The Good Place

Season Finale. Michael makes a plea. Eleanor looks to take the high road. Michael tries to pull a rabbit out of a hat.

Or that my brain is grinding

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Now the thing I said right after we kissed

For the time being, The Judge is gonna put you

So if you're all together, it ain't medium.

and it's either this or back to the Bad Place.

Why should we have to go live alone in a boring void

that you improved in Michael's fake neighborhood

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

It's only four people.

And me, I assume, also. Forever.

and I reserve the right to change my mind

[SIGHS]

Holy crap.

- Ugh, I hate that guy. - Really?

and the carts got, like, demolished

That building is, like, right by my old dentist.

more generous person.

♪

Listen, dude. What you're doing here...

Thank you. And your parking pass.

You should, too.

Ah! Don't hurt me. My bones are brittle.

like a thousand times.

Hey, everyone. This is Eleanor.

[THE SUBMARINES' "MAYBE"]

♪ Do we work it through ♪

Mm, babes, get in on these nachos.

- I love you. - Aww.

We have to. It's the right thing to do.

Okay.

literally starting right now!

♪ Such a long time now ♪

♪ This strange and new position ♪

♪

like six times and never said anything.

We're meeting tonight to discuss long-term strategy

Yeah, that sounds like more fun.

A feeling of fulfillment in your soul.

Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where we, like, feed him soup.

Which one's my desk?

Dude, my boyfriend just texted.

- Hmm. - Last year on my birthday,

- Why did I tell you that? - It's unclear.

That's like five years, and it felt okay,

you deserve a reward.

she'd hear this... this little voice in her head,

Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, and Jason consider just how much they have (or have not) improved. Michael is left to deal with the consequences of his recent actions.

That being said, sometimes I get bored

I just absorbed the entirety of your existences,

You frankly wouldn't believe what we've been through

to weigh in on matters such as ours?

to just show up here unannounced.

How could you betray your own kind like this?

Ya basic.

She was wandering the halls being polite to people,

then... zrrrup. Up you go.

Well, can we be graded as a group then?

I mean, truly awful.

Tell my friends their souls are in good hands.

at the time that I was born.

Okay, have fun.

not care what people think of me.

and episodes of "Pretty Little Liars."

there was a mistake made and these people

and they deserve a staycation in the Good Place,

Looks like you guys are up.

There is no test.

All those ethics lessons paid off.

where they belong within the Bad Place,

What a dork.

Tahani and Jason have not been given the same offer.

but you have hot sauce on your chin.

Oh no, that was your moral quandary grimace,

- What? - A choice that we have to make.

in the same room discussing me?

I hate scoring against my own favorite team.

Apparently, wherever you've been,

We have so much to tell you about your sister.

is that everyone in these rooms

Never going to earn your respect.

And it's the happiest I have ever been.

- I'm not? - No, retirement is a spectacle.

All you'll have for entertainment

Now I'm ready to go back to being nice again.

Contractualist, Kantian,

Okay, our friends are going to the Bad Place,

don't we deserve to be together

but for the sake of your test, we're not going.

that ain't Chidi.

You can take a seat and wait for the others.

Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, Janet, and Jason head to a destination that may have lasting implications.

You cannot be Blake Bortles.

Chidi?

Look if you don't want to lie because it conflicts

Look, Eleanor, our goal here is to appear

They're trying to torture us, man. We're behind enemy lines!

Yes. I want to strangle you.

I think you look nice.

Now I know you look like a Bad Janet,

Here you go!

And a back-up glass. Oh, boy.

you all suck, and you're ugly.

It's just a place. You know. An area or location.

It's the Hall of Low-Grade Crappiness.

Guys, if you do leave this room, you're gonna see things

Yeah. I'm worried.

This dude rules!

You got it, you piece of butt.

Oh! New scent! "Transformers!"

hop in the portal, file those with the Judge,

Plans are already in motion to get the humans

It looks too conspicuous.

Hors d'oeuvre?

Come on, dab it out. Boom boom! 'Sup? I'm Chet.

Anyway, your boy Trent and I

Bro-hams! Get over here and meet my top dog Trent.

Brant was a total lord. He got kicked off

You know I'd be all like, "No!"

- Not even a little nug? - Nah, I'm a'ight.

That's okay. Janet, can you dig around a little bit

by going through the proper channels,

I hadn't thought of that.

Relax, Mike. This will all be over soon,

The team is in place. Let's do this.

If Rhonda can do it, you can.

- Like Jonathan Dancy says. - Jonathan Dancy?

Like, let's say you promised your friend

I just decided... would say there's no absolute rule.

in literal Hell, lecturing my teacher/ex-lover

Smash you later. Let's roll.

and then it'll be over.

Living room's clear. Entering the bedroom.

Uh-oh!

Listen up, people. We need to find Michael,

Well, peep this, dog.

so I just gave her mad books to read, round the clock.

But I don't know, man.

All right, you've convinced me. I'll give him books.

and we can sneak out the door.

Michael finds himself in a bind. Eleanor sparks an idea that has Chidi, Tahani, Jason, and even Janet laying their feelings on the line.

I don't know about you guys,

Oh!

Okay, I know this mood.

is the best version of myself?

And this Chidi is an imposter!

So in a way, it doesn't matter if I was better

Do you remember that version of me

Michael, can you tell us a little bit about that version?

Once you handed him a tissue right before he sneezed,

You just mash your food holes together.

We'll put our names in or book a table.

the best version of myself,

You humans have so many emotions!

Guys, I tried a billion different ways.

because while I was searching for a way to get in,

So I could keep searching for a way in.

So you'll go to the real Bad Place forever,

We can do what the Shellstrops have always done

I asked Michael if I could pop the giant balloon,

Not exactly.

I would simply say, "I would like to speak to a manager."

Robbed the pet store where she worked.

But, uh, in case feelings aren't stupid,

Wow. Michael was right on the money.

That's the sound that my brain makes all the time.

are completely insane.

Is that how you think people meet?

To the good people we've all become.

Any of us could have ever asked for.

Who is easily the best version of himself.

a ridiculous giraffe, an absurd British aristocrat,

just try your best.

I can do that you know that thing where...

Oh, guys.

Michael, there's a message coming in from Shawn.

Like, I'll just always be camping.

Yeah. Still fine. You'd be fine.

We should speak to the manager.

Judge rarely hears cases.

even though we didn't go through the proper channels.

Michael receives a surprise visitor. Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, and Jason attempt to solve a riddle.

And then you will be, you know, tortured forever.

Like those old farts were gonna provide guidance.

You know, just to thank the crew for all the hard work.

except for you, Jason, because I hate you.

There's only one option. Sean clearly doesn't know

But if there were, we could get her

well, that's two votes for my plan.

Sorry, but when all this started,

Kyra. Sedgwick?

'cause that was Kierkegaard's thing, right?

I think he's on our side.

I think he's gonna help us escape.

I think we gotta go to the cops.

Shawn thinks that this is attempt number two, right?

Mama want promotion, ya heard?

so I thought that we should celebrate

Oh, Jason, buddy,

are the only ones televised in the Bad Place,

but enough about your sister.

Every other moment of her empty, pointless life!

and Chidi doesn't love you back.

because he's so annoying about ethics.

Idiots.

That roast was the meanest thing I've ever seen,

He's gonna torture us for eternity.

♪ Walking home from our house Christmas Eve ♪

What does Michael keep whispering to you?

Ow, get your own bracelet, Victoria.

played at the same time.

How did they get Janet's bracelets off?

She's been trying to sabotage me the entire time.

I bet they're still here somehow.

but I actually did find something for Vicky.

of what happened here to anyone,

I told you he was on our side.

Thank you, Tahani. You're lying, though, right?

Because, um, I've been drunk on magnets all day,

Yes...

There were clues in the roast.

Ugh, you guys are the worst conspirators.

When the last song played at one of her parties,

when everyone was at their most distracted.

Surprises are in store as Janet creates a big problem for Michael. Meanwhile, Eleanor lets Chidi in on a secret, and Jason puts Tahani in a difficult position.

I made him.

Or vice versa.

Now, the goal is to tap the ball

who called croquet "barely a game."

She's got to have a lot of questions

and maybe she'll get rid of Derek herself.

their happiness to save ourselves.

to be tortured for eternity, which will happen

Everyone.

It was a finishing school I attended before Oxford,

It wasn't a very good school.

Maybe I can be that friend.

but she's got to keep him under wraps

Oh, so they're your friends now.

but you are always there.

Well, for one thing, we're not on Earth.

Will it be Michael and Janet opposite Chidi and Eleanor

I came here on purpose

and Tahani Al-Jamil are getting married this evening.

- No, no. - Don't.

Janet stops being sad.

ethically we should tell Jason that he used to be married

that I want to murder Derek. Boom!

Jason...

and yet, when I'm with you, I can really let my hair down,

Professor Buzzkill got in my head.

Before all the reboots, Jason was married to Janet.

No, no. I'm Eleanor, man.

Decision time.

uh, days we were very gassy, et cetera.

I mean, the Doctrine of Double Effect, remember?

This isn't about your wind-chime penis.

and I suggested, "hey, find a rebound guy,"

Look, I gave you bad advice, okay?

Thank you. Not skin.

and have sex about your feelings.

I think it's time for you to go away.

Janet.

I'm going to keep watching, but you guys look away.

Kind of like he's in power-saver mode.

- Bye, guys. - Derek!

Okay, okay. I think that's probably enough

Me too.

- Is something wrong? - No. Yep.

Yeah, well, forget all that.

I once even tried to... rent socks.

When the Neighborhood experiences a small glitch, Michael has to resolve the issue with Janet before it gets out of control.

Janet's experiencing

Oh, it's the ears, yeah?

it's like you're begging me

Picture this.

Where were we? Uh...

All right, great.

using the random object generator program."

"Lordy, Lordy, I'm Over 40." Perfect.

with objective truth."

Okay. Here goes nothing.

One of the best. Top notch.

Of course, silly billy.

I lied to you.

If the glitching was only a result of you lying to me,

She'll be available real soon.

That's sweet.

- Whoa. - What's happening?

- And a cool hat? - Ding dong.

Okay, let's walk through what just happened.

That's fun. I want to try to lie again.

Janet, the problem isn't me lying to you,

because you weren't actually happy to help them.

you're still, deep down, in love with him.

I'd helped improve their relationship.

You said yourself that Janets get more sophisticated

Sorry, I say everything in a cheery manner,

I'm saying set me to self-destruct.

"through an inter-dimensional suction tube

Well, not for me. I'll be a lifeless marble

So it looks like it's...

I don't want to be a nudge, but is there anything else

Okay, self-destruct time.

Pudding restaurant?

Whoa, I'm way out on a limb here.

Um... Janet, uh...

Oh, yeah, okay.

Let's bring in the residents.

Oh. I can't do it.

What if Vicky found out?

But for me, our...

Well... I mean it.

Michael, come on. Kill me.

So, let me get this straight.

Chidi and Eleanor tackle a famous ethical dilemma, leading to a conflict with Michael. Tahani harbors a secret and confides in Janet.

"shall do my level best

Man.

Maybe the reason Michael can't latch

that life has an end,

- Michael? - Yeah.

with a flaming ladle,

Think about that for a second.

He's having an existential crisis.

Okay,

How about a Cool Ranch baby?

he crosses a long rainbow bridge,

Nope, because it's very far away...

How did he die?

and that bitch Carol from work was really

Mike, listen to me, you have nothing to worry about.

Didn't Tahani do a good job?

We babysit Michael in shifts so that no one sees

Wow, this is... elaborate.

My whole dang life.

Where's Michael?

I feel so much better. It's like I'm surfing

and also say things like, "You're so funny,"

but overall they're pretty harmless.

For an immortal being, he's pretty fragile.

Yeah, well, I know you guys weren't super close,

Thanks for blowing my cover, Doug!

was a mug shot. He was a doof.

Is there a bar? I'm just going to...

over at the restaurant. So...

Okay, well, if that's what you want.

Focus on something great like Drakkar Noir...

That's good, yeah.

Mi torture es su torture.

and dolphins to ride

I kind of feel like maybe we should wind down, have a...

samba lessons, huh?

What's the big whoop?

No, that's like, for a family.

can be close to the kid toothbrushes and...

Make sure no harm ever comes to their little bristles?

All humans are aware of death.

it just ends up leaking out of you anyway.

Tahani throws a dinner party to impress. Eleanor and Jason both have to lend a hand when things don't go as planned.

too much."

Right now, I'm the best student.

Look, look. If you live forever,

That's what you used to think about?

Yeah, actually there is.

would be placed on the surface of a different sun.

Everyone else is here.

So...

Look, the good news is,

Hey, buddy.

when you understand the fleeting nature of existence?

I have some sad news.

is a beautiful farm with lots of grass and trees

Okay, look. I'm lying, okay?

how hot it gets in cars sometimes.

I had to use one of my favorite duffle bags

Everything is perfect.

and now he's having an existential crisis.

Yeah, but...

Okay? Just like I used to do when someone

And over there we filled a ball pit with puppies.

around the party looking miserable.

Okay? I'm a new man.

but she doesn't pretend like she has all the answers.

and now it's just so easy.

That's good, right?

needs to be confronted, but this is just denial.

Sister! Sister...

I'm not. I'm just saying he sucked.

He's dead! Up top!

Now, there was a little bit of a mix up,

So you all just stay here and have fun.

Don't be sad, you guys.

and name our favorite cheese.

I'm not about that negativity.

Why? There are baby monkeys

though I doubt I can even throw one of those properly.

Oh, I know. Jeanette and I have been taking

What's the big whoop?

Who has four toothbrushes? Like, Bill Gates or something?

can be close to the kid toothbrushes and...

Make sure no harm ever comes to their little bristles?

All humans are aware of death.

it just ends up leaking out of you anyway.

Michael approaches things from a new angle. Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani and Jason struggle to make a collective decision.

Let's focus on the positives.

So it's gonna be a hard pass on Superdork Jones over there.

very well these days.

♪ ♪

No version of heaven for anyone would ever include

I'm sorry, Janet, got to reboot you

Attempt 32.

Did you just say I'm in the Bad Place?

This is your soul mate, a golden retriever.

This is the Bad Place!

and there's a rumor that Daveed Diggs is coming back.

[slo-mo whirring]

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

I mean, look at that. [gibbering]

♪ ♪

We keep fighting with each other.

This is a real low point.

Fingers crossed.

I speak for the entire crew, Michael. We're sick of it.

But that's just my demand; all 318 of us

that it would be a dead giveaway?

and you're already tuning out?

♪ ♪

Michael really screwed this up.

Those suits are really itchy for us.

Okay, but what do we do, panic, freak?

How do we know she's not a part of it?

I knew it was bad for the environment,

Yesterday, she told me that she was Taylor Swift's best friend

Choo-choo.

What?

and we pull it off, we'll be heroes.

but I'm gonna move past that in the name of unit cohesion.

you are going down.

how "attempt number 2" is really going.

Usually Chidi's in the mix. Sometimes Jason is here.

and that is, what do we do next?

because I walk in on you while I'm masturbating.

Yeah, just to help you out a little,

Catch that magic panda. Use her powers."

Uh, I mean... Jason?

Oh, yeah, real quick, you're really in the Bad Place,

We're trapped in a warped version of

You're just like those childhood bullies

Chidi is so annoying.

Let me just cut to the chase.

All right, what happened in the first one, so I'm all caught up?

Very funny, but that... that's obviously not real.

Mindy, you pervert!

See, after I watch the porno I made starring you,

Michael continues to work out the kinks in his grand plan. Meanwhile, Eleanor stumbles across a secret.

some nice, individual torment.

like, I got her, you know?

Okay, reminder: the most important thing tonight...

she stole all the cocktail shrimp,

There are gonna be days when you're just sick

"Pull out some fingernails, toss someone in an acid pit,

So, "torture" on three.

Can you come back?

Or what are you?

- Where are you all from? - Well, oddly enough,

I always prefer talking to people anyway.

bye-bye.

Just getting to know everyone in the neighborhood.

in this neighborhood.

I loved, um...

Can I say no? It doesn't feel like

So, long story short, my heart is in the Pope,

Oh, you're serious. Again? Right now?

Aw, don't be nervous. Here.

you were an environmental lawyer.

Nope. Something's off.

- Yes? - Ah! I knew you weren't a soup.

So there really is an afterlife.

Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers.

Chidi, you were way better than all of them.

- books! - No, no,

It's a rare occurrence, like...

According to the system, either Pedro or Chidi

- my strong suit. - I know that, buddy.

This has to be your decision.

I'm Denise. Welcome to my pizza place.

- What was your thesis on? - Oh, gosh.

and I wanna read it so bad!

I kind of want to hear what Chidi thinks.

on a gut level, I think I would say

I corrected that day's events for all of you,

No one said anything. I didn't hear anything,

This is fun.

Would I say you look better than anyone else here?

Why isn't anyone talking?

See, I was a trapeze artist in an illegal circus

It's been a little uncomfortable.

Stop! Please don't make this harder

My name is Eleanor Shellstrop.

When I got here, some robot lady appeared

that whatever-lady's robot mouth.

to talk to him, and this Zen-master guy

means anything to me,

Having had their memories erased by ambitious master architect Michael, Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani and Jason again settle into the Good Place, unaware of what has previously transpired...except that Eleanor discovers the one clue she had left for herself and attempts to piece things together.

But this new character, "Denise"... I mean,

that make her realize she's in danger

that there's a better way to make humans miserable.

Okay, Chidi, where are you?

People... are like nature's apps.

Oh, that's Jianyu, a Taiwanese monk

And as such, I was just hoping that you could

I'm gonna head to the gym.

you were an environmental lawyer.

Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi.

I'm sorry, Chidi... all the great philosophers in history...

Oh, no. I don't have one, do I?

This is Angélique, Pedro, and Pevita.

Buddy, you gotta trust me.

"The Works of Alain LeRoy...

But, if I had to say...

No! We did not.

No, I wouldn't say that. Do you look bad?

Oh, well, uh...

- Yes? - Ah!

So, for some reason, at some point,

and I've got my own problems to deal with.

and you raised money that ultimately funded

I didn't want to say anything, but...

Great.

which is fine, it's just not what I'm used to,

of all things, here in paradise.

And even though I wasn't the "number one point-getter,"

Look at that terrible placement and angle.

some are romantic, but what you have

because you'll always be right next to each other...

It just feels like I used to be Real Eleanor,

I hear your concern.

- she's not drinking. - Eleanor's not drinking?

No... the note you showed me before.

because she thinks she belongs here...

so that's what I've been saying.

Right now.

I don't know, dude!

I don't wanna go back to my yogurt.

to Scanlon, we must have been studying very intensely

I interrupted your big speech, badly stained my cargo pants,

This is the wise monk

Sure, why not?