Eastbound & Down

Kenny returns a favor; Stevie offers revisions to Kenny's life story; April considers making a big decision.

I want to prove to you guys that I am willing to turn over a new leaf.

before you apologize, perhaps you'd like to hear what we have to say.

I saw your Christmas Special and I thought it was

I think for your first show I've got the idea.

Do you want a break?

- It's pretty awesome. - OK. Good.

Uh, it's always very clear who was talking to each other.

- Yeah, sure. I'll take one. - Kenny Jr.,

Welcome back to another session of The Sesh.

Oh, goddamn it. What are you trying to do to me, Kenny, huh?

So I think you're doing worse than I was doing.

My son is main star of the play.

No, I can't.

Are you OK?

but he got what he needed.

I feel like Lil Wayne with this sizzurp.

- what your heart is telling you to say. - OK.

Jerome, you see that man in the blue shirt there?

Well? You see? They love me.

You see, once the audience see who you are,

I love you too.

OK? You can go one day without watching television.

Oh, oh. It's starting.

And then you can come up there and dig it out yourself.

Later on in the episode we have the results of some exciting paternity tests

Boom!

- And I say fuck what these people want. - What?

- Come on... - Even the fiercest of warriors

I've lost the only woman I ever loved.

Do... do I get to make my apology now?

You upset a little kid who's very, very sick with herpes.

I hope to get out to see you there sometime, you guys.

...from all the times I'll come out there and visit.

Yeah.

Well, I know you will succeed at anything you try.

I just wanted to be a success.

My life is ruined.

the best thing to do is to come up with new dreams.

Kenny's personal life takes a toll on his work; Stevie keeps up appearances in the face of adversity; Kenny learns a valuable Christmas lesson.

Wardrobes, I'd like you to create some reindeer suits

Y'all wanna fuck with two dudes wearing Wilsons Leather black fucking coats?

- - On behalf of Mr. Powers, we decline the arrangement.

Kenny, can I talk to you outside?

Wait till Christmas. Then we'll see who gets them the better presents.

- fucking wolf warp. - Kenny, please.

Merry Chri-ma.

Hope you saved them receipts, April. 'Cause you taking that shit back to the store.

since we won't be opening gifts Christmas morning,

What the hell are you two doing loitering in this fancy hotel?

I'd say shit's going pretty good.

- I'm here, ain't I? - Isn't it funny?

And you're not that pretty. You are not that pretty.

What the fuck? Can't I get anybody who can do simple fucking wire work?

I'm trying to talk to you like a man, fool.

Know your place, Rodney. You little bitch.

Must be because you're so loose and limber from that massage, huh?

You ain't in the DGA. Just zoom in and shut the fuck up.

Well... I don't know. I don't understand the ways of the wolf.

I'll smash your fucking teeth in. Merry Christmas, motherfucker.

- Did you guys have fun? - Yeah!

I mean, I just figured that the whole tradition of buying each other presents

Yeah, well, I mean,

Fuck.

- You didn't finish your complete workload. - Kenny, I need this.

You said that this would make us rich.

I quit. Fuck you!

Aw, yeah. Y'all know what it is.

to teach you all about the spirit of Christmas, huh.

and what will they do? They'll focus on

No, don't boo me.

Fuck you!

That motherfucker quit backslash was fired.

Let me get my boots.

I can't even fuck you unless I'm wearing fancy pants.

...I love you.

Stevie!

Save your energy, all right? You're losing a lot of blood.

♪ All is calm

- ♪ Silent night - Kenny.

Truth be told, I look up to you sometimes too.

Just that, when I thought you died it was...

Well, you better get some sleep. Tomorrow's Christmas.

Dakota!

Fame, fortune, power, titties...

Kenny is rattled when Guy introduces a wild card to the show; Stevie enlists Maria's help to promote Kenny's side business; April is frustrated with ``Famous Kenny.''

I don't really know what you have to be so unhappy about, April.

Let me tell you something. I don't give a shit about the money.

I think we're good with all the trash here right now.

She's kinda acting like, a little crazy.

We've gotta be number one in the house, you understand me?

That's something I'm saying now. It's my new catchphrase.

Holla!

- Kenny, Candi. - Of course. Kenny Powers, right?

Candi's on her period.

What the fuck is this?

Fucking that broad comedy. Fuck that bitch.

What the hell's so funny?

- Two big old potatoes. Perfect. - Stevie, what the fuck is this shit?

- Ow! - You don't think I need this?

I'm gonna skin him alive and make a lamp out of his skin.

♪ Next time I fall

But you're my last resort.

It's April.

and fucking try to ruin my shit?

I'm bout to nip this shit in the butt.

I got big problems going on.

You should give him a second shot.

Well, it's no doubt this gentlemen has acromegalia.

Don't fuck him up too bad.

this whole thing's a waste, OK?

If you're gonna negotiate like a dipshit,

- When does it end? - It ends Friday.

- You don't like it. - No.

Hello, Guy Young. I am the fan of your show.

He saw me! He saw me!

Surprise!

- Jamie. Even though he moved to Orlando - Oh. Jamie.

Because after we have the April flavored cherry cheesecake,

- There is no winning this one. - What are you talking about?

But... that just happened right now...

April Powers.

Kenny, it feels like she doesn't want to sing.

Oh, I'm acting crazy? Let's clear the air, shall we?

What can I do to make you happy now? Let's try and see.

they'll have to do it over my dead fucking body!

- Get the fuck out! - Goddamn, woman.

Dammit!

I know we're trapped in the midst of this epic rivalry and...

I just can't lose this job, Guy.

Clapping...

April gets Kenny to agree to undergo couples therapy; Kenny and Stevie plan a new business venture.

- Shake it. - Look at you being so obnoxious with money.

Na-na-na-na-na-na.

Come here, let me spit on you.

I got rid of the sofa. God rid of the hypodermics,

- I think so. - Go get his ass.

we lost another co-host. Unfortunately, Jed Forney,

All right. Well, it's playoff time. Let's get into it.

Behave yourself. Get over there.

- Oh... - Uh, I don't know, Kenny.

So hot!

Nah, baby. Just business right now.

Me and Maria been fucking like cave people since I've been getting paid, man.

Yeah, OK. I like this. Tell me more.

- have huge tits. Taters 'N' Tits. - Oh my God.

I'm thinking about fixing my other weak zones too.

Goddamn it.

Bow! Shoot a man right in his heart. Ha-ha.

Put your money away. Take the damn rifle.

It just doesn't feel right. I feel like things are all fucked up and gross

Just, my shit's blowing up real quick.

- that everyone can understand. - Formulate it.

- Woo! - Holy shit!

I don't wanna... I don't wanna hurt your feelings,

You don't have to come over for every bit. You know what I mean?

I mean, like this fucking jet pack.

Those one-on-ones, that's my shit.

OK.

See ya.

Check it out. This is how it's gonna work.

perhaps a little more room here for the fixins.

Kinda makes me wonder why the hell so many people

I finally got the respect of my wife and kids.

Well, that might be all right for you but I was born to fly, dog.

I bet you love sucking on them crab legs

Go on.

Oh. There's a hundred bucks.

I want to go to therapy.

looks like we're going to see a therapist.

Bellissimas.

You know, I'm kinda tired too. So I'm gonna go to bed.

That's right. So you're usually about an eleven,

This is called an anteater. A tamandua.

All right. Well, OK. That was kind of obvious.

and some of them even like... Froot Loops.

Kenny follows through on a threat; Stevie finds Kenny a charity to promote during Guy's goodwill dragon boat race; Toby tries to find the courage to feed his new pet.

Now atop the balance beam,

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I'm sure he's a great judge of character.

Well, I like it too.

Pff. Fucking very best friends are fucking dope to be.

All you gotta do is pick the charity of your choice

This isn't play time.

"Save the Limp Dick." Speaking of,

That makes sense, Kenny

Aw, yeah. Dutch angles.

I found out that they had spaghetti night

Saying how Tel's, like, been going online

- Shit. - Isolate us out

Drugs, sex, incest.

I never... have been so disgusted by two men's behavior.

I better like it. The Dragon Boat race is almost here.

Well, I wanted the next Rock Hudson or Liberace.

I'm highly disappointed in your efforts here but I will make it work.

Talk about finances. Talk about ancient affairs. Industrialism.

Hey.

- April. What a pleasure. - So flattering.

- Hell yeah. - Holla.

- I'll be there in a second. - Wonderful to see you, baby.

No, he's not, man. The motherfucking guy's lame and he's dull.

Disgusting, man. I don't even wanna think about them having sex.

Extra Innings After School Baseball Class.

I know what you guys are thinking.

Things like Lyme's disease and cleft palates

That's street talk, y'all.

And I have a feeling that right now,

Yeah. They've ruffled your feathers, I know.

I've just... I've seen everybody come over here.

Your husband punched my husband right in the face.

All right. Some stuff happened at the Congo Canyon Water Park

There were girls there.

You jerked off. He sat there and let it happen and got off on it.

Dix. I didn't do any drugs, Dix. Come on!

- I love you so much. - I love you too.

Guy Young and Kenny Flowers.

Having to work for this insecure backstabbing asshole.

So we just gonna put a pin in that for now.

Get set.

Goddamn it, Forney. Stay in rhythm.

Kenny takes his family and friends on a trip to the local water park.

their goddamn oral traditions.

Who knows, next stop could be space camp.

wanted to know what I'm gonna wear.

Put my motion picture personal autobiographical screenplays

- I'll talk to her. - Please, talk to her.

Whoa. Kenny Powers is a writer too, huh?

I think this is gonna be a wonderful union.

There's my smart boy. Oh God, look at you.

Relax, guys. I'm not here to terrorize.

The bottom line, I wanna buy back your family's love

And I wanna share it with my kinfolk.

The only people that get to get wet

It was not that bad.

Talking about burning this whole thing to the ground.

Prove it.

Or a race car driver.

They love me so much.

I mean, I just figured they'd give you season tickets

I would like to propose a toast

Let's remember to pace ourselves today, boys and girls, OK?

You see where we're going here.

- Ahh! - Hey, hey!

- I need you to grab a beer - No, no thank you.

All right, you. Get in here.

- Daddy, is Mom OK? - Yeah, she's cool, man.

I was trying to get

- Just like you. - Oh, snap.

Yeah. I saw you on TV fighting that black dude

Hey, is there a different Wi-Fi password

I'll show you exactly how to do some motherfucking drugs.

This was supposed to be about the kids, all right?

- You guys. - Jesus.

How dare you, Gene.

- That's dope news. - And also, your balls.

Sh-sh-sh-sh.

No lines at the water park.

- you said as much. - I know.

In my room. Room 289.

that you're drawn to me and what, I do.

No. Just...

And I don't even think that cocaine did that much to me.

Come on, goddamn it. Shit.

Dear God, should I go get my dick sucked?

Jessie.

Kenny visits Guy Young to discuss a career change, and tries to convince Stevie to rejoin the Powers team.

all that dancing, all that fucking talking?

I mean, I put my whole entire family's financial well being on the line.

Well, it's just going to be one show, so...

- I didn't want you to worry. - You are supposed to be a man.

Oh my gosh, I miss that smell.

Oh, Kenny, that's appealing, but

These shitty ass fucking cabinets. This fucking bullshit bar.

From this moment forward, I fucking hate you, dog.

I... don't drop my chandelier!

Well, you know I had to put down 2,400 bucks to join SAG.

'Cause I kicked ass on the show and I eat a whole goddamn pizza by myself.

And this fuck you didn't meet 'cause he didn't come to my charity event.

- four, three. - Showtime.

- For three. - Oh!

And if you remember, we did a story on this

Uh, there was no phone call.

- were true. - That's not what I said.

- OK, Dontel. But, Kenny? - Not the man is also...

I'm saying, like, these guys...

them Run DMC black Levi jeans.

Kenny Powers was my best friend.

Because you were staring up at the fucking lights.

I want you to fucking take Dontel down, man!

- I bet on the wrong horse. - No, you didn't, all right?

Next time wear a suit.

It was fine. Your breath smells like sour cream and onion.

What's happening over here, butt buddies?

Oh, gosh, April. You seem so tense.

- Hey, Kenny. - We're joking around.

Once you punch your boss in his face

Good night, Kenny.

You motherfucker.

OK, my own kids don't respect me.

If we do this,

a unique set of demands.

Na-na-na-na-na-na... Look.

I came here to wish you good luck.

I'm just following my dream.

I'm Guy Young and these guys are just guys.

Oh!

- Yeah-yeah-yeah, Dontel. - Back the up.

In the Season 4 premiere, Kenny Powers is now a family man—with his wife, April, two little kids and a home in the suburbs—but a night out with a former teammate and current TV star has him yearning to get back in the limelight.

is go ahead and wash down a few of the fleet just come in.

I had proven that I was a man

And, ultimately, I was rewarded

- Human Centipede. - Human Centipede. Yes, Shayna.

OK, OK. Kenny, what is this from the bank?

for us to like, chill to tonight when we have this dinner party.

I love you.

So I had my testosterone levels checked the other day,

- and, yeah, wonderful. - A little too healthy.

Big region. It's a buyers market, though.

Yeah, I'll do the work, you, you know, clean up.

You're spending too much money on that house.

- Yes, Mark. - Ken.

I wasn't trying to eat the whole thing.

All right.

Mos def, mos def.

I don't really keep up with the sporting world anymore.

- You also are gonna sign there. - Right here?

and it'll be 1998 all over again.

Thrilled. Never been happier.

our MVP, the one and only...

who has always been so supportive of me no matter what.

Aww.

Must think of me like some kind of dipshit.

- Our lame ass friends? - Your kids.

I mean, there are already gay athletes in the league.

Baseball cap on and a uniform. All skinny with lesions.

Let's take out our checkbooks. Let's take out our wallets.

they come and go but the AID train keeps on rollin'.

Hey, this bastard making all that bank

I got I don't know how many Subways.

Hey, I swim in my pool every motherfucking day.

in the house, please.

Oh, my God.

And it reminded me of something I've known for a very long time.