Our Cartoon President

It's Election Day and everyone - candidates, supporters, news media, even Cartoon Vladimir Putin - is gearing up to find out who will be the next Our Cartoon President. Will it be Cartoon Donald Trump or Cartoon Joe Biden? Either way, everything is about to change forever.

Cartoon Chuck Schumer and Cartoon Nancy Pelosi try to avoid the responsibilities of governing by sabotaging their own party's electoral chances when it appears the Democrats are likely to win control of Congress. Meanwhile, bombarded by reporters asking whether she supports the president, Cartoon Susan Collins flees to her home state of Maine to lead a life of zero accountability—until Cartoon Brett Kavanaugh foils her plan. MORE -LESS

With a restless nation turning against him, Cartoon Trump declares war on the invisible enemy COVID-19 and exploits the benefits of a wartime Presidency. Meanwhile, Cartoon CNN’s Chris Cuomo asks his respected colleague Cartoon Jake Tapper to teach him how to be a serious newsman, much to the dismay of Cuomo's fun-loving brother, Cartoon Governor Andrew Cuomo. MORE -LESS

After Cartoon Joe Biden delivers a string of problematic speeches, Cartoon Chuck Schumer and Cartoon Nancy Pelosi trap him on an Amtrak train to nowhere. Meanwhile, Cartoon Donald Trump Jr. tries to impress his father by digging up dirt on Cartoon Hunter Biden, but feelings interfere when Cartoon Don Jr. gets too close to his target.

After Cartoon Joe Biden's record comes under scrutiny, Cartoon Kamala Harris must publicly forgive him for his problematic past, even if it tarnishes her own record in the process. Meanwhile, as Cartoon Mike Pence prepares for the imminent Vice Presidential debate, he struggles with the moral dilemma of studying intimate details of a woman who is not his wife. MORE -LESS

for reproductive rights in this country?

It's like Biden's a hand grenade she refuses to jump on

Political analysts can't find any other

If Mike Pence wants to keep his job,

his every indiscretion and policy failure!

Oh, I could never eat these!

Word on the street is, if you mess up this debate,

We gotta get things back to normal times,

for a way to communicate my deeply held feelings

What the hell are we doing here? I thought you weren't allowed

Until, finally, we channel all of our resentment

A president can be as problematic as he wants...

of black UPS drivers feel okay about voting for me.

you're gonna have to defend him to anyone

Chuck and Nancy said when it comes

- surely they can. - Wow.

for all of his past mistakes.

like a kid racing through a wheat field.

I checked you in under my regular alias,

Can you believe 10 years ago this week

but get ready to feel like you can't go on

_

It really brings out her scalp part.

Hammers! Give me hammers!

for Joe Biden's mistakes?

when she was still in Girl Scouts.

She won't be cozying up to all those credit card companies

Our nation's glory holes are in imminent danger!

Did you see those polls today?

It feels so good for women in politics

who makes industrial-grade white noise machines.

Couldn't have done it without your help, Rudy.

You put party before yourself,

But I even said there are very fine people

and this collage is the only way I could study Kamala...

Perhaps we can add my studies of the VP as,

Whether we run on our own record or someone else's,

to push an issue that has long been ignored.

It robs the act of all eroticism

Breaking news... Nikki Haley was seen

which is the reelection of TV's Donald Trump.

and bury their nose in your hair.

- poured into one loud guy. - Doy!

I happen to have a half-dozen binders

so they keep their shape through winter.

during a December-to-Remember sale.

for not getting their kids to homeroom on time.

but when you do, boo me for my own record.

Last chance, Lord, tell me what to do,

With the first Presidential debate looming, Cartoon Trump must learn to behave like a civilized human being with the help of Cartoon Kellyanne Conway and Cartoon Mitch McConnell. Meanwhile, Cartoon Jill Biden teaches the gaffe-prone Cartoon Joe Biden how to think before he speaks.

Feeling overshadowed by the idolized Cartoon Bernie Sanders and Cartoon Barack Obama, Cartoon Joe Biden sets out to earn his place as the face of the Democratic Party. Meanwhile, Cartoon Don Jr. and Cartoon Eric Trump try to develop a miracle cure for coronavirus with the help of Cartoon MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.

With the pandemic ravaging the country and his reelection in jeopardy, Cartoon Trump launches a propaganda campaign to convince America he's got the crisis under control. Meanwhile, after social distancing guidelines force  Cartoon Joe Biden out of the spotlight and into his basement, he enlists  Cartoon Barack Obama to help him recapture his former glory. MORE -LESS

After a fake news story spreads on Facebook that threatens Cartoon Elizabeth Warren’s campaign, she vows to hold cartoon tech giant Mark Zuckerberg accountable.

After Cartoon Michael Bloomberg’s campaign stumbles, he enlists Cartoon Hillary Clinton to take up the billionaire cause and launch a run for president. Meanwhile, Cartoon Kellyanne Conway and Cartoon Larry Kudlow grow tired of defending the president’s insanity and enlist Cartoon Elon Musk to create an Oval Office simulator to distract Cartoon Trump. MORE -LESS

Watch where you're going, billionaire!

Kellyanne Conway and Larry Kudlow.

Then, how do you respond to this?

Peep the shock collar. No problem, I'll head aroun...

I'm much happier spending the rest of my life

Imagine if we could go on television

because I just had my most grounded and rational idea yet.

Sometimes, we took a break

But all of us who stood in line for four hours

That's what mine sounds like!

named Lakelynne White, who opens a small, diverse hedge-fund.

I pause for a few seconds then say, "Interesting"?

It's time we brace ourselves

Because I'm running for President!

walking behind me when the sidewalk gets too narrow,

You can do whatever you want to each other!

You can say "Bye, Felicia" to defending him on television.

my 70-year-old knuckles on a million doors, or...?

They gave you the Nobel Prize for it.

Only the coolest White House mascot on Earth!

and because you only booked a two-bedroom

"A lot of teens are watching The C-W...

received a public apology from Bette Midler,

between the Kurds and the Turks!

As has been long-rumored and instinctually feared,

I'll start drafting my passive-aggressive endorsement.

Hillary Clinton seems to be alienating

Eh, since the President hasn't said or done

Billionaires buying my influence

Thank you, Mother! I knew you'd always be there for...

Tapper, baby, wassup, man?

I am so politically toxic, Simon & Schuster said

Please refrain from revealing we all know each other socially.

I'm the billionaire shill, Warren's the pissy mom,

Pretend he's scolding you!

Perhaps the President is out to sea,

Is this seat bought by the oligarchal class?

Maybe people would've liked me

you need to come out of the Oval Office

where everything I say goes.

Chelsea? It's Hillary Rodham Clinton.

From now on, I'll stick to elevating your image,

No bars! Can't tweet!

I have to insult Hillary!

After Cartoon Trump sees Fox News giving airtime to Democrats, he ends their relationship and sets out to find a new media arm to spread his propaganda. Meanwhile, Cartoon Bernie Sanders witnesses his rival candidates co-opting his message and sets out to hold them to their left wing promises.

I say and do whatever I want, and they tell me I'm great.

attempting to improve their lives.

[jazz scatting]

Let me guess... you also got that jacket

through my heart. Tremendous!

Fox News and I will get through this.

[twinkling]

I think we should downsize anyway.

will squirt out of your nose like soft serve."

for extorting foreign governments

[sighs] Jane, I am okay with my opponents jacking my swag,

[President Trump] Are you almost ready?

Mr. President, we are so sorry we stood you up.

Of course. I will fight to my last breath

And the question is, do they believe in these policies

[♪♪♪]

No, I'm busy. I'm hearing about Pompeo's nuclear whatever.

Or passing along debate questions

Hey, look at me. I see you. You're the President.

Good morning, Doctor Sanders... Senator Sanders.

And you know what? I'm tossing in here

if he's got a chunky aunt for me to go nuts on?

Hello? Young man?

[click, dial tone]

♪ Dramatic music soaring ♪

[producer] This is fucked up. We're on in three, two, one!

We spit lefty nonsense, then once we win the primary,

Paid for by Americans for Good Americans Like You

that each candidate will receive

I want to watch CNN even when I'm not on it.

Get a new line, you dog!

- Everyone looks hot tonight! - What the hell?!

Oh, and get him!

I saw a dog and said, "He should run Congress."

Did you see how every time Biden said a talking point,

Let me out here. [brakes squeal]

God damn it!

Kim Jong-un escalating tensions with the U.S.

[♪♪♪]

or demonize an entire race...

to the middle of nowhere fast?

It's not every day that a president finds a network

stoking nationalistic paranoia overseas.

So now, I want the party to move so far left

which is romantic even for a solo traveler.

[President Trump] Wait! Stop the boat or plane or whatever!

[Schumer] Are we sure we should expel Bernie from the caucus?

in the emergency-room lobby, begging to see a doctor!

Fearing massive Democratic voter turnout, Cartoon Trump, with the help of Cartoon “Moscow” Mitch McConnell, guts election security measures, leaving the door wide open for Russian interference. Meanwhile, Cartoon Pete Buttigieg struggles to keep his campaign viable after the scandalous revelation that he’s only the mayor of South Bend, Indiana.

Hello! I also served in Afghanistan

make it seem like there's not a Pizza Hut just out of frame?

But if voters focus on the mayor thing,

Don't worry. We can still count on the Electoral College

Hey, Joe, I was hoping for some advice,

You'll be fine as long as you don't tell anyone

He had to rub it in that the Kohl's deal fell through.

don't ask these quiet statue guys for help.

I'll collude with the Russians again,

Say hello to your new Election Security Task Force!

a fleece jacket with a logo on the breast.

so inconceivable that I hesitate to give them a name.

I have not had mayoral relations with that city.

if I stop inviting her sisters to go dancing.

set up some cameras in her tanning bed?

but the heart of the American people wants what it wants.

- and completely responsible. - We are true animals!

if drinking half a beer a year means she has a problem.

That is so alpha! You're my best friend.

And the Republican-authored

but it's got the word "security" in the title,

to an undisclosed Caribbean island,

But I really wanted the Democrats to try.

A little place a friend left me in his will.

so you can't provide the island's coordinates

and me, a scrappy orphan from Brooklyn

I chose the fabric, Ben chose the font,

First higher third in the history of the news.

I bailed. But I kept my eyes closed on the way down

and I really can't be dogged by any Clinton stuff.

- Aah! - Oh, hey.

My purpose is to secure Republican power

So I give Mary Lou Retton a good solid jolt to the ribs

Yeah, we don't have to pay attention.

"candidate" was misspelled in the prompter.

Hey, you should make the presidential race

I guess you're angry that I'm trying to deny

by weaving into our Constitution a great tapestry of rules,

The choice is yours.

I didn't see anything and, even if I did, I'd never talk.

Thanks. Do you think people will look past all of my deception?

Nice touch to have the monitors replay

..has been elected President...

Ah, your beauty is wasted on them, Mitch.

After Cartoon Trump discovers that an impending economic downturn threatens his re-election chances, he and his sons Cartoon Don Jr. and Cartoon Eric must con the country into believing the economy has never been stronger. Meanwhile, a gaffe-prone Cartoon Joe Biden solicits help from Cartoon Ocasio-Cortez to help him appear “with it.”

is just a coinci... Aah!

is vacancies at overpriced ratholes!

Everything's gonna be fine.

♪ Come on, everybody, from Nevada to Maine ♪

- Who's Brad? Are you Brad? - No.

Money isn't everything. It's not gonna make you happy.

They really like money.

in the same conversation!

to show America that I'm more with it than ever!

Because of the economy, Slerve canceled the hunting trip!

gnaw on chrome chandeliers has disappeared!

Wow! If that's not a good sign, I don't know what is!

Alright. How do we show Americans

Uh, I have a non-costume, non-murder idea.

I just bought a Rolls-Royce, brand-name toothpaste,

Oh, how I've longed for the day you'd say that!

I need your help appearing "with it"!

They think I'm one of those big dolls you put on your porch

Do you expect us to believe that he's been hired to do just that?

It's one of those dolls that scares trick-or-treaters.

He was a bad mama-jamma, old Shug.

I bet America added so many jobs

Crap. There's people of color!

You know what I mean, folks?

from Palm Beach to West Palm Beach.

The Chinese bought the field

This is America! Come on!

Sugarpuff is eight years old.

Immediately inject the banks

And, by the way, no one cares about these Epstein flight logs.

And to make this day even more disturbing,

to a five-bedroom, six-bath in Scarsdale!

He's got a theater in his basement.

I just pray the economy is merciful and doesn't destroy

I'm not tellin'! You'd forget them anyway!

Well, then you'll have to learn it again in a new way.

The only way to atone to them

Bill, I'm screwed!

Your mortality is why people like you.

in our California king-sized tanning beds.

and economic doom.

It's okay. Thanks for... trying to grow.

And over the past decade,

Wow! Look at this, huh?

Eric, it's the job you were born to do.

who refuses to obey the demands of time.

After the House of Representatives impeaches Cartoon Trump, he teams up with Cartoon Sean Hannity to convince the nation he's been wrongly accused. Meanwhile, Cartoon Elizabeth Warren worries her wonky approach won't connect with Iowa voters and severely dumbs down her campaign with the help of Cartoon Brian Kilmeade, Cartoon Chris Cuomo, and Cartoon Joe Kennedy III. Season premiere MORE -LESS

"Our Cartoon President".

you could describe in one sentence?

You don't think we thought about the bill?

This is going to be a great year.

We can slam this thing on the I.T. guy's head

You, with the USB drive, get over here!

God, I'm so jazzed!

Anything else I can do besides keep you out of prison?

It's a glorious sight.

Maybe they just need someone who'll speak to them

Can I have money for a jawbreaker?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

The Dodd-Frank Act provided an oversight mandate

Bar's driving through a tunnel.

I have what it takes to pull this off.

I thought it was yellow pancakes.

I'm bad at it. Were you not listening?!

- Nope. - Can you hold your head

about a man wrongly accused.

Thank goodness Chris Cuomo beat down the door.

Uh-oh, tough question made my brain spring a leak!

Tonight, for the first time, we hear his side of the story.

is being held hostage by Adam Schiff,

except for Germany.

to say my last name and shut my handsome face.

Hi, do you carry My Struggle: A Story of Hope

♪ Of the President asking for an illegal favor ♪

That was a big deposit, Brian.

"Dear Sean, Put this book on your hat

with the help of my talking truck.

♪ If he could do anything ♪

Evidence you pressured Ukraine to spy on Biden

Okay, everyone, please don't leave your mess here.

Uh, um, it's a complicated issue.

for the impeachment trial of the President.

Oh, hey, I think Karen was looking for you.

I got embarrassed by Chuck Todd.

Donald J. Trump!

inappropriately moved to a highly classified server...

and say my resignation leads to the end of mankind.

I've just been calling Republicans

Or they're the basis for an entire political dynasty.

The defense will now make their case.

Would the attorney for Mr. Trump

Greetings, people of 2020.

that the Senate Republicans have the majority.