The Magicians (2015)

Quentin, Eliot, Julia and Margo enact a risky plan to protect Fillory; Penny questions fate, and Kady makes a deal to help him.

that kills entire tedious species of wildlife,

it wasn't how I wanted it.

just gonna make a couple pit stops first.

Which is a... a good thing.

the way you're relating to that couch is not unknown to me.

[ethereal music]

My book? Why?

if we subscribe to a "free will" view of the universe,

What the hell is wrong with you?

the same space and time, but two dimensions.

[croaking]

Ember is dangerously bored of Fillory.

It will draw Ember.

You gave her the no-secret-cutting shit

You chose to be a king. This is what that means.

so don't.

♪ ♪

But it could be if it were applied to not trying to fix the unfixable,

Coming back from the fairy world

- Look... - No, I need to...

It's not the same. Let's not pretend it is, okay?

It's maybe a little, uh...

Wait, didn't I banish you?

- Right? - Mm-hmm.

Well, then, let's get it over with.

Isn't it wonderful?

Martin told me you died...

Brother, please?

I've met scary gods, and you?

♪ ♪

Hungry?

married to something so completely disgusting.

_

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Excuse me.

to stay ready for its return.

even the pointless vampires are all as they were.

Julia, Kady and Penny each make sacrifices to finally face Reynard; Quentin and Eliot learn a disturbing truth about Fillory.

[suspenseful music]

in here for a minute, okay?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Mayakovsky said to start with really bland food,

So instead of going through the magical dismemberment door,

I--wh-- How are you here?

to a dragon in exchange for tickets to the Underworld.

Meh, let's skip the ceremony.

Say it, Tick.

♪ Handsome and wealthy? Is it 'cause I'm a star? ♪

With the right help, I can do good.

John, tell her what you told me

- What do you--? - No, no, no,

but he's not gonna actually let anything happen to her,

I-I thought you were banished.

I've never seen anything like this.

By the way, he's really misunderstood.

to the Poison Room, including mine.

so we've got that going for us.

Here.

And you would waste so much of what you really are.

♪ ♪

"The clock was an unremarkable thing on its surface.

Yeah.

That it's all real. You--you've been to Fillory.

Now, decades, no pattern, no trace.

Do you ever think about where you'd be if he hadn't--

Listen, I wish we had time to talk this through,

Why can't I do magic?

Do you know what magic is?

What is it that you enjoy about Fillory?

Oh, damn it.

Give up, Children of Earth.

[whoosh]

♪ ♪

That's been on his bucket list for centuries.

But heed my warning.

That can't be good.

[dazed laughter and coughing]

I know you're here.

[chuckles]

Why do you care?

[solemn music]

Quentin and Julia undertake a difficult journey; Eliot faces mounting catastrophes in Fillory; Margo attempts to fix the bad deal she made; Penny finds a new ally.

Really.

We have a lovely blend of--

Take me somewhere we can become a bit better acquainted.

Enjoy your wait.

Especially after a prolonged separation.

But souls do stay a while,

Now, I'm afraid study time is over.

And now...

All of them.

Let me know you're okay.

Incepti-sex.

Right, of course it is.

We're in touch with Matthews, Bauer, Wheeler.

True, you've only used it instinctively,

That's it?

We're actually not dead, either.

Ow, yeah! Whoo!

on helping out a person who looked like this.

- You wanted to talk? - You lying son of a bitch.

which you made the mistake of overlooking.

what do I get to call you outside of work?

Wait, if they all say "E"...

Becca!

I know that you always find a way to do the right thing,

We should hurry.

The girl in the room is gonna die anyways.

Yeah. Yeah, that does sound like her.

The Rattening, now reports of upside down rain.

- Why did I just say that? - Hah!

What are you even doing stuck here?

I can't lie.

And see that she gets her coconut oil.

It's okay.

I think you just overwhelmed him a little.

Those women were hardly victims.

You loved her.

Well, you'll run yourself dead,

Oh, hopped into your mind when you hopped into hers.

Free will, I exercise that shit.

Quentin helps Julia with her search; Eliot attempts to win over his people as Margo tries to keep a devastating secret; Penny and Kady become caught between two magical factions.

is that you are a searcher.

Hey. I'll take that.

sympathetic.

Let's go.

Kady, we've allowed you here to assist in Penny's transition.

But still, why ask me?

doing so good.

Please, Quentin.

Didn't the Norse Gods kill each other, like, all the time?

but I'd have to do the research on my own time.

Your marriage to Idri means a stronger kingdom

would Q look at me like I'm evil?

But half of Fillory eats boiled mutton.

Stuff about the afterlife is super wonky.

Well, you can't. It's already happened.

What do you mean?

We're looking for Harriet.

She said we don't look like librarians.

You write listicles, and you do magic in your spare time?

how about "Drunk Guys Eating Kids' Vitamins"?

Well, I was looking for the kind of knowledge

I was testing the potion for you.

Is it, Margo?

But it means so much to me that you want to.

I mean, I can't be the one

Now can you find me some shit to help with my hands, please?

Okay? The hex didn't make him do that.

That is why Howard sacrificed his life.

The Flexion is a fold between two different realities.

Touch nothing.

To my quick-thinking Bambi,

- Shit, shit-- - You saw it?

I searched everywhere for it.

I don't know.

but in this world, I love you.

Quentin nears what could be a dead end to his problem; Eliot risks his life for his kingdom, and Margo makes a costly bargain to protect him; Julia, Kady and Penny find a possible ally.

- No, Your Majesty. - Highness, if I may,

They have talking trees here?

I'm not talking to you.

The intel I'm getting on King Idri

All opponents dead.

- See? - Wow.

while preparing to do battle on behalf of my mythical kingdom...

My grandpa was the royal family's favorite sword smith

All my life, I've put my family first.

Let's get to it.

We don't need him. We need his energy.

We are not, not, killing a U.S. senator.

Fairies?

And never keep information from me again, okay?

Yeah, right away.

You know what I'm thinking about?

Typecasting.

Ah!

Oh, I can almost see it...

I mean, why not?

What the hell is this thing on my neck?

Blackout. The wards are down.

And in return?

- What? - Because you question him,

Look, what you have, it is bigger than--

that you will do exactly what I tell you.

No rush.

Wish I had a choice, but one of us has to die,

God damn it.

Hurt them? No. Never.

Praise Ember's strength and Umber's wisdom.

That's all you see anymore, is what you want.

I can't believe you actually won.

apparently all monarchs on this glorious, magical planet

Margo feels the pressure of ruling; Julia's friends question her behavior; Quentin faces the repercussions of the deal he made; Penny finds a way to help Kady.

Hurry up.

Honestly?

Hey.

So let's take advantage of that.

Unless they're carrying my child.

Someone's had a little, uh,

There isn't time.

[door opens, slams shut]

long allegiance with Loria

I'm bored.

I have the right to know what I've been doing.

What does it matter, Q?

No, we don't. Believe me.

Bound in service to the library

[sighs]

Something's wronger than usual.

that tried to rip your heart out of your chest.

Hi.

Since when are you that good at fixing anything?

in, uh, Basics in Vedic Prognostication.

30.

Okay. Can you step out for a minute?

She thought of everything.

Give us some air, but stay close-ish.

[blows]

Negotiations are over.

♪ ♪

You play too much Dungeons and Dragons.

So I researched your weak spots instead.

I mean, there's a ton of kid bones in this sandbox.

and kick their fucking asses like you wanted to.

I want--I--

What are we drinking to?

we're gonna find the son.

You want your dick sucked? Great, I can do that.

Wait, uh, no, no, just, uh,

[religious choral music plays]

I thought them God's most perfect

I can't be boxed.

♪ ♪

But it is.

This is your body trying to hold a niffin inside it.

I'm gonna deliver.

Julia and Kady enlist Quentin, Margo, Eliot, and Penny for a magical heist.

foremost expert on all things me?

No, no, this is making me saner by the second.

But you can abort it, right?

We expect to clear said water shortly.

Ones connected to the Federal Reserve do, yeah.

Okay, but, Jules, we got to move, okay?

The fetus' élan vital is...

especially to hedges.

Jules, I don't know what to say.

and doesn't trust me and doesn't listen to me.

Hey.

Also, Fillory is seriously, dangerously stone-cold broke.

You gonna ask the traveler you just fucked the shit out of to help?

So lucky you.

is, those companies are all owned by Magicians.

you're fucked.

Relax, dummy.

- I'll be fine. - Why?

like this wooden spoon...

so you got two options.

Either one of us could run it.

meaning you are.

Librarian, Neck Beard, and White Privilege.

Took you long enough.

Your head. Your dreams.

the bees are resisting extermination

The Wrecking Ball is a weapon of peace.

♪ Beat, bam ratatata tatatatata ♪

Penny! We're getting you out!

Great.

Listen, you only have four rewinds.

Quentin strives to help a friend who is suffering; Eliot and Margo's negotiations take a shocking turn; Julia and Kady discover a possible key to stopping Reynard.

My children loved me.

Okay, okay...

Uh, I mixed up your dose. It's on the counter.

Hoboken, New Jersey?

- a unicorn milk latte. - I was joking.

you heard...

So she's only shown herself to me that I know of.

Well, anyway, you see the ancients had

Your majesties, the much-venerated Emissaries

Loria depends on the Wellspring's tributaries,

Listen, Princess, I'm not a sharer,

This is very bad.

as soon as you come around to my offer.

interesting in a sometimes- you-like-Thai-food kinda way,

Wait a minute.

specifically, the one Khufu built to house

No, Daniel, you don't have to do that.

- I'd make sure that you-- - Jesus, I'm not marrying you.

And you've mastered what?

I had no idea if you even would come.

You had it?

Margo? Hey--whoa!

I, uh--I'd much rather have you owe me huge.

Okay. Show me where.

while in labor with his child.

Not even a trickster can find us.

Must've been some negotiation.

So remember, you have to tell the truth.

Will you just for once in your life

Ugh.

well, let's just say it stuffed me in a place most convenient.

Quentin adjusts to his new life; Penny seeks help from an unexpected source; Eliot and Margo contend with the dangers of ruling; Julia and Kady discover another consequence of Reynard's attack.

Hello?

Yeah, that's literally the definition of "news."

with a crazy, medieval blowtorch.

- You're not smiling. - I'm sorry.

But maybe an exchange.

Sorry, that was stupid.

Until there's no spell left and you're just--

My father was not the best...

Dungeon.

For the symbolism.

Fine.

- I want an abortion. - Okay.

and you can help me.

And I'm Bayler, a proud soldier of Fillorians United.

Unless getting kicked out of a fivesome counts.

You make it sawdust.

Adios.

Take your balls out of your purse and drink.

and that's next on the list.

That you changed your face for a professor

Wine opener.

Shit.

You came to Brakebills only to ease your suffering.

I cannot leave. Thanks for reminder.

It was that...

It's an illusion spell.

And can you maybe try a Russian accent?

Um, hey, I-- I've gotta get home.

It is after much deliberation that I have decided...

Fen's pregnant.

Dr. Higgins will be ready shortly.

Uh, Julia Wicker.

You can travel to Fillory.

I'm not a FU Fighter anymore.

Try it and see.

Quentin and Penny embark on a quest; Margo works on a way to help Eliot; Julia seeks an old friend's help.

blow all our cash on sappy nonsense,

I wasn't done being me.

Oh, you mean the brownouts.

But, um, Quentin's pretty banged up.

and I wasn't so experienced when we were first together,

Made you a sandwich... half an hour ago.

You... you saved my life,

- Are you--are you a doctor? - You're at the retreat...

Look...

Good day. My name is Sawbones. I'll be examining you.

Are you shitting?

unless, of course, we're wrong about the fine print

Damn it. It's like a library LoJack.

You guys!

He's usurping me. My entire kingdom is at stake.

First things first-- find an ax.

You are so fucking pathetic, you--you--you floppy-haired,

You're a first-year?

- What? - I do...

If I had middle fingers,

She lives in the Darkling Wood.

It means they're active at dawn and dusk.

Ember shat in the Wellspring.

when you dove headfirst into another world?

They more, like, gave it to us.

Right or left?

Julia?

Well...

What?

I know how you feel, man.

We weren't her friends, remember?

For better or for worse.

It is possible, but you need to do it.

No. We each get a wish,

Quentin and friends prepare to face The Beast again; Julia conspires with The Beast and their new ally to lure and trap Reynard.

I know exactly what you're planning.

It was a warning. Something The Beast said.

This is hard for you. I get that.

No, no. Not just Eliot. Alice and Quentin too.

So, tell me, what happens after the tenets

What I need, Benedict, is a dagger.

That doesn't help us.

Yeah. Or Reynard won't show.

What happened? Where are we?

I ask to gaze upon you. To hear your voice.

It's a figure of speech.

Aah!

If Reynard had killed Marina,

before he's finished with his prey, n'est-ce pas?

Shut up.

My fingers are a little numb due to the anti-curse things.

The wards around this place were deceptively advanced.

You know, it doesn't take Freud

So rare for someone to try to summon Our Lady on their own.

You witches and your familiars.

Uh-uh.

Hey! Stay back.

Welcome back. Loser.

Well, we are down two cacodemons.

and no, thank you.

No! No...

Get off me!

- Not my problem. - Fuck.

Ember's temple is nearby,

Come on.

to earn back your trust.

No, I'm saying that I'm not just that guy anymore,

Mainly number two.

Oh, my heavens. Look at the time.

Quentin Coldwater!

Oh. Oh, but then you're going to miss it.

Alice, stop!

Let's finally finish this.

Quentin, Alice, Penny and Margo seek a new weapon; Eliot struggles with being king; Julia and The Beast find an unexpected ally.

Because why should anything be easy?

♪ The more you love a girl ♪

You're an absolute savage, Julia.

It was so long ago.

that no one ever passed.

Oh, well, technically, the Leo Blade cuts my throat

To the first bottle of Fillorian champagne.

Look, I'm okay being a king,

Oh, boy.

Oh!

Strongly. She was fired,

- So where's Victoria? - Traveling.

If I'm wrong, raise your hand.

If it hurts, then...

probably bat-shit crazy, but she's not wrong.

Which no one in Fillory knows how to do.

The smell of wet hay.

Professor Bigby was brilliant, impatient, stubborn,

but I'm afraid that it will be very hard to find.

"Tat Loosens Hippo," "Opine Path Stools."

- Nada. - Ugh. Professor?

"Island made of streets" is Rhode Island.

You said anything.

to do it blindfolded, shackled, and hopping on one leg.

So Rhode Island was just beginner's luck.

situation?

I couldn't have you infecting my students then

Keep all questions and answers short and to the point.

then they would have it, which you well know, Henry.

I will need to find some way to blow off steam.

I mean, it was amazing reading about how

But not for long. Hmm?

The spell says it has to be tight.

Look, um, I'm not supposed to tell you what I'm gonna tell you.

when we make our move, okay?

Well, I can never get buried in a Jewish cemetery.

In the aftermath of their clash with The Beast, Quentin and his friends scramble for a new plan; Julia and The Beast strike a dangerous deal.

it's my fault.

We lost the blade, so we need a new something.

Our squad is a joke. What plan, exactly?

His...name is Reynard the Fox.

Once Reynard is dead, I put the knife down.

That would be amazing.

but his next move is to petition Ember and Umber

Castle Whitespire. Accessible to...

Look, it's not just about the carriage.

but I know Martin found it with a spell.

Uh, please know I heard every loophole.

- Mm. - Wait a minute.

20 gold pieces is customary.

I'm sorry. He gets touchy.

It's fine. They're just healing.

♪ Ground your sense of worth ♪

Y-y-you are aspirants?

What popular American television program

Ask me something about Patrick Swayze.

Oh, Your Majesty.

Would you just do it? It's gonna be quick, I promise.

Long may you reign.

Not about the sex,

Well, you can't lose me.

Then do it for me. I'm not gonna lie.

Okay.

You're powerful or you're weak.

It's called a Shade.

Do let me know if you change your mind.

Yeah, no.

Can I help you?

Fuck!

waiting for my friends to return and die alone.