Detroiters

The future of Cramblin Duvet is in jeopardy when Sam discovers that he might be a father.

You're okay, you're okay. You're okay.

Darren, give this man anything he wants.

Well, we're taking a test, but...

I mean, you're gonna need a steadier job.

a safe and dependable monorail.

a realistic chance of landing.

He was about to jump. What...

That's great, wow.

- Jam on it. - Sure, yep.

The idea is perfect.

Sure, that's okay, that's okay.

♪ ♪

That should've been an easy yes.

We'll make it work.

I've gotta leave the company.

than to say at Cramblin Duvet, but I've gotta do this.

- Thanks, man. - Yeah, it's all good.

♪ ♪

♪ I'll never be the same again ♪

and none of you can replace him.

Thank you, everybody.

Uh, yeah, but make it your own, Tommy.

It's wearing big ol' suits with buttons and dropping shit!

Yeah, we sold 25 cheesecakes tonight.

This is on me. Industry discount.

This is what I get for trying to be nice. Oh, God.

My cousin said he could paint fish, but he couldn't.

[squeals]

It's got a bush?

♪ I'll stand by you ♪

Billy, no jazz.

- I'm not a small fish. - But you are, you are.

But you've got this.

Uh, so we see beauty shots of your wonderful appliances.

"1-2-3 Warehouse,

You looked away when I was talking to you.

"1-2-3 Warehouse: you can count on us."

Clients are coming in now.

Well, we can't use "you can count on us"

It'll be like, "No job's too small, no job's too big.

What's the story here? Is this a yes or no?

[sighs]

do nothing to keep the ones we have,

'Cause like you'd be eating for two...

probably you, and then you were so sweet,

Yeah, it'd be like, you know, you gotta look out

he's a very lucky man.

After a fortuitous accident at a fundraiser, Sam and Tim find themselves reeling in a big fish of a client: Little Caesars.

but does connect with the back of this guy's head.

I mean, we almost had Little Caesars!

- I apologize. Sorry. - Yeah, man.

No. How... how would that work?

You didn't see anything.

I used to work for your dad at Cramblin.

'Cause they were filled with poop.

[LAUGHTER]

from the spot we're standing in right now...

- Oh, my God! - Holy hell.

[FALSETTO, MUMBLING] Uh, that's pretty good.

I don't mean to interrupt, but, uh,

Ooh! Okay, how about this?

She has her husband back. Little Caesars.

- I'm thinking for the tag... - Yeah.

Thank you so much for coming in.

Yeah.

And then his face would scrunch up and turn red and bam!

We're just a little concerned

in the head with the football, so.

the premiere advertisement directors in the world, okay?

want us to see your fancy pizza ball!

- I took the day off of work. - We all did.

[SQUEALING] Oh, look at you, so cute!

Excellent? It wasn't very funny.

It's your commercial.

And action.

I don't give a shit. Reilly.

"Bloody"?

Uh, maybe it could be "friggin' football"?

♪

Let's just try to enjoy it.

[ENTHUSED CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I would think, "Damn, such a nice place."

[AS PUPPET] The D Awards!

The D Award for Consumer TV 30-Second Single.

♪ Hold picture perfect moments ♪

Next up, Better Made Chips

Can I whip this napkin at the back of your head?

down with a wet towel

and then he would get so busy he wouldn't have time

- Paul... - Aw, I'm just joking.

Sam and Tim decide to play dirty after Doner starts stealing their clients.

Said a guy like me should own a boat.

and daddy wasn't funny since he lost the weight.

[GROANS]

And who is this message for?

Dr. Mayflower, oh, my God.

Okay, uh, it's like this.

Tim. Sam.

All right, game on, my friend.

We play for keeps.

Yeah, he walks away 'cause he knew it.

You look like you're looking for

- Wow. - My God.

Ah, Doner sucks, sir.

We hate our clients here at Doner!

What'd he do?

People, there's a microwave in there that people eat...

My dude!

I'm so sorry. I feel like I had stopped.

Work there? God damn it.

Mr. Hark, you have designed some of

trying to steal our clients.

All right, next time, let's just not wait for them to respond.

Well, you heard right.

The world our children will grow up in

to start my own company, one that values creativity over conformity.

- Yeah, but we'd do it. - We would, for sure.

[BOTH STAMMERING]

lease to own, 30 bucks a month,

[IMITATING TRUMPET]

and that's a good thing, because, gentlemen,

Tim, I think we just sold Hark Motors.

to what these business people have to say.

- Just a nice business idea. - Good idea.

D-E-A-D.

[FUNKY MUSIC]

_

Right now?

I wanted my home to be completely intuitive.

So, uh, Allen,

I'll still expect you to do your best work.

It's okay, we're all men.

- Yes. - Yes, I would.

It appears my house believes

[EXCITING MUSIC]

into a non-toxic blob.

Sam starts acting blacker in a bid to impress his new girlfriend; Tim gets roped into spending time with a widower; Chrissy has trouble hitting it off with a new coworker.

Sam! Did you see that last one?

Damn emphysema. If only I told her not

Well, let's hang out tomorrow.

So... waxy.

And trust me, you know the big man

Double chins?

Who's gonna make my bed?

Thank you, thank you. I'm sorry again for your loss.

People grieve in their own ways, son.

And you'll stay a while?

Oh!

- All right? - You're gonna get busted.

Yeah, yeah, no. It ain't nothing but a thing.

pl-pl-pep boy.

Lamp.

Yeah, I'd be happy to. Yes.

in here when she was alive.

Yeah, well, everybody loved Lois,

Yeah, it does look hilarious.

No, you know what? Let's go to "Fat Bieber" then.

She gonna be showing you the ropes, all right? All right.

so that sort of thing isn't fun for me.

Shit!

Oh, no! Yo, I grew up and got fat, yo!

Okay, here I go! Come on, Sammich.

- Yeah. - Wild! Wild!

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

I mean, don't tell Dad.

She's got a new linemate. Who cares?

She said, "It's not funny! He's actually hurt!"

Lunchtime.

Oh, I know, and it sucks that happened to you.

They'd say, "Fred's neck is so weak,

Yo, Sam, your pants tight as hell, my [BLEEP]

So I went to the store, I was like, "Hey!"

with a refund for me, ...."

The guys court legendary newscaster Mort Crim to be the celebrity spokesperson for one of their clients, Ned ramps up security in the building.

- Mwah! - Thanks, honey.

and neither of us is a bigot.

All right, let's shoot this puppy.

Let's keep rolling and see what he does.

From collar tips to wing tips, Jefferson Porger has it,

Jefferson Porger suits.

She was like, "Bullshit."

I am fine.

Yeah, Ned, I wrote that commercial.

Sam, what's it like to be on TV?

Yeah, the stuff that actually pays the bills around here.

How many Poles does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Okay, so boom, a club for teens.

You know what? Let me just feel it through.

You know, it's hard to, like, remember that when we're typing

We needed a decision yesterday...

A little bit of vodka maybe to lose some of that...

They all told the same joke, every one of them.

'cause I put a little gift in your office for you.

Hey, you kids can't party in here.

I just wish these guys could do it.

- Yeah, sure. - No, the guy has to be white.

lines and, like, a character and stuff, but...

So I'm going to be in a commercial.

Tim, just be careful.

- Chrissy. - Shake me again and see what happens.

Yeah, um, did you give yourself a bigger part

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I know you're not racist against gays.

you left these at my place last night.

No, she drives me nuts.

be trying to come into this club to dance,

And... cut.

Yeah, okay, great job on that last one, guys.

maybe it would be fun if you said

Yeah, maybe... I just think so that we had it at least

All right.

And now it's a commercial where a bunch of cool teens

Honey. Me?

would you dance with me?

Sam re-records an old jingle he sang with his ex after it causes friction in his new relationship; Tim finds out that he isn't well-liked on the internet.

Yes, sir.

Yeah, of course it's a joke.

Yet.

But it's only because I want you and Shannon to be happy.

Now I'm picturing you pumping.

He would beat my black ass.

Hey, guys. What can I do you for?

in here, you know what I'm sayin'?

hot dogs are 2.99."

Okay, that's fine. You can update the song,

Yeah, we could do that, though.

to sing the new and improved Farmer Zack's jingle.

and never hear the old one again.

Why are you talking like that?

- Perfectly nice. - But you can tell

What is one?

I'm a man with a big old hog!

BOTH: ♪ And it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

♪ Yeah ♪ Whoo!

Look. No wood. Flat as a board. You know?

- What's her name? - Molly.

where he feels the other version was more fun.

Careful. Before I turn this body cam off

I'll give you some space.

Sam, the last time we sang that song,

Just... re-record the jingle with me, okay?

[GIGGLES] ♪ Farmer Zack's ♪

"Gross husband." Disagree.

You are now ordered

- Shut up. - What?

Hell yes! And you know what?

Girls want to bang me, and guys want to be me

♪ But let me tell you, crooked woman's ♪

Hi, Sam.

Okay, you two. Make love to my ears.

Oh, my God, super cute.

♪ If you want to save dollars dime after dime after dime ♪

♪ Farmer Zack's ♪

BOTH: ♪ And it's always bargain time at Farmer Zack's ♪

♪

whatever it is you're about to do.

What? [CHUCKLES]

Tim's mom convinces him to give his difficult brother a job at Cramblin Duvet; Sam unexpectedly bonds with Chrissy.

go straight to work with you.

No, don't even joke about Sam's death.

you'd be pretty good at it.

- Oh, thank you! - Oh, Mother Theresa!

Trevor, pack your deodorant.

Morning, Sheila.

Oh, my God! A frickin'... a Game Guy?

up?

Great. Trevor, you wanna sit in on this one,

pulls out a jewelry box.

What? Okay, uh,

- funny ideas, idiots. - Shut up, Trevor!

He reaches inside the grocery bag

And maybe the baby craps itself.

- to turn that damn game down? - Yes. Sorry.

They use this to train NAVY SEALs.

- Oh, my... ahh! - There! That hard enough?

Fine. Stay.

- You idiot! - You're gonna paralyze me!

to play the husband and wife in the commercial.

who came up with the idea?

The diamonds would actually be animated.

at any time... when you're coming home from the grocery store,

- Make me pregnant! - You're not my wife, idiot.

Let's do it. On the dance line.

I'd have to say Seductra.

Look at me, Trevor! I'm proud of you!

Big day today. Trevor's first commercial shoot.

At the risk of his health!

Yeah, well, you should take his sheet too,

♪ Mail's here ♪

Yeah, all right. I get it.

All right, you can go on home.

You can finish up the rest of the week, okay?

In certain parts.

You can't just run away from everything.

so you'd slow down and let me win?

Sam takes the reigns as grill master at the Duvet family reunion; Tim considers whether he might be too hard on Sam's girlfriends.

I was a perfect gentleman to Dump Truck Debra.

then how come he kept it a secret from the whole family.

- Well... - You're a family of liars!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

to pass this on to my son,

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- Should I read it? - ALL: Yes!

Oop, never did that.

Ah, thank you!

Whoo! Now that's a hot dog.

That smell like Crown Royal.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah, yeah,

I mean, I don't want to say it's bland,

Oh! [LAUGHTER]

Let's just hope Sam likes doing neck rubs,

So, really, I'm happy for Sam.

Nobody even cares about that anymore.

[LAUGHING]

He was a kid, just like you.

Driving me to drink.

and this is a responsibility. [CHUCKLES]

We're the hits of this party, babe.

'cause then people hear them

I am so sorry I called your family pig-faced liars.

It took a weird little kid with a shitty joke I never heard,

I need him in tip-top shape today.

Money!

Wait a minute. Reset, reset, reset!

On Mothers' Day brunch!

That's fun.

He never just, like, let me do my thing.

It's just that Duvet family passion.

You know, you really shouldn't have called

You know, son, you're gonna be a great grill master.

I know we didn't get a lot of time to talk earlier,

and the fly complained it was bland.

And I want to start fresh. I'm sorry.

Yes, I am right.

Tension builds between Sam and Tim after Sam acts in one of their commercials; Sheila's relationship with Lea becomes strained after she makes an off-color joke.

Hey, Sheila. I've heard a lot about you.

Back in the office when I said, "We're not that way,"

You are going to be great.

- Cut. - Great.

a professional, tailored look with classic style.

Yeah. I almost cracked up.

I'm like, "Oh, shit, baby."

I am fine.

Yeah, Ned, I wrote that commercial.

Sam, what's it like to be on TV?

Lea, do you know any Polish jokes?

- How many? - Five.

kids are cool; adults are lame.

like, make it feel natural.

which I think is what I like about it the most.

Sam, great job in that commercial, man.

I get free suits till Christmas.

- Russell's in a play. - Oh, no shit?

Calories.

No, it's for schlubby nerd number one.

- She's great. - Wonderful.

Sit down.

- No. - Yeah, okay, me neither.

Yeah, if you want to waste your day, I'll watch more.

- Yeah, maybe. - Sam?

lines and, like, a character and stuff, but...

So I'm going to be in a commercial.

What does that mean?

and make yourself cool in this?

So, Lea, what do you think about Queen Latifah?

The more you overcompensate, the more I think that you

Sheila, did you do this to make me think

And you all...

Yeah.

Flying in notes; this is all part of his process.

So let's do it one more time, and just so we have it,

Like, they kind of see him as, like, a friend

Yes.

the kid who's supposed to say,

And now it's a commercial where a bunch of cool teens

Honey. Me?

would you dance with me?

Miranda, would you dance with me?

Cramblin Duvet hits a hot streak; Sam and Tim help Sheila find a lawyer after she gets a DUI.

Let me do some of the talking.

Step down for you.

We beat Ryan Lepchek from Doner!

Why didn't you call her a cab?

Uh, Tommy, Sheila is old, so...

Do you know your rights? Because I do.

Call me, Walt Worsch.

He even cussed when we lost.

Walt Worsch has an "April in the D" video?

♪ It's April in the D ♪

Well, I'll do my best, guys,

Oh, crap.

I mean, after all we are footing the bill here.

But in your commercials you come off a little bit stiff.

- Whoa. The Science Center? - Holy shit!

Ms. Portnadi, it looks like you got yourself a lawyer.

Just wait until they're eating, and then you grab their crotch.

I'm Walt Worsch.

♪ 313-Waltries, I try my best ♪

and he's not telling anyone why.

I'm so sorry I ate all your medicine. But you know what?

You guys enjoying your Vernors?

We would like to buy Cramblin Duvet.

We want to get in on it before everyone else realizes.

Yeah. That's interesting.

- Team Viper. - Excuse me?

Seriously, you got something.

Well, I mean I'd rather sleep in a bed.

And imagine that this arresting officer

take a cab, or get a better lawyer.

can we get your legal advice on something?

of people saying science is cool.

It's been there for 50 years.

What is wrong with your head? Get the edge!

Yeah.

We're not dorks!

Hey, get your hands off me!

And not to mention you portrayed a Science Center

Sheila, can you come in here?

She just got a DUI.

We wanted his business, and we were assholes.

Now you just treat me like some old lady you have to deal with.