Girls

Hannah begins questioning her romantic relationship with Adam. Marnie decides to embrace her free-spirited nature during a mystery party that Jessa is hosting. Shoshanna benefits from her unique personality and characteristics.

I received from Jessa about 20 minutes ago, could it?

What in God's name is this party for?

Party.

My name was on that paper.

(LAUGHS)

She's not getting married.

I thought that we were gonna have a threesome with your friend Marnie.

WOMAN 2: Yeah, man! WOMAN 3: All right!

Not only did I find you very creepy,

- You are? - Yeah.

All right, everybody, let's fucking cork it out!

Of course, I like them unironically.

and then we'll just like, wink at each other from across the room.

I don't wanna dance.

You are the strangest person.

Fine.

'cause that girl wears floral capris like her hymen's still intact,

- George, this is Hannah. - Hi. Nice to meet you.

So I've been living in an SRO since I left Beau, which is an apartment where you share

- What is that'? - Human papillomavirus.

- About what'? - About moving in, because I found someone.

I've got actual things I would like to achieve before I focus on, like, that.

- (LAUGHTER) - "It's cakey time"?

- You ready, baby? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ready.

Yo!

Well, you don't have the right to be!

You don't know me and you don't know yourself.

Yeah, well, she kind of threw it at me, but thank you.

- I can't stop. Oh, you're just going for it, huh? - Mmm-hmm.

Man, I am not good at this.

You know, you've never done it before,

Adam, I'm coming with you.

Feeling resentful of an old classmate's success and unable to make rent, Hannah is forced to take a job at a café. Marnie has trouble handling Hannah's emotional and financial needs. Jessa runs into her old boss. Shoshanna meets her online match.

Congratulations, Tally.

Uh, the first part. I fell asleep.

- Professor Goldman. - No, please. Powell.

but I'm sure you probably get enough of those emails, so...

a weekly reading at Salmagundi Art Club.

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So you didn't sleep at all last night?

that I went to the stupidest, stupidest summer camp?

So I'm gonna take a chance and I'm gonna put myself out there

I've always pictured you being with.

You know what I mean?

Thank you. Okay?

"None of us know how much time we have left."

but my nutrition teacher, who's, like, so cool,

He likes movies and food.

Oh, like, with... without me?

Plus, they have those stupid fucking little crackers

Can you sit on my back?

Katherine.

Jessa, I want you to come back.

You're essentially begging the world to fuck with you.

I know all the dick moves. Don't be a dick.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

My mother is breast-feeding Jeff.

'cause I... I think you made me see some things

You should try sustaining that for 15 years.

on top of a pile of collapsed Chinese food boxes, like, a semester's worth.

How about years of neglected abuse?

I can't come back to work for you.

Showing up about 10 minutes late

Uh, but I reread the essay this morning

my vegan friend, Marina, liked.

Died."

Well, occasionally, he baits people who call in,

- Hey. - Hi.

really true about the uncertainty of being our age. I cried twice.

You can have it. I don't know what size it is, though.

but you pushed me like you push everyone about everything!

We talk about what's right with Charlie, then what's wrong.

- Well, I do. - Well, now I don't.

I've already said to me, about me, probably in the last half hour!

While Hannah delves deeper into Adam's life, an unemployed Jessa and a down-and-out Marnie end up forming an unexpected bond before coming face to face with an eligible bachelor who is pretending to be something he is not.

- What? - I don't do ice cream. It's like sweet mucus.

I like you.

She had a work trip to Milan and then they took a couple of days in Rome.

When I broke up with my girlfriend from college, so sad.

- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - HANNAH: Oh, here.

- Like, are you nervous to have me see it? - No.

Is he, like, a great thinker or just a total fucking idiot?

Mmm, I don't know where to sit.

and try hard to make eye contact with Shelby Carruthers.

when I fucked her on the strip of lawn between the liquor store and the dog salon.

- What the fuck are you doing? - What?

Don't be afraid that if they're not laughing, they're not feeling.

What?

Like, you have to teach them how to please you or you have to compromise.

- She's got nothing on you. - Mmm.

because I really admire your work ethic, your commitment to hygiene.

Oh, my God!

- You were 17? You were older than me? - Yeah.

Yeah, so you can pee out of it.

Yeah, I just feel like I travel so much now, I'm lag-proof.

Well, thanks for handling the check.

Um, well, we should welcome you to our borough, first of all.

Is he, though?

He's working on a mash-ups album.

(LAUGHING)

Fuck, it's so rare to find just two such different,

Are you fucking serious?

and getting a little bit turned on. I wanna be balls-deep in something!

There's no way that's your fuckin' nose.

and then spill it all over my gorgeous rug.

Adam.

At a raging party, Hannah sees a different side of Adam. Jessa lures the sender of an anonymous text message. Marnie finds out what Charlie's been up to recently. Shoshanna gets a hand from Ray when she needs it most.

- Shoshanna! - Hi. Hi.

- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

Thanks.

- Ah! - Ooh!

I don't understand.

You are a sociopath.

Okay, that's Adam.

Because that is Adam and I am not gonna talk to him.

Hey, guys, that's Hannah.

- It's like wearable taxidermy. - Mmm.

that I can be much more awesome in kickboxing class.

and I'm going towards the front. Is it so crazy hot in here?

It was a glass cigarette and I'm high.

and it only lasts a little while.

Please. That's my boss right there.

You're gonna go to the front in kickboxing class.

It never goes well for me.

I just blew his anonymousness.

- So that's usually the first thing. - Yeah.

- Way to cushion the blow. - Oh, come on.

Yeah.

You're gonna reduce us to a subculture

- Oh, hey, Hannah, hi. - Hi.

Fine. Okay.

Fuck. My balls are throbbing.

I think it was probably the crack.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, maybe it'll help.

- Good. - Yeah.

What for?

and have come a very long way.

- Well, that's our Hannah. - I know, right?

No, no, no. I'm just in a moment of crisis.

How's this for selfish?

I am never coming back to Bushwick again, ever!

Is that what it's called? Something for the pain.

That I followed you to Bushwick and got beat up by crusty punks?

I mean, we won't do anything.

Hannah visits her parents in Michigan for their 30th anniversary, and winds up going on a date to a fund-raiser for a local family who suffered a tragic loss.

Sorry.

Hey.

to be able to find satisfaction outside of our relationship.

- Thank you. - You were amazing.

This happened in two weeks?

like a gym class rope by a tiny navajo.

- You fucking scared her! - Oh, no! No, no!

She's not my girlfriend anymore.

Shoshanna, Ray. Ray, Shoshanna.

I smoked some pot in line for the bathroom,

Okay, hey, look at me. You smoked crack.

Shh, shh.

Okay? Hey, Shosh, this is Ray. Remember Ray?

Stop!

Oh, thanks, but no, thanks.

It's just something that's important to me.

Mmm, oh.

That's like the main defining thing about him, isn't it?

Where's Katherine?

This is insane.

Sorry, we didn't know that you were down there.

- Hey, come on. - God, you just spit on Charles Manson.

Your... your cous...

I've really never tried it on a real man before.

No, it's not.

So good to see you.

- Could you hold my backpack? - Yeah, of course I will.

Oi!

She's like, "Oh, there's Adam.

I've been listening to since 2006.

But whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the night.

We'll call you as soon as there's some availability.

I'm so sorry.

I mean, we won't do anything.

I liked you better when you were being the good guy.

Tako told me that you're an alcoholic.

Hannah tries a different tack with her boss to counter his inappropriate office behavior.

I mean, you didn't seem happy with him.

And your boss.

That is disgusting. I would never.

Well, guys like that will try anything once.

It just kind of aggressively clashes.

- Charlie's a good guy, okay? - I know.

- Come on, Ray. - Don't, don't gesture like that.

how to break down a freakin' box?

- You did all of this? - Yeah.

I kept telling you to come over.

but if we're late,

- Ha! Seriously? - Yeah.

- I'm actually just leaving. - Oh.

- We don't share a house. - But I love your house.

( Music playing )

Oh, my God. I want one.

- No, I can't. She's stuck to the pole. - She's stuck to a pole?

Hey, if you're feeling better in like an hour,

Yeah, sometimes.

Okay, drop the sandwich stuff.

You know what? Adults try things. That's what I've learned.

Hannah, wait, are you on drugs?

Insult me, that's fine.

Because you're great.

Are we really breaking up?

- and I fucking decided on you. - Charlie!

I'll do-- I will do whatever it takes, just...

Okay, I'm really serious. I've been with Gillian

Have you ever looked into that?

A girl that I used to date in a very tumultuous relationship

- Really. - Really?

You're a batshit little perv.

- You shouldn't do that. - Why?

I'm gonna use your bathroom.

- Why then? - For the story.

Oh, fuck.

Adam, I'm leaving.

You know, for the story.

- Keep your face close to mine. - Okay.

I'm right here. I'm right here.

Adam's risqué text message sends Hannah over the edge. Jessa gets distracted while babysitting. Shoshanna reunites with a guy she knew at camp. Ray and Charlie stick their noses where they don't belong.

Oh, no, I'm good. I'm just a hunchy person naturally.

And open up the solar plexus.

even on the days you don't feel like it.

It was really awesome.

I will never forget the time that you saved

and he got Tommy health insurance.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah, they're really, really patchy.

- Sugar. - Mm-hmm. Brown sugar.

- Yeah. That's beautiful. - Yeah.

of this thing that she likes from restoration hardware.

It's not adult life if your parents pay for your BlackBerry.

- How was your day? - I ate my snack, but I lost my barrette.

have to go talk about some work stuff.

Katherine found her. She's great, very present.

with someone who looks like me, you know?

'Kay.

I'm just a touchy kind of guy.

Of course she keeps a journal,

- Hey? - Huh?

- Let go! Shit, relax! - It's fucking annoying.

- I'm 24 years old. - You're the babysitter?

- Yeah. - Oh, don't tell your boyfriend about that handsy stuff.

It does. Do you know my mother used to have a hat like this?

- That's a hella different. - Different.

I don't know what that is, but that sounds awesome.

♪ And you already know who's your daddy ♪

We could, like, watch something else if you're not into it.

You could put it on me if... if that'll help or whatever.

I don't wanna touch if we haven't kissed.

I know, it seems really weird, but I freakin' love it.

Like, uh, yeah, if... if you want to.

Yeah, it's just really not my thing.

I'm, like, totally not an attached bleeder.

Oh, well, I'm so happy to see you guys.

- Special occasion. - Yay!

I have, once with Lola when she was three.

Like, my mom's this awesome mom,

I'm not saying.

What are you asking?

and wants to have sex with only me.

I could just come over and look at your dick.

but you're very, very charming.

- That's just not who I am. - Then just be who you are.

Depends on the virgin.

Will you be dead before you learn to recognize

- Yeah! - This next song is...

Hannah meets up with her erstwhile college flame to find out how she contracted HPV, uncovering much more in the process. Marnie's art-gallery boss introduces her to a cocky artist who piques her interest. Jessa gets a babysitting gig.

Um, and, like, very current.

Well, I don't lose weight from my stomach;

You actually really don't.

Shh.

It is not fun. It's not like camping.

Uh... okay.

- What does that do? - I don't really know. It can cause warts.

- Because I got tested and I don't have that. - You got tested?

Oh, my God. What?

What if you can't have children?

Because I'm fine and I'm not gonna die, so I'm fine.

and I almost never left from under my dining room table."

Do you know where Jessa is? Do you know when she'll be home?

And this guy Danny is looking for love,

- That's a crazy thing to do. - I know.

and then you're gonna have to pick a new baggage, so it doesn't count.

but I don't see any warts.

Um, I don't know.

You know what I say about men who fuck asian women.

I'm kind of mortified. I mean, she's a little bit drunk.

♪ but I gotta tell it like it is ♪

Have you lost weight?

but it could very well lead to something.

Well, Elijah, I'm really happy to see you, too.

and I just felt like eventually we were going to either see you, or...

Oh, well, I don't, um...

to my total joy for you and your self-discovery.

The high line is kinda bullshit, but it'll work.

Oh, holy shit. I had no idea. Thank you.

- ( Marnie laughs ) - Sometimes.

- People say that. - It's been a long time since I heard that.

and I know how to do things.

Oh, Bea is so cute.

It was my friend's. Anyway, they were awful.

Oh, I mean, are you...

Well, I am very, very happy for you.

Because I've been having protected sex

No, I'm saying that there's no way for me to know.

Fruity little voi... fruity little voice?

You didn't just.

if you keep dressing like that.

- Oh, my God, that is so much worse. - ( Laughs )

- Yeah? - Yeah!

Pay tomorrow. It's fine. Fine.

Hannah reveals her AIDS phobia when she realizes Adam might not be monogamous. Marnie lives in denial of her growing boredom with her long-term boyfriend. Jessa avoids Marnie's meticulously planned day at a womenʼs health clinic, where Shoshanna confesses a humiliating secret.

It's my manifestation board. I use it for inspiration.

for any young woman, and it totally makes sense

'Kay, bye.

I, um-- I'm just going home to get my cell phone charger,

have a baby and take it to her babysitting job?

Well, I don't know what it is about me,

whenever I have sex with you.

- Okay? - Stop trying to kiss me. Stop trying to kiss me.

you should just be able to go about your business,

"You want these fucking nuts in your mouth?"

What?

that you have too great a boyfriend.

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I mean, since we're gonna be there anyway.

The thing is I have absolutely no sense of how he really feels about me

A tough love approach to the tough game of love."

You deserve someone who wants to look in your beautiful face, ladies."

Yes, you are. You're the ladies.

about how to deal with men and--

I mean, I know what is wrong, but how is it wrong?

Fine, ok.

And I wanna have children with many different men of different races.

No. My God, I mean, I would be so excited to work here.

- You know, big difference, Williamsburg and Greenpoint. - Oh, sure, yeah.

- then I wanna go to Washington commons. - Washington commons!

- This is really-- - Where did you go to school?

it's not office okay.

♪ with a girl like you ♪

These things never start on time.

It's about the most traumatic thing that can ever happen to a woman.

Like, it's never strayed from that.

When my sister had a baby, it was like hours,

Oh, thank you.

Do you really think that sounds like a lot of fun?

You just don't. It's not that easy to contract.

- Right. - And then, that stuff

- Hannah Horvath. - Okay, that is me.

She seemed really excited about it this morning.

I mean, honestly, can you think of anything less respectful than that,

and then just not even show up to the abortion?

It is.

- I don't-- - I don't know what to say.

Sexually active?

I mean, all of it.

you know, it's actually-- it's not a death sentence.

A comedy about twentysomething women navigating their way through life in New York. Hannahs parents rescind their financial support and she loses her unpaid internship. Her roommate, Marnie, throws a dinner party for their nomadic friend Jessa, who's returned from yet another journey.

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- Alarm, alarm. - ( Groaning )

It's a very odd show to hear through a wall.

His touch now feels like

I don't know. I can't feel it anymore.

Oh, my God. You're so hip, I could puke.

Costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Okay, but then how am I supposed to get him face-to-face

but I just think she's fun.

- I'm not on Facebook. - You're so fucking classy.

and I was shucking pearls there.

As you know, I've been working here for over a year.

- so I thought that maybe-- - Hannah.

Will you get me a luna bar?

( Both chuckle )

Yeah, but you're an actor, so aren't you always comparing different literature?

Yes.

Except mine.

but it's getting dark a lot earlier these days.

What are the requirements?

Okay.

and just figure out what-- it's just not comfortable for me--

- Let me do that. - Okay, uh...

- What's with all the tattoos? - What do you mean?

- Excuse me? - Ray's just being motivational.

Jessa: Paris is really where you should be.

( Singsong ) You're here. You're here. Hi.

It's great. It's fucking incredible.

- Marnie: What are you doing? - What are you doing over there?

- What does it taste like? - It kinda tastes like twigs.

Yeah, okay. I wanna go back in there.

You just need to tell them once and for all

I need to go.

- Hi! - Oh, hey. What the heck are you doing here?

I don't want to freak you out,

I guess I just don't understand the problem.

Marnie, I can't help your feelings.

All right? I'm pregnant.

- Your father's. - This is making me so unhappy.

I know about that. It's tantamount to smoking banana peels.

- Shots keep people from getting sick! - ( Coughing )