The IT Crowd

I forgot you could do that.

I'd like to introduce you to my...

Ah. Well then I probably shouldn't have told you any of that.

have you told her yet?

I'll give you...I don't know...

Mrs. Reynholm... Can I call you Victoria?

What are you trying to say?

No, because I'm not a normal person.

but please, show a little respect!

"Pedestal"!

How come? Well, when I was 11, I broke the patio window, and my mother sued me.

She won.

Bloody blast, this is up my arse!

I'm not your lawyer.

But I tell you this, behind those shades, she's terrified.

Bring it on!

in what way were you indispensable?

Well, if I didn't do it, he wouldn't do it. Make a note... "brush teeth".

You only said one.

Your honour, may I present the central exhibit to our case...

Dammit, Jim, I'm a sexy doctor,

I am not in any way cross.

Wise words, my learned lud.

Who am I thinking of?

Your Honour, may I confer with my relationship manager? What's up, Jen?

The one I just did there was rubbish.

This very courtroom in fact,

The way you tell it, your employer sounds like a paragon of virtue.

What did you say?

Yes, but did you say "damp squid"?

I must say, I find it extraordinary that you, a man in your early 30s,

Your name is Maurice Moss, is it not?

It's fizzy. Gone fizzy.

Relax. Take your time.

Chair. It was the chair's fault.

Oh, God.

I did, for over four years.

Now that sounds unpleasant.

Not really, Your Honour.

We at Goth2Boss work with goths at various locations around the UK

hang around railway stations with her hands in her sleeves.

Her name is Melanie Crawford,

You'll never go a whole day without saying it.

I want you to take a look at something.

that if I were the type to use bad language,

Ploppers!

Look at all this stuff! I haven't seen that one since the '90s!

Look at it... that's the browser. Internet Explorer is a browser!

to know that you need a browser to access the internet!

Our time is too valuable!

You don't like balloons?

Yeah, let's have a lovely lunch in the park.

Roy, do you think if I hadn't paid so much attention in school

We've got to hurry up, we're going to be in trouble.

I need to be at work.

You're not going to get in trouble.

We'll bunk off and make a day of it. It'll be a laugh.

I mean, bunking off. The old me would never have done that!

Which is why after one week with us, we honour Ben Genderson.

would be able to focus on one individual like this.

Really? I flew George Lucas in to see them as a treat.

Oh, yes.

Roy, can I clarify something? Are we now loitering?

That's what the man wants.

Okay! Who?

We weren't. We thought you were someone else.

That's the craziest thing I've ever bloody heard!

so it's appreciated, it really is. Cheers.

and... Sorry, what's your name?

I'm a relationship manager. I manage my team, I'm a team leader.

it was our thing. And then it was some scary thing,

I want to bite the electric tiger's tail,

What are you doing?

What is wrong with you? Whoareyou?

Okay, run! Run, run, run!

Sorry. Can I have technical assistance, please?

I've got one of your laptops. It won't get past the loading screen.

Ah, the Zubion. I have to say, we have been having problems

Delete.

Allo?

Oh, all right. All right.

It's okay. Okay, let's just try and get back in to work,

Where've you come from, fella? Huh? Where do you come from?

Get away! Get away from it. There's a bomb!

Linda just had a baby?

Yeah, you know what, it's none of my business.

Will you be wearing that all the time now?

...we got these, six or seven times a week.

We all have to do our bit.

- With such a butch hand. - Oi...

Just as long as we never talk about it again.

We coulnd't...

Very impressive.

...and I can sound like I'm speaking Italian, so it's...

Would it be of any help, what so ever...

Yeah, I mean, I would imagine a whale needs a lot of water.

- And do they have plastic-- - No, it's all stone steps.

- Well, maybe you could just... - No, no, no, no, no.

There are twelve exits.

Isn't it Bernatelli today? Shouldn't you be preparing?

You don't close encounters crazy, Roy.

There's an iPhone, Jen. An actual iPhone.

- I don't have time. - But, it's an iPhone, Jen.

Luigi...

It's coming... I can see, I can see the start button.

Mr. Bernatelli, meet Jen.

How do we know that laptop, isn't somehow able to connect to the internet?

And hope today is the beginning of a long and fruitful partnership.

So, they must've been there.

I waited till night time.

Scientific mind, believes in Spacestar Ordering.

You went to the wrong address. You went to a swimming pool.

Aren't you a bit old for the front?

The keyboard player.

Are you sure it's not just because he's in a band?

When did mosh pits become so unruly?

Okay, okay.

What the bloody hell's wrong with you?

No, no, no! That's how I originally injured my back.

But you know, fear of heights...

nearly done.

What?

Yes, I did.

Okay.

Go on.

and he gave me a big kiss on the arse.

No, I was reallyafraid she'd laugh at me.

I think he crossed the line. I don't think it's funny.

Really?

The bloke who did it kissed me on my arse.

You've got to spread that kind of material out!

and that was his signature. Maybe he does it to everybody.

kissed on the bottom unexpectedly because of this man ever again.

No-one will laugh! Come on, help us bring this monster to justice!

I am getting a robot hand!

Listen, Tim, Mary's not going to make it tonight. What'll we do about backing vocals?

You've just got to ask yourself one thing -

No-one's like Jen.

I've never done anything like this before.

So, Norman, we've had a talk.

Well, I had nightmares about it.

Well, just to the left of the cleftal horizon.

that what some people call their bottom, others might call their hip.

Why is no-one laughing?

Perhaps Mr. Trenneman might be able to help us with the aid of this diagram.

the ladder, bike, everything. It's still there!

My mum always says, you should never open the door.

Unless that cake is made of dog poo and knives!

Yeah, there was a RAM emergency.

They don't want me. They don't want me at the Monday-Friday!

I had another name, once.

Your eyes betray you.

Roy and I were at college together.

I play Shotgun games all the time. They're brilliant.

Don't ask me what I'm doing, you arrogant twat.

That's Roger Black. That's Steven Pawlin.

And you are our newest member.

Couldn't give a shit. My neighbour just called.

When it happens again, last week. I have to give it back to him!

Oh, no! No! No!

I'm not a window cleaner!

This bloke thinks I'm a window cleaner.

Apparently people were being rude to him so he suspended all his accounts.

Douglas said it was for super secret meetings.

Why don't you wear a towel, hang around the door,

Sure. Yeah.

Alcohol-free beer, surely?

Will I see you tonight?

Countdown Groupies are the most sexually voracious of all groupies,

My name is Word here.

Boom!

He's challenging you to a game of Street Countdown. You cannot accept.

You're lucky my "girlfriend" has gone to the toilet.

What is Street Countdown?

I came here to drink milk and kick ass.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, hey!

I'm not a window cleaner!

Vowel.

Give me one of dem sweet, sweet consonants, you get me?

18 letters.

Negative One?

I do all right.

It still just hurts just a little bit whenever I think about her.

What, why not?

Eurgh...

I even got that award off those feminists.

Women, eh?

No, no, Moss, please,

Jen's Entertainments Manager.

Fredo, from the Godfather.

he was sort of a pimp.

Things are different now.

No, no, no, Jen's our new Entertainments Manager.

round this old town I like to call Londinius.

No, no, it's a show, it's a show. There's no subtitles.

Come on, Jen, what type of show?

I'm so sorry, I really can't apologise enough.

Next time you take us to something about talking fannies,

"who men have civilised with their insatiable sexuality."

I'm all too familiar with my misguided words.

and the men are just looking up at them.

Mr. Reynholm, I will not work with prostitutes.

Men, eh,

...which is why the game needs a 20-sided dice.

In a sense, except it uses the most powerful processor known to man.

From the mighty mountains that border the Goblin Wastelands.

every trap you spring.

See that you bloody don't!

John Two, you're a wood fairy.

and travel to worlds hitherto undreamed of?

I don't think I want to hang with these guys.

Could I steal the lovely Roy for a sec?

They're here for a good time. Look at that face.

Yeah.

Oh, don't mention it. Although you do know I don't have the authority

No. Are there rumours?

Yeah, that bunny thing gave him that thing.

Dammit!

The very same.

The Palace Guard?

not three moons ago.

Hello, my queen.

Missing you a little bit.

Sorry. Bear with me. Bear with me. Bear with me.

I miss you.

You were here and then you were gone.