Broad City

Abbi and Ilana say goodbye.

Why the fuck would you go to Boulder?

No, look. Oh.

Okay, but... so... so, what is exactly the new mission now?

God, every time you are sprayed, you are reborn.

Yeah, hey, yes.

Okay, I'll... I'll just call us a Lyft.

Ilana, I'm really proud of you, dude.

I mean, I strongly, strongly believe in

I just found out, dude, that Doritos are tortilla chips.

all the banks are gonna be hacked and drained.

that said that only four days after it all goes dark,

you should consider doing Lasik, for real.

Well, I think Utah is actually the Mormon area.

[LAUGHS]

and, like, changing my whole life?

we're still gonna be us, no matter what.

deep, real,

I don't think I can go to this dinner tonight.

It's not a dorm.

♪♪

I was sunbathing nude on the roof again.

ALL: Surprise!

Well, this is the cutest thing I have ever seen,

- Hi. - It's so good to see you.

You're really special to me, too.

- It was a big swing. - No, no, no.

to show off your rock-hard tits and your Adonis ass.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Are you Abbi's friend?

So, um, I'm gonna be honest with you.

Beautiful places.

- What? - Like, to...

[DOOR SLAMS]

So you can store your cheese in here.

Yeah.

Disney. Go.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Like, she just knew stuff about...

What's up?

You... you weren't gonna wake me up?

You're gonna kill it. I'm so excited.

I was, like, alive before I met you.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Abbi, Ilana and Bevers sell Abbi’s New York City belongings; Abbi gets tickets to a Lil Wayne concert, and the girls take a “trip.”

for grad students and... Artists in Residence.

Lil Wayne.

Okay, so, I'm bring a friend with us tonight.

and I've only done it the one time where I stole the van.

- Legs. Legs. - Legs.

- so we gotta sell. Yeah. - Yes.

and, um, you know, just like, mixed race,

and we'll figure out how to get it back to your place before the concert.

after one of them - opened up his relationship.

The dudes'll have to come out to grab cans,

They stop every half a block and hold up traffic,

So he invented Corn Flakes to stop people from getting it on.

- Nothing. - Nothing.

- She's mine! - Oh, my God. Ilana.

What are we gonna do?

is there a world...

It's really nice to meet you, Molly. I've heard a lot about ya.

These are invalid. You girls gotta move along.

I'm sorry, dude. I'm a fucking idiot.

Okay, we gotta do this before the Molly kicks in.

Oh, my God. Dude. I have a Swiss Army knife.

- We are such a team. - Incredible.

Lil' Rel, Lil' Deval, Lil' Papa, Lil' Mama, Lil' Uzi Vert...

I'd be Lil' Nap Time?

how I don't necessarily love it, you know what I mean?

right above the audience, right? Right.

we could go back

Dude, can I tell you something?

and keeping you from growing,

I need to make, like, meaning of my own,

And you know what? Now that I think about it,

Yas, Cody! Go, Cody!

Oh, my God. Dude. I forgot the couch.

Positivissimo. Yaas!

tricky.

I feel bad. This is not good!

Abbi and Ilana visit "Sleep No More," and Abbi tries to find the right time to tell Ilana some life-changing news.

you know, no space or time or distance or anything...

God, I love living in New York City. You just... You can't beat it.

It's kind of like interactive, modern version of "Macbeth."

This is gonna be so good,

choose-your-own-adventure type show.

Jesus. You... I trust you.

Ab, if this is too scary for you, we can go.

- Ooh, like Queens. - Yeah, yeah.

Ew, do you smell that?

I'm just like, "Where are the chills and/or thrills?"

Gorgeous cursive.

with, like, the terrifying, like, terrible stuff.

but I'm just gonna go for it.

instead of merely fantasizing about it.

Don't even worry about it. Never happened. Uh, I...

You're scaring me.

Colorado.

- What... - Ilana!

on a connecting flight through O'Hare

You didn't even tell me you were applying.

Ilana, wait. Just wait.

I feel really stuck in my life right now, okay?

I know. I-I know. I-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Just hold on a second.

I... can... not believe...

so I wouldn't even have to do this.

and... and my parents.

Yeah, I know. That's why I continually take them,

the methodical strategies

You do get thrown up on an exorbitant amount.

I'm really... I'm gross.

double up for a little while,

Don't leave!

So, uh, what do you want to do now?

I need something in my stomach so bad.

I have ever had in my whole life.

I could do this in New York with you forever.

I need you to be with me for this next journey, dude.

People do. It's really dark.

I'm gonna watch you and...

What I mean to say is that I know

- There's no right way. - See?

You should feel metal on your scalp skin.

Ilana gets recruited to be a hair model; Abbi’s new flame tells her that she’s not mature enough.

I hear you offer student discounts.

- Okay. Jesus. I'm leaving. - Oh, no, you're not.

Stop. Okay, stop. Is this some sort of perverted prank?

Okay, 6:00 P.M., camera ready.

We're just not on the same page.

Wow.

You know what... I write thank-you notes all the time.

- thanks to your stupid boot. - Oh, did the wig not protect it?

I literally could not have done this without you guys.

Whoo! She got the plaid slacks. She got the pink sweater.

Wow, Lesley is a true monster

my Instagram account with adult-ass pics all day

to be the perfect Jewish-Canadian VJ...

Yeah, I'll just flush it out when I cry at the play later.

- What? - Girl, I got scouted...

about the modeling, but, please...

You want a picture with my daughter? She's a very famous hair model.

Look at how fast you're going. Good job.

It's starting. Damn it.

Please enjoy a brief intermission.

You cannot go to the DevaCurl shoot like this.

How 'bout that what's-his-name doctor on Houston St.?

Oh, God.

Okay, then why do you have a pedicab?

Oh, yeah, crime scene homes are my speciality.

Wait a minute. Flex that thigh.

We have a medical emergency!

Gotta find another light... source.

Lesley's not gonna know what hit her.

Hey. Lesley.

- The doctor's with a patient! - Yeah, I'm a model.

Ugh. Okay.

- What? - Never mind. Wh-Wh-What's up?

I mean, who am I to judge the way you live?

Do you think there's any way that we can try this again?

What are you doing tonight?

I've, u-um...

You know, I've gotten New York City water droplets

non-binary model, and it's a love scene?

And this is gonna clear your eye up in about two weeks.

Work those curls, Mama.

What's with the patch? What is this?

- I'm the manager/mother. - Stop it.

You could save the day.

The girls meet Ilana’s 16th cousin – who is a Holocaust survivor – and take him to a drag brunch; Abbi tries out a new look.

I could be related to a Holocaust survivor, too.

She saw it and thought of me.

and... and thought of me.

Is that, um... a problem?

Right. But Lesley bought it for me,

We are here to visit my very dear, sweet,

or any of the communal areas on the third floor.

Maybe he's hard of hearing.

Okay, I think the door was just unlocked.

No. Oh, God.

That's me as a horny teenager.

Let's... Let's just leave it at soulmate.

Now, do you think that somatic expression

stories from the old country, Nazi shit, anything.

Ah, come on. It's so strict down there.

Oh, uh... this guy had an accident.

Great work, girls.

Could you guys take me to a shoemaker?

interview question number one... what does post-traumatic

Cute. I just, um...

- You hungry? Where do you want to eat? - What about Red Hook?

Who is that?

from "The Anniversary Party," from "The Good Wife,"

He represents the real New York, okay?

- Alright. - Alright. We're gonna catch up.

♪ Jiggly Caliente is the best ♪

♪ Undo your belt, loosen your pants ♪

♪ Touch my chest ♪

- I love this place. - Thank you.

- Yeah, go for it. - Get ripped, 'cuz.

Oh, my God. It's now or never, dude. Come on.

We followed you for, like, 13 blocks.

Oh, really? That's incredible.

Saul! No!

Zabar's!

Have you seen an elderly gentleman,

Um, I'm never up here, and... and the babka is insane.

Oh, my God. Idiots!

Just can't pass up a sale like that.

- Ugh. Good point. - Geez.

There's no delicate way to put this,

Ooh. No disrespect.

I feel like that was more directed to my...

- Saul?! - Oh, my God, Abbi. He's here.

how about some Swedish meatballs?

Abbi gets invited to a fancy art event at MoMa; Ilana and Lincoln have their one year relationship check-in.

Ilana discovers a terrifying secret about Jaimé; Abbi tries to make the jump from sweater folder to window artist at Anthropologie.

really tribute classic New York City. Like, we...

It's a beautiful cityscape made of instruments.

right next to the robin's nest Caucasian headdresses.

I'm gonna go sa... I'm gonna go sell.

A long time ago, I promised Jaimé I would never enter his room.

Okay, but then today I smelled a smell so bad,

- Yeah. - Or "Sicario"?

I mean, who doesn't finish an everything bagel with cream cheese?

and she was like, "You're just not ready."

Okay.

Okay, yeah, let's see what they have to say, huh?

You helped me decorate my whole office.

Okay, so, before we begin, I want to assure you

I'm just gonna write this down.

what I thought could only be the stench of death.

Hold on a second. Come here.

Hold on. Ilana, are you using the same cheese grater

I just want you to explore your feelings

for a feeling of a lack of control.

probably because I've been eating cheese

Okay, so, what I'm sensing is that the hoarding...

about this relationship,

And not for nothing, you're probably

Am I good, or am I good?

- Yeah! - A house!

You're like... ♪ Henh, henh, huhhhggh, eghghh ♪

Please! It wasn't. I'm sorry. It's not.

was due to maybe a lack of control, right?

- It's okay. - It's not about me.

- It's "Montclair." - Montclair!

♪ Hey, mm, hey, hm, hey, hmm-hmm ♪

Hey, Johnny. Can I ask you something?

- Thank you so much. - Ah, yeah.

What was that, Abbi? What did you call it?

It always is.

- Nasty. - Don't hang up!

As per uszh... couldn't have done it without ya.

Ilana visits an old flame to cash out her Bitcoin share; Abbi drops off her laundry for the first time and loses her favorite sweatshirt.

Ilana embarks upon her latest moneymaking opportunity when she opens an outdoor workspace for New York City smokers; Abbi stands up to her landlord after he refuses to update her plumbing.

To celebrate Abbi’s 30th birthday, Abbi and Ilana travel from the top of Manhattan to the bottom, running into old and new friends along the way.

♪ When you only got a hundred years to live ♪

Dude, stop it.

This has been here the whole time, sitting here!

gave her over to coaches. She and her coach

Hair braiding!

Thank you so much.

♪ Dirty 30, hoo! ♪

Come on. ‭You have two really nice parents

but Anthropologie, ‭you might work there forever.

Yeah, I just fully fell down a manhole.

I know what to do! Okay!

I'm fine!

I miss school only for the supplies.

_

I'm thinking we should definitely get you

I can't, like, lea... You know how they're always like, "Lean,"

All right, dude. What are we even doing?

‭Wowee, wowee, what a steal!

Please do not film me.

Abbi Gary Anna Abrams.

Ilana. Ilana!

Um... ‭Okay, if any of my 213 followers

Whoa. Dude, that's good.

_

I mean, I could literally be her mom.

Mommy! Mommy. Mom...

What the (BLEEP) are you doing with my child?

Oh, grow up, Abbi. We're 30.

_

- Whoop, whoo-oop! - No, I mean, what a (BLEEP) bitch.

And now she has a bunch of (BLEEP) kids,

- Whoo! - Hey.

♪ How sweet the sound ♪

And I'm really happy it's happening to you before me.

Happy birthday. I'm so excited to celebrate

she is just about finished.

_

Are you joking?

A little left, yeah.

♪ Baby, let me watch you go to town ♪

If you think that I am "cuckoo caca insahno,"