Detroiters

Tim and Sam discover that the Chrysler executive they ran over has led a terrible life ever since; after appearing in one of the guys' ads, Pistons legend Rick Mahorn gets serious about acting.

If you want a specific car, get a Chrysler Pacifica.

You remind me of, uh,

Uh, you know, I asked them not to introduce me like that.

♪ Win a D tonight ♪

But we're ready to get back up and stand tall.

It's the size of the fight in the dog.

Chrysler Pacifica.

Let's take a look.

My parents were killed in an alley,

♪ On Greenfield and Warren next to the big brown house ♪

Who knew everyone was gonna use Kid Rock, right?

I'd love to meet with you next week.

all I cared about was winning a stupid D Award.

- Go right in. - Thank you.

but Rick Mahorn can't act his way out of a wet paper bag.

Rick Mahorn can't act his way out of a wet paper bag.

Join us.

In order to afford the dream home,

- No. - Can we finish, please?

I apologize; I'm going through some personal stuff right now,

And it would blow each and every one of you

To be honest, we just set this meeting up to be polite.

I've got to see this mascot.

He's going to heaven now.

We have to tell Carter what we did.

What's the name of your store again?

but, rather, in the murderer's blood and semen.

worked my fingers to the bone.

- Mama! - Mama!

You think we gon' miss a meal in this house?

Rick! Rick! Rick! Rick!

- What are the odds? - Oh, you know her.

No, guys, it's something good.

It was great, actually.

was the best thing that ever happened to you.

Tim's father unexpectedly returns from the insane asylum under suspicious circumstances; Tim and Sam struggle to create a great tagline for a department store ad that caters to husky boys.

And see if you can get ahold of Emilio.

It is great to have you back, Hank.

piloting a battleship down a river made of potato chips.

It's just good to know sometimes.

We have to come up with taglines for Husky Boys.

My hands are covered in blood.

I mean, I think so?

To our wives and girlfriends.

And before I tell a joke, I like to ask myself,

Our ads are hilarious.

I always wondered how my six-packs became four-packs.

Sheila, pot of coffee, two aspirin.

That I had two pieces of cake for lunch?

"Husky Boys: 'Cause you can't wear

Well, which one's the best one?

Got Liberty Airlines first thing tomorrow.

That was one of the first commercials

lawmakers said it was not a mistake, saying, quote

Tonight, dangerous lunatics

Oh, cool.

Thanks, Helen. Put him through.

Oh, none taken.

I was going through some stuff,

We found so many in your desk,

I'm sure he'd tell you all thank you so much

Crap! Damn it, Sam.

You're a tip-to-tail piece of crap.

One last night in Detroit. Sky's the limit.

- House I grew up in? - It's a hipster bar.

When their employees threaten to quit due to a lack of health insurance, Tim and Sam try to collect the money that they're owed from previous jobs.

I mean feel better.

The doctor says our insurance lapsed

And a skee ball machine for exercise.

If you lose her, you lose me.

What? I'm not leaving.

or I'm gonna walk out of here just like Wallace.

Now he can do it.

Do we really have to do this?

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

We guarantee our wigs

You're a monster!

I'm sorry. I could pay you in wigs.

If you should happen to find copper

on the books.

on the books.

- That's true. - If it don't make money,

If you got a plumbing problem, call me, Pete the Plumber.

- Honest mistake? - You showed a shit, bro.

That's how you laugh, Tim.

It's a play on the word "Detroit."

Roz Chunks, the mom attorney.

Hey, bye, Linda.

You know, it's getting late. We should book it.

What are you doing with this piece of junk here?

♪ Putting makeup on a shit ♪

♪ I'm putting lipstick on a turd ♪

Just go out with a nice man.

Call me, Roz Chunks,

You know, what can you do?

as the nuns put it.

He's already gone through all of his soccer socks,

- Oh, sorry for your loss. - Oh, it wasn't my mother.

I'd understand, right?

Groundskeeper Willie's always in there somewhere.

for one of these T-shirts.

Hit him.

Ouch!

I can't believe you lost it on one spin.

Well, that's it.

Yeah, I thought that would make you happy.

That's actually really cool of you guys.

After getting fired by a furniture store client, Tim and Sam try to make an ad for the store's main competitor, who struggles on camera.

you know, tell them we'll work for free.

with a stepladder and a giant can of spray paint.

Yeah, "What am I gonna do here?"

Yeah, no worries. I hear that.

- Yup, yup. - "I'm hungry for turds."

can put an end to all that nonsense

You're using forced perspective

Champagne... of beers.

Are you guys okay to drive?

- Okay. - Oh, sweet.

Smilin' Jack's Furniture.

We met at a conference once.

I thought you had to prioritize your finances.

Come on, Sam. We got a lot of work to do.

You really think a giant bunk bed's

Oh, what if he's a wolf man,

This is cute!

- Yeah. - Just it's a lot to remember.

and then in comes the ape,

I just wanted to stop by and wish you luck.

- Sam. I'll be there. - Thanks.

And action.

- Hey, Jack. - Mm-hmm?

That's not necessary. I'm not stupid.

My furniture is so nice,

I'm sorry. I am sorry. That's me.

We can't just lose the ape part, Jack.

Am I right?

Uh...

I was counting on you, Tim.

the FBI is claiming belonged to the real Santa Claus.

Smith's Baby and Teen Kid Furniture.

Advertising, it's...

I mean, first, you ruin our perfect commercial.

Do you get bread sticks with the dips?

Can you fricking believe it?

A new tech company moves into Tim and Sam's building, disrupting their daily flow; Sam lies to Tim about his plans after developing a crush on one of the women from the new company.

Sam, slow down. What are you talking about?

You're frickin' stronger than me.

it's just wet-ass food.

these new ID badges now.

good for the environment.

Sam Duvet.

Basically, we want to do for the service repair industry

and the only chimney is behind Sheila's desk.

I'm fine.

Can we just zoom in here,

Is Sheila refusing to poop again?

No, no, we said last Friday.

We lost Lindsay.

Yeah, those buttmunches on three

and made us get security badges,

Tim, not you. Them.

They're on the cover of a magazine?

No, I'm from Detroit. You're from suburbs.

Hey, Sam, Tim.

But you know, whatever helps the business.

A pedal pub?

This is Detroit, not a third world country.

We have round mirrors,

I can still see Sam in it.

I'm... yeah, I'm not feeling too hot, so...

I love you and I trust you.

Not as fun.

Dying while flying.

DTC.

We've got another two hours!

Because it's all the meats.

Morning, Sheila.

and she said that the DTC...

DTC to the rescue again.

Yeah, we're doing it.

so I went ahead and rented us

Not sore for some reason?

- I do? - Yeah.

You know, I used to hate exercise,

To a bar that doesn't move.

You were on the bike pub with DTC!

Then why did you lie to me about it?

Why couldn't you have said all this back at the office?

Sam struggles to come up with a worthy speech to make at his father's 60th birthday party; Tim is elated that an off-duty clown is in attendance and presses him to perform.

Remember to enunciate.

Sam, take it easy on us this year.

Uh, Mr. Bones, I want you to meet my best friend, Tim.

Uh, you're in costume.

Wait. Was that the joke?

And when... when I got down to that hospital,

you can hear you even through your tears.

Looks like they wish we were back together.

You know I can have anyone thrown in jail whenever I feel like it.

I don't have anything for my dad's speech.

Ah, it's so good to see you two.

I'm going next. Wish me luck.

Now, if I may quote the great Homer,

I'm just hungry.

Oh, well, I'm sorry,

You see how big he is and how small you are?

Good job, baby.

Never mind. Don't do it.

That bitch waitress won't get me a beer.

Does everybody remember when Mr. Duvet had a mustache?

'cause it always had food in it.

be like, "Wait a minute, we haven't had corn in weeks".

He has the second-greatest only to Aunt Lacey!

That's my husband! That's my husband!

That's before I knew they were gonna kill.

You should.

Mom, have you been drinking wine?

Now, that was a nice speech.

What am I gonna do?

I just want to let my dad know how I feel about him.

I could hear you all the way in the back of the bathroom.

With a poo.

but there was so much poop that it got stuck in the pipe.

Tim and Sam try to convince an old Motown legend to sing a jingle for a local wig company ad that they're producing; Tim has to come to terms with his own singing skills.

about what Rhonda said,

I don't want to put him on the spot,

- Yeah, it was. - No, 'cause you didn't

- for one of their commercials. - Mm-mm.

Where do you live?

I won this place in a card game from the Four Tops.

Cool.

This one, Motown 25.

Yes, sir, very much so.

If you look way back in the corner,

Scares me to just walk by.

we'd pay you to sing the Devereux Wigs ad.

♪ They're hosing us down ♪

- I ever bought. - And I sold him that album.

Not enough people hear it. Y'all want to hear it?

I'm on a double billing with Junior Walker

Who's the girl that you wrote that song about?

They're swimming in an ocean of...

- What? - It's not a good story.

You two ungrateful son of a bitches

and demand we sing the jingle.

I don't like it,

I'm gonna do your commercial.

Which is a much better story.

Ooh, Devereux?

Maybe put a little something extra on it,

Yeah, also maybe try one like,

- I'll catch up, okay? - Yeah, all right.

about the dead body hair.

- It sure is. - Smokey Robinson?

so either Sam sings the ad by himself, or nobody does.

No, we don't. I erased them all.

Shut up, Lea!

Tim.

Sam starts dating a local councilwoman who thinks he's a prostitute; Sam's new lifestyle inspires Tim and his wife to try role-playing.

Ah, that means he had to go home and dump.

Can we use your stool for our jackets?

♪ ♪

♪ Are so helpless too ♪

♪ Say you feel the same way too ♪

It's a freaking scam, dude.

Are you alone?

[upbeat music]

- That was good. - Yeah.

and she wanted to pay for it.

- You loved those. - I did love those.

♪ It's magic ♪

♪ There's magic ♪

♪ Na, na ♪

so she gives me monetary gifts

I would also like to apologize to Speaker Roberts

- Wow. - Yeah. How was your day?

with no strings attached.

I got you something.

This one's an owl because you finished college.

It's Sam.

Tim, she pressed me about really being

Not bad.

I think she thinks you're a fricking prostitute.

I have a delivery from Councilwoman Gwinnett

Mm.

♪ ♪

And who is that?

A man that I pay for sex.

just some big dick for money, huh?

Mwah! Mama mia.

and... and... and... and... and...

From the lady.

That's gonna cost you.

We're pretending. What's it matter?

[laughs]

Sam Duvet.

- Just come on. - My name?

The honey boy in question, Sam "The Man" Duvet,

♪ ♪

Once again, I apologize to the city of Detroit.

She's lying! She's a liar.

I'm not nervous, Tim. You're just a terrible wingman.

After a client inspires Tim and Sam to work less and live more, the guys buy a motorcycle instead of the production van they need then outsource their work to the building's overzealous (and underqualified) security guard, Ned.

We can get twice as much work done with this van.

The guy at the store said it's makeup for plays

Gentlemen. Ned is here.

This shit is coming out of the idea oven hot and fresh.

is not even his baby, and he's got to piss.

like, "wait a minute, I got all these diapers."

They can hold a man's piss."

He's running fast. "Get down!

They shoot him. He dead.

a really important meeting we got to get to.

We've been pitching to this choad

Man, you got a nice-ass neck, you know that?

- Thank you. - I've always worn this.

Let's do it.

If I gave even the smallest shit about Dale's pud ass,

Good night, gentlemen.

The ghost was... Get this... a woman.

Stop resisting!

Now everybody'going to think we made that turd.

What... The... Whoo-hoo.

They're just laughing, Sam.

You know, I went to the Burj Khalifa

Uh, any questions or concerns?

Okay, uh, what if we just added a dance component

Don't leave me half-hard here.

you look to camera, you're just like...

Uh, well, actually, what if the dance is more like, uh...

It's more groovin'.

came up with the hunky specs commercial, huh?

Son of a bitch.

Good-bye, Mother.

What would you do if you had $10 million?

Best friends Sam and Tim work on an advertising pitch for Chrysler, but they run into problems with the company's vice president of marketing.

because we already ate here.

No, no, no. Not your father's.

Frank Franklin.

Come on, Carter.

Why don't you come by tomorrow?

The food is good.

You'll love the visor in your brand-new Chrysler.

Ms. Portnadi, Hank was my father.

[Panting]

I think you can edit

You got nothing.

♪ you don't want to take that step ♪

- Stapler. - Stapler.

- Oh! - Yes!

- Candleholder. - [Grunts]

One...

These things were basically speed.

Hands a pile of cash to the man at the counter.

Close-up.

the drop of blood rolling down the daughter's breast,

- Yes. - Yes!

You got it.

Oh... No.

My god, you're beautiful.

I must disgust you.

[Applause]

[Smooth rock music]

You remember when we first took over your dad's company

Big Stan the Carpet Guy.

- Oh, here come the trucks! - Here we go!

[All howling]

It's... it's these guys.

- We got the pitch! - We got the pitch!

Knock 'em dead, big Hank.

♪ ♪

I paid for the coffee, I picked up the dog,

- Let's get the hell out of here - Uh-uh.

No, I know.

You have to do stand-up.

- Call 911! - Hold his head! Hold his head!

Yes, because that's the last place we saw you.

I'm sorry, guys.

Well, fellas, with all due respect,

Yes, you are gonna hear the pitch.

- Do it! Kill him! - Wait!

Every Chrysler is like the city of Detroit

Can you excuse me for one second?

For the first time ever,