Aired 14 years ago - May 19, 2010
Parent-Teacher conferences cause Frankie to worry about the kids. In them she's told Axl is gifted but not applying himself, that her teachers still do not know who Sue is, and Brick may have to repeat the second-grade due to failure to return over 30 library books. Guest star Betty White as the school librarian.
Blond and sort of
athletic-looking? No.
So we're getting pretty used to the
drill. He tested as academically gifted.
He's getting C's.
Which are the new d's.
We got some pretty interesting
news at your conference today.
100.
You find out I'm really smart,
and you're still on me?
I'm gonna be the kind
of parent we hate.
He agreed to straighten things
out with the librarian,
Hi, Mrs. Nethercott.
I-is there a problem?
As you've checked out
book after book after book
I love the books in this room
like they're my very own babies.
No, uh, field trip
to an Amish farm.
You have until Walt
Whitman's birthday.
I know, I know.
You don't know who she is.
No. Why can't there be
some team, some club
And stay positive in
the face of all odds.
No-cut?
I can run! I ran all the way
home from school yesterday,
I know, honey.
We did it! You did it.
What are you doing?
Then how come nothing's
sticking in my brain? Seriously.
Making a protein shake.
I'll call 'em back,
'cause they're still my friends
mm.
I don't get it.
And it didn't make a damn bit of
difference. You know what? I don't
think it's us.
We're good parents,
Frankie. We are.
Sorry I'm late.
See, this deer came out
of the woods, and...
See you in third grade, Mrs.
Nethercott.
But I already searched
my entire house.
second grade.
Or AI gonna repeat second grade?
He used to do really well on
those aptitude test things,
With the aptitude scores on it,
that your name and score
Well, that explains it.
The scores were switched.
And she makes the team.
Absolutely not. Go, Sue!
Oh, come on!
I almost gave up and
stopped talking.
Aired 14 years ago - May 12, 2010
Frankie points out to Mike that his social ineptness has been passed on to Brick, leading Mike to decide that both he and Brick need to be more social, and the Heck family BBQ is the perfect time to try. Meanwhile, Axl volunteers to clean the family
pool in an attempt to get girls to stop by and swim and Sue tries to raise money for a local parish because her new friend, Reverend TimTom might be leaving in order to keep costs down
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And there's no
tryouts for jesus.
The wonderful
progress we've made.
Or other group situation
can lead to hurt feelings.
You see, parents,
Sometimes the point
is so obvious,
Sue's teeth--your family.
It's not just about
the genes, mike.
And suwas giving youth
group a try.
Oh, he doesn't lead
the youth group.
let's rap about
what's on your minds.
♪ yeah, it's tough ♪
We'd be on to something.
Well, son,
you're never really done.
Everyone can always
improve, evene.
Lo, brick, we got this
big barbecue coming up.
Attaboy!
♪ awkward on the outside ♪
If you'd like to come to
our barbecue this weekend.
Is that true?
Is reverend timtom leaving?
Sue was devastated to be
losing reverend timtom
Axl's right. It's the kickoff
to ors bikini season,
Des, u ne to move more!
My dad never let me
anywhere near ours.
What are we gonna do?
I was really touched
watching them.
So you have ancestors
from France and belgium?
You're a good listener.
♪ no one takes you seriously ♪
Or... You could do mine?
I asked brian to
come in and help me,
Oh, I don't know
much about that,
It's like you wanted
all these things,
Wow. I just... Feel like
you get me in a way that--
And you think your
life's gonna go one way,
Frankie, seriously,
give me another chance.
Harder than I thought.
What happened to you?
It sounds like an excuse,
but mom'd probably fall for it.
Eh, brick, that's kinda
your mom's thing.
So the church could
afford to keep you.
It's who I am.
I'm timtom, the roving rev.
Im. No, the other half.
I'll tell you what's gonna
happen to you, sue heck.
Aired 14 years ago - May 05, 2010
Mother's Day for Frankie is anything but serene when she finds herself doing more for Mike and the kids and less for herself. But she learns that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when she escapes the family for a few hours to go to her mom's
(Marsha Mason, "The Goodbye Girl," "Chapter Two") and ends up acting like a child by making her mom wait on her hand-and-foot. Meanwhile, Sue feels guilty when she steals a motivational magnet from a store whose message actually enticed her to shoplift it.
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And read his paper in
peace. It's his day.
Old Bologna would be
the star of that show?
Hey, Mike, can you bring
me the stain remover?
Is this it?
Take your time.
I thought I'd give 'em time to find me something
nice. Didn't we just do Valentine's day?
You forgot Mother's Day, didn't you?
Yeah, okay. I'm in kind of a hurry here.
No. We got plenty of
fridge magnets at home
No.
'cause you're on 'em all
day, and it's inflatable,
Yep! A certified piece
of I.U. Hoosier gym.
But I had to come get it that morning,
Okay.
And if you can find a picture
of yourself to put in it,
Could somebody get that?
What? Why? She always
comes here. Yeah, well,
Yet just loud enough that I
can't sleep through it. All right.
The whole way we'll
listen to music and gab.
What's going on with you?
Ship's pretty much sailed on that one.
I just loved it so much, and
dad wouldn't buy it for me,
We'll take it back to the store tomorrow
After stopping at a
do-it-yourself car wash
Your leg must be feeling better.
But you didn't have come
all this way. My gosh!
Oh, my.
Come on, chop suey.
But we all deserve chocolate.
What is it about being at your
mom's house
Can you bring me a pop or something?
Oh, how long was I asleep?
And, mom, in triangles, okay?
I mean, I just came all the way up here
What are you, a court reporter? I'm
sorry if I drove an hour and a half
"Can I eat this?" uh,
"where's my raincoat?"
I'll bet you just made that
up as an excuse to not see me!
I don't understand?!
If you guys wanted to be alone, why didn't
you just say so? It's really hard, Sue.
Use your head!
I'm sorry, Sue.
With double-fried dark
meat and monster fries,
Hey, everybody.
Aired 14 years ago - Apr 28, 2010
Frankie is worried that Axl's going to get his heart crushed again when his on-again/off-again girlfriend, Morgan (Alexa Vega, "Spy Kids," "Ruby & the Rockits"), re-enters his life and tries to mold him into the man she wants him to be. Meanwhile
Brick learns what it means to be a mother hen when he has to watch over a baby chick for a school science project.
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To reassure him that the world
is a safe, loving place.
I don't know what happened.
Who even drinks buttermilk?
Awesome! You found 'em.
It was all adding up
to one thing.
Mike, you're not
gonna believe this.
No.
He didn't think
you would take it well.
So Axl feels
like he can't come to me?
Circle of life and all that.
Why?
Okay, I'll start.
But if you're happy, I'm happy.
It sounds totally creepy when
you put it like that.
But I never said anything
about Sue being here.
Mrs. Heck, I know Axl and I
have had our ups and downs,
So I got regular
and extra-crispy.
Brick, get that thing
off the table. Come on.
And this seems to be
kind of exceeding that,
So what's wrong with Spanish?
I mean, we didn't
just give birth to him
I told Axl-- well, I told Axl--
would you like some broccoli?
Aah! Well, that's how it went in
my head, anyway. In reality...
Mike could sense it.
Hello? Were you not there?
And they get married
and have kids,
And we only get to see them
once a year,
Brick's chick has
better judgment than he does,
But like all new parents,
And then I'll play with you.
Yeah? I just want to tell you that
I know you're head cheerleader
I should try out
for cheerleading.
Really? Oh, I don't want to intrude.
Mike was right.
Well, I'm just ad
I could throw this celebration
Any negative feelings
you might have about Morgan.
Ohh.
Wow, I can't believe you picked
me as your partner. Yeah.
Oh, you were right
when you said that--
Well, shouldn't she?
This is out of your control.
Aired 14 years ago - Apr 14, 2010
After failing to pay the electric bill on time, the electric company shuts off the Heck's power. This leads Frankie and Mike to cut down on their unnecessary expenses, including their cable TV. The kids take up other activities to fill the void, but
Frankie and Mike have a hard time figuring out what to do. Meanwhile, Brick and his other socially-challenged friends have to go outside for recess when the school library shuts down.
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Whipped cream!
Aw. Sauerkraut.
Of the library, until... All right, boys.
I need you to come with me.
From now on the library
will be closed at recess,
Okay, if we can make it
to that slide over there,
Hello, mr. Heck. Yeah, yeah.
Cut to the chase. Five minutes.
Insurance. Phone.
We've already cut
back on everything.
You started it. Add that.
Go ahead. Add that, steve.
Spend less, cut back,
pay off your debts.
Great suggestion, but how about
we buy less takeout food,
So... We're getting rid of cable.
You're acting like this is the end of the
world. How is it not? Tell me how it's not.
Wait!
So we didn't have cable-
not the end of the world.
Brick... Well, brick read.
Big surprise.
How come you're the only one
to get your name in the name?
Yeah.
Besides watch tv, and we can't?
Dad, would you write me a
note to get me out of recess?
Aunt edie and aunt ginny
have invited us to bingo
it's a freebie.
Actually this is your future.
Frankie. Bingo! You won?
Ladies and ladies,
aah!
Ohh. There is so much
we can do with this.
That's gonna really feel great.
If we weren't gonna pay
the debt down.
And tell us what you think we
should do with the money.
We need to pick something that
will make all of us happy,
Well, like you could
be a rock star?
You know what? You're all useless.
And in the light of day, things seemed
clearer. Well, the first thing we should
do
I just want you to know
And I think I have a plan to
get us back into the library.
So if we get 'em together,
it'll create a diversion,
We'll tell rayna that one of the
4-square boys likes her.
Wrecking their game. Hey!
Your stupid ball messed us up.
Okay! All right. Don't eat--
I can't get it dirty.
Semper fi.
Aired 14 years ago - Mar 31, 2010
Mike's dream comes to fruition when Frankie's boss, Mr. Ehlert, offers him two tickets to the Final Four. Unfortunately, Frankie's uncle dies and the funeral is set for the same day, leaving the two in a battle and Frankie making Mike chose what
life event is more important to him. Meanwhile, Sue gets Brick out of going to a birthday party by impersonating Frankie over the phone, but the plan hits a bump when Frankie needs to call and tell them that Brick cannot attend because of the funeral.
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Just because he likes sports
doesn't make him a nice guy,
These are tickets
to the final four!
And, frances, you were ten
minutes late this morning!
They eat sugar,
and then they run more,
And tell her I can't come.
You'll get an "a." I promise.
(whispers) allison.
I mean, allison.
I've never lied before
in my whole life.
To the final four is a
very dangerous option.
(telephone rings)
If there were only
some way to get this...
Yeah. (sniffles) he was 91. Mm.
Saturday, huh?
I know it's hard,
but he had a good, long life.
You only met him once
when you were very little.
It will all make sense.
(gasps)
(beep) did I say axl?
Because I meant brick.
Oh, and don't wait
till the last minute
Yeah, well, that's
what day it is, mike.
It's the final four, frankie.
Final four!
I thought he was the guy with
the toe for a thumb, too.
I'm not gonna sit here
and explain to you
I want to go to the final four.
I can watch it three hours later,
sitting on my couch,
Well, you'd never know it.
I don't even know why
we're talking about it.
But I don't want you to go
because I want you to go.
No one has to come to my funeral.
If you can't go to this funeral
with a smile on your face,
I'm gonna turn myself in.
Pull yourself together.
You should've thought of
that before you got in.
Hello, allison.
And we both-- (click)
(inhales deeply) wait.
This isn't frankie heck.
So I picked up aunt
edie's photo album
I want to go to the funeral.
I really do.
I got beer in the fridge,
a couple bags of chips.
Now she'll know I'm not
the child she thinks I am,
(exhales deeply) whoa.
I don't feel so good.
(organ playing "amazing grace")
Huh, dad?
Who has some thoughts she'd
like to share with us now.
Aired 14 years ago - Mar 24, 2010
Frankie fears for her job when a motivational consultant comes to get the sale team into shape. While Frankie is putting in many extra hours, Mike has to deal with the children and their issues, including making the house more fun for Axl and his friends, giving advice to Sue's ex-boyfriend and helping Brick with a school project.
How about a red car?
Abby,are you sure that now is the
bt time To be shopping for a car?
Do it,you gutless wonder.
Meet abby michaels,A motivational consultant
I hired To whip you losers into shape.
Oh,good.You've got your hammer out.
Oh,honey,that was fun once,But
that old mattress is so icky.
I was doing my damnedest To get out
from behind the eight ball at work--
Issues you can connect with the customer on To gain
their trust And then ultimately exploit to make the sale.
Your patter's like knocking back a
sleeping pill With a shot of scotch.
Bear with me.
Excellent foresight
and planning,mr.Heck.
She should be.
Well,if you want,I can let you
take down the pizza rolls,Could I?
Nope.
What?
Mr.Heck,please,let
us help you with that.
I think sue and carly are downstairs.
Brad,I'm not sure I'm the person
you want to talk to about this.
But I'm afraid if I act on them,It might be
surprising and might hurt people I care about.
I don't know which end is up.
Frankie.
That's your style--
avoid and retreat.
You've got 24 hours to give me a name.
I got kids running
around all over the place.
It wasn't that easy.
You told me to follow my gut.
I wrote down what I knew you would say.
I'm just a mom.
I am.
the economy sucks,and
no one's buying cars.
Bring it on!
Who are you?
s,do you think we
could talk for a minute?
He didn't give me a choice.
And not only that,but abby
thinks I have potential.
I just have to get up and say,"yes!
Aired 14 years ago - Mar 10, 2010
Axl is heartbroken when his girlfriend (Alexa Vega) breaks up with him; Sue and Brick watch a scary movie.
Oh. (Laughs) You do?
Totally! Hi!
Oh, and every day he leaves
a note in my locker
Mom, I think I'm in love.
(Sighs) Can you believe it?
(Gasps) (Pants)
and this is the first
we hear of her?
Well, actually, I do.
Come on in.
We didn't get to meet yesterday,
Oh. Don't worry.
I'll just knock on the door.
No, I know.
I saw zombies ripping the guts
out of Taylor Lautner!
No.
She ate her baby's face off.
(Eerie music playing) What are you doing?
I don't want to watch it again!
I thought those zombies were
eating hamburger last time.
Axl, what I'm saying is...
and you just kept staring
at that video game magazine.
But we're, like, in love.
You know, we could always order in.
(Sniffles)
What's up with Axl?
(Crying)
(Mike, crying) Frankie, it's me.
(Rock music playing)
Yes. Yes, it is.
Dude,
he sounds like such a dork!
I love you, Frankie.
No! I love this tape.
What, love? You want me
to stop saying "love"?
I know they're in here
somewhere.
Oh, man.
Not much to eat.
women love it when men cry.
I-it's why your mom sees
So...
(Amplified voice)
⪠and the home of the brave âª
with this very generous donation
of $25!
(Crowd cheering)
He keeps looking at Morgan.
Well, he's channeling his heartbreak into his game.
(Chanting) Blue and white!
(Wheels squeaking)
It's been locked for two days.
Why is he stopping?
the actions
of a man not going anywhere?
Brick!
(Sighs)
Cuidado piso mojado.
but I won't let go!"
Aired 14 years ago - Mar 03, 2010
When Mike discovers that Brick is a spelling whiz and won the school spelling bee, he puts all his efforts into training him to win the regional bee, which could ultimately lead to competing in the Scripps Spelling Bee. But as the family gets set
for their road trip to Chicago for the regional bee, Frankie and Mike are horrified when they realize they forgot one thing -- Sue's birthday.
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Like, eight or nine friends
sleep over this Saturday.
Mom thinks a sleepover's
not a good idea,
Did you know our boy won
the school-wide spelling bee?
Midwest regionals in chigo
next week, and if he wins that,
The overlap between
things you're good at
"Perspicacious."
O-p-o-e-i-a.
Brick heck, ture champ.
He's heading for regionals.
Why didn't you just say
it was for your birthday?
Honey, your mother and I
are sorry. We feel terrible.
We're going to chicago
for my birthday?
But your present is
that you get to be in charge
Oh! I want to stay mad,
You interrupted my R.E.M. Sleep.
From every fun thing we do
for my birthday weekend,
Actually, I think
I, the birthday girl,
⪠when along came
an avalanche âª
I'm hungry.
Hungry.
We're not stopping.
I want to get to the hotel
Oh, well.
You guys are so gonna love
We have to get to the motel,
get brick a nice hot bath,
To the motels we had picked.
There's poop in the toilet!
And I am including the ozarks
and the frog infestation.
Yeah, that's right.
It's all about brick.
The spelling bee is a big deal. To who?
My 13-year-old comes up
with. 14. She had a birthday.
I just wanted
to make everybody happy.
And it sure didn't make
that room look any better.
But, yeah, I know
they're your favorite. Aw!
I like doughnut holes.
You should be focusing on
letters right now, not numbers.
Right at your table.
Brick...
And that's when
it finally sunk in for mike.
If we can, please have
The winner of this competition
will go on to compete
"Minutia."
M-i-n-u-t-i...
That's incorrect.
One of these contestants
will be our midwest champion.
"Prospicience."
"guerdon."
The next word is
"chiaroscurist."
Aired 14 years ago - Feb 10, 2010
Valentine's Day unexpectedly finds Frankie and Mike home alone and ready for a romantic evening while Brick is away at his first sleepover, Sue goes to her first boy-girl party, and Axl has a big date night planned with some friends. But Cupid's arrow doesn't exactly hit the target, and the best laid plans soon begin to unravel.
No, zack is the cat kid, and he's
a total get! The cat is the get?
Easy, girl.
Happy valentine's day.
I think I know
what the makeup is about.
I don't know what I meant.
mom,
That is totally unfair.
Yeah, well,
we were bad parents then.
Your reading flashlight,
Me, too.
$50 to $75
gets you on the ground floor.
Carly's mom is outside.
God sees everything you do!
Oh, my god, mike.
We're alone.
After dinner isn't always
your sexiest time.
I'm just saying
maybe we should do it now
It's go time!
Mr. Heck, Mrs. Heck,
great to see you both.
These guys are stuck
paying for their dinner,
Keep walking.
Just keep walking.
I guess it has been
a long time.
I have a ball
with a bell in it.
2 for dinner. Okay. And you're
fine with a 45-minute wait?
Wow! That line wraps
around the building, too, huh?
and you blew it!
I hope you're happy!
Let's make a pact
that we won't leave each other
I don't want any.
I'll get your server.
Okay.
Let's look
into each other's eyes.
Let's each name
our five favorite moments
Eh, it's cool. They're just
playing hard to get.
and the girls show us
their appreciation.
You're really good
at this.
I'm good.
Yeah, I understand.
I'll be right there. Bye.
And if the guy
with the breadsticks comes by,
Want a beer? I brought it
from home. No! No, I don't!
because of how zack reacts.
Really? You want him
to come over again?
Come on.
Back to us, all right?
Hi, honey.
It's sue.
i'm an immature dork for wanting
to leave. I'll be right there.
Mr. Heck?
dude, we've been duped.
Aired 14 years ago - Feb 03, 2010
Frankie makes a deal with her kids, that if they do their homework and keep chores she won't nag them. Meanwhile, Mike takes a job as a night driver with Bob.
It was in this morning?
It hasn't moved.
I would film my kids and show
them what they sounded like.
Brick, your dad's
going to the mall.
Have you done your paper?"
(sue) I will!
Hey, honey.
Hey, mike.
So, michael michael
bo-bikel. (chuckles)
It's uh, union pay, easy gig.
Okay, we are gonna watch
some educational television.
Hey, you recorded me?
...Is to make me some sort
of mindless zombie here.
Okay, there we go.
...I won't make it,
and it will be all your fault!
I have had it with you.
All you have to do around here
The kids don't listen to me
unless I yell at them.
(earrings thud)
One day later I find you
on the bathroom floor,
I've decided I don't like
the way I sound on the tape.
Then you'll show me
you can listen,
That's stupid.
We should get money.
Okay, this is not
some kind of contest for prizes.
Actually a trust-respect circle.
Or is that an oval?
Mike will be so excited.
Oh!
So...
Between the mayan
and aztec cultures.
(whispers) I don't know
Hits was gonna be harder
than I thought.
My kids.
God, I want to yell.
I want to yell so bad.
Whatever happened to
the whole trust circle thing?
It's a trust-respect oval,
Helping me figure out how
the hell I'm gonna get through
Brick. Where'd you get that hat?
I thought you didn't have one.
Welcome to my time, mike,
I'm not really sure you should
do that while you drive.
Mm!
(horn honks)
I felt this new sense
of freedom opening up for me,
Can somebody get that?
Sue was supposed to be at
my house an hour ago to babysit.
Brick, here. Can you sit with
the baby while I get dressed?
But then I saw this homeless guy
going through the trash,
You're just starting
to work on this now?
Okay, I admit it. I screwed up.
Go ahead, yell at me.
(cries)
"you're a nice guy,
but I think--"
Bob,
this is a little persol.
Oh, my god! I'm needy?!
Haven't I suffered enough?
Maybe you can win
this woman back.
Aired 14 years ago - Jan 13, 2010
Mike loses his job when the plant shuts down for scientific research after he discovers a dinosaur bone in the quarry. However, Mike starts to get irregular feelings when he discovers how drastically things have change technologically over the years
when considering the terms of searching for a job. Meanwhile, Frankie feels she must once again come to Brick's rescue when he decides to run for school historian.
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Aired 14 years ago - Jan 06, 2010
When Sue has a run-in with her sons, Frankie fears that a confrontation with the trasy neighbor may be at hand. Meanwhile, Axl attempts to bribe Brick after he's asked to teach his little brother how to kick a ball for a gym requirement. However, Brick is the one turning the tables and it ends up bribing him for another favor.
There's nothing to do. Here's something.
Take your brother out
It tried to chase me home. I lost a shoe!
We really should.
You know that house on the
corner that burned down?
And then Sue, whose sense of justice
I... wanted to bring to your attention
Anyway, you might want to chain up your dog.
Oh, I'll be there.
Yeah, not happening.
Where is the extension cord?
to kick a ball, but you gotta write
We're fighting.
Â♪ oh, ho-ho, ho Â♪
Â♪ huah! Â♪ Â♪ but they did
it with expert timing Â♪
Oh, well.
Hang on. Choreography? For a fight?
Oh, my god.
So they can't I.D. Us by our saliva.
What about 'em?
And--you know what? That's not the point.
Uh, n-no, sh-she doesn't like your son.
Eyes up here, buddy.
You got a problem with the dog,
you gotta take it up with him.
-Fine. Then where's Bill?
Hey! Wait a minute. Get away from my boy.
I'm pretty sure I did,
before... it came out.
Her boob... Popped out, sorta.
I remember I was trying to stop Rodney.
It's your reflection.
that Brick didn't want it to end.
-You get another page.
-What? That wasn't the deal.
I'm gonna need two pages for that.
Good. Okay, come on. Let's go.
Mom, how long do we have to stay like this?
I don't know.
Stop that! Ohh.
Derrick, stop shaking that soda!
Good.
But don't expect me to kiss your behind.
I want my kids to be able
to play in the front yard
But you know what? We don't.
People give my boys lots of stuff.
Come and get your balls, Jimmy.
Aired 14 years ago - Jan 06, 2010
A hormonally charged Sue wants a cool pair of jeans in order to fit in with her peers, resulting in Frankie and Mike enduring the unpredictability of teenagers, while Axl wants a car to impress a girl. Meanwhile, attempting to teach Brick about
responsibility, Frankie and Mike reluctantly allow him to take care of Aunt Edie and Aunt Ginny's dog Doris for a few days.
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Listen, I'm 16 now,
See, ever since axl got
his driver's license
And... stupid!
Stop crying right now.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Honey, I believe that it's not
at people see on the outside
Damn.
Ohh.
No, not these.
These are my old, gross jeans.
Is that how it is now, ricky ricardo?
Let me see it. No.
112 bucks for one pair of jeans?
That cost more than all my pants put
together? Okay, I wouldn't expect you to
understand.
So? What do you think?
I did not not make drama club.
Oh, right. The magic jeans
got her a callback.
Oh. Hey. I need to meet
some friends at pizza pan.
Also if I had my own car,
She's just some girl
I've kind of been seeing.
Fine. Just don't say anything
moronic like, "nice to meet you"
wow.
Yeah, but a guy needs a car--
She's also an excellent student
and a good influence on him.
For the same price as those jeans,
you go for it.
That cost 112 bucks?
We tighten that, you're good.
Mike and axl were getting along.
I thought I was handling the
teen years pretty well.
um, brick?
Do you think "the crucible" or "grease"
Are you serious about this audition or not?
There was no way around it.
Sue, I have some bad news.
I just feel terrible.
I just have to let my
inner light shine through.
Honey, you don't really feel that.
You think I don't do anything for you?
Never mind. I got her.
Um, so what do you think about the shirt?
I'm texting bella that you
picked me up in your own car.
Brick, dog.
Axl, watch it. I was justrying to help.
Axl isn't gonna be able to
go out with you tonight.
Aired 15 years ago - Dec 09, 2009
Mike takes over the responsibility of organizing the Heck family Christmas while Frankie practices for a solo that she is singing at midnight mass. However, she gets jealous when Mike seems to be doing a better job than she ever did. Meanwhile, Frankie and Mike help Brick get over a problem so he can get into the Christmas spirit.
So I signed you up
to bring in pies
you have no idea
what Christmas involves.
Cash, a cell phone
and to be left alone.
or, you know,
a gentleman.
Before we begin,
please join me in praying
But there's something
to be said
But I like putting up
the tree.
Thanks, buddy.
How's work?
I know what will get you
in the Christmas spirit.
I never looked at it
that way.
Don't move.
You got him lurking
around the school
for the Christmas stamps.
Okay, but you know
what you can do?
I have just come from rehearsal,
and I can safely say
I had that little chat
with him,
When did all this start?
It's terrifying.
But you know what we do?
And then, because he
thought he was on a roll,
So now Brick's afraid that
if he talks at all, he'll whisper,
I'm here busting my butt
getting Christmas together,
Christmas is stressful
and exhausting and horrible.
It's my big night. I just--
I don't want to fight.
- So it's gonna be crowded.
- We'll be there.
They're on their way.
What? Ooh--oh!
You can open it
when we get back.
Don't get too into
that book.
'cause you're
on the family plan.
You got a Rihanna CD
and a "Twilight"--
Listen, can you j-just go tell them
they're gonna be here.
♪ Joyful and triumphant ♪
♪ Born the king of angels ♪
♪ Christ the Lord ♪
It's not hard, and we would
have been there sooner,
I have some idea, yeah.
I, uh...
But for Brick,
it made him... stop.
Aired 15 years ago - Dec 02, 2009
Frankie encounters two perfect siblings and vows to make her children stop fighting and become a loving family. Meanwhile, Aunt Edie makes a costly mistake at the quarry and Mike considers firing her.
because I think
Ginny is starting to lose it.
Hey, madame chairwoman!
I'm taking Dotty to the mall
to get her ears pierced.
Damn. I was hoping it
was something
- And Mike supports you?
- Oh, yeah, sure.
Dinners, game night, trips.
Dinners, game night...
Throughout the day, she called me
"Mickey," "Milton," "Myrtle."
Did the kids
break the big TV?
We're just not watching them
until after supper.
- I don't know.
- Are you getting a divorce?
So what was your high and
what was your low of the day?
Oh, wait.
I want to change my low.
Axl? You do Sue.
Listen, you kids
are not even trying!
No! I'm not dying.
to a final,
undignified death.
Every time you talk to that woman,
there's always something.
How the hell
have we been lazy?
Okay.
are supposed
to appreciate each other.
I have an idea.
- something weird happened.
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I did it!
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
- Hey, whoa!
Axl didn't pretend
to commit suicide once.
Hey, guys.
"it is rare to have a boss
who is not only generous
Mike, we want you
to know
Come on. Kids versus
the elderly. Let's go!
I think the work
keeps me alive.
So you want to do the checks
this afternoon then?
That's right!
Exactly.
Edie,
you're a great old gal.
Oh, I get it. I know
what it means to be let go.
What is? Tell me--tell me what
you think is disappointing.
But what I really do
need your help with...
Look at this.
I found a corner.
Ow. Damn.
Think I might have
pulled a ligament.
Aired 15 years ago - Nov 25, 2009
Frankie's plan to have an idyllic family Thanksgiving backfires when Mr. Ehlert demands his staff work over the holiday. Brick goes missing in a corn maze.
Sales are
at an all-time low.
Well, so is taking the country
away from a bunch of Indians,
N-no, actually, sir,
I was wondering
"in the workplace,
can I have Thanksgiving off
then I'll meet you and the kids
at the mall at midnight.
So you--you, uh, like to...
square-dance, huh?
We're gonna go get
my "Flashdance" CD,
No. She'll figure it out
eventually, or he will.
Look, the first
100 customers get 20% off
So Mike finally went
to ask his dad to Thanksgiving,
Montgomery Ward went
out of business ten years ago.
Yeah, the calendar's
four years old, Dad.
or a long bathroom break
will take care of it.
You know, we went to Disneyland
once before you were born.
so I can drive the kidney to
the hospital. It's an H.M.O.
come home, clean up, get to
the mall, and for dessert,
No. Thanksgiving is
about family.
to make Thanksgiving
happen?
No!
Dude. That sucks.
Oh, hey, can I invite Brad
over to help?
Wow.
Now I get why they say
Nobody's gonna buy a car today.
Why are we even here?
He can't say no to all of us.
Right?
Mr. Ehlert wanted to stay open
on Thanksgiving
Just listening
to the game.
You're not a bother, Dad.
I want you to come in.
and oh, my God,
he's dressed like corn.
And don't even get me started
on my husband and his dad. Ohh.
You know what,
Mr. Ehlert?
Wait.
Your only daughter's
coming in from Hawaii."
Aired 15 years ago - Nov 18, 2009
Frankie accidentally hits Brick in the head with a beer bottle when trying to get the trash out before the garbage truck leaves. But when Brick innocently tells his school that the scratch was caused by his mother throwing a beer bottle at him, a
social worker comes to evaluate the Heck family. Meanwhile, Bob helps Mr. Ehlert shoot a commercial for the car lot.
MORE
-LESS
When high prices is
a... black man, yes, sir.
Brick and the beeping in class.
Brick and the howling in class.
with your son
this morning.
and then just snowballed
from there.
I could kick her ass.
I am never mad,
never, ever, ever.
Look--hey, you know what?
Or teacher appreciation day
or the back-to-school picnic,
So if I tell the social worker
that you hit me, too,
and they're gonna see what
a normal family we really are.
the social worker
might ask you.
if she asks you
if we were coaching you,
just a teeny, teeny bit
I hope he goes
to a nice family.
this time she really does.
That's not right,
is it? Eh.
- They don't roll off the tongue.
- Um...
Take that off.
Damn it, Axl, take it off!
He said, "Son,
stuff those feelings down.
Sue, get out there
and clean that up.
Okay, don't swell up, Sue.
Don't swell.
Her head gets cold.
It really is.
It's--it's better if everyone
just stays relaxed, okay?
Just about every chance we get.
We love spending time together.
Three times a week.
More if the Colts are losing.
And what do you do
as a family for fun?
Okay.
Brick is up next.
It wasn't going well
for me,
You made it through
the whole thing!
In my old commercial,
I was beautiful, Bob!
Do not start to cry again, Sue.
I swear, I will--
I think I have
everything I need,
I understand.
Of course. Um, so...
It was years ago.
You dated our social worker?
I didn't call her
because I met you,
I tried to be
as mellow as Mike,
I mean, isn't being
surprised the most fun?
Oh, I--nervous bladder.
I have a doctor's note.
Yes?
Aired 15 years ago - Nov 04, 2009
When Axl accidentally breaks down the front door, Mike insists that, he fix it in order to teach him a lesson, which leaves the Heck house wide open for days. At work, Frankie needs to sell a car within a week or she will have to wear a dog suit
outside the lot for promotion. Meanwhile, it's picture day at school and Sue is concerned because she has never had a flattering picture taken of herself.
MORE
-LESS
ahead of his usual schedule.
Six and a half days--
I'll get you a truckload.
but we've never seen
any of them show up on film.
I'll be stuck with it!
Perfect! Now can you
do that again tomorrow?
At least it made it
into the kitchen.
Well, call me if you need backup.
Look at me and continue looking at me.
and you're gonna put the dirty
dish in the dishwasher.
Oh, God! You are always on me! Fine!
There's a lot of stuff
for you to do.
I support your father.
The next morning, we still
didn't have a front door.
You still don't have a door?
Meanwhile, it was amazing
what the threat of a dog suit
What are you trying to do
to these poor people?
Now, now. Let me be the--
Axl and Mike had a history.
Over the next few days, I tried
every sales trick in the book.
No door, no food.
Mike, seriously, what is your plan here?
Careful. Careful.
There's no word.
We're not backing off.
The--the stench is
what's hard to take.
- Can I turn up the heat?
- Dad says no.
I am so proud of you.
1,500 stir sticks and a giant
green styrofoam ball.
Who the hell are you?
Attention, all customers--
I'll have to think about it.
Should I have to clean up your mess?
And from the picture
in your wallet, she is adorable!
It had always been right there
in front of me.
Great news!
Guess what I did t--
Well, well, well.
It's coming back off.
Frankie, give me the drill.
Come on. Hand it over.
Aired 15 years ago - Oct 28, 2009
Brick's teachers tell Frankie and Mike that he is "socially challenged". Mike believes that enrolling Brick on a basketball team is a good way to get him to interact with others, but the idea falls through. However, when Mike enters the neighborhood
block-party lawnmower contest, he realizes that Brick has some special talents. Meanwhile, Frankie joins a booster club in the hopes of raising enough money for Axl's football team to buy new jerseys, but Axl refuses to give his old one up.
MORE
-LESS
Sure,
he showers sitting down.
but not overly concerned.
Now, I know
you own pants.
Oh, I miss you!
Thank you for being
the best mom ever.
I just feel like
I've slacked off.
Your move.
Look, if you want, I can help
Brick make friends.
See?
He likes basketball.
Oh, that's why Axl
wanted me to come.
- Alright, alright!
- Boys, come on.
You're playing
a basketball game.
raised the money to get us
these killer new jerseys, right?
but it's these little moments
that make it all worthwhile.
Pineapple, hypnotize,
lacerate...
- He was just... weird.
- Damn it.
I'm gonna work on something
I can understand--the lawnmower.
Sue, what happened
to your face?
No, not her. Me.
and I was gonna get Axl
to give it to me.
Don't you think you should
ask her to give it back?
I think you might want
to get it back.
Why don't you just
go back to bed?
How do you do that?
"To adjust shift levers,
And there's no hard feelings.
In Orson, Indiana, that's
some serious trash-talking.
What? Her?
I mean, how can you be
so insensitive?
This is why
I didn't tell you!
Aired 15 years ago - Oct 21, 2009
Sue sells sausage and cheese samples for the school. All her efforts go in vain as the school fails to see this. Frankie demands her daughter fights for her rights. Meanwhile, Brick discovers love with his current girlfriend a little stressful as she bosses him about.
when I decide it's time
to go to the store.
Oh! Honey!
I know.
It's like a dream!
Two stars.
Not one, but two.
The school put up a list of
winners for the field trip,
It's like
people don't even see her.
♪ Happy birthday to you, ♪
Oh, those monsters.
Yes, more often to you,
but we'll straighten it out.
I said it once!
Don't transfer me--
Eh, it's not worth the fight.
Am I a horrible mother?
Oh, did you know that her friend
Stacy likes a boy named Ben,
A teachable moment.
Mr. Perez, the teacher,
is kind of weird.
Wow. Okay.
Got it.
Hi! Can Brick
come out and play?
Well, good for you, Sandy.
We'll see you on the bus.
Like this.
I had taught her
to stand up for herself.
But I stood my ground and
explained the situation.
He's blowing her off.
Look, the trip
is in two weeks.
Don't make me
go out there.
It's too late.
I've put too much time into this
relationship to just walk away.
Got it?
I was all packed
and everything.
Oh! That's it.
Come on.
They're drawstring.
It's almost pants.
They're drawstring.
It's almost pants.
She demands!
Nobody ever has a record of Sue,
but I was there.
You're gonna penalize this
sweet, innocent young girl
So you gonna let my daughter
get on the bus or not?
Oh, God.
She's... strong.
She'd get Strawberry Shortcake,
and I'd get Rainbow Brite.
Uh, grades.
I mean driving and grades.
She wants you
to buy her lunch tomorrow.
Aired 15 years ago - Oct 14, 2009
Frankie and Mike's romantic anniversary get-away is ruined by various family matters, including Brick being sick, Sue being lovesick, Axl just getting his learner's permit, and two psychotic aunts and their dog.
What in the name of
good God Almighty is that?
stealing your focus from
what you should be working on--
I purposely put Brick
in the ugliest car
Mr. Ehlert, I am so sorry.
It's just been the worst day.
It's got a tape deck.
Seems like yesterday
I was right where you are now.
No family
wondering where I am.
Hiding Brick all day
had worn me out.
And then I saw
something amazing,
Is it a good plan?
and for the rest
of my life.
so you're going to have
to help get us around.
could you make me
a sandwich?
Lost another one.
but at least I had
one thing to look forward to.
It's my idea for telling
Brendan that I like him.
I don't know how
I'm gonna live without her.
Aunt Ginny,
I am so sorry. I...
And someone has to change
the nicotine patch,
Your problem is,
you're letting these people
Maybe if you did
a little less for family,
You forgot
to pick up Aunt Ginny.
- The dog's in a diaper.
- It doesn't know it's in a diaper!
And don't wait up, 'cause I
don't know when I'll be home!
Okay, okay.
No, it's okay.
Yep. It got me here.
Being needed.
and you need to take
a little break, all right?
When it was over...
Mom, where are you?
that has ever happened
to anyone.
with a special message
for Brendan Nichols.
♪ Just like me,
they long to be ♪
Everyone in the school
was laughing
was also Sue's
favorite place to cry.
It's all right.
It's my driving beer.
Ma'am, I already spoke
to your aunt,
Aired 15 years ago - Oct 07, 2009
Trying to save her job, Frankie organizes a publicity stunt by filling a car with jelly beans. Meanwhile, Sue fails to make the swim team and realizes that she needs glasses and Brick starts reading his mother's romance novels when he can't check books out of the library.
First up,
a trip to the Frugal Hoosier,
Listen, smart consumers--
They're the kids who are popular.
1:00? Are you kidding me?
I was barely making it at 3:00.
And you said you would
take me to the library.
Come on.
Let's move it.
I'm sorry,
but there is no way
Listen, my son
is a very odd kid.
This is a good thing.
and also that
you burst an aneurysm.
That's mexican for
"not good."
And don't anybody
say free mugs.
and they have these Ronald Reagan
inaugural jelly beans--
but I think I'll just move
that Post-It to next week.
At least I knew
my family was having fun
Mom says
I'm supposed to interact.
So you got it.
Okay, Brick, honey,
great social interaction today.
but I have
a pretty good poker face.
If I had known it was gonna be
anything about self-esteem,
Her emotions
are right on the surface.
Mom, Dad,
guess what?
I've always wanted glasses!
That's why you don't
dash someone's dreams.
Oh, my God.
Those look so great.
Well, I want it, Dad,
your husband is
on line one.
Hard at work.
So, uh, how many
jelly beans are in there?
Isn't he smart?
He is so smart.
Oh, come on.
What's gonna happen?
It was the day
of the big event,
I just think
it's a hoot and a half.
And that...
We've got many
knowledgeable salesman
Cecil Hagen!
Me?
little bit of help
to get out, and...
the best man for the job...
is a man.
And now I was supposed
to go cheer Sue
I promised it would be
returned safely.
Oh, Sue, yeah.
Yeah,
Okay, it's fine.
It'll be fine.
Aired 15 years ago - Sep 30, 2009
Frankie is struggling in her career as a car salesman because she has yet to sell one. She finally thinks that she has made her first sale, but the car is stolen right in front of her. Meanwhile, Sue becomes part of the school choir... as part of
the stage crew and Brick wants Frankie to come into school dressed as a superhero for a presentation, but neglects to tell her the correct day.
MORE
-LESS
for the past 13 years.
But see, Sue had a long history
of things she tried out for--
Now listen, Dad's gonna
fix the dryer again,
- Mom! Mom!
- Mom.
And my latest job
I'm too smart for,
I told them that he's a pedophile.
Now one week left in the month.
He came real close
to not being hit by a bullet.
and I just have a feeling
about you and this little cutie.
Yeah, this is Frankie Heck.
Is everything okay?
Feel that?
Uh, take a left right here.
Brick, honey,
how do you like those seats?
Aww, thanks, pal.
Mine sucked.
Next.
You have a meeting with
my teacher on Monday.
Oh, my God, you're so weird.
Mom, Dad.
Of course she shouldn't.
and mean bosses with guns...
Mrs. Rettig, Mrs. Rettig,
I want to tell you
Look, I would love to spend
more time here, but I work.
Okay, so he doesn't fit into
your cookie-cutter mold.
but our Brick doesn't need
any special anything.
I needed to sell a car now
more than ever.
Get outta town.
He sounds pretty mad.
Whatever.
Didn't you listen?
So Brick is weird, and
Sue has no recognizable talent,
And they already rotated me in,
Hey, come on, everybody!
at Hoosier Village Assisted
Living in Terre Haute...
I was the no-show mom whose kid's
best friend was his backpack.
That's next Monday.
He's plying her with snow cones.
and it's got this, I mean,
integrated steering wheel that--
Isn't it hard?
Only every day!