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Season 9  "Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina"  9x1

Aired 19 years ago - Mar 09, 2005

Mr. Garrison goes to great lengths to get what he’s always wanted…a sex change. As he enjoys his new womanly attributes, the rest of the town gets in touch with their inner feelings too. Meanwhile, Kyle wrestles with the fact that Jews just aren’t good at basketball.

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Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 1
Well, it's just that... Jew's can't play basketball.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 2
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 3
Nyanyanyanyanyaaanyaaa! You-hoo-hoo-hoo loh-ost! Hahahahahaaahaaa!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 4
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 5
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 6
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 7
Look at that, I'm peeing sittin' down like a dainty dignified little woman.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 8
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 9
You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 10
What? Th'um, nuh-nothing. I- I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 11
Gerald, that is very closed-minded of you! You shouldn't judge people who want to change.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 12
And so, they can have a surgery that makes them more into the person they see themselves as.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 13
Yeah. My school teacher wanted to be a woman, and you made him into one.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 14
...You what?
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 15
What we do is slice your face and peel it back so we can insert now pig-ment producing cells inside.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 16
And we finish it off with a nice peniplasty to enhance the genitalia.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 17
Hello, Mr. Slave. Boy have I been busy. A woman's work is never done.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 18
Would you like to take this beautiful woman to bed?
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 19
Well, I ASSUMED you supported me. It's still me; I just have a vagina instead of a penis.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 20
- How can you say that?! You're gay too! - I'm not gay! I'm a woman!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 21
The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison his sex change said he can make me tall and black.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 22
This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you! Now your son wants to be transracial!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 23
My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 24
- Oh, that does it! - Where are you going?!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 25
What kind of nutjob would agree to surgically alter my son into a tall African-American?!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 26
I love dolphins, Ever since I was a child I dreamt of... But that has hardly any bearing on what I'm hear to-
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 27
If I could swim with the dolphins, the soft and gentle dolphins... Why can't I swim with the dolphins?
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 28
There's nothing crazy about a person wanting to look on the outside the way they feel on ths inside.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 29
Oh jeez, should I do it?! Should I do it?! Oh what the hell!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 30
Men are all the same. My boyfriend walked out on me! Turns out he was a fag.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 31
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 32
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 33
Sheila, ih-it was wrong of us to be so judgmental of Kyle.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 34
All I did is change my appearance to look the way I felt... here.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 35
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 36
My dad is even gonna take me back down to the all-star game to see if I can try out for the team again!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 37
You here for an abortion too? Yeah, I discovered a few days ago I wasn't bleedin' out my coo, so I guess I'm knocked up.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 38
- ...an abortion? - Yeah, I've got one growing inside me.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 39
Don't you tell me what I can and can't do with my body! A woman has a right to choose!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 40
You mean, I'll never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 41
...Oh boy, do I feel like a jackass.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 42
You made me into a FREAK is what you did! And I want you to change me back!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 43
And your scrotum has been made into a dorsal fin for a man who wanted to look more like a dolphin.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 44
and the best fourth-grade players from Wyoming.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 45
- All right! Dad, I can play! - All right Kyle!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 46
- Boys, have you seen Kyle?! He's not at home. - Kyle went down to play in the basketball game, Mrs. Garrison.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 47
Those testicles in his knees are ticking time balls!
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 48
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 49
Well where the hell am I supposed to go to the bathroom? I I need a large tank with salt water.
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 50
- Sorry ma'am, no tickets, no entry. - Look, there's a boy with my balls in his knees and he's in serious danger!

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 2 #2 Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 3
Nyanyanyanyanyaaanyaaa! You-hoo-hoo-hoo loh-ost! Hahahahahaaahaaa!
#3
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 4 #4 Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 5 #5 Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 6 #6 Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 7
Look at that, I'm peeing sittin' down like a dainty dignified little woman.
#7
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 8 #8 Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 9
You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties.
#9
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 10
What? Th'um, nuh-nothing. I- I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
#10
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 11
Gerald, that is very closed-minded of you! You shouldn't judge people who want to change.
#11
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 12
And so, they can have a surgery that makes them more into the person they see themselves as.
#12
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 13
Yeah. My school teacher wanted to be a woman, and you made him into one.
#13
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 14
...You what?
#14
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 15
What we do is slice your face and peel it back so we can insert now pig-ment producing cells inside.
#15
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 16
And we finish it off with a nice peniplasty to enhance the genitalia.
#16
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 17
Hello, Mr. Slave. Boy have I been busy. A woman's work is never done.
#17
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 18
Would you like to take this beautiful woman to bed?
#18
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 19
Well, I ASSUMED you supported me. It's still me; I just have a vagina instead of a penis.
#19
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 20
- How can you say that?! You're gay too! - I'm not gay! I'm a woman!
#20
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 21
The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison his sex change said he can make me tall and black.
#21
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 22
This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you! Now your son wants to be transracial!
#22
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 23
My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
#23
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 24
- Oh, that does it! - Where are you going?!
#24
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 25
What kind of nutjob would agree to surgically alter my son into a tall African-American?!
#25
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 26
I love dolphins, Ever since I was a child I dreamt of... But that has hardly any bearing on what I'm hear to-
#26
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 27
If I could swim with the dolphins, the soft and gentle dolphins... Why can't I swim with the dolphins?
#27
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 28
There's nothing crazy about a person wanting to look on the outside the way they feel on ths inside.
#28
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 29
Oh jeez, should I do it?! Should I do it?! Oh what the hell!
#29
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 30
Men are all the same. My boyfriend walked out on me! Turns out he was a fag.
#30
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 31 #31 Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 32 #32 Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 33
Sheila, ih-it was wrong of us to be so judgmental of Kyle.
#33
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 34
All I did is change my appearance to look the way I felt... here.
#34
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 35 #35 Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 36
My dad is even gonna take me back down to the all-star game to see if I can try out for the team again!
#36
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 37
You here for an abortion too? Yeah, I discovered a few days ago I wasn't bleedin' out my coo, so I guess I'm knocked up.
#37
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 38
- ...an abortion? - Yeah, I've got one growing inside me.
#38
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 39
Don't you tell me what I can and can't do with my body! A woman has a right to choose!
#39
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 40
You mean, I'll never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?
#40
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 41
...Oh boy, do I feel like a jackass.
#41
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 42
You made me into a FREAK is what you did! And I want you to change me back!
#42
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 43
And your scrotum has been made into a dorsal fin for a man who wanted to look more like a dolphin.
#43
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 44
and the best fourth-grade players from Wyoming.
#44
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 45
- All right! Dad, I can play! - All right Kyle!
#45
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 46
- Boys, have you seen Kyle?! He's not at home. - Kyle went down to play in the basketball game, Mrs. Garrison.
#46
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 47
Those testicles in his knees are ticking time balls!
#47
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 48 #48 Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 49
Well where the hell am I supposed to go to the bathroom? I I need a large tank with salt water.
#49
Recap of South Park Season 9 Episode 1 (S09E01) - 50
- Sorry ma'am, no tickets, no entry. - Look, there's a boy with my balls in his knees and he's in serious danger!
#50