Aired 7 years ago - May 16, 2017
Having finally graduated college, Axl tells Frankie and Mike that he's planning on going to Europe over the summer with Kenny. Although Frankie thinks this is a great once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Mike is less than pleased and thinks his slacker
son should be putting all of his summer efforts into finding a job. Meanwhile, Sue begins to panic after she barely scrapes a parked SUV and doesn't hear back from the owner after leaving several notes on the windshield, and Brick discovers that his sudden onset of backaches is due to not sitting in his lawn chair, which was replaced by a normal kitchen-table chair.
MORE
-LESS
Don't be a person. Don't be a squirrel.
Made you sit in?
Coccyx.
I backed up and I brushed into a car
Possible, entirely possible.
Yeah, well, I left a note, just in case.
You almost lost me today. Ugh!
and you know how Kenny
doesn't like to talk,
We're just gonna buy a train ticket
Dad, this is a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
all that European stuff,
the day after I finished college?
Yeah, I-I-I-I'm just, you know,
No, I still want him to get a job,
and we had this two-week window
where we just watched TV?
You're a straight arrow.
We're swashbucklers.
Eh, well, the sooner he finds that out,
Boo, Europe.
So what'd you do with the bras?
No one called my cell, either.
What is wrong with you?
Of course I'm going! It's Europe!
those are my two dreams.
Who's paying for your other expenses?
"Underpants" popped into my head again.
but I'm doing the real thing.
You're just jealous
'cause you don't get to go.
I've got long hair
that hangs over my eyes.
I left a note several days ago.
I'll come visit.
You want this Pillow Pet?
Oh, my gosh!
Respect the piles.
No, I thought about what Dad was saying,
You have the rest
of your life to sell tie clips,
Wait, is that stuff clean or dirty?
Okay, this is written
as a fictional conversation
And the caves... nobody wanted
to do that, and all these years,
so I'm fine smuggling in crappy snacks.
You can talk now.
And that's it.
Oh.
Their phone numbers are all weird.
Oh, my gosh, I'm so happy you're alive.
Aired 7 years ago - May 09, 2017
Frankie, Mike and Brick notice that luck is on their side after the Prairie Scouts inadvertently paint the Donahue's address on their curb; after Axl misses his final college exam before graduation, he asks his teacher to let him take it.
If I had to label it,
Things are kind of sucky.
Whoo-hoo!
We're getting all the channels.
Wow.
The universe is confusing us
with the Donahues.
I'll prove it to you.
Axl was ready for his final final
Uh, there's supposed to be
a final in here in 15 minutes.
I'm starving.
It's another one
of those stupid teenage pranks.
I'm in your America
and the Cold War class?
with the International Space Station,
All of you millennials
coming into my office
I've never said this before
in my life...
The students who were prepared
showed up at that time.
You're not gonna believe this.
to give your thoughts and reflections
Exactly.
I'm only in here for a minute.
We just got something from the IRS.
I got nothing but time!
I am a sophomore at East Indiana State
You know, you walk into
the lunchroom with your tray,
it gets a lot easier in college.
But, you know, it doesn't matter
2,000 followers?
I mean, people did laugh at us,
No offense, but nobody
really walks down West Hall
I guess I'll have a hot dog.
you've been postponed to a later date.
Oh, really? Says the guy who believes
Then, if you don't believe
and nuke me some food?
Got to let me take that test.
The North Atlantic Treaty
was signed April 4, 1949,
Let him take the test!"
You don't think...
Sorry.
Brad, I found out something shocking.
Well, maybe that was true
in high school,
Aired 7 years ago - May 02, 2017
Frankie searches the house for Axl's graduation gift that she purchased months before and hid; Sue wants to make a sweet video for Mike's birthday; Cindy embarrasses Brick when she chases away a boy who was bullying him.
Good talk.
Do I need to step in and talk
some sense into this guy?
Just tell me
it wasn't in front of people
I'm thinking I might need to get
♪
I don't read all your e-mails, Sue.
Oh, Sue, he's gonna hate that.
Now, I need you
to read over these questions.
But our first exercise...
Oh, no.
[Grunts]
I remember the time
Dad took me to play tennis.
And... action.
It was funny 'cause
I was probably 9 at the time,
Here's something that's not a secret.
I was at the doughnut shop,
Oh, yeah, get it?
Oh, well, at least I got him
a cute card a while ago.
You can speak.
Okay.
I love it.
[Sighs] Okay.
And this is a celebration
of Michael Heck.
Let's find out, shall we?
is his hair looks the same wet or dry.
he gets tense, and this vein...
If Mike were a flavor of ice cream,
to share my favorite, uh, "Mike moment."
I have so many Mike moments,
it's hard to pick.
Uh, there's, like, 15 more minutes left.
♪
Now I got to get a new barber,
which is what you should have
been doing for her.
but after having a little time
to think it over...
How are those workouts coming?
My goal is 15.
Right now you're like a lump of clay,
Decli... wha...?
I'll be back in shape like that.
It's all right. I'm not hungry.
♪
You think it was all those
Froot Loop sandwiches?
Look, I'm about to graduate.
You're still in the upswing.
This is gonna be so hard.
I hope it's okay
I'm driving you back to school.
Aired 7 years ago - Apr 18, 2017
After Axl discovers that he doesn't have a decent suit to wear for business interviews, he is excited when Frankie agrees to take him shopping to help him find a suit; Mike threatens to get rid of the summer pool if Sue and Brick don't use it.
I'm just saying you have a tendency
and keep your head up.
God, the curtains broke
in the Winnebago,
I'll end up working at Mom Co. forever.
You know, I should
wear that again. It's cute.
No.
to make the mattresses, and... Ow!
Oh.
I busted my butt on that pool.
Look, all I know is, last time
anybody's been in that pool
totally unearned confidence.
I'm a winner.
'Cause I don't want to go in the pool.
- Whoa!
- Okay, okay!
How long were you in there?
That's funny, 'cause I didn't
put any quarters at the bottom.
Oh, I'm sorry about
the whole jacket fiasco,
I'm gonna buy you a suit.
All right.
- We're covered for today.
- Mnh-mnh!
you think they're gonna keep all that?
But this is how it starts...
and my room becomes Mom's TV room,
They can't wait to get rid of us.
Nothing.
It's so hard to get a job nowadays.
Okay, but do you love it?
That's it! I'm not buying you
something I've never seen on you.
- Brick, can I get out now?
- Nope.
they are gonna be all over you.
Well, she's nice. That's great.
so... gonna take this one slow.
maybe you should check the pocket...
If I'm not wearing socks,
I put it in my shoe,
You're gonna be getting a paycheck.
and I'll pay you next mth.
- Ma'am.
- Ooh! Hah!
so... I think we're there.
so, I don't know,
I've just been saving up.
Uh...
and I'm just starting to think
it might not happen for me.
But in the beginning,
I was so overwhelmed.
Aired 7 years ago - Apr 11, 2017
After being reminded that Brick was never confirmed, Frankie and Mike send him to Reverend TimTom's Wilderness Jesus Jam weekend camp to brush up on his religious knowledge in preparation for the blessed event. But Brick is shocked to discover that
his bunkmate is no other than Blake Ferguson - the boy he was switched at birth with and raised by his parents for the first month of his life.
MORE
-LESS
which means I've got the enclosed spaces
♪ "Don't put your God to the test" ♪
Okay, we're back from our bathroom break
All websites to be approved
by yours truly.
Uh, I'll take "Diseases
of the Bible" for $600.
go on the Footprints in the Mud
nature hike,
not even the person
they're trying to cheer up.
We're re-enacting the "Friends" opening.
and no more re-enacting
the opening sequence
- Let's go. Come on.
- No, no, no. No, no, no, guys.
No, it says "BF"... Blake Ferguson.
and you spent the first month
of your life with my family.
You were born October 15, 2001,
Uh, it was a month
before anyone figured it out.
There he is! - Hey!
Oh...
I'm surprised I haven't seen you
around the business library.
so he's still out there...
that your mom was supposed to get.
I would have explained this to you.
Well, shame on me for expecting a mother
But as long as the cat's out of the bag,
I know most parents don't
celebrate one-month birthdays.
in the box that we lost in the flood?
Yeah, we'd love to know.
"November 12, 2001.
Wow. So much of who I am
is finally making sense to me.
I don't remember Blake
liking my lucky Colts towel
from the university,
I don't even like Chester.
I didn't think you
were the jealous type.
Lexie, could I see you
in the bathroom for a...
to do something that I would never do,
I never thought I could love
anyone more than myself.
Hey, Axl, I was just...
I think the last time
we were in my Winnebago,
I-I should have said something
the last time I was herebut, no.
Where did Chester go?
That's it. I can't take it anymore.
Okay, wait, I knew that Lexie
liked Axl, but I didn't know...
Aired 7 years ago - Apr 04, 2017
Mike's friendship with Bill Norwood is in jeopardy after Bill gets angry when Mike poaches his plumber at a reduced rate; Frankie is disappointed when Sue refuses to tell her who she has a crush on; Brick wants Axl to party with him at college.
No. He was already here.
Yeah. I make a big deal
out of small things. Yeah."
So, tell me about school.
What's the haps?
Sue? That's a pretty name.
Well, not water, really. Pop.
But that's got water in it.
Oh, I don't know. There's
mayonnaise on our sandwiches.
I-I don't mean that
in a "Happy Days" way.
It's like when Tarzan
got to meet fancy people
It's... not our relationship.
I think we're in a fight...
only, it's kind of a girly one.
Sue, come here!
And if I'm not waving,
I'm sure not dancing.
What's his name? Where's he from?
Aah! Aah! Aah! Mom! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Gui? Ooh! Is he French?
I know you can understand that. Hmm?
to be confused with a zoo animal
I actually think we can
liven things up a little here.
- God, no!
- Are you kidding me?
and you gave an evil smile
while you were doing it.
They're all we've got.
And we do nothing for them.
You're making her problem your problem.
I need to sleep.
Come on! I'm up for anything!
Axl, this is my last chance
You're on me for "par-tay,"
but "barty" is okay?
and then if I'm not there,
she'll call the police.
Now, what was her password?
What's the name of that Indian one?
I'm just gonna lay my face down
Oh, hey! Look at this.
She's just a friend.
I don't think she likes me.
Well, if you're not ready,
you're not ready.
The contrast
between the black and white,
because I like my women
like I like my bookmarks...
What are you waiting for?!
I'm gonna go get me a bookmark...
I got you a new phone.
Aired 7 years ago - Mar 14, 2017
Axl is startled to run into nearly all of his former flames at a St. Patrick's Day party leaving him to wonder if it is a sign about his love life; Brick buys an old microfiche machine at a library sale, leaving Frankie and Mike less than thrilled.
Uh-huh.
Ooh.
We just started dating,
and the ball is such a big deal.
Why would he do that?
Yeah. Thank God for that.
Cassidy was there, Devin was there
The universe is clearly
trying to tell you something.
Unless you got a better idea.
And just to be clear, this is mine,
and now you wanna get drinks?
it seemed like we were
pretty good together.
but you didn't text or anything.
Hindsight's 20/20, right?
Local man on couch
wants peace and quiet.
to get over the pain of losing
that dog is dead.
Well, college is a time to experiment.
Why couldn't we make it work?
but I stopped halfway
and turned around and came home.
sent a pretty strong-ish message.
wanting to go to the Chancellor's Ball.
-Springalicious?
-Springalicious.
Oh, Sean.
That was dumb.
Do you have to go already?
Why don't you stay a while.
Have fun at the ball, Suzy Q.
You deserve it.
It's the one that's shaped
like a boot, right?
And I brought you a drink.
or merman -- who'd be perfect for you?
You're not very clear
with your signals, Axl.
Anything you'd like to, uh, tell me?
More interesting
than the hat in the tree?
Just a harmless high school prank.
Oh, you kidding me?
was at some band concert,
me and a bunch of guys
Mike!
to tell me he liked my hair
after I cut it.
One time at our block party --
So I think if you like this Sean,
and he's going back to Notre Dame.
about high schoolers pulling pranks?
People would go up to a shelf
expecting books on botany,
But they just weren't into it.
but I didn't eat anything at noon,
But I'm 22, and I just don't feel
So, then, did you ever love me?
Aired 7 years ago - Mar 07, 2017
Lexie joins the Hecks for their spring break plans where she confesses to Sue that she has a crush on Axl; Mike hires Coach Babbitt as a ringer to help the quarry softball team; Frankie tries to figure out the root of an underhanded comment.
You know, historically, looking stupid
It's so cute.
They got married, then divorced,
now they're dating.
Did you just start feeling this way?
But who knows?
Maybe they would be delicious.
for you to end up here, but I am sorry.
Uh... yeah.
and tell me I've impacted their lives.
Tink, 59 cents!
And now that I don't work here anymore,
No, it's got to be something
that Nancy would know about.
in charge of paper-towel acquisition
Hey.
And before you knew it,
Orson Limestone was up six runs
what's a fun thing to do
on spring break in Orson?
in the trophy case
down at the high school.
So, why are you acting so weird?
Ugh, school. Let it ring.
Oh, I am so proud!
Oh, sorry. I'm just a little stuffed up.
I didn't think it was that big a deal.
But, Brick, this is a big deal.
and she's really excited about it.
And I really want to see that,
Unfortunately, for those four games,
My back is feeling great now.
No kidding.
Sorry, Heck, but John's playing
out of his mind.
Thank you again
for letting me stay here.
He said Spring Break '17 will go
down as the most pathetic in history
and they're gonna fix the brakes
on my Subaru.
Hey, you look better.
A lot of green beer going down,
Hey, everybody, my mom and dad are here.
Axl, I am trying to study here.
When you're a freshman and
sophomore, you think it's fun.
Make me some din din!
Aired 7 years ago - Feb 21, 2017
Frankie tries to convince Mike to visit Dr. Goodwin and get his toothache taken care of; Mike tries to convince Frankie that the tooth should be left alone; Axl, Hutch and Kenny decide to sell the famous Winnebago.
Mm-hmm. Well, uh, what do you have then?
to get him to a dentist
in years, so I am sorry,
I just don't like the idea
of someone poking around
There's a lot of road to travel
between me and that destination,
Lexie, we're gonna need more milk.
You know, Tyler, the safety-cart guy
we get to where we're going,
and I have to get out.
Oh. Oh, I don't know, Mike.
Uh! This feels so wrong!
featuring a fridge
and bonus second-story access.
And I urge all of you to stay together.
you took care of it, and we're done.
Just act casual.
Oh, w... Thursday? No.
What? Why'd you do that?
I mean, a guy who doesn't
put his own kids first?
Wow. You must be really
in a lot of pain.
and I held my breath
for as long as I could,
- Yeah, me neither.
- Oh, really?
No, I don't mind.
There's beautiful moon tonight.
but you make fun of
and are about tall people.
Uh, yeah. No.
I-I-I just breathed something in
that I shouldn't have, okay?
I'll pick you up tomorrow at 8:00?
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
looking to live in a rocking 'Bago.
Oh. Hi. Hi!
Well, anyway, I will hop on...
and I wouldn't have had time
to do a mesial distal occlusal
That's why I'm not wearing one now.
because the miscreants
might still be out there.
We had so much fun.
I read all his signals wrong.
I cannot process your request.
- Fa-resh.
- Oh, well.
Ah, you're just too cutting edge
for people around here.
Hey, why didn't you tell me
I'm babbling.
Didn't the alarm go off?
I'm gonna talk to him about that.
You don't forget Kenny's first laugh.
Aired 7 years ago - Feb 14, 2017
Frankie and Mike frantically attempt to shut off the water and save some treasured items when the pipes burst in the basement. But after freaking out and bickering amongst each other, Axl, Sue and Brick call a family intervention meeting to let
their parents know that their constant fighting and bickering is negatively affecting them. But while the kids feel like they can benefit from their parents’ newfound realization, Frankie and Mike start to think that the kids’ lack of support makes them the ones who should be sorry,
MORE
-LESS
everybody's schedule,
I'm doing all the cooking...
His homework's in a cloud.
There's good.
- Your dad and I were just...
- Save it.
What's going on?
You two... the fighting, the bickering,
and Dad shook a mop
in front of Mom's face.
Um, Brick is a plant,
and the terrarium of your anger
Is that everything, Brick?
I'm sorry, but our kids just
gave us an intervention.
he didn't have to go
tattle on us to those two.
You know, most of your
serial killers have that.
We've been married for over 20 years.
Aw!
So your Dad and I have something to say.
And know that our door is always open.
and they have the chicken,
so you have to pay them,
if we had rich parents.
We could be one sweat sock
Carly went there once,
and she brought me back
gave Ernest Hemingway
a white six-toed cat,
We weren't fighting. What's up?
you can just go to the freezer and take?
and instead of
a million-dollar settlement,
All right, I'm just gonna go up
Poor Brick?
Remember last week, you got mad at me
And where do they get off
coming into our house
And I'll tell you something else...
This is amazing.
- Yes!
- Yes!
Stop right there. Do not give
them human qualities.
we went right back to our yell-y selves.
he wouldn't even ask me to
move... he'd just sit on me.
It didn't.
How are you gonna do that?
Said the other day if he had to
stay here, he'd die.
Well, look who decided to go out
and get themselves a snack.
I say I'm sorry all the time.
I apologized to you five hours ago.
I said, "Catch."
Well, we're getting away from the point.
at the burger place plotting about
But you're right,
I should have been more mature,
Hey, listen, thanks for the help.
Aired 7 years ago - Feb 07, 2017
Frankie becomes sad when her doctor informs her that her ovaries are shriveled up, which means her days of having kids are over. In an attempt to cheer her up, Mike offers to have him and Frankie babysit the neighbor's baby overnight, which puts
some perspective on being an older parent. Meanwhile, Sue and Axl are a bit shocked when romantic sparks fly between Sean Donahue and Sue's roommate Lexie; and Brick tries his best to hone up on his font knowledge when he meets Gibson, a worthy font opponent.
MORE
-LESS
I'm gonna use your steam shower.
You sound great.
Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie.
I feel like anything I say here
is gonna be wrong,
Hey, baby. I got you a baby.
but her mom had some fake dizzy spell,
[High-pitched] got you a baby!
I spent my entire 30s
and even in identical twins
from a guy's perspective.
Oh, sorry. Uh... Lexie,
this is Sean Donahue.
You know, uh, Axl and I were
gonna go grab some food later.
[Inhales sharply] Look at the keys!
Brick, you're on your own
for dinner tonight.
see what the kids are using these days.
You're such a playa.
I would've come down
a lot sooner. [Chuckles]
in their purest form...
on the written page.
[Bird screeches]
Gibson.
There's not room enough
in Font Club for the both of us.
Well, while you're
interviewing for schools,
So, Sean? Are you guys like...?
Look at this.
My breadstick is a moustache.
and now it's half-plastic.
[Sighs]
'cause she was so obvious.
That's great. They're both great.
- I weirdly do.
- Yeah.
♪ Indiana, our Indiana,
Indiana, we're all for you ♪
I thought you hate to chat.
So, how was it?
And I don't know if that's
what I want right now.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
I started thinking, "What am I doing?
Um... I think we might be out.
to get the kids to stop crying
when they were babies?
Aww!
Ohh. [Inhales sharply]
We just got that one to stop crying.
That moment should be
marked in some way.
They deserve more respect.
some sort of send-off
for all their years of service.
Aired 7 years ago - Jan 17, 2017
Axl begins to panic when he realizes that he only has four months of college left before he graduates, and he hasn't sent out any job resumes - something he should have started when he was a junior. Meanwhile, Brad agrees to lead Sue's no-cut a
cappella group as they enter a music competition, and Brick desperately asks for Frankie and Mike's advice when girlfriend Cindy tells him that he reads too much, and if he doesn't stop, she'll break up with him.
MORE
-LESS
You got to lay a lot of groundwork
and do what she wants?
Not Northern Yukon...
The one in New York City.
What about costumes?
To go from nothing to president
of no-cut a cappella...
by your junior year, you are screwed.
- I'm not.
- Thank you.
Remember? I told you...
and you said, and I quote,
"Nah, it's cold."
Kenny, are you hiring?
You said you wanted to
spend more time with me,
Um, Dad, you know that
Mr. Norwood job you mentioned?
They were terrible.
or caroling at the gate
of the outdoor pool,
- What?
- Cuts.
We have to stay no-cut.
Apparently, common sense
has ruled up until now.
She's stressing the wrong words!
I'm just doing it for you,
because you won't give up books.
I'm not really into books.
Aren't you getting
a little ahead of yourself?
Hey, Axl! How's it going?
Yeah, well, uh, it's never
too early to start looking.
What?
But we're good, too!
I can't be with someone who
doesn't love "Planet Nowhere."
Little Betty? Meet Big Axl.
Ohh... Oh, my stomach
is so twisted around.
Anyhoo, I wanted to stop by
and tell you in person...
And, hey, thank you
for letting me know in person.
I didn't get it, Mommy!
and now I'm graduating in May,
and I've got nothing...
Here's the thing, Axl.
You haven't been around a lot.
'cause I'm not going anywhere.
no résumés anywhere, no leads,
no job possibilities?
You always find a way to
make things work out for you.
Trust me, life is gonna
kick you around a lot,
I had an interview for this job
and I did a bunch of donuts
in the parking lot.
and this time, I made sure to
pull out of that parking lot
Okay. We're up.
Aired 7 years ago - Jan 10, 2017
Frankie wins a free maid service for a month and is excited for the break, but the Heck household might pose a bigger challenge than she expected. Mike and Rusty's dad, Big Mike, begins to have trouble taking care of himself.
You counting my vacuum cleaners now?
Clearly, you can't drive.
How you getting to the grocery?
It was all my "Downton Abbey"
dreams come true.
Esther.
She should be retired.
Whatever it is...
I know how hard it'd be
for your dad to move!
I got this, Esther.
Two of your flannel shirts tied together
Well, I'm your driver... Juan.
Now, listen. I got something
that'll solve this whole deal.
Really? You don't see any other option?
Clearly, we're at an impasse.
You're just like Mr. Negative.
Now we're right back
to where we started.
Yeah, I know. It was like that
when we moved in.
Yeah, I know.
but if they catch you here,
they'll throw us out.
but this guy takes the cake.
when Lexie's undressing me
with her eyes over here.
I am undressing you.
'cause you think you can fix me
where other women couldn't.
I told you guys you were being too loud.
not-from-the-cousin-box jeans.
and it was balled up in Sue's drawer.
for some jerky R.A. named Dan.
I told you we were gonna get thrown out,
Babe, it might
be a little icy in here,
What? No! It's not that.
the time I stole the lawnmower
and drove to the Dairy Queen,
Meebles Department Store
is going out of business.
And you couldn't walk
out of here if you wanted to.
What are you talking about?
I... do... not... like... you.
What? Why?
I don't get it...
We've been living like this
where all the spoons are stacked
up like little spoon soldiers.
If I give up, then this is who I am.
I ran into Rusty
when he was over at your house.
We fought like cats and dogs
toward the end,
Aired 7 years ago - Jan 03, 2017
The Hecks find themselves spending New Year's Day attempting to stave off a zombie apocalypse in the Orson Escape Room, desperately trying to beat the Donahue's record of getting out with more than one minute, eight seconds to spare. Meanwhile,
Brick is convinced that the mild-mannered man assigned to the family's Escape Room group is really the famous author of the "Planet Nowhere" books; Sue divulges a secret about herself to Axl that's she's been keeping since childhood; and Mike is stunned when Frankie reveals that she had a romantic dream involving Frank Sinatra.
MORE
-LESS
We just like to help
the elderly when we can.
we still hold the record
for the fastest time.
What was that? That was rude!
Yeah. You said we're dumb,
and she pig-piled on it.
- Yeah.
- She thinks she's hot stuff,
Ready? On the count of three.
One, two, three.
in the Escape Orson experience?
But we've got a secret weapon...
our daughter, Sue, here.
I'm just here for a little
excitement on my lunch hour.
I strongly suggest you use the restroom.
to be doing the Orson Escape
Room on New Year's Day.
Okay, everyone spread out
and look for clues.
Pretend you saw
insert-famous-sports-guy here.
Okay, I have tried every side
of the maze,
Looks like medical files or something.
Yeah, well, not the old one,
and not the scrawny young one...
"brain" on the wall over there?
is that short for anything,
like "David"?
Well, we need a plan.
W-W-W-Wait... So, if you hold
the magnifying glass
- Another room.
- [Groans]
It was nothing...
just kissing, teenage stuff.
We were someplace nice.
We were on a bearskin rug.
The four planets of the Kalakwa Galaxy
Brick, where did you get
that pen and paper?
if she's not there?
I'm just getting turned around.
I'm all turned around.
No, every time, all the time.
Okay, look...
It all started when I was three
Who knew Little Miss Perfect
You were the football star.
Brick is the reader.
Thank you so much
for not saying anything.
You don't think I should be
disturbed by that?
Not me. Dreaming is just showing
off while you're asleep.
and said it was time to go on,
and Frank said,
I get it that sometimes
you might need an escape.
"As his eyes fluttered open,
D-Do you have any notes or advise?
[Levers clacking]
if you don't let me work those levels!
Sue's our best shot at this.
Come on, Sue. Take us home.
Well, sorry, you got screwed.
I am moving forward
with confidence, with honor.
No! We're not entering 2017
through the fail door.
Rowdy: I'm meeting my cousin for dinner.
C-L-A-R-A.
Aired 8 years ago - Dec 13, 2016
As Christmas approaches, Sue keeps a holiday secret from the family. After agreeing to watch the neighbor’s three kids, Brick finds himself trying to hide from them as they had such a good time that they keep wanting to come over and play. Mike doesn’t know how to react when Bill Norwood gives him a Christmas gift for the first time ever,
I have to take the baby to the doctor.
- I'm not even allowed to have a hamster.
- Oh, it's fine.
- Why?
- I was at the mall,
thought you could use them.
Oh.
All right. Sergeant MacKenzie
won the battle,
Tell Mom the lava's hot
and we can't leave.
so I was feeling pretty sorry
for myself.
He's gonna have to find another
way to get to the Rose Parade.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
One might. From here
on out, fresh start.
'cause you wanted to put the townspeople
Said he was at the mall
thinking about me.
Didn't you invite him in?
Look, guys, I know I was on fire
the other day.
Don't need to know.
I'm settling the score,
once and for all.
There's a million things
you can buy for a woman.
There's a big secret, and eventually,
Said the married man.
The cocoa's ready!
- Brick!
- Brick!
and you just ran around, and I made it.
Like the time I bought the glue-on nails
Well, you've got to come around
and look at the whole thing.
are free to enjoy
the wonders of the season.
Let's go through your stuff!
Sure.
but it's only because
our relationship was so strained
Mom! The reindeer cookies
are ready for frosting!
Ooh, I like them.
This whole thing is pissing me off.
he might be a body wash go... Damn it!
- You don't have to...
- Let's not belabor it, okay?
Just when I thought Christmas
couldn't get any better,
Oh, and look at those reindeer!
I got new sunglasses.
They're cute until
they won't leave you alone.
Not in my mouth.
I've just got to to say,
with my family all together,
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- Stop her!
- I had to hear it from her!
Aired 8 years ago - Dec 06, 2016
Trashy neighbor Rita Glossner talks an apprehensive Frankie into taking a road trip to an unknown destination. Mike takes an embarrassing fall at the quarry and has to deal with even more embarrassment when OSHA is called in to investigate. Sue
attempts to convince Axl to end his estrangement with the family after learning their true feelings about April.
MORE
-LESS
I thought they'd grow up
and chip in, but no.
You know why I didn't?
'Cause I'm a good neighbor.
I'll tell you which way to go.
I said one.
What is this?
A place we sit around gossiping
'Course, you'll never be able
to top a fall like that again.
Get out of here.
and I twerked, so I understand
the dangers of alcohol.
Axl!
What about your ankle?
Please report
to the administrative trailer.
- He can do that?
- Mr. Heck, could you come here?
And do not... I repeat,
do not ever skip a step.
Very good.
Oh!
I didn't want to have to do this.
Thanksgiving sucked,
you're the one
who bites all the heads off.
Okay, to be fair, Axl,
Hold on a second.
They send us cupcakes
from a fancy bakery in a box
Hey, there's more important
things in life
and to the people who know where I am.
Well, she thinks she's all that,
But... But... But I hear you.
Maybe we weren't so different after all.
Oh, please. It happens all the time.
She sent a text
Oh, and I think you're supposed to have
Yes, fine. I fell at work.
I'm not embarrassed.
I couldn't even tell you.
You work in a quarry, right?
Oh, I think you're supposed to
preheat the oven to 375.
Okay, look, this is already
taking longer than I thought,
So, you probably get this a lot, but...
Here's another one...
aiding and abetting.
You know, some people scrapbook.
I think she took out a chunk of my hair.
That tickles.
Our families think they know
what's best for us,
And your family loves me.
I only closed my eyes for a second!
maybe I should've just
handed Rita my car keys
You told me not to touch the bag.
Those little papers are important.
So Mike realized
if Brick could get through
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 29, 2016
Frankie is upset that Axl refuses to answer her calls or texts after she unintentionally admits her true feelings about his girlfriend April. Brick forms a tick in the form of a phrase that causes him trouble; Brad surprises Sue.
I'm sorry. I don't get why
I'm the bad guy.
I mean, he's the one that
didn't show up at Thanksgiving.
Wow.
so we try not to get too attached.
And they don't say purse,
they say pocketbook!
I'm living in a bin
and my family's falling apart.
Sue, look at me.
Oh!
Yes, that's right, outraged!
Axl, I am truly sorry for
the things I said about April,
which you obviously don't appreciate.
things can sometimes get out of hand,
There's no talking in the Bin
after midnight.
You are not gonna live like this.
We may only be here temporarily,
Everybody, "Guy Who Farts
in His Sleep" is Scott.
"Indian Harry Styles" is right!
Yeah! We have rights.
Oh, I can't believe you have to leave.
Heh. Check it out. Potato snowman.
I'm gonna text him a picture of it.
but now I'm glad
you're completely useless.
Felt like a winner to me.
Do I not have a son anymore?
Yeah.
but anyway, she's pretty upset
about the whole thing and...
You can say anything you want about me,
Because to not make
an inappropriate comment
Just 'cause you and Mom are dead
behind the eyes doesn't mean I am.
to say she wasn't smart?
He's not talking to me anymore.
So, why did Mrs. Roberts
send you down here?
You know, Brick,
you're new to high school,
- Uh-huh.
- Mm, fine.
Sometimes I hear her crying
through the walls.
all stress has certain trigger points.
Anywho,
I mean... I mean, it's great
that you can stay,
"Why wouldn't I have
a fondue pot in my car?"
Everyone there is so dark and intense.
"I coulda been a contender!
I coulda been somebody!"
But it was different at NYU.
I just don't fit in at all.
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 22, 2016
Frankie decides that April is not good enough to be with Axl and does anything she can to keep her out of the annual family Christmas photo; Frankie must fight for Axl's attention when he announces that he will be spending Thanksgiving with April.
Like the ones in commercials
with special talents.
Cindy wants a Fitbit,
You have to go in at it from the side.
Big news. I'm...
I'm just saying. That's lucky.
Hi! I'm April!
- Okay.
- No, it's not okay, Mike.
We don't have a tornado plan.
Why don't we start with that?
Pfft! Totally!
Me too! Oh, my gosh!
"April, come on down!"
I miss you. You're so far away.
Oh. This is silly.
I should just take it.
This is not a dress rehearsal.
this place can afford to be giving away
There is a very specific script.
Man: Excuse me. Can I place my order?
Now we're gonna have to take it again.
We have to think of a reason
that she can't come
We were introducing
the new Feliz Navi-Spud
I...
Um... something Fool's Day.
Oh, so you're going to your parents'?
Oh. Man. Oh. I forgot to tell you.
Ooh! And I skimmed
some of the Donahues' yams,
[Laughs]
8:00?
I am fighting for scraps here.
I got no cards, no chips.
do you think I'm gonna have any say
That was 10 years ago.
just because the timing
doesn't work out for "Ap-ril."
I don't like her! There! I said it!
I mean, all I wanted
was a nice Thanksgiving.
What? Wait, no! That is not okay!
'cause it happened to Betty Horrigan,
[Chuckles]
Why won't you let me do my job?!
I am very disappointed in you two.
and take the holidays off,
I'd fire you both.
watching and worrying about you
all the time.
'cause... I got it.
You are a freaky little dude.
- dying in front of strangers.
- [Door opens]
He's very dramatic.
but you can always take
leftovers to your grandma.
'cause she obviously dropped
April on her head a few times.
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 15, 2016
Frankie and Mike's embarrassment over forgetting Brick's birthday turns to fear when they realize it's time to teach him to drive; Sue learns something surprising from Frankie.
Where are you guys?
Thought you were 12.
All right,
Mike, the dryer's
doing that thing again!
It's just I'm worried about her, Mike.
Remember the time that Doris got her
head stuck in the recycling bin?
There's only four fun jobs
in the world anyway.
Oh, and, uh, just keep going straight.
Oh, now you see it.
I can't go on like this.
Unfortunately, Axl wasn't even close.
- Wow.
- Weird.
Just last week, I saw a guy
with a dirty backpack
I don't know. Cow tipping?
Operation Protect Our Orson
is well under way.
I think my head would look
pretty good on a spike.
When we got out of the Winnebago
to check the damage,
- "The Hound of the Baskervilles"?
- No.
What did happen in "Captain America"?
Yeah, um, about that.
I've been thinking.
I mean, what if theater doesn't
turn out to be your thing?
Yeah, but it takes a lot of time.
- I...
- You need to, you know, focus.
I am quadruple majoring, Mom.
- So, you...
- Wait. What?
Have either of you guys
seen "Captain America"?
And two... if you want
a problem to go away,
Why not? You told Axl what to major in.
what happened with the business.
even though Joyce is very nice
I'm not getting enough outreach
to the young people in town.
I see you went with Franklin Gothic,
with an out-of-state license plate.
Duh, it's called hiding in plain sight.
No one's offered up a reward
yet, so we're gonna be the kids
Wait.
I am going to major in...
92% of graduates find employment
within six months,
Plus, think of
all the binders I would have.
Okay. My major is...
Aired 8 years ago - Nov 01, 2016
A clueless Sue turns to Axl for help in figuring out how she can break up with her boyfriend; Brick's attempts to make friends in high school are foiled by his best friend, Troy; Frankie unintentionally buys underwear with a lewd graphic.
they just act like a jerk
I didn't see you at tryouts.
What's your name?
You know, been busy, doesn't matter.
I don't know. Polar bears
are kind of overrated.
Sue, what's going on?
we're just... in different places?
We're not quitting on the earth
when she needs us the most,
Hey, what's that on your butt?
I don't know.
Come on, that's ridiculous.
Uh, I wasn't in the mood.
a lot of people think that's a big deal.
'cause they really need a nose tackle.
so she took the obvious next step...
The way that you pushed down that person
Should I have my parents
call Psycho's parents?
Yeah, but it's gone.
You would do that for me?
Back in the day, right?
We have a good relationship.
I really need to make a point here.
and more, you know, functional,
uh, Party In My Pants...
We need to talk.
So, is it done?
Hey.
Did you find out
what position he's playing?
Uh, first of all,
I'd steer clear of "bouquet."
You're giving me tall-guy advice.
Your mom is so ugly,
That's not safe.
and the zoo is somehow
charging people to leave.
You didn't return them, did you?
Well, I'll have as much cereal
as I want, Mindy,
That's the pizza they gave me,
so... take it or leave it.
I hate this room and I hate Jeremy.
And me, I've got a boyfriend
to break up with.
For once, you are going
to stay and listen to me.
I sent my nocut a cappella group
and you... the naturalborn follower.
I am not a sponge.
I think you do it for you
Wait, uh, Sue, the... the...
I got an even bigger laugh.
Aired 8 years ago - Oct 25, 2016
As Halloween approaches, Frankie is taken aback when she discovers that, if the circumstances ever arose where she and Mike got divorced, the kids would all choose to live with Mike. Meanwhile, Sue tries everything in her power to get her room back
from Brick, and having to be so nice around girlfriend April all of the time leads Axl to lash out at his family,
MORE
-LESS
I gave you my room for the summer.
True, but I'll be needing
my room at Thanksgiving,
Have they really proven
the tryptophan thing?
Got that for you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Are those my magazines?
Oh, yes, they were Hollywood's
golden couple,
What if Mom and Dad got a divorce?
Okay, then.
Well, listen, it's okay. I get it.
Well, I was dreaming about you
and I woke up missing you.
You cannot treat me this way,
and neither can Brick!
Tina. I don't know who that is.
I was maybe gonna let you use it if
I do a semester abroad in Houston,
No. I need it back.
on Broadway or in Hollywood.
so I'm gonna lay low for a while.
You just sat there quietly
soaking up all our kids' love.
It was a stupid little argument.
No, it doesn't make me feel any better.
I don't get excitable.
Am I excitable now?
Who? Who? Who?
and it's really... Loud.
and I'm really starting
to like your room.
Once a week he eats sardines on
crackers and he likes the Colts.
I'm Wayland Flowers and he's Madame.
so all that stuff
you're eating right there,
Here you go.
What are you, an oldtimey army captain?
Actually, I'm not.
Huh. Seems like an odd choice of
wardrobe just for hanging out.
And no more naming things
that shouldn't have names.
I gave Brick my room,
and now I have a broken door
I walk in Cousin Jared's shoes.
Yes, she is.
but my feelings are very real,
or that I'm not good at
fast-forwarding with the remote.
Ooh, aren't you cute.
Oh, that apple does look good.
Aired 8 years ago - Oct 18, 2016
Mike tries to help a devastated Sue get back into college after discovering she has been kicked out for not renewing her financial aid, and Frankie attempts to teach Brick how to swallow a pill when he gets sick.
A lake! Would you just relax?
Well, okay.
Is that Dolly Parton as nice
as they say she is?
Yeah, but then they got dropped
by the system
because you failed to renew it.
and you should have gotten an e-mail.
[Chuckles] Oh, yeah.
Wouldn't that be great?
It's huge!
You swallowed seven LEGOs...
that I know of.
Did I do it?
Now take a sip of water.
[Spits]
Okay, hold on. Calm down, everyone.
You know, this probably
isn't a good time
Yeah, well, "pursuant to"
the situation, we are screwed!
You know, there is blood
on your hands, too.
See, Brick, this is why you got
to learn to swallow a pill.
Don't think I won't play that card.
See, you know this
because you're the dad
What are you doing?
because it has a girlfriend
whose hair smells like lemons.
You can't freeze me out.
I froze you out first.
and also, I'm always looking
for lucky pennies.
you may see me do some things
you've never seen before.
I know you've got a lot on your plate.
So, if you could just see your
way clear to reinstate that aid,
but I'm afraid that's not really
a possibility for us right now.
first woman bursar by fudging the rules.
Of course, I never withheld funds.
Real quick. Let's change places.
"I'm gonna help you
'cause what is a bursar
a-a knight, a hero, a bursar...
Come on, Dad. What's our next step?
Heck, you're with Hutch.
[Sighs] Okay. Watch the leg.
[Whistle blows]
[Whistle blows]
Well, then spend more time with me.
♪♪
You did have Cinnabon, didn't you?
I don't know.
and it's something
I never mastered, okay?
Bumper even at the front.
Who cares? I dinged
that guy's license plate.
Work at Spudsy's. Cry a lot.
Aired 8 years ago - Oct 11, 2016
Frankie and Mike are excited to be introduced to the love of Axl's life, April; the family is surprised when she reveals an unusual personality trait; Sue decides to change her major while Brick begins high school and wants to change his image.
and read magazines or something.
Easy, girl.
Whoa, he's about the age I was
when I met you.
Partly because I was
binge-watching "Outlander,"
is very special to Axl,
so you have to talk to her.
where you can look back on this moment.
Hi!
but you didn't say if it was
your south or my south.
So, April, this guy
never tells us anything.
Now I work at Orson CC.
That stands for country club.
You liked her? You liked her.
That's how she made me feel...
April, not the rabbit.
Wait, did you say "were pretty"?
Don't say "all up in his grille."
Maybe I do need a backup plan.
Oh, my God, Brick, I am so sorry.
I don't have lunch period
with Cindy or Troy,
I didn't know that was still a thing.
They're growing up, moving on.
Why can't you be on Team Frankie?
I'll make a toast.
He just hadn't figured out
anything after that.
Hey.
I'm on Team Frankie.
High school is better 'cause
only three of them made fun of me.
I went wrong south again.
which I won't need
because I am gonna make it.
Yeah, she's... pretty.
I used to breast feed you!
And especially with the...
the storm window of life c...
Hi! You're early!
Oh, April! Jeremy.
Jeremy, this is April.
No, Mike. I follow the underpaid workers
I wish I had a less complicated
name, like June.
Or you can learn that from your parents.
Since everyone else has
their significant others here,
Oh. No shrimp?
When he's holding a pencil,
Well, you can't call me Mike.
You know, I need some help
at the fridge.
Just stay with me for a minute,
okay, Brick?
I'll trade you your olives
for my soy sauce.