Aired 23 years ago - May 18, 1995
Joey's new girlfriend wants to go to bed with him but he can't yet. He's participating in a fertility study. During Rachel's birthday party, Chandler accidentally lets it slip that Ross is in love with her. However, Ross is on his way to China to
identify a bone for the museum. Monica is excited about becoming friends-in-law with her roommate but gets defensive when Rachel can't decide about whether she wants to be more than friends with Ross. But when she finally makes up her mind, it may be too late. Returning from China, with Rachel waiting at the gate, Ross is with another woman with whom he is obviously involved.
Is she becoming your special someone?
Well, the tough thing is,
she really wants to have sex with me.
-...if you know what I mean.
- Joey, we always know what you mean.
You're going to China?
- See, there's this guy she met at--
- The coffeehouse? Right.
Yeah? I guess. I don't know.
I just think you're nice.
Like "The Three Musketeers,"
only with fruit.
She thinks tonight's the night
we're gonna complete the transaction...
Not following you.
Well, thank you, Melanie.
The doctors say if they remove it,
We were walking by this antique store,
and I saw this pin in the window.
Oh, it's so pretty.
[C L EARS T I-l ROAT]
Is there a mute button on this woman?
...he wouldn't mind getting
a cup of coffee or something.
- Hi. Your boarding pass?
All right. What's the message?
Toby, I don't know
what she's talking about.
I think I blacked out there
for a minute.
Forget about me. Let's, uh--
Let's give you another turn.
I gotta tell you, you are nothing like
I thought you would be.
I mean, you're practically a woman.
Another good point.
Is he not cute enough for you?
Does he not make enough money?
- From who?
- From you.
I've decided this Ross thing
is not a good idea.
I was a teensy bit weird at first...
I can't believe you'd rather
go out with him than me.
Well, he seems to be
a very nice guy.
Aired 23 years ago - May 11, 1995
As Monica's biological clock ticks away like a time bomb, Carol goes into labor. When Ross and Susan can't stop bickering over who gets to help Carol more, Phoebe drags both of them into a closet to settle their differences - but all three end up
getting locked in just as Carol's about to give birth to the baby. And Rachel flirts with an OB/GYN who has a love-hate relationship with women's private parts.
And if you need anything else, I...
Or just fall down. That's good too.
They couldn't hit a boat if-- Wait.
[SINGING] They're tiny and chubby
And so sweet to touch
Dear God. This parachute is a knapsack.
No, I haven't seen him.
Mom, we've been through this.
Yes. Okay. Hold on.
Hey, Knick fan, am I interested
in your views on fatherhood? Um, no.
Know what the Celtics' problem is?
They let the players run the team.
We just passed by it
during the whole Jesse/Cody/Dillon fiasco.
...and you're not making it any easier.
What is that? Something exploded.
Okay, who wants to hear
There you go, dear. You...
Push, push, push.
And they found their bodies
The very next--
What do you mean,
this might be your only chance?
- Where have you been?
JOEY: Oh, I just had a baby.
No. No, not at--
At the moment, no, I'm not, no.
...and you're just like,
If I see one more cup of coffee
Oh. I wasn't by myself.
I had a doctor, a nurse and a helper guy.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
This is all your fault.
When this day is over,
you get to go home with the baby.
...who care about it so much that they fight
over who gets to love it the most...
Relax. You're only at nine centimeters,
and the baby's at zero station.
What do you see?
Wait! You forgot your legs!
There's too many people in this room.
There's about to be one more.
What do you see? What do you see?
Aired 23 years ago - May 04, 1995
After losing his virginity to her, Monica's boyfriend Young Ethan reveals that he's a high school senior. Rachel has erotic dreams about Joey and Chandler, making Ross both disgusted and envious. And when Phoebe temps as Chandler's secretary, she finds out that no one at work likes him anymore.
it involves a lot of being normal...
No, it's for when Carol goes into labor.
She can get me wherever I am.
He's our age.
No, I'm sorry,
he's in a meeting right now.
Well, now I actually have to get to work.
- Am I out of control?
- Just a touch.
Would you let it go, Ross?
It was just a dream.
No, Andre is not here. Third time today.
Excellent. Everyone was so, so nice.
- I thought you knew that.
But then you got promoted,
and now you're all, like, Mr. Boss-Man.
Ha, ha. You did not.
Uh, unless you wanna stay over.
...there's something you should know.
And, um, well, I figure if you can be honest,
then I can too.
I just had sex.
Okay, Andre should be there
in about 45 minutes.
...anybody else there?
That is so sweet, you guys.
Next time you talk to him...
Let them see
what a great guy you still are.
This morning he got a call
from what I think was our cousin Nathan.
- I thought that was just a rumor.
RACHEL: True story.
Monica, this is ridiculous.
We are great together.
- Love you.
Aired 23 years ago - Apr 27, 1995
When Monica's credit card is stolen, she, along with Phoebe and Rachel, decide to catch the thief. Joey enlists his friends to help him come up with a less ethnic-sounding stage name. And when Ross finds out that Marcel has reached sexual maturity and needs to be with other monkeys, he tries to get him accepted into the Harvard of zoos.
- I think you'd remember that!
- Oh, yes!
So you can dance with the woman
that stole your card?
We're just here to observe.
Hey, do you see anybody
you think could be me?
Five, six. Five, six, seven, eight.
Great, it's gym class all over again.
It's okay, it's okay!
I'm here, I'm here. I'm so sorry I'm late.
What does this mean?
But that may just be a pipe dream
because he's out-of-state.
- We found the girl!
They threw us out.
I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
I'm not like you. I can't even
stand in front of a tap class.
And then one day, I saw a movie
that changed my life.
It's like, "Kid, wait a year.
Leave home, do some community theater!"
They take, like, dogs and cows.
Apparently, he was this Russian dictator
who slaughtered all these people!
Does he, uh, fight with other animals?
...but if you give him to me,
I'll start him against a blind rabbit...
I am so drunk!
I'm not just the person
who needs to fluff the pillows...
I'm not too bad.
Fortunately, blue's my color.
I can't believe you're in here.
What am I gonna do without you?
Well, not worried,
you know, just wondering.
Really? Then why are you like that?
Aired 23 years ago - Apr 06, 1995
Rachel and Barry start dating again, which is kind of awkward because he's now engaged to Mindy, who wants Rachel to be her maid of honor. But when Rachel finds out that Mindy and Barry had an affair while she was engaged to Barry, the two women
decide to give Barry what for. Meanwhile, Chandler goes nuts when a woman he likes won't return his phone calls.
No. No, actually, he's smiling.
- See? Hey, Rach.
And I told him not to, but he got me
a little bottle of Chanel.
It was comfortable and it was familiar.
All right. All right, all right, all right.
I know it's stupid.
Oh. It was so nice
having this little sink here.
Like I haven't been sitting around here
honing for the last two hours?
This morning, I caught him
looking into our apartment.
Yeah, toast, oatmeal.
Nothing that spatters.
- What about Mindy?
- Oh, way better than Mindy.
Let's go away this weekend.
...can also be used as a phone.
- You don't think that makes me seem...?
- Desperate? Needy? Pathetic?
...and is choosing not to call me.
Now I'm needy and snubbed.
Uh, Rach. How come you have
dental floss in your hair?
You had what?
It's nothing like me and Carol.
It's apples and oranges.
It's orthodontists and lesbians...
Really, oh, God...
Hi, it's me. I just... Ha! Mindy.
Relax. She may not even know.
- Ugh, I feel so...
Okay, I'm gonna just ask you this once,
and I want a straight answer.
Well, ever since we announced
the engagement, he's acted weird.
- What? What's what you were afraid of?
- Okay, okay.
He's gonna do to you what he did
to Rachel." And now I feel so stupid.
I tried to call you from the coffee shop.
There was no answer.
Yeah, I can see you right now. Hello?
Yeah, my neighbor. Yeah, the brunette.
Mindy, of course, Mindy.
It was always Mindy.
Oh, God. Uh, I'll be right there, Bernice.
Aired 23 years ago - Mar 09, 1995
The gang searches frantically for Marcel, who slipped out of the apartment while Rachel was baby-sitting him. After Marcel is found and safe, Ross finally gets up the courage to try to woo Rachel. But just when it looks like the two might actually
spend a romantic evening alone together, Barry, the ex-Mr. Potato Head, barges into the apartment declaring his love for her.
I guess it's not about no guys.
I mean, do you think
you can ever have both?
...curl your toes...
...and, like, buses going really fast.
That's right. You're gonna spend tomorrow
at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you?
I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.
But she said she's looking for someone.
And someone is gonna be there tonight.
Anyway, you know, I figured after work,
I'd go pick up a bottle of wine...
...you'll be finished with this sucker
by the end of the week.
Are you playing with Monica's shoes?
You know you're not supposed to...
A little engagement gift.
Well, we know it wasn't Dexter,
right, Marcel? Because...
Those cute little black ones
I wear all the time.
...so he's probably gonna want
to do some of the touristy things.
Okay, you stay here
and just wait by the phone.
Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey.
Have you seen it?
You owe me a waffle.
- Hey, is that wine?
- Yeah. Yeah.
I kind of, uh... I kind of lost him.
I mean, all I asked you to do
was keep him in the apartment.
- Who is it?
LUISA [OVER INTERCOM]: Animal Control.
Hi. Thanks for coming.
Oh, is that who the monkey's
Pheebs, you remember how we talked about
saying things quietly to yourself first?
Oh, my God, you are.
You think you could you help us out here
on that monkey thing, for old times' sake?
Uh, we're kind of having an emergency,
and, ahem, we were looking for something.
You have no idea how sorry.
But we promised we'd find this monkey.
Oh, yeah. Oh, Marcel. Come here.
He doesn't know the Village.
Oh, my God. There, are you happy now?
I mean, you're off in Rachel Land,
doing your Rachel thing...
I don't have a monkey.
That's my monkey. That's Patty.
Patty the monkey.
- Okay, give me my monkey back.
- That's my monkey.
All right, look, in high school,
I was the prom queen...
Aired 23 years ago - Mar 02, 1995
Tired of being referred to by customers as "Excuse me" Rachel interviews for a job as an assistant buyer at Saks Fifth Avenue. She also sees another side of the usually docile Ross when the girls face the boys during a not-so-friendly game of poker.
- Uh, Joey cried last night.
Well, now, how come you guys
have never played poker with us?
There just don't happen
to be any women in our game.
Okay, I just need two.
The 10 of spades and the six of clubs.
Okay, all right, last minute lesson.
Last minute lesson. Joey.
Heh. I was bluffing.
The Jamestown colony of Virginia.
Hell, no. We'll pay.
- Yes, and I get my ya-yas from lkea.
No, I don't think so.
See, Ross, because I think you love her.
[THE TOKENS' "LION SLEEPS TONIGHT"
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
I was gesturing and the plate
slipped out of my hand.
Oh, it's like the mother ship
is calling you home.
Everything you hear
at a poker game is pure crap.
And we will take
every last dime you have.
That way, we don't have to go
through the formality of actually playing.
That's fine. I'll just have a Tic Tac
to hold me over.
Hey, that's "jo-incidence" with a "C."
Oh, my God. You know what?
I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile.
I fold, like a cheap hooker
who got hit in the stomach...
Um, I will see you and I'll raise you.
- Just deal.
- Hello? Rachel Green.
Yeah, oh, come on. No, I'm fine.
Don't be silly.
Nothing wild, everybody ante.
...and I raise you...
Dealer takes two.
Aired 23 years ago - Feb 23, 1995
After weeks of procrastinating, Rachel finally takes down the Christmas light on their balcony, only to fall off the balcony and sprain her ankle. At the hospital, Rachel - who has no insurance - cajoles Monica into trading identities so she can use Monica's coverage. When Ursula breaks Joey's heart Phoebe tries to fix it.
See, I am so not ready
to be a father.
Oh. Have either of you ever been to
the Rainbow Room? Is it expensive?
You take your time.
If she's my friend, hopefully
she'll understand. Wouldn't you guys?
- Oh, good, Rach.
- Thank you.
The very cute doctors asked us out
for tomorrow night, and I said yes.
All right, what have
we learned so far?
What the hell are you doing?
You scared the crap out of me.
Hi, everybody. Hi, Betty.
We were in the hospital room,
your mother was asleep...
And that's when I knew.
Rachel, the cute doctors are here.
Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we
just tell them who we really are?
Would you relax?
Take a look around.
- I am not a baby.
- Be serious.
Uh, ueah... Uh...
Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.
Um, yeah, um, "twin" thing.
He is so great. But that's over.
So, um, are you gonna call him?
- Because, um...
- You're that stupid.
- Say you never feel like a father.
It's just a fur ball.
Lady, he is people.
He has a name, okay?
Aired 23 years ago - Feb 23, 1995
Joey falls for Phoebe's twin sister, Ursula, making Phoebe feel neglected. Meanwhile, Chandler finds himself between a rock and a hard place, when he is told to fire an employee he is attracted to. And Ross has doubts about parenthood when he attends Lamaze classes with Carol and Susan.
Uh, Pheebs, so you guys
just don't get along?
Well, isn't that gonna be weird?
I'm J.C. And he's Michael.
And, uh, this is Carol Willick,
and this is Susan Bunch.
- Weekly Estimated...
- Oh, Net Usage Statistics.
It's not just that she's cute, okay?
It's just that...
Oh, cool. Urkel in Spanish is Urkel.
Well, someone was supposed to write:
Why? Why would you
want to do that? Why?
I mean, it's true,
we were one egg once.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
Stuck at school.
Some parent-teacher thing.
Mommies, get on your back.
I don't see why I have to miss out on the
coaching training because I'm a woman.
All right, mommies,
take a nice, deep, cleansing breath.
Listen, I know I came in late last week.
I slept funny and my hair was snarly.
Would you like
to have dinner sometime?
Let me put it this way.
Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn?
How bad could it be?
It looks like her.
[CHARACTERS SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
I'm just trying to find the right moment.
Once you're inside,
you don't have to knock anymore.
My cats can't sleep.
Try this on to make sure it fits.
- Are you seeing her again tonight?
- Yep, Ice Capades.
Well, maybe now it's not okay.
She's still here.
In fact, he, uh, mentioned
the word "frenzy."
...until I'm sure she will be
of no threat to herself or others.
For this, after all,
is the miracle of birth.
What that woman...
Mind if we push
this pot roast through it?"
I can't even get Marcel
to stop eating the bathmat.
You meant sex, right?
Oh, well, uh, maybe that's because...
Oh, my God. You're amazing.
Aired 23 years ago - Feb 16, 1995
Monica cooks a gourmet meal for a restaurateur looking for a new chef. Unfortunately, he's stoned and would just as well eat taco shells as her haute cuisine. After working as a data processing permanent temp for five years, Chandler gets promoted
to data processing supervisor, then quits. And Ross has a date with a beautiful colleague named Celia and gives new meaning to the term "spanking the monkey" when he brings her back to his place to meet Marcel. Celia wants to meet his pee-pee, but only if he'll talk dirty to her.
Oh, Monica! Guess what?
Where you going, Mr. Suit-ey Man?
You know, you have goaIs,
you have dreams.
It's this cute IittIe pIace on 1 0th.
Anyone know a good date pIace
in the neighborhood?
I Iove you, Ross.
She's gonna Iook at his furry, cute
IittIe face and it'II seaI the deaI.
I don't know.
We're taIking about whipped fish.
"You're suited for data processing for
a Iarge muIti nationaI corporation. "
Oh, ChandIer, I know, I know.
It's supposed to be that smaII.
It's a pre-appetizer.
But. . . .
But it wasn't a totaI Ioss.
I mean, we ended up cuddIing.
Look, I teII you what.
Try something on me.
. . .your hot, soft skin
with my Iips.
-You're not gonna beIieve this.
I need something more than a job.
I need something I reaIIy care about--
I'm teIIing you, you've got
the wrong guy! You got the wrong guy!
It's so much bigger than the cubicIe.
Okay. That's enough of the view.
Check this out.
When you ran out on your wedding,
I was there for you.
WeII, heIIo! WeIcome to Monica's!
May I take your coat?
Smoked a joint, you know?
Lit a bone. Weed, hemp, ganja.
These are-- They are Iike a IittIe
corn enveIope, you know?
Give them to me.
Aired 23 years ago - Feb 09, 1995
Ross's first date in nine years is on Valentine's Day with a beautiful neighbor. Susan and Carol, also out on a romantic date; end up at the same restaurant. Joey sets Chandler up on a blind date - with Janice. And Phoebe, Rachel and Monica decide to spend the holiday building a boyfriend bonfire in their apartment.
Yes! Way to go, man.
- How do I look?
- Oh, um...
Can you stop yelling?
You're making me nervous...
Okay, Roger was creepy, but he was
nothing compared to Pete Carney.
Or we can chant and dance around naked,
you know, with sticks.
...ever since I was little, I've been
able to pick up quarters with my toes.
So if you want, I have a bag
with just your heads.
What? What can't you do?
Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses
to go, please?
- Just us.
Okay. Well, this was very special.
Oh. Joey. Look who it is.
He just happened to call.
I always forget that part.
All I had is oregano and a Fresca.
...we wouldn't be doing the ritual
in the first place.
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Wait. Isn't it almost pure...?
Hello, funny valentine.
Oh, no. You said they could
shoot the spot without you.
Because she's alone now.
Let's try scooching. Come on.
...some greeting cards...
Oh, little candy hearts.
- It is?
It's not true. I never called
your mother a wolverine.
Maybe I screwed up the first date
I had in nine years.
Aired 23 years ago - Jan 19, 1995
After Chandler accidentally sees Rachel wandering around topless after her shower, a chain reaction of nudity ensues when she tries to even the score by seeing his penis. Joey finds himself playing parent when he has to decide whether to hide his
father's affair from his mom. And no one can stand Phoebe's new boyfriend, an irritating guy named Roger.
I got a job midtown.
I love you,
but it's getting late now...
Remember when you were a kid,
I'd take you to the Navy yard...
What? So he was a little analytical.
That's what he does.
- Ha, ha.
- Why? Why would I? Why?
It's conceivable that
you sabotaged your marriage...
That's not what I was saying.
It wasn't just the Weebles,
but it was the Weeble Play Palace...
ROGER: We're gonna be late, sweetie.
Oh. No, thanks. I'm just waiting
for, uh, Joey Tribbiani.
...they want them laid out
like they're sleeping.
Hey, Dad. Ronni's here.
So who's up for a big
game of Kerplunk?
We'll go to a hotel.
...you're gonna live by my rules.
Then come clean with Ma.
This is not right.
You're not him, you're you.
"No thanks, I'm married."
...it's pee-pee time.
...that it freaked you out?
I came to give you this...
Nothing made him happy.
...what the hell
are you talking about?
Ever since that
poodle-stuffer came along...
I just want it the way it was.
Did you see her?
ROGER: What's wrong, sweetie?
Aired 23 years ago - Jan 12, 1995
Everyone knows the sex of Ross's baby (it's a boy), except for Ross, who doesn't want to find out until it's born. Rachel's relationship with Paulo ends after he makes a pass at Phoebe. And though Monica hates him, she sends him off with one of the
dozen lasagnas she made for her aunt, who doesn't want them anymore because they've got meat in them. Meanwhile, Chandler and Joey go shopping for a new kitchen table and come home with a Foosball table instead.
Poke a nose.
- Yeah, it's a big step.
RACHEL: I know.
Nauseous. I'm physically nauseous.
Is it vegetarian?
Because Susan doesn't eat meat.
Hey. When did you and Susan
meet Huey Lewis?
Don't you wanna know about the sex?
Oh. You know the sex of the baby?
Oh. Ha, ha. Uh, well, is it what
we thought it would be?
- How did you get there?
- I believe this piece of furniture was fine...
Do you think we're ready
for something like that?
...and things got pretty ugly.
And Ms. Summerfield
canceled her 5:30 shiatsu.
Uh, Rachella tell me you...
Uh, I am, uh...
And Monica knows.
Oh, yeah. I'm sure.
- "Ooh," what?
- Ma Thurman.
Oh, yeah, you have to tell her.
That's patio furniture.
Oh, so forget about the birds,
but big red insects suggest fine dining?
...because Paolo's on his way over.
One, my friends are the most
important thing in my life.
- Which proves that I never lie.
- I guess you don't.
I unleashed him on you.
If I'd never met him...
- Pig man.
- Yes, good. Okay.
You gotta make sure
that when Paolo walks out...
Okay, that is either, "How could you?"
Or "Enormous breasts."
...to say goodbye.
Paolo, I just wanna tell you...
And I really think it should be me.
Oh. I've been better.
Aired 23 years ago - Jan 05, 1995
Chandler's romance novelist mum comes to New York to visit him and he's not sure how he feels about it, especially after Joey catches Mrs. Bing and Ross kissing. Meanwhile, Monica and Phoebe compete for the "attention" of Coma Guy, who gets hit by an ambulance after Monica woo-woo's at him on the street.
Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie's
is on Showtime and HBO and Cinemex.
You wouldn't think it's cool
if you were 11...
- Last night.
What is this about you being arrested
in London? What is that about?
That's too much information.
This is the way that I find out.
Most moms use the phone.
And, oh. And teams played sports.
Hi. Sorry. Sorry we're late.
You just start with half a dozen
The girl on the cover
with her nipples showing?
He's just a... You know, a complication
you eventually kill off.
- Wait. Come here.
You broke the code.
apparently somebody overslept.
Okay, you guys are spending
way too much time together.
I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani...
What are you doing here?
Do you, um, come here a lot...
Nothing. Ask Joey. Joey came in...
I wasn't. I don't know. I...
Now, do you think his "love stick"
can be "liberated from its denim prison"?
Now, you tell me she's not a knockout.
I'd like to start with a song
that's about a man I recently met...
Long as you have brain waves
I'll be there to hold your hand
RACHEL: Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay,
Chandler, can I say something?
I know you're still mad at me.
We both have.
What? That's it?
Aired 23 years ago - Dec 15, 1994
The gang makes and breaks a pact to celebrate New Year's Eve without dates. Ross compensates for his loneliness by getting a roommate - a monkey named Marcel whom everyone adores. Well, everyone except Monica, who can't get past the faeces-throwing
thing. And Phoebe faces a difficult decision when she meets a shy physicist who's thinking about giving up a fellowship in Minsk to stay with her.
It's just that I'm sick of being a victim
of this Dick Clark holiday.
Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen,
back by popular demand...
I made a man with eyes of coal
My mother's ashes
And now I...
Excuse me? Excuse me?
That guy's going home with a note.
...was the most beautiful woman
that he'd ever seen in his life.
Then that's when you started yelling.
Well, he's kind of like the guy
I went to see that with.
And special occasions.
Come on, this was a pact.
This was your pact.
Look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?
He threw some feces.
Were you planning on kissing me ever?
But see, I wanted it to be
this phenomenal kiss...
Oh, David, I think you are
a sweeping sort of fella.
Okay. Okay, okay.
- You want me to actually throw you...?
- I can hop.
Now, tell me something, what does
the phase "no-date pact" mean to you?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's no room for milk.
- What's the matter?
- Oh, it's Marcel.
No. Have you seen David?
Three years, all expenses paid.
- What are you doing here?
- Um, well, Max told me about Minsk.
No, no, no. I want to stay here
and make out with my girlfriend."
- I can't. Please, just...
- Okay. Stay.
Let me ask you something.
If I showed up with my new girlfriend...
All right. All right.
Just keep him away from me.
Oh, my gosh. Rachel, honey...
So as I'm going to get into a cab,
she tackles me.
- Ha, ha.
You got away from me.
Janice? Janice? Ahem.
One of these times, it's just gonna be
your last chance with me.
I've decided to go to Minsk without you.
Just say, uh, "Phoebe, I love you,
but my work is my life.
Aired 23 years ago - Nov 17, 1994
Monica's first Thanksgiving dinner for the gang burns when they all run to the rooftop to see the runaway Underdog balloon from the parade. Joey wins his first modeling gig as the poster boy for VD. And Ross competes with Susan to "communicate" with his unborn baby.
That's funny, I was thinking you look more
like Joey Tribbiani, man/woman.
Good luck, man. I hope you get it.
You know they're not actually
But we're celebrating Thanksgiving
in December because he's lunar.
- Only $102 to go.
- I thought it was 98.50.
- Come in.
Uh, wouldn't that mean you're...
- Yeah, yeah. All the time.
Look, if she's talking to it, I just think
I should get some belly time too.
...and then we'll all talk,
and you'll hear everything we say.
Forget Vail. Forget seeing my family.
Thanks. You can just put it on the table.
Chandler, here you go.
Got your traditional holiday feast.
I have... And I remember this part vividly.
- A mouthful of pumpkin pie.
- I was the Aramis guy.
You don't know what that means to me.
Listen, do you wanna go get a drink
So I guess you all saw it.
Ugh. All right, that's it.
Get out of my way and stop annoying me.
No, thank you. I prefer to keep
a safe distance from all this merriment.
Hey, Monica, I got a question.
I don't see any Tater Tots.
...you know, before she died.
The most unbelievable thing has happened.
Underdog has gotten away.
An 80-foot inflatable dog
loose over the city?
You don't have to do it
just because Susan does it.
...and juicy on the inside.
No, no, no. You said, "Got the keys."
You're just happy
you don't have gills anymore.
Get the funniest looks from
Everyone we meet
When you come out I'll buy you a bagel
And then we'll go to the zoo
You do the math.
- But I didn't.
- Well, you should have.
You know, just as long as Phoebe
gets her peas and onions...
So why was I busting my ass...
Aired 23 years ago - Nov 10, 1994
Monica and Ross mourn the death of their grandmother Nana, and Monica and Mrs. Gellar come to an unspoken understanding about the relationship between mothers and daughters. Meanwhile, Chandler is irritated by office speculation that he's gay.
Yeah, a quality.
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
Hey, Dad. What's up?
MONICA: How you doing?
ROSS: Hey, Dad.
You know, uh, how the nurse said
Nana had passed?
Uh, I'll go see.
Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is.
It's your hair.
Ever since my mom died,
every now and then...
I always get this strong
See, I don't believe any of that.
I think when you're dead...
I don't see why not.
Here's my retainer.
When my time comes,
I wanna be buried at sea.
And then we throw your body in
the water. Gee, that does sound fun.
Don't worry about it. Apparently,
other people have made the same mistake.
...I'd like to think it'd be
with somebody like him.
Whatever we pick, she would've
told us it's the wrong one.
I can show you something
in a silver that may work.
Some days it's all I can think about.
You're a frightening, frightening man.
The air, the trees.
Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have
no idea who Dorothy is.
Yeah. Not the first two,
but the second two, whew.
I love you, man.
Rachel. Rachel, Rachel.
Do you know what it's like
to grow up...
That is a wonder.
How she drove you crazy,
picking on every little detail.
I think some things are
better left unsaid.
Aired 23 years ago - Nov 03, 1994
Just as Phoebe's about to sing miserable folk songs at Central Perk, New York has a blackout. The gang returns to Monica and Rachel's apartment, where Ross is about to tell Rachel he likes her. Meanwhile, Chandler is stuck in an ATM vestibule with Victoria's Secret model Jill Goodacre, whom he desperately tries to impress.
...and you still haven't said
one word. Oh, God.
Yeah, I'm fine.
He's trapped in an ATM vestibule
with Jill Goodacre.
Okay, um, senior year of college,
on a pool table.
Oh, my God. What were you
doing in a library?
Tell us. Come on.
Well, Barry wouldn't even kiss me
on a miniature-golf course.
I'll tell you something.
Passion is way overrated.
Because you waited too long
to make your move...
- What, now?
- Uh, don't you hear that?
- Uh, sorry, it's not.
- Then, no, thanks.
New York City has no power
Okay, listen. You gotta promise you'll
never, ever tell Ross that I told you.
Don't look at me.
This is Ross' thing.
Oh. Looks like I was second to last.
Uh, actually, it's not
so much a question...
- Yes, that's right.
ls the love that I found
Ever since you've been around
Why not put "poor little Tootie"
in the hall?
II ll' Couldfi/e said, Gum would be
nice "I'// have a stick. " But, no.
- Bob Buttons?
Where did you go,
little kitty, kitty, kitty?
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
I looked all over the building
and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.
We're back on track and I'm...
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
...and we don't even speak
the same language...
That's not the point.
Aired 23 years ago - Oct 27, 1994
Joey gets his big film break when he's hired to be Al Pacino's stunt butt. Chandler has second thoughts about an exotic married woman who wants him to be her sex toy. And Monica tries hard to prove to her friends that she really doesn't have a type-A personality and can be as kooky as the next anal-retentive chef.
There he is!
RACHEL: You're right.
ROSS: We saw your head.
I like that better.
The usher gave me this to give to you.
How was your date, Chandler?
I've been talking about myself
all night long. I'm sorry.
We talked till 2.
It was this perfect evening.
...sliding your foot
so far up my leg...
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
All the fun, all the talking,
all the sex...
I mean, anthropologically...
I used all the attachments on
the vacuum except for that round one.
I see you moved the green ottoman.
But you know what? Just for fun...
I can't believe you tried
to move the green ottoman.
All right, you madcap gal!
Okay, then you let me
go grocery shopping...
A glass is on the table.
There's no coaster.
Monica, you're Mom.
That was my agent.
"I'm out of order?
You're out of order!
...I'm his butt.
No, no, no. No resentment.
So, uh, Monica, can you
help me with the door?
Damn it! Hire the girl.
Butt guy, what are you doing?
I think his butt would like
to get the shot before lunch.
But if you have to ask...
Look at them.
Look at how happy they are.
It's not Rick.
And Andrew is...?
So, what do you want?
Why can't we just have
what we have now?
I mean, one guy's saying,
"Shut up! This is great!"
So which one of the two guys
will you listen to?
Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.
Aired 23 years ago - Oct 20, 1994
Joey wants to get back together with a former girlfriend he dumped, so he tricks Monica into posing as his new gal pal. Ross helps Rachel, a laundry virgin, do her first load of wash. And Chandler has a difficult time breaking up with his annoying girlfriend, Janice.
Nothing. I'm fine.
Oh, my God. Angela.
That seems pretty cool.
Was that not clear?
And not just at the fun stuff,
but, like, talking too.
He's smart, he's sophisticated...
I'm thinking if I do this
for her brother...
It's just you and Rachel?
Just the two of you?
What? It says I'm a sensitive,
warm kind of guy.
I blew off the rest of the afternoon.
I went shopping.
I got you...
You know, no suds, no save.
Well, that's because you're
such a sweet, gentle...
Have you never done this before?
Basically, you wanna use
one machine for all your whites.
these are white cotton panties.
- Brooklyn Heights.
...or a weasel.
Just do it really fast,
and then the wound is exposed.
Okay, here we go.
I don't think we should go out anymore.
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
No, it's like... The first time I had to make
dinner for myself after Carol left me...
The laundry song that we sing.
...everything's kind of pink.
My father's right!
I can't live on my own.
Like you've never got a little
rambunctious with Ross.
I just couldn't stop laughing
at your Norman Mailer story.
I'm the bing, you're the boom...
Aired 23 years ago - Oct 13, 1994
This is the one where Ross mourns the anniversary of losing his virginity to Carol while at a hockey game with the guys. Rachel gets her first paycheck, the girls have a slumber party, and George Stephanopoulos's pizza is delivered to Monica by mistake.
...and couldn't decide
which one of you got to bring a date? Huh?
Today's the day Carol and I...
I think I'm just gonna go home and think
about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Why's he getting all my money?
- Oh, yeah.
CHANDLER & JOEY: Hockey.
- Hockey. Hockey. Hockey.
Well, we were in the city shopping,
and your mom said you work here...
- That night, we, uh, had--
Hey, that woman's got an ass
- All right, let's talk reality for a second.
I mean, I'm...
Okay, how would you like
some Tiki Death Punch?
But I lost the tweezers,
so we can't operate.
- But I haven't used my card in weeks.
- That is the unusual activity.
[IN STRAINED VOICE]
Let's play Twister.
Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
See, he gave up something,
but then he got those magic beans.
Okay, I know I didn't love him, but--
You gotta figure, at some point,
it's gonna come together...
That's all you need, a bunch of toothless
guys hitting each other with sticks.
"' Got it! _HeY he
' y' We 90t itl
I wake up and I start to cry
We ordered a fat-free crust
with extra cheese.
What? Are you nuts?
We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza.
Oh, I wanna see. Let me see. Let me see.
Tell me it's his mother.
Oh, come on, Dora. Don't be mad.
Well, maybe they're napping.
And then when you do,
he's a preppy animal.
Could I get some painkillers over here,
That she left you for a woman
that likes Women?
[MONICA & RACHEL GIGGLE]
Oh, that's nice.
She was a big girl.
Aired 23 years ago - Oct 06, 1994
Chandler's reunited with his beloved cigarettes, which the rest of his friends can't stand. Monica dates a man all her buddies love but with whom she's bored. And poor, honest Phoebe can't deal with the fact that her bank gave her one thousand
dollars that isn't hers, plus a soda company gives her seven thousand more unwanted bucks after she finds a dismembered thumb in a can of soda.
No, it's fine. It's fine. Look, do you want
to get this part or not? Here.
All right. Now we smoke.
Yeah, but if you spent it,
it would be like shopping.
Okay, I'd never be able to enjoy it.
It'd be like this giant karmic debt.
And this is my reward.
We love Steve. Steve was sexy.
I bring a guy home and within five minutes
they're all over him.
I know, I know. I wish that once I'd
bring a guy home they actually liked.
- Yeah, we promise. We'll be good.
JOEY: We promise.
...as our free gift." Do you believe this?
Okay, please be good. Please?
Fantastic. I have one question:
How is that possible?
Yep. We sure showed
Yeah, it's his innate Alan-ness
that we adore.
No, no. I have to give you something.
...just floating in there,
like this tiny little hitchhiker.
Hey, this is so unfair.
I accept all those flaws.
Why can't you accept me for this?
You know, there's nothing wrong
with speaking correctly.
Okay. Well, I'm going outwith a guy
my friends all really like.
I mean, they feel the thing.
I don't feel the thing.
No, he'll be fine.
It's the other five I'm worried about.
Really? He does?
God, he's good.
- I think he's across the hall.
It's even nicer when everyone
gets to wear their underwear.
Aired 23 years ago - Sep 29, 1994
Carol, Ross's lesbian ex-wife, tells him at work that she is pregnant with his child, Monica nearly has a breakdown when her parents come for dinner, and Rachel finds out that Barry and her maid of honor Mindy, went on her honeymoon.
Monica, um, you're scaring me.
...that stomped on your heart
in front of your entire family"
Doy. Probably right before she lost it.
Well, now, how do you fit
into this whole thing?
I mean, presumably,
the biggest part of your job is done.
Mm. What's that curry taste?
Why is this girl going to call me?
Ross, could you come and help me
with the spaghetti.
You'd read alone in your room.
And your puzzles...
She's living with a woman named Susan.
They get the job done.
She's like this high-powered,
You know, as someone
who's recently been dumped.
- Remember when we were in high school?
Hello, Susan. Good shake, good shake.
Great. Okay, that's great. Heh.
BARRY: It's fine, it's fine.
Robbie's gonna be here for hours.
Be right there. I'll be back in a second.
- How about with the baby's name?
Yeah, well, we're kind of a thing now.
You know, you were right.
I mean, I thought we were happy.
I guess, uh-- I guess this belongs to you.
Aired 24 years ago - Sep 22, 1994
This is the one where it all began ... Rachel leaves Barry at the altar, meets the gang, and moves in with Monica. Monica, meanwhile, sleeps with Paul the Wine Guy, and Ross is reeling from his divorce from Carol, who has become a lesbian.
This is everybody.
Chandler and Phoebe..
And then I really freaked out,
when it hit me:
I didn't know where to go, and I know
you and I have drifted apart. . .
All my life, everyone's
always told me, ''You're a shoe! ''
You can see where he'd have trouble.
Doorbells and sleigh bells
And something with mittens
Ross are you okay?
Do you want me to stay?
-The wine guy.
-I didn't catch your name. Paul?
I was supposed to be headed
for Aruba on my honeymoon. . .
If you don't feel
like being alone tonight. . .
. . .and I cannot feel my legs.
Barry, I'm sorry.
I am so sorry.
You wanna spell it out with noodles?
Ever since she left me. . .
Do the words, ''Billy, don't be a
hero,'' mean anything to you?
If you feel like you gotta make
a Western omelet or something. . . .
Unless you happen to catch the
Wee One's production of Pinocchio...
Well, it's like that.
Paul, the wine guy?
I'm trained for nothing.
Then I found aromatherapy. Believe
me, I know exactly how you feel.
Cut, cut, cut.
-No, I gotta go home sometime.
-Are you gonna be okay?