Aired 8 years ago - May 24, 2011
New Directions heads to Nationals to compete in the ultimate singing showdown.
Aired 8 years ago - May 17, 2011
New Directions continues to strategize their set list for Nationals with a little help from Jessie St. James. Meanwhile, an unexpected loss rocks the world of one of McKinley’s own.
Compose an e-mail requesting
a flight that's routed through Tripoli.
- We understand.
I was marching down this hall to sign up for
Glee Club auditions, and now look at me.
Not New York City good.
Do the kids know?
Yeah. His dad's dead,
and my mom's dead.
Actually, yes, I am.
And I- I just wanted to say
that we're honored.
I took a class at UCLA
in judging for reality TV shows...
# I go back to #
Oh. Is that so?
# That's perfect for some people #
# I had a dream #
So I'm gonna hit the little boys' room.
You're doing a great job.
- I'm so gonna win this thing.
- No bother warming up, Rachel.
# Tenderness #
# Hold her where you want her,
squeeze her #
# Try a little tenderness ##
You're lazy, Mercedes.
# On my knees someday? #
# What's the difference if I say #
I have to be honest.
- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
- Oh, I love that movie.
for whatever treacly ballad you're planning
on using to ruin my sister's funeral.
so we wanted her funeral
to be special also.
to get up out of bed and go on.
# And you'll see #
# Anything you want to, do it #
# Wish to be ##
Don't you feel anything anymore?
Mercedes- I said it twice,
and I'll say it again. Lazy B-O-N-E-S.
You really think picking Rachel
means we'd beat Vocal Adrenaline?
I'm not finished.
I want you to give me a hug.
I do this thing where I sort of alternate
which one of those kids I hate the most.
thinks that's a load of phooey.
so when I told him
your Glee Club's sob story...
But, um, don't be a stranger, okay?
Aired 8 years ago - May 10, 2011
When the entertainment for prom falls through, Principal Figgins asks New Directions to perform at the dance much to prom coordinator Sue’s dismay. Things get heated as the competition for prom king and queen draws closer, and Jessie St. James returns.
I know this isn't ideal, with nationals
coming up, but we don't have a choice.
I just really wanted
to take a date to the prom.
these three guys, um...
- It's chic and slimming.
- Duly noted.
when the Rolling Stones
performed at Altamont Speedway.
- What does this have to do with me?
- I'm prime suspect number one.
and when I'm done rehearsing,
I'd like your feedback.
# Count your blessings
to find what you look for #
# And you played it to the beat ##
and then you were inexplicably
throwing eggs at my head the next.
You can't tell me
what to do anymore, okay?
so ask for a gardenia...
here to protect every
student at this school from harassment.
# Isn't she lovely? #
# Through us, he's given life to one #
But I'm not gonna go to prom with you.
So you think it's cool
if I jam with you guys at prom?
Well, of course you don't like it.
It's not finished yet.
- 'Cause the Bully Whips are protecting you.
Okay, you two. Picture time.
I couldn't even get a job as one of those
singing waiters at Johnny Rockets.
What'd you order? Scrambled eggs?
# Gotta be fresh
Gotta go downstairs #
# Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend #
# We gonna have fun
Come on, come on, y'all #
# From the ice inside your soul #
# And who do you think you are? #
# Who do you think you are? ##
which, as anyone who's been
to the dentist will tell you...
- # I'm not gonna teach him how to- Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh #
- Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance!
You're code blue in the gym, Coach.
where we announce our junior prom king
and also prom queen.
We thought that because
no one was teasing us or beating us up...
I mean, just because I hate everybody
doesn't mean they have to hate me too.
so I poured a flask of lemonade
into the punch.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Aired 8 years ago - May 03, 2011
Sue Sylvester revives the school newspaper and decides to print a few inflammatory blind items. The glee club gains a whole new respect for Sam when they discover some interesting new information about his family life. Meanwhile, April Rhodes (guest star Chenoweth) returns to Lima and tries to convince Mr. Schuester to hit the road with her.
no longer concerned with facts,
fact-checking, integrity or facts.
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Well, why shouldn't I? Why wouldn't
he do the same thing I did to him?
There was affairs and divorces
and whispers and gossip.
# Now here you go again #
- # And what you lost #
- # Ooh-ooh #
# You will know #
- What's going on with you and Santana?
that there's one other person in your life
that can provide for you...
# Mmm-mm-mmm #
I don't know.
# For you #
# And I love you,
I love you, I love you #
# And I love you,
I love you, I love you #
Come on Fondue for Two.
besides the mood swings...
The comments say that
my questions are too gossipy.
Is that the truth, or are you lying?
Now, my point,
ladies and gentlemen...
Glee Club, okay? She wants to
do a duet with me. That's all.
# Finally, baby #
# Ohh #
Wait. I thought you said
this relationship was about trust.
# As he said,
"Right this way, you two" #
- It's you.
- Oh, do this with me, Will.
but she texted about an hour ago
and it just said, "I can't."
Yeah, I put the whole bunch in a colander, and
I just let the cold water run right over them.
But it's a chance
on a real Broadway stage.
Got me out of a terrible marriage.
# You can call it another lonely day #
# Go your own way #
that you chose to
sing a love song to my guy?
So now we live
in that motel in one room.
But I don't think Will
will be joining me on the tour.
- I'm living in an efficiency with a raccoon in the wall.
- More placenta, anyone?
- All right.
- You too. Get over there.
got a job delivering pizzas at night
and happened to bring one to Dalton.
I-I know that it's a rough time right now,
but you can't quit.
My computer was stolen.
I have a lot of dreams, my top one
being taking you guys to nationals.
Aired 8 years ago - Apr 26, 2011
The glee club learns about self-acceptance through the music of Lady Gaga; Lauren and Quinn compete for prom queen; Ms. Pillsbury faces with her issues; Rachel makes a life-changing decision; Santana schemes.
but the doctor said that it could
possibly improve my talent...
You could dust them with powdered sugar...
I wanna help them love themselves
for who they are- warts and all.
the Warblers are preparing
to perform at a nursing home...
This week's assignment has two parts.
- was to write-
- Being a ginger has plagued me my entire life.
I pretty much have
a warped sense of the world.
# Same old me again today #
# And bright #
- She's got my vote.
- She's such an inspiration.
Because I need you, and you need me.
- That's not cool.
- Well, maybe I'm not down with this week's lesson.
# I've gotta be free #
# I gotta #
The drams of this week
have made me realize...
Plus, they said that it
could improve my voice, so...
We're trying to teach these kids
to accept themselves, and you refuse to.
You know what I think, Emma?
And I'm really ashamed of who I am-
You talk a great game,
but all I'm hearing is talk.
Burt, were you always
so accepting of homosexuals?
I'm just trying to make things right.
which I fully believe in...
And I'll still have you after school
and on the weekends.
# Talk about it
somewhere only we know? #
# Just trying to resist you #
# I don't want to be alone #
# In overcrowded hallways #
- You moved to Lima after eighth grade, right?
And now I'm gonna be prom queen.
Look, Rachel, here's the deal.
Do you want to disappoint her?
There's a stigma in this country
about mental illness.
And I'd like to see you in about a week.
- but she's really one of the people.
- Yeah, totally.
Do you like my shirt for Glee Club?
- Is everyone here?
- Not everyone.
Aired 8 years ago - Apr 19, 2011
The glee club agrees to help raise funds for another under-the-radar group; big decisions are made and relationships are tested.
will win the title and go on to our finals
next week in Detroit.
Sandy Ryerson, defrocked educator
and legendary friend of Dorothy.
- First of all, that is a ridiculous name.
- I really do like doing that.
- Legion of Evil?
where the girl hasn't been all over me
to spend more time with her.
You know how they do on TV
when there's an earthquake...
McKinley High's First Annual Night of Neglect
fund-raiser benefit is officially a go.
Heckling- the world's second oldest profession.
Neglected? She's, like, the Queen of Soul.
But you're in Vocal Adrenaline.
How do we know we can trust you?
And you were right.
You're the most talented
singer in Glee Club...
Wait a minute.
Since when are you my manager?
which I guess he's legally entitled to...
Well, first, I'm honored
that you came to me.
They can't help it. What a star wants
is to just feel appreciated and respected.
I'm good-looking and I'm easy on the eyes.
How is that my fault?
Well, as you can see,
we have followed your exact specifications.
- Carried in.
- Cher's comeback tour.
I was pumping iron in the gym, and one
of the guys told me you two were here...
Mm-hmm. Tons. Just all up in there.
Boo! Kiss my ass!
I think I may know a way to shut
those hecklers up for a number or two.
# Never seen nobody
move the way she did #
# It's as simple as something
that nobody knows #
And I know just the person for the job.
Because I post as
"NCISucks" or "NCIStupid."
Why don't you get back in there and turn
some of that jeering into cheering?
And the master of ceremonies
hands her a tiara...
And I'm not saying that it's healthy...
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Holly Holliday.
# I can't keep up with
your turning tables #
# Next time I'll be braver #
# It's time to say good-bye #
Sandy, I just saw Jacob Ben Israel,
Azimio and Becky Jackson...
Lauren, you're her manager.
Why don't you do something?
# Ain't no way #
# It ain't no way #
# Someone you're not #
# Ain't no way #
That was the closing number.
I told you while I live the glamorous life
of a substitute teacher...
Aired 8 years ago - Mar 15, 2011
With Sue Sylvester coaching Aural Intensity, Blaine and the Warblers’ dynamic set list and tough judges Tammy Jean Albertson (guest star Griffin) and Sister Mary Constance (guest star Devine), the kids of New Directions decide the only way to win
Regionals is to write and perform their own original songs. Meanwhile, Quinn is hell-bent on getting Finn back and ruling McKinley once again.
# You've got just one egg #
- It's called "Only Child."
- Yeah, I got that.
He's my first love,
and first loves are forever.
If I'm gonna guarantee
that he doesn't stray with her...
# Blackbird singing in the dead of night #
- # Blackbird, fly #
- # Blackbird, fly, fly #
# You were only waiting
for this moment to arise ##
Consider this the opening salvo
of World War Sue.
No way. I think that everyone should get
a chance to write a song.
But can you stop staring at me?
I can't remember my locker combo.
- We are going to lose at regionals.
Oh, can I put my name
on that audition list?
# Froggy lips #
it might have hurt her feelings a little
bit, but I think this makes up for it.
# I'm telling you, my friend,
my girl's got a big-ass heart #
So everyone look
at your rhyming dictionaries...
- Do you wanna be in this relationship or not?
- Whoa. Scary Quinn.
# Said, "Wash your grandma's nasty head" #
# You know what? Hell to the no #
# Aw, hell to the no ##
Well, she literally throws sticks at me.
Like, everything happened last year.
So we're done with that, and why don't
we just return to our work, okay?
I lied to you last week, William.
- # He's one who will never leave you flat #
- # Hallelujah #
Okay, you can judge me.
# The promises you made #
# With nothing but your sorrys #
# We will never be,
never be anything but loud #
# We will never be,
never be anything but loud #
I really like your song.
# Away from this ship going under #
# But how many times will it take? #
# I'll get through this #
# And I'll send up a prayer #
# To get it right? #
- # And you may say that I'm a freak show #
- # I don't care #
# A loser like me #
# Keep it up and soon enough
you'll figure out #
But, um, I think it's fair to ask:
Well, boys shouldn't do a duet.
The last thing we need to do...
Aired 8 years ago - Mar 08, 2011
Holly Holiday (Gwyneth Paltrow) returns as the sex education substitute teacher and helps the glee club out with some new numbers. On the other hand, Emma becomes the head of the celibacy club.
I mean, think about what
they have access to.
Um, babies don't get dropped off.
so that you can trick kids
into eating what's good for them.
And speaking of S.T.D. s,
how is your dating life?
Look, whenever we had, uh, issues in the past
that are on our minds or giving us problems...
and get the ditty on the dirty.
# My temperature is runnin' high #
# Oh, yeah #
# Do you wanna touch me there? #
and everybody's got a random.
The New Directions are getting sexy...
Remember I told you I had a master plan?
Here it is.
So, what we're going for here today,
ladies, is something a little...
# It's getting heavy and
I wanna run and hide #
- # Oh, oh-oh, oh, oh #
- # Hush, hush, we both can't fight it #
# Take a bite of my heart tonight ##
- The plumbing's different.
- Why do they keep editing all those vacation and plane stuff?
- It classes it up.
- Thanks, Miss H.
where the only industry in the town...
I thought you'd never ask.
I like romance.
# You don't have to be rich to be my girl #
# You don't have to watch Dynasty #
I'm damaged goods.
Yes, it makes me terrific in bed...
- You here looking for parts?
- No actually.
Yeah, he gets that from his mother.
I think it would be really cool
if you took advantage of that.
# Oh, mirror in the sky #
# 'Cause I've built my life around you #
# Well, the landslide brought me down #
I found out that making that tape
would have resulted in my arrest.
# When everything's a little clearer
in the light of day #
Isn't this a strange song
for the-the Celibacy Club to sing?
All right. Now- Hey, sit down.
with a girl who said she was cool
with just hooking up.
I don't even like doctor TV shows...
Could you please, please
not tell Will about this?
because I have all of these feelings...
you would either kick their ass or slash
them with your vicious, vicious words.
He's just a stupid boy.
Aired 8 years ago - Feb 22, 2011
Principal Figgins teaches the student body about the danger of underage drinking, and the glee club is personally touched by the message. Meanwhile, Mr. Schuester and Coach Beiste indulge in a little fun of their own.
had a terrible fall down the stairs.
Whassup, my hot little
I wanted you to hear it.
But, uh, I think it's really special.
# And I need to control my do #
You're so right.
- Let's ask Puckerman.
- You're go for Puck.
Hey, girlfriend. Having fun?
Chug! Chug! Chug!
This is the best party ever!
- Who told you that hairstyle was cool- Geronimo?
- Chill out.
# Feelin' so fly like a G6 ##
Blaine Warbler, I'm gonna rock your world.
- # When I met you #
- # You #
# Don't you want me?
Oh, oh #
- # Don't you want me, baby? #
- # Oh, oh #
# Blame it on the 'Tron
Got you in the zone #
# I was unaware how fine you was #
- # And hold your drinks up high #
- # Up high #
I mean, we're supposed to sing about
the dangers of alcohol for this assembly.
come with your thinking caps on...
you're tagging along with me
for my stress relief.
You're such a cutie-pie
with your blazer and your pants.
- You're gay, Blaine.
- I thought I was.
I was really lucky to be chased out of high
school by a bully who threatened to kill me.
# A hundred bottles of beer on the wall #
You know- You know, I- I am not
singing anything without my gal here.
# One bourbon, one scotch, one beer #
# Gonna get drunk
Won't you listen right here? #
We even dressed up as the characters.
Look, I don't doubt that you and Blaine...
- Taxi's waiting.
- All right.
Except we're not teenagers anymore, Will.
That was a valiant effort.
but I have a really good feeling
about this one.
I-I-I- Just must have been a really
elaborate, uh, booze dream, yeah.
- I hope so.
- All right, let's check it out.
Finn and I didn't have any,
if that's what you're worried about.
Fine. I'm sorry.
is here to show you a grisly
slide show of auto accidents.
by rapper Ke-dollar-sign-ha...
# I'm-a fight till we see the sunlight #
# You break me down #
Everybody, drink responsibly.
Two days ago, I received a drunk-dial
in the middle of the night...
Hey, and I rode a bull,
and I was thinking of you.
Those special effects
at the assembly really paid off!
But if it weren't for drinking,
the assembly would have been a disaster.
Aired 8 years ago - Feb 15, 2011
Rachel tries to launch a comeback into the McKinley High social stratosphere with a little help from Brittany. Meanwhile, Sam starts a tribute band.
I saved his life.
there are two ways
to get a woman to love you:
Heads up, Quinn Fabray,
you're about to be
who gave you the inspiration
for your new accessory,
So sorry for not being
sorry for interrupting.
And I have to say,
it felt really good.
I'd do anything.
a reason to live.
Is that too much to ask?
with my new one-man band,
The Justin Bieber Experience.
♪Just shout whenever,
and I'll be there ♪
♪And I just can't believe
we ain't together ♪
♪Now I'm all gone ♪
post-Valentine's Day lull.
Justin Bieber sucks, right?
What are you doing?
fell for my pity party
hook, line and sinker,
It's all about sassy fingers
and shaking that weave
#Gotta, gotta, gotta,
gotta keep it close #
♪I don't need nothing else ♪
♪I don't need too much, just ♪
He just got up there
and owned it.
Okay, I want to do
a number for Glee Club.
Our next diva-off.
♪So be kind and don't
lose your mind ♪
♪Now, baby ♪
♪Take me for what I am ♪
Hey, where's the hate?
so I demand to know
where we're going.
no jazz hands.
Yeah! All right!
♪No! I'm gonna let it shine ♪
just look to Brittany.
I have an interview
with Teen Vogue.
♪I know what guys want ♪
♪How would you like it? ♪
This morning I woke up,
Look, I know you're as dumb
as a bag of wet hair,
♪What tomorrow brings ♪
♪Sing it for the deaf ♪
♪Sing it for the boys ♪
for the world. ♪
Crap. Santana told me
to stop speaking Na'vi.
Aired 8 years ago - Feb 08, 2011
Love is in the air at McKinley High when the glee club sets up a kissing booth for Valentine's Day. Things don't go as planned, however, and hearts end up getting broken.
where you're encouraged to just lay it all
on the line and say to somebody...
That'll be 8.40.
I think the fact that I led the football
team to a conference championship...
And Finn is right.
All you ever do is insult us.
I suppose you want me to thank you
for sticking up for me today...
Well, come on.
You're gonna want to see this.
When I was on New Directions,
we performed in front of hostile crowds...
Look at our idols:
Whitney, Barbra, Patti LuPone.
# Oh, down beside that red firelight #
- # Yeah #
- # Fat-bottomed girls, you make the-#
you're a little on the heavier side...
you're too uptight to spend a buck
for a good cause like Glee Club.
Okay, so answer me this then.
Why haven't you kissed Finn at his booth yet?
Not without you specifically...
I don't care about Puck.
I don't care about anybody but you.
# And, ooh
won't you take me there? #
- That's my man, and his legs don't work.
I'm from a part of town
called Lima Heights Adjacent.
Okay, come on, come on. Man up. You're amazing.
# And I want it bad #
# That makes you my equivalent #
- # When I get you alone #
- # Alone #
Neither did I.
No one here knows I'm gay.
But you shouldn't go in there.
He's highly contagious.
What is this place?
Tomorrow's not Valentine's Day.
You know why it hurt so bad
when you guys cheated on me?
- Well, you've certainly changed your tune.
Rochelle, I've been covering
your section for 15 minutes.
# My funny valentine #
# Is your figure less than Greek? #
Santana is such a bitch.
- Hello, Lauren.
- What's with the Chilly Willy, Puckerman?
Here's the thing, Puckerman. I'm not just
lookin' for somebody to fool around with...
I know she is.
That's not the truth.
# Do you ever feel already buried deep? #
# Come on
Let your colors burst #
Aired 8 years ago - Feb 06, 2011
A local football championship game takes place and the "Thriller" mash-up is performed during the halftime show. The Cheerios, McKinley High's cheerleading team, compete at Regionals.
It's embarrassing! We're dudes!
just to feel something. Wait.
Which is a 30% chance
of catastrophic success.
that being in Glee
Club is kind of cool-
♪ And I don't know
how I can do without ♪
♪ I'm all alone and I need you now ♪
Let me at that guy!
Ladies, my "Sue-clear" Weapon.
Don't worry, I'll talk to Mr.
Shue and take care of this.
Sue Sylvester's done playing nice.
to play the first half,
change into some "sequeen"
created a unity within that prison.
I am brilliant.
to choose once and for all
where your true loyalties lie.
Well, maybe it's time
for a chge at the top.
♪ How many people cried ♪
♪ Well, it's too late
to say you're sorry ♪
Dude, relax... this is gonna be fine.
♪ Ding, dig-a-ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding ♪
♪ Instead of a scrub like you ♪
type of brother ♪
That's all. Yeah.
We thought about that. But the truth is,
And as you ponder your decision,
To commit social suicide?
♪ As horror looks you
right between the eyes ♪
To terrorize y'all's neighborhood.
♪ D-dance, danc
dance till you're dead ♪
Welcome back, boy.
Ready? Break! TEAM: Break!
Tiger Woods, the Dallas Cowboys,
Aired 8 years ago - Dec 07, 2010
It's Christmas time at McKinley High and Finn tries to get everyone in the holiday spirit; Brittany needs no help because she still believes in Santa Claus. In other news, Sue scams the teacher's Secret Santa
♪ The most wonderful day
of the year. ♪
this awesome tree! I found it on
the side of the road.
gonna let you guys throw
yourselves a pity party.
This year, Glee Club's going
We can't let what just happened
ruin our Christmas spirit.
Remember when you were a kid,
how excited you would get
At least it's not a kitten.
♪ The Christmas rush
is through. ♪
♪ There's always something new. ♪
♪ Happy New Year, too. ♪
Mmm. So you going to
help me out here?
♪ So really, I'd better scurry. ♪
I don't know if you know this,
How? It was my idea.
I will pick up that phone and
have you arrested for theft.
Face it, Sue. We won.
Kept asking my dad,
"How did Santy get
I talked to her parents. They
really want her to believe, too.
♪ Your brain is full of spiders. ♪
I'm bringing a gift to put under
the tree for the homeless kids.
Santa's probably fixing any
dents or chips as we speak.
I know how much you love
the smell of Christmas pine.
and I'll meet you at the end.
♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Well, it's been a year... ♪
♪ Oh, oh... ♪
Enough yapping, let's do this.
Yeah, I know what it's about:
Life freakin' sucks.
I was in the neighborhood,
doing a dry run.
Was her name Ricki Lake?
I think I've lost
the Christmas spirit.
gifted enough rotisserie ovens
to roast an entire hobo...
♪ Welcome, welcome, fahoo ramus. ♪
will always be ♪
Some guy in Israel
So if no one we know
bought it for you, then...
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 30, 2010
New Directions heads to the big Sectionals competition to go head-to-head against the Warblers and the Hipsters. While trouble brews between some of the young couples, Emma and Carl grow closer.
Mike, Brittany, come on up.
Let's start choreographing.
It's your job to take care of him so he can live
to carry on the Warbler legacy.
The council is responsible for song selection.
We need your help.
That's why I set up this counseling session.
Is there anything else you wanna talk about?
- You've never heard of a magic comb?
is two less than we need
to compete at sectionals.
Not better or worse,
just something I'll have to get used to.
and the next thing he knows, he's on the cover
of Time and Newsweek in the same week.
We'll cheer on The Hipsters.
We'll cheer on Kurt and The Warblers.
Good luck finding them. They're not in season.
You of all people should know.
I've been sitting in my car for an hour
waiting for Karofsky to make a Mickey D's run.
Is it so wrong for me to fantasize about them...
# Although she's dressed up to the nines #
# Don't cry for me, Argentina #
# That every word is true ##
I don't know how it worked
at your old school...
So I told him the truth last night,
and we had a big fight.
Then go down to 7-Eleven
and get some. I need Raisinets.
I don't think they appreciate
my individuality as much as you guys did...
# Say it clear #
- # Who's one of my kind #
- # One of my kind #
# Hey, soul sister #
About Finn and Santana? No. I think I told him.
Think back to where you were
this time last year-
- When I was accusing you of adultery.
You're magic, Brittany. The way you move.
- [Audience Applauding]
# And I owe it all to you #
- # I can't get enough of #
- [Glee Club] # I can't get enough of #
- # Never felt this way #
- # Yes, I swear it's the truth #
# Well, sometimes
I go out by myself #
- # Valerie #
- [Audience Cheering]
We all had a serious good time.
You're all going to the regionals!
- Carl took me to Vegas.
- Why are you telling me?
Are we a part of something special,
you and me?
Warbler practice tonight at 5:00.
I know we've had our, um-
our dramas this week...
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 23, 2010
It's all about wedding and parents with Kurt getting ready for his father Burt's upcoming marriage to Finn's mom Carole, Sue decides to compete by getting married as well which will lead to the introduction of an awesome guest star: Carol Burnett. Carol will play Sue's Nazi-hunting mother Doris, who comes to visit Sue in Ohio.
"Sue Sylvester is
If you accept,
After you walk your
mom down the aisle,
High school is a dry run
for the rest of your life.
Lady, this kid lays a finger on you,
you come straight to me,
Ladies, the Kurt-Karofsky
This is a meeting for Glee
girls with boyfriends.
Marsha Dean, you are fired.
You are out of your depth.
I know it's been a
long time, but...
Since your father's no
longer with us, I want to
Look, we both know I can help
him more if I stay on top.
What's going on?
♪ Why did I ever leave Ohio? ♪
♪ O-H-I-O ♪
♪ Oh... ♪
fortieth birthday party
was any indication,
Can we... Can we shut the door?
I'm not really comfortable
- What the hell?
- You like picking on people?
Just... that he was picking on me.
Well, maybe I'll tell her.
♪ lt's a beautiful night. ♪
♪ Shots of Patrón. ♪
♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba... ♪
He lost his mom.
Words can't describe you.
that you've become
a brother to Kurt.
♪ Like a lazy ocean
hugs the shore, ♪
We're brothers from
You're going to dance
it with me, dude.
♪ The way you are... ♪
♪ 'Cause, girl, you're amazing... ♪
♪ You're amazing... ♪
When I stopped
trying to please you.
to Israel for your honeymoon.
I've always been really
handy with a nail file.
Kids who bully, for the most part,
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 16, 2010
After Mr. Schuester gets sick, a substitute teacher takes over the Glee Club and becomes a new love interest and competition for Will.
Is that why Mrs. Weiss
called me from next door?
Now, get out of here.
♪ Hooking up words and
phrases and clauses. ♪
Those songs are classics.
Ms. Holliday is right.
♪ I'm like, "Forget you!" ♪
♪ I'm like, "Forget you
and forget him, too!" ♪
♪ I still love you, hey! ♪
This is not up for discussion, fellas.
Bested by the Beiste,
and after a bit,
I want you to join in, got it?
♪ "They'll be standing in lines
for those old honky-tonk monkeyshines." ♪
♪ Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh,
make 'em laugh. ♪
I'm not worried about someone
coming in and usurping me.
Oh, I totally forgot.
Regarded in his time as petty,
corrupt and venal,
I'll be going on record with
the school nurse later today.
Sounds reasonable to me.
Have you asked?
Uh, no, he is a wide
receiver on the football team,
♪ You can live the life you like. ♪
♪ But, oh, it's heaven nowadays. ♪
and I've been formally
offered the position.
Let's play a game.
Has anyone read Patti Lupone's new book?
16% of all high school
students dropped out last year.
and for those thirty seconds, I know
that that kid has a connection with me.
You did $17,000 worth of damage.
Mercedes got in trouble
- Okay, Miss...
And I have no idea what she's doing here.
If I leave now,
I'm never gonna come back.
You are substituting
food for love, Mercedes.
You kissed me, Karofsky,
and I understand
You make the under-flaps
of my breasts burn,
You throw 'em a comb,
and hope they stop
Which is why next time I'm sick,
♪ and we'll never be
worlds apart. ♪
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 09, 2010
The Girls vs. Boys Tournament returns, Kurt meets an ally from a rival glee club, Puck and Artie join forces and coach Beast is on the verge of quitting her job.
I say we do a whole AC/DC medley.
Now shut up right quick. We're gonna steal
some food from the cafeteria.
But lately you've been belligerent,
angry, pushing people away.
And, girls, try some classic rock.
The Who, The Stones.
and your Macaulay Culkin
stunt double back in your arms.
# Let them all pass all their dirty remarks #
# Let's get together and feel all right ##
The thing about chicks is you only have to be
a fraction as nice to them...
The Warblers are like rock stars.
# But things were kind of heavy
You brought me to life #
# Let's go all the way tonight #
# Let you put your hands on me
in my skintight jeans #
We should probably cool off.
Look. Can we talk about this in private?
- It's the girls too.
- This is really bad, guys.
- [Blaine] Latte?
- Thank you.
Can I talk to you for a second?
So there I was, at juvie,
in the breakfast line in the mess hall...
I can take that when you're ready.
She gave us free refills, and I figure
she's got kids. I'm not gonna do that to her.
# Oh, we gotta hold on
ready or not #
# Livin' on a prayer #
- [Will] Whoo!
You can't punch the gay out of me any more
than I can punch the ignoramus out of you.
Then you'd better put your heads together
and find a way to get her back, fast...
But I've totally been helping Artie.
I got him a date.
[School Bell Rings]
You know, maybe I'll get a job as a cooler
at a honky-tonk bar. I don't know.
I'm just a girl.
My probation officer says hanging out with you
isn't real community service...
So, you'll be my community service.
I swear I'll buy you all the waffles you can eat.
I don't get it.
It's boys against the girls...
# Here we go #
Aired 8 years ago - Oct 26, 2010
After learning of Emma's love of the film, Will has the glee club perform "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" for the school's annual musical.
Yes. Yeah. I mean-
Why the hell didn't I think
of taking her to that damn show?
But, um, that's really exciting.
Caused an outrage
and they had to cancel the show.
It's like the male lead.
takes us to Frank-N-Furter's lab.
You know, you have a different body type.
You know, Halloween is fast approaching-
Wouldn't it be awful
to see an entire town...
When I was younger,
I took my sister to the show.
Oh, I cannot wait
till Finn takes his top off...
I've got something to say.
# I've one thing to say
and that's dammit, Janet #
- [Door Shuts]
- ## [Rachel Continues, Indistinct]
See you on the boards, buddy.
I need to find all these costumes...
Take your sick,
perverted sex games out of this school!
I'm not sure if you know this about me,
but I am a huge proponent...
"Hot Patootie." B-flat.
Eddie was eliminated in my rewrites.
And I can reinterpret the number a little
bit- Make it more modern.
Um, also, Miss Pillsbury...
# With blond hair and a tan #
- # Pation #
- Bravo, Carl. Bravo.
# It only leads to trouble #
# Then if anything shows #
# Oh, touch-a, touch-a, touch-a
Touch me #
Yeah, I'm definitely not there.
You see, Eddie happens to be my...
William! I'd like to see you
in my office, please.
I just thought maybe it would help me
feel hot enough...
To be honest, your motivations
for doing this production are murky to me...
Man-to-man, you gave me your word.
It's in her office. I'll show you.
They deserve a little better than that.
- not on the taxpayers' dime.
- Oh, please, Sue.
I never should have tried
to put it on in the first place.
being with him...
And when I was younger...
# Madness #
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 12, 2010
Finn and Rachel plan to throw the competition so Sam can win when club members are assigned duets; Mike, Tina and Artie find themselves in a love triangle.
Team up with me for the duet competition.
and I wants to get my mack on.
and when the manager tried to
stop me from filling it up...
I have issues with the fact that
you don't understand that no means no.
# Oh, honey, if I get restless #
# I gave you my heart #
I mean, Breadsticks has these vegan meatballs.
They're- They're okay.
Wow, Rachel, I've never seen you
like this. I'm kind of impressed.
Normal? What do you mean?
All I want is a normal salad
that doesn't have chicken feet in it!
He e-mailed me, like, 60 MP3s of him
singing, and I thought it was Faith Hill.
Well, eventually you're
gonna get popular from it, believe me...
The blueberry flavor is the worst...
The Avatar language. Lor menari.
It's fine, I guess.
Most guys don't know
how to deal with unwanted advances.
You know, until you find somebody...
# In every way #
# And I love you, baby
like a robin loves to sing #
# If I lost you, would I cry #
- This is a disaster.
- Stop pacing. It's stressing me out.
sometimes you have to
get used to being alone.
# Oh, baby, won't you play me
le jazz hot, maybe #
# So come on in and play me
le jazz hot, baby #
Yeah! Yeah, Kurt!
It's the perfect song
for this very situation.
# Oh, I know you're thinking
What a crazy #
- # See, I really couldn't #
- # Sing #
Look, I know I shouldn't have.
She was just sending me these vibes.
# Reaching through this world #
# Again ##
Okay, I just want to say
I'm really excited...
# Lucky I'm in love with my best friend #
# I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend #
But did you ever think
how much it means to me?
- This is so not a date.
- We did it, babe.
Look, I know you're lonely,
but you're not alone.
The impressions, the bad jokes...
Figured if I looked
like Swayze in Point Break...
Aired 9 years ago - Oct 05, 2010
Finn has an existential crisis when he believes he sees the face of Jesus in his grilled cheese sandwich. Meanwhile, the rest of the kids rally around Kurt after he has a crisis of his own that leads to a larger discussion among the group about their own theology.
all year just for
but if I wanted to sing
♪ for things
that you might have done. ♪
I don't know.
Dating Rachel is great,
I've been struggling, trying
♪ after giving it my all. ♪
I think God is kind of like
Santa Claus for adults.
But I can't believe
something I don't.
And as much as I enjoy
giving impromptu civics lessons,
I need to know that my children
will be free to worship
without an official complaint
from a student.
Please tell me
what horrible, horrible thing
And after a while I realized it wasn't
that I wasn't praying hard enough...
but I'm still very allergic
to your lustrous ginger mane.
What do you pray for?
♪ Oh, God... ♪
♪ Papa, can you hear me ♪
♪ now that I'm alone ♪
♪ The trees are so much taller ♪
♪ good night... ♪
his quarterback job
I mean, that was it.
♪ when I say that something. ♪
♪ you'll let me hold your hand. ♪
♪ I can't hide... ♪
and I got them to dedicate
this Sunday to your dad.
but I didn't mean for
anybody to get hurt.
God works in all kinds
of mysterious ways,
♪ and I don't know
if I can do it. ♪
'Cause life is too hard
to go through it alone,
♪ I'll take your part. ♪
♪ Let it, let it, let it, let it... ♪
Yeah. That would be nice.
You put it on the table,
Aired 9 years ago - Sep 28, 2010
When Brittany and the gang try to convince Mr. Schuester to let them do a Britney Spears number, he is reluctant to go that edgy. Meanwhile, an insecure Will is curious about Emma’s new beau, Dr. Carl Howell, so he convinces her to bring him in to
talk to the kids about dental hygiene. While the dreamy doc inspires the girls to take their dental health more seriously, Will is left feeling worse than before.
part of a club that
just anyone can join.
all by yourself.
a winning football team.
to impregnate the tailpipes
of various off-road vehicles.
This doesn't make any sense.
Yeah. I'm with Rachel
on this one.
Ã¢ÂÂª Bah bah bah Ã¢ÂÂª
Ã¢ÂÂª Tell by my attitude
that I'm most definitely from Ã¢ÂÂª
Ã¢ÂÂª In New York Ã¢ÂÂª
what Glee Club
was all about.
I made it super masculine,
just like these pamphlets I saw
Ã¢ÂÂª Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna think anymore! Ã¢ÂÂª
The Panther isn't cool
refers to herself in the
third person as an animal.
full pads out on the field.
all those tech-savvy Asian kids
about the arts.
I like his confidence,
Ã¢ÂÂª Oh, every time I close Ã¢ÂÂª
Ã¢ÂÂª You can call me Artie Claus,
minus the ho-ho Ã¢ÂÂª
Ã¢ÂÂª Oh, oh, oh, oh Ã¢ÂÂª
she has a remarkable voice.
totally blinded by my concern
for the two of you.
a female football coach,
Saw your stats from last season,
and it really hurt my feelings.
a human battering ram,
of your stretch marks
Ã¢ÂÂª Power Ã¢ÂÂª
not the USS Back Talk.
Care to comment?
Now take your juicy,
you do is cool.
It's very serious.
Ã¢ÂÂª A melody I start Ã¢ÂÂª
Ã¢ÂÂª I'm not at home
in my own home Ã¢ÂÂª
Ã¢ÂÂª Listen Ã¢ÂÂª
I realized that we were still
at the bottom... outsiders.
the likes of which have not been
seen since the Mexican Indians
Okay, I love it too much
to let it go that easy.
Aired 9 years ago - Sep 21, 2010
After a tough loss at Regionals, the glee club is back as the underdogs of McKinley High. When the school is faced with even more budget cuts, Mr. Schuester pushes the kids to help recruit new members for the club. Rachel and Finn disagree on new recruits, and aren’t sure they will be able to come together in perfect harmony.
I don't suppose there's any way you could
just cut out that last part, is there?
Nobody wants to be part of a
club that just anyone can join.
all by yourself.
- a winning football team.
- Who's this?
to impregnate the tailpipes
of various off-road vehicles.
- This doesn't make any sense.
- Yeah. I'm with Rachel on this one.
♪ Yeah, yeah, I'm
out that Brooklyn ♪
♪ Tell by my attitude that
I'm most definitely from ♪
# In New York #
what Glee Club was all about.
And how does the school repay them?
I made it super masculine,
just like these pamphlets I saw
# I left my head and my
heart on the dance floor #
except doing exactly what
she says without question.
This kind of abuse and teasing
And the first ten
to puke are off the team.
# Getting to know
all about you #
Dude, you'd be like a human
cannonball. That would be awesome!
I like his confidence,
but the Bieber cut's gotta go.
# My eyes #
# Ha-ha! Get it? I'll probably
visit where Katrina hit #
she has a remarkable voice.
talk to Sunshine now
- Anyone sitting here?
Saw your stats from last season,
and it really hurt my feelings.
I don't like being screwed with!
I understand you had your
confetti cannons taken away.
Am I dreaming?
- # I've got the power... #
Please, Coach, don't do this to me.
I need football. It's who I am.
- Care to comment?
- I just...
and get the hell out of my office.
Stop the violence.
What about that Sunshine girl?
I thought you said she could sing.
- Tell me this isn't true, Rachel.
- She could have died.
# But can't complete #
# And I've tried and tried #
# To the song
here in my heart #
And that's how I made you feel.
sold Manhattan to George Washington
for an upskirt photo of Betsy Ross.
- I'll never break up with you.
- Me, neither.