shut fast.
Without one, we have no hope
of returning to the future.
Stay away from him, dimwitted monkey!
You mustn't interfere with the past.
I want that toilet so clean I could
eat off it. Because I intend to.
That jeep's gonna hit him,
and I won't exist anymore!
Stop interfering with history. I don't
want to have to memorize new kings.
We gotta get you out of here.
Everything's gonna be all right, Dad.
This experiment will determine
what food, if any, the alien eats.
Never heard of that brand.
What you want is the Gas Princess.
She's hysterical, so I'll talk to you.
Thank God I got you off that Army base.
I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.
What?! Don't ever say or think that.
Just concentrate on staying alive.
I'll have an injection of Fem-A-Slim.
Two chili dogs coming up.
There's a microwave radar dish at
the Army base. We could steal it.
Killed? In an atomic blast?
We'll have to really land on the
moon. Invent NASA and tell them.
I'm not hearing a no.
Nerts to this crab.
Know what always cheers you up?
Baking me sugar cookies.
Relax. She can't be my grandmother.
I figured it out.
And in this corner, Zoidberg.
Wha...? Oh, right.
He's dead. Sorry!
If we don't leave now, we'll never
get back to the 31 st century.