Top Gear

The reason for that is they've given this car a bespoke suspension,

German racetrack as fast as possible,

It's a bit like a dog running round with a frisbee in its mouth going

You see, according to the newspapers,

more than half as much again.

I'm always getting you two muddled up.

of course, handing it over to our tame racing driver.

Right, unleashing all it's got. Chucking snow on to the follow-through.

It's not like a normal photocopier. Normally, you select the size.

But the interesting thing about it,

I bet you any money that they have wilted

Good news, chaps. No, what? There's a new Dacia.

Well, then you've got whiplash.

I've got a picture here of the hard-top one. It's so secret, this.

That's a bit like saying they should make a song called Blue Suede Shoes.

a Ford Granada very briskly across some waste ground in Saaf London.

you want to be up close and maybe see the driver's face,

'Since we weren't getting anywhere...' No!

It's a 1.6-litre eco boost with ST badges,

The idea is, get this... That's bollocks.

And to get round the speed difference,

I'd love it if they use the actual shot with me doing it.

OK, we're ready.

Over the years, we've had many guests on this programme.

all of whom were kicked out of this very same school,

but reading through your notes, also clumsiest man alive.

was skydiving the perfect hobby to take up?

but I just landed next to a dead horse.

I play a guy who's what's called a safe house operator, a housekeeper.

I have an old Paul Smart Ducati, which is a nice little bike.

That smells exactly like clutch.

'Look at it gripping. That's nicely done. Not too cheaty on the cutting.

Wow! All right!

and so far, well, there have been a few disagreements.

Three million quid - what's an engine?

then he lands, he's back on the Harley again.

Richard, I don't feel like you're giving me enough direction.

I want to catch just a whispering trace of those emotions from the sky.

Yes. That means you're going to have to have a line of dialogue

'This altercation meant the director was not in the best of moods

You go, "How many horsepower has that Ford got?" OK, right.

It depends how you deliver it.

'because a piece of equipment called a Russian arm,

You ripped its arse off. "... because then Jaguar could repair it

'how much of his money had gone up in smoke.

The team sees if you can go motor racing for less than it costs to play golf. Richard takes the new BMW M5 on the Top Gear test track. Rock legend Slash and Lotus F1 driver Kimi Raikkonen are let loose in the reasonably priced cars.

52 more than the V10,

And it's so much better for it. There's much more of that feedback.

The new M5, then, is not only better than the old one,

an M5 was worth it because it was

Now, if you take the speed up to 80, your face becomes this.

Well, clearly, you weren't concentrating

Nice.

The only way is Cheshire. There you go.

They care about people in the way in a traffic jam. "Get out of the way! Wake up James May, doesn't matter."

Maybe you should try.

The car is not too bad?

But you were asleep? Yeah, under the table. I found a nice place.

Anyway, obviously, you came down here to try it. Yeah.

to see a Formula 1 driver cocking up a gear change.

Proper wet, it's probably Jenson Button.

Now, you may remember that a while back, Chris Evans out of Radio 2

Avoid standing water. I do this in my Fiat Panda. Yeah, I'm sure.

Yes, freedom!

Look who's here. How are you?

Basically, both my parents were hippies, both involved in music.

and for some reason, I saw this in the window.

It was fantastic. It was a cool-looking little car,

Really? The Vantage is just a little bit smaller and because that engine's so big,

Braking for Chicago and driving round the corner in a brown car.

It's always a sign. It's been an interesting day.

and met up at the Lydden Hill race track in Kent.

but your cars look terrific. Hammond?

So, for the price of a bag full of golf bats,

I realised I'd spoken too soon. OK, there's 18 of you,

I, meanwhile, was in the modified two-litre class

I've broken something. Sod it!

The agile front-drive Citroen was brilliant in the mud.

High-five! Hammond, that was absolutely rostrum or hospital. I loved it.

Unbelievably, though, I started to make up places.

Well, the number of people killed last year in rallycross was nought.

I'm second to last.

If you stop and think about the scoring system here,

Right now I could be, I don't know, chatting to my caddy,

Oh, no, look who's there. It's Richard Hammond, is what it is.

Come on now!

Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May hit Donington in three stripped out track cars - the KTM X-Bow, the Morgan Three Wheeler and the Caterham R500. Back at the Top Gear airfield, Jeremy recreates the battle of Britain in an insane aero-engined Bentley and a flame spitting retro BMW. Blur bassist and professional cheese maker Alex James is the star in the Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

You see, if you want a car built purely for fun, you want this.

I have got to ask, how much? With taxes and things? Yes. £30,000.

Running? It is not a school sports day. Will you have an egg and spoon?

Yes, but that is just because you are the fittest.

James went on two.

This is impossible.

A ditch near a bend.

And the time is? 69.419 miles an hour. Is that good? I have no idea.

They're better. Why? They just are. Yes, but why?

I am not sure, with these tyres, which are so sticky, that this is going to work.

But if I've got one criticism of this car,

It's just better.

And he's off. The single rear wheel fighting for grip.

It's got a 730-horsepower V12.

it has a cut chassis, it's got, you know, stiffened springs,

Ooh, hey, listen. Hammond and I went to Moscow last weekend.

These are real pictures! It's not just cars either.

but I was watching it from a grassy knoll, and...

You're an idiot. Anyway, that is the end of the news. Now,

to power the Heinkel He 111 bomber.

This is the decompression. Oh, Christ, right!

that if you even go near the throttle, you get massive wheelspin.

'But can it really be faster than the insane Brutus?

echoing to the sound of an Anglo-German dogfight.

People are going to notice you following them.

You know that Eagle E-Type Speedster we had on the show last year?

Stig actually has to look through the steering wheel of that thing.

in 2:02.5.

Of course you are getting back together because of the Olympics.

Obviously after you'd been a Brownie

Yeah. I mean, they threw it at me in Japan,

Yes. Doing world tours, you spend so much of your time in airports.

TV screens? No, not TV screens.

Oh, nuts!

so we'll never know what happened at the end.

And what I'm saying to onlookers is, "Driving is my hobby,

Ah. Speed humps, let's... Woo-hoo! Ooh, yeah.

Right. So, they'll have... Let's think about this.

The "stop" being the button to start it, is,

and the rain is going up my trouser legs.

Jeremy Clarkson and James May pay tribute to quirky and recently deceased Swedish car maker Saab. Richard Hammond races a rocket-powered flying man against a rally-spec Skoda and Jeremy smokes around the track in the Maserati Gran Turismo MC Stradale and the tyre shredding Mercedes C63 Black. Current Doctor Who Matt Smith is the star in the reasonably priced car. MORE -LESS

Eight miles of prime Welsh rally stage.

with an air rifle with strict orders to shoot him down if he sees any infringement.

Oh, my God.

Was that a bit scary? Yes! Very. It's so fast.

who stop on a journey at a motorway services to play a fruit machine.

The other day, we heard they'd shut getting on for half their outlets,

A year or so ago they did a Mini, but at the back,

We should go to Germany with mullets and leather shorts

Yes, we could stop Brits on the last tolls before Calais,

part blocking the door of the honest working men

Right, no moving on to this - it is a Maserati GranTurismo

So theoretically, it's become a proper no-nonsense road racer.

It's the latest plunge into the world of insanity

and you think, yes, this IS a full-on racing car.

But it's slower.

it sits down there, in the bowels of the car thinking,

much like Lincolnshire, so it is easier to park

So, there we are.

before the rear tyres went down to the cambers? There's a very pretty girl there. Have you seen?

Obviously we are not going to find out here because, look,

Now the Maserati... Yes.

He is!

Do you reckon you could've been a footballist

But now, even my youngest plays Call Of Duty and plays the Nazi zombies with dogs that explode.

Presumably a lot goes with being Doctor Who that's not just playing Doctor Who.

freeze my BLEEP off, come out,

Was it much bigger on the inside than on the outside? Sadly not. What do you dream of owning?

See, that's quite angry. Oh, dear, now...

Former assistant. Yeah, I've driven with Billie. She's quick.

And you go right up there. I'll take that.

Saab began as an aeroplane maker.

So, a green car with no boot you could use,

Then you'll arrive at the bottom of the hill with your brakes completely boiled over

No, it doesn't have reverse, as such. It has reverse thrust.

Saab, pure driving pleasure.

Did you? Well, I didn't because I don't wear aftershave

It doesn't say. It just says extra. Try it. Ready? Yes.

and a car coming up the road didn't stop and T-boned us here.

Research has shown that Saab drivers are the best educated people on the roads.

Because, to save costs, it was designed in tandem

So, in 1989, Saab was bailed out by General Motors.

to see why Saab was costing them so much money.

Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May embark on an ambitious project to build mobility scooters that can tackle the wilds of the British countryside. Meanwhile, the Ferrari FF and Bentley Continental V8 are put through their paces at a unique test track on the edge of the Arctic Circle, whilst James is in Florida where he tests the Fisker Karma and meets up with AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson. Hollywood star Michael Fassbender is the star in the reasonably priced car. MORE -LESS

and it's probably the most politically correct car on earth.

And all of the interior fabrics are very, very funky

The car will do 0-60 in just a tad over six seconds.

Right, now... And... That means I have to do something, and I'm... Bugger.

That's all you needed to say.

He has brought his teenager with him. Are you her experienced driver?

It is 19 feet long, enormous. It is only 50 inches high, long, low and mean.

"if you give us another 200,000, we'll fit the car you don't actually have with a rear spoiler."

That one is blue, but they are all exactly the same.

They've killed the thing that made it unique.

to make sure that next year's models start, stop, steer and continue to work

Normally, you wouldn't dream of driving a 6.3-litre 650 horsepower V12 Ferrari, even in a light shower

is unlike anything we've ever seen before.

What it all means though, is that for the first time ever,

The interior of the Ferrari is a mess -

To find out, we need a man skilled in the potent cocktail of big horsepower and little grip.

You went into fifth, didn't you?

This is a car in which you can sit back and let the machine do the work.

Because, if I wanted a car that would get me to St Moritz,

Too big and expensive. It will depreciate like a chest of drawers falling off a cliff.

You first came to my attention, at least, in Inglourious Basterds, with your...

only three or four of my friends have ever asked for tickets for the show.

Why should we put so much effort into suppressing our most basic natural instincts?

Half-German, half-Irish. That is quite an odd combination.

May's got one of those. It's an amazing piece of equipment.

We have some footage of the preparation which we have never had to do before.

That is... The third fastest time we ever had!

Could we build an off-road mobility scooter that does not cost a fortune?

It said mobility scooters, off-road.

At this point the piece of the morning was shattered by the arrival of the local boy.

that what you can buy off the shelf off-road,

It is all this little wizard's hat.

The suspension is working, it climbed up there as if it was not there.

who will be using the off the shelf off-road scooters.

The military boys used their orienteering skills

Because we were working as a team, we decided to just leave him.

Yeah. Keep doing what we're doing.

So long, Pro Rider.

Did you hear that? Yeah, I can hear some engine.

Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond are on location with the forthcoming Sweeney movie as they take charge of shooting the film's climactic car chase. Clarkson uses his expertise to choreograph the stunt driving whilst Hammond directs the movie's lead actors, Ray Winstone and Plan B, and organises an explosive finale. Meanwhile, back at the test track James May casts a suspicious eye over the new Vauxhall Corsa VXR Nurburgring and gives his verdict on the brand new Fiat Panda. Plus, Hollywood actor Ryan Reynolds is the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

which manages the way the power is fed to the wheels.

Ow! It's utterly hopeless.

And in this, you can use pretty much all of it, all of the time.

what was the best car he'd ever driven and the answer was not

So you have to drive them on the track to have fun in them. Yes.

The air's dense and small turbocharged engines like that.

No, it didn't.

is super formed, it's very hi tech. What? How many guineas is it?

Ketchup comes out of a bottle

Yes, I will.

But they're also saying that if it is 6.5, you could get whiplash at that speed.

I've got some actual news. Don't be daft. In our news section?

Yeah, well, apart from the original Willys Jeep,

Now, if you're under 40, you may not remember

And then there was the Bond film in Vietnam and it was just

That is very clever.

The Long Good Friday. Grit, anger in there. The Long Good Friday. Anger.

To make matters worse, this isn't an ST.

He wants to do this thing where it jumps over a train.

And to get round the speed difference,

I'd love it if they use the actual shot with me doing it.

Mark, less moving around, less moving.

A lesbian.

OK!

So, how did you manage to hurt yourself? I jumped off a bridge.

and I did 12 jumps, which were all highly successful!

TYRES SQUEAL

who I'm deeply ill-equipped to deal with.

Just went deep with it, too!

Here, what is it, "Jag-yur"?

'Yeah! There! Right?'

Cos you wanted to beat Tom Cruise.

Yeah, but I break every bone in my body

'Whilst Jeremy was faffing around with his anti-lock brakes,

Ah, no, this is where there'll be another car driving away.

if you'd both give me excitement - you're in a chase - elation...

"Backwards..." Forwards, backwards, and away.

about what it does and what it doesn't do.

OK, what I've done here is I've set up a practice area

Rhythm. Do it with a Borat accent. AS BORAT: Pull the Rodney.

AS BORAT: You have to hold it down for ten seconds.

Perspex in case I hit the driver's door. Airbags are disconnected.

You ripped its arse off. "... because then Jaguar could repair it

AS BORAT: You have to hold it down for ten seconds.

This is Ray Winstone out of The Departed, Ray Winstone out of...

Jeremy Clarkson and James May travel to Beijing for a look at China's ever-expanding car industry and a violent encounter with The Stig's Chinese cousin. Meanwhile, Richard Hammond is in Texas to immerse himself in the surprisingly interesting world of NASCAR racing. Plus, the Mercedes SLS Roadster makes an enormous amount of noise and smoke on the test track, and Matt Le Blanc is the star in the Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

so they just fitted them with things... that looked like roll cages,

Now, what really helps is this. These deploy.

I mean, when I tell you NO breaks, because the car's so heavy

which means, as a bonus, you get lots of these.

And they get a lot more access than F1 fans.

Race time arrived.

We started that! We did that.

Three hours and 20 minutes of racing just flew by,

Oh, dear Lord!

Unbelievably easily amused, and that's why

"You've got a ten second drive-by penalty," which ruins the race.

What, rather than Drive And Die?

They mean is there's a new one, and it won't work properly.

I've got news from Renault,

The combination ones... Then go along the street, locking people's bikes up.

Did it make you very boring, and overly confident at parties?

That is my idea of the perfect car.

I understand that, but I'll let you into a little secret,

Or an Aston Martin DBS, or even a BMW.

The SLS is rare because it's for people who don't.

No active exhaust valve nonsense in the SLS.

between the Lamborghini Gallardo and a Ferrari Scuderia.

If you win, you've got to look proud, but not smug,

and it's bought by the American networks to be revamped and remade in the States.

we're at this drive-in theatre, and someone knocks on the door

Here.

Now, your car history is chequered, Isn't it? At best, yes.

that's not right.

I know you took your trip down here quite seriously,

HE WHISTLES

two...

The thing is, though, that people with adenoids are saying in five years' time,

China is now the world's second-biggest oil consumer,

This car... or I should say THESE cars,

It seems, then, that the expression... "copyright infringement"

It's like somebody's described Mini to somebody

You see one yet...

It's like a safety device.

At the 6th annual Chinese government procurement conference,

Underneath, it's an Alfa Romeo 166. This might be all right.

He is the Stig's Chinese cousin.

HE COUNTS DOWN

we were confident that we could take them onto the streets of Beijing.

Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May head to Italy for a supercar shootout featuring the Lamborghini Aventador, the McLaren MP4-12C and the Noble M600. Their trip starts at the incredible Nardo test track, a facility so massive it is visible from space, before heading north for a nerve wracking drive around the centre of Rome. The journey concludes at the legendary Imola circuit, a track challenging enough to have embarrassed many an F1 driver, with a timed challenge against the incredible skills of the Stig. Back in the studio, the presenters look forward to some car highlights of 2012 and another top celebrity guest takes the wheel of the Reasonably Priced Car. MORE -LESS

This is the McLaren MP4-12C.

It's a supercar. "So give it guns! Let's give it guns! Space rockets!"

That's Bugatti Veyron territory, and you know it!

I buy the argument for a flamboyant supercar. I get it.

Do Noble not have a workshop here? Not a workshop, no.

Yes, well, OK, but let's not forget, Yamaha make it,

God, it's hypnotic.

Who have you got? I've got James's. James's? Yes.

see which had used the least fuel doing it,

Hampshire. Really? Yes. That's where it is. Anyway, the news.

"You must not stop on these road markings

Very lightweight. Carbon fibre, all sorts of clever technical stuff.

And then they say,

They're in a different price bracket. Entirely different.

I bet I could drive in a sleeping bag. Right, you're on!

So, three supercars, lovely weather, drive across Italy,

It's a byword for reliability and quality. Absolutely.

It's very clever. It's active, this car.

That's not a bad view, is it? Marvellous.

OK? OK! Yeah.

Once that broke, that came away, which is not supposed to happen.

It's five centimetres wider than a Range Rover.

its intelligent computer, is doing quite well.

No! God Al-bloody-mighty!

I don't think he could see me. "Hello! I'm here." No, nothing.

Yeah. Then you put them together, like a sandwich, and then you got your product.

I think we've got a picture of it, as well. IAMAUTO 88. That is...

Can we just go into your car history?

So then I couldn't drive until I was 20.

so last thing you want is, in the cold, I have to go, "My phone is ringing..."

Who would like to see the finished lap?

There's a bit of dirt from an earlier spin coming out.

hasn't actually won anything. Nothing! Zero.

It's won me over. Completely. It's not just the best car here.

'The destination turned out to be a racetrack...

If I can remember this bit...

So, that night, each of us spent a little

you're made by McLaren. You've got the best race pedigree.

I'm going to go for 5th. I'm going to take

It will go round, it WILL.