Aired 2 years ago - May 15, 2016
Phil and Mike grow closer than ever and the whole Malibu group gets a big friggin’ surprise.
Aired 2 years ago - May 08, 2016
Todd feels left out, as Tandy warms to having his big brother back on Earth. Meanwhile, Mike learns more about Erica than the group has ever uncovered about her.
You know, I was wondering
if it ever crossed your mind
- We ran this by the group...
Well, you didn't look hard enough, bud.
Oh, well, then, yeah, you know.
Wh-What were you doing there?
with some money that wasn't mine.
then how'd you end up, you
know, here in the States?
- the most interesting person alive.
I'm talking OBB.
You're just like one of
those guys who as soon
Would you mind if I joined you, then?
I am the only single
woman left on the planet.
I can't drink, anyway.
and I'm going to spend time with him,
Here's the thing, ever
since he showed up,
It's just a cold, okay? Or allergies.
'cause you're so jealous of me and Mike.
- But I've coughed up blood,
Already on the second
trimester of my first week.
We can't be stupid about this.
Hey, why don't you come
on into the living room
So why don't you just pop in there,
This is gonna be great, bud.
- Uh, Clark Gable!
Uh, just pass. Pass on this one. Pass.
I'm taking my friggin' suit off,
and the world is still turning.
You know, first date, always hibachi,
There's no way the virus
could take down a cow
and now look at her.
Get away from him! What are you doing?!
No! Mike, you're staying right here.
and my brother shows up.
Aired 2 years ago - Apr 24, 2016
Todd has a lot to think about when Tandy and Carol ask a major favor of him. Meanwhile, Gail’s wine consumption has become an issue.
would be the old-fashioned way.
I can stomach letting
another man at your privates.
This is a chance to
keep civilization going.
♪ Loud. ♪
I thought you guys were doing great.
You know I'm sterile, right?
Yeah, me too. Yeah, I mean,
I've never told her but...
- He's a good dude. Yeah.
you know, valiantly...
Pretty ugly spot for a wedding, huh?
Carol and I are duly divorced.
and unsullied vessel for
your seed, and because of you,
and like a brother,
I'd do anything for you.
speak now or forever hold your peace.
Uh, that is, if Carol is okay with it?
Pretty ugly spot for a wedding, huh?
Sure can, yeah, mmm.
Why would I be upset?
♪ Round up ♪
- I saw his billboards,
- It's for the connubial venture.
Anyway, when we get into that sex room,
It's right here on the 50 yard line.
you know, this is the
arrangement we got, so, uh,
Look, there actually
I just think that if Woody Harrelson
Why don't you lay out
the gingham blanket.
- Fried chicken, fried chicken.
- Okay, fried chicken.
Would you like some iced tea, Mike?
- Oh, the ants are all over this picnic.
Oh, come... no, please.
and we had a pretty serious
looky-loo situation as well.
Phil, having another
person yell, "I love you,"
Aired 2 years ago - Apr 17, 2016
With little else to do, Tandy starts a prank war within the group. Meanwhile Todd establishes his dominance.
I-I just stopped by
to say hi real quick.
two girlfriends before.
Uh, things, uh, uh, get
a little-little handsy.
- Okay, I think I've got the picture.
Nice try, you friggin' piece of crap.
And then he says, "Sally?"...
Sally... Sally... Sally...
"Am I wearing makeup?"
No. No, didn't need it.
I'm gonna need an exact address, bro.
It's called a suntan, guys, I mean...
Well, I-I just want
to be completely honest
Y... although, remember,
I do have to shave off
And-and-and you deserve, you know,
Oh, yeah, this is just a little
uh, doing my neighborhood watch program.
just, uh, nothing, you know.
Why don't you look me
in the eyes and say that.
I know it up here,
I can't believe you
just threw sand at me.
hit you with the sand, man!
But I need you, bud.
is Tandy country.
Congratulations, Tandy, it's over.
Okay, okay, this has got to stop.
All right, I'm gonna go
put this in my hiding place,
has been great down here since you left.
Skidmark. That's right,
Like, I'm just not gonna sleep anymore.
Well, take a good long look at it,
Aired 2 years ago - Apr 10, 2016
Phil wants to host a party for the gang, while Todd begins a lucky streak.
We didn't get a chance
to resolve that, uh,
Well, that was, uh, a long time ago.
Yeah, my underwear were
Probably, you should have told me
Yeah, no, I wa... I
was just telling Gail,
Yeah, I'm not getting
any takers on that, so...
that couch is taken 'cause
this would probably be
the best fit for you.
You must be
we never got a chance
to talk about my balls.
I mean, you have so many periods.
I married you 'cause
I want to be with you.
Okay, almost average size sting.
Oh, look, it's Skidmark.
Oh, I almost forgot
because I hadn't heard you
And you guys, I invite you
to look at this as well.
Me, too, actually.
Okay, well then, I'm going to go down
I'm bringing a little
wine to the bonfire.
and doing such a suck job
on Phil's appendix surgery.
Yeah, he's like quicksand.
with the neighborhood dogs.
Well, play something, Mike.
♪ Ground control to Major Tom ♪
♪ To Ground Control ♪
♪ Today ♪
♪ Planet Earth is blue ♪
You just got to let it out.
That was a party-party.
And this party is BYOAR:
Bring Your Own Ass Replacement.
'cause we don't have space for it, man.
You can do it, little baby.
- Oh, just... yeah.
- Yeah, just this, just this.
I got a little ahead of
myself there, didn't I?
What do you guys think?
but that is all right,
Oh, Mike, very funny.
♪ Kicked out of Tucson ♪
Look, this is my time.
Okay, you got your faults.
Perfect Mike here had to switch colleges
Aired 2 years ago - Apr 03, 2016
Carol is back on the campaign for repopulation with Phil, and Todd’s juggling act finally puts him over the edge.
when it's dancing like
no one's watching.
Okay, this has nothing to
do with my brother, okay?
(chuckles) Well, you know Toddler.
Todd and Gail are boning.
Okay, I promise.
I'm sorry about all that...
Well, have you told Gordon
Well, I should probably head out.
Yeah, I promise I'll get you some more.
and I'd love for you to honor that!
who might be struggling with closure,
♪ Sittin' right on your face ♪
♪ Gotta say good-bye to your friends ♪
♪ Closure in my bones ♪
but I'm just so happy
he's found closure.
God, that's good news.
Regardless of what you
decide, it's fine,
every damn day."
(playing minor chords)
and for some reason I can't explain,
You know, I'm gonna be right back.
No offense, Stacy.
Now it's over.
and hurting and full
of worries right now.
and that I fixed.
Yeah... about that...
when people are in extreme
pain like that, so, uh...
As per Phil's wishes, I will, uh,
"Oh, I don't want Tandy
to raise the baby."
international motocross champion!
I mean, look at this!
"Rage! Hatin' on puppies,
so yeah, this is normal.
Good-bye, Phil's crap!
Aired 2 years ago - Mar 13, 2016
The Malibu gang seeks closure after Phil 2’s demise, while Todd and Melissa maneuver through the aftermath of her surprise proposal.
And, according to ancient law,
Phil was like a brother to me.
I mean, except for the fact
that Phil was like my brother,
Todd didn't do anything wrong.
I was just a little freaked out
I will start wearing more hats.
What would I want to talk about?
tells you how great I feel.
♪ That coulda been in its place ♪
♪ I miss you, but I'm over you... ♪
♪ Closure, closure, closure ♪
♪ Closure, closure,
closure, closure, closure ♪
when I proposed to you.
Would you maybe want to
watch TV with me later?
I just wish there was some way
that I could feel closer to you.
Doesn't anybody remember
me telling you that?"
"Philip Stacy Miller."
'cause things are about
to get real physical.
the dog is just chasing
its tail on this one,
Yeah, so I'm just gonna pop over there,
you know, real quick, show my face,
I know a man's not supposed to cry,
Come on, it's what Phil
and I would have wanted,
Then the next minute,
you go behind my back
Gone with the wind.
was a massive pornhead.
"White man always finds
but now that I think of
it, you and I are closer,
It's like you never even existed!
Aired 2 years ago - Mar 06, 2016
Mike Miller’s space capsule careening through the sky toward Earth, finally putting him on the same planet as his big brother, Phil. Mike thinks he is the last man on earth, but who knows what or whom he might encounter.
you friggin' fartface.
don't, don't, don't,
don't shoot me, okay?
I just splashed down to
Earth about three days ago.
I, I come in peace. I promise.
Pat Brown, last man on Earth.
she is a sweet, sweet mistress.
what better excuse to buy a boat?
and burn rubber back here
to this little lady...
You know, sometimes I'll...
I'll anchor offshore at night.
Well, then, why don't they call
it "an absence of color" hole?
They taste good, though.
But my, you know, my parents
and my brother are in Tucson.
Are you, are you a Scotch guy?
Yeah, I got a bunch of 'em.
Why would you want to go
do something like that?
'Cause I want to be good here.
You get a chance to have a peek-a-boo,
we're going to do it my way.
I made it, I made it.
seeing every hole of your body
evacuating blood and stool.
And that is a condom.
Because a banana's a rough shape
People talking, laughing,
radios, like, just...
There were big emergency staging
areas like this in every city.
who ended up neither here nor there.
Yeah, I'm more of a skin guy, myself.
this Italian girl, Antonella.
Just got to go back. I can
see the boat from here.
There's nothing to see!
- You beefed it so hard.
- You beefed it.
Well, go for it. See if I care.
Aired 3 years ago - Dec 13, 2015
The pressure is on as Gail tries to fix a bad situation, and Melissa and Todd try to recover from their relationship troubles.
results in death," like, a
hundred percent of the time.
That is a giant hell to the no.
and send him off with a smile.
Actually, I say
I will. But not in peace.
You son of a bitch appendix!
'Cause Uncle Tandy knows
something you don't know.
It's what I like to call
an emotional doggy bag.
There is one thing you
guys could get for me.
Very funny, Todd.
- Rolling at the club.
- I think...
James Mcmaster is more of a
skeleton than a cadaver.
Okay, God, that looks more
like my nana's junk drawer.
This is Gordon, man.
I'm spinning out!
Three times. We did it once, and
then we did it two more times.
You dirty dog.
'Cause there's a man up in that house
and appendix... every-everything I need.
'Cause it's great. -? Thanks, Tandy.
You were just saying how you felt.
How's it looking, huh?
of your unborn child?
No, I'm telling you...
and then we're gonna go right to it.
Aired 3 years ago - Dec 06, 2015
Along with most human life, the virus wiped out normal traditions and holidays. As Christmas approaches, Carol spearheads a “Secret Santa” gift exchange to spread some festive cheer.
I mean, he seems like he's really sorry.
And he's got two huge lumps in
his big old Christmas sack.
and I want it stuck out now.
I was a naughty little boy and
I didn't swallow my paper.
That's all I need.
with nothing but a bunch of worms, huh?
Just a stupid little useless worm,
Do you love it?
We do it for the surprises.
That's what makes you feel alive.
Come here, you little Vixen.
in particular I want to thank.
Thank you, God.
♪ I'm gonna let it shine. ♪
Because you mentioning God,
You got to catch that!
Hell, you're the only family I got.
Shut all the doors in the house, Erica!
It is J.lo's green dress!
Uh, uh, scratch that.
Well, put her there, bub.
I can only think of one thing.
after I do this.
Thank you, Carol.
Um, let's see.
I'd really like it if you
guys came and took a look.
I know, I know.
That's a $350 million diamond, Carol.
♪ Heedless of the wind and weather ♪
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 22, 2015
Phil 2 finds himself on Tandy’s level when he causes problems with the group.
Yeah, that's the ripping.
Why do you keep asking me about this calf's penis?
Took me a long time to learn that.
Hey, I am so friggin' proud of you right now.
It's like you said, we're family.
It's better than any of our other ideas,
Okay, in a moment, we will be embarking
Can you get to the point, Tandy?
Webster's dictionary defines the word "team"
My last name, his last name, okay?
I never thought we'd be on the same page with something.
Got that eye of the tiger.
You're just gonna leave us?
Oh, yeah, I-I thought you were gonna say,
Okay, I'm just gonna come on out and tell you what you saw.
But it just helps me.
Well, hon, relationships are always a roller coaster.
Uh, if we could just be a little more, uh,
You know, I let him out of the stocks,
"Tell them they don't have to worry
You know, you know, why don't we put a-a pin in this bull search
broadcasting from the international space station.
Just hold on one second.
Hello, this is Mike Miller.
I don't know what you will and won't tell me anymore.
No, Todd, I think maybe it's time we take a big break.
Oh, no, we're taking a breather.
Yeah, I mean, I'll never forget that time
You are gonna be okay.
how sad, how pointless life was.
But who among us is?
who strongly and forcefully tried to hit on a married man.
Just proving the point
'Cause I know that you...
a little bit more about a few things.
No, don't say "Pregnant" 'cause Melissa might flip out!
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 15, 2015
Re-population becomes a hot topic with the Malibu survivors.
It comes in waves.
So, Erica, have you thought
of any baby names yet?
But Tandy and I won't be far behind, and...
Fine. I made something for you.
What a turd.
"Grey skies for that dong.
you made for your unborn child?
Okay, so, this is for you, Erica.
It's big like a bowling ball
that's been waterlogged
Well-well, I already know the answer,
Yeah, it's do the crime, do the time.
And, uh, I guess I got to go pick that up
I mean, it-it's no problem at all.
Gail actually asked me to get
her tortilla chips, Todd.
Did she say which kind she wanted?
She's not four years old.
She keeps saying she doesn't
want to have a baby.
Todd, you have to understand
Well, don't you think you
should have told me about that?
unsalted, extra salt?
Yup. Gonna go take my wine for a walk.
Get away from me.
You'd love that, wouldn't you?
You are gonna regret
this if you don't do it.
is that I saved you... from the billboard.
the day they met you.
that movie When a Man Loves a Woman.
Okay, show of hands. Who's seen it?
I'm gonna help ya. I'm gonna help ya."
The bottom line...
Thanks, Carol. Hey, you know,
I don't know... Six months now?
Friggin' idiot fin here.
You seem loose enough.
Aired 3 years ago - Nov 08, 2015
Tandy and Todd attempt to solve an end-of-the-world power problem.
it's gonna be very tough to find fresh supplies.
Malibu's good for now, but what about when we start having kids?
Yeah. Here's the tool belt.
Hey, don't worry, Care Bear. They'll come around.
You gonna pay the bills with your skill set?
It's so nice to see the two of you fisting each other again.
What's all this?
I have, too. ?Yeah.
- Thanks, man. ?- Hey, you see something over there
Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah.
Well, maybe we should pick one of those up, huh?
Just kidding. It's Tandy.
regarding not wanting a baby, and I have to admit,
of which you never knew you ever dreamed.
Look that baby in the eyes and tell it no.
I don't know.
What about Melissa?
Well, who doesn't love a good coin purse?
Oh, I'm not! Okay.
See you in hell.
I'm so sorry. ?
That's all of 'em, Tandy.
What are you gonna do, man?
We got a rogue wire on our hands.
Well, you're on your own.
I-I don't get why she chose me over you, either.
Phil, knock it off, man! Phil, come on!
Where are you going?
Yeah, you can't do that, man. He was just standing there.
I-I didn't mean to, but I did it, okay?
Now it's Phil's turn.
- Nope. - Okay, Phil, look,
but, like, just one back and forth,
I should have done a long time ago.
Duvets. We tried duvets.
- What's he doing? - What's he going to do, punch it?
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 25, 2015
The population may be small, but it’s still big enough for big, dark secrets.
And I spent a lot of time on it.
This one's not dead.
but you can't get
chicken-monella from salmon?
Yeah, Carol, I'm gonna pass,
too. I'm not feeling very hungry.
- Medical expert, hardly.
- Well, you knew all that CPR mumbo jumbo.
Probably 'cause the
solar power, I guess.
Where's that coming from?
Nothing, really. It's just...
was just a little bit
higher, now, wasn't it, Todd?
Maybe somebody should
go tell them about it.
I'm so sorry, Tandy. I'm
really, really sorry, man.
I would like to take a strike at it.
about the, the stuff that
I did to you back in Tucson.
This is just about the bacon.
Hey, lady! How's your hand?
I mean, I've only seen her give
you like a hundred eye rolls.
I think I just need to
tamp down my essence,
And there's one for everybody.
Wow, this is fantastic.
Yeah, I'm fine. I just think I'm
maybe coming down with something.
look at this dumb outfit
I borrowed from Melissa.
Erica, we have a chance
to do something different
Let's do this thing. Whoo!
and it was like two hours ago,
- and share it with them?
So we just keep up this
routine till the bacon is gone,
- And then take that bottle back out,
How do I get rid of this?
Where did you find this?
Todd! Todd! Todd! Todd! Todd!
If you've got a
bacon-sniffing dog out there,
- Check it out.
- May I? May I? May I?
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 18, 2015
Phil/Tandy finds redemption when he saves the day.
Five it is!
Okay? After all, it is my given name.
Okay? Like Phil said, I did
the crime, got to do that time,
And it wouldn't be much of a punishment
Look, go have fun and
don't worry about me.
This cheese is for which to die, Todd.
Well, with everything
expiring, that cow's
Anybody want some more wine?
Uh... he's just been kind of weird.
And besides, I'm not even gonna
come close to these perimeters,
Thought I had to the concrete;
I was wrong about that.
Well, you know where I am.
- Oh, to be that pool water right now.
- Tandy, shut your friggin' trap!
You know, show everybody
how much I care about them.
It is voice activated,
Phil, will you do the
honors, my main man?
How you holding up?
No, no one's really talking about you.
Do you know what I'm saying?
A little acknowledgement.
- Hang in there.
So funny. So funny.
Okay. Tandy just wanted to say
that he should be able to
take it off when he wants.
Oh, yeah, this dog is
gonna go in a doghouse.
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 11, 2015
Carol takes a page out of Phil’s book when she tells a lie from which it is difficult for her to recover.
I'm sure in the moment,
Where is everybody?
- You look the same.
- So do you, you look just the same.
You know, Phil, I owe you an apology.
Absolutely... Well, I
was just welcoming her
trusted advisor and a valued lover.
And there was... there
was the body odor,
- To Gordon.
- Easy come, easy go.
to get Tandy some supplies, and then...
Did you scare him to death, too?
And I have diarrhea.
when I say "Michael Jackson"?
You're a regular Brad Garrett today.
I knew it. I knew it.
and it's gonna be noble and heroic
with a callous disregard
for his own life.
In a bloodcurdling scream, he yelled,
thinking about Gordon.
She says it's a form
of spiritual healing.
Yeah, poor Carol!
I know. I can
And I want to spend mine with you.
Even if I was jumping the
gun, why would you care?
What's your cue?
I did this so that we are never,
In hindsight, "boo" was
not a great icebreaker.
- Oh, come on.
- Easy, Carol. Coming in a little hot.
All right, I-I've got a
memory I'd like to share.
Oh, they don't need me?
Take care of each other.
He did it for me.
Not that an apology would fix anything.
Do I have your undivided attention?!
Aired 3 years ago - Oct 04, 2015
Phil searches desperately for Carol after they’re separated without phones or walkie-talkies.
Got to use helium next time.
These are my last two flares.
He's not coming back.
but I already sent out,
like, every train in Tucson.
I know it hurts, bud... I've been there...
I'm so sorry, Brice.
out of my... sight... again.
I was... talking about "Yellow Submarine."
and skipped town.
But not as much as I wanted to see you.
... I lost faith in you.
Oh, and I want to be a better man for you.
I'm gonna go slip into something
a little more comfortable.
All right, a little...
if you get this letter,
we've gone to Malibu.
No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no...
I told you not to step foot in Malibu.
- Do you want to talk about it?
I mean, am I enough for you?
Haven't given up on them just yet.
But I don't know if I can live
with myself if I don't tell her.
Come on, it's fun.
I like your top.
Yeah. Um, hey, cowgirl.
But I'm even more terrified
of you not being happy.
If they don't want you, I don't want them.
- Tucson, huh?
Is there a chaser?
you don't ask them if it's okay...
Uh, maybe we should go find the others.
Aired 3 years ago - Sep 27, 2015
Phil and Carol leave Tucson behind and strike out on their own in a road trip across the United States.
your copper tongue down my mouth!
Tucson can suck it, and you can go
ahead and suck it for asking. Next question.
Put it in there.
- I'm blocking it!
- Block it!
Good. I'm glad you feel that way.
And that's fine.
Bye, Stealth Bomber.
- Welcome to Delaware.
- Oh! My old apartment?
We called ourselves Sawchuck's Angels.
He was trying not to get the virus.
And this is my room.
it's really, uh...
- No, no, not Delaware.
Just saying that's where
there are other people, Phil.
But it's been, like, six months.
I-I'm... I'm a scientist,
not a pilot, all right?
I shouldn't be dismissive
of you guys like that
Why's she being so picky?
One banana, two banana, three ba...
What part of "I'm setting my
gems" do you not understand?!
It was a gas station in Oklahoma.
Is this it? Oh, my G...