Brockmire

Brockmire makes a decision. He must choose between staying in Morristown or returning to the major leagues.

Oh, my God, that's incredible.

I think I can hook this up for you.

I heard about the natural phenomenon

What?

All right.

They're bigger than Pennsylvania Shale.

That movie is wild.

inside the visitor bullpen.

Make it stop. It burns!

I love her, and I'm terrified of her.

Ah, just answer the question, Joe.

Don't tell me those bastards agreed to accept responsibility.

and we have to win to stay above .500.

All right, so we get the entire stadium

Okay, so, I posted about you doing a live podcast

♪ Let's play a baseball game ♪

The rules of this game are simple.

So, good luck to us and good luck to our Frackers.

That seemed to terrify you. Why is that?

Hi again. Whoo-hoo!

and that means that we are drinkin' a beer!

Just keep selling beer!

Uribe giving chase. Does he have room?

Hey! Shut up!

That means that we are drinkin' a beer!

Mwah!

Oh, this microphone feels cool on my head.

Jim, we did it!

We're not winnin'? Come on. What's the score?

Jules, when'd you get here?

He finally snapped.

All right, good. Yo, hustle it up.

Because you guys, you play the game...

Life is hard for you 'cause you're black.

Come on, guys, I signed you all

I asked an agent for Juan Eltun, and he misheard me.

So please, someone get out there and make a God damn play!

in the history of Morristown right now.

Oh, nice grab by Uribe.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Brockmire attends an event honoring broadcasters. Charles attempts to impress a young lady.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!

That was Musburger.

on the number-one broadcast crew when Buck left for football.

And I think you should do it.

What are you doin'?

I'm almost paid off on my loan.

This is gonna be like my high-school reunion.

I used to be one of the greats.

- I-I don't know what that is. - It's fungus.

that is only possible when somebody else cleans the sheets.

Not a lot of people will put this much power

locked in a room with that egomaniac

Ladies and gentlemen...

All right, wait, just... one second.

Well, that sounds like a good plan.

Brian Kenny, get outta here!

Well, no wonder it took her so long to finish.

It's a tradition that women aren't allowed

I tried to last night, but Charlie Steiner cornered me

Are you for real?

did you... partake in Whores' Hour?

and then watch other men plow their wives.

And that is thanks to you.

Mm, yeah, I couldn't find any cups,

- 'Cause, um, you know Drake? - Yeah.

I got one. So, a few years ago,

Hey!

to respond with a few words of my own.

Oh, I love all beans. Here's to beans!

Can I refill your beer?

I have to say,

Uh-oh. What? What's the matter?

I usually go off the cuff,

put it on Brent Musburger's face,

I...

Our friend Jim Brockmire has been resurrected.

Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

We would listen to the feed of the game at ESPN,

Marty Brennaman would usually bring in

Well, eventually, he'd get buzzed enough

... your daughter would be suffering this very day.

Any...

Jim was never subtle about how little he...

And I'm sure you're gonna be givin' us all

Jules has a pregnancy scare. Brockmire works out his father issues with Charles. Jules and Brockmire take a road trip to Pittsburgh.

Brockmire attempts fame again. Jules and Charles work to make him a household name. Their efforts pay off when he gains a very unexpected fan base.

Brockmire's ex reappears. Forced to confront his emotions, Brockmire defaults to drinking.

The players hold a kangaroo court that turns intense; Charles tries to figure out why Brockmire thinks he is gay.

to contemplate the more important things in life,

Yeah, I just can't bear to hear you describe it.

Just yesterday I asked you...

_

before the second game of the double header,

_

- Me! Me! - Right here! Right here!

Just, like, being a whiny little bitch.

when you are so defiantly ignorant about the game?

You know, 'cause right now you got the delicate frame

I'm not gay, Brockmire.

and people I don't know.

What you found was my fashion inspiration folder.

I've seen my fair share of kangaroo courts,

All right, but this is okay. This is just...

by canceling the second game.

- I was "pontifidrinking"... Right now? - You have somewhere to be?

I've been going down on you so much lately

All right, look...

- [Scoffs] - [Players converse indistinctly]

witnesses, the whole shebang.

Yoshi's on trial 'cause he didn't do it.

Oh, sí.

"Rawlings" is spelled out backwards inside the bruise.

after ratreria's pitch hit Uribe?

[Scoffs]

All right. [Clears throat]

Whoa, knowledge and assumptions,

and I have no idea where he is.

Julia James... How's my favorite owner?

Two or three puppies were born without legs,

Hm.

I'm gonna Lucy them right in their asses!

He let impatience overwhelm strategy.

to destroy me, and also Gary's evil.

When you and Pompom were walking back,

he might permanently alienate his teammates.

[Speaks Japanese]

Jules: Yoshi, we can work something out!

I just don't get how Pompom and Yoshi can have

I think that you did, yeah.

Why are you trying to take away Yoshi's last chance?

You didn't try to help him up either, huh? [Scoffs]

No, no, I just have a drinking problem, friend.

when you care about one person, then you start to care

Because of ambition and my own very narrow-minded views on sex.

In the center of this clearing was

When the Frackers win the day after Jim gets together with Jules, the team's owner, they decide to continue their relationship with the hope that the team will continue to win.

Morristown has been drowning in apathy for so long,

Heroin.

The team, me, even you.

I'm sorry, it's just... You actually believe that?

The team has to finish above .500.

Shit, I lost my virginity in the visitors' bullpen in '88.

Ugh! This shit is disgusting.

I may not be the best in any room,

starting right off in the missionary.

Bott...

Hey, am I wrong? Is the winning point at bat?

No. No, you didn't stop talking about it.

for the past three hours.

It was strictly a friction issue.

- Go, go, go! - It's a Little League home run!

Uh...

Huge mistake.

Well, getting emasculated in front of America

we're gonna have to repeat everything we did last night.

"Free Cold Medicine Day" here at the ballpark.

with the button-fly jeans.

Brockmire showing the crowd why naked men should never run.

♪ The bombs bursting in air ♪

- Get out. Get out. - I don't know whose blood this is.

♪ Oh ♪

Something about your essence is just rubbing me the wrong way,

The man works for a gas company, for crying out loud.

When two people spend this much time together,

Did you, uh, have sex with him?

And around here, that makes him the catch of the frickin' century.

No, we're not. You know why?

Because I thought my only other option

I don't really feel like it anymore.

than have sex with you again.

Hey, Brockmire!

No. Why do you ask that?

I'm Catholic.

Oh, hey. You... You don't have to tell me.

You remind me of my favorite stepdad.

I am no cigua, okay?

Let's make things interesting.

Ten years after Major League Baseball announcer Jim Brockmire's career goes down in flames with an on-air meltdown, he's trying to start over calling the games of a small-town minor league team called the Morristown Frackers.

delicious, nutritious, and fun.

but Old Man Winter is still reaching his hand

Brockmire's gonna reach for the doobie early.

I see we have some feral dogs.

Oh, shit!

Welcome to the minor leagues, Jim Brockmire.

Right here.

back to the states since the, um...

I have the most Twitter followers in town.

to the stadium that people pay admission to hear.

Um, you lied to me.

Can you... Let's just show him.

Excuse me. Please, bear with me.

I apologize for that, too. Why can I still smell her?

Are you kidding me? There's a lady...

- So it's... it's forever. - It's permanent.

while a sunburned German watched us on the toilet.

Was he on the toilet or was he, like, on the toilet?

Hey! Everybody decent?

I convinced Major League players, coaches,

I know a place where you can drink for free.

"Pops" himself, Willie Stargell. I'm 8 years old.

Guy's a Hall of Famer, but in that moment,

I hung out with Pops once or twice.

Don't go back to Manila.

Of course I am.

"She was a 7, but I still set her pussy on fire,

"Lucy'd" is slang

Are you bitching out on me? Is that what you're doing?

except for the worst moments of my life?

You know, I don't feel anything.

How's that even possible?

but in the afternoon light of the Polo Grounds,

Down he went! He got hit right in the temple!

Think about it... Ray Chapman spent his last moments on Earth

Gelatin is made from the bones of slaughtered cows and pigs,

Stevens just misses with a breaking ball outside.

So, if you want to stare into the gaping yawn of oblivion,

So, boo-hoo, your wife Lucy'd your neighbor.

Might even draw a little smiley face on the bag,