UnREAL

A life-changing offer from Serena and a shocking discovery about Dr. Simon drive Rachel to strongly question her future at "Everlasting"; Chet makes an astonishing confession; Quinn takes one final swing at Gary.

No, I know who I fired, Chet.

it's not going to be.

What kind of ambush are you planning this year?

- It's all right. - I'm not talking to you.

You mention one word to Rachel,

who will not empower you.

Um, everything's great.

I mean, this is a job for me, Quinn.

Oh. Dr. Simon?

The guy has been nothing but a complete professional.

Hi.

You're gonna need to take that cameraman with you.

I love your daughter.

What is wrong with you?

- I know you feel it. - Mnh-mnh.

Just get away from me. Get... get out of here.

far longer than I ever intende.

Get out of here, then.

Gary is so professional. He never talks about his family.

I would never count on

you know, like what we did, because you could never really tell her?

I have to live with for the rest of my life.

I've been obsessed with finding the perfect guy,

it doesn't really seem like you're feeling it

You know, like, push the suitor into making a choice

where a brave single dad will face a Wall Street wolf.

Okay, okay.

Uh, hold on.

Come on, let's hear it for Chet. Come on out, Chet.

I'll never settle for anything else.

- Chet, look at these tits! - Hey!

But when it's us together,

He's still a cocky prick, all the way to the end.

but I realize that I have to wait until I know for sure,

Come in!

Okay, "'Everlasting' just got lit, y'all,".

I saw you.

Maybe this is who I've always been.

Another great season, Rach!

And I have been doing everything I can to keep you for myself,

Rachel helps Serena navigate the home stretch and narrow the suitors down to two at Chet's lifetime achievement gala; clashing opinions cause a public fight.

You're just way off base about me and intimacy, dude.

It will be perfect.

that I had to put my dad in a home a few years back.

Just needed something to make myself feel better.

[SNAPS FINGERS] Come on.

Think about it.

And nobody has a problem with this offensive cultural appropriation?

Not even close.

- Oh! - Very brave. Thanks.

Closing yourself off is no way to live

I mean, I was gone for a lot of my daughter's life.

We were on a-a routine patrol one night

[SIGHS]

that she's gotta pick Daddy Do-Right.

She can hand them out to the reporters as they come in.

it's 'cause he was in here and he was all naked and sweaty

[SIGHS]

about the salmon puffs, which I know

Now, how about you tell me

Uh [SIGHS] now is not a good time.

Now, as for our gorgeous suitress,

and now I have to pimp myself out for some absurd building?

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe tomorrow.

♪♪

and I am happy to do it again.

that mental breakdown we've always known was coming.

Uh, you seem to be forgetting about a little thing called leverage.

Only 10 minutes left to bid

Hey, I need to do a down and dirty, one-on-one interview, so...

I don't need you to sell my shtick.

What do you think he did? I mean, I know that we've all seen

Uh, are we done?

It's disrespectful, man.

There are sick individuals in this world

Oh, my God!

What an eventful and yet sobering night

I mean, she pushed it way too far. Using what Owen told me earlier?

So much for essential honesty.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

scariest person I've ever met.

our one-of-a-kind, limited edition,

and I wish all of you the best.

The guy, he's clearly damaged.

Let me guess.

You learn that in Psych 101?

Mm-hmm, yeah. Incredible.

Listen, Chet, I mean, you saw my house.

[SIGHS]

so you are cut out.

Rachel confronts her mother; Serena gets ambushed by someone from her past, threatening her relationships with the remaining contestants; Chet struggles with Gary's offer.

All work and no play makes Jill even duller than Jack.

Madison, Quinn's not gonna fire you.

"Scary clown makes little girl piss in her pants" kinda sick?

Yeah. Eight miles before breakfast.

We're just... we're just putting some "Everlasting" glitz on it.

to give Serena a glimpse...

I really need you back there.

That's a... a banking event in Switzerland.

I mean, I can't believe that my dad went back to her.

Okay, that's a terrible way to start a sentence. Um...

Yeah, like a nuclear explosion.

- Okay. - Ah.

I'm gonna go meet up with Fiona and head down to L.A.

And welcome to my world.

No. Just hard to remember.

And you're controlling him, just like you tried

pulling tumbleweeds out of my desiccated vagina.

be the thing that ruins you.

I'm not your patient anymore.

Are you having a stroke?

and, uh... - Mm.

- Serena. - What are you doing here?

to make your sudden appearance seem normal?

- Huh?! - What is this?

What the hell is this?

You hung me out to dry.

Absolutely.

Alexi, we need to do a wardrobe check for tonight.

I mean, for all you know, George is the nut bag.

Okay, okay. Come on. Just put it straight to my nose.

This makes us look like idiots.

Well, what's interesting to me is how you met them.

Yeah. To go from Oliver Twist to Richie Rich.

I've always felt like an imposter?

You are a piece of shit.

Nothing I heard today makes me like you any less.

it's just something I thought you should know.

And who will be forced to leave this house of love?

- It's me? - Nice to meet you, man.

- Excuse me? - I was stoned when I talked to him.

I wanted to thank you for what you said earlier.

Rachel pushes Serena to make a choice which sends her down a path of uncertainty; Quinn pulls a dangerous stunt which forces Serena to save the day.

Jasper's family's country house in the Cotswolds.

for a young girl who's never had a real mother.

I'm sober. I'm taking parenting classes.

You said that your parents have been married, like, 40 years?

is Frontier Creek, Colorado.

Is this a guy with a conscience?

Like, that was not a setup, okay?

I mean, it's you that I want to go home with.

She loves dogs. She hates clowns.

Um, I understand your concern,

Let's get this party started!

But you're not my type.

Excuse me, but I am finding a mommy

He actually told me to marry you.

I mean, I-I might be...

It's actually an environmental disaster.

Are you just giving up now?

I was afraid that this was all gonna be too much, too soon.

- I don't know. - I don't know.

Hey, Jay!

And why is that?

Oh, so all that stuff you said about Owen being the perfect guy for me,

Excuse me.

Give it here! I'll do it myself. What's wrong with you?

I know they're getting dinner ready, and you don't want to...

Oh, nice pee close-up, Camera B.

Good. Everything's all right.

I did what you couldn't do.

- Okay? - I mean, yeah, of course.

and sex.

Did Fiona put you up to this?

I'm calling for my father.

Is the footage great? Yes.

Of course I'm interested, Serena.

We got to prep for the elimination ceremony.

But... I really don't think that she's ready to be a mom.

- would do for Riley? - A role model, yes, but...

because you've been stuck in this hellhole of a mansion.

All right, people, let's go! Let's go! Action already!

and I hope we can continue our conversation

But I didn't come on this show just to have fun.

I don't care if you still have drama going on with her.

♪ G-G-Glimmering dreams, f-f-flickering sleep ♪

Under Dr. Simon's watchful eye, Rachel tries to help her father come off his medication; Jay delivers difficult news regarding his new show; Quinn and Chet decide to handle two of the contestants.

She just wants to "talk"?!

Sure, Serena's the Feminist Suitress...

No withdrawal symptoms yet? Dizziness, agitation, tremors?

Dad?!

Excuse me.

Whoo!

Can't even take a shower in privacy?

This is just some long-overdue father-daughter bonding time, you know?

I never saw it coming.

"Dance for Passport," no?

Right?

I have to work.

And to be honest, I'm not getting any traction with her.

Oh, Lord.

You know what? I think my, uh... I think my mouth just decided.

Full cash offer?

Are you sleeping with him, too? I-Is that why you're doing this?

This'll do.

Well, I agree.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Well, I mean, you're talking about fancy little pancakes

Well, then, put me to work, Chef.

- when I should be with my dad. - Oh, relax, Rachel.

Yeah? So, why didn't you tell me about Jasper?

- How did you know? - I did my due diligence.

and then another couple hundred to Girls Who Code.

What? What?

Especially with a boss as demanding as Quinn.

What the hell did you guys do? We're not gay!

Oh, the eyeballs we'd get.

It was a real breakdown. And I-I'm just saying, having you here

Dad?

All you people with your... your cameras and your walkie talkies,

What that man did to you was in my house.

you'll somehow fix yourself,

is, oh, our Northern Star, Serena!

And I found a different kind of love.

but I think you should go find the...

I make TV, Warren. Life's not my problem.

No, it's fine. Have a good night.

Yes, you will.

Quinn and Jay's new show pitch to Gary doesn't go as planned, driving a fuming Quinn to pull the ultimate power play. Rachel confronts her father about her past and rescues him from her mother's control. Serena finds out about a contestant's secret while Jay's arrangement with Alexi becomes even riskier than before.

I deal in facts, and fact... she's way worse

Rachel will be fine.

- Excuse me? - I'm just saying,

Rachel! In my office. Now.

in our famous Date Cabin.

Sure, have a seat.

You told them we were here, correct?

You okay, Jasper?

It's been in the family since, like, the 1700s, I think.

That's the show.

his associate Lenny will absolutely hear your pitch

Unbelievable.

Stop working!

So, uh, we are shut down due to some technical difficulties.

- for things like that. - Oh, my God! Cut the crap.

You need a battery? Lens?

What does that mean?

- You're home. - Yeah. I am.

is going to protect you through all of this?

Uh, handful of the guys, some producers.

then it wasn't my place to make that call.

I wouldn't trust a word that came out of your mouth.

I found myself on the top of a bridge, looking down.

The woman is a monster.

- Please. - She's my child.

I warned you, Quinn.

What the hell do you two idiots know about forensic accounting?

but I'd like to have four shows in active development

What you just did with Gary.

I know.

- Pleased to meet you, sir. - Nice to meet you, too.

Hey, Pop, I'll be right back.

but you need to know the thing with the ranger...

Gentlemen, what a harrowing day in the wilderness,

- This girl is a pain in my ass. - I'm too overwhelmed

- Cheers! - Cheers.

Ah, no. Too soon.

- here on his own in a grip truck. - Okay, listen.

That's because I'm running the show.

That eight ball was supposed to last you a week!

A reporter looking to expose Everlasting's secrets leaves Rachel with no other choice but to come clean to Serena. After Quinn approves Jay's idea for a new show, he must make a potentially dangerous deal with one of the contestants. Rachel revisits a trauma from her dark past and uncovers distressing news.

- I have to go. - No, it's an absolute joke, mate.

What's going on?

some of the important issues we're gonna be tackling

is like DEFCON-level dangerous.

He could work.

Now what? Yes?

Oh, what, now I'm getting shrinked?

Uh, which is, uh...

Rachel, nice job.

I think this could be a really great opportunity for you...

Dude...

Looking for a big story

but all you've done is sucked off my fiancé

uh, isn't uh, just about who attacked August but why.

Ahh!

You just need to figure out a way to make some noise.

What are you, a coward?

like, way before any of this, Rach.

- You know... You know I did it. - Sit down, man.

You're Alexi Petrov.

That Billy, he's, like, a bit of a wackadoo.

The other button is for the bubbles.

but I really need to get back to being honest.

Uh, no. Sure.

No, I'm a lot more in control than you think.

I am so sorry, Serena. You deserve the truth.

when he slept with me. Why not give him a chance?

even following your example of sleeping your way to the top.

And worked like a charm.

or doing a deep out with Dr. Simon.

Because why settle for a hair cut

Good girl.

Okay, he's saying he did it which he did not.

because I was nice to her?

I think this is fun.

That's fair.

You know, actually, I think this is a lot better.

A patriarchal group date infuriates Serena, who refuses to heed Chet's advice on how women should act; Rachel opens up about her past to Dr. Simon; one of the contestants reveals the real reason why he came on the show

You made it very clear

Look at yourself. You're having a blast.

- Oh my God. - It's like "Game of Thrones"

that he has been holding to my throat for the past three weeks.

Take a journey with me, won't you?

- No. Quinn, that's not... - Who are we supposed to sell that to?

Let's do this.

"Rescuing the princess?"

In my experience it can be an excuse

and I'm really sorry it happened,

- Put cameras on me I'll say it! - That's enough.

Those asses are incredible!

Xavier is lucky guy.

And how is this supposed to help me find true love?

What the hell are you doing?

Now. Can someone help me make this godforsaken show?

You know what? Why don't you just go home.

What, like... as a slutty nurse or something?

I know that August is going to admire it, too.

I guess they were trying to soften my edges a little bit.

Well, yeah, but... I have a show under my belt.

You know what people who make a lot of money care about?

Well, I'm... I'm pretty woo-woo.

You see something you want...

Wow. That's a new one.

It starts with a few little B-roll interviews.

You know, there are people here who can take over for her.

Why aren't you happy for me?

Not great.

$400,000 if he's the first one to sleep with her?

Symposium? No, Rachel was right.

You know that. Don't blow it.

He's a bartender, Madison. Okay? He can find another job.

And I have to do something.

That cannot be true.

That's on me.

It's not a fairy tale.

Oh, oh, oh! What's going to happen?

Then, things got confusing for both of us, I think.

No, dude, seriously?

Hey, Jay! Come on! Come pitch me!

Rachel just makes me a little nuts.

I mean, now, more than ever, when the world is so fractured,

Yeah.

you might be interested in seeing.

After a poker game with the contestants leaves Serena the sore winner, Chet decides to teach her how to be the woman that all men want to marry; Quinn makes a connection with one of the contestants after meeting Chet's new swimsuit model girlfriend.

Hey, why are you ignoring me?

That's impressive.

- would be irresponsible. - I get it.

Well, then you need to get her hooked up to a tequila I.V., all right?

Good luck.

Do you think he really is the, uh... the genius that they say he is?

I saw your bluff coming down the road!

I think you're going to enjoy losing quite a lot.

- She's such a dumbass. - I know.

You want her to just, like, go on a date

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I should talk to a guy.

Let's see how the dice fall, shall we?

- Let me get 100 on Big Eight. - Oh, on Big Eight.

I-It's just so important that Chet finally

But Chet isn't most people.

She... You know, she's just getting her groove on,

Uh, Crystal's gonna turn 24 in June.

Crystal makes me feel safe enough

Fast and dangerous, that's so cool.

That's just gonna make her feel uncomfortable.

but it doesn't mean that you have dumb yourself down.

one of the six or nine other people

when you get here is my office bar.

But if one of these guys falls for this version of her,

But, uh, why don't you go to Barneys, get yourself one.

- ♪ I've fallen in love ♪ - Thank God.

Not a man.

♪ And I realized the whole damn ♪ ♪ time I been missing out ♪

Number-one rule on this show, you never solve a problem.

♪ Tell me if you wanna ♪ ♪ roll with the rest of us ♪

But, I mean, come on, face it,

because you're afraid you're never gonna get it.

For this.

Uh, obviously it's...

And I hope to see more of that

Will you accept this tire Gauge?

Ken and Aaron, I want to thank you guys for a great day.

It was a gift. Oh.

And if we're careful,

Quinn brings Rachel back from self-imposed "exile" in a desperate attempt to keep "Everlasting" afloat following the PR nightmare of the previous season; Silicon Valley mogul Serena becomes the new season's female "suitress."

I need you.

This is the truth of the world out there.

Chet can live his life like a walking bozo parade...

Great. Thanks, Gary.

Okay, all right, yeah.

You're too dumb to know how pathetic it is

Five minutes, Graham. Five minutes.

It's not a cult. It's a farm.

- You're such a catch. We're so lucky. - God, really?

Yep.

And I've been through anger-management classes,

This isn't even hygienic.

Okay.

Let's, uh, start with car number one.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did... Did Jasper just neg her?

at the Balanchine Tribute.

Oh! Look at that guy.

We got to rip that stick out from her ass.

Usually. That sounds like a story.

we got to get you in there. You want to just come with me?

That's so many. It's so nice to meet you.

so I am just asking you, okay, as a favor to me,

Oh, hi, Tommy.

- Hey. - Hi.

I'm not embarrassed. I'm trying to be professional.

This is unbelievable.

Is that why you're doing this?

- Yes. - Hi.

This place is all a bit much for me, too.

Okay. What the hell are you doing out here?

How could she do that?

Yes, or I make myself an enormous joke.

So, uh...

Okay. Looks like you got enough there,

- on that empty stomach? - No.

- Warren. - The cowboy.

Well, I got to hand to him. He does have swagger.

No, I cut Norman because he's never gonna be my husband.

Isn't your work here done?

Hey.