Love

Troubles keep mounting for Gus as he gets a taste of life in the writers' room. Meanwhile, a new crisis pushes Mickey to the breaking point.

Might have been my fault. I left the door open in my room.

It's probably all right anyway, 'cause I had the vet put one of those...

- That was too far, I think. - It does happen.

Do not eat cookies. Don't eat any sugar.

Maybe Jen has some. I'm gonna...

I mean, it's a good change.

- A quarry? - A quarry.

- Uh-huh. - So you get the "story by."

I don't know, Bertie. I don't think this is gonna work.

- Oh. - That's the first thing

What if the murderer strangles someone?

Or a letter opener, if that were his thing?

So, who could we kill? Uh, maybe Sheriff Buck?

why don't they lose their powers when they go menopausal?

- What, Gus? What? - You know, The Sopranos

- You're no Siskel. You're no Ebert. - You're getting upset.

- Dude! - I'm sorry.

This place is toxic.

- Excuse me? - I know what you do.

- We don't even have Wi-Fi. - Then how do you kill 'em?

- You okay? - No, I just got fired.

Oh, my God. No, she won't, Arya. She's not gonna change her mind.

- Why not? - Because you're 12 years old, Arya,

And... action!

If he's not here on Monday, I'm not going into makeup.

I'm a cunt? I... I didn't ask her to do this.

So, okay, my bottom.

- Hi. Waverly, love and sex addict. - Hi, Waverly.

All I wanted my whole life was to find a man who would love me,

I spent my whole life trying to avoid being alone because I was terrified.

Yeah, it's just, like, you know, in the most emasculating way possible.

- Hold on. Give me a second. - Oh, okay.

They just killed me off the show.

- I bet. Ugh, Jesus, I'm so sorry. - It's okay.

Yeah, I know, and I don't think we're married.

- Call it like it is. Right? - Call it quits. Yeah.

A leg.

Grampsy, we love you, little boy.

Gus gets exciting news at work, but a surprise visit from Mickey sends the day spiraling in a new direction.

Oh, really?

I just... I'm like, uh... chasing my own tail in this relationship.

I worked with that chick Jennifer Lawrence last summer.

You got to really stop kissin' ass, man. He's a dick.

and then the fries from McDonald's.

That's super fucked up.

My phone died, and I just... I feel so bad about the whole night.

'Cause you haven't even really seen LA. What's more LA than a studio tour?

Ahhh! I can't wait.

Anyone?

Let me ask you this. Could Pastor Lewis be the killer?

but the idea, as crazy as it sounds, is actually Gus's.

Cameron and Kate are two lonely women from opposite sides of the Atlantic,

Okay. So on your left is a courthouse...

Was that bad? Am I in trouble? I... I, like, did it on my own worktime.

Yes. I mean, if that's what the deal is then, yes.

We can't be on the lot and not say hi to him.

- Pretty big. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It is? Okay.

Like, because of the size they can put a water tank in here.

I love it. I think it's so much better than comedy.

Good. Uh... I got some good news.

- Uh, Executioner's Song by Norman Mailer. - What's it about?

Uh... you really shouldn't be here.

- What do you mean your script? - Yeah, uh, Witchita bought my spec script.

Don't be such a stick in the mud. Is he always this lame?

I think, uh, I'm gonna be really busy and, um...

- Thanks, dude. - This is actually kind of a better angle.

"Exterior, Witchita.

"A single raindrop dangles from the church steeple."

- This is very disappointing. - Yeah.

- I could maybe wear it as a nightgown... - Yeah.

Can I talk to you for one second?

Okay. Well, first of all, you showed up unannounced again, you know?

and then you immediately become like every other lame girl

and you're not fucking a piece of shit anymore, okay?

- Oh, I'm the mean one? - You're actually a really mean person.

Okay, Heidi, can you just, uh, give us some...

Can I have security at the front gate please?

Bertie? Hey, this is Mickey. I'm sorry, I know I fucked up.

Oh, well, uh, I'm un... unemployed right now.

At 12, I was probably still sleeping in my mom's bed.

As Mickey frets over the fallout from their date, a new guest shakes things up at Gus's movie night jam session.

Release me!

Oh, you're so funny, Gus.

Thanks, yeah, no, we... Yeah, we have fun.

- No. No, no, you didn't. - I didn't meant to do that.

♪ I came in ninth ♪

Just be careful, man. You can't go around fucking the girls on the show.

Kevin, if I can be honest, I feel a little judged by you right now.

Well, that's okay. I hate it when that happens in movies anyway.

If it'll just start.

I've been sitting here this whole time. They're not clean.

♪ He's a superstar-Lito's Way ♪

Of course. Yeah.

Yeah, you probably have one, too.

Yeah, you too. I brought some snacks.

Gus told me about, uh, your singing-theme-song party.

I know you were on the Canadian Singing for the Stars,

- Mmm, I knew it! - Yep.

♪ He left the door ajar ♪

♪ It's either Carlito's Way ♪

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um...

Uh, you want two drinks?

Oh, no, no. I mean, that's not why I didn't text you or anything.

I mean, obviously, you're, like, so pretty.

What comes next, Mom?

No, we can, like, make things happen that didn't actually happen in real life.

Sometimes I want to put a pillow over her head and end her.

Okay, so, like, what rhymes...

Oh...

Yeah, let's, uh, work with that. So, um...

We might try to put 'em up on, uh, funnyordie.com one day.

Something usually cool comes out of it if everybody just, kinda...

Uh, excuse me, sorry.

- Oh, wow. Big change. - Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know...

tough for her.

You... I don't know, I ask you to come to this,

- Would you be naked? - But that's a weird thing.

No, you didn't see her outside?

- Later, buddy. I'll see you tomorrow. - See you, dude.

Gus sets out to dazzle Mickey on their first real date, but the night doesn't go quite as he planned.

I mean, this is the first time it's backfired.

Ew, no. No, because they're gross and I hate them!

Can you get some tissues?

- Mmm-mmm. That's good. It's okay. - ...hear this nice bone-crunching sound.

All right.

No, I... think I might have some plans for us.

- Oh. - So...

- Really? - Oh, yeah, all the time.

- He'd go... - "Chilly beans." Uh.

Shopping? What...

God. Should I call my mom right now and ask her if I was molested?

Well, who's Roy G. Biv?

But yeah, anyway, tetrachromats, you know, are, a lot of times, um, women.

Only the garlic chicken comes with the ponzu.

It was a long pee. Shut up. Don't pay attention to that.

A member.

Tonight, you know, what you're gonna see is, like, the real shit.

- Ugh, Jesus. - And it's like, if you think about it,

- Welcome home. - Aw, thank you.

- There it is! What? - Easy come, easy go!

- Oh, I got one. I got it. Yeah. - You got it? Okay.

Okay, so, balloon, ordinary balloon, and ordinary phone.

Yeah, okay, whatever. I don't care.

Uh, I don't mean to sound like super-crazy or annoying or anything,

Like, why aren't there any female magicians at this place?

- I feel like half of it is like... - Right.

Ma'am, we believe you've had enough entertainment for the evening.

- So embarrassing. - Whatever! Fuck these guys.

Like, defying the laws of nature, whatnot.

Like, I like seeing a guy pull a necktie out of a magazine, okay?

and I would've happily watched her all night.

I'm just not good with arbitrary rules and people who get off on being dicks.

A newly confident Gus turns heads on set, while a disturbing day at the radio station leaves Mickey feeling reckless.

- Pine nuts on top, very jiggy. - Mmm.

You're like a boy scout.

People don't care if the calls are real. They care if the advice is real.

- Hey, Gus. - Hey, I don't know if you noticed,

You seem like you're in a really good mood today. Am I wrong?

This must be before I met her parents.

Okay, can you be more specific?

Okay. Are you in some sort of a program?

- Elise, the cousin. - Or so we think.

No, you know honestly, with this show,

Just a hunch here, Mindy.

Yeah, but that's what I'm doing.

I'm not. I just need you to understand that whether it is food, or drugs,

You know, uh... more than we ever had before and, um,

Yeah, no. Uh, everything's fine.

I know you're a busy guy. And I'm just having second thoughts.

Um, I don't want this to seem like I'm just shitting on your script.

Oh, um... I'm not sure, actually. But...

I touched the first piece of white pussy I've touched in at least six years!

What is your name, you gorgeous little Nazi princess?

Normally, I'd be into it,

The hot sauce, you had it out here. It's gone.

- That's embarrassing. - There's a plug right there.

Bette Davis!

Oh, my God.

'Cause we kiss each other...

I told you, I told you, I told you! You're such a stupid, stupid bitch.

Oh, my God, we're still going.

I don't know what kind of deal with the devil you've made,

and we went down to, like, South Central.

And then I... I blacked out, but I know it wasn't good.

Well... we'll just reset our apps.

Yeah, I don't know. How did I go wrong with Mickey, you know?

- That's ridiculous. - I was like,

She's like, "Every three pages something huge should happen," you know?

It's really fucking distracting.

Are you guys okay?

Uh, Heidi. Um...

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God, thank you.

Yes! That's right.

Just get an Uber. Go home and go to sleep.

As Mickey tries to get her life back on track, Gus takes his date with Bertie to hilarious extremes.

So, what's going on? Are you guys going to dinner?

Who cares? I should give more. I deserve to have fun.

- Ugh. - What? What are you reading?

for this fucking dump we're going to.

In a year, I'm gonna be bragging that I introduced you at your wedding.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

and the motherfucker comes up to me

mint on top, medium rare. It melts in your mouth.

This kid die or what?

Now on to design tip number 15:

- And for you, sir? - Um, yeah, could I just get a sea breeze?

I'm sorry, what? I didn't... Couldn't hear you.

And you, like... you moderate the focus groups or...

I disagree, too. I don't feel that way. It's just, like, other...

You know, waiters do that. They give you free drinks,

Yeah, me, too. It's not so bad.

Yeah, like, Mickey just hangs out with the cool kids.

If you're uncomfortable, just say you're uncomfortable.

Excuse me? Hi, um, could I...

- Thank you. - Aw, great. Thank you.

I'm sorry. That's not me.

I'm just gonna have them take it back.

- Problem with yours, though? - No.

Okay.

Fuck. I forgot to text my buddy.

Yeah, I mean, if Boston didn't just have, like, the coldest winter ever last year,

Oh, I'm done.

- Yeah. - I mean, what is terrorism?

I was thinking, maybe after we get out of here...

I'm really sorry. It was terrible, but I didn't know what to say.

I just put my kid to bed.

Today is my first day sober, again.

You know how they say, "When you feel like picking up a drink,

I had a guy try and get me to do heroin once.

I just gotta use the bathroom, and I'll get out of your hair.

Yeah, he's just in the bathroom, then he's gonna go.

- Yes. It was fun. - That was really fun.

Mix-ups and meltdowns abound when Mickey invites Gus to a party and comes face-to-face with mistakes from her past.

♪ She's gonna go to heaven But she's gone the other way ♪

I was never a big titty flasher.

I haven't had sex in over a week.

♪ It was the pe-pe-pe-pe-perfect storm ♪

♪ Oh, it's coming from down under ♪

It's gonna be great. This is gonna be...

- Clam shell. - Minge.

Jesus fucking Christ. I'll do it now.

How many people did Mickey invite?

Is she, like, usually a late person or...

Hi. Thanks so much for inviting me. Your house is gorgeous.

who always tried to give us massages?

What do you think, huh?

I'm a goofball, okay?

Really? She said you were the first one here.

Okay. Do what you have to do.

really stupid right now.

That's not true.

Are you in the bathroom?

You're... like a man.

Okay. Well, yeah, you did shit to me, too.

Oh, my God. Just... Whatever. Fuck off.

What about you? You got any tattoos?

Or, like, just, like, "fuck" across your throat.

Why don't I go grab a drink

It think it's kind of fascinating

First, try number one.

So, like, does, uh,

♪ I thought the only lonely place was On the moon ♪

♪ I thought the major Was a lady suffragette ♪

Oh, brother.

I love you, and I miss you.

or like, just like, a nice, mid-sized orgy?

- Where's he going? - Fuck.

Oh, shit!

Shaun and I did crack and then we went and we banged

Like, come on. Let's make shit happen.

Gus faces a make-or-break situation at work, while Mickey navigates a dicey new dynamic with her boss.

I know. I'm sorry. I was stopped, and then that asshole,

What, what?

Can you take a picture for my Instagram?

Yes, my hair looks better than my face today.

or else the witches are gonna be going to the moon

I don't know. I don't know what I'm... She was looking at me and I thought...

Right, right. No. See, that just can't happen.

she still has to take the test.

Well, hey, if you ever want me to come in and we spitball ideas or anything,

who thinks two beds might be better than one.

'Cause I would listen and I would give her some help.

We're finally done. I feel so much better about it.

I know. I'm in my 30s and I don't even drink those.

I know. That's why I never talk to her.

Dude, freaking out only makes it worse. She'll text, man.

"Plaid, polka dots, infidelity, co-dependency, you guessed it.

It is good that we can talk about work or Eric,

I mean, is this job worth not giving it a try?

Shit. There's not a crazier motherfucker than a therapist, man.

I can't do it. Fuck.

- Cool. Great... - Thin. Gross. Didn't want it.

You know, if you wanna see a free movie, all you have to do is call the theater

Yeah, totally. Uh, I just need to vent.

- But Mother, killing is wrong. - Not always.

Wow, Arya.

No, nope, nope, nope, nope.

We never have lunch together.

One of many reasons I wish I was black.

Arya, seriously...

They're not actors when they get older,

Life is tough, things get hard, and you're gonna wanna have a backup plan.

You can't fire me, 'cause you're fucking me.

You did, like, less than half of this. What's the deal?

Okay. It's okay. Hey, don't get upset, okay?

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

I can't believe you said that.

You got all pervy with her and then you fired her.

Do I give off just, like, some kind of fucking awfulness? Huh?

All I know is there is some sort of voice on the other side of the line

I wanted to let you know, uh, 'cause I think...

After Gus steps in to help Mickey out of a jam, the two end up on a bizarre odyssey through the streets of L.A.

- a huge haul? - I live right nearby.

Yeah, right, yeah.

Uh... but I live in the second "O."

They, like, bust, like, a coke ring, drug cartel sort of thing.

Oh, it's this, uh...

you know, I'm hoping one day,

Yeah, I guess now with the Internet,

I only use credit cards and Apple Pay.

- Coloring books. - From when I was a kid.

- It's a nice place. - Yeah, it's good, isn't it?

I can give you a ride. I have to go to Bliss House anyway.

So... Wait, so the guy you met here,

Cut, cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!

Huh, guys? A student film? Is that what this is?

Well, uh, tell your mom...

Yeah, no, 'cause if you smoke, then you're gonna feel better.

You're like a 40-year-old 12-year-old or something.

It's like watching my dad change a tire.

Indica like "in the couch." Body high.

"One way."

And for the other two, take... the cheese off of one,

Yeah, it's aggressive.

Yeah, she, like, walked in on us, and I was, like, playing with its boobs.

Oh, I'm sorry, dude. That fucking sucks.

Oh, that's good.

a guy, like, with no money, like, made Spaceballs?

but it's also, like, a spoof of, like, different sci-fi movies.

- Thanks for driving. - You're welcome.

- Shit, shit, shit! - What're you doing here?

You meant to come here.

- Great. She's got it. - She's gonna do it.

so why would you stop after we broke up, right?

- Mmm-hmm. - I said that this isn't working,

Yep, there's all your shit, Gus. Just boxes of DVDs.

- Oh, tell me. - That's it. We're done.

It's like, she never loved me.

All these movies I've watched...

- Go get 'em, tiger! - Oh, my God, this feels...

- Ugh! - Lies.

I flipped out in front of you at Natalie's, like,

While recovering from nasty breakups with their exes, Mickey makes a scene at a church and Gus stumbles into a confusing sexual encounter.

Why can't we just sit anymore?

Well, why wouldn't you say it back?

that you're just gonna be around and you're not gonna be in my life.

You tell people it's some sort of life hack, but it's just sad.

The difference is I have the balls to admit it.

Who cares, guys? It's fine.

So that's the bathroom, we have to share it.

and I don't feel like meeting with a ton of people. So?

Well...

Do not fear him. He is your protector.

God, just check the playback, I was doing it.

I don't know what to tell you, man. They're witches, they deal with animals.

You know, we'll... we'll work it out.

Nope. No naps today.

The fact that I'm not upset.

He's nicer than both of us.

Okay, you know what? I'll do it.

I don't know. It's just a little too cool. And now...

instead of like, bop Springwood, bop new place, bop Natalie.

I'm serious.

All right.

This old lady in E-2021 died.

Mickey, is that you?

Are you high right now?

like a church for all churches, you know.

You guys are doing it right. Seriously.

let us enjoy this one special moment in our lives...

We still have a couple of hours to kill. Do you wanna hang out at your place?

We had all these, like, wild, crazy plans.

- Mmm. Okay. - I... I don't think I have. No.

Come on. I know... I know you're digging this.

Hi, guys. Sorry, I'm on Ambien, so it's, um...

That's gotta be bullshit.

- Excuse me. Sorry, pardon me. - Okay.

Whoa! Hey.

No. I... I didn't mean it... Uh, it's just...