One Day at a Time (2017)

Everyone pitches in to prepare for Elena's quinceañera. While rehearsing their father-daughter dance, Elena reveals a truth about herself to her dad.

You get a seat! You get a seat!

Bueno. Yo...

Penelope. This place is an acoustical nightmare.

I found a more modern version for us to dance to.

I know.

Let's do all the shockers.

No, I don't have to be okay with anything.

Hi, Ms. Alvarez.

but underneath there'd be one thing that's a little more me.

Can an hombre get a pastelito up in this boca?

Just so you know, Victor's still upstairs in my apartment.

I... was really thrown at first, too.

I thought I would see everyone at the quinces tomorrow but, uh...

I got one last pickup. You.

Next time, don't make me jump through the hoops.

And I'm probably gonna cry, so deal with it, mi gente.

she played the cherry tree in a school play.

She's taught me more about being strong...

She was so mean, she made me cry.

And I could never have done it without Leslie.

Sewing. What else did you think we... Oh!

Just when Penelope starts to date again, her estranged husband Victor makes a surprise visit home that rekindles old feelings between them.

So... quick question.

Oh, who thinks it's a good idea to greet my Latino veteran dad with,

or the drinking and the pills could start all over again.

Oh, yeah.

Okay. Wow, look at you. Beautiful, huh?

Well, this is a surprise, because it's not a week from now.

- And anyway, Lupe, I booked a hotel. - Okay, that sounds good.

you can't really expect us to be ready for you, it's...

Victor made breakfast.

I just like to start with a protein because studies show

Dang! A new PS4! Are you kidding me?

Hi, princess. I'm Elena.

- Can't wait. - I'm going to go, too.

I'm in a good place, Lupe. I'm a new guy.

- Okay. - It's all good.

I feel like the green one really brings out my eyes.

Oh, man. Me, too. That was funny.

I think I was happier when I thought you were sleeping with my wife.

♪ What were the chances ♪

Hey, great job coaching Alex's swing this season.

Although I won't be over there much longer.

This sucks.

♪ And you're never coming round ♪

Wow. Yeah.

And I haven't been so good at keeping up. But I want to.

Annoying.

Don't you have a dinner thing?

I actually got called to duty, so there's

Listen, I... I hope we're on our way to being good, you know,

I can't believe that Emily and I went to the same grade school.

I just have a lot going on right now, you know.

Why are you with such a snooze, huh? We know you have good taste.

Come on, let's just cuddle, naked.

Ah, that viejita's no dummy.

I mean, is he in Afghanistan? Here? What? Where is he?

that's a hell of a lot better than when I'd pop a fistful of Vicodin

Although she wants to be accepting and open-minded, Penelope feels weird about Elena's revelation. Seeking advice, she makes an unexpected connection.

Hey, last night I did a little reading on Autostraddle,

- Lady Gaga? - Yeah.

No, I already told him and he's totally cool.

Him. He made the travel team.

No one wants their mom around when they're dating models.

Schneider? You do you.

Mami, I got this.

Okay, fine.

And... one, two, three, four...

Closer.

This is giving me flashbacks of Tiana's quinces/baby shower.

Why are you calling, Schneider? Is Alex hurt?

and the nearest elevator was inspected on April 17th by an S. Balaban."

You do?

I love my family!

I'm sorry, but I have a problem with Elena being gay.

So what, am I going to go against the pope and God?

So, tell me, when is the parade?

Okay, I'll start.

I don't know. Does she all of a sudden think all boys are disgusting?

I mean, do some of us have short hair? Sure.

She's gonna have a full life and be okay.

but I'm getting some serious eyes from that guapa over there.

Yeah, they get excited by tiny soaps and sewing kits.

Not by birth, but spiritually, I identify as Cuban.

That's what regular bars are for.

and I am not totally okay with it.

I want her to have the most perfect coming-out story.

Do you love her any less?

It's 11:00 at night. You're supposed to be in San Diego. What happened?

Found you? You weren't with them?

Shower caps that can fly off into your face and suffocate you.

- Really? - Yeah, you're Cuban now.

When Penelope finds porn on Alex's laptop, she struggles to talk to him about sex, but their reluctant conversation leads to a surprising discovery.

Well, Father believed it's best to have this kinda discussion in a car

We came to the next stoplight. He hopped out, Paco told me everything.

I gave my number to the usher. I'm sure he'll be calling.

Boy, the world has changed.

You know, with the Internet, kids see too much too soon.

I was married for over 40 years.

Finn sent me a video to check out. Have you seen my laptop?

can best be done only between two peoples.

Hey, guys!

I don't even know what I'm gonna say to Elena.

Well, girls these days are exposed to so much more than my generation was.

I need to talk to Elena.

'cause when you thought it was Alex, you said it was healthy.

Great. Straight to voicemail.

I shouldn't worry 'cause she's with his family, right?

Mami, parties are not good. There's alcohol.

Elena would never give away her purity at some party.

Ooh. Love these hardwood floors.

Oh. It's good to see you two.

Unplug, Penelope.

Look, I am sorry. But we do need to talk.

Okay, Elena, I'm just gonna say it. I know you've been looking at pornography.

It's actually a really beautiful experience

Because I didn't have that with your abuelita,

Okay.

you got your whole life ahead of you. There'll be plenty of other boys.

Marriage is a patriarchal tool invented to enslave women.

Elena gets a congratulatory letter that leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. For a school project, Alex interviews Lydia, who reveals a family secret.

Okay.

You know her, "Cuba, Cuba, Cuba. Ay. ¡Azúcar!"

But papito has such a pretty face to fall back on.

Sister Fidelis told me that I'm a finalist for the Voices of Tomorrow.

That's what I'm talking about!

Come on! A trophy? A medal? A ribbon?

- Is it because you... - Stop!

I remember when I had dreams.

I had my own street luge.

It's just a regular, attainable dream that you didn't attain.

that just means Alex and Elena can have an even better life than I did.

and I am convinced that the passion of our embrace moved the Earth.

- What? - Keep talking.

this might qualify for a Student Academy Award.

Am I excited about it?

Oh, hey, Pen.

Ow!

"of your acceptance to the Voices of Tomorrow."

and we value your contribution to our conversation."

What happened to, "Diversity programs are

I need a consult, stat.

♪ What a mighty honey glazed ham ♪

I... I am really enjoying myself, you know?

Most people do. Me, three times.

I look like a fruit salad.

I work every day from sunrise to sunset.

Okay, Elena, you're up.

Because I only got chosen to fulfill their race quota!

You don't get it! This is a big deal.

I have never seen such un-professionalism.

I can do flamenco, salsa, mambo,

Well, when I was in Cuba...

Pedro Pan was a program

Ah...

- Did I ruin his movie? - No. Alex is fine.

so I could have more clothing.

She was my older sister.

Walk through the pecera and don't look back.

Mami, I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna take that diversity spot.

Oh, no, no. It's okay, honey.

Penelope tells her family she has a date and Lydia says she's going to church, but each secretly goes elsewhere. Meanwhile, Elena tests an attraction.

Well, I mean, it was nothing like the original.

And isolation is my boo.

I'm Cuban! You know, we don't really do therapy.

She doesn't do therapy.

We have so much in common.

We... we have different senses of humor.

Uh, just careful with those shoes.

- Oh, no. - What?

and instead grow out my unibrow and read a poem about Frida Kahlo.

So are you gonna tell Josh that you're not into boys?

but it's not like you tried girls before either.

Well, let's just say I'm open to trying broccoli.

Yup, you are not gonna be here.

Seriously, I love that so much!

Thank you all for coming.

In the car you told me you were dizzy.

But if ever I get one,

And I have full movement in both my arms.

Oh, I cooked a beautiful tortilla española,

You would make a good Cuban mother.

Ah, uh... I said no hanky-panky.

Leslie, be honest.

Everything okay over there?

For real, Elena, I've had a crush on you all year.

But I do feel like there were some solid stand-alones, like...

Wait, do I like you?

Yeah, sure thing, man.

Um, why do you need info on lesbians?

And just thinking ahead, I don't think she's gonna give permission.

She just said she might like girls, but she might like boys, too.

Oh, hey, Josh.

What are you doing here?

You were in therapy?

While navigating her way through an endless maze of red tape with Veterans Affairs to make a medical appointment, Penelope reaches her breaking point.

I won it...

She's my white whale. My Bigfoot.

Are you... are you...

Thanks for helping out,

Here, take one of your pain pills.

Yeah, don't do that.

Well, it's just we need at least 20 to do anything fun.

All right. Maybe this will entice you.

I can't imagine what that would feel like.

Hello?

threw a decorative anchor at me.

What? Who, me?

Is this Castro's Cuba or America?

Oh, I have one in my costume trunk.

Daily.

It'd be ridiculous.

so I don't die.

- Jolene. I'm holding for Jolene. - Transferring you now.

Maybe you're grabbing your four o'clock snack

No, I think they accidentally transferred you to an empty office.

I sent a copy of it to Jolene's office, like, two months ago.

and go back to when they used fax machines

After the day I've had, I deserve a Slickers.

Or I could just take you off the group chat with all of our friends.

to be the escort to your quinces, 'cause...

What are you doing here? Why are you spying on me?

I'm a badass, who served in Afghanistan doing army stuff! Hooah!

Oh, Jolene! Oh, my God, Jolene.

Yes, ma'am. Oh! I'm so excited.

Well, you don't understand. I have to leave.

When Penelope's faithful car finally breaks down for good and she's forced to trade it in, she meets a kindred spirit in the unlikeliest of places.

Can you feel it working? Hey, guys.

Did he ask about me?

This is Hector. Hector...

It unspooled.

and at sunset, your papi bet me $5 that he'd marry me.

Chauffeurs pick up cars.

It's the best way to save money, and besides,

It was glorious.

that my ancestors and their gas-guzzlers so cruelly left to this earth.

I never bought a car before, you know?

Okay, Mom, this is not just a car anymore.

Gives me a reason to break out the athleisure wear.

Very hard to negotiate when the car's halfway to Vegas.

Uh, do you know how to repo a BMW?

Great! That's so great! We're gonna go tomorrow, okay?

and I pushed myself outside my comfort zone.

when I was putting up my fliers, so I may teach the world to dance again.

Don't say pimp or you'll get grounded!

anybody slice apples with such grace.

- Son? - Really?

I'm just gonna walk up to that salesman, I'm gonna look him in the eye

Look, you know your stuff. Just throw in a little charm.

Hey, Michaels, step away from the donuts.

Somebody's been doing their research.

It's just that my real husband and I are actually separated

I once saw a woman rip the weave off another woman over a leg of lamb.

What are you doing?

Mmm.

"Experienced latina will make your body do things you didn't know it could"?

Oh, look, I got 58 new messages.

You know, sometimes I'll get in early and hang out with the mechanics

He was so charming.

Lydia grows suspicious of Elena and Carmen's intense relationship. Penelope later discovers that the inseparable friends are keeping a big secret.

I'm not saying anything.

Hey.

My birthday didn't come up, and my password is my birthday!

So it's a party? I can invite all my friends?

All right, I got the party box.

The gourd is drying, as is the glitter.

- You guys can take the night off. - No!

I'm sparing you, trust me.

It's not his memorial service.

Ay, ay!

Uh, that's too bad.

And, uh, where is that delightful daughter of yours?

Oh, I am flattered, married lady.

We should probably put some music on to make this less weird.

I'll buy five.

No, no. Just me.

especially Penelope, for this day.

Please, Elena, lighten up. We did a good thing here.

I'm sorry, everyone. It's, uh, teenage girls, you know.

But yeah, born in the 'Couve, overstayed my student visa,

coming here with everything.

I bet you were fabulous.

Oh, that's great. At least you did it the right way.

Because it was in the workplace. Do you understand anything?

Or remembering to buy balloons and a cake for a birthday party?

El bobo is right.

who would love the opportunity to come here, but they can't.

What? Elena!

What do I do?

So, the immigration project?

- When did this happen? - Two weeks ago.

A year.

Well, then I think that's what you need to do, Carmen.

Carmen.

Penelope suddenly finds herself back in the dating game after Schneider shows her how to use an online app for meeting people.

Then my mom says, "Niña, your papi and I have a love that goes beyond death."

That's a good... Oh, you're serious?

I mean, casting your man aside and striking out on your own.

Sometimes when I wanna splurge, I get the Betty Crocker omelet for two,

What? Why... why is everybody laughing?

and you know whose name is on those big packages?

Dr. Berkowitz is my boss, remember, Michelle?

Snowman means, right now, I look good,

Are you sure you wanna do the online thing?

I get it, you mean a real date.

That's, like, a second date revealer. If you're good, a never reveal.

But not for you. Okay.

-No, wait, what? That was too fast. -No, you're too slow.

Elena might be okay,

My mom, Elena, Alex...

Shut your face, my new best friend, Abby!

Abby, I am hairless.

I know, it was a better time.

What?

in what is obviously going to be a very smooth and luxurious road.

Thanks!

-Damn it, Schneider. -No, Schneider didn't say anything.

Uh, sucia?

I didn't want you to worry, so I didn't wanna tell you.

- Ay, Elena. Please.

Am I in trouble?

First of all, you need a plan. Second of all, I need to approve the plan,

Okay, okay! Dios mío.

there is nothing wrong with having dinner with a friend...

yet still surprisingly strong anxiety attack.

The point is, everybody had an opinion about this.

Did he have soulful eyes?

You didn't wanna give me the heads-up that he was here?

You walked out?

Anyway, I sent the guy a text apologizing,

Stop talking to your sister.

Then everybody bailed on purpose, so Anna and I could be alone.

Well, I kinda lied to you.

Oh, my God. It's all happening.

I am a Latina, you are a 12-year-old boy,

When Lydia disappears after a heated argument with her daughter about religion, the smooth running of the household falls apart in her absence.

Hi!

but there is a hole in here.

Oh, no. Rosa was my nanny.

Hi.

Alex, tell your mother that funny story that happened in chemistry class.

Why don't you just go to church and then go hikin' after?

and I'm gonna put my foot down and say this Sunday we're not going to church.

Okay, so, if you believe that, then you're Protestant.

Okay, I'd choose Lydia because of her warm food and even warmer hugs.

Oh, come on. Es una cosita.

I cook, I clean, I teach the children manners...

I have to say "slam" because you would not give me a door!

What?

Abuelita washed them. She said my cuffs looked shabby.

Fine! She spent the night.

No, no, of course, I believe in you. It's...

"Ay!"

Sounds like she does everything.

Carmen, Elena's best friend?

Ah, it's cool. I had to get out of my apartment.

- Any idea where she could be? - No, none.

Getting decorating ideas?

Elena is having her quinces.

Nobody could slice an onion like Abuela.

Well...

No, I don't wear it because it's a cross.

When Penelope and Elena complain about not being taken seriously as women at work and school, Lydia offers advice from an older generation.

Yeah, and it worked.

Mija, why are you in your uniform before you shower and get ready?

You know, I know bobo is an insult, but it sounds adorable.

They're implementing my composting initiative in the cafeteria.

Yes, she does, right?

Dr. Berkowitz.

Lately, we've been getting some complaints from patients about wait times.

just for the sake of expediency.

I like that, yeah.

Now... take me in your arms like a man.

you are in love with this girl?

The next 40 years went by as quickly as that first night.

Okay, there goes my shoulder.

"Earth murderers."

before el bobo started interrupting me, talking over me.

marching behind you going, "Is it hot out here or is it you?"

I just learned that and I love it.

Not that you need my permission. I'm just...

You flirt with them. You hypnotize them.

Oh, sí?

What are you doing?

- Go on. - Really?

Oh, without earrings I look ridiculous.

- I meant her. - What? She didn't do anything.

Well, what are you gonna do about Scott, the bobo?

Blue Sky, what if we stagger the appointments by just five minutes?

But maybe you didn't hear, because you were on your phone like now.

Sometimes I've noticed, when I'm talking, you don't listen.

You're sexist, and I'm tired of letting it go!

Oh.

and I'm left to pick up the slack, because moms are special?

Look, sometimes I do have to take time off because braces need tightening

You know what? I think I'll get my pen.

because people were staring at me

I did listen to you, Abuelita.

No, Abuelita, I tried it and I didn't like it.

You know, you use makeup like armor because it makes you comfortable.

- Did your boss die? - No.

But in my defense...

Penelope tries to convince her feminist daughter Elena to have a traditional quinceañera to celebrate her 15th birthday and to honor her Cuban roots.

Your daughter does not want to have a quinces.

but all she wants to talk about is this.

Someone thinks they're worth a lot.

It means...

Who do you think you're insulting?

I'm in middle school now. How I look kinda matters.

I thought it was a joke!

Don't worry, I told Schneider.

You really wanna go there? 'Cause I'm holding a hammer.

What? Is... That's fake?

You know you're the only non-Latino I trust to fix stuff.

Oh, I remember, yeah. I'm sorry it was a rum cake.

Oh! Hello, Schneider.

that I think might change your mind.

You know what, Captain Debater? Let's debate this.

It just means your family and your friends.

Pass!

So, when it comes to your quinces...

I didn't realize how right I was.

I'm not sure if I did the right thing. She wouldn't talk to me all weekend.

I don't know.

Yeah.

- Oh! Your phone telling you things. - Oh, yeah.

No, I promised you to Consuelo.

You can explain how one pair of sneakers magically became five?

Oh, he's into magic now?

Okay, what about the bottoms? You've been walking around all day.

I said one new pair. You disobeyed me.

Well, you have a job, plus Papi gives you money, right?

But do you even see everything that's happening now?

someone in your bed.

Am I right?

Yeah, like, marriage used to be a way to pay off debts.

Yeah, well, I am one.