Aired 16 years ago - May 17, 2001
Joey encounters problems trying to get off the movie set to officiate the wedding when the star turns up drunk. Meanwhile, Ross desperately searches for the missing Chandler as Rachel and Phoebe try to keep Monica from finding out. While the girls
are searching, they come across a positive pregnancy test in a garbage can which they assume is Monica's. However, it turns out that it may actually belong to Rachel...
But I'm having surgery today.
How'd you guys find me?
I knew I should've hid at the gym.
Have you ever put on a black dress
and asked me up to your hotel room?
I don't race cars or make popcorn.
None of my proceeds go to charity.
I want to. I love her so much,
but I'm afraid...
Depends on what you mean by "we. "
I have to start getting ready.
I'm getting married today.
When I tell you what I'm
about to tell you, remember...
Here comes the bride.
- Did Chandler show up yet?
Oh, my God. I'm gonna
have to find another minister.
There you go! You put on a tuxedo!
You can do that too.
Just like you've done everything else.
Joey won't make it, so I'll
look around for other weddings.
Anastassakis Papasifakis Wedding.
Thanks for keeping me honest, Dad.
- Phoebe, can I see you for a second?
Aaron, you gotta let me go.
The guy's hammered.
Thank you. You're welcome.
- Then where have you been?
- I know about Monica.
You look beautiful, Mom.
- She's right there.
- Not that old crone. My mother.
...but you won't be
Memorial Day weekend, 2002.
And now, as I've left my notes
in my dressing room...
Chandler, for so long...
I thought this would be the most
difficult thing I ever had to do.
Any surprises that come our way, it's
okay, because I will always love you.
Aired 16 years ago - May 17, 2001
Monica and Chandler prepare for their wedding. During the rehearsal dinner with their families gather the night before for the rehearsal, Chandler's tie get's tighter and tighter until he can't take it anymore and he disappears. Meanwhile, Joey is starring in a movie with a prestigious actor with a spitting problem.
I had to go with the odds.
- This is the one about WWI soldiers.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh. Then way to go,
you big movie star!
You're gonna be late!
I can't believe this. Incredible.
You just won an Oscar.
- Can you guys run it a couple times?
- Yeah, sure.
- Platoon's dead! Face facts, Tony!
No weapons, but we still have food.
Did he say what kind of neckline
Do you realize that tomorrow
we're gonna be getting married?
Ever since we got engaged...
Thank you for staying
so calm during this.
But if you're calling after Saturday,
you've reached Mr. And Mrs. Bing.
I can't believe I'm going back
to get spit on again.
Aren't you too old
to wear a dress like that?
Thanks, you guys.
Could I have your attention?
is doubly special for me...
Please join me in raising a glass...
Who will make sure nothing
happens to it?
- Of course! That's what I'm here for.
- Okay. Sorry.
- Nice shades.
- Lf I wear these in my scenes...
Oh, my God.
Maybe it's not what we think.
- It means he freaked out and left!
- Don't be so negative!
You make sure Monica
does not find out, okay?
Oh, man, they just re-did my makeup.
- Of course I am!
- You know you've been spitting?
Thanks. Okay, check it out.
- He's getting married tomorrow, right?
We thought we'd see what
the fuss is all about.
And if you see Rita Moreno,
let her know I'm looking for her.
A picture of my wife, in your pack!
I'm gonna start getting ready!
Aired 16 years ago - May 10, 2001
Monica's Porsche shows up again, and becomes a conflict when Rachel finds out she is the only one who hasn't driven it. Meanwhile, Chandler and Monica go off to Vegas to find Chandler's dad and invite him (or her) to the wedding. Back at home, Joey proves his masculinity to Phoebe, while Ross and Rachel hit the freeway in the "bad boy".
He's your father.
He should be at our wedding.
I think I want to trade circles.
There's no way I'll let you
drive this car.
I know your dad embarrassed you.
If he's not at your wedding, you'll
regret it for the rest of your life.
You know how when you're wearing
pants and you lean forward...
No, no, wait. That's weird.
There's nothing wrong with Jake.
He is all man.
- I am secure with my masculinity.
- Okay, whatever.
I have got to get my license renewed.
I'm talking to myself.
You're going down!
...a lot the last few years.
... Helena Handbasket.
Switch places with me. Come on!
I'll go under, you go over.
Was I going a little too fast?
- Your license.
- Yes. Here you go, Officer...
Really? You think so? You know,
I had just rolled right out of bed.
- I'll bet you're a Gemini.
- Can he handle a stick?
- Well... .
- That can't be your father.
- I've been saying that for years.
Oh, much better.
You're invisible now.
Look, a standing ovation already.
So early in the show.
How much of a man am I?
You must have had terribly
We'd love it if you could be there.
I'm getting all misty here.
Before we go on with the show, I want
to say to the bride and groom...
Maybe it's Sergeant Sagittarius
coming back to flirt some more.
Aired 16 years ago - May 03, 2001
With four weeks left before the wedding, Chandler and Monica are faced with the issue of their wedding vows. With each person dealing with their own problems in writing the vows, they turn to memories of past events to help them. In the end, the only real problem is who will be saying the vows first.
Or all the things you taught him.
- That's one?
- Kind of an important one.
How about something like:
No fair! I don't even have one,
how come they get two?
why won't I be married?
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't!
I can do this.
How is "Monica, I love
your sweet ass" inappropriate?
That's not true.
- Why didn't they tell us?
- I know, we were cool about it.
We didn't want to make
a big deal out of it.
Oh, look, there's Monica and Chandler.
Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey!
- Oh, my eyes! My eyes!
- Phoebe! Phoebe!
We're excited that you
might get this place!
Yes, but it doesn't matter
who knows what.
Bye, Chandler. I miss you already.
- Phoebe knows about us!
- I didn't tell them.
They thought that they could
mess with us? With us?
I'm happy we're gonna
have all the sex.
What are you doing?
And maybe they'll leave the city...
Oh, that's Nana right there.
Aired 16 years ago - Apr 26, 2001
Rachel's friend, Melissa, from college shows up at the coffee house which brings back memories of their "closer" days. Then when Melissa can't remember that special night in their senior year, Rachel goes to great lengths to prove to Phoebe that
there was really a kiss. Meanwhile, Chandler and Ross argue for possession of Val Kilmer's tuxedo. Also, Joey drives Monica crazy when he insists that the wedding be arranged around his parents' schedule.
Why don't we just put me
with a Manhattan in my hand...
Chandler, relax. It's not a contest.
I think that's it. The seating chart
is done. This is our wedding.
They're not invited?
Oh, no, they're gonna be crushed!
Ross' parents are my parents.
That is not a problem.
- Well, these look nice.
- They are nice.
...and a little less E! .
He plays for the Yankees.
I hooked Ross and Chandler up
with tuxedos. Do you need one?
You want to go to a movie tonight?
I had this college friend...
Hey. It happened.
Why are you taking this away from me?
I'm not saying that I'm a lesbian.
I'm just saying that this happened.
If you don't believe me...
A freakishly thin date
with a hanger for a head?
You can't wear that.
I'm wearing the famous tux.
They think that you only
invited them because of me.
Is it her fault
if some didn't make it to you?
Hello? Yeah, hi. Mrs. Tribbianni?
This is Monica Geller.
Yeah, the U.S. Post Office?
No. More like U.S. Lost Office.
He was my first client
when I became a party planner.
Yes. I was a Thigh Mega Tampon.
We went back to the house
and got really silly...
Ross is Batman.
- 007 has a fancy car.
- Batman has the Batmobile.
But does that mean get there at 6,
or the show starts at 6?
...and I want my parents to see me.
I don't know. I don't remember
a lot of things that never happened.
...but I told Phoebe it happened,
and she doesn't believe me.
- Thank you, Phoebe.
Why don't we put them on?
- So you're not gonna be wearing yours?
- Are you kidding? It's Batman's tux!
The only super power you have is the
slightly heightened sense of smell.
I just want to thank you guys
for what you did for my parents.
I wear it like this when I
marry you guys. And then this...
And, Rachel? I don't think
I'll be calling you because...
So if you don't remember that,
maybe you'll remember this... .
I can still hear
the coconuts knocking together... .
Aired 16 years ago - Apr 19, 2001
Joey auditions for a big movie role which will require him to appear naked. A problem arises, however, when the part calls for an uncircumcised man. Rachel and Phoebe plan Monica's wedding shower at the last minute. Ross and Monica's cousin visits and Ross becomes attracted to her for some reason.
Aired 16 years ago - Mar 29, 2001
Joey is nominated for a Soapie Award, and will go to any length to get the award. He loses, but he steals a trophy from one of his co-stars (Jessica) who doesn't appreciate the award. Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey practice receiving awards. One of Ross's
students convinces him that he failed his midterm because he's in love with Ross. When a guy hits on Phoebe instead of her, Monica realises that Chandler is the only one left in her life to kiss, sleep with, and so on.
I'm in love with you.
You look so good. When you wear that
tight little turtleneck sweater...
But if Chandler's in an accident
and can't perform sexually...
- You don't think I'll win?
- Of course I do.
You'll probably get it.
- You practice losing the Grammys too?
- No, at the Grammys, I always win.
Every once in a while, he'd lean over,
stroke my hair, then touch my neck.
I've only had six.
Can I ask you something? Has
a guy ever had a crush on you?
The point is, my natural charisma has
made him fail his midterm.
- All right. Bye.
I'm okay, not having that
Come sit down. We're talking
about how our relationship's deep...
- Favorite Returning Male...
- This is my category!
In the Favorite Returning Male
character category, the nominees are:
And the Soapie goes to:
Presenting the Favorite Supporting
And the winner is:
No, no, no. I'm accepting it
on her behalf.
She didn't care enough to come to the
thing. It could also be a Grammy.
You don't want to win an award
this way. You're very talented.
I know I didn't do well
on my midterms and stuff.
Yeah. I'm all in love
with you and stuff.
- Have you seen Chandler?
- No, why?
- I've got to talk to him about this.
- That's the last thing you want to do.
Your mother told you this?
This is my friend Rachel.
No, I try to save that for real
awards. Now if you'll excuse me?
As we get closer to the wedding...
Doesn't it freak you out that you'll
never be with anybody new again?
...and it's new and exciting.
You know that rush?
Sleeping with somebody, no.
For me, the rush is knowing that we'll
be together the rest of our lives.
Besides, you know what? I'll have
a lot of new things with you.
Aired 16 years ago - Mar 15, 2001
Monica regrets telling a woman about a discount bridal shop when they end up fighting over the same dress. Meanwhile, Joey and Ross discover that they're dating the same girl.
Aired 16 years ago - Feb 22, 2001
Chandler becomes upset after learning that Monica only came to his room in London looking for Joey on the first night they were together. Joey is ordained as a minister through the Internet so that he can officiate the wedding. Phoebe becomes upset
after taking headache medicine. Ross becomes upset after a baby-sitting Rachel teaches Ben how to play pranks.
...we'd repeat everything
the other said...
Well, hey, I got a ton of these.
And when they do it, they're left with
a line down the center of their face.
- So I can do it?
- Yeah, you can do it.
- Oh, did he pull the old...?
- That's right, that's right.
Saran wrap on the toilet seat?
Isn't that just a little funny?
- Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani.
And the love that they give
and have is shared and received.
I was just in the neighborhood...
I would love to have a little...
- Oh, damn it.
- "Oh, damn it! "
Okay! Maybe I'll talk about London,
when you hooked up.
...then you're in the bathtub
and she's feeding you strawberries?
I was a gentleman and I walked her to
her hotel room and said good night.
Cute P.J.s. Really living it up
here in London, huh?
You're not still upset about
what that guy told you, are you?
Enough to know I want to do this. Not
so much that you should feel guilty.
- You're a really good kisser.
- Well, I have kissed over four women.
It bodes well for me
that speed impresses you.
Well, I think it's safe to say
our friendship is effectively ruined.
Could you leave me one?
I wanted something stupid and
meaningless. I just wanted sex.
Do you know how unbelievably
glad I am that Joey wasn't there?
- Wait, Chandler, it's not a big deal.
- It is to me.
"Dude, don't you ever wash your face?"
I'm glad you guys were bonding but...
...and it turns out
she wanted you first.
Aired 16 years ago - Feb 15, 2001
Ross plans a surprise for Monica and Chandler's wedding--he wants to play the bagpipes. Drake Ramoray is coming out of his coma on Days of Our Lives. A diva will be killed off and her character's brain will be transplanted into Drake's. Joey and the diva hook up. Phoebe and Rachel fight over a guy who left his cell phone in Central Perk.
Or we could use it to call China,
see how those guys are doing.
Why do you get the story?
Yeah, and until now, I didn't think
I would love again.
Ah-ha! Too slow!
Oh, my baby.
Since I'm getting your brain
when you leave the show...
And if it were true, how dare you come
to me and ask me for tips...
Why don't we see what kind of numbers
he has on his speed dial...
You can't use that to get the cute guy
and the last blueberry muffin.
Who has Barney's the store
on their speed dial?
I think it's the Dying Cat Parade.
I mean, come on. That is just noise!
They don't know exactly when
it's going to happen, but soon...
Oh, you're right.
If you could help me capture
the essence of the character... .
I've been watching some tapes.
Do you remember going into my purse
and stealing the phone?
My digital fairy tale's
about to begin.
At my apartment.
You just said it.
...and every person in that room.
Try it again. He owns it.
He owns the room.
Hey, hey. Maybe this is a good thing.
Well, let's just say
if I'd left 15 years ago...
Oh, hey, come on. Don't do this.
You own the room.
...she usually puts...
But I think that maybe your hands
are just a little off. They should...
- We heard you play from our apartment.
- Were you the ones who called the cops?
Just give me a chance to perform for
you, then decide whatever you want.
- No, that's my assistant.
- Is he coming?
They sent me today's script.
They never send me the script.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Great. Hey, all right! What is it?
Aired 16 years ago - Feb 08, 2001
When Rachel turns 30, the gang reminisces about their 30th birthdays. While trying to patch things up with Ursula, Phoebe discovers that she is 31. Ross buys a sports car to look cool. Monica gets drunk in front of her parents. Rachel breaks up with Tag because she is looking for commitment, while he is not.
- I've always been into cars.
- What's the horsepower?
Like my nose or my tongue or something.
And I can't believe you have
a tux that's 30 years old.
Might want to puke on you later.
We'll get you some coffee.
They'll never know that you're drunk.
I'll break into this minivan,
put it in neutral.
Yeah, no, we're not 30.
We're 31. Okay.
I got a big box of family stuff
when my mom died.
- That's my first name.
- Right. Okay. Then, no.
Maybe that'll liven up this party.
For my last birthday,
you gave me a hug.
I don't have any of those things.
That's why it's so funny.
It was stupid to get upset about
not having a husband and kids.
Which gives me five years.
And I'd like to know the guy
for a year, year and a half...
No, Ross. No, it is not fine.
I'm telling you, it's like
watching Bambi learn how to walk.
I told you to come straight to me
when they were ready.
The plan's working.
I've been drunk before.
Like I haven't met
any Portuguese people.
Hey, you guys, I think
I'm gonna walk her home.
Plus, I'm one-sixteenth Portuguese.
Hey, can I ride this outside?
Aired 16 years ago - Feb 01, 2001
In an attempt to make up for her slow massage business, Phoebe takes a job as a telemarketer for an office supply company. When her first call is to a despondent office manager, she takes it upon herself to convince him to not kill himself. Monica
and Ross discover that their parents are selling their house. When they go to collect their stuff, they find that Mr. Gellar used Monica's boxes to stop flood water from getting to his Porche and all her things are ruined. While attempting to re-arrange the furniture, Rachel breaks Joey's favorite chair (that he's named Rosita).
- Come on. You know they love you.
- As much as they love you?
...and they were both horrible tippers.
Okay, I can do that.
I'd like to talk
about your toner needs.
They always say they
don't need toner. That's okay.
Let's grab our stuff and
get the hell out of here.
Not as much as you loved to play
"uncooked batter eater. "
I don't know.
Math, "A. " Science, "A. "
History, "A. " Gym... .
How are you ever gonna sell
Can I speak to your
supply manager, please?
I hear what you're saying, but at
our prices, everyone needs toner.
...because I'm gonna kill myself.
I guess I could push it back.
...and no one's even looked up
from their desk. Hang on.
...your name is Rosita.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
There is. If your heart is pure,
wondrous things can happen.
...that makes her think
you love me more than her.
Monica came here for some memories.
Damn it, we'll give her some.
If you want to tell the medical marvel
story while we work, that'd be fine.
You know, this thing has
speakers in the headrest?
All right. Let's just forget about
the people at the office, okay?
You never went anywhere without...
Oh, this is yours.
The garage flooded, sweetie,
and ruined your boxes. I'm sorry.
...so you could keep the bottom
of your car from water?
What if I said you could
do it in my apartment?
Well, that's awesome! That's great!
What made you do it?
Joey, you broke my chair!
The lady who sells toner?
Think about it, okay?
This isn't even my regular job.
...all came together so I could
stop you from doing this?
...but the universe does,
and that says a lot.
I really wish they'd care
a little bit.
Aired 17 years ago - Jan 11, 2001
Ross assembles the gang on the roof to watch a meteor shower. They all decide to leave, however. Ross becomes trapped on the roof with Joey; the two try to escape using the fire escape. Rachel and Tag argue over which one of them forgot to send a
package at work. Phoebe's fire alarm won't stop beeping. Chandler and Monica can't seem to fall asleep together, so they keep waking each other up.
Hey, Bapstein was a very
well-respected astronomer from...
Sorry, I just can't sleep.
It's in the living room,
where there's also a light...
Please don't be a spaceship.
Please don't be a spaceship.
We're gonna go down the fire escape!
We could just talk
to each other all night long.
No, I was talking
about the book I was reading.
Maybe I'm embarrassed because you
talk on the phone with your crotch.
...to the right of that
patch of ice, okay?
...you go up to the roof
and you let me in.
Well, I'm not gonna lie to you, Joey.
It's a possibility.
- Okay. Well, you be careful.
- No, Ross, stop it.
Here's your milk.
What should we talk about?
How could you know?
Look at this mess, Tag.
Really? Very cute braces.
...he put them on my desk,
and then I put a Post-it on it...
...and you know, explain later.
Yeah. We had sex
and then we fell asleep.
Yeah. You rock my world.
Okay. Okay. I'm ready.
Well, I probably won't spill coffee
grounds all over the kitchen floor.
See you in my office for a minute?
...crawled across the floor,
then jumped onto my desk?
Oh, hi, Officer Fireman.
Can I help you?
Why didn't I see that?
Now, should I climb down your front
so we're face to face...
Aired 17 years ago - Jan 04, 2001
Phoebe gets angry with Joey when he blows off dinner with her for a date. The tables are turned however when her scientist boyfriend David returns to town for one night--the same night when she's scheduled to go to dinner with Joey. Monica is upset
by her lack of invitation to a cousin's wedding, especially when she finds out that Ross was invited "with guest". She convinces Ross to take her as his guest, only to find that the cousin had a good reason to not invite her--she had previously slept with the groom. Chandler accidentally gets a cheesecake delivered that was intended for another apartment. When he and Rachel start eating it, they are unable to stop and refuse to give it back. In fact, the cheesecake is so good, they take the replacement delivery as well.
"Pheebs, can't make it.
Got a date. Talk to you later.
Wait, what are you
middle-naming me for?
Boyfriends and girlfriends will
come and go, but this is for life.
They delivered it here again.
It had a buttery, crumbly,
graham cracker crust...
We haven't had lunch.
We're just lightheaded.
Joey, that paper's like a year old.
Limited seating? I am just
one tiny person!
What's the big deal? I wasn't invited
to the ceremony, just the reception.
And despite what some people say,
I mean, we grew up together.
Mrs. Braverman must be out.
Go! Go! Go!
You look great too.
Did you get a haircut?
I really wanted to see you...
...but, you know, at certain angles... .
No, I have to go in a few hours.
I have to be on the redeye.
I made a whole speech about how
you do not cancel plans with friends.
Or I should rush through dinner
with Joey and meet David at 9.
Hey, what have you got there?
Really? Monica said
she had a date at 9.
Here, I think this is us.
A blood relative. Blood.
- Are you guys ready?
We've heard the specials three times.
Yeah, I'm very wise. I know.
- What's the rush?
Don't make me feel badly.
My girl the other night was special.
She was a scientist too.
What are you still doing here?
I told you, lobster ravioli!
- How can you eat it without me?
- What'll you do?
You think I trust you with it?
Well, this side looks bigger.
No sharing, no switching,
and don't come crying to me...
No switching, no sharing.
And don't come crying to me.
That's really beautiful.
What does it mean?
But I figured I probably shouldn't
Now's not the time, Joey.
You can yell at me tomorrow.
Aired 17 years ago - Dec 14, 2000
Ross's plans to teach Ben about Hanukkah are continually thwarted when the young boy can't get his mind off of Santa. Phoebe prepares to move back into her refurbished apartment, with or without Rachel. However, she'll stop at nothing to get Rachel
to go with her, including buying Joey a drum set. Monica is mystified by Chandler's inability to tip properly.
I'm sorry. But not that sorry,
you don't have to live with it.
Hanukkah is a celebration
of a miracle.
When is Santa coming?
- Santa's mad at me.
- No, hey, hey, come on.
It's easy. Just keep it casual.
Those people just left. Come on.
Quick, give him the money.
I was worried that
they would create maybe...
You got Joey drums to annoy Rachel...
I had a tarantula when I was a kid.
But it died because my cat ate it.
He's so much fun.
...said you were having
so much fun here...
I'm the Holiday Armadillo!
...so close to Christmas.
...for all the Southern states.
- Ho, ho, ho!
...Weird Turtle Man?
You said you were having trouble
finding a Santa costume...
I'm sorry, Chandler,
but this is really important to me.
Did your dad ever dress up like Santa?
...I can't even feel
my grandmother's presence anymore.
Do you really not know
where I'm going?
Starting to feel her again there,
...it's closer to work.
Aired 17 years ago - Dec 07, 2000
When Phoebe tells the gang about how she was too poor to have a bike as a child, Ross goes out and buys her one. Phoebe loves the bike but the gang soon discovers that she doesn't know how to ride a bike. Ross decides to teach her. Rachel writes a
playful work evaluation of Tag that he accidentally turns in to human resources. Rachel fears for her job but Tag is able to cover by claiming that he wrote the review himself as a joke. Monica decides to make candy and leave it outside her door as a way to meet the neighbors. The candy is a huge hit and people start dropping by at all hours to get more. Eventually Chandler convinces her that she's trying to buy the friendship of the neighbors and it's not working since they love the candy but don't even know her name.
Well, you know,
we did other stuff too.
But you know, there is one thing
that I have yet to evaluate.
The basket is totally empty!
The neighbors ate it all!
They've come by all day.
They love it.
Oh, my God, Ross!
Okay. Oh, my God.
Seems like I'd remember you.
So did you read your evaluation yet?
- What did you say?
- I said you were a good kisser...
Under problems with performance,
I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not. "
She really likes it, huh?
- Hey, so you enjoying the bike?
- Oh, uh-huh, so much.
I told you not to get
involved with your assistant.
Maybe it's not that bad. They might
not take it the way I meant it.
I'm sorry, I can't help you.
See? Rules are rules.
I can't believe that sign didn't work.
You want to talk about getting
people to like you, huh, funny man?
Wait, this seat
is really uncomfortable.
- Well, in case of an emergency.
- What kind of emergency?
Okay, Phoebe, just get on the bike...
Here we go. All right?
- I just thought you were doing so well.
- I am shocked. Shocked!
I could've been killed, you know.
Because it's... .
...you're killing its spirit.
But his assistant, Betty, comes in
early to eat breakfast at her desk.
Hello, Rachel. You got a minute?
Oh, my God,
can you imagine if there was?
It's kind of a risky joke, Tag.
There's a time and a place.
I can't believe you did that.
That was sweet.
Aired 17 years ago - Nov 23, 2000
Ross drives himself insane when he can't name all 50 states in a simple game. Tag joins the gang for Thanksgiving dinner, where Joey accidentally spills the beans about Rachel's crush on him. Phoebe sneaks a dog into the apartment, making Chandler extremely nervous.
All right, I bet I can get
all 50 before dinner.
I'm gonna go out and take a walk.
I'm very good.
Why is a dog in our apartment?
Oh, my God! Where are you?
I wanted to see if your offer
was still good.
Where's the dog?
No, that's just me coughing.
Hello, my name is Klunkers.
That's odd. This dog's been
living here for the past three days.
- Okay, it's...
- Don't do it!
Wait. Do you not like all dogs?
It's like Ross not liking ice cream.
So either the dog goes or I go.
I'd say about a month.
Because if he doesn't like you,
this is all a moo point.
You're right. I'm sorry.
How you holding up?
But you know, then I figure
it has to work out.
...so obviously you are not
repulsed by it. Yeah!
...because I'm attracted to you.
Which is why it would be great
if you said something right about now.
We still have time to talk,
and they're not even in the car yet.
Hey. I didn't know either.
She's very upset
about this whole Klunkers thing.
This is just like that...
- What's the matter?
- Monica's upset because of Klunkers.
Dammit. Why did I open my mouth?
- What? Why would...?
- Wait and see.
Which, FYI, Ross,
one of your neighbors, growing weed.
She climbed up the fire escape...
Okay, maybe this is so hard,
because there aren't 50 states.
Aired 17 years ago - Nov 16, 2000
Rachel and Phoebe convince Joey to keep dating a girl that they are like. However, the girls must decide whether to tell Joey when they find out that she's not interested in a serious relationship with him. Monica unintentionally invites Janice to
her wedding and she and Chandler are unable to tactfully uninvite her. Ross is proud to find his thesis in the library but gets upset when he discovers it is in a section that is so deserted that students go there to make out.
I'd like to meet this chicken expert.
She cornered me. She asked me
if the wedding was in town.
So she comes to the wedding.
Maybe it won't be so bad.
She's probably not gonna even
want to come.
Do it Saturday. We're having
dinner with her and Clark.
Joey, I'm sorry. I just couldn't
tell her all those things.
Man, do you know what guys want.
You always say that.
My doctoral dissertation is in the
library at school. I went to see it.
. . .was there a place on campus
where students went to fool around?
Whose birthday party?
And instead of reading it,
people are. . . .
We had the best time.
She loves sandwiches, sports.
Although she is a Met fan.
Why don't you tell me
about your lovely wedding.
It's actually going to be just family.
Do you want me to sing
"Careless Whisper" or "Lady in Red"?
How's it going with Joey?
But you said that you liked him.
I guess ltalian isn't one
of the four languages you speak.
I guess it wasn't cupid
that brought her here.
Oh, you're fellow scholars.
Did you write this?
Well, I skipped fourth grade.
I'm a loner too, right?
-Next time, make sure she likes me.
-Well, that too.
I say we go with "Careless Whisper. "
. . .but I just felt like I really
couldn't be alone tonight.
Our kids are gonna call her
Aunt Janice, aren't they?
We'll just let her stay.
Monica and I have been immunized,
but sadly. . .
Aired 17 years ago - Nov 09, 2000
Rachel and Phoebe compete to be Monica's maid-of-honor. Joey and Ross find themselves in awkward positions after a nap. Monica insists that Chandler apologize to an ex-girlfriend for dumping her because of a weight gain.
Oh, my God, Phoebe.
I mean I'm just--
No way, Phoebe.
I want to be Monica's.
No, it was more like a "good luck. "
. . .both blond, both not attractive.
No, we're still together.
I said fa--
You have been maid of honor before?
See how you'd handle
-Can't we just flip a coin?
-No, coins hate me.
Wow, this cologne really is
every bit as good as Giorgio.
No. No, we don't.
I've had better.
Honey, are you kidding?
That was like 1 6 years ago.
You'll be scored
on a scale of one to ten.
I don't want to marry Chandler.
And you just have to remember
that you love Chandler.
We haven't even prepared--
. . .and became friends with Chandler
when he was 25. . .
. . .while we were
showering together, naked.
I owe you a long, overdue apology.
-I'm sorry, Rach, it was really close.
Boy, I tell you. That judging stuff
took a lot out of me.
As bad as that went,
I actually enjoyed myself.
-That was totally different.
And I was thinking about it.
Oh, God, this is funny. Look.
-Something. And. . .
This was the garter
that I was saving for my wedding.
Aired 17 years ago - Nov 02, 2000
While taking an engagement picture for himself and Monica, Chandler cannot make anything but a weird face. Rachel enlists Joey to take Tag out for a night on the town. Phoebe and Ross date a couple in the middle of a divorce.
Dude, that's so sad.
I'm just about to go out to the store.
We've been flirting back and forth. . .
Great, that's great, Monica. Great.
You got anything that's
not Ralph Lauren?
It's gonna take a lot of money for
me to go out on a date with a dude.
Ooh, hey, doughnuts!
Gaze into our future and think about
our marriage and the days to come.
Hey, don't laugh at him.
He's my drowning moron.
Can't all be bad.
Well, I missed the semifinals,
so I think I would just be lost.
. . .who, by the way, did not
spend the night?
Look, Kyle just told me
some really bad stuff about her.
At breakfast, I'll be on alert for
room painting and sex weapons.
Listen to me, she is crazy!
-Did you have fun with Joey?
-Yeah, we went to the Knicks game.
How you doing?
You want to know what I do
when I take résumé shots?
Yeah, and you had fun teaching him
how to be all "Joey. "
I will get over it.
Tag, there's such a thing
as too many women.
I fell asleep on the subway
and went to Brooklyn.
. . .and a little more time
in the bedroom.
Excuse her for knowing
what she wants to do with her life.
We want the last 6 years back!
-Went out with Joey.
I've always been happier when--
Why am I telling you this?
-I'm getting back together with my ex.
-I would love to!
Maybe she wouldn't have to be
selfish in bed. . .
Well, I went over to Kyle's last night
to pick up a few things. . .
Aired 17 years ago - Oct 26, 2000
While hiring a new assistant, Rachel is torn between hiring a much more qualified woman, or a handsome but inexperienced young man. Monica, Chandler and Ross engage in a war of secret sharing after Monica and Chandler vow to be more honest. Joey has problems when his TV show is cancelled after just one airing.
I'm so happy for you.
I get to hire my own assistant.
Well, thank you so much for coming in.
I haven't worked in an office before.
I don't have much experience--
What was with all the whispering?
Really? So tell me what happened
to Ross, junior year at Disneyland.
So Ross has about ten tacos.
Nancy Thompson, from Phoebe's
old massage place, is getting fired.
You have an assistant, right?
I love him.
I hear you. You make a lot of sense.
Can I just say one more thing?
-When do I start?
-How about right now?
Who looks more like me than me, right?
I was Doctor Drake Ramoray!
There is a plant in your office.
Thanks again for meeting with me.
First, I need you to go downstairs. . .
Hey, what's that? Dinner stuff?
You making dinner?
Excuse me, Mr. Mexico.
Okay, okay. I had food poisoning.
It's not like I chose to do it!
-How could you?
-I had to. We're getting married.
So he goes over to her and, after
a minute or two, I see them kissing.
My new assistant is very happy
that I hired my new assistant.
. . .Ross used to wear leg warmers.
Maybe Chandler should know
your secrets too.
Monica couldn't tell time
until she was 1 3.
Yesterday, I had two TV shows.
Today, I got nothing.
Because! They wanted me to audition.
Nobody. I was just practicing.
He's Tag. This is Phoebe.
Phoebe, can I see you for a sec?
I know how it looks,
but I am telling you--
I was an idiot, thinking I'm too big
to audition for you.
This guy's been in a coma
for five years. It's hopeless.
Drake, it's your brother, Stryker.
Can you hear me?
You know, in my defense. . .
Aired 17 years ago - Oct 19, 2000
Rachel tries to teach Joey how to sail his boat but turns into an overbearing perfectionist. They both decide it's more fun to sit in the boat at the dock and drink beer. Chandler plays racquetball with Monica's father and accidentally sits on his
It took three guys
to get the thing in there.
-I've been sailing my whole life.
Great! Dad must like you!
. . .and make sure no one
steals the trashcans.
I made a batch and froze it.
This is the only one left.
He thinks he can take up the
-We're not finished with our lesson.
Okay, let's do that, Sailor Joe.
No. What do you do if I say
we're coming about?
I can't believe that.
Chauncey on the other hand. . . .
We hadjust finished playing,
and we were gonna take a steam.
You gave my father a lap dance.
He probably thought it was funny.
I'll call you later, Dad.
I love you.
I figured I would try to convince
him not to tell the story anymore. . .
I don't know. You know,
they didn't get us anything.
Because you're mean on the boat.
But you couldn't move. . .
It was horrible.
I was being a really good teacher.
It would have hurt a lot less
if I had finished that last beer.
No, just a Friday night.
I did not like batch 1 6.
Batch 1 6.
Sixteen, people, get out of the way!
See what I did there?
. . .flew over with the fish
in his mouth.
You're yelling, and I don't
see you taking your top off.
Oh, my God.
I try so hard not to be my mother,
I didn't see this coming.
-Yeah, come on.
It would make my grandmother happy. . .
What about your sister?
That's what you think.
Aired 17 years ago - Oct 12, 2000
Everybody begins planning for the wedding. Phoebe moves in with Ross. Napping in Rachel's bed because the duck threw up in his, Joey discovers that Rachel has been reading a trashy romance novel. Phoebe moves her massage parlor in Ross's apartment.
Monica's parents spent her wedding money on a beach house, but Chandler has enough saved for a decent wedding.
Well, he did not get sick
somewhere in there. . .
-What about centerpieces?
Guys, guys, you gotta let me nap.
-All right, I'm gonna go.
-Joey, what did the duck do?
Hey, little buddy. How you feeling?
She threw caution to the wind
and reached out and grabbed his--"
Phoebe, you can't massage people
in my apartment.
-You found my book?!
-Yeah, I did!
It's a healthy expression
of female sexuality. . .
-No, she's out for the night.
Thank you so much.
I'll pick him up in an hour.
-I've never heard that story.
-Dad, you don't--
At least you're not hearing it
at your 5th grade Halloween party.
You have the wedding fund, don't you?
So you've had seven years
of beach fun. . .
Enough. I don't want
to hear about it anymore.
I mean, you don't need to have this. . .
It's really gonna be okay.
This is exactly
the budget of my dream wedding.
. . .and I have some of it earmarked
for the future, not just for a party.
But if you call our wedding
a party one more time. . .
Yes, I am.
You know what? It's probably
just your burning loins.
. . .gave him a really weird massage.
He said he liked that!
. . .that I would do anything
to make you happy.
Forget about the future and stuff.
Well, stuff like where we'd live,
We'd have an apartment over the garage
where Joey could grow old.
Aired 17 years ago - Oct 12, 2000
Everybody toasts the engagement. Phoebe wants to be the musician at the wedding. Joey prepares for an audition where he must play a 19-year-old. After Chandler can't get it up for Monica, he worries about the consequences. Ross and Rachel debate a "bonus night". Monica catches them kissing and thinks Rachel is trying to steal her night.
Is my candy bar around here?
200 people are gonna be looking at you
in a clean, white dress.
Don't worry about it.
Check it out. I could play this
while the guests are coming in, okay.
You okay over there?
It's just because you and l,
we were like a nightmare.
I can think of one good thing.
Hey, you know what we never did?
I really. . .
. . .you are definitely 1 9.
The reason I'm asking
is because I had kind of a--
-It's happened to you?
Check this out.
I waited my whole life
to be engaged. . .
Are you back together?
Can I sing at your wedding?
Problems in the bedroom
are between a man and woman.
-You guys kissed? This is huge.
-That would be lovely.
-You got it.
Monica, this is ridiculous.
Monica won't take this away.
And so do l.
You said I could sing at your wedding,
so I need a small deposit.
You want to sing at their wedding,
sing at their wedding.
-That'll get rid of my wisdom?
-Maybe 1 0 minutes for you.
What a great apology.
And you accept it. Bye-bye.
My sweet 1 6. You went to third base
with my cousin Charlie.
Whenever I get married
Guess who won 't be asked to sing
Why else would you have
made out with Ross?
Is that why you did it in the secret
hallway, where nobody ever goes?
Mon, why, why would I ever want
to take away from your night?
Come on, Ross. Let's go have sex!
Look, if we're gonna do this--
Yeah, you like that, baby?