Top Gear

REVIEWS: TVR T350C • Overfinch Range Rover • Cadillac Sixteen • Volkswagen Phaeton CHALLENGE: Land Rover reliability challenge The Volkswagen Phaeton is tested; a car designed to compete with Mercedes and BMW. Richard drives the TVR T350c... alongside a Harrier Jump Jet. The Stig takes the TVR and the Noble around the track to see which is the faster car, after Richard and Jeremy can't separate them using the ancient art of Top Trumps. James drives the enormous Cadillac Sixteen prototype; Jeremy drives the Range Rover 580s which has been tuned by Overfinch, and Britain's fastest disabled driver. Alan Davies is the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

Oh, this feels good.

It hasn't lost the lairiness but it's just been to anger management.

sitting next to me, clearing his throat.

Turbo-charged... This has a proper straight six configuration. It's a race car.

A magnificent start! He's gone!

It's dangerous! Look at that, oversteer.

Loser, loser, loser, loser, loser!

TRADITIONAL AUSTRIAN WALTZ PLAYS

I've tried to get VW to tell me what these parameters are, but they've only given me one.

Push this button, and a panel slides down and acts as a radiator.

There's more too.

It went up to a smooth and totally stable 201 miles an hour.

The Bentley Continental GT. The most anticipated car for decades.

Want to guess? 200!

We like the shape? Yup. Interior? Yup. Ashtray action.

For the last two series, it's glued-in hair from Europe.

Is there a Cavalier thing running through the stand-up?

He looks across and there's four blokes in a Cavalier going,

The minibus is going, achump, chiggum, chiggum.

"Imagine I'm a passer-by.

Who would you like to beat on the board? Where do you want to be? Michael Gambon did a wet lap.

That is a 13.5-litre V16 - 16 cylinders.

And this is a 1000 horsepower car.

It needs one on the front or back. That's huge - 13.5?

We found the drivers and a converted Porsche 911, and we had a track...

"You did that on purpose," - that's what he's going to say.

The results - they are as follows. In sixth place...

It's priced at £45,000,

And they've fiddled with the gearbox.

2,000 rpm and...

It's a giggle, but you've got no real say in the direction of travel.

The normal Range Rover is a very good car,

Iooking a bit slow, it must be said.

Land Rover said, "We're building it properly. "

It won't go up and down. Oh, dear!

Watch this!

We thought Jay Kay would sit on top of our celebrity board for ever.

If you have any opinions about the show, do keep them to yourselves!

REVIEWS: Vandenbrink Carver • Volvo S60 R • GM HyWire • Vauxhall Signum James drives the Hy-Wire, a hydrogen-powered concept car and Jeremy tries the new Volvo S60 R - claimed by Volvo to be a rival for the BMW M3. He also drives the new Vauxhall Signum, from the back seat using a hoe and string. Richard drives/rides the Carver, a three-wheeled tilting bike from Holland. Graeme Le Saux argues the case for the Audi Quattro as the greatest car of all time and Patrick Stewart is the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

I can just sit here, listening to the excellent stereo,

you can put the suspension into comfort - bison - mode,

I have the brochure. I've never seen so many stupid acronyms for driver control.

The suspension is in advanced mode, which Volvo says makes it like

The time was 1 min 35 secs dead. Whorr! So that goes...

You're looking and thinking, "Very nice. "

But let's be honest - it's never really changed.

It's replaced with this - a computer cable.

Squeeze them, and we brake. That's fantastic.

but I am concentrating very hard here.

There are no batteries to recharge anywhere.

It'll only take half an hour. Or better, get him to bring one round.

Remember this moment. That is the car of the future.

TINNY ENGINE WHINE At seven in the morning!

and the first thing you thought of to do with it was swear. Genius!

Anyone who nicked it would go, "No!" Like those who want drum 'n' bass.

Go and try it on. We want to see if it works. Seriously?

They're made in America, of course,

and 1,000 lamps, and I'm wearing this! Yes, I am hot! Does it work?

It's rare to have an opportunity to take up an argument with a celebrity such as yourself.

She's talking on her cellphone. She's steering with her left elbow,

I'm bored! Driving's boring! I think, "Look at him! What sort of geography does he teach?"

and a brilliant young actress, less than a year out of drama school called Lisa Dillon,

That was the early stages of his career. So he went on...?

who is at the emotional point of implosion when the play begins.

We were quite poor when we grew up. My parents never owned a car and didn't drive.

We would make out in the back of the SS Jaguar, so it wasn't just...

It's British racing green. It has wire wheels which are a nightmare. To clean.

Can you have fun driving in America? I find it tricky, ignoring the phone malarky.

There are these three banked corners on Sunset - "Dead Man's Curve".

No traction control on your XJS?

but I would like to see him eat my dust.

and you're across the line! CHEERING

LAUGHTER You've just made me very happy.

And 0 to 60 takes eight seconds, which in bike terms is a week.

It uses hydraulic rams that allow it to go over at ridiculous angles.

so at slow speeds, you can turn it for a full lock and it stays level.

Now, the bad news is...

My favourite Dutch story is they had an explorer years ago

And I don't think I'd tire of it.

The great thing was I went to a party... What, in this? Yeah.

This is a country where a gay marriage is legal. He is my partner and also my lover.

The Audi TT, the 225bhp version, £2,500 off. This gets better.

In every other car I've driven, the celery rolls around,

In the more expensive models which go up to £25,000, what you get here is a fridge and a DVD player.

No, no, no. Vectra. Still no.

And all these people had one thing in common - they were all men.

REVIEWS: Nissan 350Z • Alfa Romeo 147 GTA • Citroën C3 Pluriel •Mercedes CLK500 • Audi A4 • Daihatsu Copen CHALLENGE: The Race for the Universe James and Richard go camping with a selection of cabriolets to see which is the best. Naturally they choose the wettest place in Britain, Buttermere in Cumbria. Jeremy drives the Alpha Romeo 147 GTA and the Nissan 350Z and a Klingon, a Darlek, a Cyberman, Ming the Merciless and Darth Vader race each other around the track in a souped-up Honda Civic. Jodie Kidd shows the men how to drive the Liana - properly. MORE -LESS

We've had fusion food before,

So I pointed its nose at the road snaking out of Sheffield and up onto the moors.

and on to a top speed of 150, and I'm sure it will.

I could go very berserk at this point,

three ancillary dials, driving position's good.

When we get a British one, we'll give it to the Stig.

is one of the reasons we love these cars. That crazy British optimism.

And that's about 17,500...too much.

Why, do you think they'll think we're a pair of screaming..? Exactly. Yes.

and there's a nice cold metal ball on the gear stick.

It's a diesel! Somebody decided,

extravagant and illogical five-litre V8.

280 components just in the roof frame! And a lightning conductor.

And there's another problem.

It's quite safe, though. It's very safe. NCAP crash-test, four stars.

Seemed all right. Beetle. Would you buy one?

You may as well have a small engine. So why not have the Audi? Yes. Why take the Merc over the Audi?

My guest tonight is very, very tall and a global fashion icon.

That helps. If it's a Ferrari... I'll drive with my knees up here.

This year, I did San Francisco to Miami.

The truckers help out, don't they?

Have you driven one on a track?

So where did the love of cars come from?

I have three donkeys at home. Yes?

I'm competitive, I went round until I got a good time. Practice laps.

Very smooth...

We have. So, we set out to find the fastest Master Of The Universe.

TYRES SCREECH

Yes, indeed. Ming's on a hot bot.

Now I understand. Thought I'd chip in. Thank you, Jeremy. Incisive motoring journalism there.

Which means we have a winner. It's the Cyberman.

"My neighbour is a clot and he's ruined...

The BX has got a suspension that goes up and down.

Look at that! That! THAT is a spoiler. No, it isn't.

That's a Vauxhall Cavalier, isn't it? You can tell?

Then Volkwsagen came along with the Golf R32.

trying desperately to keep the power away from the wheels.

But that's OK because you'd have to be insane to buy one.

and I know it'll ruin you BUT if you want to be sensible - get the bus.

Off the line and predictably a huge amount of wheel spin!

No. He's through it. He was four seconds off at the halfway mark.

REVIEWS: Koenigsegg CC8S • Renault Megane • Hummer H1 • Hummer H2 CHALLENGE: Crash testing the Megane with a real driver The 655bhp Koenigsegg records the fastest straight-line speed on the Top Gear track, but can it set the fastest lap time? A Renault Mégane is crash-tested and there’s the first look at the new Aston Martin V8 Vantage. While Jeremy drives the Hummer H2, Richard drives the Talon Riot Control Vehicle… through a Portacabin. Stuart Hall extols the virtues of the Rolls Royce Silver Cloud and Neil Morrissey is this week's Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

at 112 kilometres an hour.

So, welcome, everyone, to the fastest car we've ever tested here.

It really is absolutely brutal!

If it's a lovely summer's night and you want it set up to go to the pub

It's the follow through - that's very fast!

How are you doing?

Oh, that's how, yeah, you're right. CC. There's no space for the time.

Hey! How are you? How are you?

There's perfectly good reasons. I understand why you don't like them.

As they drive past your house at 90mph and you're clipping your hedge, they go past going, "Sad BLEEP".

And going, "A bitter lemon, please, cos I'm riding my Honda SBR. " Yeah.

What do they call them in hospital? Donors? Yeah. Absolutely.

I like to go to race days. Track days?

Do you think you can beat the chef duo? I'd like to.

APPLAUSE

That's the most exciting bit for me, finding out. It's a good one.

out of sight. Mothers'll be fishing kids out of cubby holes for years!

That's like jumping off a very high wall with an adult on your back.

Now, normally, at this point, we'd just show you the crash test.

This has never been done before on a car programme.

About the speed... About the speed of a general mum going to the shops.

You'd better do that. I'll do this alone. It's one of those calls!

It's been bent out of shape here, which means the cabin has been deformed and that's where you'd be.

There are bars running along the door. All the energy goes from the front, the crash, around you.

That's basically a Rover 75. I've got it. I've got it.

Unless it's after 2001, it is a two-star car.

Whoops! How does that make you feel,

It's got a 4.3L V8 engine, rear-wheel drive,

Before we get carried away, I've spotted a few drawbacks.

double that of any other off-road car.

If someone runs into you - you're never going to know.

Can you guess what they are?

Try this anywhere else, I'd have had my head kicked in by now.

It's available here with left-hand drive for £60,000.

Unbelievably, it's worse on the road.

It's a Roman orgy, a Hawaiian barbecue, a Viennese waltz

If you concentrate REALLY hard, you can justify this thing.

Every journey is an event. I want to go into town. I'll save up and come back.

Now that is what I call a control panel -

Well, if things get really nasty, I can always just head-butt stuff.

REVIEWS: Subaru Impreza • Mitsubishi Evo VIII • Vauxhall VX220 Turbo • Peugeot 206 GTI CHALLENGE: Land speed record for caravan towing The Mitsubishi Evo VIII and the Subaru Impreza WRX STi Type UK are compared, but which will Jeremy prefer? James is given the task of setting a new land speed record for a car towing a caravan. The Peugeot 206GTi and the Vauxhall VX 220 turbo are tested and Pink Floyd drummer, Nick Mason, states his case for the greatest car of all time. Richard drives the Palmer Jaguar at a track day and Richard Whiteley is the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

Sometimes you know, this job is very, VERY good.

These cars should be called the Mitsubishi Did You Spill My Pint?

Ooh, I can't give you an answer now.

This is the tweet one, remember. And... Oh dear.

I have the times here. The Impreza did it in one minute 30.1,

Whenever I go to a dinner party the person next to me always says, "Please sit somewhere else".

is to leave civilised roads - and let's be honest, civilised road behaviour - behind.

That takes serious effort. You have ruined it!

Ooh! I might have overcooked that.

# You shook me to the core... #

They're doing a V6 in the S-type, and a four cylinder in the X-type. Which has nothing to do with Ford.

and they cancelled that as they'd spent their money on the diesel.

Look! There's a way to go before it becomes a viable family car.

We decided to set the new boy, James, a task.

This is our caravan. It may not be aerodynamically modified in any way.

Our first run, to test things out.

One of the strangest things about being over 40

Educated at Cambridge. Wooh!

Wooden steering wheel. 1973. Beautiful things.

a priceless collection of arms and armour...

Whoosh, it was gone. It was nicked? It was nicked.

It's mini.

We can play the music while you work this out.

Here we go...

This time the cross winds have built up. The caravan starts to fishtail.

It's just been bought by somebody quite famous. Do you want to guess?

It's never overtaken anyone. That's what passengers are for. His dog ate it. She did.

It's funny, it's the way of the cool wall.

The Kristen Scott Thomas test. Picture her outside her apartment in that. She'll get in. No.

They're holding onto cars so they can save money on buying cars.

are worth a bit less. It's ridiculous.

Vauxhaull have sold 1,000 of these VX220s.

You'll note the new spoiler on the back and its smart new wheels.

It has the same simple roof as the Elise, same basic chassis

I drove an Elise round this track in the last series,

Lotus has responded to this car with a 190 Elise that we saw earlier in the programme,

In the first sector this car was level-pegging with the BMW.

Do you know something - who'd like to see that again?

REVIEWS: Porsche 911 Turbo • Ford Street Ka •James May on TR6 • Renault Clio V6 CHALLENGE: Rally pit crew vs. women getting ready for a night out In an episode dedicated to "blokeishness", James drives a Triumph TR6 - a ‘man’s convertible’, the Porsche 911 C4S is compared to the 911 turbo version and Jeremy tries the Renault Clio V6 - the “ultimate bloke hatchback”. Richard meets Richard Lynne, who has a car in his kitchen. Also, can the Ford rally team mechanics change the suspension, gearbox, brakes, differential, driveshaft and clutch of a rally car, more quickly than four women can get ready for a night out? The Land Rover is Richard's choice as the greatest car of all time and Anne Robinson shows off her brand new head as the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

With the 911 Turbo, it lulls you into a false sense of security.

All the looks, but without the 18th century killer plumbing.

why pay more for a fake?

I designed it there. I sketched it out on cardboard on the floor.

But I've got the safety wedge out.

You can see where this is going, can't you?

Warm and dry, the house. Brilliant.

There was, but unlike the car, the wife did fit through the door!

Don't you think anyone who's ever owned a red Ferrari is a plonker?

Don't you find the really joyful thing about both the cars

We've got these books here.

That's a silly question. Never. Why do you think we don't?

and she says, "Take the second turning on the left. "

I mean, what guys should do if they want to pull is go out with a guy

TT. Well, don't be picky with me!

Well, it's better than cycling, but, you know. Yeah.

He's the maddest driver I've seen! I want to go round again now.

Causes the hazard lights to flash and has a loud voice saying,

and making it smaller. Those hours spent on origami weren't wasted!

I think it's all of these folding convertibles. You know the Peugeot 206CC?

That's true. I'm actually the only bloke on this show.

So they gave the job to some Germans.

Good job they didn't give it to a Frenchman, eh? We'd all have handbags by now.

in less time than it takes a group of women to get ready.

So this is properly scientific. If everybody's ready - on you go.

Uh...

Look - a place for everything and everything in its place.

So the rally team got the car changed in? 27 minutes. 27 minutes.

Have you ever seen such an amazingly funky little car?

But in this, they've fitted a carry cot for your baby.

the lever to adjust the seat is down here.

It'll do 155mph

We know it has high levels of grip, but what happens if you exceed them?

♪ Well you don't have to say you love me, baby... ♪

What impresses me is you found that limit and you went beyond it.

He did it in 1m36.2s.

REVIEWS: Jaguar R Coupe • Jaguar XKR-R • Aston Martin DB7 GT CHALLENGE: How far can you drive until you become bored in a Mark 3 Jaguar XJR A look at the iconic Jaguar MKII, the first car ever to have disc brakes and a badge on the back to warn drivers that it stopped quickly. There's a look at possible Jaguars of the future with the R Coupe concept car, whilst James drives the C Type Jaguar. Jeremy drives the Aston Martin DB7 GT and the Jaguar XKRR.A.A. Gill champions the London taxi as the greatest car of all time and bumbling Boris Johnson is the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

Stuart Daniels, Camden County police officer.

I'm a free American.

Remember when your new episodes are out with TVShow Time for iPhone and Android

Go on with your gardening, baby.

Folks, folks, please don't encourage her.

We sat on the fifth row.

356, 240 occurred approximately 15 minutes ago.

Stop, that's my car !

All the broken glass seems to be on the outside.

and spread your legs.

I haven't called it in yet, you know,

Oh, God ! I skinned my pecker !

Firemen tried to get him down with a ladder,

* Bad boys, what you get is what you see *

REVIEWS: Volkswagen Touareg • Lexus SC430 • Hyundai Coupe • BMW Z8 • Perodua Kelisa CHALLENGE: Country with fastest supercar David Soul was the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car and tried to break as many Liana’s as possible. He managed an impressive tally of two. Richard drives the Lexus SC430 and Jeremy drives the Volkswagen Touareg and wonders if it is really worth £50,000. A Jaguar XJS gets a little power boost from a nitros kit and James drives the Perodua Kelisa. Jeremy drives the BMW Z8 Alpina, a car that suffers because Ronan Keating owns one. MORE -LESS

That means no more than 19 miles to the gallon.

I'd the choice of teeth out, or carrots down the shirt.

50! £50,000 for this!

The Vauxhall VX 220 is a fine car in every way. Go on! Out!

He's interested in his engine! LAUGHTER

I mean, just look at this wood!

It's a dreadful compromise.

You don't, do you? I do. I don't like that ready modified look.

Is that turbo? No, it's normally aspirated.

We've waited for this since it was at the Paris Motor Show in 2000.

Why? Dunno. Mahogany crank shaft?!

That was it. "You're banned, you'll never drive another Bristol. "

manufacturers and importers will sell a car to themselves

They couldn't say, "Send them back to Japan. "

I presume there's more to pay after that. Yes.

From France, the only supercar they build, the Venturi Atlantique.

The Jaguar was rubbish! Yes!

I remember that from somewhere.

Really? Yeah. That's what I called it.

The first year, it didn't do too well.

A terrible car. Well, I won't tell you what happened then!

A bit violent with the gear box

He said you were as good as JK and were up for beating him.

Per-rod-ula? No.

There was a time when Britain's cheapest motor was truly horrible.

I wasn't expecting more and I wasn't expecting entertainment.

OK, it's not a Ferrari, but James, I'm with you on this one.

OK, you. Right?

All we have to do - I've already started -

Right.

The system can deliver up to 500Hp extra. Over and above? That's right.

For this run the nitrous will give our old heap an extra 200Hp -

Thanks, Richard. I have good news. My trousers are finished.

It turned out to be awful. Let me show you what it was like to drive.

But, before it goes to the dusty vaults of history, a German company

After much careful deliberation, the simple answer is no.

If Alpina haven't made it handle any better, what have they done?

The sort of person who wants to dawdle along, top down with a burble from the exhaust

Just thought you ought to know.

MUSIC: "Don't Give On Us" by David Soul

Well, you won't believe the time he did it in. One minute, 29 seconds.

REVIEWS: Rolls-Royce Phantom • Rover P5 • BMW M3 • Audi S4 CHALLENGE: Fastest political party Jeremy drives the new Rolls Royce and there’s a nostalgic look at the Rover P5, including one owned by the Queen. Jamie Oliver tries his luck in the Liana as the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car, he also tries to prepare a salad in his camper van, whilst being driven around the track by the Stig. On the track, politicians representing the main political parties, as well as some less well-established parties try to become the fastest political party. MORE -LESS

Rolls Royce is making a big deal about this. Not sure why cos you get it...

Now, for 80 years that hasn't really been the case.

It's British steel, British designed,

The British and Germans do good stuff. The new Mini? Yep.

You can't have a luxury caravan, can you? No.

James Tarbuck, not a chance.

The Ferrari Enzo? Mmm. Three of these sold in this country so far.

No, that's uncool! There's a man here I happen to know has an A3.

From the Official Monster Raving Loony Party... Hooray! Whoo!

It's the Thames. Get buses off the road and make them go on the river.

Another member, when they see that they think, "They look nice, "

The Queen of England

"Gentleman's club on wheels"

but it took 17 seconds to get there.

Rover P5B coupe is the one to go for if you're buying one today.

When you're used to cold baths and cross-country runs, a Rover P5 must've been a welcome sight.

Several - oh, God, lately, yeah! Tell the nice people what happened.

Having a scooter is better than your car. It's a bit cold and wet.

Seriously. I'm sorry to have to do this... We rang your restaurant

You know what I did? I phoned and pretended to be you,

What have you done to that? I've kept it pretty original,

You're not here just to fool around on our track with your Maserati.

Your window's down! You won't beat Gordon, cos he had his window up!

You can use it every day, OR take it to a track. It'll set your trousers on fire.

They've given it more doors than the BMW and more grip,

and two more cylinders,

Right, first up, the BMW. 343 HP, rear-wheel drive, 160kg lighter

A seriously quick car - fantastic V8 engine, almost as good as the BMW's.

and said, "Slow him down, I can't keep up! " They're very good in the wet AND dry.

CLOCK CHIMES

Things are probably coming up faster for him.

Uh-oh. It looks like the Green Party's about to have a big impact on the environment.

Now, just before you write in to complain, there was a bit of a brouhaha following that.

REVIEWS: Smart Roadster • Volkswagen Beetle Cabriolet • Bowler Wildcat • Bentley T2 CHALLENGE: Drag racer jet engine incinerates Nissan Sunny In the seemingly never-ending quest to destroy as many caravans as possible, Richard uses a drag racer to rid the roads of Britain of yet another one. A Nissan Sunny - the car Richard hates more than any other is also destroyed in the same manner. James May makes his first appearance on 'new' top Gear: he shows us his Bentley T2 and tells us why it’s a nightmare to own. Richard Drives the Bowler Wildcat and declares himself: “a driving god!” The Smart Roadster and the McLaren F1 are also featured.Vinnie Jones in the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car MORE -LESS

If it's to have any street cred, it has to work out here.

I like the styling, the interior, the traction control, the CD player.

to replace those plastic body panels if you crash.

It's OK if you've got a handful of roast potatoes to carry around,

It's made in France!

That still has Hugh Grant as a gearbox.

Seriously! Look, there's a man in the car,

Anyway, he said 80% of these are going to be sold to women.

It is very much not a car for a bloke. But it is a cool car.

It's this, the Top Gear Love & Hate board. The Love section's full.

thing - I hesitate even to call it an abomination.

The men were men and in the wall they stood like that.

It is five seconds, isn't it? Yeah. I ran on and it was like a minute.

We'll look out for him. You're over in America a lot these days.

him up the motorway.

Do the garden, mate! Yes!

It is a Suzuki Liana. It's not a fast car.

Three! 53! You're in there faster than Ross Kemp.

One day, probably in the dentist, you'll leaf idly through the small ads in the back of a classic car magazine.

This is a good'un. It cost ?14,000, the parts are genuine,

I'd expect the wipers to be here but it's the gear stick.

Right then, a Bentley for Mondeo money.

Servicing only costs the same as it does for a mid-size BMW,

Well... Which doesn't do this.

It's a 206, it's a GTi, it's 138bhp, slightly less powerful,

If you already have a small car, get a small dog like one of those mutants that come third at Crufts.

I quite like those cars, actually.

so it will be competing with the Ferrari 360.

They want to prove this is their shape so they can copyright it.

This is our cheap thrills show - this isn't a Ferrari.

Wanted by the Italians, he still survives as a soldier of fortune.

An Aston Martin DB7 will go from 0-60mph in 4.9 seconds.

Instead of a heavy chassis, they use a raised-car style space frame that takes three weeks to weld.

But think about it - a lot of manufacturers claim to have

What does it do to your insides? I dislodged a lung in Italy.

More than that, it's a supercar that's virtually indestructible.

But I do know someone who is a driving god.