Vice Principals

I cut a highlight reel of the footage we shot.

Now you don't want to be having some illicit affair with some teacher.

I can't just say, "End of the line"?

It's all really a blur.

I really appreciate it.

What are you trying to say?

We won, bitch. We fucked... you up!

- I'll show you a bitch! - Belinda!

Ah, yeah, motherfucker, come on.

I got your shit! Synced to all my devices!

on the superintendent's desk by tomorrow.

Now go. Go on.

Hey, man.

I love that girl, man.

Okay. Continue.

Maybe I ain't expressing myself right.

Actually, I haven't seen her since yesterday.

We don't know if it's legal issues.

Would you stop trying to be Columbo and figure out all the crimes.

I mean, what's important now, though, is not who's gonna be

Uh, Ms. Snodgrass, can you please have some respect.

When you got so mad about Bill Hayden,

I was introduced to you by Welles,

Well, I guess, Belinda Brown just, you know,

Yeah, yeah, of course, Yeah, whatever.

- Whoo! - That's amazing!

But seriously, congratulations on the job.

but since you guys are here, why not now, huh?

and it makes me shake my head,

I look all bloated like Gamby.

You are a true black heart, my friend.

Why don't you take a compliment, God.

Amanda, I just wanted to say I'm sorry

I know that I'm not an easy person to be around.

Amanda, that wasn't a fluke.

I won't fire Bill Hayden. I just said that just because...

If it were up to me, I'd kick all of y'all out of school.

Shit got me turked up!

Because the drinking, that's behind me now.

I... I respected the fact that you related it to your own struggles.

No. I mean, I don't care for that man one bit, so...

- Bitch. - I'd never wear pants like that.

let the court of public opinion do the rest.

Russell, are you crying?

The mission is always my top concern, okay?

when you forced us to sell Shadowfax?

This is Janelle's choice, not yours.

You suck at it. Let's go.

You know? Nothing more, nothing less.

and bless these men at this table.

we been discussing some stuff.

'Cause your ass just got here.

You want me to say it again?

You should take a picture. It'll last longer.

Are you blind, Gamby?

Because, yeah, we did. Is that what you wanted to know?

- What are you, 12? - You can fuck Bill Hayden,

Mr. Gamby, have you put any thought into what we discussed?

She looks overwhelmed.

This is not about your mom, Christine.

Look, I love y'all.

You know what? That's all right.

Is it because of the whole Bill Hayden thing?

Gamby, don't go.

Honestly, I'm... I'm of no use to you.

and... grab a bite or something, talk about it?

I gotta get up here...

When I get back, shit gonna get real, Mr. Gamby.

Fuck you, motherfucker!

Ooh, I'm not... I'm not even here.

Keep walkin'! Keep walkin'.

Yeah, yeah, go down. Go... go down low. Get low.

Pee on your motherfuckin' car.

Belinda: Yeah!

Oh, I don't know. Probably some stupid sports thing.

I need you to stay in here all day

- I just... - Hey, you smoke weed?

- You are... - Sir...

- What a loser. - I hate today. There's no kids here to bust.

- Ow! - Sorry.

just so it doesn't stick to the bottom of the frying pan.

You want to get the plates for us to eat it on?

Large black male.

Exactly why I had to leave your behind.

Uh, yes, look at my jeans.

- ♪ Clap your hands ♪ - Give that to me.

Huh? You call him again, I'm gonna beat both y'all asses!

You will place the card upon your forehead

It's definitely the hardest job in the world.

- Do you want to cheat on her? - Can we just play the game?

Am I making enough money to support my family?

You're a dirty truck driver.

I wish I could. See, those were good insults about them.

- Don't be you, Gamby. - Got it.

No, I wrote a YA novel, not a kids' book. Actually...

- Pssh! Nordstrom Rack. - No, real Nordstrom.

Hey, sorry, I have Janelle's phone.

Never should have married that man.

Well, that... That I can understand.

and how she doesn't love me anymore.

Y'all ever seen real pussies before?

Maybe there's some secrets y'all want to share with me?

Well, I'm really not supposed to let you leave this room.

Hayden came at you pretty hard.

All right, all right. Here it is right here!

Dascious is here! Into the school.

Okay, all right, I'm high now.

But... but those boys can't unsee what they saw.

Now, fool, get out of that booth so we can go get our boys.

Your mother is on her way back to the office right now.

Oh, shit. Refreshing as hell.

We never showed Dascious the music hall.

Faster! God! You're going on a diet after this.

Oh, let me look at you!

Come on, come on!

But, I don't know, I think you might like Bluffin the Wizard.

- Somebody lost? - You wish, kid.

- I'll see you later. - Yeah. Me too.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

I bet you were every bit as attractive at 13 as you are now.

- which is, like, a classic hobby, you know? - Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, you're welcome. - Wow.

Oh, well, Ms. Snodgrass, I appreciate your help with motocross,

Go on. It's fine. It's over.

- Take care, bud. - Just get... Just get inside!

- Awesome day for a motorcycle race. - Wow, Neal.

Honestly, sweetheart, no, it's not cool.

Whoo!

Reputation is an idle and most false imposition

Defend your reputation with your life,

Just send them back.

Yeah. You told me to. You told me to get involved.

Uh, Neal, pull the clutch in.

I... I don't have time to practice a bunch.

Knock, knock.

and shove 'em up your pretentious ass.

If you want to go twelve o'clock, Neal,

Goddammit. Something's wrong with this stupid bike.

Yes, Neal!

Fuck that guy.

Don't have blue balls, so stop saying it 'cause I don't have it.

and sometimes...

She's exaggerating.

- Did you find those books yet? - No, I still haven't found jack shit.

and I'm sure at some point,

and you can't answer where those books went.

Timing couldn't have been more perfect!

I suggest we get started on some kind of a letter-writing campaign.

- Oh. - This the girl we've been hearing so much about?

- I'm gonna do it again! - Dad you're ruining this for me.

I must have called 10 times.

Oh, I know you'd do the same for me.

Move, move, move!

Hold up for a second. Demetrius Todd!

We had a pretty mouthy senior class last year.

so kids are gonna run wild. Sounds like a great idea.

- Ooh! A popcorn machine! - Ooh!

Are you threatening her?

(scoffs) Yeah. I'm just so sick of it.

in my life right now, Gamby, and I could really use a...

You're just a... A fat-ass,

Fuck this!

You bitch!

(metal music playing)

and I would like to report a disturbance.

♪ Busted by Lee Russell ♪

that Travis Knight is still alive.

Okay, that's not exactly how we're gonna do things here, so let's back it up.

for you to know that information?

Seychelles knows a barber who's very gifted.

- (buzzing) - Stop.

- Out of the corner of my eye. You do. - A little bit?

Yeah, only when you guys go really late.

Oh, one more thing.

Mi-Cha's upset.

I... Trust me, I know she tends to exaggerate.

Tell me, what skin magazine did you order her from?

Oh, you can't be coming up in the school

And Seychelles, a lump on a log.

Plus y'all go off in the woods together all the damn time.

Muscles? Does... does he look like a bodybuilder?

You're getting hung up on the wrong details.

I want each of you to tell me where you think

How about this?

I just got my own things going on in my life.

Now I'm left to do the project all by myself.

Explain how you feel.

and I told you before to keep this fucking...

- you little bitch? - (groans)

Sure. I think so.

Where'd you get the acid, Barry?

- I most certainly am. - That's what I'm talkin' about.

Hmph. Didn't think so.

I got assigned to be faculty advisor

To paint the sign, not to do dick sucks.

Bosses and employees cannot fuck each other.

We'll... we'll talk later.

Pay attention to the game!

- If she can fit! If she can fit! - 'Cause she's so big

Did you all skip class on the day the house burned down?

Now!

if we took, like, a shit in that big fountain of theirs?

Whoever did this is vile.

not necessarily your cunt.

Someone defecated in our fountain.

but I have a school of my own to run

Rams! Rams!

Please do not underestimate the decorations, okay?

and it's gonna be the Warriors.

I needed a... I needed a fresh start.

But Derby High was actually pretty good.

Go Warriors!

And I'm not proud to admit

But I am standing here today as living proof

Hm? That we're just no damn good!

Oh, and I see you, Beth Chapman!

Whoo!

I gotta admit, it was pretty good.

Are you talking about dosing the team?

Hello, Taylor.

Uh-huh. I see the resemblance.

Go Warriors!

- Lee, let go. - Let go.

Just get out of here! Go!

We can do this!

Um, actually, no. I'm chaperoning Bill Hayden's

Hmm...

- Mind if I have a word? - Mr. Gamby, what's up?

Well, the thing is, Mr. Russell is not

A field trip? Brown is bleeding out

Don't talk about my dick being wet.

I'll see you on Monday, you little horny dog.

I'm noticing some inconsistencies.

But I told her she had to ask you first.

♪ ♪

I sorted out and now I'm here.

because that is not what happened. (laughs)

♪ ♪

Uh, I wonder what type...

Uh... you know, to be, uh... it's medieval...

Unless... unless... if I may interject here,

Because that's gonna be enough and that's enough.

Guys, you'll also see the various characters from settlement life,

(classical music plays)

Your turn... your turn's up. Snodgrass, you're staying in.

- Give it to me. - He said it's really good.

I'll check out the chill suite. Turkey legs didn't do anything bad to me.

♪ ♪

Hey, how are we doing over here? Can I get you guys anything else?

You're welcome to stay and finish your food.

You ever been to Colorado?

(laughs) What, does wine make you tell jokes?

it looks so stupid, how it's on that one side.

I need you to wrap up all my stuff. I'm taking this to go.

Party's over, party's over!

- Where are they? - They're hooking up.

No, I don't want a mudslide, that's not even a drink, it's a dessert.

they would've called the cops by now. Be glad I'm cool.

(scoffs) Do you have a crush on Ms. Snodgrass?

- I'm sorry, what? - Yeah, you heard me, Bill.

(laughs) Totally. Useless.

Hey, listen, um, about what I said last night.

- Okay, yeah. That'd be cool. Uh... - Okay.

Yeah. That's easy.

I'm okay. Oh, my goodness.

Dr. Brown.

Does that sound good to you, Mr. Gamby?

I'll be seeing you too, "Sis-son."

- About $800 behind. - Oh...

Mm-hmm.

and, uh, one...

She's very friendly to people,

Then we've given her enough time, haven't we?

Are you okay, sweetheart?

Why?

you're terrible at emails,

so please choose to be dignified.

- and tell him he can't retire -

We gotta act quick.

Now, stay here!

- Pick something. Anything, Gamby. - No.

Fuck this mug!

- Whoo! - Booyah!

Let's do the whole fuckin' place.

I mean, who the hell is even running this school?

- Yeah. - Look, Ray, please don't do this.

Hmm?

The thirsty woman who resembles a bowl of shit rice

when we were tearing up all her shit.

Where you think I fucking got it?

gazed on that field of slain soldiers

- I can only imagine... - Do not interrupt me, Mr. Russell.

He can be trusted."

for being a bright spot

Oh, dear heavenly Father,

Ms. Snodgrass, I know that it's probably

Uh, I deal with them on a regular basis, all right?

Do you understand me?

I'mma check my email.

- But, um... - "But, um", what?

You know, how... how do these children eat food?

♪ To never have ♪

No.

there's a brand new principal in town,

I know you like to think about my dick, but don't.

I know. She's gotta keep the heels down though.

I'm just impressed.

Hey, Dad.

You're looking at

Come here.

Hope you're having a wonderful evening.

Yes, this is Principal Neal Gamby.

Good to see ya.

- Hm. - Someone with a lot of experience.

- Oh! - Fuck you, Russell.

Well, she's gonna run this school into the ground. That's the issue.

Y'all never backed me up before.

I hate that you're about to see me like this,

God knows it did your mom.

No, they don't.

So how's I.S.S. been treatin' you?

maybe stick a textbook in your mouth and go to fucking town.

- Walkout? Like, leave school? - Yeah.

Matthew Potter's a good kid, and, uh, you were right,

But, uh, I just wanted to let you know that

Sounds like you up to something to me, Mr. Gamby.

Super dope.

Say who hey?

I... I know. I tried.

Yes, Lee. Thank you.

"Dr. Brown only cares about herself.

I can live with people resenting me.

Now, I would like for you to come in two hours earlier every morning.