The Office (US)

A woman who comes to the office to sell purses gets the male members of staff excited. She rejects Dwight's advances, but Michael reckons he's still in with a chance.

Well, let's put them in the hallway.

That's the in-flight magazine, some great articles in that.

Whatever you need, I'm right on the other side of this wall,

- I guess a cup of coffee would be great. - Wait a second.

- No it's not, it's... - No, really, it is.

and they're always putting up walls, and I'm always tearing them down,

The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

I'm installing file share on all the computers.

Ooh ooh, Oscar the Grouch. Right ? Yeah, I thought of that. Yeah.

interact with.

- I have a girl. - That's so...

Hey Jimmy, what do you think about that little purse girl ?

soccer moms, single moms, nascar moms, any type of mom really.

You know with stuff like work,

You know what Dwight, he's your work boss, ok ?

- I don't want a purse, purses are for girls. - Dwight, that's not necessarily true.

Oh my god ! Is this Salvatore de Chini... asta ?

This is the ohhh, this is the prettiest one of all !

- He did pick a good one. - You're horrible !

- So how was that coffee from earlier ? - It was good.

- Sorry. - Busted !

You're not prying this out of my hands.

You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin in the'80s,

God, I'm sorry, where are you going ? nearby ? Because I could give you a ride.

I should never have let the temp touch this thing.

- I know it's against the rules and everything... - No it's not against the rules,

Well, might be a ride home,

can you promise me that it will just be a ride home ?

I don't know how I feel.

Is that from the machine that was in your office ?

Yes you did.

A futon ? He's a grown man.

- Are you still mad at me now ? - Cut it out !

You seem to like to touch things, you should try the velvet.

Hey, how's it going, good can I talk to you for a second, in private ?

- What colors do you like ? - Grey, dark grey, charcoal...

No.

you know what ? Don't try to sell me one, ok ? Seriously.

- Well it's empty. - No it's not, there's some in the straw.

- What's up ? - I'm bored.

Drinks, movie, matching tattoos.

The office staff play a basketball game against the warehouse workers in which Jim shows off to impress Pam and upstage her fiancee who is on the opposing team.

- I've earned the right. - Fine, don't worry about that.

then Bridges, then Rige, then Roger, then Miter’ Rogers.

Repel her.

for a wedding that still has yet to be set.

Well, I'm glad that sometime is a busy time because whenever I'm down here,

That's him.

willing to prove himself right now, lot of passion, lot of heart...

- I have a hoop in my drive way. - No.

Hey Pam, how would you like to be our cheerleader today ?

Wear a little fancy skirt if you want.

All right. Cool ! Very good.

because me and my posse guys, we're going to be in your face.

- You're coming down ? - Yeah I'm just forwarding the phones.

if you want to save big on brand names, and Roy has to work, which he will,

OK. Listen, this is just going to be a friendly game, right ?

- Have a good game man ! - Yeah, you too, should be fun.

So Dwight you have the east German girl.

- You're sure ? - Yes.

Oh come on, what is wrong with me today ? Usually hit those.

Aw ! Ok, foul, charging,

Three ! What's with me today ?-

Jim right here, give me the ball, Ryan cut !

Is that like the robot ?

Time out !

Jim, Jim right here ! Ouch ! Hold it !

- I'm just being fair. - Oh really, I just moved my arm.

- No, I'm not coming in on Saturday. - Yeah this isn't happening.

Michael arranges a morale-boosting birthday party for Meredith and is determined to come up with the funniest message in her card. Dwight wants a pact with Jim to fight the downsizing, and Michael regrets showing off when Oscar asks for sponsorship for a charity walk being undertaken by his nephew, who has cerebral palsy.

Ok.

Spok, is there any signs of life down there ?

Well for decorations maybe we could...

She's not the only one that's gonna be eating right ?

if you and I formed an alliance.

- Absolutely I do. - Good, good.

Yeah.

Can I talk to you a second about the paper products ?

All right, there might chatting, and giggling,

Is Meredith card. "Happy Bird-day."

Here's the thing, whatever I write here...

"Meredith, happy birthday...

Toby and Kevin, they're trying to get Angela kicked off.

God !

"Mary had a little lamb"...

People out here, do not care about...

all convalescences into...

between Michael and corporate about like staff issues.

- I will not. I'm not gonna tell anybody - Ok.

Meredith bad-breath. Meredith has bad breath.

Personal information : divorced twice, two kids.

I'm trying to write something funny here ok ?

Pam says that one of the alliances is meeting...

One thing about deer. They have very good vision.

Ok. Just a second. It is perfect.

But if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box.

- Find the key. - Happy birthday.

You know what if I were allergic to dairy I think I'd kill myself.

So you just go down there, and work your magic.

the donation you gave to Oscar's charity.

Yeah well, three dollars a miles will end up like fifty bucks.

twenty-five dollars one time donation.

No, no no no. I wasn't I wasn't, no no,

This is from Michael :

- It's funny. - You didn't get the joke.

Cause Meredith has been divorced like, twice. Is that right ?

She went into an antique store and they kept her".

Ladies, not your best effort. Streamers ?

A group of people who work together.

Michael doesn't want to upset the staff so he gets Dwight to pass on news about the company's reduced health provisions. Fed up with his nosiness, Jim and Pam pretend they are suffering from a variety of conditions including Ebola, Mad Cow Disease, spontaneous dentohydroplosion, hotdog fingers, nano-robot infection, inverted penis and anal fissures. MORE -LESS

- Interesting, what's that like ? - You should try it sometime.

a healthcare plan for our office,

I just don't thing that this is the kind of task, that

If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career.

Ok we'll table that for the time being. Two, I'm gonna need an office.

If Dwight fails and that is strike too and good for me,

talked about that already.

In the wild healthcare is "How, I hurt my leg...

there is a 1200 dollars deductible.

and busy busy busy, can't step away, I just wanted to check in and

I have to make a call after I finish, my work

Still no one calling.

- You are not my superior. - Gee, then why do I have an office ?

Then why did you do that ? You work here, don't you want good insurance ?

Why would you want to raise your cholesterol ?

Michael can I talk to you ?

Cuts ? what ? Dwight did you make cuts ?

We feel good ? All right, good !

So hang in there, and I will see you at the end of the day.

You let him off all over you it's just pathetic.

is to fill this out and write down any diseases that you have,

Workspace.

Couldn't find the knock.

They give you a big pile of chips, and your food.

So let's say that my teeth turn to liquid

I'm trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost

Well that goes 300 feet in the earth but it moves really slowly.

OK ok so I don't know what the surprise is, am I worried ?

"Someone", forged medical information, and that is felony.

Government created killer nano robot infection

No ! Jim let me out. Jim, let...

- No, you can't fire me. - Yes I can, I'm manager for the day.

- No not all. - You don't have anything you're doing.

Hi, Dwight Schrute calling, acting manager Scranton branch,

Dwight, listen to me very carefully, you are not a manager of anything.

- Can I fire Jim ? - No.

There you go take one take one it's all good.

Here you go Stanley the "manly" !

The employees went crazy, I got no hope from corporate,

You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults.

A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina.

Ok great. "Germatitus". Thank you Angela,

Dwight ?

A consultant arrives to teach the staff about tolerance and diversity but Michael insists on imparting his own knowledge. Meanwhile, Jim struggles to keep hold of a lucrative contract extension.

- A 6 on 7. - I know, I saw that.

Oh hey, diversity everybody let's do it.

Thank you, sorry about that.

we believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance.

No, with more ignorance. Right exactly. Instead we need to celebrate our diversity.

What if we go around and everybody, everybody,

And it would also help me if you were seated.

I'm sorry it's an orientation, it's not a race.

Well it's my name it's not a test, ok ?

How come Chris rock can do a routine,

So we're gonna reenact this with a more positive outcome.

Kevin is a great guy,

then the other type comes in and makes a real mess.

... always want credit for something they're supposed to do !

At diversity today we believe it's very easy to be a hero.

a hero is born out of a child with trauma, or out of a disaster,

this is the kind of expresses the joint experience we had today.

and I knew all this stuff already so...

Here's the thing, this office, I think it's very advanced,

- yours is the only signature I need. - Oh ok.

Well here I am thinking that you actually cared about diversity training,

Signed, daffy duck.

I pledge to always keep an open mind and an open heart.

but a pledge, come on, who are we ? The girls scouts ? No.

Were there any connections between any of us ?

All right everybody pretty, come on, here we go, it's time. Let's do some good.

This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.

Diversity... is the cornerstone of progress, as I’ve always said.

here in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

Uh yes that probably has something to do with the camera work. Anybody else ?

let's get down to business, and why don't I, just kind of introduce myself, ok ?

But what some of you might not know, is that I am also part native American Indian.

Ok Michael, both my parents were born in Mexico

Thank you, yeah

- It must have been something - No, remember

I want you to take the card, I want you to put it on you forehead and

nobody knows what their race is, so

There's this great Chris Rock bit about how streets named after Martin Luther King,

I admire your culture success in America.

Lot's of cultures eat rice, That doesn't help me

No come on, stir the pot. Stir the melting pot, Pam !

I thought that would be too explosive, uh, no pun intended.

- I hope she doesn't mind, she has a lot of extra space. - No way ! I think she really likes this stuff

- You wanna go to the beach ? - Sure.

- Kelly, how are you ? - I've had one of the longest meeting I've ever...

A documentary crew arrives at the offices of Dunder Mifflin to observe the employees and learn about modern management. Manager Michael Scott tries to paint a happy picture, while sales rep Jim fights with his nemesis Dwight and flirts with receptionist Pam.

on the phone about quantities

I’m boring myself just talking about this.

Not to her face because,

Really? Cause I didn’t did we get a fax this morning?

that we can’t justify Scranton branch and the Stafford branch

Me no wanna hear that Jan,

Not downsizing himself but is he concerned about downsizing?

Hey, coming in today?

So do you think we can keep a lid on this for now I don’t want to worry people unnecessarily.

I have an important question for you.

Ryan Howard from the temp agency

It’s just, I don't think it's many girls dream to be a receptionist.

Dwight, what are you doing?

- Why not?

I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since Halpert got here

Come on. Six million dollars man, Steve Austin,

ok? Not today, ok? Pam just, be professional.

People I respect, heros of mine, would be Bob Hope,

And I just think all those people really helped the world, in so many ways,

Now, I know there’s some rumors out there, and I just kind want to see .

Corporate has deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me,

It won't be out of my hands, Stanley, ok?

Hold on a second, I think Pam wanted to say something, Pam?

Pam? Maybe you should stick to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings.

but I’m the head of this family,

You know, tonnage price of minal folders?

Watch out for this guy Dwight Schrute in the building!

New engine, suspension I’ve got some photos

It’s ok here, but people some how is taking advantage because it's so relaxed.

and which I hate, and it is a waste of that kind of food.

And yeah, Jim, now is the time to stop pulling Dwight’s personal effects into jello.

You should have put him in custard-y!

I’m trying to think, another desert to do.

What’s going on?

No, come on. Let’s get out of here and go home.

No definitely all right dude awesome, we’ll do

So, have you felt vibe yet?

Oh, hey do you like the Jamie Kennedy Experiment?

Just have a seat, I was gonna call you in anyway, you know Ryan?

Why? Well, theft, and stealing

because that is gross misconduct, and