The Sopranos

Tony faces pressure from his own crew to give up his cousin to Johnny Sack. Tony does some soul-searching on Melfi's couch and finally decides on a course of action. A.J. proves himself to be a schemer, while Christopher tells Carmela that he and Adriana have ended their relationship. Tony meets with Johnny Sack to restore peace between Jersey and New York, but the Feds play a surprise card that sends Tony fleeing to safety. MORE -LESS

My son doesn't live with me.

Hey, there's my little amaretto cookie.

and she hasn't returned their calls. Is everything all right?

I see that my nephew isn't here and it's important he lam it now.

After being promoted in 1916, he joyfully returned home on leave

Everybody with eyes in the back of their head.

About what?

It's about you don't wanna eat shit from John.

And in the end, you're completely alone with it all.

...it'll be taken care of through the plumber's union health plan.

If Tony tried to strike at them again, we should take him out.

You realise I had an entire container of imported provolone coming in Saturday?

He told me back then, this guy, he said...

Look, I'm not trying to be difficult here.

vis-à-vis your cousin, your son, whoever, own your feelings!

They brought them with them to get out of paying.

What the fuck?

What the fuck did you do it for? And don't bullshit me, Paulie.

He should be buried.

I swear on my life.

All right.

I don't like the sarcasm, and I don't want you around here

- What? - You know, it's interesting.

Yeah, but I mean, you know, it...

And that what we are here for, in the end,

- I don't wanna hear nothing else. - Oh, you don't?

The Feds just hit Johnny Sack. You heard anything?

The FBI finds new evidence that they use as leverage against Adriana. Adriana relents and tries to persuade Christopher to go into witness protection with her. Tony and Carmela meet over lunch and work toward a reconciliation, which includes a new real estate project for Carmela. Johnny Sack delivers a stern ultimatum to Tony, who is hesitant to give up his cousin. MORE -LESS

These are temporary, but there's a chance of weight gain,

- Any marriage would need fidelity. - Like Popeye says, "I am what I am. "

put your ear to the street, let the guys see you take the reins.

My Smelly Valentine.

That's great. The kids'll be thrilled.

See if I can't make that happen for you.

What, I gotta stand here being threatened now?

That's just nasty.

With you out of the house, I've had a chance to do a lot of thinking.

- Have you settled on a caterer yet? - Can I talk to you?

Fuck all this shit with Paulie.

Call the Long Branch PD, find out what's up.

- Am I that fuckin' horrible now? - No. You're not horrible at all.

Give me a hand, will you?

So what? Isn't that illegal anyway, to film people without telling 'em?

He's a drug dealer. He did it. I swear, not me.

Matush said he sold him coke once,

- Religious? - He prays, like, all the time.

I want you wired up! I want Tony Soprano on tape!

- I could help you there. - Get outta here.

Ade? It's been 40 minutes. How long you gonna stay in there?

- What would Moltisanti want? - I'm not sure.

- Little Carmine's out. - He's dead?

I gotta get through this.

They wanted me to wear a wire, but I wouldn't do it.

Don't say it. Not on the phone.

- What do you mean? - I don't know. It was like a panic attack.

We could live someplace like that, maybe.

A trooper found him in a bathroom of this diner.

must be left in lots L, M or N.

- Let me handle this myself. - I can't do that, Tony.

Tony escapes to the Plaza Hotel for a night of rest and relaxation, but his dreams are haunted by past faces. Another casualty falls in the war between Johnny Sack and Little Carmine, and Tony B. heads to New York for revenge.

All right. I got it. It's out! It's out!

- Old fixtures, windows, toilets. - Like Sanford and Son?

And the burns are second degree so you don't need a skin graft or that hyperbolic chamber.

Just put it in there.

We were on our way to your place and Billy sees you drive by.

Philly! Philly, you know me.

- Do you know this is today's paper? - Oh, no...

I'll talk to Carlo and tell him why you're kickin' up directly to me this week.

That smell - fuck, that burnin' hair smell -

They said she don't need no skin grafts.

She's better than Artie in some ways.

Oh, Jill, that's so funny.

Let them satisfy your every need.

If it's him, tell him you ain't seen me.

The object is to learn what you saw in me, not what I saw in you.

Kid gets sick in the back seat.

All right, let's go.

There you are. I was getting so nervous.

This is it.

- What's that noise? - It's those micks outside the hotel

You know, you oughta show some respect.

That's what you always told me I was good at.

You had smarts, personality, leadership potential -

God damn him.

It was just his way of keeping me from causing trouble. Make his life easier.

Janice attacks a mother during her stepdaughter's soccer game and is forced to attend anger management classes. Tony must deal with his own anger as Johnny Sack launches payback against the Sopranos. Christopher and Tony B. overcome their differences when they are sent to dispose of several incriminating corpses buried in the country.

I will say, very interesting timing, T. You and John had that chat at the funeral...

I just feel so bad for the kids.

My name was all over the fuckin' TV because of your bullshit!

On the other hand, she called Sophia her daughter.

I told you, but we can't live like this, me and the kids.

Two craps tables, blackjack, roulette.

- Our friend with the orchard. - No shit. He OK?

I think your luck's been fuckin' great, and listen to you cursing it out.

How would you like it?

I worshipped these two guys... Tony Soprano especially.

I'll get back to the writing some day,

- You couldn't play fair. - I didn't want it!

We gonna throw 'em an engagement party or what?

Doris, can't you keep Billy's bike out of the driveway?!

I come from a biased family, but I was different.

That's all he's saying.

Changed, though, you know, Pat's,

My sister...

I think it's, "Revenge is a dish best served cold. "

OK, right, I agree. "The centre cannot hold.

Wears me out. I'm fuckin' exhausted all the time.

And do me a favour, be as polite as you are when it's just the two of us?

When he first heard the term "pie in the sky," he volunteered for the 82nd Airborne.

This is the second time I'm moving him.

But I went away for a long time, stood up for this family,

It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

but I feel so much better now about everything.

Who's that... Anthony?

Yeah, we were just saying that.

Met some pretty nice college girls the other night.

If you recover your fuckin' balls, give us a call.

I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was being a jerkoff.

Well, if beaks could kill, that one certainly would.

yet fewer than two per cent of them are opened and inspected by U.S. Customs.

- It wasn't even detected. - Please, my ears.

- Be careful of the alligators down there. - All right, tough guy.

I can't even think about it.

You lose 'em for a little bit, but he'll be back.

You know that song,

Rumors about Tony B's involvement in the Joey Peeps hit reach Johnny Sack, who considers going to war with little Carmine. Meadow looks out for her boyfriend's financial well-being and turns up the pressure on him when their relationship stalls. Carmela finds that Tony has made it impossible for her to hire a divorce lawyer, while Tony explores his guilt over his cousin's incarceration with Melfi. MORE -LESS

So, was your father in a rush now or something?

Then he wasn't sure.

But historically, historical changes have come out of war.

What'd the lady at student placement say?

- Is that what you want? - No.

Mr Greenberg would've found himself in a bit of ethical soup had he moved forward.

- Jason, get into it. - I'll call the marble guy.

You keep bringin' that up. I'm fine with it.

I'm not sure that's the best...

I handled a case once where the husband owned vending machines.

If she ain't got them, send Meadow's friend when he's done with your car.

I am through trying to get you to provide beyond the minimum I need to live.

So, the Cubbies gave your boys a shellacking last night.

- Yeah, what do you say, Bill? - How you doing?

Do me a favour. Hold this.

unto eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ,

The fucking gall on that man!

All right, maybe I'm wrong,

If you were laying a bet.

You got any idea the money in that casino?

about interrupting while I'm on the telephone.

Right. I get it.

This whole thing... the fight, the stuff with Vito,

You got out a suitcase!

You said, how are we going to keep it together

Yeah.

They hooked him up on a RICO and he got 17 years.

I had a fight with my mother and I fainted?

Carmela invites Tony to participate in her father's surprise birthday party, and the evening ends in a romantic encounter. Two of Little Carmine's men try to recruit Tony B. for a retaliation against Johnny Sack's crew. Tony B. is reluctant, but his boredom soon gets the better of him.

you know what you find yourself thinking in your private moments?

I guess.

This asshole's giving away washing machines. You believe that?

- How's Ginny like the car? - She loves it.

Anyway, the point being that anything you can do to keep costs in line

No, Mom and I are taking care of it.

But it'll help your outlook if you'd take it consistently like you're supposed to.

DeAngelis, Hugo.

"At our age it's enough surprise every day when we get up in the morning. "

I don't know. The air bag thing, it earns good.

We did what was asked of us.

Russ Fegoli? He's in town?

- Wow. - But when we were kids in the navy,

Tony, it's Angie. We did all the repairs you said on Phil's car.

They're fixing the fucking Shah of Iran's car. Be there when he picks it up.

Mambo? Oh, Carlos was teaching you the mambo!

New York guy, not Jersey.

We had a big talk over here the other day

Jerry said to refrigerate.

I'm making Grandpa's favourite icebox cake.

I can imagine how much you must miss her, your only daughter.

Come on, Joey.

The father was like that, too. The whole Soprano bunch.

Oh, good.

Speech, speech!

what a wild man Hugo was in his day.

Then again, her friend is taking me to the cleaners with this divorce shit.

You're drunk. I'm going home.

From the '96 Olympics in Atlanta, it looks like.

- I didn't do nothing! - You're as bad as he is

Can't keep your hands off each other.

So which type of torture instrument

Tony pays a visit to his father's gravesite and meets a woman who claims to be his father's mistress. Tony forges a relationship with her as he learns more about his past. Christopher takes a friend from rehab to the executive poker game, but he soon goes from sponsor to strong-arm man when his friend can't pay his debts.

I was gonna go visit my father.

Excuse me. Hi.

She made all of us suffer instead.

She was the reason I never married. I wanted to propose.

I'll tell you one thing. Over the years he was rottin' in that grave

Guy's got his own limo.

What's this?

Those are the pictures, on the coffee table.

The Chickamauga Raceway over in New Egypt.

Listen, after we eat, you wanna take a ride?

You take a dime each on the Yankees and St. Louis?

With Leotardo in the can, who's been running that place, huh?

I was never that good at math. But there's something about that excitement that's so...

25 per cent comes from you, the other 75 per cent of that comes from Hesh.

You're kidding?

I'm wearing a new sable and we meet Lem Billings.

Finally, at the end of the night, and get this.

That was something your mother never understood.

You trying to buy this pot?

- Call. - Pair of tens.

You got 24 hours.

I know you're in there. You're casting a shadow over the peephole.

That wasn't the deal! I'll be back tomorrow. Don't make me a jerkoff.

Oh! My knight in shining armour!

And 66 years after taking those sacred vows, "till death do us part",

Let us join together in prayer.

If you had an Oscar, maybe I could give you something.

I offered to stop. He didn't want me to. He was fine with it, really.

Look at this.

I met with the Dick Wolf guy.

I think she was bleeding. The baby.

- Nicky gave us the tickets. - You're a goddam liar.

This man you emulate?

This woman was like a... like a princess.

Tony B. makes an honest effort to go straight as he prepares to open his own massage studio, but a mysterious bag of money tempts him back to his old habits. A.J. moves back in with his mother after a fight with Tony, while Carmela pursues her relationship with her son's guidance counselor.

from Mr. Fiske, Anthony's English teacher.

Italian-American, father in the carting industry...

to any discussion of "Madame Bovary" over the phone.

Honey, aren't you gonna eat something?

I suppose I could speak with Monsignor Bava,

he looked at me with this intensity.

in mini-mall over at West Caldwell.

I laid it out for him. He wants to move back here.

You wanted to live with your father. Live with your decision.

They're all sources of pleasure, though.

It's the classic story.

I know, exactly.

but that He'll touch yours as well.

They could buy some $30 hand cream

What's she here for, happy endings?

Mr. Wegler pulled me out of language lab

You know you have to remember that when you're the boss.

# Blowing loud #

God damn it!

- That was a long time ago. - Now you're all open-minded

That's all this is. AJ's just fighting to keep peace

What kind of mother am I? I mean, look at us.

# They told me be sensible with your new love. #

Well, like my dad used to say,

They can't just hop on a plane to the Bahamas, right?

That's a thought.

Because every time I think about putting the arm on Tom Fiske

Hey, Henry Ford.

Fuck.

if that's what you want.

Tony's intense new feelings for Adriana sends him back to Dr. Melfi; Tony may have skin cancer; While Christopher is on a business trip, the crew discusses a rumor involving Adriana.

It was just some guy with a Southern accent.

We are... done.

It's nothin'. There's your allowance.

To help me cope and handle stress,

- Sure. - I got a top guy, though...

Why do you have to go anyway?

- Ah. Who's this on? - Please. It's called "The Lost Boys. "

No.

- Did I get your toe? - No. No, no, no.

Here, our friend sent this for you.

What?

What? It would be a disaster

You might want to think about

You know, I thought I picked up on something between her and me.

- How's your car? - Escalade?

- with the other half. - Fuck me.

Not a scratch. The fucking luck on this guy.

I get off of work, I don't want to go right home.

We were talking about you, you selfish prick,

When Christopher was in rehab,

- No, please! - You want me to use you, bitch!

I thought you had an algebra test.

our little cousin was in there all fucked up.

He's probably in some gutter.

I'll kill all of youse!

- Listen, I... - Hey, hey, hey!

and the sternum just above the xiphoid process

Look, I know I haven't been a fucking saint, all right?

Don't forget, it's him we're after.

Tony and Carmela quarrel after A.J. spends a wild night in the Big Apple. Tony is forced to make a decision about Feech when he continues to overstep his bounds. Carmela finds a romantic interest in A.J.'s guidance counselor, while the war in New York claims its first two casualties.

It's goin' away.

Encourage extracurricular activity, you said.

Feech has forgiven, even if he hasn't forgotten.

The maid walks in. She says, "What's goin' on?"

If it was a black couple or a gay couple they'd be in.

If we can nudge Lem's verbals past 760 on the next round,

He says he's tryin' his best.

all in all he seemed to be handling the split well.

What's going on, Mary?

- I'm gonna catch shit at school. - So what do you wanna do?

He had the concept of sharing before any of the other toddlers.

I'm running a fucking business not a popularity contest.

The desire to cleanse himself of the deed.

"Drum solo"? That's the basic four-four.

Then he shows the C.P.A. where he's gonna live.

All right, all right, bet two.

So, you guys like your job?

Apparently there's been an armed robbery.

She's just gonna call back.

I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but he was pretty zapped.

Come on, open the fucking door!

I'm not really in that business, Ira.

I told you I can't put you through. Room 417 has a block on the line.

- Later. I don't feel good. - What happened to your face?

She's covering for him. It's what sisters are supposed to do.

- We were right by the hotel. - Enough of your lying.

- He can go live with you. - Don't get dramatic now, all right?

or I never would have let him stay in New York. I knew he wasn't ready.

- What the fuck are you talking about? - The lawn cutting.

Come here.

No, we gotta do this shit. You don't wanna know, it's all fucked up.

I'm not so sure now.

You know, he would be drawn right in... you know.

- And the honey balsamic chicken. - Thank you.

- In 15 minutes. - No, now.

Feech begins to overstep when he moves in on Paulie's landscaping deals. Tony worries about Junior's mind when Junior wanders around his old neighborhood searching for long-dead friends. As the hostility in New York intensifies, Johnny Sack dispatches the Leotardo brothers to send Little Carmine a clear message.

Come on! I've seen my daughter call her Judy!

As regards to your uncle,

or any partnership for that matter, is a give and a take.

Here, Ma, rest those dogs.

95.5, WPLJ in Brooklyn.

Two times you were told to kick up to fucking Johnny Sack.

He's grabbing with both hands, John.

You were Carmine's consigliere for over 30 years.

My wife, at this point...

I'll give you a breadstick up your ass. Come here, you.

the fruit who owns those hair salons, huh?

Hey, Jan. Julio?

Well relax, I just...

And Barb will be here with the chicken parm and the veal pizzaiola.

- Tony, relax, it's not a big deal. - It's undermining!

Will someone please tell me what's going on?

- You speak to the man? - I'll see you later.

nobody's sure who to pay, so nobody gets paid.

Hey, this way you're not such a big target for the feds.

Well, there ain't no vending machines here no more.

concentrated dishwashing liquid.

and when not to fight;

- What? - He's wandering, Ton'.

One hour of television, then you both finish your homework.

- He was just trying... - Fuck "he was just!"

Apparently, there's a new president

How much longer am I gonna have to keep doing this?

Fuck you, copper, I know my rights.

Jesus, Uncle Jun', thank God.

He may have Alzheimer's. I don't know.

Think I don't know what you're doing here, Janice?

I already told the guy 12, T.

I got you 500 for your arm,

Oh yeah, yeah, she mentioned it.

of the Great Plains and the Great Basin.

Believe me, there's plenty I'd like to forget.

Tony throws a welcome-home party for his cousin, Tony Blundetto, who is released from prison on parole. The FBI continues to pressure Adriana for information and she nearly confesses at Carmela's film club. Carmine's passing leaves the field wide open for Johnny Sack, but Little Carmine has ideas of his own. Tony smells yet another rat and leaves a clear message for the Feds. MORE -LESS

I'll have what he's having.

You had one of those, too, huh?

Joey Cogo sent over a bottle of Veuve.

This other inaudible is "Crack fuckin' heads,"

- Pie. He was eating. - Tony, this is federal redevelopment.

He fucked up his six-figure future with O'Melveny & Meyers

People buy 'em like you wouldn't fuckin' believe.

All the fellas are gettin' out, huh?

What's up, buddy?

Lady Shylock, you got some reputation.

In his later years, your father was very sensitive about

Sometimes you gotta just take care of yourself, you know?

Well, I have to wear fur on the outside on account

Aw, man. There he is.

- What? - Where's Tubs?

- Tony, you remember Bobby. - Oh, yeah.

- Show him the phone! - Yeah.

There was like 50 Tonys in the family.

Come on, let me hear it. Welcome home!

- What? - Sun Tizzu.

- Well, yeah. I kinda got an idea. - Yeah?

Look, I've been away from all this a long time.

My lawyer, he's a top guy... Robert Greenberg.

So did you attend Carmine Lupertazzi's funeral?

I can't talk to you. I can't even talk to Christopher

I had no idea I was so tense.

I think you're right about that.

Cop said they were just sitting there in the rain.

That's what I wanna do.

I'm not paying a lawyer.

What are we talking about?

Oh.

I'm sorry, T. You're right.

Look at us. We'll kill ourselves for these cigarettes.

No, I know. You're the boss.

All right, go to sleep, go to sleep.

Tony, now separated from Carmela, takes a romantic interest in Dr. Melfi. Carmela is forced to call Tony for help when a wild bear keeps visiting their home. Johnny Sack sees an opportunity for advancement when Carmine suffers a stroke, while new parolees readjust to life on the outside and Janice adjusts to married life with Bobby. Christopher and Paulie face off when Christopher is constantly stuck paying for dinner. MORE -LESS

- to quote Superman. - What do you think is gonna happen

- What are you watching? - Go call your brother for dinner.

Why does that even have to be done?

Ah, duck food, yes, my husband's.

One of my therapists was a woman.

Anyway, he starts runnin', the Russian.

Well, I always thought I saw some good things there.

That bear will rip him to pieces.

Yeah, I'll give him room service... the end of my foot.

Lotta changes since you went away, huh?

- He's in the middle of a story. - When isn't he?

now that I'm out, I'd like to get back in the game.

Okay, I don't know.

- Any word on your cousin getting out? - Who's your cousin again?

Sad, this shit, huh?

in that other direction.

if you don't like me personally,

It would be for you.

what use are you to him except for sex?

It's like in ancient times, the samurais,

- Thanks. - Enjoy it, girls.

You want me to tell you? Fine! Steaks, 3 Ib. -lobsters,

Yeah, right. Go piss it away at blackjack,

The reason I called.

psychiatric ethics stuff, is it?

- just very different. - You don't like my values?