Stan Against Evil

Stan travels back in time to save Claire and he succeeds, but dies in the process, forcing Evie to go back and save him; Leon loses his head over a new gal.

Stan summons a spirit to help him travel back in time to save Claire, and in the process, an evil replica is created who thinks only of murder; real Stan must commit an unthinkable crime to complete his time travel mission.

Denise takes a nanny job for a demon baby who feeds off her affection; Kevin gets beaten up by a baby, which is not a coincidence.

but at least you died doing what you love...

Uh, plums,

I did. Aiden Braden.

A candle, couple of beers.

Why are you reading that?

I was wondering where she was.

Wow. Oh, that's so funny.

because my lemonade is warm.

You're not that bad for a human baby.

You're not dating a baby?

Can I talk to you alone for a second?

The military was testing the effect of rum drinks on the sleep deprived.

I spent a lot of time around some really bad people,

and that's a lot of money for someone that's never been around babies before.

Okay.

Oh.

That's what I had for lunch.

It's that baby she's watching.

Aah!

Skunk attack. Hot coffee.

How's that? No.

to believe that a baby did this to you?

but not this.

Where'd she put the mustard, you might ask?

Who knew taking care of a baby would be so much work?

whatever note that was used to make cats throw up.

and I think we need to talk about it.

He only kicked the shit out of himself

And he hates Kevin. He growls and barks and...

- Aiden Braden. - Okay.

It can take many forms that inspire endearment,

We got to get to him.

The Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

"My Slayland."

All right.

When Evie wears an antique ring, she begins having dreams of killing people…who actually turn up dead.

or less unmarried, something like that?

You probably... I mean, when you were...

I'm very bitter. How much?

- Thanks. Help me out. - Lift with your back.

Wouldn't want that on me.

We find the owner of these handprints,

Hahhhh...

Now, that's a man's man.

- Ahh, you ruined it. - This is serious!

in my sleep! It's horrible!

(a) Do not think about it and

He threatened to beat up my dad because

Oh, don't you worry. This won't be

Wait. "Too"? Like "also" too?

Listen, I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight.

Well, here, I'd love to do it, but,

I'm just gonna grab some coffee.

And I have nicer hands.

Oh! They found a long, gray hair on the jacket.

Oh, so we're lookin' for a dead female

the guy you killed?

Yeah, hey, Stan, it's me.

Jawohl, mein Commandant.

I totally tongue-darted her yesterday.

He... promised to leave his wife for me

Constable Eccles appeared to me.

And, eventually,

I wanted you to see what it's like

Listen to me. Either pipe down

When the bachelor on a TV dating show hypnotizes Evie, and the same man bets on Stan’s life, they all become prey to a murderous game of fate.

Oh, cripes.

I emptied my bean bag chair,

Oh, it's nice to see you, too.

but there's already a show called "Jackass."

go through all that bullshit.

Who will "The Fiancé" send home?

Glory hole's in the bathroom there, Liberace.

without touching the bottle

♪ And I won't walk away ♪

Hot popcorn!

I'll wager you that the next patron will order

but in about four minutes, your ass is gonna open up

Why are you wearing makeup?

A dead woman's makeup.

I'll throw up. Enough. But...

All right.

and the only way I'm gonna be able to do that

My witches brew is just two ingredients,

So, before I kill you, I'm going to give you a head start.

And who would know better than you?

And this is the reason why you became sheriff.

but before I could run off, he grabbed my leg,

And I just started to kick the living shit

I decided I wanted to be a cop.

Hell, it was a match made in heaven.

My most terrifying moment

Sometimes you gotta just let that shit go there, Jazz Hands.

I have a gift for you, Evie.

For me?

that there's something that's been bothering me.

she doesn't think you're here for the right reasons.

Christ. I'll crawl right back in the goddamn hole.

Oh, I'm not going to lose.

But the crazy person in my house is the cops.

I've forgiven you!

Why is everyone still alive?

When Evie's ex-husband buys a pony for their daughter, Evie discovers having a horse can be deadly.

you'll know exactly where he is.

Mom, you have to come out and meet Daffodil!

You unbelievable jackass.

And it doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And yet, this remains, which will haunt me forever.

Well, uh... he ate a magazine.

You're gonna be the mayor of Ponytown!

Doctor says all my back teeth are about to crumble.

Oh, no, she never sleeps in her own bed.

♪ Whistlin' along on the Lonesome Trail ♪

♪ Yippe ty-yo yippie-yi-ay ♪

Jesus!

Seemed I swerved and ended up in a ditch,

Excuse me.

I'm gonna call you that truck from the car.

Maybe that's what the killer wants you to think?

and, uh... all of these got to go back through the wash.

Why is he here?

We were in and out in 30 seconds.

and like, ask you some questions about a weird guy I met,

So many ponies.

I'm moving to Willard's Mill.

Well, Kenny... this is never going to happen.

- Ugh! - So, what are you saying?

I just...

Change my diaper!

kind of talking about maybe seeing something strange

Yeah. You okay? You seem on edge.

Well, somewhere, there's a lucky ol' cowpoke

I will see ya around the barnyard.

This whole thing has been a real barrel of...

I left the new issue of "Jugs" in the crapper!

So, I went out, and I got these.

Okay, if that's the way you want it, I'm out of here...

Hey.

That's the best offer I've had all day.

Kenny's not... perfect.

are you ready for this... a pony.

Mm.

I may have put a transponder on his car.

I admit, I fell for Evie hard.

Stan can travel back in time to save Evie, but she will forever be a ghost unless they can get rid of someone else from the past.

all legends aren't necessarily true.

Well, I guess you end up standing over there.

So I don't know what the hell else I'm supposed to do!

Child of Satan, you shall be purified...

Well, that was close.

Right, right.

Oh, thanks.

You know, you... you are unbelievable.

I'm just happy to be here.

to combine pop songs with a classical structure.

While you were in the bathroom?

as punk began to work its way into the U.K. charts.

Evie's making that discovery right now.

you could, um...

how easy it was for you to travel back 400 years?

to maybe save the life of someone you lost?

and one year is 1/400th of an eye, carry the 2...

I don't know. Did I tell you the plan?

Hello, Sheriff.

I'm serious, Sheriff.

And by then, I'll be ready for him.

Sure thing.

Well, I was on my way to a party,

What are you doing?!

Oh, she's probably out getting her hair done.

You're gonna what?!

I gotta either send that little girl back where she came from or...

Oh!

Stan meets descendants of a Wiccan coven, the Black Hat Society, who help him start to solve the mystery of Evelyn Barret.

You have some girlfriend you're not telling me about?

walking in here,

Hey! Hey!

How... How do I know you?

Leon?

Oh, I'm fine, Leon.

If you don't want snacks, fine.

Well, what can I get you that you would like, Clifford, diarrhea?!

Stan!

You got a Barret back here?

They're witches... so they say.

If somebody said that to me, I wouldn't want to hear the rest.

you're Fleetwood Mac is not exactly the...

How do I know you?

Unh-unh, unh-unh-unh.

While Claire was alive, this room was strictly off limits.

I shut the door and left.

Nobody in the house uses them,

Mr. Miller! My wife was not a witch!

I mean, you and her?

I just heard a woman's voice

it's time to start doing some real drinking.

Not the people who were burned as withes,

who was put to the stake, but then vanished.

that Evelyn Barret was rescued by the prophesied one.

He had abs like Michael Phelps.

Oh! It's like magic.

But I... I can do it.