Marlon

Marlon goes all out for his 43rd birthday and decides to throw himself a funeral party after attending his barber's funeral. Everyone speaks at Marlon's party, talking about all the insensitive jokes he made at their expense. This makes Marlon worry that he is too harsh on everyone. They reassure him that they love him and know that even when he is making fun of them it's because he cares. MORE -LESS

My favorite party was the White People party,

White people crazy, man.

We all we got! We CMB!

I'm sorry, Pops.

I got you, you slicky-slickies.

There's no surprise party?

This is worse than the Father's Day

Oh, no, no, don't do me no favors.

Man, see, that's a good brother.

I'm so glad I got my haircut today.

His kids ran to him

They don't even care about my birthday.

I got it.

Told y'all about shushing me. Don't be shushing me.

Marlon, this is the most ridiculous birthday party

♪ Wayne ♪

Ah, Sister Veronica,

We could barely close the casket, you know?

Cha-ching! Pow!

Oh, I... I see somebody's upset,

Now I'd like to open the floor

Won't you say appreci... ♪ ation ♪

I was married to Marlon Wayne for 16 years.

That, or he'd say I was too light-skinned,

Here's a few of my favorites:

Okay, okay, now... now... now get to the good stuff, huh?

every day for the next 16 years.

But what else can I say about Marlon?

he's not here to defend himself,

Wait, did these bastards just say I'm going to hell

That's not how it went down at Frankie's funeral.

I don't know what just happened back there.

The same lunatic who would throw a damn funeral

I don't know, Ash.

I know.

I... I don't mean old-school,

And, Zack, what did you say when I offered to give your dad

"Three steps is not a travel.

You lost weight. I see you.

Marlon clowning all your dates

and only pooed at your house.

was one of the saddest nights of my life...

it'll be like we're still married."

because you always make me laugh.

What would I do without you guys?

♪ On the rough side ♪

Marlon crashes career day at Zack's school so he can tell the kids about non-traditional careers like his own, but when the students misunderstand his advice and their parents get upset, Marlon must make things right.

a loan officer, orthodontist, a paralegal,

when you give him a dollar.

Zack and I will be in the car.

but let's just agree to disagree.

I did not see that coming.

How's that for a career?

Marlon Wayne!

You need a drink after work to calm you down.

till it makes that "boop" noise when you put it back down.

Yes, you had your mistress meet you down there.

and then they push you out the car on your lawn

I'm here to tell you about

Jesus Christ.

Hey, man. This ain't a duet.

I don't know what the hell it is either.

and I drive a Range Rover.

Nah.

- if you keep on interrupting me. - Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne.

and, as God is my witness,

Sorry, it's my workout playlist.

Ah, they couldn't touch me in there.

you didn't tell me it was for the worst swingers party ever.

Rest assured we've got some Pinkberry

That little speech of yours

and kudos to you for bringing back the word pecker.

They look like someone put some laces

♪ And my stacks getting bigger ♪

Don't look at me for the rest of the night.

Well, congratulations.

Come on. Come on, y'all.

My granddaddy ain't nothing.

I was paraphrasing.

They were trending at the time.

before you got your next check.

And...

3/8 of all the people I know don't even use fractions.

But that's what Zack heard.

All right, my little YouTube star.

I wanna do a cool version of that.

Are you throwing shade at mac and cheese?

- Was overrated. - Whoa, hey.

You trying to get us killed? Sorry.

I hear copters. They flying Solange in.

I mean, geez, this brother won an Oscar.

Whoa.

Marlon wants Marley to get her driver's license, but when he finds out that she's scared of driving, Marlon shows her how to face her fears by facing one of his own; meanwhile, Stevie helps Yvette boost her low passenger rating on a ride-hailing app.

You know, Marley's not alone.

I went down to the DMV, I got my license,

when you was 19 years old.

She should be driving herself to school.

Yeah, Marlon, I don't mind driving her around.

with Turbo, Kelly, and Ozone.

What is that noise?

Lean all the way back. Yeah, now I'm feeling myself.

He wasn't drunk. He was high.

at somebody that's trying to cut you off.

And, you get to help the homeless at the same time.

trying to cut you off, and you're like, I see you.

You hear that?

Listen, remember, it's only illegal if you get caught.

three car lengths behind the car in front of you.

Okay. Stevie, I have to get my score up.

Y'all breath is making it humid in here.

See? I'm easy like Sunday morning.

Wait, you... you... you flunked?

Sbarro's pizza is for losers, okay?

Ashley, now, I wanna say that this is racially biased,

- Not... - The Guilt Triple.

to the questions on that test.

And throwing the test was my only way out of it.

Listen, Marley, when things scare you,

I don't wanna drive, Daddy. I'm sorry.

And you passed up a teachable moment?

This time in the car is the only time I have left

I have to prove to you both

Do not throw up in my Toyota Camry.

You'll remain calm. You'll do nothing.

Because I brought your little ass here, okay?

that I can push through my fears.

Okay? Conquering a fear.

You seen that? He almost bit my hand off.

I'm onto you, brother. I'm on to you.

- Remember, you got this. - We're gonna do this.

Hold me.

You know, you know, uh, you gotta play it cool.

- I'm proud of you, Daddy. - Thank you, baby girl.

and I want you to push through and conquer your fears.

Marlon, Stevie, Yvette and Ashley all attend homecoming weekend at Howell University. Stevie is determined to join the independent fraternity that Marlon created because Stevie was always blocked from membership as an undergrad. Ashley and Yvette get caught up with a couple of young co-eds.

- Mm. - Marlon always had my back.

And missing the "Frasier" finale.

my grades was a little bit subpar, per Se.

Okay.

Pastor Granddaddy if he sent me here.

Remember why we called you Itchy Eddie?

- Marlon still got jokes, man! - Yeah, man!

I own my own trucking company.

I'll catch you later, dog!

Hey, hold up. I thought we was pledging five.

No relation, by the way.

just sitting there like this.

And Eddie and Dwayne are not gonna take it easy

- I'm finally gonna be a Cow. - Stevie...

Moo-moo!

'Cause we about to break you down.

Look at this new meat right here!

You smell like clothes that you didn't finish drying

after he committed a lot of crimes

Who are you, Cornell East?

What are you, cake batter?

He did! You two kept blocking me!

Now, we all agreed. You were never Cow material.

so I gotta admit it" true?

You was soft and corny.

You still wear superhero underwear!

When we get back to LA, I'm moving out.

From here on out, it's gonna be pure hell.

Hands behind your back.

have already been sent off to the pasture.

Hey.

Your whole frat is Snapchatting

Come on, you knew Stevie back in the day, Ashley.

When your grandmother was sick,

he got speeding tickets in six states.

Now, maybe I'm wrong AF.

girl, y'all look like T-L-Senile.

I need to talk to you!

like your contractions are two minutes apart.

Yeah, one hit with that paddle, and you was ready

but you had a body like a wounded orangutan!

We didn't fit in anywhere.

My point is, this man is a lot stronger

ain't got no fighting skills.

If anybody deserves to be in this brotherhood,

Marlon and Stevie see Yvette's fiancé, Demetrius, cheating on her and they disagree whether or not they should tell her. Marlon refuses, claiming they can't break the "man code." Ashley deals with Yvette's new relationship by turning to numerous hobbies. Yvette discovers what is going on and breaks up with Demetrius after he and Marlon get into a fight at her engagement party. MORE -LESS

And if Lonzo Ball is playing Steph Curry,

I'd love to.

Both: Mm.

Look like you was employee of the month at Best Buy.

Hey, now, look, don't be jealous, Marlon.

I know them steroids make you crazy.

There ain't no telling what she's gonna turn into.

It was a rhetorical question.

Oh, look, there's Demetrius.

Uh...

I should go over there and give him a piece of my...

Loyal fans. Faithful fans.

I ain't seen nothing. Look.

Stevie.

you should shut up and mind your business.

Okay, what if Marley was married?

See, that's my family.

I had a Groupon for half off at the batting cages.

Lies.

If you wanna ignore my feelings, fine,

They into crazy stuff like that.

We're moving next Friday!

Let me see this ring.

Relax.

Brrrat!

And then in the winter,

You gotta wake up to the same face

Why are you being so mean?

and Marlon wants to spare no expense.

Look...

Um, I'm moving to New York with my love

Your babies are my little angels.

Hey, D.

with little your friend, you know what I'm saying?

and then you even had my ass up in a hot air balloon.

- I love you. - Aw.

You gonna... you gonna...

I breathe you in, boy. I breathe you in, boy.

your grandma, may she rest in peace.

You don't want... I smell... Oh.

I'll clinch mine too. Huh, you think you so tough?

Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

and your triceps is like, all triceptical and stuff.

Get a little protein. Get some protein in me.

Oh, don't let me get the dark liquor...

Promise me you'll call me every day.

I should have never told that boy my game plan.

Marlon decides to buy the house he has been renting since the separation. While prepping for the sale Marlon and Ashley decide that they no longer have to follow the politics of marriage and tell white lies to keep each other happy. They can be totally honest with each other.. "Keep It 100." Yvette and Stevie get involved and the plan eventually backfires when they realize you can be too honest. They all agree to keep it a balmy "77" with a slight breeze. MORE -LESS

Sorry. It was good.

once Marlon redecorates.

She's a professional designer, Marlon.

Mm, girl, I'm so thankful."

my way through the entire thing.

Threesome Marlon.

"on good wood and countertops?

but you can't keep it really, really real.

A little too real.

You know what?

Maybe you should've texted her from the car.

Ashley, it looks like your vision board just...

Remember, no more politics.

there's just a few little things

Everything.

And this is when you get off,

like you walk in, and corny theme songs

I'm good. It's good.

Your "brah" stank.

Becky with the bad breath.

in a way that I couldn't when we were married.

You never held back anything?

I'll admit it. That did feel kind of good.

We don't have time to be playing no games.

and I want you and the entire HOA

because Marlon sure doesn't.

Nope.

Hun'e. We should try that.

you have just earned yourself hot tub privileges.

I know... help you. Her favorite one is called

I just scrub through till the end

My girl is keeping it two hun'e!

Thin skin never wins.

Oh, Stevie!

It's just not a word!

He a lie. And how dare you talk about me

what you say about her to her face.

Uh, those are my Miracle-Ears

Well, you always stretch out

Don't sleep on the Queen of Nice here, Stevie.

You specifically said

You know what? Since we're keeping it 100,

See, you grin, you're in.

Marlon and Ashley go to see strong-willed relationship therapist Kamala to help stabilize their rocky divorce. When Marlon exposes Kamala as a fraud, he ends up experiencing a breakthrough and realizes he should try and change his ways. Stevie gives Yvette an intense massage.

You know, Ashley, I'd offer to help,

"Moonlighting"?

Oh!

whose life partner runs on AAA batteries...

and he helps me out in a lot of ways.

a very important stack of mail, and he mailed it for me.

Come on, Ash.

Baby girl, I been watching the same show for years.

I felt so bad after subjecting you

with an expensive gift.

Damn you, troll.

although, maybe they should have.

that's on Oprah's "SuperSoul Sunday."

Ash, you should know me by now.

I feel like we're sliding back into old habits.

You tried to dab and got stuck?

"Power of the Pen!"

Marlon, listen.

- for Zack for the beach... - Oh, oh, really?

- He got a zombie toe now. - Reclaiming my time.

Real talk...

"Other People's Shoes"!

Ashley, you'll be Marlon. Marlon, you'll be Ashley.

That was pretty good.

A'ight, my turn? Okay.

Oh, my God.

- Thank you. - Uh...

Nerve endings in the feet connect to the entire body,

I can't remember what this is.

"Final Flight"! Hah! Ooh!

'Scuse me, 'scuse me.

He's a... lot... heavier... than... I thought.

stop me from saving another man's life.

Come here.

You know why? Hah!

on this mickey-ficky plane!

of the... airplane!

I will not... leave... my... wingman!

a dope-ass after party at the Bellagio.

Dr. Shabazz doesn't need to see any more.

Marlon, she has three master's and a PhD,

and his mama still gotta pin his gloves

What's your PhD in? Driving brothers crazy?

talking about some damn snakes on a plane

Hmm? Maybe the gravitational pull

I know that's how you roll.

We both got hit by the damn car.

When Marlon’s sisters come to town, he convinces Ashley to pretend they are still married in order to keep them from freaking out and being disappointed in him. As the weekend goes on and the charade gets harder to keep up, Marlon finally confronts them in an epic confession. After receiving a psychic reading from Lenora, Stevie tries to woo Yvette as he thinks they are destined to be together. MORE -LESS

Okay, y'all need to wrap this up.

- One more time. - Ignore him.

Just do this for me for two days, okay?

And when they leave, I'ma give you $20.

- Oh! - Aww, my baby!

I'd hate to break up all this black love,

♪ Flamin' Hots in the house! ♪

We'll pretend we're married for two days,

Oh, well the universe ain't never lied.

How you gonna step into your greatness barefoot?

If your kids and my mac and cheese was drowning,

but, uh, you know, them eggs is old, girl.

You're wasting your time.

Take control.

So did you all ever book that timeshare I gifted you?

- Cancun. - Detroit.

at hiding our divorce as you are.

Boy, you are not sleeping in this bed.

It's the new-new.

You know what? That's fine.

of what I was gonna do to you in Detroit.

This is just ridiculous.

So.

Yvette, we're destined to be together.

Oh, my God, these shoes.

Y'all little sweat suits ain't fooling nobody.

We may as well just tell 'em.

You mean live in a world

- Ooh. - Yeah.

- till the sweat drops down my... " - Marlon!

Spirits are revealing a lot of different female energy.

Where is all this energy coming from?

She's gonna teach me how to make hot-buttered rum.

Lenora got the spirits over there snitching on my penis.

Just... just ride with me, just one more day?

Oh.

Oh, look, Marlon,

Oh, hey, hey, hey, Ash! Isn't this great?

Clearly, she ain't a virgin anymore.

Leave her alone, gosh.

Yes. We are divorced.

then we can sit down and we can discuss this like adults

And I don't know why I didn't see it!

Why the hell didn't you tell us?

I don't send them to nobody.

Oh!

with... with no... looking like a Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Marlon offers to be Ashley’s wingman during a night out at a club. All is going well until Marlon meets someone and Ashley finds herself jealous. Yvette gives Stevie a makeover and kisses him in an attempt to make her ex jealous.

Ah, girl, that's back when I wanted to hit it.

that slept upside-down like a bat?

living on your couch.

I'm gonna be your wingman.

We ain't gonna be like, "No, she like it counterclockwise."

Oh, that club's perfect.

your granddaddy-in-the-face looking ass.

of that damn pantsuit.

You look like Dr. Ben Carson's only black friend.

I believe the Cotton Club is this way.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Fair trade. - Mm-hmm.

"Come here. Give me your number."

- Hey. - Hey.

Oh, "The Marlon Way."

- It was? - It was.

and the first epidural didn't really take.

and you telling him about the foot coming out.

kids and STDs.

Rude.

I don't know.

You just love crazy, don't you?

- Girl, he is fine as hell. - Yeah, he is fine.

Yeah, well, I do have a puma though.

let's assume pumas have spots.

with your emotional maturity tonight.

- Hi. - Hey.

Ah, hell no.

Radio was teaching them!

Well, I've just been trying to recruit Marlon here

It releases toxins and promotes circulation.

Oh, so, um, who has any particularly disgusting

because I bite mine and smell 'em too, so...

You was wingmaning for me.

I've been waiting here all night for your ass.

he's walking out of VIP right now.

- I thought it was. - God!

Easy, Marlon.

let me holler at you right quick, huh?

Gerard is sitting there holding a sign with your name on it.

Oh, please!

Ashley, are you okay?

You gonna take that?

sure as hell want to know.

Marlon, you better get your little friend

Marlon convinces Ashley to let Zack model for a kids' athletic line after he is approached in a mall. After the shoot, Stevie , Yvette , Marlon and Ashley are horrified to see that the photos have been altered as the shirt he is modeling now contains the phrase "Funky Monkey." Ashley and Marlon decide to pull Zack from the campaign after the advertising executives fail to see the racism of the shirt. MORE -LESS

She's right. People ask you to model,

Actually, according to my LinkedIn,

Okay, legit or not,

Can I get you something, maybe some brown liquor?"

D-E-V...

He was like, "Boy, are you a sugarplum fairy?"

All right, well, promise me that you will keep him safe.

Give me "I just got released."

I am Zack's manager and the one responsible

I like your swag, man.

Mr. Hoffstetter,

All right, boy. No doubt.

He is the face of this year's line.

You got me? Run through your poses.

you know, a pretty boy.

The odd asymmetrical one who's trying too hard?

You know, I'm surprised that a everyman like Hank

Hold the work!

the advance proof of Zack's Game Swag ad.

a out-of-focus blob behind Kevin.

Aww, hell naw!

You right. You right.

it really does capture Zack's charisma.

No, I mean, he was cool.

Ashley, I don't know what happened.

What I was saying was that me and Hank were cool.

That's your boy, huh?

And my baby mama... she wanted me to flip the table.

Zack is an everyman.

If that's true, Hank,

Now it all makes sense.

The sister wouldn't even have said nothing.

"You know, that look good on black skin, but, uh,

used an algorithm to come up with the concept.

So why don't we take a big, buff black guy,

with a big old booty... just a big old ass...

put him in a T-shirt that says "Mellow Yellow"?

No, but, Marlon,

Agh!

was a better place, but I see it's not.

Come on, Marlon.

but you are gonna kill that ad.

about two seconds away from kicking Hank's ass.

and then I want you to divide that by the square root

that'll take down the entire Game Swag empire?