In this mismatched buddy cop dramedy, an amazingly handsome, happy-go-lucky FBI agent is paired with a local, hard scrabble Michigan homicide detective. As they solve crimes together, their polar opposite methods only slightly outweigh their disdain for each other.
Aired 2 years ago - May 24, 2015
Milt survives a car bombing and enlists Russ to track down his would-be assassin, leading to startling revelations about why Milt is the way he is and what brought him to Battle Creek.
- Hey, guys.
- Is everything okay?
Joey, we made a deal.
I know you remember.
You'll realize that you're
just a bad punch line...
...over 800 felons, it's not even
a blip on the radar.
- You have?
- Yeah, I have.
...what might happen if I don't.
No, I'm not.
You don't wanna know
what I'm thinking. Believe me.
And Ioyal to a fault.
- Okay. What's your deal?
- What do you mean?
He wants me to say,
"I forgive you, Dad," but I can't.
Start over, clear my head.
Now, sometimes we don't
understand it. We can't see it...
I think I saw some rat droppings
behind the oven.
...but I wish I never
heard him say that.
...because I wanna help you
so badly, and I can't.
I feel like I'm losing everybody.
...I just had one question.
...all day long, every day,
every hour, every minute.
Because he looks at you the same
way your mother used to look at me.
God, I can't believe this.
You know, you don't have to be in
God's house for him to hear you.
Dear God, I miss him so much.
You know, I am so tired of the way
we relate to one another.
Aired 2 years ago - May 17, 2015
Milt learns more about Russ' youth when the local high school football coach is murdered. Also, Russ and Holly's friendship reaches a crossroad.
Why don't you enter?
I'm sure you have inspired ideas...
...and do each other's nails,
You're more than welcome
to crash at my house for a few.
The only person making any money
off this is Miss Windjammer herself.
- Stop it.
- You know, it's funny, Joey, but...
I'd say that's a pretty respectable
college nest egg, don't you think?
If you have a tendency
What, are you guys doing some
kind of exposé for the paper?
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you
were serious about this. I mean...
I'm gonna go sit down, okay?
I'm not the one taking group showers
at an all-girls school.
- all it has to offer. And most
importantly, ladies, have fun.
...challenging social stereotypes.
...with the Band-Aids on her knees
and the one braid falling out.
The moment of truth.
Or maybe I'll become
an actress or a model...
All this sexual tension really
cannot be good for your complexion.
...on a dig in Tunisia,
or a safari in Africa.
...they move away, and...
Wait a second. I have to smile? You
never said anything about smiling.
Could it be Cinderella's fairy
godmother did the job too well?
You don't have to be
the biggest football stud...
You may not have a chance
Singing "On my Own"
from Les Misérables...
Instead of a magic act, he will
perform a dramatic interpretation.
...because that which scorns me
deems to own me.
I don't want their money, Dawson.
...please don't judge them
by their station in life.
...for any Tuesday
or Thursday matinee is...
I know what it must have taken
for you to get up there and do that.
For you to look at me
the way that you look at Jen.
Dawson, you've had a lifetime
to process your feelings for me.
Aired 2 years ago - May 17, 2015
Milt puts his career on the line when he illegally uses NSA feeds to help a woman determine who shot her husband. Also, a local doctor is drawn to Russ' show of compassion, and Holly is frustrated that her new relationship isn't progressing.
What villain you going as? Michael
Myers or Norman Bates' mother?
What are you trying to say, Dawson?
Because the guy you dated
wasn't any fun.
He attacks in 1 00-mile increments.
That makes Capeside his next target.
- Does that bother you?
- Should it?
- Have fun tonight.
- We will.
- Dawson. Hey, wait up.
- What's up?
But I promise it's gonna be
incredibly original and unpredictable.
Once again, who's Dawson?
One of your shady pranks
you have in store for us tonight.
I am so against this.
You never steal.
Having a party?
They're really piercing.
He was lost.
He needed directions.
You two kids have fun now
and have her home by midnight...
- Dawson. Too easy.
- It's all right. I love to be scared.
I think she's really
warming up to me, man.
I have a few sister spirits
that occupy my body occasionally.
...with the door open
so she can hear him if he cries.
She's wild, you know, a little crazy.
- To check the fuse box. Stay there.
- No, I'm coming with you.
- I don't lust after him.
- Right. Denial, denial.
See? What did I tell you? Dawson
has been doing this to me all day.
No. Of course not.
You know, love is a really
They were very real
and very scary, I might add.
Then, why did you even
invite us to your house?
I don't want you crossing me
off any more of your lists, okay?
You bitch, you!
Get off of him! Eddie?
What do you mean?
Wait a minute, you're the one
that called me this afternoon.
Aired 2 years ago - May 10, 2015
Milt and the Battle Creek P.D. work overtime to locate and rescue Russ after he’s taken hostage by an escaped convict.
I haven't talked to him
in a long time.
Yes, I'm angry.
It just doesn't happen to be at Bob.
Let her know that you're completely
over her. It's yesterday's news.
- Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
- Okay, the rumor is true.
I'd like you to meet
your new lab partner.
So let's have a friendly conversation.
I also have a date,
and we're going to the carnival.
- Except for one thing.
- What's that?
Yeah. Well, yeah.
We're observing the reproductive
process of Pulmonata snails.
I'll just tell Dr. Rand that this
experiment within an experiment...
...is to be with two female snails
at the same time.
...and cancel the date.
But I... I just...
...I really wish I was taking you
with me today.
- Mary Beth. Hi.
- Dawson, a word, please.
- Sure. We'll catch up.
So let's just save
the chitchat for later, okay?
Even more amazing:
Personality like yours, and you can.
A lot of people would consider you
a lucky woman.
...that when you loosen up,
you're not half bad to be around.
I owe you an explanation,
and this time, I owe you the truth.
Okay. So if it wasn't my feelings
for Jen that upset you, what was it?
Both of them, okay?
You don't have to worry, Jo.
You're gonna make it out of here.
Do you know what I find fascinating?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means you shouldn't be here.
And do you remember your very
convincing, very heartfelt response?
Look at me and tell me
that I was wrong...
Could it possibly be your reasons
are the same as mine?
So how'd tonight go for you?
That's good. Because that's exactly
what I meant to imply.
...like kiss her, that I wouldn't be
stepping on any toes.
Nothing. Because you know what?
Because I am fine with it.
I was confused and surprised
Aired 2 years ago - May 03, 2015
Russ helps Font investigate when he is certain one of the FBI’s most wanted fugitives is hiding in Battle Creek, even though Milt insists that the man died months earlier.
...doesn't mean there's some
vacancy I'm looking to fill.
Man, if I lived 50 yards
away from her...
Take a little ride with me.
Let me illustrate my point.
So, what do you say?
I need the merit badge.
You had to do it. You had to
live up to the expectations.
Have you ever seen the guy
throw a baseball?
Don't worry. I won't tell anyone
The boys had to wrap up
a few things before we left, so...
Well, girls, gotta run. I see
Saint Dawson's chomping at the bit.
Why would you even ask me that?
...after announcing this little
road trip of ours?
She needs to talk.
You have one to...
- It's not that big a deal.
- I may be overstepping my boundary...
...and the good angel is on one
shoulder and the devil on the other?
You'll have to trust me
on this one. Sometimes...
Did you guys ever see
Oh, my God!
I want to thank you all for helping me
prepare for tonight's college fair.
You're dumber than who?
Let's see. There's...
Actually, it was your shirt.
Mrs. Tringle wants me to sign up
for that "Mommy and me" class.
You know what? Don't, Joey.
Don't turn this into a Dawson thing.
Film school, huh?
The evening snaps into focus.
Okay. Tell you what.
The girl's comic relief.
Speaking of which, Warren Gary...
Let's just say he had
a soft spot for the ladies...
What are you doing back here?
Are you pouting because
things didn't go as planned?
...wouldn't want a loser like me
hanging around, I'll tell you what.
I'm afraid I'd be getting worked up for
something that I hear is an anticlimax.
...I picked you up this morning
Aired 2 years ago - Apr 26, 2015
Milt is caught in the middle of Commander Guziewicz’s personal life when her adopted son asks him to investigate if the man jailed for his birth parents’ murders is actually innocent,
Aired 2 years ago - Apr 12, 2015
Russ is forced to turn to the last person he wants help from to assist on a murder investigation: his mother, a convicted counterfeiter and con artist.
What? Whoa, 600?
- Every chick wanted a piece of him?
- They didn't want a "piece" of him.
Hey, Dawson, get pumped.
It's your favorite time of day, gym time!
I'm really glad it's Friday.
- She did?
...if it's just a matter of time...
Thanks for the sex tips, Casanova.
I'm hungry. I want to eat.
How do I do that?
Oh, my God. That sounds
like Abby Morgan.
Hello, everyone, and welcome
to Saturday detention.
...you will spend the day shelving
books and sorting library cards.
...he threw a basketball at my face.
How about you, Jen?
What was your crime?
You ever heard of a little drug
Anthony Michael Hall got some
kind of weird thyroid condition.
Really? What do you want to play?
Pin the Tail on the Ho-bag?
All right, Abby.
Just remember, it's my turn next.
Perfect. Then in keeping
with our kissing theme...
It's your turn, Joey.
- It's a stupid question.
- Why is it a stupid question?
...so just get over yourself.
...which means she's probably taped
a whole week's worth of shows...
- I can just tell.
- Because she's checked it out.
- You guys, chill out.
- Can't we all just get along?
Me, lose this? Please.
Stay off the crack, pal.
Dawson, nice air ball.
I saw a kiss that could set the Atlantic
Ocean on fire. Don't tell me I'm wrong.
- Not with you.
- I know.
Hey, ladies! Yo! Yo!
Ladies, locker room's faster!
Yes, we were starving.
...and putting them back
into that drawer.
- Excessive tardies?
- What happened to the Ecstasy?
...Pacey can't fess up to anything.
- I am sick of you copping this attitude.
And when you call me that,
it's like you're exposing me.
And the coach came in...
I guess I'm just looking
for a reason why...
Aired 2 years ago - Apr 05, 2015
When someone attempts to assassinate Battle Creek’s mayor during the annual “Breakfast Day” celebration, Russ and Milt must protect the unorthodox politician while trying to track down the attacker.
Because we're about 80% sure
She's considered possible scenarios
detailing a God-like source...
Yes, there is something.
...this woman's gonna cave
I was hoping for something
more illicit than that.
So do me a favor. Pretend you
never asked me that question.
I really appreciate that effort,
Dawson, but it really is that bad.
But if you go through those halls
like you couldn't care less...
I don't know if the rumors
are true or exaggerated...
We actually have
something in common:
...and I become rude and defensive,
and give her more of a reason...
Which means the nearest phone
belongs to your friend Dawson...
I'm gonna start
calling you Josephine.
Okay, yeah, sure, but I...
Maybe I'm not in the tax bracket that
guarantees a prompt response...
You can't tell me anything I haven't
already heard in the teachers' lounge.
And I know that atheism is
about the least desirable trait...
And so I say to myself, "Bingo."
That's really heavy, Pacey.
...and the only thing preventing this
from becoming a second-hand story...
Girls, move that coffee table
out of the way.
No, it's Judas, actually.
I'm Caroline Fields,
Miss Jacobs' attorney.
Please forgive my candor,
Miss Jacobs, when I ask you...
A C-plus student who sits in the back
of Miss Jacobs' English class...
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but for the record...
If something's wrong,
I want to know about it!
Gram, she is losing a lot of blood.
...when I tell her what happened
in her living room.
Who does Bessie remind you of?
And I would come home,
and I would sit with her.
I mean, she didn't tell me that,
but I knew I...
Proud? I don't quite
follow you, Tamara.
...was just said
in the heat of the moment.
...and I should be at my sister's house
in Rochester by tomorrow.
But you knew that there...
...just because I'm older
and arguably more mature...
Aired 2 years ago - Mar 29, 2015
After Commander Guziewicz narrowly escapes when her home is burned down, the arson investigation leads Russ and Milt to a variety of suspects, including a string of ex-lovers and her own estranged son. Also, Russ is determined to find out who sent Holly a gift.
If anybody needs me...
Maybe on the Tom Hanksl
Harrison Ford idealistic side...
Really? I think your CD collection
would contradict that.
He hasn't cracked a book
since third grade.
If the Lord decides to blow
my house away, so be it.
- Do you wanna talk about this?
- It's got nothing to do with you... Us.
Need I remind you who won the local
Emmy and the Golden Desk Award?
Do you have some new rationale for
breaking the sacred vows of marriage?
- I didn't say that.
- We're not all as pious as you.
Instead of asking why your mother's
doing all these horrible things...
Every sentence that comes to mind
ends with the F word.
He likes to keep it quiet, being
an officer of the law in a small town.
Hon, what is it?
I mean, who watches those shows
anyway? They're all the same.
...every time that I haven't
been with you...
Well, because I needed a change.
I have a dysfunctional ex-husband...
- She's off and running.
- Bodie, don't.
It's pretty cold in there too,
and I just needed a little break.
Fears of abandonment turned into
fantasy spectacles of security and joy.
Just give us a chance to get to know
each other a little more intimately.
I have good gaydar.
The woman who never shut up.
Talk, talk, talk, all the time.
What I need for you to know...
Before I physically remove you from it.
Once again, thank you very much.
...most of the time.
But then again, he shipped me 200
miles away so he wouldn't have to.
Flirting? I don't flirt.
If you could do any one thing
right now, what would it be?
Everything I ever wanted...
Aired 2 years ago - Mar 22, 2015
Russ and Milt pit the crime-solving skills of their police dogs against each other as they work to solve the murder of a local waitress. Meanwhile, Russ tries a new tactic to get Milt to admit what brought him to Battle Creek.
I'm sorry, Pacey. I know you thought
she was saving herself for you, but...
I should get going before
Grams puts out an APB.
So I figure the next time I see you,
we are in for one titanic kiss.
Why don't you remind me again.
Not 20 yet.
Not until Monday.
Stop! Dude, you're
messing up my dailies.
Well, I'm not cursed with
self-awareness like you are, Dawson...
The guy with the brown hair
and the throbbing neck muscles...
Bizarre might be a word, yeah.
Your mom was just helping me
out with a little wardrobe problem.
- What do you think?
- I think you had it right the first time.
And as far as
Dawson and me, Grams...
Sex as a warning.
I'm not kidding about this.
I still have a lot of
pre-dubbing to do tomorrow.
...were clever enough,
they could still do almost anything.
- Seen your mom this morning yet?
- No, I'll track her down later.
There's your mom.
...you're kind of stuck here with
little more than a semi-stranger.
What I should really
do is tell my dad.
You're bored. So you lie
to me to curb your own boredom.
You've never been very good
at disguising that look...
Maybe it's me. Maybe I have these
old-fashioned ideas about fidelity.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean... But don't you
think that in certain situations...
Question of the day:
You know, I never knew you
were so bothered by this, Pacey...
And because we were in a public
place where any number of students...
I think you owe me about
seven-eighths of a conversation.
Or... And now I'll make
it really easy for you, Dawson...
She's saying, "I understand,
you're nervous about making...
...does not entirely exist, okay?
Dawson, I thought you said
you were gonna tell her.
I admit there's a strong possibility
this is not the right time...
Granted he's articulate for his age,
but he's not exactly mature.
And you've been
with other guys, right?
...and in five years, it'll be almost 1 00,
and nobody will care when I did it.
Aired 2 years ago - Mar 15, 2015
When BCPD’s police dog, Cookie, sniffs out a stash of heroin in a young girl’s backpack, Russ and Milt have competing theories as to where it came from and why she had it. Also, Jacocks travels to Detroit for a training seminar, with the ulterior motive of finding out why Milt was sent to Battle Creek.
Aired 2 years ago - Mar 08, 2015
FBI Special Agent Milt Chamberlain and Det. Russ Agnew go undercover as distillers to infiltrate Battle Creek's maple syrup cartels when a murder victim is found to have drowned in the gooey breakfast confection. Meanwhile, Det. Font White goes to war with his medical marijuana dealer.
Aired 2 years ago - Mar 01, 2015
Jaded Det. Russ Agnew reluctantly partners with charming FBI Agent Milt Chamberlain to solve a drug-related double homicide, but while Milt investigates with the high-tech resources of the FBI, Russ prefers old-school police work and instinct.
I believe I have a story
Might want to fast-forward through this.
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
- (laughter, murmurs)
- Thank you, Sandy.
Well, I-I wish you would.
You grew up in Michigan?
that was not very professional.
Rockford gets double homicides.
Ricky here says they always paid cash.
- Got it.
- MILT: Here, let me get you a bigger one.
What, you got a better theory?
facial recognition software, 24 hours,
You know that nothing goes on
down at that end of the hall
I think that these guys
were cooking meth or PCP...
Well, uh, you're welcome to stick around
The FBI have provided us
with their completed report.
No actual analysis?
Have you actually met people?
The short Hispanic.
- I go where I can help.
- Oh, yeah?
Hey, Milton, give it a rest, okay?
of every person you've ever called
You were brought up with two
parents, a dog that never died.
I hated Danté.
We don't find anything.
that we have evidence against him.
This is why I wanted to work with you.
Oh, yeah, probably at some point.
You did what? What?
You know, how I am just a small-town cop.
- And why am I so desperate
It's super cool.
Not enough to take such a public risk.
and we know that.
Possible flesh behind the hammer.
I'm looking at a picture of the
girl with her half-brother,
And we're all good guys, too.
And you didn't want to.
lives or dies.