Aired 6 years ago - Apr 03, 2018
Following graduation, Mickey and Alba discover that Sabrina is having second thoughts about attending Yale. In their attempt to sway her decision, Alba finds herself heavily involved at a Yale Alumni reunion event. Meanwhile, Chip is keen on
re-branding himself before he starts high school, so naturally he decides to throw a party to prove his status.
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So, Sabrina, are you excited to leave?
- I'm not.
- Well, it's never too early
No, no, no. Y-You got to go.
Uh, bong rips and Hacky Sack and hung guys.
Not kaboom. I just want
to create a diversion
- Okay. Uh, plan B.
- Okay, what should we...?
She asked me to take you on a tour.
Yeah. Never thought of it like that.
I'm just not really looking
for a relationship right now.
Uh, 53. Yeah.
and you are in.
And I don't mean to
speak out of turn, but...
Hi. I just... I wanted
to apologize for earlier.
- I got it.
- I'm so clumsy.
Oh, my God!
- No, hi. I'm Mickey Molng.
- Oh.
She's the smartest person
I know. And resilient.
I-I'm gonna level with you.
Ma'am, I'm going to ask you to leave.
why Sabrina Pemberton was not accepted.
Liar!
Get in the car. I want
to show you something.
T.J. Zappacosta just busted out some...
You're the one that broke up with me.
What? No. Hey, what are you talking about?
This place is really bumming me out.
to follow her dreams.
I never even left the dugout.
Well, I had quite a
drinking problem back then.
It's all nailed up to the wall and stuff.
The jerk that pummels some
weakling and ruins the party?
Hey, you're not invisible anymore, Melanie.
You cut my ear off!
Look, I told you. I-I
was at Carter's house.
Dude, get out of my face before
I throttle you in your own home.
Oh, all right.
Aired 6 years ago - Mar 27, 2018
When Mickey and Alba catch Ben lying and try to teach him a lesson, naturally their plan backfires. Meanwhile, Chip devises a spiteful plan to be crowned "Prince" at his school formal, and Jimmy teaches Sabrina how to dance.
so he'd crap himself during assembly.
I thought you were better than that.
Just real quick, before I do,
Well, hold on a second.
You still do laundry?
He-He probably just got scared.
That's nice of her.
arguably the coolest
girl in Lockwood history.
To be beautiful and smart and popular?
- Soon we'll be togeth...
- Heads up!
He may never walk again.
Yes, I know, Farble. I was at assembly
Oh, my God! Help!
Haven't seen it.
I swear on your life I
did not take that apple.
Let's set some ground rules.
Because somewhere deep inside you,
Nothing. Just that your
mother would be proud
I already told you that. I swear.
Okay. Okay, buddy.
I make lots of farts. I'm so sorry.
Right? And let's just hold still.
But bullets and guns separate, very safe.
Make a note... there's
always one in the chamber.
Hey...
- Anyways, I'm off to the formal.
- Oh.
Hey.
We got to dispose of the evidence.
- I'm gonna need you to work the pedals.
- All right.
Ooh. "Hottest amateur
action in the tristate area
Chip. Chip. Thank God.
I forgot to take Chip's picture.
I took something, Mr. Gibbons.
Go home.
Without further adieu,
I'd like to introduce you
Aired 6 years ago - Mar 20, 2018
After Jimmy purchases an old beat up car from a police auction, he and Mickey accidentally lock Ben inside. Meanwhile, Alba catches Chip secretly pretending to be Sabrina's online crush and SHE encourages him to keep it going.
I have no idea what she's talking about.
Everyone please exit the train.
There we go. There-there's one.
How come I'm standing in it then?
All right, look,
I didn't know there was four of you,
Dude, here's the thing,
I don't believe in luck.
The cops just picked up Ben
Oh, hey. What the hell, man?
and this is how you repay us?
- we're going out tonight.
- Yeah? Great.
I'm in. 100% in.
Tempting, but, um... no.
I don't know. I'm sure you
guys will think of something.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Okay, okay.
That-that-that is very cute, but...
Eric, give him the blow.
I don't want to get oil on me.
I...
but is that really how you want
to spend your remaining days?
- Wait right here.
- Okay.
Everyone, my aforementioned bitch niece.
Classic alpha behavior.
for your selfish, ungrateful ass
because we respect each other so much.
Mickey? Sabrina?
Oh, are you boys
looking for a good time?
How many beers have you had?
As if I could hide it.
Then, at night,
we'd go swimming, and we'd lie
I mean, really good, you know?
All the...
Jimmy, do you ever consider
maybe you're gay?
It's weird, you know?
Cool?
- For what?
- For all the stuff you do for us.
Aired 6 years ago - Mar 13, 2018
When Alba leaves to go on vacation, Mickey appoints Sabrina to babysit Ben when she and Jimmy leave for a night out. When Sabrina decides that a night out with her friends is much more appealing, she and Mickey get into an argument and end up in jail. Meanwhile, Jimmy meets a new friend.
Penn Station. Last stop.
Rat, rat, rat, rat! Somebody!
Oh, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa.
- Just... No. Mick, no, please.
- Everyone back in your...
Why don't you head home.
I raccoon'd him. It's my signature move.
What? From where?
No problem. I'll do this by myself.
I can't believe how selfish she is.
two little kids home alone.
You do nothing for me.
- You do?
- Yeah. They find me intimidating.
- What the hell?
- Oh, you are so sweet
Jimmy and I are headed out for the night
but instead of water, it was diarrhea.
- Settle down.
- That means she's hot.
Oh, thank you.
Jimmy can't stop talking about you.
Here, l-let's be friends.
Everything good, brother?
I'm sorry, does one of you
own a blue Geo Metro?
- What's the matter with you?
- We're leaving.
She chained the colonel to your car?
Now kindly unchain the
colonel and go home.
One... two... three.
Sorry about that.
Oh, yeah?
That was a mistake.
Oh, you don't anything for me
Oh, we are thick as thieves,
Mickey and me.
Whoopsie-daisy.
We're already having a great time,
but thanks.
As if I could hide it.
on the docks,
and we'd talk about our dreams.
I mean, really good, you know?
All the...
It's weird, you know?
And I hope that we can still be friends.
Aired 6 years ago - Mar 06, 2018
After Ben wets the bed at a sleepover with fellow classmates, Mickey, Alba and Jimmy go to extreme lengths in order to save his reputation. Meanwhile, when Sabrina loses her fake ID, Chip offers to help get her a replacement in exchange for a night out with her and her friends.
No, you know what? You don't
have to explain yourself to me.
We'll figure out whether or not
you like it tomorrow.
Hey, Sabrina.
You have got to stop
spying on me, dude.
My boy's like frickin' Snowden.
-Oh, come on. -Just do it.
-Yeah, okay, fine.
It's Ben.
-Is this bad?
-It's not good.
-Where did you come from?
-I was listening in.
We'll just figure it out
as we go.
- Get it off me!
- They're wet!
There we go.
You're lucky you're cute,
because you're useless.
How is that even possible?
Oh, I didn't say it'd be new.
Boom. Let's ride, chicken heads.
to whatever the hell this is.
So just let me help you.
Okay? Come on.
Oh, you're one to talk with
your skinny little puppet arms.
What the hell
is taking you so long?
No, um...
That means, when we get home,
Oh, my God.
-like chocolate or chili...
-Diarrhea.
What have you two done?
What if it's not
just one other boy?
Don't you think that'll
raise a few questions?
Well, I know it doesn't look
like a bird glued to a squirrel.
-How are you guys even related?
-Okay,
And you know what?
I feel like I was way too hard
You son of a bitch.
We're gonna pee
all over these kids.
* I've been shot down,
kicked out twice *
Hey, go back to bed,
or I'll kill you.
* Who the lame ...
want to talk 'bout us? *
Thanks, guys.
I just want to make sure that
when we roll up in this club,
Okay, you know what, Chaz?
Aired 6 years ago - Feb 27, 2018
Mickey teaches Chip and his friend how to gamble, and they end up losing a large sum of money. In an attempt to win the money back, Mickey uses Sabrina's new relationship with the Junior National Women's Soccer team captain to place a bet on one of their games. Meanwhile, Jimmy becomes overly invested in the soccer team's success.
Colonel, how-how did you get in here?
Coach is gonna kill me if
I'm late to another workout.
Sabrina, you're like my daughter.
- She any good?
- She's Alexis Dara.
Don't you have a dog butt
to sniff or something?
As your gambling teacher,
I'm gonna need you
first play of the game.
- That's the spread.
- But the Bills suck.
- Coward. Dylan?
- Why can't we use yours?
It's... it's in. Now what?
Ooh, whew. Coach is right.
That's not fair.
Okay. You listen to me, you son of a bitch.
W-What?
Oh, my... $100,000?
Uh, yeah, I can. I just did.
You were the one that
made us thirsty for juice.
All right? Ever since you
two have been hooking up,
H-Hold on a second. What
game are you talking about?
I gotta hand it to you Mick.
I don't know how you fellas
got mixed up with her,
- Oh.
- All right, relax. It's an expression.
- I got to go to the bathroom.
- Mm.
- Why?
- I have no idea.
a great opportunity for her.
Hey. Can I come in?
- That's for sure.
- She dumped me.
- Isn't it?
- Yeah.
Uh, I mean, it's pretty clear
she's begging to be wooed.
Yes is the answer!
I have seen some crazy things.
If you want me to stop,
Let's find out how well.
athlete to athlete. It is very important
You've done enough.
She did not mean that, okay?
Oh, my God. Darlene, that's disgusting.
Oh!
a big game tomorrow.
I'm not pressing charges.
I-I don't know what my
aunt's boyfriend told you,
Aired 6 years ago - Feb 06, 2018
Mickey and the gang accompany Alba to church, after she admits she may have a substance abuse problem. When she invites her priest over for Sunday football, the Pembertons take a liking to him. Meanwhile, Ben questions his belief in God, forcing Jimmy and Sabrina to guide him.
Got you a donut.
Weird.
Father Z, if you prefer.
in which case,
please, pick a good filter.
So God lives inside the candle?
- Has anybody even seen God?
- Okay, Ben,
he's not ready for that yet.
I-I haven't been to Mass
in quite some time.
but he's still killing it.
Gonna go burn off some of that
good karma. Have fun.
There we go. Oh, yeah.
Alba, you brought home the Lord.
I'm gonna make it in my bed.
Why are we up?
It's not just a sunrise; I mean,
those blazing oranges
Humans are responsible for smog.
Even diarrhea?
Why, it's Sunday.
Look who's here.
Isn't football a little rough
for a priest?
Here we go, Pats!
A set so divine
and filled with love
This is God?
Well, yeah, I mean the speakers
aren't great, you know.
Yeah, that went well.
get his picture taken
with some child molester,
Don't tell me you can dunk, too.
I didn't know priests
could get tatted up like that.
I just feel like I'm a DJ
remixing his hottest jams.
but those white dresses are...
are kind of lame.
Mickey?
Priests don't wear normal
clothes and play basketball.
That's what they do.
- Ah, it could be better. Oh!
- That's good. Oh!
-Yes, please come in.
-Thank you.
I see. Uh, please, go on.
Oh.
I'm sorry, is there something
I can help you with?
You know, you're the boss
around here.
Eh, you'll pick it right up
or sell it for parts.
Give yourself a little credit.
* Áve *
ALBA and ZACH:
* Maria grátia pléna...
You keep your eyes peeled,
you might just see him.
That sounded so beautiful.
Oh, come on, old man.
and takes many forms.
Aired 6 years ago - Jan 23, 2018
When chaperoning Ben’s school field trip to a trash dump, Mickey and Alba discover that an unfamiliar young boy made his way on the bus back. The two work together to return the lost child but make it extremely difficult for themselves along the
way. Meanwhile, Chip and Sabrina take advantage of Colonel’s status as a veteran, only before it comes back to bite them.
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- I've never seen him.
- What?
Yeah, and then some.
Sabrina. Sabrina, wait. No,
you can't leave him here.
Yo, little man, go ahead and
We're just dropping off your friend,
- Ignacio, after my great...
- Cool, sounds good.
- You know, it's a dump!
- Mm.
we could call the cops and
find out what they know.
Go grab Ben and Ignacio
and meet me in the car.
These are straight fire
and impossible to get.
Probably. When I said he was a war hero,
Yeah, he's out here,
he's getting fresh air,
You tell me, Jack.
Five-O be buggin' me out!
Oh, no, you're a racist for
thinking that was a black voice.
regarding the kidnapping?
It's not a prank! There's a child missing.
He's killed, like, a ton of Germans,
I served in Iraq, and I'd like
to pay for the officer's drink.
- Alcohol helps with his PTSD.
- Mm-hmm.
you know, so we can just drop him off
I-I don't, I don't like
where you're headed with that.
you get to take all the video games home.
and let me ask the questions?
Well, I didn't say smash
everything to pieces if he didn't.
and we're not kidnappers.
because you won't let
me think for two seconds!
Ooh! Wow. This one smells
like someone gave birth.
- Okay. Do you think this will work?
- We don't have much of a choice,
Oh, you greedy Americans
think everything about money.
I... I have demand. Big demand.
I picked an accent and disguised my voice.
"Arigato" is Japanese.
I could have figured this out
if you had just left me alone,
"We are going to the
coolest place in the world
three and a half feet tall,
at least a hundred years old.
Yeah, plus, we shouldn't be trusted
How the hell did you do that?
I hate this place so much.
If we just relax, he'll leave us alone.
and you can't take him away.
And I'll make it up to you.
Aired 6 years ago - Jan 16, 2018
Mickey and the gang take a trip to New York City and discover that Jimmy is flourishing at an investment firm. While chatting with the firm's partners, Mickey sings Jimmy's praises in hopes that they will give him a promotion. Meanwhile, Chip visits his biological father.
And on the weekends, I
would sleep in the penthouse.
No way, I am not going there.
You know?
No, shut up. Shut up!
How'd you get past the bouncer?
Yeah, yeah. Nice try.
You're probably at the wrong place,
You want to come with us?
Yeah.
I have company. My bosses are here.
I needed a fresh start.
Jimmy Shepherd had to go.
This is Mickey, this is Alba,
- We should take Dusty.
- Yeah.
Okay.
and all the finest trim
that Florida has to offer.
Get out! Get out right now!
Ew, did he touch you? You can tell me.
I'm taking my cut.
Yeah. I think that's a very smart move,
That's what he does. He sells things.
If these guys are gonna mess
their shorts for a hundred Gs,
- All right!
- Big Ben the seller.
We have to get that guy to Florida.
I didn't want you to do that.
Yeah. That's right.
How are you? I'm, I'm Bert Bellinger.
Actually, you know what?
No, that's, uh, Ron Goldman.
Oh, yeah!
- What's that?
- Like the movie.
'Cause if Jimmy finds out
he stepped in crap again,
Okay. Uh, and a white wine.
Really leaning into this
Manhattan thing, huh?
Jimmy, are you sure you want to do this?
For the first time in a long
time, I'm proud to be me.
Four Manhattan clam chowders.
I brought a lot of
cash. I hope that's okay.
Gentlemen, so sorry to
interrupt your dinner.
- Absolutely.
- Am I a walrus?
Yeah. My name is, uh, you know,
Amazing! I...
Aired 6 years ago - Jan 09, 2018
Sabrina believes she's a shoo-in at Yale, but on the day of her interview, she takes a risk that may ruin her chances and jeopardize her future. Meanwhile, Alba gets a visit from her cousin and must pretend to be a maid again, so her family doesn't disown her.
I walk through another
door and out another door
This is a beautiful palace
you live in.
You need to un...
Okay, he is my cousin
from Guatemala.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I can do that.
I can't look in every
single closet in the school.
Please open the door.
It-it can-can look
like a stranger's
No, no, no. You're not in
trouble. Everything's good.
What?
I'll just start pouring,
and if there's no bowl,
Good for you.
Alba, please.
Why?
What is so special about this kid?
Okay...
that's how you want to play it...
I'm sure he'll sprout
hella pubes any day now.
Alba, today I woke up
with no maids.
Whoa.
Yep. Yep. Again.
I just don't want you
to sabotage yourself.
And I see that now, but
you know what, I was afraid.
Right.
No, Mickey!
Aunt Mickey?
I had to poop. What are you doing?
It's an announcement.
It was in my head, too.
in the upstairs hallway, so I'm
gonna need you to mop that up.
after an incident
in the boys' locker room.
And I find something very interesting.
A mystery.
No.
I want you to fire Dagoberto,
Mm-hmm, you're right.
I don't speak your language.
All right, come on.
Let's go see Principal Gibbons.
I remember.
we're gonna have to let you go.
I mean, I guess, I guess
we could work some...
Perfectly smooth cojones.
Thank you so much for saying that.
- I'm gonna get back into my music, okay?
- Yes.
Aired 6 years ago - Jan 02, 2018
Sabrina decides to throw a get-together with talented artists in order to impress them. After learning that Ben's new friend has a celebrity mom who loves art, Mickey decides to co-host the event in order to sway her. Meanwhile, Chip goes on a spontaneous camping trip with Howard.
spying on us, okay.
Damn it.
- Oh, you're reading the news...
- Uh-huh.
Okay. Um...
can I borrow your computer?
Look, I'm not gonna lie to you.
Hmm, see what kind of exercises
they're doing.
You're demanding my hard drive!
Uh, yeah, uh,
I-I'm an intern.
At school,
they call me "Kid Ethics."
Hey, uh, have you guys
seen Mickey?
Because your aunt
just walked in on me
Teach me everything.
Yes, I've admitted it
multiple times,
- How?
- I'm a man, and I need it.
So sorry. Wrong office.
I-I got to...
She's much nicer than that,
I promise.
you asked your sister
out on a date?
and we're both
your sister, so....
Don't worry.
I wish, buddy.
That's what I keep saying.
It's different.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Looks like it's seen
a lot of games.
- A show? You guys watching shows?
- It's actually...
Maybe we should get some drinks.
Good to see you.
Kelly will be right down.
Ah! I'm just messing
with you, back.
Oh, no, we're not going
to the concert.
Driver, we need to change
our drop-off.
You did not see
the Beatles in concert.
If the lady says she didn't
vomit, she didn't vomit.
Your bar smells like puke.
Hey, Jenna, what's up, babe?
- Hey, what took you so long?
- Ah...
It was Jenna.
She's on her way now.
Howard frickin' Buckley!
You shouldn't be
wasting your time
- I just... I want...
- Okay, okay. Hey, Chip. Chip.
All right. What is it?
Aired 6 years ago - Dec 05, 2017
After finding out that he is the product of an affair his mother had a long time ago, Chip decides to seek out his biological father. Meanwhile, Mickey and Jimmy re-examine their relationship.
What's divorce?
I googled your real father
and it turns out
What?
- think about you?
- Oh, my God.
I mean, sure, yeah,
there are other people there.
- What're you doing, all right?
- Yeah.
Just, uh, got to use the
restroom.
Uh, yeah, uh,
I-I'm an intern.
At school,
they call me "Kid Ethics."
Hey, uh, have you guys
seen Mickey?
Because your aunt
just walked in on me
and I was actually kind of
ramping up to something,
You're a hypocrite,
is what you are.
You're 14 years old.
- R-Really.
- Come on. You'd be doing me
with the ladies,
but this is not the answer.
We don't inherit and steal
like your jailbird dad.
How about this: tonight,
I'm opening the door, slowly.
Yeah, little Ben
really spun me out, too.
Look, I can never
unburn your ass.
What... no, sorry. Um, what?
Um, ooh! There was something
I was gonna remember to tell you.
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
Even before just now.
I frickin' love music.
Driver, we need to change
our drop-off.
You did not see
the Beatles in concert.
If the lady says she didn't
vomit, she didn't vomit.
Well, what do you say
we head back to the house and...
Cool, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just give me a few minutes to,
- I'll call a car.
- No, no, no.
Whatever. It's not like
we're dating, anyways.
you're smart,
super frickin' chill...
What the hell.
- Ow! Ah, no, the pipes.
- You all right? You okay?
Aired 6 years ago - Nov 28, 2017
Sabrina's relationship with her poetry teacher has Mickey concerned, so Mickey takes matters into her own hands and humiliates the both of them in front of her peers. Meanwhile, Chip enlists Jimmy's help to improve his ranking on the 8th grade hot list.
- (SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
- Do it. Jump already.
I don't know what that means. Shh.
- Ew, gross.
- Yeah.
- Get out of here.
- Wha... ?
That's gonna shine up real nice.
You look like a jackass.
Okay? You got no hook.
than the fact you got your
ass kicked by a ten-year-old.
- Excuse me?
- Oh, your little cheering section over there.
I see you. I see right through you.
I'm Brian.
and we got so faded.
anywhere near that guy,
'cause I poisoned the well...
Nope. Actually, I was with a man.
I'm sorry?
First of all, I'm not
anywhere near fi...
How is that not rude?
It's nothing, don't worry about it.
Okay, but there's only one
slice of 'roni left, and 'roni...
My friend here will take a body bag."
I'm mad mysterious.
and embrace its weight.
- Sabrina Pemberton? You know her?
- Yeah, I'm her aunt.
Okay, what do you like to
eat? You like, uh, pizza?
- (SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
- All right. Well, h... hold on a second. Hey.
You're looking at the second
hottest dude in eighth grade.
Nothing. Some kid was dogging on me,
(GRUNTS)
- (GRUNTS)
- ♪ I never owe nobody else ♪
- (GRUNTS)
- BEN: You'll thank me later.
- because nothing happened.
- Okay, now I'm pissed off.
Well, looked just like him.
(GASPS) Oh, you think
you can hide from me?
♪ ♪
There you are, bro. I've been
looking everywhere for you.
Y... yeah. (SCOFFS) T... totally. Six?
- Look, I don't know what she told you...
- He said have a seat, Brian.
- He does this thing with your ears. It's...
- Tha... that's...
- I mean, technically it's true.
- Finally.
Wait, you didn't know
she was a Lockwood parent?
he will not admit to
Sabrina that we had sex.
76% of teachers in America
are female, so you're...
Well, maybe you don't know your
Ben as well as you think you do.
Hey, nice belt buckle.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
Okay, thank you. Thank
you, Ben. Thank you.
Aired 7 years ago - Nov 21, 2017
Mickey and Jimmy bring the gang back to their hometown of Warwick to celebrate the retirement of Jimmy’s high school baseball number and discover how much of a big shot he was. When they meet up with old friends, Jimmy learns that Mickey may have
had a hand in ruining his chances at a professional baseball career. Meanwhile, Chip and Sabrina find themselves in a pickle with some spoiled Warwick teenagers.
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Another round for us,
Shirley, okay? It's on me.
He one time ripped a man's ears off.
I'm not gonna go sit in a hot
car like some teen mom's baby.
No, that's a common misconception.
Yeah. Looked like a Clydesdale.
I heard your number's getting
retired. Congratulations.
- That's where all the power comes from.
- That's right, kid.
I'm happy for him.
- So you never told him...
- Wait. Do you need a beer?
Yeah, well, he doesn't
and he can't know now.
Then I am gonna tell Jimmy
Ben's a jack away from
uncovering the vagina.
- What a loser.
- Well, I see that, and I'm like,
Wow. That is some good
high school gossip, Mickey.
Mike O'Meara is.
What did I just step in?
God, you are such a wang. Come on.
Do it. Do it.
- Sabrina, what the hell?
- Do you want your stuff back or not?
and then I started flirting
with him super hard.
For the record, I was not
anticipating this much violence,
Should I continue beating this man?
What the hell's the
matter with you, O'Meara?
Okay. This is a train wreck.
She put it between your cheeks.
What about your nuts?
I mean... y... y... you're,
like, a fire investigator
Shh, shh, shh. That's okay, papito.
Get the hell away from me.
That'll put, like, three
kids through college,
I got to go get this picture of my boob.
Oh, hey, Sabrina. Mmm.
Uh... The ceremony's about to start.
One that, for the record,
wasn't entirely my fault,
The point is, you make mistakes in life,
Right.
Bravery's for poor people,
like soldiers and policemen.
number 69,
L... let's tip our cap.
Is it his arm or his ass or is it really
- Jimmy, nobody wants this.
- Get your hands off me.
Aired 7 years ago - Nov 14, 2017
Mickey and the kids go to great grandmother Rita Pemberton's 100th birthday celebration at her huge mansion. Mickey takes advantage of Rita when she discovers that Rita believes Mickey to be an old friend, but later learns that their friendship was
more than just platonic. Meanwhile, the kids' grandmother, Tippy, gives the family an unexpected surprise.
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obey your every
single command...
I've been looking all over
for you.
Sometimes I think
I should have
She's 100 years old.
She needs her rest.
I'll have an aneurysm.
I thought you had
to get back to Florida.
♪♪
all by herself,
collecting dust like a mummy?
Helen, I have to tell you,
it is wonderful having you here.
Wow. Good memory.
- And you took a bottle of
champagne and threw it... -Mm.
What the hell is this?
Mm-mm. mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Play tennis?
Ooh, go chase a rabbit?
Benny!
(Chuckles):
okay.
Pop it off. I'll do it.
It's a good fit.
(Cracking, grunting)
You're 100.
If I get to be 100,
- Damn the rules, am I right?
Pull! -(Chuckles) Yeah.
And, my goodness,
that mule got you, didn't he?
just 'cause you didn't like
your breakfast?
♪ Somebody help me ♪
- ♪ somebody help me ♪
- (shouts)
- No!
- What ? Didn't we have a nice day?
(High pitched) Yeah. I'm seeing it.
I'm sorry.
Rita, it's not you.
oh, man, I would be all over that.
Oh! There you are!
Listen.
I am cleaner
than I've ever been.
Hey. "we all got to
make sacrifices," remember?
I got cold beer, crisp shirts,
You're only on a first-name
basis with those you betray.
Helen and I need time alone.
- She what? -She said that
"Helen and I need time alone."
Nobody's ever tried to
kill anybody for me before.
I know it's 3:00.
Oh, a little more covered
than I'd like.
No. come on.
No more gifts, okay?
I got to go back to Florida.
I always will.
All right? She's just trying
to get off on some
Aired 7 years ago - Nov 07, 2017
When Mickey finds out Ben takes medication to keep him focused, she is determined to prove that he is a perfectly functioning kid without it. She and Alba take over his struggling science fair project, but become overly invested, while Jimmy helps Chip make his secret boys club cool again.
We took an oath, remember?
I'm sorry. I apologize.
When they took me off
lithium, I went full-on crazy.
- That is our job.
- Yeah, that's right.
Okay. Wow. Doesn't take much
Hmm, well, not that exciting, but, uh...
Yeah, what kind of something?
If you tell anybody, I'll beat your ass.
Called ourselves Boys in the Hole.
Go, go, go,
Come on, even the weird
gray part at the bottom.
A hat you can pee in.
- Yeah.
- But I still have more ideas.
- All right. I'm leaving.
- Hey.
Right? She's a beaut.
Even if it was for just one
destruction-soaked afternoon.
Uh, I paid for that. It's
official Acorn Boys property.
- What?
- Hear me out. Listen. I know
I don't see any other way.
And modern. Biodegradable.
- Aw, damn it. Close. Okay.
- Yeah, I know. Aw, shoot.
Well, you're kind of right.
But you're also wrong as hell.
Uh, let me check my notes.
I did not write anything.
That's okay.
into this box, and that
gold medal will be ours.
So, yeah, now it's on you.
That way he's a victim, not a loser.
Hmm...
- Yes! That is more like it.
- Yeah! Yeah.
You're gonna be fine.
Okay? We can fix this.
Andrew, I'm sorry I said you
look like the tired emoji.
You wouldn't happen to know
anything about that, would you?
His teacher is covered in blood
how hard we... B... Ben worked on this?
Oh, now there's that little bugger.
Aired 7 years ago - Oct 17, 2017
Mickey and Jimmy throw a Halloween party in their spooky, charred mansion but things get out of hand. Sabrina hopes to use the house party to cement her legacy, which her parents have tarnished, and Mickey teaches some pranksters a lesson.
if you don't get sexy ladybug.
Jimmy, can you quarantine him?
I'm back in the field, where I belong.
Thank you for your
concern. I appreciate it.
- Look, even if we were having a party...
- Which we are not.
And if I hear so much
as one noise complaint,
Stop! Stand down! I command you.
Come o...
- Wow, this party is awesome.
- Oh, yeah.
Okay. Normally that would gross me out,
Put, uh, some cold
medication in some candy...
- What? Okay, what's he doing?
- Damn it.
Is this a party worthy of the
legendary Sabrina Pemberton?
After I sink my teeth into him,
Damn it! There's
supposed to be a skeleton
But I'll tell you what I can do.
Come on, bring it!
This man is not to be
respected. He has no authority.
You know, coming
around, snorting around,
- Alba!
- Oh, mischief, baby!
Need you to extinguish. Copy?
Uh, copy-copy. Roger-dodger. Over.
- Oh, thanks.
- It's, like, Tinker Bell
Honestly, what did she think
was gonna happen, right? I mean,
- or you're gonna get electrocuted.
- Hey, watch it.
Idiot!
I will murder you!
Got him.
because he thinks that
you're unattainable,
Oh. Is Matty Pruitt shy?
Oh, whoa, Matty, slow down, okay?
He lives in the city,
charge you with assault,
probably just toss you in juvie,
Eating eggs...
Oh, you just hand over
a 50-gallon drum of slime
And it's fine, 'cause I played it off
I could kick the door down
and screw their daddies, too!
Aired 7 years ago - Oct 10, 2017
Mickey takes Sabrina to visit her mother in jail to gain closure, but it turns out Mickey may be the one who needs it the most. While visiting his father, Chip learns that he is in danger behind bars and enlists Jimmy for help. Meanwhile, Ben inadvertently distracts the bullies.
Right. Well, as
productive as that sounds,
Where the hell are we?
Then we're just two
ladies having a spa day.
That's the thing that
sets this particular...
a tailor-made experience
that will not only, you know,
I don't care what you do.
God, it feels good to be on the
other side of that one for once.
Yeah, I broke the law, but, I mean,
for the pain that I've
caused you and Chip and Ben.
You know what, uh, I think
we should abort, all right?
then I'll be the bigger man.
Oh.
- Dad, are...?
- I'm not your father.
That was my roommate... Ziggy.
- Like what?
- I don't know. Maybe just...
It gunks up your gears.
If you put the fixings
underneath the patty,
This is bigger than lettuce, okay?
I will get you a new burger.
Well, someone is.
Okay, you're not getting
thrown in anywhere, all right?
Follow my lead.
Only if you're a punk.
that I was sort of left
out of the apology earlier,
Oh. Uh, well, the way I see it,
It is always the money with you.
I'm sorry, I was drunk.
Oh, like you didn't do
the same thing with Derek.
First one to the line wins.
Thanks. I hope my dad has
I'm not allowed near fire
since I burned down my house.
I know there's got to be something
I don't really care about money.
- Oh, yeah? How's their optometrist?
- What?
- You should eat your veggies...
- No.
Oh. I warned you.
and my closure, not
you and your petty crap
Same here.
Aired 7 years ago - Oct 03, 2017
Mickey's relationship with Alba is tested when Greenwich divorcee Trish hits rock bottom and becomes the perfect new friend for Mickey. When Mickey sends Jimmy over to help Trish with some home repairs, she begins to question just how casual her relationship with him really is. Meanwhile, Sabrina and Ben take a shot at Chip’s ego.
and I feel like I'm kind of losing my mind.
Okay.
Okay. Thanks for that, by the way.
- I definitely won't. - No, I got it in Venice.
I want to swim another lap in those boobs?
No, trick question.
I like the squirrel.
I don't get it.
- Really? - Yeah.
Come on!
I finally found someone I want to hang out with.
You're the only handyman I know.
I did black out somewhere around Ms. Carrington's funeral,
Mickey! Come on in, girl.
He tell you about that month he spent in a homeless shelter?
You can go.
It's kind of his thing.
- Okay. Are you sure? - Yeah. Please.
That's correct.
It's whatever you want it to be.
So... let's just hope I don't get murdered.
Okay, I was not annoying! I was cool, but modest!
But, but I-I'm your older brother.
No, we just, we talk about it.
is the bastard son of his business partner.
- Loser. - What a boner.
Trish and I got cranked on sangria.
- What? - Well, Trish moving in on Jimmy like that.
Good night, Mickey.
Maybe lay off the salt for a couple days, you know?
No, like, going to this thing with Trish.
If you are late to a wedding,
Finally, right?
Some people are complaining.
It's good, huh?
but you're not supposed to be with him.
- That's becoming clear to me now. - But I wasn't...
Nah.
- Mick? - Wait!
- Okay, Mickey, can I... - Jimmy, just let-- just shut up.
And when somebody pets my dog, I don't like it.
Aired 7 years ago - Sep 26, 2017
Mickey and the kids are forced to downgrade from their temporary residence at a hotel after their financial advisor cuts them off due to excessive spending. Mickey and Sabrina refuse to accept the decision and launder up a plan to prevent anyone
from stopping their stride. Meanwhile, Jimmy teaches Chip that the tricks to living in a luxurious hotel can be simple.
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The only frickin' amenity
is a fricking Bible!
Well, in a perfect world,
it's gonna snap my neck,
All right, so, what's the plan?
Yeah, that's kind of
something you got to earn.
I'll take it.
For example... oh. What's this?
My brother's a pretty big guy.
He plays on the varsity team.
that I can order porn
on whenever I want.
Ah, nah, bro. No can do.
No, this is me talking,
your best friend, Alba.
Hey, big news. I got pubes.
Yeah. I got a method.
Think I could do that, too?
I... what are you trying to communicate?
Aw, thanks.
But yeah, it's not for us.
- He's gay, right?
- What?
Yeah, and married.
Okay.
It's a bit amateur hour.
Yeah. And, you know,
but you just make it up.
But, uh, we're 1242.
because we were just
at a five-star hotel,
No, not you. This guy...
Handsome one, with the arms.
I mean, I'm not a drug dealer.
- Aren't you gay?
- Mm, I'm a survivor, sweetheart.
Another day in paradise.
Chips and Dip!
Chill out.
Maybe if you'd bothered to read Eloise,
to be with you all. Amen."
- I had a bottle of...
- That is so good to hear.
Rear-end him... Just
a little tap, okay?
Oh, wow. Hey. Oh, you're bleeding.
Of course it's working.
It's a great plan.
Oh, no problem. What's the
name on the reservation?
What the hell's going on?
I apologize. That's my mistake.
but you can come back any time, okay?
Yeah?
the teeniest, littlest
bit of my respect.