W/ Bob & David

Bob and David contend with a faulty time machine. The guys make ambitious New Year's resolutions. A movie sheds light on slavery.

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Well, David, you look really fake-old.

#2

without aging the exact amount of time we traveled.

#3

And you can travel through time in nanoseconds!

#4 #5

Geez! Your toilet smells like a time machine!

#6

I actually put my house on the market.

#7 #8

- All right! - Good for you, pal!

#9

You know, I just, um... just saw my doctor...

#10

No more red meat for me. End of story.

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because, um... not eatin' red meat anymore.

#12

[scoffs]

#13

- I wasn't being sarcastic, I was just... - Oh, come on!

#14

Yeah. And I got three responses to that one.

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and then I'm gonna be a famous no-nonsense TV judge. Whoo!

#16

Oh, my God! Mike, we didn't support your no-meat thing

#17

- Whoo! - Oh, yeah!

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and was beloved for doing most of his poping from home.

#19

[announcer reading]

#20

Worship the true Son of God without breaking any Hebrew law.

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with this limited edition Turkey New Testament.

#22

Tonight, the defendant, Chazz Maloney, a world-ranked UFC fighter.

#23

Tonight, Judge George "No Nonsense" Jackson is on vacation.

#24

All right, what do we have here tonight?

#25

And he pinned me!

#26

All right, but it was the only space like that.

#27

Honest to Pete! I mean, how can anyone be asked to know

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Fighting shorts are my underwear!

#29

I asked him if they sold popcorn inside. He said yes.

#30

Okay, I said I was sorry.

#31

you're right.

#32

You just stand up, sir, and walk away.

#33

Now, that's what I call a real nightcap!

#34

Yee-haw!

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[reading]

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takes on the most disgraceful chapter in American history,

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- It starts with the letter "S". - Slavery!

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and those kids are gonna walk out of there feeling good about themselves,

#39 #40

You hear me? Dignity, all around!

#41

Okay, would you say that this is a new take on an old story?

#42 #43

Mr. Dilton is my father.

#44

doing twice the work of the other helper.

#45

Then you don't know nothing about nothing, they talked to nobody no how, is that it?

#46

I can't read so good.

#47 #48

Okay, well, that's racist. As a white man, I find that insulting,

#49