Aired 12 years ago - Sep 28, 2007
Douglas hires Jen as his new PA, which gives Moss and Roy free reign in the office.
Are you still in the same clothes
I'll send him right...
I'll be right up. Bye.
Yeah, it's getting a little ridiculous.
there was a group of tramps,
two of whom she knows by name.
Which is why I've been expecting you.
You don't ask questions.
- Yes, there's that court case.
- Yeah, but she'll settle.
What does that actually involve?
Phew. So, no?
Do you even have the authority
to offer me a pay rise?
You're gonna let that hang there.
Who is this?
Yeah, yeah. This is his wife.
Feels like we've built up a...
Come on, Jen!
Ever feel like just having some fun?
There's not a day goes past
that I don't think of her.
I want to feel like Melissa
is alive just one last time.
I'm going back to IT,
where my skills are appreciated.
I think we've done nearly all of them.
Those clumsy seduction.
Don't say you couldn't see through it.
I go for classically good-looking men.
Blond, broad, clean-shaven.
You have a pizza with grapes?
I wish I could've seen
the look on his face!
You wanna play Guitar Hero?
Busting into the future
strongly, again and again.
regretting what we didn't do
in our short time on this earth.
You know I spoke to you 4 hours ago?
Aired 12 years ago - Sep 21, 2007
When Jen loses concentration during a board meeting due to a faulty bra, Moss overcomes his fear of ladies' underwear and plots a way out of Reynholm Industries by inventing a flawless bra.
And I have it on good authority.
Oh, Moss isn't feeling too well
and besides, of the two of you,
I can see where
you've been having problems.
OK, see you then.
you managed to speak for eight minutes
without actually saying anything.
to increase our online visibility
without spending a single penny.
The straps are digging
into my shoulders.
That's not important right now.
So why don't you use
your normal voice, now?
A ladder to help moths
escape from the bath.
They have wings.
Ah, well, prepare to put mustard
on those words,
Ah, here's Jen. Oh, that's it,
it's a bra. I've made a brilliant bra.
It can never go bad.
Not this one, Jen. But don't take my
word for it, take it out for a spin.
Oh, that is just huge.
You're gonna be on telly.
Playtex have changed
a lot over the last few years.
If I don't know, how will they?
Got Helen Bewley coming in tomorrow.
Do you know who she is?
- How does that sound?
- Sounds great.
Hello, Stephen Premmel.
I'm afraid I'm very late.
a spokesman for
the Ministry of Defence. Mr Premmel?
It's all right. I kinda switched off
after the word football.
when who should appear
upon my television screen?
- What other stuff?
- OK, well...
is buy the rights
for the word Abracada-bra.
in this area
and an overall yield of 22%.
I remember when the atmosphere here
here was a lot less conducive
Oh, my tits are hot.
You owe me. Helen Bewley
has gone away thinking I was a stripper
- I'm doing presentation.
- Where did you get pizza?
People do need to be fit
to go on Dragons' Den.
I'm completely sure that
I've absolutely sorted out
- You're scaring him.
- Don't be scared, Moss.
Aired 12 years ago - Sep 14, 2007
Jen has found love, and is giving a dinner party with her new boyfriend to six of their single friends. But when the three male invitees drop out at the last moment, Jen is forced to call upon Moss, Roy and Richmond.
Unless you can find
three guys to replace them.
It's my home, it's my special place,
in a kind of special way that
means you can't come into my home.
I didn't hear anything, Roy. Unless
it was some kind of stupid mouse.
Oh, Richmond, not you too.
What are you doing? Don't sit down yet.
Thank you, Roy.
Red wine, white wine, Carlsberg?
She'll appreciate that.
Brilliant. Just my luck.
You know, nothing about memory
Needs to go to the toilet a lot.
That happens to me.
He wouldn't come here,
not with all these people around.
I'm sorry about the accident.
I just started running it today.
Well, a motorbike jumped the lights
and so I swerved into a lamppost.
They said it might not be
as symmetrical as it once had been,
So the surgeon...
is thinking of having
a breast augmentation.
Well, I think a round of applause
is justified for that dinner.
I'll have the tartare sauce.
Stop it! Stop it!
What are you doing?
I suppose I better go back in there
and see what Judy Finnegan's up to!
I said, "Do you think you'd die
if you drank wee?"
Ah, New York, the city of apples.
Who's a paedophile?
- Who's a paedophile?
- No one.
I don't know but it was a great movie!
Johnny Depp, what a revelation!
- Oh, what?
They all seemed to pair off. It's what
you want from an evening like this.
Aired 12 years ago - Sep 07, 2007
Worried that his life is stagnating, Moss enrols on a German cookery course. Jen discovers that the only place in the building where she can now enjoy a cigarette is a smoking area not unlike Soviet Russia.
We go to a film, sometimes the pub,
maybe get some dinner,
I don't wanna go out on the street.
who wants to tell me the twist in a film
I've been waiting to see for ages.
- We're answering the phone.
- We are not answering the phones.
You know, things like
No, I'm very busy. I don't wanna
go for a ride in a helicopter.
Some sort of homosexual department?
of finger-licking chicken like that?
Excellent, that's settled!
Seven o'clock tonight.
I wonder when they will decide
to get it over with and kill us.
This time next month, when you want
German cuisine, I'm your man.
I got a reply to my advertisement.
- Hello. I'm Moss.
- Yes, yes. I'm Johann.
So eager, so brave.
- How long does this course last?
- Course, what course?
Well, yeah, you could come over here,
we could put on some music,
- so help yourself to beer.
- Don't mind if I do?
and hopefully we'll still be able
to enjoy it.
But isn't that half the fun,
trying to guess the twist?
Morning. You must be Jen's mother.
And it turns out he didn't want
to teach me how to cook...
Yeah, keep up Jen.
He wanted to eat you!
You should see his place,
Jen, don't be such
an old fuddy-duddy.
being a cannibal's
a little immoral too.
They are moving us
to a new smoking area.
We must all fight them. We must
keep smoking until the bitter end!
So we'll watch the film, then
I'll tell him I changed my mind.
Aired 12 years ago - Aug 31, 2007
Denholm is informed of a police presence at the office, causing him to commit suicide. Roy asks Moss to "pimp" the vibrate setting on his mobile phone because it is so weak, and then is mortified to find an internet site that predicts his date of
death to be 3pm on the date of Denholm's funeral. Despite reassurances from Moss and Jen, he cannot help but worry. Denholm's successor then reveals he despises the IT department and would love to see them fired. At the funeral, Roy causes a scene as his mobile phone vibrates heavily, believing he is dying. Denolm's successor threatens to fire Moss, Roy and Jen, but Denholm's estranged son and natural successor to Reynholm Industries, Douglas (Played by Matt Berry), bursts into the funeral and takes over the company. It turns out that he loves the IT department, and their jobs are saved. Jen takes up smoking again after watching Denholm advertise them on his funeral video.
- That's where your balls are.
It actually estimates
the date of your death!
That's right, baby!
I've got 70 more years!
- I told you not to look!
- I made a mistake.
What, how long more
they've given me, 20 years?
These things are, at best,
or "cool" but there is
a ruddy good reason
what age did Uncle Tony die?
Plus, I've just had to walk all the way
down the mother fudging stairs
- Really? I did send out a memo.
- I didn't get it.
Put it up to 8!
Put it up to 8!
I mean Mr. Reynholm!
It clearly stated that
you were going to die, today.
Call me a f****** ambulance!
I can't leave it. I'll turn it off.
I've just been set up.
If we are all quite ready,
I see a lot of faces out there.
after a lengthy court case, 7 years ago.
- Hi, I'm Douglas.
- Jen Barber.
Reynholm Industries is now yours.
There's one more thing,
but it's for your ears only.
I've been using a very creative
accountant recently released from jail
Aired 12 years ago - Aug 24, 2007
Dashing Philip drops in from the sixth floor to ask Jen to the theatre, but a possible date turns into a work outing when Moss and Roy also get invites. The evening predictably spirals towards disaster, leaving Jen to wonder whether Philip is who he claims to be.
- No, I don't. What?
- I'm just surprised.
Why else would he ask me out on a date?
could he have thought you were a man?
Passing to my window,
That's just bloody rude!
Gay musical? Aren't all musicals gay?
He's just an ordinary ignored man!
This is Jerome.
He does publicity for the show.
Isn't she lovely?
Hold my hand.
It's too gay for me. I thought
I could handle it, but I can't.
or, should he bend over
to pick something up.
Every value I've ever held
is being questioned,
- I'm not going back in there!
- Oh yes, you are!
He should work where people
don't want to go to the toilet.
- What are you doing?
- Don't panic!
Wait, where's your...
Do you have a wheelchair?
All right, you're all right.
We're not going anywhere
until we've got you sorted out.
Listen, I told the cast
about what happened,
Did you see who it was?
What are the chances
of that happening?
Can I have a double whisky, please?
- You're from telly!
- I am.
Help, pal! I need a wheelchair!